The Remote Island : Tyra Banks

"ANTM" Cycle 12 Finale Airs Tonight -- Top Models on "Tyra" This Afternoon [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Wed, 13 May 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Tonight's the night, y'all. Miss T is doning graduation cap and gown to demonstrate her excitement...

So which one of the models is preggers? Glad you asked...

Eighteen year old, Thalia Brookins, found out she was pregnant shortly after leaving the show this season...

"I was told multiple times over and over that I couldn't get pregnant just from my scars holding me back, other physical things going on with my body," Brookins says on The Tyra Banks Show, airing Wednesday. "I was always told I was never going to be able to conceive children."

"My initial reaction to my pregnancy was shock," she says, adding that she and her boyfriend, David Michaels Jr., 18, had been going through a hard time. "During the show David and I were together," she tells Banks. "Once I got home, he and I started having some complications. Shortly after that, we did break up because we both agreed that we had some stuff we needed to work on individually. So that is exactly what we are doing and still doing." (Us Weekly)

Yikes. We cannot wait to see what pearls Lady Tyra will throw this girl's way. Eighteen, pregnant, and a Top Model? That's like a Tyra Banks Show dream come true. We'll be watching, if only to see Tyra square off against that girl who accused her of discriminating against white girls.

Previously:

Today in Sour Grapes: Latest ANTM Cast Off Accuses Tyra of Shady Dealings

Tyra Drops Paulina Porizkova From the "ANTM" Judging Panel [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Wed, 13 May 2009 15:30:00 GMT

Paulina has been dumped. Yes, dumped. And by whom? Fellow ex-supermodel Tyra Banks. Apparently, Paulina never saw it coming, and as we all know, there's only one thing colder than the blindside breakup -- the blindside breakup on your birthday...

Ah well, see Paulina? It isn't you, it's the economy! Don't take it personally. Our favorite part of this interview is when PP follows up an anecdote about being told she has an ego problem with "Well, I wouldn't mind working at Starbucks if it wasn't so humiliating." Nice.

If we're being honest, our reaction to this news is two-fold: First, we're like "Thank God, we never liked Paulina anyway." And second, "Can we bring back Twiggy?"

Previously:

Today in Sour Grapes: Latest ANTM Reject Accuses Tyra of Shady Dealings

Tyra Saves The Day After ANTM Model Stampede

America's Next Top Model: Cycle 12 Premieres Tonight!

Our Tyra Episode Airs! [VIDEO]

Tyra's Stalker: The Verdict Is In

Jake Kalish — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 21:05:00 GMT

Brady Green, the "hulking drifter" with keen fashion sense, has been found...

Guilty. Guilty of trespass, guilty of harassment, guilty of stalking. This was pretty much a foregone conclusion after Tyra testified yesterday that she feared for her safety. But they sure reached this verdict quickly, huh? Guess the "he's just a really big fan" defense didn't work.

All those guilties just add up to a max 90 day jail sentence, which Judge James Burke said Brady Green will not get. He'll instead get psychiatric help, which he needs since he thinks satellites are watching him.

Just to make this clear - Tyra personally had to hire extra security to protect herself from this sharp-dressed hulking drifter - who will now get free shrinks. Hey, we need shrinks! Sorry, going stalking now. The satellites are telling us to.

PREVIOUSLY:

Tyra Takes The Stand

Yet More TV Stalker News: Tyra Banks' Stalker On Trial

Today In Sour Grapes: Latest "ANTM" Reject Accuses Tyra Of "Shady" Dealings

Listen Up America: Oprah Is Not Wearing a Weave! [VIDEO]

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:30:00 GMT

One of these haristyles is not like the other. And one of these women feels the need to prove it, sans make-up, on national television.

Go Oprah go!

Now, it's a well known fact that from time to time Oprah loves to showcase her realness by giving us glimpses of her life pre-hair and make up. You would think that these little "check out how crazy I look" moments would get old. But somehow they never loose their magic. There's still that amazing Whoa! factor.

Tyra tries to replicate the shock and awe:

But it's not quite the same, is it? What works for Oprah is not going to work for everybody. Go with what you know, Tyra. Stay glam, and don't give up the weave, girl.

Just do you!

(flypaper.bluefly.com)

Previously:

Oprah Winfrey Cancels Columbine Program

Oprah Winfrey Writes Her First "Tweet" Live On The Oprah Winfrey Show

Our Trip To The "Tyra Banks Show"

Tyra Takes The Stand

Jake Kalish — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:45:00 GMT

Ms. Banks will testify this week in the trial of her (alleged) stalker, who (allegedly) followed her across the country and (allegedly) made her and her staff fear for their safety.

