The Remote Island : Ellen Degeneres

Matt Giraud: Better After "Idol"?

Lindy Parker — Fri, 15 May 2009 20:34:00 GMT

Is it us or has Matt Giraud gotten like a hundred times better since he got voted off American Idol? Here's some examples...

Matt on Ellen...

RIght? He's more confident and suave, and his voice sounds amazing. We don't remember him sounding quite that good when he performed "Let's Get It On" on American Idol.

Matt on Regis and Kelly...

Except for Regis forgetting his mic was still on and talking over the first part of Matt's song, that version of "So Small" was also significantly more relaxed and smooth than his original Idol performance. In fact, the only post-Idol appearance in which Matt seemed less than comfortable was the Tonight Show...

Previously:

American Idol: The Piano Man
American Idol: Rat Pack Brats
American Idol: Disco Double Down
American Idol: Somebody Save Me

"American Idol": All Four Judges Will Return For Season 9 [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Tue, 05 May 2009 21:00:00 GMT

There's been much ado over Simon Cowell's oft-dropped hints that his role as an American Idol judge is not long for this world. However, on Today's Ellen he's singing a slightly different tune...

We have to say, we're relieved by Simon's assurance that they'll all be back next season. Can you imagine the inevitable awkwardness of Randy and Kara trying to go it alone and carry on witty banter with Ryan? It might even be more awkard than Ellen and Simon Cowell arguing over who has more money. Thank God they saved the interview with some good old fashioned "we both like girls" bonding.

Previously:

Is Simon Cowell Leaving American Idol? Our Top Three Choices For His Replacement
American Idol: The Piano Man
American Idol: Rat Pack Brats
American Idol: More Than a Woman
Aw, KC and Freda Payne Weren't That Bad On American Idol
American Idol: Disco Double Down

Mekhi Phifer Jumps From "ER" To "Lie To Me"

Lindy Parker — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Just in case you were losing sleep at night, wondering what Mekhi Phifer plans to do after the ER series finale, worry no more. First off, his ER character died at the beginning of the season, so shame on you for not keeping up. OK, who knows if he'll show up tonight; they brought Dr. Greene back, for crying out loud. Anyway... second: Mekhi's gonna go hang out with Tim Roth and Jennifer Beals on Lie to Me, which sounds pretty good to us.

Mekhi Phifer, who for six seasons walked the halls of County General as Dr. Gregory Pratt, has booked a multiple-episode appointment on Fox's Lie to Me.
Phifer will appear on the freshman drama series as Ben Reynolds, an FBI agent who partners with Dr. Lightman (Tim Roth) to track a serial rapist terrorizing the D.C. area. (Yahoo TV)

We have a better (read: funnier) idea: how about instead of casting the actual Mekhi Phifer, they just hire Remote Island boyfriend, Neil Patrick Harris to impersonate Mekhi Phifer...

Previously:

"Lie To Me", Jennifer Beals

U2 Week on David Letterman: Top Ten Guests We Wouldn't Get Tired Of

Neil Patrick Harris Loves "American Idol" and Possibly, "Cheers"

Three Cheers for Doogie: Neil Patrick Harris Did a Pretty Good Job on SNL

Neil Patrick Harris Has Soft Lips

Portia De Rossi Issues Public Apology For Her Marriage To Ellen [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:30:00 GMT

Every time we see Portia De Rossi we feel four things:

1. Excited about the upcoming Arrested Development movie
2. Awed by her level of fabulous
3. Wildly jealous of her engagement ring
4. Annoyed that any one person can be simultaneously so beautiful and so funny

Case in point: Portia's faux-PSA for Jimmy Kimmel Live in which she apologizes for wedding Ellen Degeneres:

Previously:

Portia De Rossi Loves Married Life

The Arrested Development, Soonish

Hey Ellen and Portia, Have a Great Wedding Day

"Bachelor" Jason Apologizes to Ellen Degeneres (and America)

Lindy Parker — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 22:00:00 GMT

This just in, people: Jason's sorry. He's sorry he betrayed Melissa. He's sorry he let his fans down by behaving like a total assclown. He's just incredibly, pathetically sorry. Well, so are we Jason, so are we...

"I think what I want to do is to apologize to everybody out there," Mesnick said on Friday's Ellen DeGeneres Show. "All the fans of the show because — thank you for watching — but this was my real life and it was the hardest thing I had to do and I made some big mistakes and that's what I wanted to sit here and talk about today — the mistakes that I made. (TV Guide)

Sure Jason, four words: Cry. Us. A. River....

