The Screengrab : summer of '78

Summer of '78: "A Wedding"

Scott Von Doviak — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 23:00:00 GMT

All summer long we’ve been flipping back the calendar to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse thirty years ago. Today is Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer, and the official grand finale of…The Summer of ’78!

A Wedding

Release Date: August 29, 1978

Cast: Desi Arnaz, Jr., Carol Burnett, Geraldine Chaplin, Lillian Gish, Mia Farrow

The Buzz: If your only problem with Nashville was that you thought there just weren’t enough characters – have we got a movie for you!

Keywords: Wedding, Dancing, Dental Braces, Unplanned Pregnancy, Frog, Greenhouse

The Plot: This is about as plotless as it gets, even by Robert Altman standards. The title is no lie – it’s a wedding. The ceremony takes up the first 15 minutes or so, as feckless Dino Corelli (Desi Arnaz, Jr.) is married to braces-wearing daughter of privilege Muffin Brenner by near-senile Bishop Martin (John Cromwell). The matriarch of the groom’s family (Lillian Gish) dies while awaiting the reception guests at the family manse, but her demise is concealed by the family doctor. As at any wedding reception, numerous subplots unfold as the alcohol flows. Mother of the bride Tulip (Carol Burnett) is wooed by guest Mac Goddard (Pat McCormick). Dino is accused of impregnating the bride’s sister Buffy (Mia Farrow), much to the dismay of her overly attentive father Snooks (Paul Dooley). Exes of both bride and groom turn up to complicate matters, as does a tornado. Events take a seemingly tragic turn as it appears the happy couple is killed in a car accident en route to their honeymoon, but it turns out it was just their exes leaving together in the car meant as a wedding present – so who cares?

The Test of Time: During the production of 3 Women, a reporter asked a badly hungover Altman what his next project would be. “We’re shooting a wedding,” he snapped. It figures that a project based on an offhand sarcastic comment would end up being one of the director’s lesser efforts. In a DVD commentary (and in several interviews), Altman lays out his basic plan for the film: first, he wanted to double the number of characters from his most ambitious effort, Nashville. And he wanted the near real-time film to catalogue the follies of the typical wedding, when two families and sets of friends are thrust into an artificial union. It could have worked, but the delicate Altman alchemy fizzled this time around. All the usual tics are present – zoom-ins and –outs, overlapping dialogue, actor improvisation – but the magic just isn’t happening. Part of the blame goes to the cast: Desi Arnaz, Jr. and company aren’t exactly the Nashville A-list. But blame Altman for crowding so many of them into such a confined space and time. We spend too much time trying tell the bridesmaids and distant relatives apart, and by the time we’ve figured it out, few of the storylines are compelling enough – or developed enough – to command our attention. There is the odd worthy moment – a handful of wedding workers and guests passing a joint around outside the greenhouse as the dusky mist descends – but the disproportionately dark denouement is a downer that sums up the cynicism of the whole endeavor. Robert Altman made at least a half-dozen of my all-time favorite movies, so it’s pretty easy for me to shrug off his missteps. Still, the summer of ’78 sure ended with a bummer of A Wedding.

Quotable Quote: “You mean you don’t drink? In other words, when you get up in the morning, that’s as good as you’re gonna feel all day.”

2008 Equivalent: There will never be another Altman.

Thanks for joining us for the Summer of ’78! If we’re all still alive a year from now, tune in for the Summer of ’89!

Previously on Summer of '78: The Driver

Summer of ’78: “The Driver”

Scott Von Doviak — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78!

The Driver

Release Date: July 28, 1978*

Cast: Ryan O’Neal, Bruce Dern, Isabelle Adjani, Ronee Blakley

The Buzz: It’s Barry Lyndon going really fast!

Keywords: Car Chase, Parking Garage, Existentialism, Pursuit, Neo Noir

The Plot: Ryan O’Neal is the titular Driver, the consummate wheelman. Bruce Dern is the Detective determined to bring him down. Isabelle Adjani is the Player, a gambler who sees the Driver’s face after a casino robbery and is brought in for questioning by the Detective. She has been paid off, however, and refuses to identify the Driver. Since he’s played by Bruce Dern, the Detective is not a by-the-book kind of guy. He sets up his own bank robbery, using two lowlifes (Glasses and Teeth) facing 10 years in prison as bait. Although he knows the Detective is onto him, the Driver wants to beat him at his own game. Car chases result. Lots of car chases. In the end, it appears the Detective has caught the Driver holding the bag, but it turns out that both men have been duped by a low-level money launderer. This is perhaps what makes the film existential, in addition to the fact that none of the characters have names and nobody besides Dern talks much.

The Test of Time: I’m surprised at myself. As a fan of car movies, '70s cinema and Walter Hill’s pre-Streets of Fire oeuvre, I really should have seen The Driver long before now. Forget about the so-called “existential” stuff; it was all cribbed from Two Lane Blacktop anyway. Walter Hill is a man of action, and he delivers some top-notch car chases here. The first one, in which the steel-nerved Driver manages to plow half a dozen cop cars into walls or over embankments, may be the best. The camera is placed right up front, either on the hood or in the front seat, and the chase unfolds in long takes – you know, so you can actually see what’s going on. (Hello, Michael Bay and company? Hello? Is this on?) My favorite scene, however (which you can watch in the clip below), is O’Neal’s “audition” for the lowlifes, in which he chauffeurs them around a parking garage, reducing their car to scrap metal in the process – then tells them he’s not going to work for them anyway. Hill uses O’Neal’s blankness to his advantage, but I couldn’t help but think as I watched it that this was a movie made for Steve McQueen. (Sure enough, checking Wikipedia this morning I see that was the plan.) Dern is very Dern, and Adjani is eye-catching, although in her first English-speaking role she matches O’Neal in the monotone department. The only real groaner comes near the end, when Dern and about 20 cops somehow materialize behind the ever-cautious and prepared O’Neal in a bus terminal, but The Driver is still a worthy entry in the annals of four-wheeled cinema.