This guy Brady Green is clearly crazy and very frightening. But for a man described as a "hulking drifter", he sure can clean up. He's got a sweet court ensemble, perhaps to impress all the people watching the satellites that he believes are constantly watching him...

Right? He's got one flashy suit, but he rocks it in multiple fresh ways. Don't ask us why we're commenting on the fashion sense of a paranoid, delusional, possibly insane and potentially violent man. It was just something we noticed. Meanwhile, Brady Green's defense lawyer is trying the "he's just such a big fan" defense:

"She invites fans that are inspired by her show to reach out to her," defense lawyer Sydney O'Hagen said in opening arguments at Green's trial. "Mr. Green was a fan, albeit perhaps an overzealous fan."

O'Hagen claims Green was simply trying to get tickets to "The Tyra Banks Show."

Hey, it's Tyra's fault! Oh, that defense totally explains this:

Besides sending unwanted flowers and love letters to Banks and ignoring orders from police to stay away from the show, Green threatened to kill an employee who refused to give him the Chelsea address of the show's studio.

"You're f--ing lying, I'm going to find you and slit your throat," Green, 39, screamed into the telephone, prosecutors charge.

This guy's just a fan like the head of Selena's fan club was just a fan.

PREVIOUSLY:

Yet More TV Stalker News: Tyra Banks' Stalker On Trial

Modern Stalking: Man Breaks Into Tila Tequila's House And Twitter Account

More Stalker News: David Caruso's Stalker Is In Jail, Shawn Johnson's Stalker Has A Restraining Order

Hayden Panettiere Gets Burglarized

Today In Sour Grapes: "ANTM" Reject Accuses Tyra Of "Shady" Dealings

Today in Sour Grapes: Latest "ANTM" Reject Accuses Tyra of "Shady" Dealings

Lindy Parker — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 20:00:00 GMT

We're not going to lie, we weren't sorry to see Natalie Pack get the axe during Wednesday's episode of America's Next Top Model. From our perspective she'd spent pretty much the whole time complaining and being generally unlikable. However, it seems Natalie has a gripe or five about her portrayal on the show, and more than a few bones to pick with Miss Tyra Banks herself...

"I think they edited me to make me look like I was spoiled. I am completely opposite of the character they made me be on the show," America's Next Top Model eliminee Natalie Pack tells us. "They actually cut and pasted lines to make me sound like I was a spoiled brat because they were so desperate to make me look that way. (E! Online)

Here's the thing: she's obviously not the first reality show contestant to whine about being misrepresented through editing, and we understand that there may be some truth to the idea that a decent editor can drum up some drama that's not real. That said, no one can force you to say stupid things. They can take quotes out of context, or cut off the second part of your point or whatever, but they can't actually force you to say things that are ridiculous and/or offensive.

Turns out Natalie's not finished...

"Tyra definitely has a soft spot for Aminat and Teyona. I think she just loves [their] personalities. I feel like they're most relatable to Tyra, since Tyra was a black model struggling. I think she has a hidden emotional connection with the black girls, and I think that's where a lot of favoritism comes from. I'm not accusing her of it, but that's just my opinion," Natalie tells us. (E! Online)

Okay, yikes. If we were Natalie we'd be a little concerned about pissing Tyra off, and expecting to have a career in the modelling industry. Actually, we'd just be worried about pissing Tyra off in general -- after all, our girl T went toe-to-toe with Naomi Campbell and stood her ground. Besides, what possible good can come of trashing Tyra and a show that has just given you what might very well be the greatest opportunity of your career? Wouldn't you rather stay on good terms and hope they call you to come back in future seasons and/or work on projects in the future?

We're throwing our support behind our favorite remaining contestant, Allison...

We like Allison for a number of reasons: She's different, she's fun, she takes a fierce picture...

and she has a bit of a creep factor which sets her apart from previous top models...

Previously:

America's Next Top Model: Cycle 12 Premieres Tonight!

Our Tyra Episode Airs! [VIDEO]

The Tyra Banks Show: Questions About The Tyra Experience

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus One Week

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus Two Weeks

Rejected Tocatins "Survivor" Brendan Synnott Sells Granola to Tyra? [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Sad news for Brendan Synott fans (namely: us) -- the Colby Donaldson doppelganger became the first victim of the post-merge tribal council on last night's Survivor: Tocatins. Turns out Survivor is not Brendan's first time on TV. Two years ago, he appeared on the Tyra Banks Show to plug his all-natural line of granola.

