We've had a week to reflect on the fact that Serena convinced her own mother, her mother's collegues and Rufus to invest substantial amounts of money in her pseudo-boyfriend's shady project, and now that the shock's worn off, we're mostly just bowled over by the stupidity of the whole ordeal...
Who hands over millions of dollars to some floppy haired, crew team member after listening to his ten minute pitch at a party? Isn't there data and, you know, paperwork involved in large investments? Blair, Nate, Dan and Chuck converge on the scene to help Serena out of her jam. Serena does the only thing one can logically do in such a situation -- fake a pregnancy. The clever ruse lures Gabriel out of hiding. Apparently, Serena's big play is to just ask Gabriel to give the money back. Thank God, Chuck has a batallion of hotel security at his disposal.
Meanwhile, Dan tattles to Lily about the whole crazy scheme. Lily seems surprisingly calm under the circumstances -- "Oh, don't worry your head. I'll get the money back." We're unsatisfied by this interaction for a couple of reasons: First, why isn't Lily losing her shit? Second, we can now look forward to an invitable Dan and Serena meltdown in which Serena accuses Dan of disloyalty.
Back in Brooklyn, Rufus asks Eric as head of the Van der
Woodsen household for permission to marry Lily. Eric agrees, and Rufus
goes off to buy Lily's favorite flowers, wine, chocolate and spare
ribs.
Back at the hotel, Serena et al are buying Gabriel's story about Poppy making off with the money. Lily and Serena are having a showdown in the Bass offices. Turns out Lily couldn't care less about losing the money -- she's mostly concerned that Serena's name not be slandered in the society pages, which given the whole drug overdose cover-up of season one, is pretty much a lost cause by now. She convinces Serena that prosecuting Poppy and Gabriel and forcing them to return the money would do irreparable damage to their reputations. Obviously the right thing to do is dip into the limitless Bass millions and pay back the investers herself. Cue the Dan/Serena disloyalty meltdown.
Far be it from Blair to take a scandal lying down, she enlists a newly pious Georgina Sparks to take Poppy down. Georgina poses as the daughter of an oil tycoon flush with new money, and ready to take society by storm. Nate decides that their stakeout of the Poppy takedown is the best place to stage an intervention with Chuck about his feelings for Blair, which essentially boils down to a "may the best man win" speech. Chuck psychs himself up to declare his love, but Blair beats him to the punch and forces his hand. Chuck chickens out and flees the scene, leaving Nate and Blair to handle the sting operation alone.
What follows is our best attempt at a rundown of what was, essentially, the most convoluted ending we've seen on Gossip Girl:
Serena goes outside to tell the police to arrest Poppy, and finds herself handcuffed and forced into the back of a squad car. Turns out Lily had her arrested for theft to prevent her from exposing the Poppy scandal. When Rufus finds out that Lily has both lied to him about losing his investment money, and had her own daughter arrested under false pretenses, he quite rightly pulls the plug on the marriage proposal and runs for the hills. Meanwhile, at the jail, Nate and Blair are trying to bail Serena out, when Blair gets a call from Georgina who's lost her religion and rediscovered her inner devil.
Previously:
Gossip Girl: Schmutz Happens
Gossip Girl: The Grandaddy of Social Hangovers
Gossip Girl: Like Kissing Your Teacher
