The Remote Island

Everybody Stop Picking On Rosie O'Donnell (Particularly Vanity Fair)

Posted by Jake Kalish

We never thought we'd say this, but here it is: lay off Rosie, MSM. (Goddammit, we never thought we'd use "MSM", either.) Here's some of the latest attack on Rosie Live, from some comedy writer named Michael Rowe, in a piece on the Vanity Fair website entitled "How Rosie Live Slayed The Variety Show":

The fat lady has sung with a resounding death rattle that will forever sully the memories of family gatherings around the warm-gray glow of our black-and-white Zenith...The faint hope of the rebirth of the variety show died tonight. It happened much like the end of most horror movies. You know, where the grave starts to move and you think it’s a loved one digging their way out of accidental burial but ultimately it’s the skeletal hand of a zombie trying to grab you by the throat.

Ha-ha-ha-okay, three things:

1) Rosie O'Donnell did not kill the variety show. She's not that powerful. If Justin Timberlake hosted a variety show, people would watch. John Mayer is going to host a variety show early next year. Let's see how that does before we start talking about zombies.

2) It's a bad TV show. Calm the hell down. A terrible review is fair, but this is too much. There seems to be a degree of glee in kicking the crap out of Rosie O'Donnell that frankly makes us uncomfortable. Sure, she's fat, shrill, and obnoxious. That doesn't mean she has to be punished. Look, Rosie Live was bad television. Really bad. That just means it joined a very large club. Have you watched what's on these days? Is anyone talking about Double Shot of Love  being the end of the world as we know it? There's a whole lot on the air that could forever sully our memories. In the end, all of us - except maybe Rosie O'Donnell - will be okay.

3) Thanks Vanity Fair for yet again nailing the state of popular culture with 100% accuracy and 0% baseless, pampered bombast. We will now go home and watch the latest irony-free blockbuster starring It Girl Gretchen Mol, which will obviously have no jokes in it since women aren't funny.

PREVIOUSLY:
This Tina Fey Article (And Accompanying Video) Hurts Us In Our Crush Bone

Annie Leibovitz on Miley: “She was ready to take that picture”


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About Jake Kalish

Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights http://www.amazon.com/Santa-vs-Satan-Compendium-Imaginary/dp/0307406709/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1208807460&sr=8-1

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    Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

    Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

    Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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