The Remote Island : Sarah Palin

Margaret Cho: "Bisexual Doesn't Cover It" [VIDEO]

Jake Kalish — Mon, 04 May 2009 19:28:00 GMT

Margaret Cho will appear in a new Lifetime Series, Drop Dead Diva, set to premiere July 12th. In promoting this show, she did an interview with CNN - and when the topic of sexuality came up, she said she identifies as queer, despite being married to a man. Which we're sure he's happy to hear. Then she tried to clarify, and made things less clear...

CNN: You are such an icon in the gay community, but some people took you to task for an interview with The New York Times where you said you identified yourself as gay, although you are married to a man.

Cho: I identify as queer. I've had a lot of same-sex relationships in my life, and I guess it would be bisexual, but to me it's more appropriate to say I am queer. I am also attracted to transgender persons, and bisexual doesn't cover it. I feel like being queer is my politics, it's my life; it's the community I do the most political work in, for the gay, lesbian and the transgender community.

Being married made it much more important for me to fight for gay marriage, because I believe marriage is vital for us as people.

Ah. Okay. You like all the parts, and whoever they are attached to. Does that make you pansexual? Tri-sexual? Also, being married to someone of the opposite sex somehow made you queerer. Um, yay? This whole thing has us so confused. What we do know is, though Margaret Cho would never vote for Sarah Palin, she does totally want to have sex with her:

Margaret Cho Wants to Have Sex With Sarah - The funniest videos clips are here

PREVIOUSLY:

Miss California Carrie Prejean Appears In New Anti-Gay Marriage Ad [VIDEO]

Stephen Colbert's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad [VIDEO]

Oprah Loves Ellen [VIDEO]

Sarah Palin Will Be On "American Chopper" Tonight [VIDEO]

Jake Kalish — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:00:00 GMT

This was fun for everybody but the bear...

Tonight at 9 on TLC, Paul Teutul, in Anchorage to build a bike commemorating Alaska's 50th anniversary as a state, pays a visit to Caribou Barbie. But of course, the Governor greets him with "holey moley"...

"You've got that patriotism inside you." She kind of made that sound dirty, didn't she? Okay, maybe just us.

PREVIOUSLY:

Does America Need More "American Chopper?"

The 2008 Presidential Election Will Be An HBO Movie [VIDEO]

Bristol Palin On Fox News: Abstinence-Only Education Is "Not Realistic"

Maverick Sarah Palin Bravely Takes On Teenage Boy

The 2008 Presidential Election Will Be An HBO Movie [VIDEO]

Jake Kalish — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:59:00 GMT

HBO is making a film about the 2008 Presidential Election, based on a not-yet finished book by political writers Mark Halperin and John Hieleman. No pressure, though, guys.

Our old friend Sarah Hepola on Salon invited readers to speculate on who would play Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin. From where we're standing, it seems like the toughest part to cast is the lead - Barack Obama. Will Smith always seemed like the feature-film choice down the road (the ears help him there) but the biggest movie star in the world probably wouldn't do a TV film. Terrence Howard? Great actor. Jeffrey Wright? Maybe even a better actor. Might not be good-looking enough; is that mean to say?

Regardless, with all the twists and turns, it's a great story for a movie - so finish that book, fellas. It's remarkable, in seeing the recent photos of President Barack Obama and Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton meeting at a picnic table, that this happened just last February...

PREVIOUSLY:

Details On Kal Penn's White House Gig

Today In WTF: Turkish TV News Anchor Dons Blackface To Report On President Obama

Obama On TV: Bad Strategy?

Maverick Sarah Palin Bravely Takes On Teenage Boy

Can Clinton/Blair Compete With "Frost/Nixon"?

Maverick Sarah Palin Bravely Takes On Teenage Boy

Jake Kalish — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 21:25:00 GMT

So Levi Johnston was on Tyra Banks today, and this exchange happened:

Tyra: So she knew that you guys were active?
Levi: Um, yeah.
Tyra: You think she knew.
Levi: I’m pretty sure she probably knew.
Tyra: How are you pretty sure she knew?
Levi: Mom’s are pretty smart.

Yeah, Sarah Palin didn't like all of that too much, and now she's fearlessly taking on the Alaskan teenager. Hey, if McCain had won, she could have been talking tough to Kim Jong-Il. But for our purposes, this is way better...

Here's Palin's response to Levi Johnston going on Tyra. All of this, incidentally, is extremely Presidential:

"Bristol did not even know Levi was going on the show. We're disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention, and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship," says the statement from the Palin family rep, Meghan Stapleton.

"Bristol's focus will remain on raising Tripp, completing her education, and advocating abstinence," the statement continues. "It is unfortunate that Levi finds it more appealing to exploit his previous relationship with Bristol than to contribute to the well being of the child."

The statement ends, saying, "Bristol realizes now that she made a mistake in her relationship and is the one taking responsibility for their actions."

Wow. Where to start? How about where our old pal Sarah Hepola started in Salon:

Oooh: Flat-out lies! Gross exaggeration! Thanks, Sarah Palin -- now we're totally gonna watch the Tyra show now! (Also, sorry to nitpick, because your daughter does seem like a sweet girl but: "advocating abstinence?" Like when she told Greta Van Susteren that abstinence wasn't realistic?)