We particularly enjoy the moment when Tyra tells Brendan that she likes his "big nuts," and then forces her producer to eat granola from her hand on camera. Oh Tyra...

Seeing Brendan out of the context of the show made us wonder what happens to people when they get voted out of the tribe, but need to stick around for jury duty. Turns out it's not as glamorous as one might hope, but at least there's peanut butter cups...

Previously:

Our Tyra Episode Airs! [VIDEO]

Is Survivor Channeling Girls Gone Wild to Boost Ratings?

Survivor Tocatins: Coach's Delusion Better Than The Blind Side

Survivor: The Theme Park Experience

Yet More TV Stalker News: Tyra Banks' Stalker On Trial

Jake Kalish — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 20:20:00 GMT

It's really frightening how many TV celebrities are being stalked these days. Just one stalker is scary, but this feels like some awful societal thing is happening, where, for whatever reason, increasing numbers of people think it's okay to harass celebrities and threaten anyone who tries to stop them from doing so. This guy issued an extremely disturbing threat to Tyra's assistant...

Tyra Banks' loony stalker sent unwanted flowers and love letters and threatened to kill her assistant for not giving out the supermodel's address.

"You're f---ing lying, I'm going to find you and slit your throat," Brady Green screamed into the telephone when an assistant at "The Tyra Banks Show" turned him down, court documents say.

When he was arrested, Green told an NYPD cop, "I've got satellites watching me and recording us," the documents charge...

A neatly dressed Georgia-born drifter who traveled across the country trying to get to Banks, Green, 39, made incriminating statements to cops the day he was busted, prosecutors revealed at a pretrial hearing Thursday.

"I came from Los Angeles by bus to see her," Green told Police Officer Gregory Kosarek. "We know each other. We had a thing together."

Green was toting a big red duffel bag when he was arrested. Inside, cops found glossy magazines with Banks' face on the cover and a receipt for the flowers he sent, the cop said.

In the Manhattan Criminal Court hearing, Kosarek testified that Banks denied knowing her tormentor, but said she'd hired a security outfit to put together a report on Green after the repeat phone calls and threats began.

Scary. Not "loony", New York Daily News. "Loony" is the wrong word to describe a stalker. "Loony" describes people who think their cat is Napoleon reincarnated.

PREVIOUSLY:

Shorties Get Ready: "America's Next Top Model" Audition Is On Again

Top Models Gone Wild [VIDEO]

More Stalker News: David Caruso's Stalker Is In Jail, Shawn Johnson's Stalker Has A Restraining Order

Stalker Item #1: This Miley Cyrus Fan Sure is Creepy

"DWTS" Gets Very Scary For Shawn Johnson

Modern Stalking: Man Breaks Into Tila Tequila's Home And Twitter Account

Shorties Get Ready: "America's Next Top Model" Audition Is On Again

Chenda Ngak — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 21:30:00 GMT

After last month's failed attempt at casting short women for America's Next Top Model, the producers are trying to make good by having another casting call.

The March 14 audition was disrupted by a broken-down BMW that caused a riot. The short models went nuts when they thought that a bomb had gone off. The mob of tired, and probably hungry, women were clawing their way out and thus a stampede erupted outside of the Central Park Hotel.

The April 11 event will serve as the final day of searching for the cast of the 13th cycle of the hit, Tyra Banks-led reality contest. According to a release from the network, the series is still seeking women 5'7" or shorter, ages 18-27. Ladies looking to strut their stuff should check cwtv.com later this week for location details. (eonline.com)

Whose ready to place bets? We've got our money on the shorty with the high heels on.

Previously:

Top Models Gone Wild [VIDEO]

Our Trip to The Tyra Banks Show

America's Next Top Model Cycle 12 Premieres Tonight!

Tyra Banks: A Word on Imitation and Flattery

CW Renews Six Shows

Levi Johnston Spills The Beans On Tyra

Chenda Ngak — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 19:08:00 GMT

For the first time since the 2008 Presidential Election, Levi Johnston will spill the beans about his relationship with Bristol Palin -- the daughter of Vice Presidential candidate and Republican sexpot, Sarah Palin.

How could we forget the timeless love story of Bristol and Levi: Two horny teenagers who were secretly getting it on against the wishes of a hopelessly devout Christian mother. They were a perfectly-timed train wreck that only God could send down to save the election for Barack Obama. Praise Jesus!

