The Remote Island : Top Chef

Padma Lakshmi Launches Jewelry Line

Jake Kalish — Tue, 05 May 2009 15:22:00 GMT

A jewelry line inspired by lentils? WTF?

Officially launched on Friday, the fine jewelry line is being sold exclusively at Bergdorf Goodman and will retail from $300-$6,000 for cuffs, necklaces, rings and earrings. And if link between jewelry and food isn’t obvious at first, look closer at the collection. The shapes are inspired by things like seeds and pods, such as cardamom, lentils, and cloves, as well as by her Indian heritage.

Lentil jewelry? Just buy lentils. They're good for you, and so much cheaper. You could glue some lentils you don't eat onto a string and call it a bracelet, kind of like a summer camp arts-and-crafts project for adults. Just an idea. Okay, a bad one. So let's see what Padma's got:

Well, now we're just staring at Padma Lakshmi. But we can definitely tell that those bracelets are way better than lentils glued onto a string. You win this challenge, Lakshmi. You can see more of Padma Lakshmi's jewelry (and more Padma Lakshmi) at padmalakshmi.com.

PREVIOUSLY:

Top Chef Rolls The Dice

Padma Lakshmi Gets Naked [PHOTO]

Padma Lakshmi Does Improv Comedy, We Issue A Call To Arms

Top Chef Rolls The Dice

Jake Kalish — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:22:00 GMT

Top Chef has chosen its Season 6 city. And what city is that, you ask? Big hint: it's a town that's already very familiar with chips..

Yup, Padma, Tommy C, and the cheftestants are going to Vegas.

And that's not as wacky as it might once have been - just over a decade ago, perhaps the best thing Vegas had to recommend it as a culinary city were $1.25 biscuits and gravy at 5 in the morning. It was the land of all-you-can-eat, and nothing you want to. But with the push to make Vegas more family and business friendly around the milennium came a plethora of new fine dining establishments. Many top restauranteurs are opening spots in Vegas, and the city already has its very own celebrity chef - Jeff Henderson, drug-dealer turned bestselling author, executive chef at the Bellagio, and Food Network personality. And you Top Chef fans might recall that Season 3 winner Hung was a sous chef at Guy Savoy's restaurant in Vegas.

So this is not the culinary equivalent of putting all your money on your birthdate in roulette. It is, however, not where many thought Top Chef was going, since snivelly little trickster Toby Young had twittered that filming had already begun in Seattle. But then, he also twittered that Tom Colicchio had grown a huge beard and looked like Joaquin Phoenix. Lesson: don't believe Twitter or Toby Young. See, this is how you lose friends and alienate people.

PREVIOUSLY:

Padma Lakshmi Gets Naked [PHOTO]

Padma Lakshmi Does Improv Comedy, We Issue A Call To Arms

"Top Chef New York" Reunion

"Top Chef Masters": Chefbians? Really?

Padma Lakshmi Gets Naked [PHOTO]

Olivia Purnell — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Padma is a classy bitch. She lost a few points with us when she did that ad for Hardee's Bacon Triple Bypass Burger with Extra Arterial Fat.

This latest photo, on the other hand, is lovely. And it proves that she does not eat at Hardee's:

Tasteful. Classy. And those are not the thighs of someone who eats Double Bacon Pounders with Mayo and Cheese. We really enjoy this photo, but, as jossip.com points out, it's missing something:

Can't see it? Maybe that's because the 7-inch scar on her forearm — from a car accident when she was little — is either hidden or Photoshopped away entirely. Which is sad, because Padma tells People that it's her favorite body part.

We too are a little sad that Padma's scar doesn't make an appearance. But we can't say we're super suprised. The folks at Allure photoshop with wild abandon. It's as though their designers go for two-for-one mojitos during happy hour and then work the night shift, photoshopping the living shit out of the beautiful women they feature while giggling profusely, and wondering what they put in those drinks to make them so damn juice-box good. It's the sugar-rum combo, guys and gals. Nature's crack will make you do crazy things. Just look:

Really, somebody needs to stop them. The lovely Gabrielle Union looks like one of those bronzed statue people in time square. Like if you give her a quarter she'll do a quick jig then get back on her paint bucket til some kid throws a half eaten hot dog at her chest. That ain't right.

(jossip.com)

Previously:

Padma Lakshmi Does Improv Comedy, We Issue A Call To Arms

Padma Lakshmi For Hardee's Bacon Western Thickburger?

"Top Chef Masters": Love The Concept, Not The Host

TLC Serves Up Their Own "Ace of Cakes"

Lindy Parker — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:30:00 GMT

Inspired by the success of the Food Network's novelty cake guru-squad Ace of Cakes, TLC has decided to bring some competition with their own reality show about the misadventures of an east coast bakery...

TLC has ordered a new docu-soap series called "Cake Boss" that follows acclaimed baker Buddy Valastro...Valastro's elaborate confections for celebrities like Britney Spears have been featured on shows ranging from "Today" to "The Sopranos." The show will follow the New Jersey-based Valastro and his Italian family as they run Carlo's Bakery in Hoboken. (The Live Feed)

Is it rude for us to say we're not that excited about this idea? We can't help it -- this guy reminds us of the loathesome Miguel from Top Chef, and who wants to watch a half-hour of all Miguel all the time? Answer: Nobody. And anyway, even if Buddy Valastro turns out to be less annoying than Miguel, there's no way he can live up to our crush on Ace of Cakes sidekick Geof Manthorne...

Previously:

Is TLC Encouraging More Octomoms?