Also, Sarah Palin, are you really going to get mad at the kid after you and McCain rolled him out at the Republican Convention, and talked, unprompted, about how he was going to marry your daughter? It's funny, the problem Sarah Palin has with Levi Johnston is the problem John McCain has with Sarah Palin: you go and make someone famous, and then you can't control what they do.

PREVIOUSLY:

Levi Johnston Spills The Beans On Tyra

Bristol Palin On Fox News: Abstinence-Only Education Is "Not Realistic"

"Post-Conception Pregnancy Advice Service" Ads On British TV?

Bristol Palin On Fox News: Abstinence-Only Education Is "Not Realistic"

Jake Kalish — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Despite the fact that her mother voted for abstinence-only education in Alaska in 2006, Bristol Palin, 18-year-old mom of Tripp, told Fox News' Greta Van Susteren that "everyone should be abstinent or whatever, but it's not realistic." Sustern presses her about teen pregnancy, and asks if she was "just lazy" about using contraception, which prompts the response from Bristol, who seems very sweet and more than a little overwhelmed. Preach on, Miss Independent (the quote about abstinence comes with about 30 seconds left in this clip):

PREVIOUSLY:

Our Sarah Palin Archive

Top Ten Moments With Bob Costas During NBC's Super Bowl Pregame Coverage

Lindy Parker — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:00:00 GMT

You know how sometimes you type a word, and the longer you stare at it the less it looks like a real word? We find that the same is true of Bob Costas -- the longer we stare at him the less he looks like a real person. We're just saying.

Did we mention that NBC did FIVE HOURS of pregame coverage for the Super Bowl? If you couldn't catch it all, not to worry -- we have the top ten highlights with host Bob Costas...

10. Top of the broadcast, Bob's opener: "Live from Raymond James Stadium, in Tampa, home of the Bucs. We are aboard its signature pirate ship, which will be our vessel for this 43^rd Super Bowl. AHOY MATIES!"

9. Checking in with the "Super Suite," Bob refers to Al Roker as a "Celebrity Magnet." In response, Al asks Bob where he left his eye patch and parrot.

8. Keeping with the nautical theme, Bob refers to Keith Olbermann as "First Mate Keith." Keith follows up by using the word "peripatetic" to describe the Arizona Cardinals franchise.

7. Top Chef judge Tom Colicchio hits us with a fun food fact: More food is eaten in the U.S. on Super Bowl Sunday than on any other day in the year (with the exception of Thanksgiving). Tom introduces the cook-off that will take place later in the broadcast, and Bob chimes in with, "We'll keep with you all afternoon to see if anyone explodes from over-consumption."

6. Hayden Panettiere appears on the pre-game show promoting Heroes and sporting Uggs. She's embarrassed to admit that she's never attended a pro football game. Bob responds by addressing the camera, "Apparently she's never been to a football game, AND (pointing to Hayden's footwear) never been to Tampa."

5. Bob sums up Brett Favre's last four off-seasons in which he threatened to retire, came back, retired, came back and now threatens to retire again as his "Hamlet Act."

4. After NBC reporter, Andrea Kramer reports that the Steelers buses are about to begin their 14 mile journey from the hotel to the stadium, Bob asks, "Andrea, did YOU merit a police escort?" To which her response is inexplicably secretive: "I can't tell you, Bob."

3. For reasons we can't explain, Bob does a pre-game interview with Conan O'Brien who seems to be providing us with some sort of rundown on NFL kicking techniques (how does Conan O'Brien know these things)?

2. Sarah Palin appears on a previously recorded message, well-wishing the troops watching the Super Bowl overseas. Bob looks into the camera and quips, "Is Governor Palin ready for the Super Bowl?...(wink)...you betchya."

1. Bob sits down with Bruce Springsteen to discuss his upcoming performance in the halftime show, and stumbles through an awkwardly worded question about whether or not Springsteen's sixtieth birthday and the recent deaths of two close friends have caused him to write more songs about the passage of time. Bob wraps up the question with: "Maybe you can't jump up on the piano like you used to, but..." The Boss rears up out of his chair and yells, "WANNA BET?!" before challenging Bob to a 40 yard dash.

Many thanks to our friend Ben for helping us with this list, and also for making us feel less inadequate about our football knowledge.

Sarah Palin Admits Those Katie Couric Interviews Didn't Go Well, And For That She Blames Everyone But Herself

Jake Kalish — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:28:00 GMT

So Sarah Palin finally is willing to say those Katie Couric interviews didn't turn out so great - but that was her handlers' fault. Oh, and Katie Couric's. And whoever edited the segment. Watch this interview for the upcoming documentary Media Malpractice, in which Caribou Barbie actually makes some interesting points, when she isn't dishing out the blame:

PREVIOUSLY:

Sarah Palin Wishes She Had Talked More To The Media, Reminding Us Again How Dumb She Is

Our Palin Archive

Sarah Palin Wishes She Had Talked More To The Media, Reminding Us Again How Dumb She Is

Jake Kalish — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:18:00 GMT

So Sarah Palin did an interview with the conservative website Human Events, who named her their "Conservative of The Year" (That's how bad a year it was for conservatives) and in it she said her biggest regret was not doing more interviews. You know, interviews: those things where she said she reads all the magazines, and is a foreign policy expert because Alaska is close to Russia. The things Tina Fey made fun of. Yep, problem #1 was that she wasn't allowed to do enough of those:

The biggest mistake made was that I could have called more shots on this: the opportunities that were not seized to speak to more Americans via media. I was not allowed to do very many interviews, and the interviews that I did were not necessarily those I would have chosen. But I was so thankful to have the opportunity to run with John McCain that I was not going to argue with the strategy decisions that some of his people were making regarding the media contacts.