Now that the election is long gone, baby is born, and the pair have broken up, Levi Johnston can come clean about the juicy details. And Tyra is the one who's got the scoop.

In a preview of the show, Tyra coaxes Levi into saying that Sarah Palin knew that they were having sex in her home and that he did not always practice safe sex. Ohhh, Saracuda, he called you out!

Tyra: So she knew that you guys were active?
Levi: Um, yeah.
Tyra: You think she knew.
Levi: I’m pretty sure she probably knew.
Tyra: How are you pretty sure she knew?
Levi: Mom’s are pretty smart.

Levi goes on to say that they were practicing safe sex, while his mother and sister shook their heads. Obviously, these kids are no smarter than the average teenager and no amount of religion is going to keep their pants on.

Watch the clip at tyrashow.com. The episode airs on April 6.

PREVIOUSLY:

Tyra Banks Cameo in the "Hannah Montana" Movie [VIDEO]

Is Meghan McCain's Weight a Thing? [VIDEO]

Tyra Saves The Day After "ANTM" Model Stampede

Top Models Gone Wild [VIDEO]

Tyra Banks Cameo in the "Hannah Montana" Movie [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 16:02:00 GMT

They may have snubbed Dolly Parton, but apparently the producers of the Hannah Montana movie found plenty of room for Tyra Banks in the Disney darling's jump to the big screen. You know what this means? The inevitable Hannah Montana Week on Tyra. It seems Lady T already has some thoughts ready to go on the career of Miss Miley Cyrus...

Thanks for that, Tyra. We're sure Miley's relieved to here you say she's got what it takes to be a star.

Here's another look at the Hannah Montana movie trailer...

Previously:

Check Out The Hannah Montana Movie Trailer

Dolly Parton Snubbed By Hannah Montana?

How Old is Too Old For Hannah Montana?

Miley Cyrus Loves Boys

Is Meghan McCain's Weight a Thing? [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Apparently, Meghan McCain felt that blogging and twittering about Laura Ingraham's "plus size" jab wasn't far reaching enough to get her point across, so she did what we all dream of doing: She went on The View and channelled Tyra Banks...

Previously:

Is Dora the Explorer's Weight a Thing?

Is Miss Piggy's Weight a Thing?

Is Jessica Simpson's Weight a Thing?

Tyra Saves The Day After "ANTM" Model Stampede

Lindy Parker — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 22:32:00 GMT

For all of you who were losing sleep over whether or not those poor, trampled, short girls lost their chance to be America's Next Top Model in the great model stampede of '09, rest assured. Our girl Tyra knows what she's doing...

"To all the Top Model hopefuls who were affected by the New York casting, we are doing everything we can to make sure that ALL the girls who weren't seen, get an opportunity to audition—we'll update you on our plans very soon," read a bit of Tyra Mail released Monday. (E! Online)

Well, thank god. We were worried that the world would be deprived of this ground-breaking opportunity to re-define beauty as we know it. Good to know Miss T doesn't let a few arrests and injuries in the crowd keep the next great makeover going forward. Also, we can see how models rioting outside her studio would be upsetting to Tyra. You know how she hates a girl fight...

Previously:

Top Models Gone Wild [VIDEO]

Our Trip To The Tyra Banks Show

We're Leaving For the Tyra Banks Show in Fifteen Minutes

Twenty Four Hours To Tyra

"The Tyra Banks Show": Questions About The Tyra Experience

Top Models Gone Wild [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:00:00 GMT

There's been much ado about Tyra's latest attempt to re-invent traditional stereotypes of beauty by holding auditions for girls 5' 7" and below for the next season of ANTM. Apparently, someone wasn't too happy about a short girl becoming America's Next Top Model...

A Manhattan casting call for America's Next Top Model turned ugly Saturday as hundreds of hopefuls were caught in a stampede resulting in three arrests and six injuries.
As aspiring models waited in line at the Park Central Hotel, fights broke out as news of a supposed car on fire began to spread. Police were forced to shut down the casting call, and arrested two women and one man on charges of disorderly conduct and inciting to riot, according to the Times. Two people were taken to a local hospital with minor injuries, while four others refused treatment. (Us Magazine)

On our list of ways we'd want to die, getting trampled by a frenzied mob of short models doesn't make the top ten...

Previously:

Our Trip to The Tyra Banks Show

America's Next Top Model Cycle 12 Premieres Tonight!

