The Remote Island

NCAA Tournament Coverage: Just Because They Call It "March Madness" Doesn't Mean You Have To Lose Your Damn Mind

Posted by Jake Kalish

 

No game-winners on Day 1 of the Tourney (although VCU came close) - which means no reason for announcers to yell. Calm the hell down, fellas...

Here's the deal: unless it decides the game, it's just someone putting a ball into a basket, an act for which screaming like a banshee is inappropriate. The worst screamer is Kevin Harlan, above right with partner Dan Bonner. But Gus Johnson is an egregious offender as well.  Harlan, incidentally, should never be allowed to call another basketball game again, ever - besides all the unnecessary shouting, he regularly reels off meaningless statistics, like "Gonzaga has three field goals in the past five minutes."

It's the yelling that really gets to us, though, and not just because it hurts our heads. It seems prefabricated and inauthentic - especially, if, in Harlan's case, what's being screamed is some inane catchphrase - "Right between the eyes!" Plus, if you're shouting like that over a three-pointer ten minutes into the game, what are you going to do if someone actually hits a game winner, have an orgasm? A seizure? You can't go any higher when the moment actually deserves big emotion. It's like if your girlfriend throws a gigantic fit because you looked at a woman on the street. What's she going to do when you sleep with her sister?

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NCAA Tournament Coverage: Jay Bilas Is No Dick Vitale [VIDEO]

 


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About Jake Kalish

Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights http://www.amazon.com/Santa-vs-Satan-Compendium-Imaginary/dp/0307406709/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1208807460&sr=8-1

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    Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

    Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

    Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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