But if I would have been in charge, I would have wanted to speak to more reporters because that’s how you get your message out to the electorate... I was in a campaign in which I did not know the people individually running the campaign. So I had to put my life, my career, my family, and my reputation in their hands. That’s kind of a scary thing to do when you don’t know the people you are working with.

Wow. "Wasn't allowed"? You were going to possibly take over as POTUS for a 72-year-old guy with face cancer and you weren't "allowed" to do interviews? And then the interviews you were "allowed" to do were the wrong interviews? Because Katie Couric asked about your foreign policy credentials? How about that interview you chose to do? You know, the one with the guy slaughtering turkeys?

And your life and reputation were in "their hands?" How about your hands? You don't see Maverick McCain or Hilldog placing all the blame on their handlers. You were qualified to be Vice President but you weren't qualified to make decisions about interviews? Oh, sorry, you weren't qualified to be Vice President.

PREVIOUSLY: Our Palin Archive

Tina Fey Named Entertainer Of The Year BY The AP

Jake Kalish — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 19:51:00 GMT

She better thank her lucky stars McCain didn't pick Mitt Romney...

Tina Fey has been named the Entertainer of The Year by The Associated Press, edging out "Iron Man" Robert Downey Jr. and "Dead Man" Heath Ledger - who did give one hell of a performance as the Joker, before everyone did the posthumous psychoanalysis and prescription pill inventory .

Fey can also thank teh interwebs - viral video of her Palin performances (and not 30 Rock or Baby Mama) got her this plumb position. And her gigantic book deal. She can only pray her semi-literate doppelganger stays a media darling in 2009; which could happen, if Palin gets a cut of the Fey action. We know how Caribou Barbie has expensive tastes.

PREVIOUSLY: Our Tina Fey Archive

Separated At Birth: "How I Met Your Mother" Cast As The Jonas Brothers And Jonah From "Summer Heights High"

Bryan Christian — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 21:17:00 GMT

The kids from How I Met Your Mother dressed up like the biggest moments of the year for Entertainment Weekly. Very cute stuff (but then, they are cute people, so what'd you expect?) but it did make us want to note two things. First off, kudos for not attempting to Armisen your way into an Obama pic, gang. Your Palin/Cheney impersonation (see above) is charming and, in a weird, losers-are-cooler-y way, much more satisfying.

Second off -- holy crap, when you guys dress up like the Jonas Brothers, you look like Jonah from Summer Heights High.

Click through to see what we mean...

You may think that this is some sort of weird coincidence and that's it -- Jonas, Jonah! -- but we're pretty sure there's more to it. Remote Island Army -- action item for today: check the Jonas Brothers' pants for cum stains.

PREVIOUSLY: Can’t Get Enough Kim Kardashian, "Hills" Stars to Guest on "How I Met Your Mother"

Video Fun: Sarah Palin Gives Interview As Turkeys Are Slaughtered

Jake Kalish — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:54:00 GMT

Have you seen this? So amazing. Click through for the video!

And she describes this as bringing a bit of "levity." Apparently, she was asked about the backdrop before the interview, and responded "no worries." God, we love her when there's no chance of her becoming President. Please, please, give her a talk show. 'Cause it looks like she ain't gonna get to appoint herself Alaska's newest Senator, so we'll need another way to keep her on TV. Because whenever she's in front of a camera or microphone, incredible things happen.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

Happy People Don’t Watch Television?

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:25:00 GMT

Leave it to the damn New York Times to crap all over our happy place, the TV screen.

The Times says:

Happy people spend a lot of time socializing, going to church and reading newspapers — but they don’t spend a lot of time watching television, a new study finds.

That’s what unhappy people do. (nytimes.com)

Although, The Times procures their supposed ‘data’ from a study performed by professor John Robinson of the University of Maryland, we would like to disagree with their findings.

We're happy. It’s not that we don’t enjoy newspapers and friendship, we just like television too. And TV brings us a few joys that reading, socializing, and churching do not.

Like this:

And this:

And definitely this:

Even the stills make us smile.

Maury and Sally Jessy Debate Sarah Palin's Prospects As A Talk Show Host

Jake Kalish — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:34:00 GMT

In this week's Page Six Magazine, Maury Povich and Sally Jessy Raphael debate whether Sarah Palin could make it as a talk-show host -- Maury says yay:

If anyone can relate to the burning social issues in our country—those topics that touch the hearts of all Americans—it's Sarah Palin. Out of control pregnant teenagers? Sarah comes to the rescue, drawing on her own experience directing her daughter into motherhood at an early age.