Goodbye Trading Spaces!

Crush of the Day: Tyler Florence

Padma Lakshmi Does Improv Comedy, We Issue A Call To Arms

Jake Kalish — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 17:30:00 GMT

OMFG. We just discovered that Padma Lakshmi took improv comedy classes at Upright Citizens Brigade -and just graduated from UCB's "Level One Intensives", after 4 six-hour classes. She gave her required graduation show the other night - open to the public - and, after searching the internet for video of this event like crazed, horny research monkeys, there's clearly nothing. Oh, a couple of Twitters about it, but no visual evidence.

So this is a call to arms. We MUST have video of Padma doing improv. This is our Lost Ark. Our Holy Grail. WE NEED THIS. If anyone ever sees Padma Lakshmi improvising anywhere, get that on video, and send it to us. remoteisland@nerve.com. Until that glorious day - and Oh, It Will Come - we'll have to content ourselves with this Grub Street recap of the show, which apparently featured her wearing a see-through top and talking about wedgies...

Wearing a see-through top, she giggled through the other team’s performance, even during a scene about a young girl courting men at an AARP singles night. (Her date, Teddy Forstmann, didn’t laugh.) When the “All White and a Little Brown” team took the stage, Padma (presumably the “little bit of brown”) performed a monologue about being an “everything but” girl in high school (as were all of her friends). She talked about skipping school to get drunk with a guy who tried to figure out what exactly was on the menu: sex, everything but, or “anything goes.” We learned that a wedgie is called a “murphy” on the West Coast, and there are different “euphanisms” for oral sex and handsies, too.

Dear God, we must have this video.

PREVIOUSLY:

Padma Lakshmi For Hardee's Bacon Western Thickburger?

"Top Chef Masters": Love The Concept, Not The Host

"Top Chef": Final Thoughts

"Top Chef" Tryouts: Get Your Spatulas Ready

R.I.P Natasha Richardson From Her TV Fans And Friends

Lindy Parker — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 18:45:00 GMT

Sad news that you no doubt know: actress Natasha Richardson died yesterday from injuries sustained in a skiing accident. Although she worked largely in film and theatre, some of television's leading ladies spoke out, expressing their grief and offering condolences to her family and friends...

Oprah Winfrey:
"I just want to say how deeply saddened I am, we all are, by the sudden passing of actress Natasha Richardson yesterday. Our thoughts and prayers are with her husband Liam Neeson, their two sons, the rest of their family and friends. Yet another reminder of how fleeting life can be and how precious. We need to value every moment."

Kelly Ripa:
"She was a lady. I can't tell you enough what a good person she was, and fun and vivacious and the most full of life."

Martha Stewart (via Twitter):
"Just heard the tragic news about poor Natasha Richardson. Her family must be devastated. My sincerest condolences to all." (Us Magazine)

As our own little farewell, here's a clip of Natasha as one of our favorite guest judges on this past season of Top Chef...

Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi (Richardson was a guest judge):
"She was great. She was lovely. She was just like one of the gang. She was very, very articulate. She was very, very opinionated. She was very compassionate. She had a very sophisticated palate." (Us Magazine)

Previously:

Top Chef: New Girl Crush

Anthony Bourdain Picks and Pans

Jake Kalish — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 18:35:00 GMT

Anthony Bourdain was asked by MSN TV to give his "culinary picks and pans" for the plethora of food-related shows, and, of course, he answered with no reservations, and no small amount of venom. Wouldn't want to be Toby Young reading this...

Rachael Ray: "I think people respond to her because of her personality and not her cooking, which is pretty damned awful."

Martha Stewart: "She cooks with great proficiency and economy of movement. That's a stone-cold efficiency that, as a professional, I gotta respect."

Toby Young: (This after Bourdain called Top Chef "the best cooking competition on television by far.") "Toby wrote a successful book that made a good case for his uselessness. He's lived up to that promise."

The Judges Of Iron Chef: America: "The judges, man. Have they had Richard Grieco on yet as judge? I think they had Criss Angel on, for crissakes. Who are these douchebags they put on there?"

PREVIOUSLY:

Anthony Bourdain Brings The Snark To Facebook Apps

Bourdain Disses Batali

Mario Batali And Anthony Bourdain Talk Food And Sex

"Top Chef New York" Reunion

Lindy Parker — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Strangely, we found ourselves enjoying last night's Top Chef New York reunion more than some of the season's episodes, perhaps because the camraderie and general vibe of good will amongst the cast was a nice change from previous seasons' reunions that have featured, among other things, screaming matches, drunkenness, and palpable tension between the contestants. Other than the moment where we were forced to endure Hosea and Leah watching the video flashback of their hookup, we can't remember another uncomfortable moment. Mostly it was a lovefest for all involved.

Highlights from the show:

• This conversation:

Stefan: I could be fan favorite. It's possible. Read the blogs.
Colicchio: I don't think it's possible.

• Stefan claiming he's happy he didn't win Top Chef. Bravo could have really hit this moment out of the park with a montage of Stefan's most extreme trash talking during the show that at times amounted to "I will kill myself if I don't win."

• Bravo programming executive and host Andy Cohen (Who? Yeah, exactly) running the "Fabio is Stefan's boyfriend" joke into the ground. Later, we had reason to suspect that Andy Cohen would actually like to be Tom Colicchio's boyfriend.

• The inevitable, yet necessary bald chef montage.

• Leah and Hosea admitting to an ongoing attraction, and Tom Colicchio attempting to bribe Hosea into moving to New York and becoming Leah's boyfriend. Colicchio is like a bald Jewish yenta.