We have a couple of problems with this interview:

1. We weren't initially annoyed by Molly, but we are now. Why does she keep acting like she and Melissa went through the same thing? Molly: "There were moments, where I sympathized with Melissa for sure. I was heartbroken by this guy too." Just to be clear Molly, you signed up for The Bachelor fully knowing that you could make it to the end and get rejected. From where we're sitting, that's a bit different than getting blindsided on national television when your fiancé tells you he's still in love with his ex.

2. How come we never before noticed how plastic-y Jason's hair looks?

Previously:

TV Guide Has Spoken: America Hates Bachelor Jason

Awkward Tuesday: Is The Bachelor Fixed, Fact or Fiction?

Ellen Gets Awkward With Justin Long (The Mac Guy)

Olivia Purnell — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:03:00 GMT

J. Long (you are welcome, Justin for the greatest nickname of all time. Thank us later; we accept flowers, candy, and cash gifts). Anyway, J. Long is making the promotional rounds for the common-sense meets chick-flick cruelty film, He’s Just Not That Into You. Drew Barrymore, J. Long’s ex-lady, also happens to star in He’s Just Not.

Hmmm . . . what could Ellen DeGeneres possibly bring up during Justin’s appearance on her show that would result in an uncomfortable silence . . .

Yup. During this afternoon’s episode of The Ellen Degeneres Show, Ellen asks Justin:

"Is that hard? Now you're on a press tour with someone you were in a movie with, in a relationship with and now you're seeing each other. And if it's not I've just made it more awkward."

Long gamely replies, "Up until this point it's been not awkward at all" (people.com).

Oops. But to be fair, J. Long, you’ve gotta expect it. You broke up with our late nineties icon of choice. Drew is unflinchingly awesome, and Ellen, we assume, like the rest of us, would love to see you two crazy kids get back together. She’s not trying to make you feel awkward. She’s just trying to make you think. Think, J.Long! With your Mac sheepishness, and her insistence on producing all things mass-marketable and girly, you two could take over the pre-teen world.

9 Year Old “How to Talk to Girls” Author Gets Movie Deal

Olivia Purnell — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Alec Greven gives advice on how to lock in the ladies. Although the book How to Talk to Girls, heavily exploits Alec’s elementary age and cutesy playground politics, we gotta be honest, Alec is for real. Males the world over should probably take this kid’s advice. He’s got gems like: “Don’t be desperate,” and “Don’t get caught in the pretty girl tractor beam” . . . Good shit right? He’s kind of a pimp.

Alec’s advice is so good that he’s been everywhere. Chatting it up with Ellen Degeneres and Meredith Viera, making appearances on The Early Show. He’s even been spoofed on SNL. And now, homeboy has a movie deal. 20th Century Fox has optioned the film rights to his book. Alec is a celebrity pimp.

Check out his pimping skills and Andy Samberg’s pimping impression after the jump.

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz: Sick of the Bump?

Olivia Purnell — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:35:00 GMT

Doesn’t it seem like Ashlee’s been pregnant forever . . .

Luckily for her, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is one of those women who looks ridiculously cute with that enormous belly. She’s got all those amazing flowy dresses, and mommy curves suit her well. But apparently she’s had enough of carrying an extra person around, a person who repeatedly kicks her bladder and eats all her food. Who can blame her? Hubby Pete “P33N” Wentz said two weeks ago that Ash was “due at any moment.” Two weeks is a long time to wait.

In an interview airing Wednesday on The Ellen Degeneres Show, Jessica “is this chicken or fish” Simpson told Ellen that Ashlee has already tried “Different foot massages and stuff” in order to get the delivery party started. Jess says, “I don’t know. I think she’s just really jumping around trying everything.” (people.com)

For now, the Simpson-Wentz baby seems unmoved by all the jumping and massaging and such. Do foot massages work for that sort of thing?

Jessica also told Degeneres, “They’re going to have to [induce labor]. It’s already developing really quick.” We don’t know what that means, Jess. What’s “developing really quick?” The baby? Her labor? Hmmm. Jessica Simpson confuses us so often with her oddly phrased proclamations, not to mention her wardrobe choices and her country albums.

But that’s beside the point . . .

Best of luck to the Simpson-Wentz’s. We wish you a speedy, safe delivery and a healthy baby!

Video Fun: Barack Obama Dances, Talks Halloween Costumes on "Ellen"

Ben Kallen — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 18:50:00 GMT

Politics and entertainment became further enmeshed this morning as Barack Obama suffered through some good-natured ribbing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Appearing by satellite from Miami, the senator discussed children's Halloween costumes with host Ellen, and she came up with a photo of him as a kid in a pirate outfit.