... Sally says nay:

[I]f she couldn't make it as VP in a year when lots of ladies would have loved to vote for a woman—but couldn't tolerate her "world is flat" views—how do you think she would fare in the living rooms of those same women? People may think talk-show hosts are stupid, but they are not.

Maybe she's just being catty -- but then, Maury kind of was too, right? Which is probably proof in itself that Palin'd be great, or at least pull in some numbers.

Everybody's been going apeshit with this rumor, and it makes a bunch of sense -- in prepping for a Presidential run, a television show may be the perfect forum to both frame yourself as a Washington outsider and also reach the most people with your message. That certainly seems to be what Mike Huckabee is doing -- and, if you were, say, placing some early bets on the 2012 Republican nominee for Prez, that Fox News host would seem to be in the lead. Unless, of course, Hannity runs.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

"SNL" Gets Some Girls

Olivia Purnell — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:20:00 GMT

In the wake of Tina Fey’s Palin magic, Saturday Night Live has looked more and more like a boys club . . .

Amy Poehler left. As you may know, her departure rocked us to the core. We were bitter yet congratulatory when she popped out her kid (picture us with pasted on smiles saying “Oh it’s a boy yay . . . . “ and biting down on a chewing gum cigar with obvious chagrin). Because really without Fey’s glorious guest appearances and Poehler’s Weekend Updates, the cast looked pretty lady-less. Kristen Wig and Casey Wilson are still around. Thank the Lord for Kristen Wig. She is brilliant. Who doesn’t love the Target Lady? But who the F is Casey Wilson. No offense Casey, but they’ve got to write you some more stuff. We had to look on the SNL website to remind ourselves what you looked like.

Oh, yeah . . .

Anyway, the SNL gods have decided that two women can't carry the vagina mantle alone. So, they’ve brought a couple more comediennes on board. The Hollywood Reporter says SNL’s newest featured players Abby Elliott and Michaela Watkins will hit the ground running this week, debuting their skills this Saturday night. We’re hoping these two can really bring the lady-fire with the lady-humor and the lady-jokes. We’re expecting lady-laughs, lady-gags, lady-comedy and again, lady-fire. Bring it, ladies. Bring it.

Previously:

Wake Up And Smile: Is Amy Poehler Coming Back to "SNL"?
Wake Up and SNiLe: Were We The Only Ones Smelling Schweddy Balls This Saturday?

Why Do They Make Matt Lauer Dress Like That?

Bryan Christian — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 14:32:00 GMT

Yeah, we know: Sarah Palin's quest for 2012 dominance of the GOP started on The Today Show. Ho hum. Why do we say that? Well, for one thing, we're pretty sure the GOP's candidates for 2012 will be the political equivalent of The Dirty Dozen: a ragtag of group of crude misfits, prone to fits of reactionary and unfounded violence, chosen first and foremost for their expendability.

But more importantly, there are way bigger fish to fry here than Sarah Palin. Like why in the name of Ned Flanders does NBC make Matt Lauer ever dress like that?

Does anyone here not think that Matt Lauer is a handsome -- dashing, even -- warrior of the morning news set? No. We all think he's pretty durn hunky, right? We all think -- nay, we know -- that in fact, he's a tasty slab of journalistic manmeat that cuts a stern figure in a suit even though he's losing his hair, and we all suspect that the reason we all hear so much about his constantly decaying second marriage is because upon seeing him in the street, women of all ages in the city of New York kick off their thongs and hike up their skirts so that Matt Lauer can see "where in the world" they want him to be: between their newshungry thighs.

So why -- WHY? -- does NBC dress him like a pederast?

Is it to make him seem more friendly? 'Cause he doesn't. He looks like he's trying to pull something over on us, something sexual involving our wives or children. See, here he is again.

It makes him look spiteful, like he's wearing this getup just to get in the front door. "Well, now that your tennis lesson is over, perhaps there's something else I can show you..."

Which he's not. And let's be clear about this: we trust Matt Lauer with our lives and, indeed, our wives. The point here, NBC, is that putting this guy in a red sweater, black socks, and brown shoes doesn't soften him up? Make him seem less virile? BECAUSE NOTHING CAN, NBC! Let the man be a hunk and be done with it.

The sheer cruelty of all this leaves us to wonder: is this, in fact, penance for some untold sin that we've not heard of? Possibly. Nothing else could account for the wardrobe people at 30 Rock not permanently stapling a pinstriped suit to this guy's rock hard chest and being done with it. The man simply must have done something shameful to his wife, Jeff Zucker, and the Shinehart Wig Company, all in the same day... but what?

Wake Up And Smile: World Officially Upside Down As Fox News Calls Out Racist Ralph Nader

Bryan Christian — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:37:00 GMT

Could it be? Yes, it could, ladies and gents -- Campaign 2008 is truly over and we've got the apeshit to prove it: Ralph Nader going fullblown asshole and Tina Fey retiring her Sarah Palin outfit. What more could you want? Well, how about the latest on who won the ratings battle election night, Jaime Pressley breaking up with her real-life Crabman, ABC breaking up with Alyssa Milano's new show, how Transformers 2 is totally ripping off Battlestar Galactica, CNN's election night holograms being total crap, and yet another former ER cast member is returning to County General.