• Stefan oggling Padma's bra-less rack.

• Fabio winning fan favorite Although, we kind of wish Carla had pulled a Faith Hill and thrown the camera a mouthed, "WTF?"

• Stefan continuing to pretend that mid-thirties = geriatric and infirm. Stefan: "Come on, people, I'm thirty-six years old. I have a weak heart."

• Never before seen footage of Jamie and Leah getting plowed before judges panel. Colicchio: "I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner."

Previously:

Top Chef: Final Thoughts

"Top Chef": Hosea Kisses and Tells

Lindy Parker — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:00:00 GMT

We've decided to just embrace the Real World-y quality of the Hosea-Leah Top Chef hookup. In that spirit, we need to hear the debrief from all parties involved. Remote Jake gave you Leah's side of the story, so now it's time for Hosea's confessional. Turns out the kiss with Leah may have "damaged" Hosea's relationship with his girlfriend beyond repair. Unfortunate for Hosea because she is hot...

Here's what Hosea had to say about the Leah hookup...

We have to talk about the kiss. So are you and Leah still friends? Are you still with your girlfriend?
As soon as I got back from New York I told my girlfriend what happened, and she was pretty damn upset, but we kind of worked through it. But at that point our relationship was damaged, and over time things didn’t really work out. It wasn’t really because of Leah; it was just our relationship didn’t work out. Umm, in response to Leah, I consider her a friend. I think we’ll be friends for a long time. We care about each other; we like each other. We had a real connection in New York, and obviously we crossed a line that we shouldn’t have crossed. But that doesn’t change the fact that we like each other and we have a connection, and I think I’ll be friends with Leah for the rest of my life. (E! Online)

Gotta say, it's hard for us to comment objectively on this because we find Hosea so annoying. Everytime we start to write a response, it ends up sounding more hateful than necessary -- we can't help imagining what it would be like to kiss Hosea with that sparse, yet unsavory facial hair. Ew. We think it's time to put this one to rest before that visual gives us night terrors.

Previously:

Top Chef: Leah Thinks Toby Young Is a Douchebag

When Did Top Chef Become The Real World?

Top Chef: Final Thoughts

Padma Lakshmi For Hardee's Bacon Western Thickburger?

Jake Kalish — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:29:00 GMT

Cash in those chips, Lakshmi. But please don't say the money is for "A beautiful love song to food"...

Lovely Padma Lakshmi will be appearing in an ad for a 910-calorie monstrosity known as the Bacon Western Thickburger, as brought to you by Hardee's. And directed by Chris Applebaum, the same dude who brought you this Paris Hilton ad for Carl's Jr.

Guess his oeuvre is hot women with big burgers. And, you know, this is fine for Padma Lakshmi, we guess. She's the host of an excellent show, and if she wants to parlay that into some dirty green, more power to her. That is, until she describes an ad for a Bacon Western Thickburger thusly:

"I think it's a beautiful love song to food," Lakshmi says of her new ad. "I think eating in itself is the act of great sensuality, so all you have to do is point the camera in the right direction."

Our Favorite Oscar Commercial: Tom Colicchio Keeps It Real With Diet Coke

Lindy Parker — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 20:00:00 GMT

What with all the shameless product placement on Top Chef these, we suppose it's not that surprising to find Tom Colicchio knocking back a few Diet Cokes for The Man.

Take a look:

We're just going to say it: there's a possibility Tom should keep his day job.

Previously:

Cook Like Tom Colicchio

Tom Colicchio Saves a Life

"Top Chef": Bright Lights, Big Easy

Lindy Parker — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:15:00 GMT

Before we get into the actual episode, a brief note about Emeril Lagasse: Our relationship with the exuberant Food Network chef has undergone something of a rebirth of late. We can't understand what happened exactly -- we used to find all his wild gesturing and bellows of "Bam!" to be excruiating, but then, two weeks ago, we were at the gym and found ourselves mesmerized by his preparation of fried cheese bread with andouille sausage. Then, the other day we were making chicken soup in the kitchen, and we turned to our boyfriend and said, "Sometimes I just say to myself, 'Self...ANOTHER NOTCH!!'" before chucking more sliced jalapeño peppers into the pot. Our boyfriend was weirded out, but it was then we realized that we'd come to love Emeril in spite of ourselves.

In the same vein, our Emeril love fest continued last night during part one of this year's Top Chef finale...

The final four (Hosea, Fabio, Stefan, and our girl Carla) arrived in New Orleans all studied up on Cajun flavors and southern comfort food recipes. No sooner had they arrived at the site of their first challenge, then Padma informed that they wouldn't be competingin a quickfire at all. Instead, three previously eliminated chefs (Jamie, Leah and Jeff) would battle it out for a chance to get back in the game. None of the final four looked all that psyched on this idea, and Fabio -- festooned in a pastel pink cashmere scarf and leather jacket -- looked positively murderous. In the end, Emeril liked Jeff's crawfish dish the best...

Not a big surprise since, per usual, Leah fell apart, and Jamie copped attitude about the ingredients. Although, on the plus side, both Leah and Jamie looked extra made-up and pretty in that way you would if you'd watched a dozen episodes of yourself sweating and running around the kitchen, and you've been given a second chance to prove your hotness.

Jeff's win secured him a place in the elimination challenge and the ranks of the remaining chefs swelled from four to five. However, Jeff's "deal with the devil" required him to win the elimination challenge (catering a masquerade ball at the New Orleans Museum of Art) in order to stay in the game.