Quotable Quote: “That's a real sad song. Only trouble is, sad songs ain't selling this year.”

2008 Equivalent: The best bet for automotive mayhem is, unfortunately, Death Race.

*Perhaps you are wondering why we’re still in July of 1978. Go check the IMDb for August 1978 releases and you’ll learn, as I have, that there aren’t many. You may think late summer is a cinematic dead zone now, but compared to ’78, it’s an embarrassment of riches. I did have plans to do Interiors (released August 2, 1978), but it was covered in last week’s 15 Films That (Almost) Could’ve Been Directed by Someone Else list. (That’s fine by me, as I was spared having to sit through Interiors again.) But rest easy, for next week we’ll have a genuine August release to enjoy.

Previously on Summer of '78: Hooper

Summer of '78: "Hooper"

Scott Von Doviak — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78! I’ve been on vacation, so this week we’re catching up on the past few Thursdays.

Hooper

Release Date: July 28, 1978

Cast: Burt Reynolds, Jan-Michael Vincent, Sally Field, Brian Keith, Robert Klein, Adam West

The Buzz: “It just ain’t summer without Burt!” (That is, assuming Jimmy Carter is still the president.)

Keywords: Stuntman, Driving Backwards, Rocket Car, Bar Fight, Person on Fire

The Plot: Sonny Hooper (Burt Reynolds) is the greatest stuntman alive, but some fear he’s getting a little long in the tooth. His latest gig is doubling for Adam West, star of The Spy Who Laughed at Danger. (The notion that West would be headlining a big action movie as late as 1978 is one of Hooper’s more implausible elements.) During a barroom brawl at the Palomino, Hooper bonds with up-and-coming golden boy Ski (Jan-Michael Vincent), who is also working on the film. They develop a friendly rivalry on the set, with each trying to top the other with ever more outrageous stunts. This does nothing to help Hooper with his escalating dependence on painkillers, nor his deteriorating relationship with long-suffering girlfriend Gwen (Sally Field). Hooper’s doctor informs him that one more big jolt could paralyze him for life, but that doesn’t stop Hooper from taking on a risky rocket-car gag that could end his career. Take a wild guess if it does.

The Test of Time: Who knew what a cornucopia of embarrassing admissions this Summer of ’78 feature would turn out to be for me? I’ve already copped to owning novelizations of all the Omen movies as well as the Heaven Can Wait Fotonovel, but I can probably top all of that with the admission that I also had the Hooper soundtrack album. At least Smokey and the Bandit featured songs by Jerry Reed; the title track from Hooper is performed by someone named Bent Myggen and is perhaps the only song in recorded history to feature the line “Set him on fire, it will amuse him.” Of course, this latest revelation of mine comes as no surprise to the bazillions of you who keep copies of my book Hick Flicks within reach of your toilet seats. (And if you aren’t one of them, why not buy a copy today? Come on, people, I’m currently ranked # 1,090,823 on Amazon. Help me out here.) As far as the Burt Reynolds/Hal Needham southern fried ouvre goes, Hooper falls short of Smokey but finishes far ahead of Stroker Ace and the Cannonball Run collection. Allow me to quote myself from my magnum opus: “What sets Hooper apart is its insider’s view of a working class subculture within the motion picture industry. The stuntmen are a tight-knight group, clowning around on the set and playing bumper cars on the freeway en route to their favorite watering hole. They know they’re the workhorses of the picture, but even though they’re basically blue collar guys, they’ve got show biz hearts. They do impressions of stars like Jimmy Stewart and Gregory Peck to crack each other up, and get together to drink beer and watch their stunt reels for the thousandth time. There’s an improvisational spontaneity to such scenes; a “morning after” sequence in which Reynolds and Brian Keith slowly roust themselves from hangover oblivion is particularly well-observed.”

Quotable Quote: “I'm gonna find the guy who invented Zylocaine and kiss his ass on Hollywood and Vine!”

2008 Equivalent: This is a tough one, but I’ll give it to Hancock. Like Burt in the '70s, Will Smith is our current Mr. Summer, with a similar “It’s me, your buddy!” persona winking through every role. Plus Hancock is a two-syllable character name title starting with H – just like Hooper!

Previously on Summer of '78: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

Summer of '78: "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band"

Scott Von Doviak — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78! I’ve been on vacation, so this week we’re catching up on the past few Thursdays.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

Release Date: July 24, 1978

Cast: Peter Frampton, The Bee Gees, George Burns, Donald Pleasance, Sandy Farina, Steve Martin, Aerosmith

The Buzz: The classic Beatles album comes to life on the big screen...without the Beatles. Or as its producers claimed before its release, “This generation’s Gone with the Wind.”