Tyra Banks: A Word on Imitation and Flattery

CW Renews Six Shows

"ANTM" Gives Us a Familiar Face

Lindy Parker — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:45:00 GMT

Last night's America's Next Top Model featured the girls' first big makeover (wheee!), Tyra's usual insane tirades (advice when posing: "make sound effects inside yourself"), but overall left us with just one burning question...

How many times a day do you think this girl gets mistaken for Blossom?

Previously:

Blossom Coming Back To TV?

Today In PSA's: Oprah's Broadcast Is For "All The Rihannas" -- But Tyra's Got Something To Say Too

Jake Kalish — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:23:00 GMT

Today's live Oprah Winfrey Show is about victims of dating violence, and comes on the heels of Winfrey reminding her audience that one in four women in the US are battered at one time or another, saying on Friday's show:

Love doesn't hurt. I've been saying this to women for years. If a man hits you once he will hit you again.

This, obviously, was said on the heels of pop singer Rihanna's alleged (that's something we still have to say, right?) abuse at the hands of Chris Brown the night of the Grammys -- but if you think that Rihanna's the only celebrity whose abuse will be discussed, think again, as another daytime diva will be sharing her story. The question his... how much?

Winfrey says the Thursday episode is "dedicated to all the Rihannas of the world" and will include guest Tyra Banks.

Now, Tyra's spoken of her own abuse before, but has never divulged who it was that mistreated her. Speculation has long held that the likely culprit is director John Singleton, who, you know, if you've ever seen Baby Boy before, well, OK.

Will Tyra set the record straight? Should she? Would it help the discussion or cloud the issues? We're really interested to know what you think, so drop us a comment!

PREVIOUSLY:

Will Nickelodeon Give Chris Brown A Kid's Choice Award?

Kanye West Defends Chris Brown on VH1's "Storytellers"

MTV to Air "Chris Brown & Rihanna: Love In Trouble"

Why Did Chris Brown and Rihanna Bail on the Grammys?

We're Leaving for "The Tyra Banks Show" in Fifteen Minutes

Lindy Parker — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:15:00 GMT

The last time we saw Tyra Banks in person it was 1994. The place was Universal Studios Hollywood -- we were 13, Tyra was 21. We found ourselves standing in line at a street cart that sold nothing but french fries when we realized that the person in front of us was Tyra Banks, whom we had trouble recognizing at first because she was engaged in a hardcore liplock with Seal. True story.

So the street cart guy goes, "Can I get you something?" Tyra de-suctions her face from Seal's and says, "Um, do you have anything that's not fried?" We sware to god, that's what she said.

Fry guy: Um, no. They're fries.
Tyra: Are they fried in vegetable oil?
Fry guy: I-I don't think so. I'll have to check.
Tyra: Never mind.

And off she went, arm in arm with Seal, in the general direction of the Back to the Future ride.

Here's hoping today's Tyra encounter, fifteen years later, is just as epic. We'll report back tomorrow.

Previously:

Twenty Four Hours To Tyra

"The Tyra Banks Show": Questions About The Tyra Experience

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus One Week

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus Two Weeks

"America's Next Top Model" Cycle 12 Premieres Tonight!

Lindy Parker — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Not only do Remote Olivia and Remote Lindy have a date with The Tyra Banks Show today, but also the new season of ANTM starts tonight -- we're up to our fierce haircuts in Tyra. List of things we hope to see during tonight's premiere: 1) Miss Jay wearing velvet, 2) Tyra smiling with her eyes, and 3) the return of Twiggy (please?).

Here's a preview of tonight's episode featuring a street preacher, models in togas, and Tyra Banks as "the goddess of fierce"...

We're going to start saying that to ourselves every morning: "You are an entity! You are a force! You are EXTRATERRESTRIAL!"

Previously:

Twenty Four Hours To Tyra

The Tyra Banks Show: Questions About The Tyra Experience

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus One Week

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus Two Weeks

Rosie O'Donnell Sobers Up and Talks Menopause

Lindy Parker — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:20:00 GMT

Remember a couple days ago when Rosie O'Donnell blogged a poem to entice viewers to watch her appearance on Thursday's Tyra Banks Show? Remote Jake wasn't that psyched on watching, but to be honest, we're kind of intrigued now that it seems there's nothing Rosie won't say to Lady T -- Getting drunk and going through menopause among other things.

