The Remote Island : Beyonce

Will Nickelodeon Give Chris Brown A Kid's Choice Award?

Chenda Ngak — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 21:29:00 GMT

Unless you've been on a month-long drinking binge on a remote dessert island, you know by now that Chris Brown allegedly beat up his girlfriend, Rihanna. The duo has nearly been a national obsession (Jealous, OctoMom?). Brown was charged with two felonies last week, and his arraignment has been postponed. But before you see these two duel in court, the modern-day Ike and Tina will compete for the affection of a million tweens at Nickelodeon's Kid's Choice Awards.

Chris Brown and Rihanna are competing against each other in the best song category at the upcoming Kids' Choice Awards. Chris Brown is nominated for his No. 1 single "Kiss Kiss," while Rihanna contends with "Don't Stop the Music." The other nominees are Beyonce ("Single Ladies") and Katy Perry ("I Kissed a Girl"). Voting begins at the official website on Monday, March 2. (latimes.com)

This is where Nickelodeon, will have to decide between integrity and integrity. Like we are, by not making any jokes about not wanting to ride home with these kids should one of them win. (Cake, had and eaten!)

The show is set to air on March 28.

PREVIOUSLY:

Kanye West Defends Chris Brown on VH1's "Storytellers"

MTV to Air "Chris Brown & Rihanna: Love In Trouble"

Will "Sesame Street" Drop Chris Brown Too?

Why Did Chris Brown and Rihanna Bail on the Grammys?

Oscars 2009: Letter to the Stars

Lindy Parker — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:00:00 GMT

First things first, Freida Pinto -- You may be surprised to learn that we were holding our own private awards ceremony last night, and you were the winner. We love this dress. We love your hair, your make up, your overall unearthly beauty. Well done you...

Vanessa Hudgens -- We're not 100% sure what's happening here. Putting aside the fact that your dress appears to be that unfortunate combo of unflattering and ill-fitting, we have two other concerns. First, the vertical ribbons that stop abruptly at your knees put us vaguely in mind of a straight jacket. Also, the black and white flowers stuck on the front seem to be little more than a decorative after thought. We'll be honest, we expected more from you -- we've seen you rock it out. We suppose you can't win them all.

Robert Downey Jr. -- We hated your movie, we thought it was pointless and unfunny (also, what's the deal with you being nominated? Is this Hollywood's way of saying blackface is okay now, because last time we checked it was still offensive). That being said, WE LOVE YOU, and couldn't be happier to see you doing so well. Please continue doing all manner of non-blackface roles so that we can camp out at the theater and bask in your presence. Also, your wife is hot.

Beyoncé -- It's time for some tough love. No more House of Dereon. It's just not working out. Go to Angel Rodriguez or Michael Kors so they can give you something that doesn't force us to ask, "how do you solve a problem like Maria?"

Taraji P. Henson -- Can we call you, TP? Girl, you look amazing. We want you to be our new BFF so that we can trade clothes, and hair secrets (yours is so shiny!), and talk shit about Jay Manuel and the telestrator that he used on each of your dress layers. Also, it was nice of you to smile so graciously during Goldie Hawn's tribute to you, because we know you were thinking, "damn, my boobs look so much better than hers."

Miley Cyrus -- We've been back and forth on this look, but in the end we've decided that we like it. Even though, our first reaction is to picture you as one of those little dolls born from plastic flowers, we still think you look nice. Nice and doll-like. That said, we're not at all sure what you're doing at the Oscars. You're not presenting, you're not nominated and we're fairly certain you're not a member of the Academy. Did ABC really need red carpet candy so badly?

Natalie Portman -- There's nothing negative we can say about you here, except to express our wild jealousy. You look stunning. In our Oscar fashion awards, you came in second.

And finally, Amanda Seyfried -- Oh Amanda. We know that technically you're wearing Valentino Haute Couture, but can we just call a spade a spade? It's Jessica McClintock c. 2001. Good rule of thumb for the beginner: Just say no to bows.

Previously:

Live Blogging From The Oscars Red Carpet

The HBO Inaugural Concert, Behind The Scenes

Jake Kalish — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:29:00 GMT

We previously speculated on the song choices for We Are One: The Obama Inaugural Celebration At The Lincoln Memorial, and boy were we wrong. In a surprise, Stevie Wonder went with "Higher Ground" rather than the theme song from Obama's campaign, "Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours." Both great songs,but maybe even Stevie was tired of hearing "Signed, Sealed, Delivered." And U2 went with "City Of Blinding Lights" and , in a nod to MLK day, "Pride In The Name Of Love", rather than what we assumed would be their choice, either "One" or "Beautiful Day." Oh, and that's another thing. Even though reports said all acts would be limited to one song each, U2 got two songs! They're not even American! Maybe it's all the work for the starving kids.

Anyway, this whole celebration went down and it sure was star-studded, although Steve Carell and Jamie Foxx reading texts about the Supreme Court left something to be desired. New York Magazine blogged on what went down off-camera at the concert, including this:

Malia taking Kal Penn’s photo...