Keywords: Beatles, Based on Album, Cornet, Glass Coffin, Hot Air Balloon, Drugged Drink

The Plot: There’s a plot? Well, let’s see…crinkly narrator George Burns tells us of a magical town called Heartland, full of love and joy and the wonderful music of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Sgt. Pepper left his musical instruments to the town of Heartland – instruments with the power to make dreams come true, Burns (as Heartland mayor Mr. Kite) tells us. Eventually Pepper’s grandson Billy Shears (Peter Frampton) and the Henderson brothers (The Bee Gees) form a new version of the band, which becomes quite popular. Hollywood music mogul B.D. Hoffler (Donald Pleasance) signs the band to his label, and they must leave Heartland – and Billy’s girlfriend Strawberry Fields (Sandy Farina) behind. While the boys are away being corrupted by the music biz, Heartland is taken over by Mean Mr. Mustard and his singing robots. They hate joy! They hate love! They love money! They steal the magical instruments and Heartland descends into decrepitude. Now superstars, Billy and the Hendersons are alerted to the disappearance of the instruments by Strawberry and set out to recover them. They also perform a benefit concert for the town, with guest appearances by Earth, Wind and Fire and Future Villain Band (played by Aerosmith). This is when things get really confusing, but somehow Strawberry is killed, Billy is depressed and tries to kill himself, but a weathervane turns into Billy Preston, who shoots lightning out of his hands to save Billy and also turn some other people into nuns. Or something like that.

The Test of Time: This movie fails just about any test you’d like to give it, but none more so than the test of time. I can see why it seemed like a good idea in ’78: the first wave of Beatle nostalgia was sweeping the land, with the Beatlemania revue lighting up Broadway (“Not the Beatles, but an incredibly simulation!”) Producer Robert Stigwood had successfully brought the rock musicals Jesus Christ Superstar and Tommy to the screen. Put two and two together and you get…an incoherent exercise in Ken Russell-lite psychedelia with a nearly unlistenable soundtrack, and one of the most notorious bombs of the ’70s. What’s really amazing to me is that I’d never seen it before now. Even at the heights of my own Beatle mania in the ’80s, I never sought it out; its reputation was always that terrible. And, I must say, well deserved. Produced more than a decade after the album that inspired it, the movie is actually much more dated than its source (which, lets be honest, is pretty dated itself). I don’t think anyone has ever accused Peter Frampton or The Bee Gees of being timeless artists, but even so, their disco fried versions of the Beatles classics are enough to make me doubt I ever liked the songs. They might as well be singing the lyrics phonetically for all the meaning and emotion they’re able to wring out of them, and the songs are all used in such numbingly obvious ways. (“Say, the sun is coming up in this scene. What would be a good number to sing here?”) And then there’s the “Golden Throats” parade of guest performers, including George Burns and his timeless rendition of “Fixing a Hole.” Seriously, did any of you buy this soundtrack album and listen to it on purpose? I mean, more than once? Steve Martin’s goony take on “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” is often cited as one of the few highlights, but I think that’s overstating the case. Only Aerosmith’s “Come Together” works, and of course it was the only real hit. The movie ends with a group sing-along of the title track that's obviously intended as a tribute to the famous Sgt. Pepper album cover, but is more like dying and going to ’70s Celebrity Hell. Among the luminaries on hand are Carol Channing, Sha Na Na, Wolfman Jack, Leif Garrett, and Seals and Crofts. It’s certainly a thrill.

Quotable Quote: “She came in through the bathroom window.”

2008 Equivalent: The obvious choice would be Julie Taymor’s Beatles musical Across the Universe, but unfortunately that came out last year. So I’ll have to go with Mamma Mia!

Previously on Summer of '78: Revenge of the Pink Panther

Summer of '78: "Revenge of the Pink Panther"

Scott Von Doviak — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78! I’ve been on vacation, so this week we’re catching up on the past few Thursdays.

Revenge of the Pink Panther

Release Date: July 19, 1978

Cast: Peter Sellers, Herbert Lom, Dyan Cannon, Burt Kwouk, Robert Loggia

The Buzz: Peter Sellers returns for the final time (sort of) as the bumbling Inspector Clouseau.

Keywords: Sequel, Clouseau, Farce, Transvestite, Clothes Blown Off, Farting Scene, Dominatrix

The Plot: In an effort to prove he has not lost his killer instinct, the head of the French Connection orders the assassination of France’s greatest detective, Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau. The “beum” fails to kill Clouseau, although the world believes he is dead. Former Chief Inspector Dreyfus (Herbert Lom) is released from the insane asylum and is reinstated to head the investigation into Clouseau’s death. (This is a minor continuity error, as Dreyfus had been disintegrated by his own doomsday machine in The Pink Panther Strikes Again, but let’s not split hairs.) With the assistance of his faithful man-servant Cato (Burt Kwouk), Clouseau goes undercover in a variety of disguises in order to solve the mystery himself. In the course of his investigation, Clouseau stumbles upon French Connection boss Douvier's former mistress Simone Legree (Dyan Cannon), who informs the great detective that her ex-lover is the would-be assassin. Together they pursue Douvier to Hong Kong (with Sellers in an offensive buck-teeth-and-coolie-hat combo), with Dreyfus – now convinced Clouseau is still alive – hot on their heels. A tour-de-farce chase ensues, or at least that’s the plan.

