What the hell else could you want from Vinnie and the gang?
Yes, Entourage is back, picking up exactly where it left off: Vincent Chase’s opus, Medellin is a stark raving failure, and Ari and E are trying to salvage the career of their dashing gravy train. At the start of this season the gravy train in question seems to be on an extended layover/self-imposed exile on some undisclosed Mexican island paradise where the only residents are perfect women (all between the ages of 22 and 22 ½), Vince and one Mr. Turtle. Our brief soujourn in this paradise includes a legitimate 30 second soft core porn scene, jet ski racing, tequila face dances, and a bronzed woman emerging from the sea carrying two freshly caught Tilapia. How she caught them remains unexplained; our guess is they were lured in by her nipples.
Now, for our money, the best thing about Entourage is that you can always count on it for five things, each of which were delivered in spades last night:
1. Bigoted soliloquies. In describing how Vince is viewed in H-Wood after his film’s failure, Ari likens him to “Cat Stevens doing butterfly strokes in the Caspian searching for Mohammed.” (His name ain’t Ari Gold for nothin’ people!)
2. Comedic technology. This year we see Drama’s most dramatic relationship yet. It’s French, it’s true love, and it’s exclusively on iChat. Steve Jobs is so proud.
3. Hot transportation. In thirty minutes there was a Maseratti, a Bently, the porn playing SUV (2 MPG’s, cruising downhill), jet ski’s, a sea plane, and more. It was surprising that Ari didn’t land on the Hollywood sign in a jet pack to close out the 2nd act.
4. Hilarious one-liners. The best one coming when Drama is giving Vince a reason why the country may have forgotten him, “Don’t take it personally, the whole country’s on meth.”
5.Hotties!
Long story short, the gang of five are all reunited back in La-La land, Ari’s going apeshit, Vince has no project to work on, E has a new young client and an old receptionist, Drama still can’t be photographed from the right side and Turtle’s horny. And that job that Vinnie flew back up for? Turns out to just be a ruse to get another actor -- an absent Emile Hirsch, apparently in better shape post-Speed Racer than a post-Medillin Mr. Chase -- locked into a horror flick. Don't worry, though: the show ends with Drama and Turtle sending an East Coast style message to the producer who dissed everyone by driving to his estate, smashing one of his many windshields with a 5-iron, slapping a dead fish on the hood and exclaiming, “Aquaman is back!” (leaving us at home to supply our own, “boo-yah bitches!”)
HBO, by releasing the new season of Entourage this week, capitalized on their last remaining smash hit before the other networks were able to bring their A game and double up exposure for their new vampire soap, True Blood. This is an obvious move to snag those college kids before they finally get around to writing that first paper, due tomorrow. And it worked. Fraternities all across this great nation went silent for 30 seconds last night to pay homage to the exploits of Vincent Chase, knowing that they would never lead the life he does, because yes, those were all some fantastic breasts. And isn’t that is why we watch Entourage: to revel, if only for half an hour every week, in a life we will never, ever, ever, never, ever, ever have. [Ed.: Ever.]
To sum up: thank Christ and the oven-baked, Satanically-leveraged soul of Robert Evans that we now have a paying excuse to watch this show.
--- Seth Jacobs
PREVIOUSLY:
Top Ten Returning Shows: #9 - "Entourage" / "Californication"
Does Vinnie Chase Ever NOT Do Reverse Cowgirl?