Apparently, it's strictly non-alcoholic beverages for Rosie these days after a tough love conversation with her son, Parker, that went something like this:

RO: Park, can you get me a beer?
Parker: No I don't want to.
RO: Really why not?
Parker: Because you know what, I think you drink too much beer ... Lately I think it's too much...There's a drunk club, I forget what it's called, but you have to like be really drunk to get in, I don't know if they'd let you in, but you could ask them for tips. (via People.com)

Ha. We love that kid. Although, we're not sure how excited we'd be to have our mom telling this story for God and everyone to hear. However, our embarassment over the drunk story is nothing compared to what we would feel over Rosie O's next bit of overshare...

"I am about to be 47 next month and Aunt Flow has not shown up for nine months," O'Donnell says. "The worst thing is I am like ending that whole cycle and my daughter who is 11, is beginning the cycle. So the two hormones in the house, it's a lot going on." (People.com)

If we're Chelsea O'Donnell, we can think of a hundred things we'd rather do than listen to Rosie talk about our "cycle" on national television. Next stop therapy.

Previously:

Rosie Loves Tyra

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus One Week

Lindy Parker — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:00:00 GMT

One week from today, Remote Lindy and Remote Olivia will be attending The Tyra Banks Show in NYC, and we are psyched. However, as we prepare for our trip, it seems Lady T has a few rules for us to follow...

Dress Code STRICTLY ENFORCED
Our dress code is Business Upscale. Please absolutely no shorts, t-shirts, ripped jeans, flip-flops, sneakers, rain/snow boots (UGGS included), sequins, hats, jogging suits, velour pants, and NO LOGOS of any kind. We do encourage colors and dressy jeans are permitted. Remember your going to be on TV so dress your best! The show does reserve the right to deny entry to anyone dressed inappropriately.

Tragic. We suppose we'll have to leave our velour pants at home, but such sacrifices, we're willing to make. Remote Olivia, it seems we'll have to bring our A game when it comes to outfit selection.

Previously:

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus Two Weeks

CW Renews Six Shows: "Everybody Hates Chris" Is Not One of Them

Lindy Parker — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 19:00:00 GMT

This week, The CW is getting their new lineup all ship shape, cutting and renewing left and right. Incredibly, Smallville and One Tree Hill are still with us (OTH is on its seventh season! Who knew?), while Everybody Hates Chris breathed its last unfunny breath...

Here's a complete list of shows that were given the CW thumbs up, as well as our thoughts on their renewal:

1. Supernatural -- We have nothing against this show particularly and, you know, we like hot brothers as much as the next girl. Live long and prosper, Supernatural.

2. Smallville -- We've never been able to get into this show, even though we gave it a concerted effort during season 3 when our mom was into it. The fact that it's staring down the barrel of a ninth season just goes to show you, we don't always swim with the current when it comes to our television watching preferences.

3. One Tree Hill -- We're shocked this show has lasted this long. Mind you, we're not saying we hate it. In fact, once when we'd just quit our job, our roommates came home to find us bundled up in our bed covers with a pint of ice cream, a bottle of wine and a marathon of the second season of One Tree Hill on the Soap Network. OTH has been there for us in our time of need, and for that we will always be grateful, but it doesn't make us any less surprised that its still on the air. Interesting note: The CW picked up the show, but OTH leading man, Chad Michael Murray may or may not be on board.

4. 90210 -- We feel weirdly torn about this one. One on hand, we're OVER IT, and don't want to throw good after bad. But, on the other hand, we've invested so much emotional energy already that we don't want to give up and throw in the towel without getting something out of it. We're pretty sure the CW shares our feelings here.

5. Gossip Girl -- Not a big surprise, but we fiind ourselves less excited about this news than we feel we should be given our level of anticipation over the premiere of season 2. We feel like the CW has their work cut out for them to steer Gossip Girl away from the lame (Jenny whining; Dan and Serena's constant break ups) and back toward the awesome (Blair and Chuck doing pretty much anything).

6. America's Next Top Model -- We wonder what will happen to the earth on the day that there is no more Top Model. Maybe that can be our question from the audience when we go to The Tyra Banks Show.

Also on the CW roster: The Melrose Place reboot, and the Gossip Girl prequel, Lily. (TV Guide)

"Next Top Model" Seeks Short Women

Jake Kalish — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:48:00 GMT

Salma Hayek, 5-2. By conventional thinking, unfathomably gorgeous Salma and the other Salmas out there (are there any? If so, please introduce us) could never never never be supermodels, because they're way too short. But this season of Next Top Model thinks unconventionally. Calling women 5-7 and shorter...