-- The video of Ralph Nader calling Obama an "Uncle Tom" is up there. Watch it if you don't have anything to be infuriated about in the next ten minutes.

-- Tina Fey has declared she is through playing Sarah Palin now that, well, there's not much need to. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is working on some great Tina Fey material, and hopes to become a regular on Fox's MadTV if there's an opening.

-- My Name Is Earl's Jaime Pressley has split from her DJ baby daddy. Apparently they were just pals and gave in to temptation for a few years! Wow, isn't it great when famous people make the same mistakes we do?

-- ABC has taken a pass on Alyssa Milano's sitcom owing to creative differences with the show's creator. Guess that's showing them which one is the boss! Oh wait, can we do that one again?

-- In other ABC news, ABC News got the highest ratings on Election Night. This despite being utterly without holograms, Will.i.am, and senseless racism... which we're sure will somehow mean that next time around, we'll get a double helping of all that crap.

-- Speaking of those holograms, um, yeah... about that.

-- Lest you think that Anthony Edwards was gonna have the fun, Eriq La Salle will also return for a spin around ER before they leave the air. One significant difference: La Salle'll be behind the camera. George Clooney will spend the same week counting his millions on a bed of Italian supermodels.

-- The Michael Bay Transformers franchise is getting way more Cylon-y with their "robots hidden in sexy lady costume" plotline. Except for that one sexy lady costume that's got a penis; that's ripping off something else entirely.

Sarah Palin To Appear On "Oprah" Now That Obama Won?

Bryan Christian — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 21:41:00 GMT

That's what she said yesterday on New York's Power 105.1. Which, you know, was kind of jinx-y, maybe... But all's well that ends with Sarah Palin jumping on a couch, we say.

Click through for the audio!

Wake Up And Smile: Sarah Palin Pinning Her 2012 Hopes On Tina Fey

Bryan Christian — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:28:00 GMT

Click through for the whole story, plus the latest on Joe the Plumber NOT making out with an SNL regular, whatever the heck's up with King of the Hill, whether Jennie Garth's visiting the new Melrose Place, the sad, funny life of Johnny Carson, and how Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman took their breakup semi-public.

-- If you guessed that Sarah Palin would be unhappy with her portrayal on this week's Saturday Night Live, you'd be partially right. She's at least pissed enough about it to essentially cede today's election to the Democrats and start talking about 2012, but she's not so pissed that she'll pass up on any free publicity that SNL or Tina Fey might give her between now and then. There's that dash of high-school bitchy!

-- While we're on weird election stuff, there was a rumor that Joe the Plumber got to make out with an unnamed SNL cast member at the afterparty this weekend, but a close examination of the original note on the subject seems to indicate that whoever broke the story wouldn't know an SNL cast member if they walked right up to them and called them "an ignorant slut." [via Videogum] UPDATED: This story gets even more ridiculous.

-- Fox has cancelled King of the Hill, but ABC still has creator Mike Judge's new animated family show, The Goode Family, on the burner for next year -- and they might even spring for a few more seasons of King of the Hill while they're at it, which would make King the second used sitcom they'd bought off another network after Scrubs. Come on, guys, was Cavemen really so bad that you've just given up?

-- We love how TV Guide asks whether Jennie Garth will be coming to the new Melrose Place reboot, even though the answer -- no -- is, like, a sentence into the article.

-- Sometimes we feel ancient because we remember how great Carson was. And now someone's gonna write a book about how much of a douche he actually was. Thanks.

-- And speaking of crying-on-the-inside talk show hosts, we missed this when it happened, but former couple Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel had a weird, awkward reunion on his show last week. Between this and Kimmel's kind of sadsack interview in GQ this month, we're sort of loving this guy a little.

Wake Up And SNL: Wherein We Are Reminded That We Once Liked Sen. John McCain

Bryan Christian — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 14:31:00 GMT

We are tempted to say that Tina Fey's wicked portrayal of Sarah Palin as a backstabbing faux-naif upstaged Sen. John McCain (R-Fail) in their joing appearance on SNL this weekend. But that doesn't do justice to Sen. McCain, who say what you will about his politics and temper, is one of the few politicians who can actually tell a joke. Anybody that willing to goof on his own reputation AND he's willing to bring his wife to the party gets our vote... for comedy! Click through for some of his finest moments from this week and years past and a special behind the scenes look at his latest appearance.

We tried to get stuff from his 2002 appearance and it's all not embeddable! What's that about?

In Search of A Great Barack Obama Impression

Jake Kalish — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:27:00 GMT

There's been a lot of hubbub and hullabaloo about whether or not Barack Obama will appear on SNL this weekend - and, according to Lorne Michaels, nothing is signed, and if it was, he wouldn't tell us. But if Obama does appear, things between him and Fred Armisen might be only slightly more cozy than that Palin/Fey hugfest. Barack apparently doesn't think Fred Armisen's impression of him is all that funny, saying

... compared to Tina Fey and what she's doing with Gov. Palin, my imitator isn't doing as great of a job. I do know that my ears have been getting bigger and bigger on that show each episode. I'm sure they'll get it right over time.