She also presented footage of both him and his wife Michelle dancing on the show in earlier appearances, saying that Michelle claimed he had lousy moves. He showed off some of those moves again, and basically just proved her point.

"Michelle may be a better dancer than me," Obama joked, "but I'm convinced that I'm a better dancer than John McCain." Sorry, but after seeing that clip, we're not so sure.

Clearly, Obama's people have decided that a little gentle embarrassment is good for a candidate who's been derided as "elitist." Watch the video below, and you can decide for yourself if they were right.

Previously:
Don't Worry, Fred Armisen -- Barack Obama Likes Your Impression Just Fine
Obama to Dave: Actually, Palin Would Have Been the Lipstick
Obama's October Surprise Might Be a November SNL Cameo

Demi Lovato Pulls a Palin

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:18:00 GMT

Camp Rock star Demi Lovato sits down with Ellen Degeneres this week to discuss important Disney issues and topics that are affecting these United States of America. . .

Issue number 1: Bullying. It is a travesty. We’ve been out of middle school for a while now, but apparently, girls are still mean. Demi has experienced the devastating meanness first hand. She was bullied so intensely during her 7th grade year that she opted for home-schooling. Wow. In an interview that will air this afternoon, People.com reports that Demi tells Ellen:

"I want to help with bullying," she says. "Because there are girls who can't just up and home-school and focus on their career."

You want to help with bullying? Awesome. Care to elaborate on how, Demi? No? Really? Okay. . . . .

Despite all that bullying, this little Disney lady has perfectly executed a textbook Palin. It may sound simple . . . Bring up a universally accepted problem, firmly state that you’re going to do something about it, then avoid stating any specific plans or active steps . . . but this maneuver is the triple salchow of the on-screen interview.

Bravo! Well done, Lovato! Today, Disney. Tomorrow, The White House.

Celebrity Cabbage Patch Match Game. Ha.

Lindy Parker — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 18:00:00 GMT

So, US Weekly started our morning off right with a little game they like to call "Guess the Celebrity Cabbage Patch." In these uncertain times, it's nice to take a little time out to keep our minds sharp and exercise our powers of deduction.

Here are our favorite CP imitators:

Match all the dolls to their TV counterparts here. Go on, you deserve it.

David Spade, The Ladies' Man

Ben Kallen — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:25:00 GMT

He's short, he's kind of jerky, and he looks a lot more like Ellen DeGeneres than George Clooney. So how is it that David Spade keeps dating the kind of beautiful, famous women the average male could only dream of?

That question has become even more interesting since the comic actor, most recently seen in Rules of Engagement, had a baby with one of his ex-girlfriends, 23-year-old former Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace. And it weighed especially heavily on the mind of one of Spade's Arizona high-school classmates, who investigated the subject for an article in Los Angeles Magazine.

So what makes ol' Joe Dirt such a hit with the ladies?

1. Confidence. Even... when we were pubescent boys, I knew Spade was the greatest ladies’ man of all time. The entire student body at Saguaro High School knew he was the campus Casanova, a walking stalk of catnip for every cheerleader and homecoming queen... I can see him flying across the gray quad on his skateboard, pirouetting around the caramel-legged girls in their short shorts and miniskirts, making them swoon and tee-hee and sigh his name.

2. Wisecracks. I often looked up and saw Spade striding before a troop of hot little desert Lolitas, each one presenting herself for his inspection. I once saw him make Tiffiny Lendrum (Best Dressed, Cheerleader) turn bright pink just by tossing a few wisecracks in her direction.

3. Brains and good teeth. “I like his teeth,” said [Spade's friend Courteney Cox Arquette]. “He has good teeth.” Funny and toothy? That’s it? She fell silent. “He’s smart,” she added. “You have to have a full package.”

4. Normality. [Spade said], “I think my only trick is... be normal and kind of have your shit together. And be consistent and reliable. Just not a flake. Really, the thing is, not to be a superflake. Don’t be an asshole.

And in case you haven't figured it out yet:

5. Nobody knows. All that virtue won’t make him a virtuoso unless he also possesses that ineffable something, that intangible quality, which eludes description, which can’t be shared any more than it can be explained.

So, great -- we haven't really learned a thing, have we? But at least we've just saved you the price of a magazine.