In the end, even though Jeff gave it his all (in addition to giving us a much appreciated glimpse of a calmer, happier, more zen Jeff), his efforts weren't quite enough to win the challenge. That said, Emeril seemed genuinely sorry to seem Jeff go -- he's so kind and jolly, that Emeril!

While we enjoyed Jeff a lot in this episode, imagine our delight as Carla's tortoise run for the finish line continued...

The judges raved unanimously about her trio of Big Easy-inspired delectables, and we did a victory dance around the room. Sadly, Fabio couldn't quite infuse his Italian techniques and recipes with southern flavors and soul. Also, we thought his presentation was off -- his dishes looked a bit like stuff you might get in the school cafeteria...

Finale bound: Carla, Hosea, Stefan.

"Top Chef": Leah Thinks Toby Young Is A Douchebag

Jake Kalish — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 22:11:00 GMT

She also talks about the Hosea makeout session, and gets pissed off about Eggs Benedict. She's got some sass, this Leah. We were under the impression she went just as far as she possibly could have, but apparently she doesn't feel the same way:

Please! I've definitely been the 'brunch bitch' at restaurants and I've done eggs Benedict before. To have that be the downfall of the show for me was kind of, I thought, pathetic. It's eggs Benedict! People who don't know how to cook know how to make eggs Benedict. Whatever.

Well, yeah, except she'd already been granted a reprieve, when Stefan's desserts won Restaurant Week for her team, thereby saving her from elimination for her bony, scaly disaster of a fish dish. So maybe she shouldn't bitch too much. Nope, still bitching:

I didn't realize how intense the show was going to be...And you're in this little bubble, and you have no interaction with the rest of the world, and you're told what to do all the time. I felt like a child again.

Sure, but now you're a child who strangers are interviewing and blogging about. Anyway, Leah's also pissed about how the Hosea stuff was edited for television:

We were really good friends and we kissed one night, that was pretty much it. What they showed on TV was really the extent of our relationship beyond the friendship that happened. And that was it. We hung out all the time. But I also hung out with Stefan all the time, and they didn't put that in at all. I was predominately with Hosea, Stefan and Fabio for the entire time. I didn't hang out with the girls that much.

Wonder what "pretty much" means in that sentence. Her real venom is saved for Toby Young. And there she definitely has a point:

Toby Young is a douchebag. He was just, like, whatever. He didn't bring much to the show. He didn't bring much to me as a judge like Gail. You valued her opinion. I thought his witty banter didn't do much for constructive criticism. My friends are like, "Who is this f--king douchebag?"

PREVIOUSLY:

"Top Chef" Reject Says Bravo Used Him As A Sex Object

"Top Chef": Thrill Me Or Kill Me

"Top Chef Masters": Does The Judge/Contestant Equation Now Result In An Improper Fraction?

Jake Kalish — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:33:00 GMT

We've got this theory about the successful power dynamic between judges and contestants on shows like Top Chef, Project Runway, and American Idol, and are concerned that the upcoming Top Chef Masters, which pits "internationally famous chefs against each other," may upset that delicate balance.

See, here's the thing - shows like Top Chef, Idol , and Runway work because they showcase real, impressive talent. But almost equally important is that this talent be somehow less than that of the top judge. On Idol this is especially true, even though we've never heard Simon Cowell sing a note - by the sheer force of his personality, he's always the top dog in the room. Colicchio does it in a more subtle, whimsical way, but it's the same principle: no matter how well Stefan, Fabio, or Carla do, you never forget that Tommy (and the guest judge) is better - and hence is in the position to judge. But how will this work with master chefs? Will we have a kind of gracious, "Everything is so delicious" vibe that we see on Iron Chef: America? That doesn't work as well, because it seems like less is up in the air - on shows like Top Chef, and Runway, there's this great "oh shit" quality, where the talented contestants are losing their minds a little, attempting stuff that may or may not be over their heads. And then they get the final judgment from the True Authority. But who will play that role if all the contestants are master chefs?

The judges for Top Chef Masters, besides the aforementioned Kelly Choi, are: New York magazine's restaurant critic Gael Green, Editor-in-Chief of Saveur magazine James Oseland and British journalist, writer and broadcaster Jay Rayner.

Legit foodies all, but no big-time chef on the panel. This is dangerous, because you run the risk of the workers looking bigger than the boss. Now instead of the apprentice/master relationship between contestant and judge, you've got the master/critic relationship - can that possibly work as well?

PREVIOUSLY:

"Top Chef Masters": Love The Concept, Not The Host

"Top Chef": Thrill Me or Kill Me

Lindy Parker — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 17:00:00 GMT

We're a little weirded out by this picture. The elimination challenge required the chefs to draw knives with the names of various culinary allstars and then prepare the meal that said allstar requested as their "last supper," so, you know, we get it, but we've still spent the better part of the morning obsessed with which of these chefs would be Jesus. We've decided on Tom Colicchio. Toby Young would obviously be Judas Iscariot...

We always enjoy it when Wylie Durfrasne acts as a guest judge on Top Chef, mostly because his general vibe seems to be "cut the shit." Case in point: For the quick-fire challenge, he asked the chefs to make him a dish using his favorite ingredient -- evidently Wylie Dufresne loves him an egg. Most of the remaining chefs are falling all over themselves to impress Wylie with their fancy egg triptychs and molecular gastronomy...

...and eyeing Carla's less complicated "green eggs and ham" dish with disdain...