Well, yes, that's true, Mister future Television Critic-In-Chief - Armisen's impression isn't very good, which is too bad, because Fred Armisen is funny. But his voice isn't nearly deep enough, and his comedic wheelhouse is more confused, earnest, and goofy than confident, eloquent, and cool. Also, he overdoes Obama's staccato delivery and somehow makes him sound a little bit like a Jewish retiree. Still, Senator, isn't your answer supposed to be a chuckle, or just a gracious "it's funny"? To be fair, this is the question, as posed by reporter Derek McGinty of WUSA9 in D.C.:

Are you disappointed at all that the person who parodies you on Saturday Night Live just isn't very funny?

Well, isn't that a bit leading? Still, Derek McGinty and Barack Obama himself point out the great flaw of a potential Barack Obama presidency -- no one is doing a very good Barack Obama impression right now. And that is what we so desperately need, in a time like this? We are the Remote Island, and we approve this blog post.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

Palin And Hasselbeck: TV Twins Of The Right?

Jake Kalish — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:28:00 GMT

This week saw Elisabeth Hasselbeck argue with her View cohosts again, telling Joy Behar "don't drink the Obama Kool-Aid." Tell the truth, Lizzy: are you saying "Kool-Aid" because you think the Obama camp's a cult or because he's black? Why not just say "grape soda" or "malt liquor infused with CIA spermicide"? Ha ha, just kidding, Elizabeth. Have some more McCain prune juice.

Hasselbeck preceded that latest political dispute with a $1,000 contribution to John McCain's campaign, and that day announced she would be introducing Sarah Palin at a number of rallies. (See above. Also, a note on this link: is it really okay for a daily newspaper to use "MILF"? And, if it is, why isn't Sarah Palin referred to in the same piece as a "GILF"?)

Palin and Hasselbeck rallying together seems kind of perfect. Because they're awfully similar, as Rosie O'Donnell pointed out in free verse. They're both cute, perky conservatives who infuriate the left and are celebrated for their outdoor survival skills (Hasselbeck picking up hers on Survivor). They've both got rugged, masculine husbands - Todd Palin won that crazy trans-Alaska snowmobile race and Elisabeth's hubby Tim is a former NFL quarterback who's now a football analyst for ESPN. People who argue Palin is a potential 2012 Presidential candidate if the McCain campain continues imploding say she's got magnetism, relative youth, attractiveness, star quality, and genuine energy that creates manic fervency in a depressed Republican base. Who else is like that in the conservative movement? Elisabeth Hasselbeck. There are subtle differences - Hasselbeck seems more earnest and less corrupt, and, at this stage in their lives, is probably cuter - although any heterosexual male Democrat who says he doesn't have the overwhelming urge to do them both until they believe in funding social programs is probably lying.

So here's the question: who would you vote for between Palin and Hasselbeck, if given the chance? And who would you rather see as a TV host?

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

PREVIOUSLY:
Wake Up And Smile: If The Ladies Of The View Smoked Meth, There’d Be Some Stabbing
George Hamilton Shocks the "View" Ladies With Stepmother-Sex Story

The Weekly Rewind: Seriously, Is This Election Over Yet?

Ben Kallen — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Nope, not yet! TV's still all about politics -- and, on the other hand, distracting ourselves from politics -- as we'll find out when we recall the highlights of the week.

We watched hot Sarah Palin on SNL, and she was funnier than the average guest host. Coming soon: Ellen Show dancer Barack Obama. Too bad one of these two will be elected soon -- we smell comedy team! (Don't forget to add this guy.)

Opie Cunningham came back through time from 30-plus years ago! (To, um, tell us how to vote today.)

We watched the season premiere of 30 Rock -- before it aired on TV! The Internet is cool.

We heard that someone still doesn't like the looks of Dancing With the Stars' Cheryl Burke. Someone crazy.

...Or else maybe Dancing is cursed.

We set Lance Bass against Joey Fatone, and Dwight against Gareth. Remember, no talking about Fight Club!

We heard that Lindsay Lohan's having problems -- and this time, it's personal.

We saw the new CSI tech naked, which probably means she'll be murdered off soon.

We heard that William Shatner got into a spat with George Takei. Did you know they used to work together?

Just like Desmond, we predicted what's going to happen next on Lost.

We saw a preview of 50 Cent's new show, and it was kind of like business school. Heck, the guy's name is money.

We got mad at Fringe for being too much like other shows, but then realized that without other shows, it wouldn't be about anything.

What the hell, AMC? You say you're bringing back Mad Men, but neither the creator nor the actors have contracts yet? Is that any way to treat the best show on TV?

We wondered why anyone would want to dress like this lady anyway.

More Dexter, yay! More Knight Rider -- huh?

We saw Se cond Becky give a loud kiss-off to Ted on How I Met Your Mother. We love ya, sister, but please do not get back with J.D. on Scrubs.

And we noticed that House and Gray's Anatomy have figured out what we really want in a medical series: girl-on-girl action.

But not this kind.

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: Everyone's a Comedian

Tina Fey on Sarah Palin: She’s “Better-Looking Than I Am”

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:02:00 GMT

Tina Fey doesn’t think she’s as hot as Sarah Palin. Here’s what she’s got to say about it:

"When I first saw her, I didn't think we looked alike at all," she says. "Then during the convention, I started to think, 'Ok, maybe a little.'"