The Test of Time: In the pre-Jaws portion of my movie-going life, my favorite movies included Snoopy Come Home, Herbie Rides Again and The Return of the Pink Panther. For this I do not apologize. The fact that I was still eagerly anticipating new Pink Panther movies as late as 1978 may be a bit more shameful, but at the time I didn’t realize Peter Sellers was a comic genius wasting his little remaining precious time on slapdash Blake Edwards slapstick. (He did waste time on even worse things, of course.) The series had grown increasingly cartoonish over time and was virtually a live-action version of the Road Runner by this point, which would be fine except that I can’t help but notice this one isn’t very funny. It’s painfully clear that Sellers was on the sidelines when most of his pratfalls were performed, and he’s scraping the bottom of his barrel of humorous disguises and hilarious voices. (OK, the inflatable parrot on his shoulder during his “sea captain” routine made me chuckle.) When Clouseau ends up in drag being whipped by a dominatrix, it’s not nearly the outrageous spectacle Edwards seems to think, and that pretty much sets the tone for this subpar outing. Naming a character Balls is not really a sign that you have any. No, Edwards only proved he had enormous, senseless balls after Peter Sellers’ death, when he kept cranking out Pink Panther movies. The ones starring Roberto Benigni and the immortal Ted Wass were bad enough, but there was nothing sadder than Trail of the Pink Panther, made up of Sellers outtakes and ending with a Sellers stand-in being shit on by a seagull. By contrast, Revenge is a comic masterpiece.

Quotable Quote: “When you have been killed as many times as I have, you get used to it, believe me.”

2008 Equivalent: Tragically, it’s Steve Martin as Inspector Clouseau in Pink Panther 2.

Previously on Summer of '78: The Swarm

Summer of ’78: “The Swarm”

Scott Von Doviak — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer (or Monday, if the disc is late from Netflix) we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78!

The Swarm

Release Date: July 14, 1978

Cast: Michael Caine, Katharine Ross, Richard Widmark, Richard Chamberlain, Fred MacMurray, Henry Fonda

The Buzz: Bees! Get it? The “buzz” is “bees”! I wasn’t even trying to do that! The funny just slipped out of me!

Keywords: Killer Bee, Disaster Film, Mass Child Killing, Child Driving Car, Flamethrower, Science Runs Amok

The Plot: Mysterious doings at a military facility outside the small town of Marysville, Texas have left hundreds of soldiers dead. General Slater (Richard Widmark) arrives on the scene to find a British civilian, entomologist Dr. Brad Crane (Michael Caine) already there. He claims the base has been attacked by a swarm of deadly African bees, but Slater would prefer to believe it’s some sort of commie plot. Slater is further disgruntled when the White House checks in and puts Crane in charge of the entire anti-bee operation. In Marysville, a young boy’s parents are killed by the swarm while picnicking and he narrowly escapes. Later he returns to the scene with some friends, who have the incredibly dumb plan of heaving Molotov cocktails at the swarm. This only angers the bees, who descend on Marysville and kill a bunch of young children in the schoolyard, always a good time at the movies. Proving itself resistant to even the strongest pesticides, the swarm then makes its way toward Houston.

The Test of Time: One of the things I spent way too much time worrying about as a young lad in the ’70s was the swarm of killer bees that we were always being told was making its way up from Africa or South America. It was always about a year or two away – somewhere in Mexico, maybe – and since I had suffered a couple of allergic reactions to bee-stings, resulting in my feet swelling up into purple blobs, I figured this would be the end of me. These fears were fueled by the book The Swarm (not a novelization in this case), but I didn’t see the movie until now. It is, of course, an Irwin Allen production from the tail end of the disaster movie cycle Allen spearheaded. You know, the kind of movie where the poster has a row of boxes with photos of its big name cast running along the bottom, and you expect the last one to say “And Henry Fonda as The President.” (Close; it actually ends with “And Henry Fonda as Dr. Krim.”) Even by Allen’s lax standards, this is one incredibly boneheaded botch – a disaster movie in every sense of the term. The bloated running time extends past the two-and-a-half hour mark, technical incompetence runs rampant – The Swarm features some of the worst day-for-night shots in the history of cinema – and plotlines (courtesy of Oscar-winning screenwriting Stirling Silliphant) tend to vanish without a trace. Although there are hints at some sinister connection between Crane and the bee attack, we never find out how he made his way into the military base. A hokey love triangle subplot involving Fred MacMurray, Ben Johnson and Olivia de Havilland comes to a rather abrupt conclusion when they are all killed in a train derailment. It appears that Allen had some fire-suits left over from The Towering Inferno, which is basically recreated in a battle between flamethrower-wielding soldiers and killer bees. Crane’s solution to the bee crisis is to lure them over the Gulf with the amplified sound of a simulated mating call, then have a bunch of oil tankers dump their loads and set them aflame. I think this could qualify as one of those cures worse than the disease. The Swarm is recommended to all who enjoy laughing at tremendous wastes of time and resources, particularly the DVD version with the deadly serious making-of documentary in which we are informed that “all Irwin Allen movies are rooted in reality” and that, yes, the killer bees will be here any day now.

Quotable Quote: It’s too hard to choose between Caine’s “I never dreamed it would be the bees. They’ve always been our friend!” and Widmark’s “Houston on fire. Will history blame me or the bees?”

