The Remote Island

"DWTS": Curtains For the Bull Rider [VIDEO]

Posted by Lindy Parker

 

Here's how we think it happened...

Jewel: Honey, seriously.  Dancing With the Stars will be awesome!  We can spend more time together.

Ty: Gosh, I don't know Jewel.  What if ah get all tied up in mah feet?

Jewel: Don't worry.  You're an athlete.

Ty: Ah'm a bull rider, sweetpea.  Ah don't know about them foxes trottin' around.

Jewel: Trust me, baby.  I'll be there the whole time.

Next thing you know, Jewel hurts her knee, drops out and leaves Ty to cha-cha his way to the semi-finals.  We have to say, we kind of admire his tenacity in getting this far in a competition we're guessing he didn't really want to do in the first place.  We'd even go so far as to say, we've grown fond of the waltzing bull rider...

Fare thee well, Ty.  Hopefully, the pain of loss is eased by the knowledge that you lost to a former Raiders cheerleader, and a U.S. gymnast.

Previously:

DWTS: Lil Kim Is Less Popular Than a Bull Rider?

DWTS: Which is Worse -- Visible Pasties or an Onscreen Erection?

DWTS: Was Chuck Wicks Hosed?

DWTS: Lawrence Taylor Fumbles The Waltz

DWTS Channels Justin Timberlake's SNL Sketch [VIDEO]

 


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About Lindy Parker

Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She now writes for nerve.com's TV blog, "The Remote Island." She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

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    Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

    Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

    Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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    Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

    Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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