Now Fey wishes she looked more like Palin.

"I'll tell you, that lady is five times better-looking than I am," she admits. "She's 44? She's got none of that droopy s--t. She's keeping it tight!" (USmagazine.com)

Okay Sarah Palin’s probably . . . “keeping it tight,” we guess (blech). However, we take issue with Fey and this “five times better looking” crap. Tina Fey is utterly fly. Banging, even. Which begs the question:

Who’s hotter?

Compare hot pics of Sarah Palin and Tina Fey after the jump:

Classic Fey:

Palin in Uniform:

Slightly Slutty Fey:

Old School Pagent Palin:

It’s a close call. Judges?

Wake Up And Smile: The Palin/Fey/"SNL" Edition

Bryan Christian — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:31:00 GMT

Now that Governor Sarah Palin has actually shown up on Saturday Night Live -- and did a scene with 30 Rock's lefty bloviator Alec Baldwin, even! -- where the hell else can either NBC or the GOP take this thing? Oh, we don't know, maybe having Palin and Tina Fey actually exchange anything more than a frosty glance? Jeez, people, not since Heat has there been a meetup more underwhelming. Don't believe us? Click on through for the video clips and a special news roundup...

-- Ah well, NBC sure ain't complaining, since Saturday marked SNL's highest ratings since the mid '90's.

-- Obviously this is a win for SNL, but what about Palin? Did this do anything for her this year or, maybe in a future election year? The answer is probably no, unless you count the possibility of her getting her own show down the road.

-- Guess Gov. Palin thought it would be important to get serious after all that goofing off and schmoozing with New York media elites. Her next stop was Roswell, NM, which never had anything funny happen there.

-- BTW, only one-third of people who've seen any of these Palin bits are watching them during broadcasts. The rest are checking them out online.

-- Who here actually buys the notion that Gov. Palin was supposed to deliver that rap herself? The Guardian, for one, but we're not so sure. We have a feeling that even if she hadn't been 14.5 months pregnant, Amy Poehler'd just managed to deliver it with the appropriate amounts of gusto and diction, and she does crap like this for a living.

The Weekly Rewind: Everyone's a Comedian

Ben Kallen — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 21:40:00 GMT

The comedians made fun of the candidates, the candidates went on comedy shows, and everyone seemed to think that being serious was the same as raising taxes. Meanwhile, the new TV season was still going strong, except that maybe nobody was watching. We'll try to make sense of it all -- and be funny! -- as we bring you the highlights of the week.

We decided that whoever wins the popular vote, comedy will take the election. We were hoping for a late-night foursome, but still enjoyed seeing John McCain finally make it to Dave Letterman's comedy hot seat. We enjoyed the debate, but were a little disappointed by the inevitable follow-up spoof on Saturday Night Live. We watched as Tina Fey tried to beg off impersonating Sarah Palin, but she couldn't help telling Dave how she does it. And it didn't matter, because Sarah Palin's coming to SNL herself -- and she'll probably take over 30 Rock next.

We were surprised when Mark Wahlberg lost his sense of humor entirely. But we had to admit, that was kinda funny, too.

We read all about Maureen McCormick's life of sex, drugs and Marcia Brady. Then we heard her talk about it, and, wow. Just wow.

But while Marcia got Davy Jones to come to her prom, the High School Musical kids had to settle for Tom Cruise.

We were happy that the fashion world agrees with our passion for Mad Men's curvy dynamo Christina Henricks. But we worried about the show itself.

We noticed that The Profiler still cuts a great profile. And Lisa Bonet made us think of a pun that we'll keep to ourselves.

Despite the fact that 15-year-old Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen seems defensive about her weight and still dresses like a 30-year-old model for Mode magazine, we decided she's probably better-adjusted than we are. As for 15-year-old Miley Cyrus, we're not so sure.

And George Hamilton's tale of 12-year-old stepmother sex? That was some time ago, but yikes.

We saw photos of some kids playing Star Trek, and hoped the actual movie would look a lot better.

We saw Cinemax's new zilly, zmutty zex-fest, and decided that literary porn is just like regular porn, but boring.

We thought it was cute that the stars of Gossip Girl think we care what they think.

We heard Blake Lewis deliver a smackdown on American Idol. (Remember? He was that beatbox guy? With the vests?)

And we saw Paris in London, but couldn't figure out how to get them to keep her.

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: Like Kissing Your Sister

Tina Fey on Tonight's "Letterman": Sarah Palin's Voice Is a Combination of "Fargo," Reese Witherspoon and Her Friend's Grandma

Ben Kallen — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 19:20:00 GMT

Busy Tina Fey has pretaped her interview on tonight's Late Show With David Letterman, and we have an early clip. The multitalented comedian and everyone's favorite crush object spends several minutes on her fantastic impression of Sarah Palin, saying the Alaska governor's voice is as unique as Billy Bob Thornton's in Sling Blade.

And what about the politics of spoofing the candidate?

"I've seen [Democrats] who say, 'Oh, no, you're helping them... because it makes them seem too nice,' " Fey says. "Or the Republicans say it's sexist.... But that's just crazy, because you have to be able to goof on the female politicians just as much, or you really are treating them like they're weaker or something. And Sarah Palin is a tough lady. She kills things. Big animals, bigger than me and you together."