Images: WhosDatedWho.com

Previously:
Jimmy Kimmel vs. Salma Hayek: The Musical
All of a Sudden, Everybody's Talking about H@ndj*bs

Pamela Anderson Strips on "Ellen"

Lindy Parker — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 15:22:00 GMT

Granted, at this point there aren't all that many people who haven't seen Pamela Anderson naked -- what with the Tommy Lee sex tape and her general flippancy about remaining clothed at any given time -- you know, it's not her first time at the rodeo. So maybe it's not all that surprising to see her whipping off her dress for Ellen Degeneres mid-interview?

Click through for a video because you gotta admire the level of inhibition that okays stripping on network television in the middle of the day...

18 "Memorable TV Moments" That The Emmy People Missed

Bryan Christian — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 14:31:00 GMT

Dear Emmys People,

Hi guys. Listen, we know that you're really busy ignoring The Wire and all, but we here at The Remote Island have a bone to pick with you. What's up with those "memorable TV moments" you got us all voting on? Not to put too fine a point on it, but we don't actually remember that many of them. And some of them aren't even moments; they're just, like, parts of important episodes.

So, we cooked up a list of our own most memorable moments that we think should have been included for voting. Have a look, let us know what you think. Maybe you could even vote on your favorite!

Oh, and not that they're in any particular order or anything -- but number one is totally "Mahna Mahna."

Better luck next time!

Cheers,
Yr pals at The Remote Island

Mahna Mahna

Reverend Jim takes his driving test on Taxi

The bomb goes off in The Day After

The end of Star Trek: The Next Generation

The confrontation between Chandler and Phoebe in "The One Where Everyone finds Out" where Phoebe knows that Chandler and Monica are hooking up and Chandler and Monica know that she knows and Phoebe knows that they know that she knows and so Chandler and Phoebe act like they wanna have sex with each other to see who'll crack first

Homer falls down Springfield Gorge. Twice.

Stringer Bell meets Omar and Brother Mouzone on The Wire

Gus McCrea buys the farm on Lonesome Dove

The lizard alien reveal in V

Ellen comes out

Elvis Costello bails on "Less Than Zero" and launches into "Radio, Radio" live on SNL

Jessie's drug freakout in Saved by the Bell

the Moldavian massacre on Dynasty

Arnold Drummond ditches his best friend alone with a child molester on Diff'rent Strokes

Agent Dale Cooper's Dream on Twin Peaks

Sam and Diane say goodbye

Beatles on Sullivan. Duh.

Luke rapes Laura on a dance floor on General Hospital

PREVIOUSLY:
Emmy Wants You To Pick The Most Memorable Moments In TV History
What Did We Think Of The Emmy Nominations?

Hey Ellen & Portia, Have A Great Wedding Day!

Bryan Christian — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Seriously guys, all the best. Remember to have someone fix you a plate of food!

(BTW, we didn't make this video, so, you know, you don't have to call your lawyer or anything. At least not on us.)

[via Scanner]

Gentlemen, Would You Divorce "Little Britain"'s Vicky Pollard?

Bryan Christian — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 12:31:00 GMT

Well, it don't matter, 'cause someone else beat ya to it. Yes, it's a bit of sad gay-marriage-slash-TV news today, as Little Britain star Matt Lucas has become the first gay celebrity that we know of to file for divorce. (Seriously, can anyone else think of another celebrity gay couple to divorce, like, ever? We tried to Google it, but keep getting a Fred Astaire movie instead.) Hope we didn't kill the buzz from Ellen and Portia, and all the best to Lucas, who we hope will have a bit of fun before getting back up on that horse again. Let's hope he has better luck than he did at the Scarecrow and Mrs. King Pub.

(Click through if you have no idea what we're talking about.)

Ellen And Portia Show Off Engagement Ring, Hint At Date At Daytime Emmys

Bryan Christian — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:26:00 GMT

Congratulations to Ellen DeGeneres and Portia di Rossi, who are sporting a little engagement hardware -- and who are headed down the aisle very soon. The date isn't being released yet, but have no fear: the ceremony will be televised on Ellen's daytime talk show. Congrats kids, all the best.

(Oh, and Ellen won another Emmy. We love weddings!)

Ellen Gives Portia Pink Diamonds for 'Dream Wedding' [People Magazine]

“The Bachelorette” Boys Wear Ellen DeGeneres’ Underwear

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:45:00 GMT

Okay, okay, it was underwear she designed. Or with her show’s logo on it. Or something. We were too distracted to see what exactly made them Ellen-underwear during last night’s Bachelorette, because the sheer fact she had the boys drop trou onstage was pretty amusing. As this clip shows, every rose ceremony should be hosted by Ellen. And her boom box…

Don’t you wish Ellen could interview all of your dates? Or, at least make them take off their pants?