The Remote Island

The Devil Wears Sean John: Top Ten Reasons We'd "Want To Work For Diddy"

Posted by Lindy Parker

10.  Spending our days cloaked in monochromatic warm up gear and gender-neutral three piece suits

9.  Receiving our instructions in inspirational mixed metaphors (i.e. "You gotta walk the yellow brick road if you wanna get to the top of the mountain!")

8.  The likelihood that we might, at any given moment, find ourselves on the lap of Mos Def

7.  Diddy throwing us a hundred thousand dollar Stunna Sixteen Party with Tiffany gift bags

6.  Entry to the most exclusive VIP nightclubs, restaurants and concerts in the world, during which we spend the whole time typing furiously into our blackberry curves and mainlining ulcer meds

5.  A break from the monotony of getting consecutive nights sleep

4.  Commemorating our hire with a tattoo: "Diddy's New Ass."

3.  Getting boozy with Kim Porter and writing a lurid tell-all about their sex life entitled "From Kim's Mouth to God's Ears"

2.  Trying to convince private school administrators that our attendance at the Porter-Combs offspring's parent-teacher conferences isn't weird

1.  Giving Diddy daily Evian sponge baths (more material for the tell-all)

I Want To Work for Diddy: Watch the Trailer! [Vh1]


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About Lindy Parker

Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She now writes for nerve.com's TV blog, "The Remote Island." She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

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    Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

    Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

    Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

    Contributors


    Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

    Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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