Turns out Wyle's not a fan of pretention, but he is a fan of Dr. Seuss and food that tastes good. Carla wins the quickfire, and we pump our fist in the air.

Carla's prize for her win is the opportunity to swap "last supper" dishes with any of the other chefs. Carla's reaction:

"Why would you think that I would give up Jacques Pepin? And he wants PEAS! I think Jacques and I are two peas in a pod....HAHA!"

We LOVE her. We feel almost giddy about the fact that this year's finale is in New Orleans -- a region with whose cuisine Carla is already familiar.

Prep for the elimination challenge gets off to a rocky start -- Fabio breaks his finger doing some unknown activity. Quote of the week from Fabio when asked whether or not he wants to go to the hospital:

"Hospital? I'll chop it off and sear it on the flat top so it doesn't bleed anymore, and tomorrow I'll deal with nine fingers."

Unfortunately, Lidia Bastianich's last meal is roast chicken with roast potatoes and a leafy salad. We watch Fabio suffer through peeling potatoes and butchering chicken using one hand, a clever and the side of the counter (bless his heart). Apparently, some of the best meals are made under duress -- Fabio's chicken wows the judges and earns him the win and a spot in the finale. Carla comes in second with her less-is-more roast squab and fresh peas...

Susan Ungaro's comment: "Her peas were perfection" -- a sentiment which Padma weirdly co-opted as her own during judges panel.

Hosea, Leah and Stefan are on the chopping block for various culinary sins, but Leah runs out of lives with her runny egg whites and is sent packing.

Random sidenote: We kind of wish Wylie Dufresne spelled his name "Wylee."

Top Chef: Go Fish

Lindy Parker — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 17:00:00 GMT

We just want to go on record as saying that Eric Ripert is our favorite guest judge on Top Chef. Don't get us wrong, we love Bourdain too, but Eric Ripert is so smiley, and kind, and tan...

The quickfire challenge pitted the chefs against each other in a three-round fish filet-ing tournament. Secretly, we were wishing it could've been a relay because those are always more intense -- all the chefs screaming at each other like it's the final ten seconds of the NCAA finals. For the elimination challenge, the chefs were taken to Eric Ripert's New York City restaurant, Le Bernadin, and served a lunch comprised of six fish dishes from Ripert's menu. Pause as we chuckle over Fabio addressing Chef Ripert as "Eric the Ripper." After the meal, the chefs draw knives to determine which of the dishes they will re-create for the challenge. As the winner of the quickfire, Stefan gets to choose his dish, much to the dismay of Hosea who appears to be suffering from a recent bout of xenophobia. Jamie's weirdly pouty about the whole thing -- We're not sure what to do with Jamie these days. Why is she such an Eeyore? Time for her to go.

The Le Bernadin challenge actually goes significantly better than we would've thought. No one is really a disaster except Hosea (too much zataar) and Jamie (not enough prozac). Our girl Carla surprises everyone by executing the most difficult dish in the bunch with near perfect precision. Our dream finale: Carla, Fabio, Stefan -- tell us that wouldn't be a good time.

Quote of the week from Carla: When I was younger, I majored in theater, but now this is what I want to be when I grow up -- one of Ripert's dishes."

In the end, Stefan's lobster dish lands the closest to Eric Ripert's original and he finishes with double wins for this challenge. We're pretty resigned to him as Top Chef (although we're not ruling out a wacky Carla upset), but we're glad he got his ass handed to him by Andrea last week. We think it's taken him down a peg, and made him easier to enjoy in general.

Stefan's lobster dish:

Ripert's lobster dish:

Just as predictable, Jamie's dish fell short and she is sent packing. Where Jamie went wrong: "To be honest I'm actually bored with this kind of food. It's not something that inspires me." Girl, please. Time for you to go.

Bottom line: We love you, Eric Ripert. It's a lovefest over here. Come back soon.

"Top Chef" Tryouts: Get Your Spatulas Ready

Jake Kalish — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 22:45:00 GMT

Gaaah! Padma Lakshmi eating ribs in her underwear is the hottest thing ever! Just fell over and started convulsing! Okay, up now...

Top Chef will be holding auditions soon for potential contestants, and casting for season six has already started. Here are the details for all you future Stefans and Carlas:

We are now casting for Top Chef Season 6!
We're looking for chefs with a passion for food, creativity, a knowledge of cooking techniques and trends and oodles of charisma. We want to be impressed.

To apply, please complete the following and mail (or scan and email) to us asap (see complete instructions in downloadable application):

The application completed and signed (click here to download).
A recent, clear photo of yourself.
A 3-5 minute audition video-tape. Have someone else videotape you; cook us something; we want you to impress us in a (preferably professional) kitchen; show us your knife skills, your plating skills, the use of certain ingredients that makes you stand out, and prove that you've got the chops to compete and win. Remember since we can't taste your creation, the more visual the better. Also, share a slice of your life with us, tell a story, do something that shows us your personality. And do all of that in no more than five minutes.
Your resume.

Mail the above four elements to:

Magical Elves
Top Chef - Cycle 6
P.O. Box # 13005
Los Angeles, CA
90013

All applications must be submitted by March 20th, 2009*, but the sooner you send it the better!