2008 Equivalent: This is too easy. Disaster movie + eco-terror + unintentionally hilarious dialogue can only mean The Happening.

Previously on Summer of '78: The Bad News Bears Go to Japan

Summer of ’78: “The Bad News Bears Go to Japan”

Scott Von Doviak — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78!

The Bad News Bears Go to Japan

Release Date: June 30, 1978

Cast: Tony Curtis, Jackie Earle Haley, Tomisaburo Wakayama, Dick Button, Regis Philbin

The Buzz: Bad News Bears! Japan! Whaddaya need, a roadmap?

Keywords: Baseball, Sequel, Japan

The Plot: The Bad News Bears go to Japan. That’s about it, but I’ll try to be a little more specific. The Bears little league team – or at least the members of the team that returned for the concluding film of this essential trilogy – see a news report indicating that the United States will not be sending a team to Tokyo to compete with the Japanese little league champions. The Bears decide they’re the team for the job, and go on TV to tell Regis why they should represent our national pastime in the Land of the Rising Sun. Degenerate gambler Tony Curtis sees the program and decides the Bears are his meal ticket; he’ll take them to Japan in exchange for the lion’s share of the profits from a potential network telecast. Once the team reaches Tokyo, the Bears disappear for large chunks of the movie, which is heavily padded with travelogue material: a karate exhibition, a wrestling match, a game show talent competition. Curtis’s gambling partners fly in three ringers for the big game in order to ensure a U.S. victory, and a brawl breaks out shortly after the match-up at the Tokyo Dome gets underway. The network broadcast falls apart, but the two teams later meet up in an old-fashioned sandlot showdown.

The Test of Time: As I proceed with this series, it’s becoming clear that I spent the summer of ’78 reading a lot of novelizations. I’ve already mentioned Damien: Omen II and Jaws 2, but I also had the Fotonovel of Heaven Can Wait and I definitely had all three Bad News Bears novelizations. Although the original Bears was one of the seminal movies of my childhood, I don’t think I ever saw the sequels on the big screen. I’m sure I wanted to see the first sequel at least, but I had limited options at that age. If it wasn’t playing at the Navy base or in the tiny two-screen theater at the mall in Ellsworth, Maine, I didn’t have much choice. In retrospect I’m glad I didn’t see The Bad News Bears Go to Japan at the time, because I had better things to do in 1978, and now I apparently don’t. The one thing I’ll say on the movie’s behalf is that it didn’t dip nearly as deeply into the waters of cultural insensitivity as I was expecting. That’s not to say it’s a nuanced look at Japan circa the late ’70s, but it’s not as offensive as it could have been. It is, however, horrible. It’s so bad that most of the original cast declined to participate. I’m not just talking about Walter Matthau and Tatum O’Neal here – I mean like the kids who played Tanner and Lupus. Can you imagine how badly Tony Curtis’s career must have been going if he agreed to star in a movie that the kid who played Lupus turned down? The few Bears who do return have pretty much outgrown their cuteness, particularly pudgy catcher Englebert, now roughly the size of Haystacks Calhoun. The Bears aren’t given much to do aside from Kelly Leak (Jackie Earle Haley), the onetime bad boy who has now been Fonzied into a sensitive punk and who gets a perfunctory romance with a Japanese girl. I’m glad Haley had that little comeback a couple years ago, because it would be sad if this was the last thing he’d ever done.

Fashion Highlights: Kelly Leak still has the look with his shiny disco shirts and bell-bottom jeans, but Curtis is tragic in a wide-collared leisure suit with gold chains. Let us not even speak of his flared baseball uniform pants.

2008 Equivalent: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, just because it’s an unrequested and unnecessary threequel that will undoubtedly suck.

Previously on Summer of '78: Heaven Can Wait

Summer of ’78: “Heaven Can Wait”

Scott Von Doviak — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78!

Heaven Can Wait

Release Date: June 28, 1978

Cast: Warren Beatty, Julie Christie, Charles Grodin, James Mason, Jack Warden, Dyan Cannon

The Buzz: McCabe and Mrs. Miller together again – this time in a lighthearted romp!

Keywords: Sweat Suit, Poisoning, Quarterback, Afterlife, Saxophone, Super Bowl

The Plot: In this sort-of remake of the 1941 comedy Here Comes Mr. Jordan (although the opening credits cite the original play Heaven Can Wait, on which Jordan was also based), Warren Beatty stars as L.A. Rams backup quarterback Joe Pendleton, who is about to get his big break. Trainer Max Corkle (Jack Warden) informs Joe that he’ll be starting Sunday’s game against the Dallas Cowboys, which is good news, but then Joe is hit by a car while riding his bike, which isn’t so good. Joe finds himself in a way station en route to the afterlife, but it turns out that his handler (Buck Henry) has made a mistake: he whisked Joe out of his body immediately before the accident, but Joe would have survived and lived 50 more years. Mr. Jordan (James Mason) finds a replacement body for Joe – multi-millionaire Farnsworth, who has just been poisoned by his scheming wife (Dyan Cannon) and executive secretary (Charles Grodin). Joe agrees to take over Farnsworth’s body on a temporary basis so as to help environmental activist Betty Logan (Julie Christie), who has been protesting Farnsworth’s development plans. Joe falls for Betty and trains for the Super Bowl in Farnsworth’s body after convincing Corkle he’s the real deal. Since it’s a little much to expect an audience to root for a guy who looks like Warren Beatty to win over Julie Christie and win the Super Bowl while also being the richest man in the world, Farnsworth is finally killed by Grodin and Joe must scramble for yet another new body. Fortunately for him, the current Rams quarterback suffers a football fatality in mid-game and Joe takes over.