Here's encouraging news from "America's Next Top Model": Tyra Banks is dropping the requirement that models be 5-foot-7 and taller for the show's 13th cycle.

"There have been top supermodels in the past that weren't as tall as the industry demands, like fashion icon Kate Moss," Banks said in a release. "So we are changing up 'Top Model' for cycle 13 and making it a year for the shorter model!"

Contestants must be 5-foot-7 and shorter and ages 18 to 27.

The show brings its casting search to Miami Beach on Saturday.

The details: 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. at Eden Roc (A Renaissance Beach Resort and Spa) at 4525 Collins Ave.

Other stops: San Francisco on March 3.

Washington, D.C., on March 7.

New York City on March 14.

Dallas on March 21.

Chicago on March 25.

Los Angeles on March 28.

You'll find more details at www.cwtv.com.

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus Two Weeks

Lindy Parker — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:15:00 GMT

It's happening, people -- We've received phone confirmation, and the tickets are on their way. In two weeks time, your very own Remote Lindy and Remote Olivia will be in the audience of The Tyra Banks Show, blackberries in hand, ready to report all of Miss T's crazy shenanigans (we're certain there will be many) up close.

The phone call with Tyra's people went something like this:

TB Girl: Hi! This is Lacy from the Tyra Banks Show!
Us: Hi Lacy.
TB Girl: We got your ticket request for Wednesday, March 4, and we're pleased to inform you your request has been granted.
Us: Like you're our genie!
TB Girl (confused): Uh...You need to be here at 3pm because the show starts at 4.
Us: Okay, can we write down the location?
TB Girl (whispering): You'll receive an email with the locations and details. Make sure you bring appropriate identification, like a passport--
Us: OMG! Is Tyra going to come out dressed like a beefeater and whisk us off to London?
TB Girl: Uh...no.
Us: Oh,okay.

Look out, Tyra. Here we come.

"Tyra Banks" Tomorrow: "I Hate Being Gay"

Jake Kalish — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 19:22:00 GMT

If ever there was an episode title that made us want to tune in to a bad talk show, this is it. Tyra will even be talking to one homophobic gay dude, who has a hard time dating guys. You know, because they're fairies. Here, check out the promo, and tell us you won't be tuning in too. Our question: will it be nearly as good as when Tyra went undercover as a man?

"Top Model" Cycle 12 Premiere Pushed To March

Lindy Parker — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 17:45:00 GMT

Top Model fans (Yes, fine, okay, we watch it) will have to put their excitement on hold for an additional week -- the premiere of Cycle 12 has been moved from February 25 to March 4. On the plus side, Miss T had added a new guest judge this season to help the models with their acting challenge...

Is Clay Aiken really the best Tyra can do for an acting judge? Maybe she wants him to talk to the girls about the pressures of a reality show competition, or how to catalyze a feud between Kelly Rippa and Rosie O'Donnell, or maybe he could just talk about being a new father -- you know, things all the models can relate too.

Previously:

America's Next Top Model Cycle 12: Tyra Chooses the Models

No More TV in NYC? What's a "Gossip Girl" To Do?

Lindy Parker — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 19:00:00 GMT

When we first saw this NY Mag headline, we were like, "What? What about Law and Order? Gossip Girl? Ugly Betty? Flight of the Conchords? TRL? The Tyra Banks Show?!! What's HAPPENING to our lives?!" Then we got a hold of ourselves and read the rest of the article...

For anyone who's ever had their car towed because of Gossip Girl, there's good news today: Thanks to New York's used-up tax credits for TV production, no fall pilots are being shot in the city this year (nineteen were shot here last year). (NY Magazine)

So we can all calm down. It seems it's largely new pilots that have been affected, but it does make us ponder what life would be like if this had happened two years ago, and the Gossip Girl pilot had never been shot. Life without Gossip Girl? Put that in you pipe...

Number of Times We Teared Up During "Biggest Loser Families": 7

Lindy Parker — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:20:00 GMT

Maybe it's because this is the first time we've ever watched this show, or maybe it's because we're suckers for a makeover, but really, we were a blubbering mess as the contestants revealed their new looks created by Tyra Banks and Christian Siriano -- seems like somebody called the magic of that pairing a while ago...Oh, yes. Olivia did.

Truth be told we were less interested when the weight-loss hopefuls left the Tyra stage and got back to the fitness ranch where, in addition to working out and dieting, they participate in a series of weird Fear Factor-esque challenges. Also, is that the girl from Days of Our Lives hosting this rodeo? Hang on, we're looking it up...Yes, indeed, Sami from Days of Our Lives.