Sweetie, your father is Barack Obama, transformative figure. Maybe a Kal Penn sighting isn't such a biggie. Here's hoping, for the Obama's sake, she recognized Penn from House and not the unrated version of Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle.

Musicians Will Be Limited To One Song Each At HBO's Inaugural Celebration

Jake Kalish — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:31:00 GMT

Performers will include Beyonce, Bruce Springsteen, U2, John Mellencamp, Sheryl Crow, Herbie Hancock, Shakira, Mary J. Blige, James Taylor, Josh Groban, Usher, Garth Brooks, Renee Fleming, John Legend, and, of course, Obama's personal fave, Stevie Wonder. And each will be limited to one song. So what will they play? Your guess is as good as ours...

So Barack Obama's HBO-televised Sunday night concert will be called We are One: The Obama Inaugural Celebration At The Lincoln Memorial. The event starts at 2:30 p.m. (here's a full list and schedule of inaugural activities) but HBO will broadcast starting at 7 Eastern time. This is made even more interesting by the news that each performer will be limited to one song. So what will they play? We like this game, guess with us.

Springsteen - The Rising. Easy call. Next.

Stevie Wonder - Signed, Sealed, Delivered. Easier call. Now it gets tricky.

U2 - We were going to say Beautiful Day, but given the name of the concert, they might go with One, in which case Mary J. Blige could sing with them. But then, we suppose, she couldn't do her own song, lest she exceed the one-song limit and promptly get kicked out of the country for life. We like Mary J. Blige, we don't want to see her deported.

Usher - We hope he goes with Yeah!, if only because that would get Lil' John onstage, And anytime Lil' John and Hillary Clinton are in the same place, anything can happen.

And so on. Mellencamp has a whole lot of America songs, most of which seem inappropriate for the inauguration of a black guy from a big city. But he can make it happen. John Legend can't do America The Beautiful because Aretha's doing that on Inauguration Day. This is tricky - what are your guesses?

PREVIOUSLY:

HBO'S GOT THE OBAMA INAUGURATION CEREMONY

OUR OBAMA ARCHIVE

Michael Cera will be Gilligan in "Gilligan's Island" Movie

Jake Kalish — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:18:00 GMT

Michael Cera has reportedly agreed to play Gilligan in the Gilligan's Island remake - and Gilligan creator Sherwood Schwartz is trying to land Beyonce for the role of Ginger.

We like Cera as Gilligan - amazing how his career has taken off, to the point where he's now the key to the Arrested Development movie. You go, Paulie Bleeker.

Top 5 Videos from the Beyonce Revolution

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:05:00 GMT

We were on the subway earlier today, having a morning coffee, wondering about how many germs we encounter on a daily basis via the hang-on pole (a lot, that’s how many) when we suddenly realized, Beyonce has taken over the planet. On our right, three junior high girls were practicing the patented “Put a Ring On It” booty-pop, presumably for drill team or a church pageant. On our left, a thirty-something lady was watching the Single ladies video on her ipod. Across the way, a balding man was bouncing his head, mouthing “Don’t be mad when he say that he want it . . .”

Listen, we are not mad. Beyoncitus is thoroughly contagious. She's everywhere, shaking her beautiful behind and sanging about empowerment through jewelry. This holiday season, Beyonce has single-handedly gifted us with enough television and youtube fodder to last well into 2009. So, to pay homage to Miss B, here are the top five Single Ladies videos.

Behold, the Beyonce Revolution:

5. Saturday Night Live’s “The Dancers” sketch. Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake as back up dancers. Paul Rudd as the nepotistic director. And Beyonce as herself. Honestly Beyonce’s comedic timing leaves something to be desired. But, JT in a leotard whispering, “we’re the dancers,” through pursed lips is enough to crack us up every time.

4. Beyonce’s American Music Awards performance. She works hard for the money. Don’t throw a hip out girl! P.S. that ponytail weave is soooooo Sasha fierce.

3. Beyonce does Tyra. Okay, this performance is extra special. First of all, the male back up dancers are too diva for words. It’s like Beyonce reached back in time to a C+C Music Factory video and plucked the best of the best for Tyra. And, let’s not even talk about Tyra’s facial expressions/intonation/dance moves. It’s all too much. Too. Much.

2. The Single Man doing Single Ladies. This guy is so serious in his Fifth Element onsie. Two points for that black leg garter thing. Attention to detail is so important.

1. The Gwen Verdon Fosse video. Now obvi, this isn’t a Beyonce inspired vid. The Gwen Verdon "Mexican Breakfast" piece was the inspiration for the Single Ladies music video. But miraculously after the Single Ladies phenomenon, some genius set the original Gwen V to "Walk It Out." Oh, it’s glorious. We never tire of this clip.

Please let us know if there’s anyway we will ever be that fly. Should we purchase a polyester pantsuit? Should we hot roll our hair? How in Fosse’s blessed name can we be as flossy as Gwen Verdon? How?