Check out the whole clip here.

Previously:
Sarah Palin's Coming to SNL
Video Fun: SNL Spoofs the Final Debate
McCain to Letterman: "I Screwed Up"

Sarah Palin's Coming to "SNL"

Olivia Purnell — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 17:00:00 GMT

It's happening . . .

She's making an appearane on Saturday Night Live.

The Hollywood Reporter says:

The McCain campaign confirmed Friday that the GOP vice presidential candidate will appear on "Saturday Night Live" this weekend, the Associated Press reported. There were no more details available, and NBC didn't respond to requests for comment.

Our DVRs are primed and ready for this little bit of goodness. We’ve also stocked up on canned goods, bottled water, and other miscellaneous fallout gear, just in case the universe implodes when Sarah Palin and Fey as Palin come face to face.

McCain to Letterman: "I Screwed Up"

Ben Kallen — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:55:00 GMT

John McCain made his long-awaited appearance on Late Show With David Letterman last night -- regrettably, without Sarah Palin -- and was plenty apologetic for standing Dave up last time around. (Although he managed to avoid providing an explanation for why he did it.) Then the famous former prisoner of war joked, "I haven't had so much fun since my last interrogation." Harsh, dude!

The talk turned from funny to combative and back again -- as when, for instance, McCain promised not to raise anyone's taxes except Letterman's. Dave eventually moved on to another touchy subject: McCain and Palin's complaint that Barack Obama "pals around with terrorists" such as William Ayers. "Did you not have a relationship with [convicted Watergate conspirator] Gordon Liddy?" Dave asked, which immediately made him a tougher interviewer than the majority of reporters these days.

Check out the highlights, below:

Now the Election Belongs to "SNL"

Ben Kallen — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:25:00 GMT

Now that the debates are over and the pundits have had their say, it's time to turn our political process over to the comedians. Tonight we've got possibly all the candidates sharpening their talk-show one-liners, but it's Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers and the rest of the gang at Saturday Night Live who'll be determining what's funny from here on out.

To keep you up to date, here's the latest news from over at 30 Rock:

-- The writers and performers are scrambling like crazy, because this is the first week in which tonight's half-hour episode of Weekend Update Thursdays will be followed by a new SNL this Saturday night.

-- There's still no definitive word as to whether Tina Fey (who's busy with her sitcom) will return as Sarah Palin -- or, for that matter, whether Palin herself will be on the show.

-- W. star Josh Brolin, who's hosting the show on Saturday, is expected to play the president in at least one skit. We don't know where that leaves Jason Sudeikis, but we'd be happy to see a "dueling Bushes" routine.

-- And what about Joe the plumber, the guy John McCain referred to so many times during the debate? One website is suggesting a walk-on by The Shield's equally bald Michael Chiklis, but we have an even better look-alike in mind: Democratic consultant (and former 30 Rock guest star) James Carville.

Previously:
Video Fun: SNL Spoofs Another Debate, and It's Friggin' Hilarious
Tina Fey for President !

TV Tonight: Obama and Biden Might Appear on Leno, Opposite McCain and Palin on Letterman

Ben Kallen — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 16:20:00 GMT

Tonight at 11:35, the late-night talk show wars could get even more heated than yesterday's presidential debate. That's because the hour's big comic rivals, Jay and Dave, have been suggesting that all four candidates might show up for some jokes and chat.

In this corner: Late Show With David Letterman. We reported earlier that John McCain is slated to show up for a tongue-lashing from Dave after skipping out on his scheduled appearance a while back. But now we're hearing that McCain might bring an apology gift along with him: Lipsticked bulldog Sarah Palin.

Last night, Dave said that McCain had "hinted" he'd be bringing Palin along. Still, he seemed doubtful that it would happen. “I think he was trying to make me feel better. Like, ‘Oh, I know we’ve got the hook in Letterman now.’ But I don’t think she’ll be here. Miss Alaska will probably not be here.”

If she does show up, it'll be a brilliant move by McCain. We all know how much Dave likes a pretty face (not to mention the ratings Palin would be sure to bring), and seeing the two of them flirt and spar would be great television. Plus, they'd all have so much to talk about that there wouldn't be time to dwell on McCain's earlier no-show -- or his lagging campaign, for that matter.

In the other corner: The Tonight Show With Jay Leno. Jay mentioned earlier in the week that he'll be having vice-presidential candidate Joe Biden on tonight. (Good counter-programming? Er, possibly -- except, whatever your politics may be, Biden isn't exactly Mr. Excitement.)

But at the same time, Leno said Biden might "bring a friend." And if that friend happens to be Barack Obama, well, then we'll have a contest. The New York Post points out that both Obama and McCain are scheduled to attend a dinner in New York tonight, so Obama's appearance would probably have to be via satellite. But given Jay's lighter-weight interviewing style, that would probably work out just fine.

What are the chances that all four of them will show up? We'll say 50-50 -- and we're setting two DVRs, just in case.

Previously:
Video Fun: Hey, John McCain -- You Won't Like Dave When He's Angry