(And here's the schedule for "casting calls", or open auditions for the show -)

Top Chef Season Six Casting Calls are as follows:

SAN FRANCISCO
Sunday, February 8, 10:00 AM – 2:00 PM
Ducca Restaurant & Lounge
www.duccasf.com/

SEATTLE
Wednesday, February 11, 10:00 AM – 2:00 PM
Canlis Restaurant
www.canlis.com

ATLANTA
Sunday, February 22, 10:00 AM – 2:00 PM
Craft Restaurant
www.craftatlanta.com/

NEW YORK
Sunday, March 1, 10:00 AM – 2:00 PM
CraftSteak Restaurant
www.craftrestaurant.com/craftsteak_newyork.html

PHILADELPHIA
Wednesday, March 4, 10:00 AM – 2:00 PM
XIX NINETEEN at Park Hyatt at the Bellevue
www.nineteenrestaurant.com

LOS ANGELES
Sunday, March 15, 10:00 AM – 2:00 PM
Craft Restaurant
www.craftrestaurant.com/craft_losangeles_style.html

CHICAGO
For casting information in Chicago, please email TCCastingChicago@gmail.com

PREVIOUSLY:

Our Top Chef Archive

Top Chef Fantasy Update: Down To The Wire

Lindy Parker — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:44:00 GMT

Okay, last week our faith in Carla was finally rewarded and we feel like things are looking up for our fantasy team. This week, we've swapped Fabio for Jamie because after his weird fight with judge Scott Conant makes us concerned about his courage under fire.

Tonight's episode features guest judge Eric Ripert whose online cooking lessons we love so much...

Previously:

Top Chef Tryouts: Get Your Spatulas Ready!

CBS Wants to Arrange Your Marriage

Lindy Parker — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Hold onto your daughters, kids. CBS is taking the fickle wand of destiny into its greedy clutches, and going into the matchmaking business...

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the series, tentatively and uncreatively titled Arranged Marriage, will follow four unlucky-in-love adults, age roughly 25-45, who allow their friends and family to choose a spouse for them because they're that anxious to commit. The couples will legally tie the knot, and the series will document their lives together post-ceremony. (Popwatch)

Our first reaction to this is: "Ew, weird." But the more we think about it, we realize we're kind of obsessed with the idea of arranged marriages in general. We once went on a date in high school with a guy whose mom gave a post-date speech about how parents, in their infinite wisdom, are the best equipped to choose a suitable mate for their child. Ever since then, (after we got over being uncomfortable) we've been weirdly fascinated by the whole concept. In theory, relationships forged on a show like this could potentially have a better success rate than those formed on, say, The Bachelor. Thoughts?

Cook Like Tom Colicchio

Jake Kalish — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:29:00 GMT

A few days back Top Chef's Tommie C, as we like to call him, appeared on the Today show and offered up a great, affordable steak au poivre recipe, complete with charming cooking demo.

Steak au poivre

Tom Colicchio

INGREDIENTS

• 24 oz. skirt steak (cut in to 4 pieces)

• One-quarter cup cracked black peppercorns

• 2 tablespoons oil

• Salt

• 4 tablespoons cooked shallots

• 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

• 3 tablespoons brandy

• One half-cup heavy cream

• Sautéed spinach

DIRECTIONS

Coat the steaks with peppercorns. Season with salt. In heavy sauté pan heat 2 tablespoons of oil until hot. Add the steaks and cook for three minutes on each side. Remove from the pan and keep warm. Dump out any remaining oil.

Add the shallots, mustard and the brandy to the pan and scrape any brown bits stuck to the bottom of the pan. Add the cream and cook until thickened. Place steaks on a plate, cover with some of the sauce and serve with sautéed spinach.

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Top Chef Reject Says Bravo Used Him As A Sex Object

Tom Colicchio Saves A Life

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"Top Chef" Reject Says Bravo Used Him As a "Sex Object"

Lindy Parker — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 16:25:00 GMT

Alternate titles for this post: "Jeff Serves Up Sour Grapes" or "Top Chef Has a New Drama Queen." It seems this week's Top Chef reject, Jeff McInnis, had some less-than flattering things to say about his experience on the show...

How do you think you’ll be remembered on the show? What impression did you leave?
I think the show used me as some kind of sex object. Every single show that I’ve ever seen, they have me with my shirt off in the beginning — which is kind of strange. I don’t run around the house naked half the time like they portrayed me. It seems like a camera was always following me around trying to find me whenever I’m taking my clothes off to change in the morning or at night. So, to be used like that is always fun. (People.com)

Really, Jeff? A sex object? Because they showed you in a few "getting ready" montages? Please, it's not like they showed you oiling up with the rendered duck fat. As if that weren't enough, Jeff took a shot at head judge, Tom Colicchio, for good measure...

My opinion about Tom Colicchio’s food is that it’s extremely boring. I’ve been to his restaurant. His chicken dish on his menu is roasted chicken with roasted potatoes, thyme and olive oil. If I want that, I’d go to my grandmother’s house. That’s just not exciting to me. I don’t know who would go out and pay exorbitant amounts of money for that food.

Hmmmm. We're not trying to tell you how to run your career or anything here, but we're thinking that publically trashing a major restauranteur's food isn't the way to go about getting jobs.

"Hell's Kitchen" Season Premiere Tonight At 9 On Fox

Jake Kalish — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 20:03:00 GMT

We're calling for a televised super celebrity chef reality show cookoff - Ramsay vs. Batali vs. Colicchio vs. Bourdain vs. Flay vs. Lidia Bastianich (just because we like her) vs. the winner of a televised cook-in match between all the previous Hell's Kitchen winners, and the winner of a televised cook-in match between all the previous Top Chef winners. That would give us an 8-chef playoff, with the winner responsible for feeding America. Hey, times are tough, and we need to eat.