The Test of Time: You need only witness Christie’s tragic Greatest American Hero hairdo to see that Heaven Can Wait is dated; the ‘70s SoCal vibe is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Still, it does hold up better than its 2001 remake Down to Earth, in which Chris Rock takes over the body of a rich, old white guy to no discernable comic effect. It’s a surprisingly lightweight comedy given Beatty’s usual proclivities for injecting social significance into his projects, although there is one scene in which Farnsworth gives a disjointed lecture on corporate responsibility that anticipates the later political satire Bulworth. But there’s remarkably little chemistry between Beatty and Christie despite their history together; the romance is barely developed. The screwball aspect never really builds up a head of steam either, despite Grodin’s best efforts and a chuckle-worthy turn by Vincent Gardenia as a homicide detective obsessed with Farnsworth’s sudden disinterest in hats. So many plot gears are grinding that Heaven Can Wait always seems in a hurry to get onto the next scene, to the detriment of both comedy and character development. It’s breezy and enjoyable enough, but it’s less substantial than the cloud Mr. Jordan calls home.

Quotable Quote: “This isn't going to work. You're playing football with a bunch of butlers!”

2008 Equivalent: Football plus screwball romantic comedy = Leatherheads.

Previously on Summer of ’78: The Cheap Detective

Summer of ’78: “The Cheap Detective”

Scott Von Doviak — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78!

The Cheap Detective

Release Date: June 23, 1978

Cast: Peter Falk, Madeline Kahn, Ann-Margret, Eileen Brennan, Dom DeLuise

The Buzz: If you loved Murder by Death, perhaps you’ll tolerate The Cheap Detective.

Keywords: Sequel, Second Part, Detective

The Plot: Apparently The Cheap Detective doesn’t have much of a following, seeing as it only has three IMDb keywords and two of them are wrong. This is not actually a sequel to Murder by Death, in which Peter Falk played the Sam Spade-ish detective Sam Diamond. Here Falk plays the Sam Spade-ish detective Lou Peckinpaugh. See – totally different thing. It is true that both films were written by Neil Simon in his wacky mode (as opposed to his more popular treacly mode), and Detective is clearly intended to capitalize on the success of the earlier movie. A mash-up spoof of both The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca, it’s set in San Francisco on the eve of World War II. Peckinpaugh is a private eye whose partner has been murdered, along with a bunch of innocent bystanders. Since Peckinpaugh had been carrying on an affair with his partner’s wife Georgia (Marsha Mason), he’s immediately a suspect. Georgia is only the first in a string of unlikely femmes fatale who get Peckinpaugh in and out of trouble through the course of the movie. There’s also Eileen Brennan as sultry saloon singer Betty DeBoop, Louise Fletcher as the stand-in for Ingrid Bergman’s Ilsa from Casablanca, and Madeline Kahn as the ludicrously evasive Mrs. Montenegro. Somewhere in the convoluted tangle of events, Peckinpaugh also gets involved with John Houseman and Dom DeLuise as a Sydney Greenstreet/Peter Lorre pair looking for a dozen valuable diamond eggs.

The Test of Time: Compared to the typical zany comedy of today, The Cheap Detective is far less crude – but that’s not the same as saying it’s more sophisticated. What passed for a shocking sight gag in 1978 – like Kahn accidentally flushing her husband’s ashes down the toilet – wouldn’t raise an eyebrow in the age of the execrable The Love Guru, in which grown men do battle with urine-soaked mops. Simon is taking his own shot at his Your Show of Shows colleague Mel Brooks’s brand of lowbrow parody, but seems unwilling to really get down and dirty. He and director Robert Moore assembled a month’s worth of Hollywood Squares stars for the supporting cast, including Abe Vigoda, Vic Tayback, Paul Williams, Scatman Crothers, David Ogden Stiers and James Coco, but to no avail. The Cheap Detective settles for cheap laughs, from a Chinese character named “Won Fat Ching” to groaners like “Oh, Georgia, I had you on my mind.” Falk does his best Bogart impression, which sounds a lot like Columbo.

Quotable Quote: “I wasn't talking to you, Schnell, I was telling him to go faster.”

2008 Equivalent: A spoofy spy story that really did originate with Mel Brooks, Get Smart.

Previously on Summer of '78: Jaws 2

Summer of ’78: “Jaws 2”

Scott Von Doviak — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78!

