Notes From Hell: Our Minute-by-Minute Recap Of The Emmys

Still haven't gotten enough news on the Emmys today? Well then mister-slash-missus, you're in luck. We've just received a report from our own intrepid correspondent, embedded deep in the confines of her apartment, where she watched the carnage unfold live on TV. We take you now to Salon Sarah Hepola, who not so long ago was our own Scanner Sarah, and who will undoubtedly be seeking therapy to work through the trauma of last night. (We just hope she doesn't go to this guy; he's got problems of his own.)

In a year when "The Wire" ended its five-season blitzkrieg not with a whimper but a bang, in a year when even my sixtysomething parents knew about "Gossip Girl," in a year when "The Shield" found its groove again, when sci-fi geeks continued to evangelize on behalf of "Battlestar Galactica," it's bracing to look at the 2008 Emmys nominees for Best Dramatic Series.

Because no category captures the squareness, the frustating unfairness of mainstream awards shows like this collection of six nominees. First we have "Boston Legal," the pointless legal comedy where underappreciated character actors go to win awards. Next is "Dexter," a gimmicky torture porno dressed up as wry art. Third is "Damages," where the only meal Glenn Close is having is the scenery. Fourth is "House" -- perhaps the worst of the lot -- a maddeningly improbable operation room-mystery that is little but an excuse to watch Hugh Laurie pull off an outstanding American accent. Of course, there is "Lost." If you saw it last season, congratulations: You officially have more stamina than I do. This category is bullshit, my friends. The only show that deserves its spot in the sunshine is "Mad Men." In fact, it deserves to win, even if it were nominated against the shows I mentioned in the first paragraph, because dammit, it's just that good. The only pale comfort in this category is the fact that "Grey's Anatomy" is not nominated. I assume Katherine Heigl withdrew the nomination. Good for her.

A bit less depressing is the nominees for Best Comedy: "30 Rock" (17 nominations! High five!), "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "The Office," "Entourage" and, of course