No, but seriously, how awesome would that be? We should totally be in programming.

All right, enough with dreams. This is the start of season 5 of Fox's sacrificial lamb kebab to other network programming. Chef Ramsay and his victims aren't ever going to beat out Grey's or CSI in the ratings, but could defeat The Office and 30 Rock.The winner of this season of Hell's Kitchen gets to be the head chef at the Borgata in Atlantic City. Now the Borgata is by far the fanciest hotel/casino in AC - and thousands of people come in there every day - but then again, it's in Atlantic City. Seriously, is having to live in Atlantic City, the nation's capital for bail bonds and pawn shops, a reward or a punishment? First prize should come with a hooker and a fake Rolex.

PREVIOUSLY:

Mario Batali vs. Gordon Ramsay

Top Chef: The Carla Show

Lindy Parker — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 18:00:00 GMT

We have an official, full-scale, girl crush on Carla. We LOVE her. Our dearest hope is that she comes from behind to take the title and we'll witness the greatest comeback in Top Chef history...

This week's challenge required the remaining chefs to face-off in Super Bowl themed, twenty-minute speed cooking sessions against "all-stars" from seasons past -- although strangely, with the exception of Josie (a previous girl crush) and maybe Spike (whose DC restaurant serves a mean toasted marshmallow milkshake), we don't remember the all-star chefs making it that far in their seasons (who remembers Camille? Not us).

Quote of the week from Andrew (Season 4): "Dear Season 5, if you don't bring your A game, you're gonna get f***ing stomped, and I will be peeing on your bodies."

The Season 5 chefs came out on top with Hosea, Leah, Carla, and Fabio scoring "touchdown" over the all-stars, but the biggest upset of the game came when vegetarian chef, Andrea, from Season 2, came out victorious over Stefan who, as quick-fire winner, had chosen her as his opponent. Needless to say, Stefan didn't appreciate being on the bottom, but the loss was worth it to see the weirdly friendly vibe between Andrea and Tom Colicchio -- who knew they were BFF?

However, we didn't have time to worry about Stefan's disappointment because we were too busy enjoying Carla's reaction to her win. Her prize: tickets to the Super Bowl.

Carla's winning gumbo.

Tom Colicchio Saves A Life

Jake Kalish — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 14:28:00 GMT

So Colicchio is a great chef, a tough but fair judge, one of the "Sexiest Men Living", and now, a hero. Tom saved Joan Nathan, author of Jewish Cooking In America and The New American Cooking, from choking at a Washington, DC event benefiting DC Central Kitchen and Martha's Table. And no one would have known about Colicchio's Heimlich heroics, except one of the people at the dinner was Ezra Klein of the Internet Food Association, who went and blogged all about it.

Colicchio was his humble, charming self, saying merely "I just happened to be nearby." Joan Nathan, grateful for her ursine angel, did all the shouting for Tommy C. "He's so strong!" she said.

Yes, he is.

PREVIOUSLY:

Our Top Chef Archive

Top Chef: We're Warming Up To The Europeans

Lindy Parker — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Funniest quote of the week from Stefan: "I'm the only guy there. I have Shannon the chicken lady. I have Jamie. Carla. And 140 hens. I'm the only cock in the stock." [chuckles to himself] "COCK."

Most annoying quote of the week from judge Toby Young: "When I'm faced with a beautiful, well-reared piece of meat, I don't want to stand back and admire it, I want to have full-blown, unprotected sex. I didn't even get to first base with the pork."

Ew. Perhaps it's his skeevy tone of voice that makes us shudder a little when he uses the word "well-reared." For the record, Colicchio looked uncomfortable too...

This week's challenge was all about knowing where your food comes from. The chefs were divided into three teams (chicken, pork, and lamb) and asked to pick their own vegetables, shake hands with the animal about to be slaughtered for their meal, and ensure that said animal was "honored" by their preparation.

Jamie, Stefan and Carla won the day with their chicken dishes, even though the judges weren't totally psyched about eating hot soup on an ninety degree day.

The pork and lamb teams both got ripped apart by Tom and Toby, but overall the judges couldn't get over their disgust that Ariane hadn't "honored the protein" and sent her packing.

Show of Hands -- Who's Annoyed By New "Top Chef" Judge, Toby Young?

Lindy Parker — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:20:00 GMT

We'll be honest, we didn't find the sarcastic, rambling criticisms of new judge, Toby Young, to be either cute or clever. Reader poll: who thinks he writes these things down beforehand, reads them aloud to the mirror and says to himself, "Yes. Did well there," and then plucks his eyebrows with a pair of golden tweezers? Because that's how it felt to us...

Truthfully, this whole episode was a little blah for us. In fact, if we're being honest, we kind of enjoyed the Diet Dr. Pepper commercial more than the Diet Dr. Pepper quickfire challenge itself, which involved the chefs creating a variety of unimpressive sugarfree desserts for Padma. Radhika came out on top and won immunity going into the elimination challenge. Tom (whom Fabio has dubbed "Co-lee-chee-wah." Ha.) decided that the best way to introduce Toby Young to the chefs is through a blind taste test of their food. He divided the chefs into two groups, and told each chef to create any dish they wanted, no restrictions, for the judges and the other group to taste.

Toby Young didn't really like anybody's food, but Carla, Eugene and Melissa received the brunt of his wrath. In the end, Carla's only sin was a slight misuse of garlic, so she was pardoned. Turns out, the holiday benevolence of the last episode which saved all the chefs from elimination came back to bite them in the ass -- both Gene and Melissa were sent packing.