Jaws 2

Release Date: June 16, 1978

Cast: Roy Scheider, Lorraine Gary, Murray Hamilton, Joseph Mascolo, Jeffrey Kramer

The Buzz: Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…

Keywords: Shark Attack, Waterskiing, Beached Whale, Lighthouse, Ribbon Cutting

The Plot: It’s been a few years since that pesky shark attack ruined the summer for the residents and tourists of the quaint New England island town of Amity. Brody (Roy Scheider) is still the chief of police, and inexplicably enough, sleazebag Larry Vaughn (Murray Hamilton) is still the mayor. (“Re-elect Mayor Vaughn! He didn’t let all of you get eaten!”) Mrs. Brody is now working for a slick real estate developer, and eldest son Mike is a horny teenager with a sailboat. Everything seems normal, until a series of freak accidents awaken a fishy fear in Brody. Two divers disappear after stumbling upon the sunken ruins of the Orca, Quint’s boat from the first movie. A waterskiing boat blows up. A killer whale washes up on the beach with huge chunks bitten out of it. Brody’s shark fever gets out of control when he shoots up the surf in front of a huge crowd of beachgoers, only to find he’s been targeting a harmless school of bluefish. Worried that Brody will scare off all the developers, the mayor and city council give him his walking papers. But the joke’s on them, as Mike Brody and his gaggle of teen buddies learn when they go sailboat racing the next day and Amity’s new shark starts using them as its own personal concession stand.

The Test of Time: I can’t think of many movies I ever anticipated more rabidly than Jaws 2. When everyone else my age decided Star Wars was their favorite movie, I still stood by Jaws – I even remember being bummed out when Lucas’s clunky space opera overtook my beloved shark movie as the all-time box office champ. So when I heard a sequel was on the way, I was all over it. By the time the movie opened, I had already consumed the making-of book, the novelization (a cut above the usual hack job, written by Hank Searls as a follow-up to Peter Benchley’s novel, complete with a continuation of the Mafia subplot that never made it to the movies), and the Marvel comics adaptation (based on the early footage shot by original Jaws 2 director John Hancock, who was fired a few weeks into production). I think the future movie critic in me made his first appearance that day in 1978 when I walked out of the matinee show. I’m not sure I was disappointed, exactly, but I knew something wasn’t quite right. It may have been my first realization that the director was more than just the guy who called “Action!” and “Cut!” They might have both gotten their starts on Night Gallery, but there was a big difference between Steven Spielberg and Jeannot Szwarc, even if I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was.

Thirty years later, it’s a little easier to figure out. (In case you’ve lost track of Szwarc’s career, he went on to direct Supergirl and Santa Claus: The Movie, and currently helms episodes of Cold Case and Without a Trace.) With Robert Shaw’s character dead and Richard Dreyfuss deciding he had better things to do, only Scheider remained from the original Orca crew, and he made it clear to anyone who would listen that he was basically doing the sequel at gunpoint. To fill in the gap, Universal essentially fused their shark movie with a teen sex comedy, with the result that we spend much of the running time waiting for some really unappealing young actors to get eaten. Even the most effective moments in Jaws 2 are pale echoes of scenes from the first movie, as when Brody wades out into the surf, overturns a piece of driftwood, and a burnt corpse pops up. The one kernel of a new idea is Brody’s shark paranoia threatening to ruin his career and marriage; it’s possible Jaws 2 would have been more interesting if it turned out there wasn’t a shark at all, but of course, that’s a movie that would have never been made. The shark sequences are sorely lacking Spielberg’s sure-handed touch, and naturally, the bigger and better mechanical fish looks much faker than the original. Obviously, Jaws 2 wasn’t the first such follow-up – we just saw Damien: Omen II last week, after all – but it was really the birth of the blockbuster sequel, the “tentpole” movies that would come to dominate the summer season, which is reason enough to look back on it with very little fondness at all.

Quotable Quote: “Open wide!”

2008 Equivalent: A redundant sequel/remake about a powerful, dangerous beastie? The Incredible Hulk, of course.

Previously on Summer of '78: Damien: Omen II

Summer of ’78: “Damien: Omen II”

Scott Von Doviak — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78!

Damien: Omen II

Release Date: June 9, 1978

Cast: William Holden, Lee Grant, Jonathan Scott-Taylor, Robert Foxworth, Sylvia Sidney, Lance Henriksen

The Buzz: The son of Satan is back to raise more hell!

Keywords: Devil Child, Satanism, Ice Hockey, Attacked By Bird, Torso Cut In Half

The Plot: I'd never seen any of the Omen movies, but I do vaguely recall reading the novelizations. You know how it is; too young to see R-rated movies in the theater, but not too young to buy the book versions of same down at Mr. Paperback. (They were probably just happy I was interested in reading at all.) So I can’t tell you much about the first Omen movie, but let’s all agree to assume that Damien Thorn was born with the mark of the beast, and that those who figured out he was the Antichrist met with an untimely demise.

One of those people was Damien’s father Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck), who apparently did not have the chance to change his will before attempting to kill his own offspring with sacred daggers, because as the sequel begins, the now teenage Damien is in the custody of Robert’s brother Richard (William Holden) and his wife Ann (Lee Grant). Now a military school cadet, Damien is still unaware of his destiny as the prince of darkness, until his sergeant (played by a young-yet-craggy Lance Henriksen) tells him to check out the Book of Revelation. “For you it is just that – a book of revelation, for you, about you.” Hey, who couldn’t use one of those?

Damien learns that being the Antichrist comes with certain advantages. For example, it turns out that he’s very good at remembering historically significant dates. And, you know, he can give heart attacks to old ladies and make people plummet down elevator shafts. It takes him long enough, but eventually Richard Thorn figures out that his brother has willed him a dud, and tries to get his hands on those fancy daggers. Sadly, even William Holden is no match for Satan’s boy.

