We'll just put it out there right now: we're a little weirded out by how quickly the Gabriel situation has progressed. We went from Serena throwing him out of the Waldorf-Rose Seder and pretending Dan was her boyfriend, to one interrupted kiss on the street corner, and now suddenly, Serena's demanding that he spend time with her family, and coercing her mother into investing in his company. Apparently, next week they'll be picking out china patterns...
Speaking of confusing relationships that we can't quite get behind: Nate's teaching Blair to ride the subway in an attempt to prepare them for next year's "long distance relationship" between NYU and Columbia. Blair's claims her fear of mole people makes her reluctanct to brave this new territory, but we like to think it's just her way of sabotaging her relationship with Nate so she can run back to Chuck's waiting arms.
Back in Brooklyn, Rufus is celebrating Dan's graduation with an afternoon of antiquing. Dan catches him eyeing an antique engagement ring, which prompts a Humphrey heart-to-heart about Rufus's plans with Lily.
Now that spring has come to NYC, Nate and Chuck are playing basketball in the park, which is significantly more awkward than we would've thought. Isn't Nate supposed to be a jock? Nate's leasing an apartment in Murray Hill so he and Blair can move in together between their respective schools and never have to ride the subway. Chuck mocks Nate's choice of neighborhood, and Nate gets blustery about Chuck's shady dealings with Blair -- Nate's pretty high and might for a guy who, just seconds ago, was running around kissing everything that moves.
Meanwhile, at the Van Der Woodsen palace, Gabriel's meeting the parents. Lily's spouting platitudes about the importance of family. Rufus proposes a movie night. The whole thing's a little much for Gabriel who hightails it for the door. Serena whines about his commitment issues to Blair -- again, this from the girl who spent last week's entire episode trying to avoid him.
Thankfully, Blair seems wise to Gabriel's suspicious dealings, and enlists Chuck to weasel out his secret. Turns out Serena's not the only girl Gabriel's kissing on street corners. Blair tries to warn Serena about Gabriel's philandering with socialite Poppy Lipton, but Gabriel's ready with an excuse about using Poppy for her business contacts, which to be honest we don't feel that much better about. Also, Gabriel looks a little bit like Dan Quayle.
Back at the gallery, Rufus is having yet another border-line inappropriate guts-spilling sesh with Vanessa. Turns out his gallery isn't selling and he's going to have to hock his Lincoln Hawk songs to pay for Yale.
Chuck and Blair engineer a showdown between Serena, Poppy and Gabriel. Poppy threatens to pull her business contacts, Gabriel declares his love for Serena, and Poppy storms out muttering something about hell having no fury. Serena decides the best way to express her gratitude/cement her place in Gabriel's heart is to replace all of Poppy's business contacts with her own, namely her mom and Rufus (who's decided that his middle-class brooklyn existence is no longer adequate for a guy with Ivy League educations to finance). As soon as Rufus whips out his checkbook, we bury our head in our bedsheets. Weirdly, Gabriel seems hesitant to take Rufus's money -- perhaps his shady, embezzler's heart draws the line at swindling the working class.
Despite Nate's reservations about their growing camaraderie, Blair and Chuck are back on the warpath to convince Serena that Gabriel's a lying scoundrel. Turns out their best hope for success is tracking down Crazy Eyes Trachtenberg at the turnabout ranch to determine the exact happenings of the night Georgina drugged Serena in season one, so off they go, a couture-wearing Bonnie and Clyde on a mission. Fueled by info from Poppy, Gabriel claims to have met Serena during that fateful night at Butter, but it turns out Serena and Georgina never went to Butter that night because -- gasp! -- Butter was closed! Gabriel's a liar! And Georgina has joined some sort of Christian reform program -- all hell's breaking loose. Chuck rushes back to the limo to tell Blair, but Blair's taken the limo and left Chuck high and dry in the middle of nowhere.
Back in Manhattan, Gabriel's somewhat evasive pillow talk makes Serena suspicious enough to grudgingly admit that Chuck and Blair might be right about Gabriel. Chuck hails a cab and heads for the city with Georgina in tow. Look out Manhattan, Georgina's found Jesus, and she's ready to help rid the world of investment fraud.
Previously:
Who's Ready for the Gossip Girl Tour of New York City?
Gossip Girl: Schmutz Happens
Gossip Girl: The Grandaddy of Social Hangovers
Gossip Girl: Like Kissing Your Teacher