It seems Allison Sweeney fancies herself a bit of a bombshell Dr. Phil on the biggest loser. Our favorite quote from the former soapy star:

"You have to stop using the phrase 'I can't' because that is what got you to this point in your life!"

Wow. Thanks for that Sami. Very helpful. In the end, we were made more than a little uncomfortable watching the teams step on the scale in front of God and everybody to be either praised or humiliated, but we're not here to judge. And like we said, we may have shed more tears last night than during the entire last half of The Shawshank Redemption. So there it is.

“The Tyra Banks Show” is Moving

Olivia Purnell — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:05:00 GMT

That’s right. Tyra is taking her own special brand of Oprah meets super model meets drag queen meets female empowerment/beautification to the CW network. Until now, The Tyra Banks Show was part of Warner Bros. Domestic TV Distribution, aka WBDTV (Who knew?). The CW already airs Tyra’s fierce and fabulous disaster, America’s Next Top Model. Now they hope to really rake in the viewers with a double dose of Tyra. Telepictures prez Hilary Estey McLoughlin says:

The move will enable Banks "to continue her success while collaborating with the network to cross-promote her brand in both daytime and primetime, maximizing her audiences and impact on one home." (thr.com)

Whatevs. As long as we get more of this:

Vaseline!!!!!

"ANTM" Presents: Finale Thoughts

Lindy Parker — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:20:00 GMT

We'll say this about the Cycle 11 finale of America's Next Top Model -- the final runway was badass...

That said, we weren't that psyched on the final two. After Analeigh was eliminated, we found ourselves losing interest in the actual winner. Here's the thing, we really enjoy this show even with all Tyra's kookiness, but inevitably when it comes down to the finale, all our favorites have been eliminated. Guess it just goes to show, we should definitely not be casting models for anything -- we obviously don't know what we're looking for.

In the end, it was McKey who took the title...

...and, you know, we're for her and everything, but she has kind of a weird voice, no? Her haircut's fierce, but she always seems a little stoned to be honest. Regardless, despite the fact that Nigel referred to both girls as "linebacker-ish," McKey beat out the overly enthusiastic Samantha who, let's face it, was too much of a spaz to be America's Next Top Model. She took the news quite graciously, although we may have been distracted by the sight of McKey lifting Tyra off the ground.

The Remote Island : Tyra Banks

"ANTM" Cycle 12 Finale Airs Tonight -- Top Models on "Tyra" This Afternoon [VIDEO]

Tyra Drops Paulina Porizkova From the "ANTM" Judging Panel [VIDEO]

Tyra's Stalker: The Verdict Is In

Listen Up America: Oprah Is Not Wearing a Weave! [VIDEO]

Tyra Takes The Stand

Today in Sour Grapes: Latest "ANTM" Reject Accuses Tyra of "Shady" Dealings

Rejected Tocatins "Survivor" Brendan Synnott Sells Granola to Tyra? [VIDEO]

Yet More TV Stalker News: Tyra Banks' Stalker On Trial

Shorties Get Ready: "America's Next Top Model" Audition Is On Again

Levi Johnston Spills The Beans On Tyra

Tyra Banks Cameo in the "Hannah Montana" Movie [VIDEO]

Is Meghan McCain's Weight a Thing? [VIDEO]

Tyra Saves The Day After "ANTM" Model Stampede

Top Models Gone Wild [VIDEO]

"ANTM" Gives Us a Familiar Face

Today In PSA's: Oprah's Broadcast Is For "All The Rihannas" -- But Tyra's Got Something To Say Too

We're Leaving for "The Tyra Banks Show" in Fifteen Minutes

"America's Next Top Model" Cycle 12 Premieres Tonight!

Rosie O'Donnell Sobers Up and Talks Menopause

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus One Week

CW Renews Six Shows: "Everybody Hates Chris" Is Not One of Them

"Next Top Model" Seeks Short Women

Countdown to "The Tyra Banks Show": T Minus Two Weeks

"Tyra Banks" Tomorrow: "I Hate Being Gay"

"Top Model" Cycle 12 Premiere Pushed To March

No More TV in NYC? What's a "Gossip Girl" To Do?

Top 5 Videos from the Beyonce Revolution

Number of Times We Teared Up During "Biggest Loser Families": 7

“The Tyra Banks Show” is Moving

"ANTM" Presents: Finale Thoughts