Apparently, Gene made the grave mistake of including some sort of radish in a tomato/basil pasta. Still, we think it kind of looks cool...

Melissa offended Tom and Toby's sense of sophistication by serving up a fish taco as her best signature dish...

New "Top Chef" Judge Arrives Tonight (Finally)

Lindy Parker — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:25:00 GMT

So we've been waiting for new judge Toby Young for a while now, and tonight is the night. We've heard him described as Top Chef's Simon Cowell, but so far we're skeptical. Makes us pine all the more ardently for Ted Allen's return.

Here's a little preview of tonight's episode:

The Christmas Eve and Christmas Day TV Marathons

Jake Kalish — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 22:30:00 GMT

Well, that's all for us for a bit. We'll be back on a slightly reduced schedule between Christmas and New Year's, so have a great holiday! And be sure to take a look at the best thing about the holidays except, you know, for family and crap: Christmas television marathons!

Thankfully, some librarian guy has made a list of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and even day-after-Christmas TV 'thons, as we like to call them. And there are a whole hell of a lot. Among the ones we'll be checking out instead of talking to our relatives: Top Chef (Christmas Eve and Day), Man vs. Wild (Eve), UFO Files (day) - but there are many, many, more, for people of every conceivable taste -- including Star Trek: The Next Generation all Christmas Day on the Sci Fi Channel.

Go to this dude's site, give him some hits for doing such damn fine research. We'd never do that much work.

"Top Chef": New Girl Crush and a Possible Threesome

Lindy Parker — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 16:00:00 GMT

First things first, why is Martha wearing a look of dread in this picture? We get why Padma looks annoyed -- or rather, she always looks annoyed so we're not surprised by it -- but we can't say why Martha looks like someone's holding her at glue gun point. She's a complicated woman. The Martha-inspired quickfire involved baking a one pot dish for the holidays. Martha liked Ariane's beef and polenta dish best and gave the win to a fellow Jersey girl.

Jamie was none too happy that yet another quickfire win escaped her eager grasp but there wasn't much time to wallow in inadequacy because Padma brought in the Harlem Gospel Choir to serenade the chefs into the elimination round -- an elimination in which the several of chefs nearly lose their minds and we develop a new girl crush...

Seriously, Natasha Richardson is smoking hot. Prior to this moment the idea of a threesome wasn't that appealing to us but we're just saying, if Natasha Richardson and Liam Neeson put it out there, we wouldn't say no. Stefan seemed to feel the same way, but for the record, we think we're probably better in bed than he is. For the elimination challenge, Natasha asked the chefs to prepare twelve dishes inspired by each of the twelve days of Christmas. No one seemed particularly excited about this idea, perhaps because they (and we) were forced to endure a "Happy Holidays From Top Chef" promo comprised of each of the chefs singing the famous Christmas carol in their confessionals. We were grateful for Gene who chose to do his part spoken-word.

The main drama of the episode unfolded as the chefs arrived back at the kitchen on day 2 only to find that one of the fridges had been left open and all the food was bad. Radhika was this close to throwing herself on a row of lit stove burners and Hosea glanced around manically as though to decide whose face he could bash in and get away with it. In the end, the holiday spirit shone through and the chefs worked together as a team to help those with ruined food pull their dishes together. This might have been more moving to us if they hadn't edited in seven or eight confessionals of the chefs saying things like, "We banded together as a team to help each other, because that's what you do in the kitchen." We felt like Bravo might as well have run a ticker tape under the screen that read: "FEEL the joy of the holidays! No really, FEEL it!" We wonder how the chefs felt about the holiday spirit when Hosea and Radhika (the beneficiaries of this yuletide benevolence) ended up in the winner's circle alongside Stefan who, though we despise him, did make one of our favorite foods of all time: chicken pot pie...

Overall, the judges and Natasha were less than impressed with the food. Tom stormed into the stew room after deliberations to give the chefs a talking to that basically boiled down to "don't ever let me see a deviled egg from any of you again." The judges decided the quality of dishes was so low that one wasn't necessarily worse than another. They cancelled the elimination and everyone's safe for another week -- gotta love that holiday spirit.

"Top Chef" Fantasy Update: We Need A Consultant

Lindy Parker — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:00:00 GMT

We feel like our Top Chef fantasy team strategy needs a bit of an overhaul this season -- in short, we kind of suck at picking winners this year -- not really a surprise since the only strategy we ever employed when helping our boyfriend choose his fantasy football team was whether or not the players went to our alma mater. Regardless, we don't like feeling sub par, we're calling in the big guns...

By the way, the above photo (courtesy of Bravo) has nothing to do with anything, we just can't stop staring at it. Those CHOPS -- they are mesmerizing.

We called in some advice from our friend Ray to whose wisdom we defer on most things:

Us: Dude, our team is suffering. We can't continue to embarrass ourselves in this way.

Ray: You need one European, one female and one wildcard who you think has no chance -- that's the formula.

Us: Awesome. We're doing it.

Here's our new team:

For our European, we're going back to Fabio because Stefan's crazy eyes leave us a little unsettled, plus Fabio's kind of winning us over with his impossibly earnest head-nodding and madcap kitchen antics -- almost like if Gerard Depardieu was Italian. We're sticking with Leah for our female because she's got us pretty well convinced she's a closet badass. Carla is our wildcard. We can't help it. We love Carla's cheerful, owl-y vibe. We're secretly hoping she wins this hole thing on a role of wax paper and a prayer.