The Remote Island

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz: Sick of the Bump?

Posted by Olivia Purnell

 

Doesn’t it seem like Ashlee’s been pregnant forever . . .

Luckily for her, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is one of those women who looks ridiculously cute with that enormous belly.  She’s got all those amazing flowy dresses, and mommy curves suit her well.  But apparently she’s had enough of carrying an extra person around, a person who repeatedly kicks her bladder and eats all her food.  Who can blame her?  Hubby Pete “P33N” Wentz said two weeks ago that Ash was “due at any moment.”  Two weeks is a long time to wait.

In an interview airing Wednesday on The Ellen Degeneres Show, Jessica “is this chicken or fish” Simpson told Ellen that Ashlee has already tried “Different foot massages and stuff” in order to get the delivery party started.  Jess says, “I don’t know.  I think she’s just really jumping around trying everything.” (people.com)  

For now, the Simpson-Wentz baby seems unmoved by all the jumping and massaging and such.  Do foot massages work for that sort of thing?

Jessica also told Degeneres, “They’re going to have to [induce labor].  It’s already developing really quick.”  We don’t know what that means, Jess.  What’s “developing really quick?”  The baby?  Her labor?  Hmmm.  Jessica Simpson confuses us so often with her oddly phrased proclamations, not to mention her wardrobe choices and her country albums.  

 


But that’s beside the point . . .

Best of luck to the Simpson-Wentz’s.  We wish you a speedy, safe delivery and a healthy baby! 


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    Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

    Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

    Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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