The Test of Time: I have no idea if Omen fans were satisfied with this follow-up, but if so, they must have been easily impressed. The stakes never seem particularly high in this sequel; those who grow suspicious of Damien are pretty quickly hit by trucks or fall through thin ice on the lake. And there doesn’t seem to be any urgency to get rid of him, since his destiny involves taking over a big corporation with questionable ethical policies. Heck, if he doesn’t do it, someone else will! Damien was released a few months before John Carpenter’s Halloween would usher in the era of the slasher film, so its big scares must have looked dated almost immediately. (Perhaps not quite as dated as Robert Foxworth’s frightening Luke Spencer perm, but still.) Still, it was successful enough to spawn Omen III: The Final Conflict, and now that the first Omen has been remade, who knows? Maybe Damien will be back for another round as well.

Quotable Quote: “You’re not my brother! The Beast has no brother! You were born of a jackal!”

2008 Equivalent: It’s a sequel about the son of a demon, so I’m going with Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

Previously on Summer of '78: Capricorn One

Summer of '78: "Capricorn One"

Scott Von Doviak — Thu, 29 May 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Each Thursday this summer we’ll hop in the Screengrab time machine and jump back thirty years to see what was new and exciting at the neighborhood moviehouse this week in…The Summer of ’78!

Capricorn One

Release Date: June 2, 1978

Cast: Elliott Gould, James Brolin, Brenda Vaccaro, Hal Holbrook, Sam Waterston, Karen Black, Telly Savalas, OJ Simpson

The Buzz: A conspiracy thriller with a dash of sci-fi intrigue.

Keywords: NASA, Astronaut, Fraud, Chase, Reporter, Scorpion, Helicopter Crash

The Plot: Three astronauts (Brolin, Waterston and The Juice) are onboard their spacecraft ready to launch the first manned mission to mars when a NASA suit rushes them out of the capsule and onto a waiting plane. When they arrive in Los Angeles and meet with NASA chief James Kelloway (Holbrook), they learn that the ship’s cheaply made life support system was deemed unsafe, and that their ship has left for Mars without them. Appealing to their patriotism – and when that fails, not-so-subtly threatening the lives of their families – Kelloway coerces them into participating in a hoax. The Mars landing is faked on a Hollywood soundstage, as is their return to Earth. (You can imagine how this would be a scandal on par with Milli Vanilli lip-synching on the Grammies.) When the ship splashes down, Kelloway announces that the heat shields have failed and all aboard have disintegrated. Figuring that they’ve been duped, the astronauts escape and split up, heading in three different directions. At this point, you will guess correctly that Brolin will be the lone survivor. (The black astronaut is, of course, the first to die, but since it’s OJ, it’s hard to get too worked up over it.) Meanwhile, reporter Robert Caulfield (Elliott Gould, doing a broader take on his Philip Marlowe from The Long Goodbye) is sniffing around the story and figuring that something isn’t quite right.

The Test of Time: I’m actually a little surprised there hasn’t been a remake of Capricorn One yet, and not surprised at all that a Google search of “capricorn one remake” turns up dozens of rumor sites. The urban legend that the moon landing was faked persists to this day (see the recent NASA documentary In the Shadow of the Moon, in which exasperated lunar module pilot Charlie Duke points out, “We went to the moon nine times. Why would we fake it nine times?”), and Mars is back in the headlines this very week. Granted, the most recent cycle of Mars movies (Red Planet, Mission to Mars, Ghosts of Mars) met with little support from critics or the box office, but Capricorn has a solid premise, even if the execution is half-baked. In the hands of sci-fi hack Peter Hyams (Outland, 2010), it’s a lumpy thriller with no real momentum and little suspense. Also, the ending SUCKS - it's one of those '70s freeze-frames that thinks its so profound and ambiguous, when really it's just denying us a well-deserved comeuppance for no good reason. It's not like they'd be messing with a classic, so I can easily picture a more sophisticated Capricorn One, in terms of both conspiracy and technology, from, say, Steven Soderbergh. Yes, I can see it now: George Clooney, Will Smith and Steve Carrell as the astronauts. Call me, Stevie! We'll do lunch!

Quotable Quote: “You know, when Apollo 17 landed on the moon, people were calling up the networks and bitching because reruns of I Love Lucy were cancelled. Reruns, for Christ's sake! I could understand if it was the new Lucy show. After all, what's a walk on the moon? But reruns?”

2008 Equivalent: Let’s see…conspiracies, outer space, an investigator who stumbles onto something big…it’s gotta be The X-Files: I Want to Believe.

Previously on "Summer of '78": Thank God It's Friday

Summer of ’78: “Thank God It’s Friday”

Scott Von Doviak — Thu, 22 May 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Because I have lost my mind, I am launching yet another new Screengrab feature today, this one called – as you may have gathered – “Summer of ’78.” The premise is simple: each week this summer we will jump back in time 30 years to check out a flick that was new and exciting in theaters that week in 1978. This isn’t necessarily about the biggest hits or biggest bombs, or the best or worst movies; it’s more about examining what was considered suitable summer entertainment then and how it compares to today’s blockbuster fare. I’m sure we’ll all learn something, right? Hello? Is this thing on?

What better way to kick off the series than with the most beloved disco comedy ever made, with the possible exceptions of Can’t Stop the Music and Summer of Sam?

Thank God It’s Friday

Release Date: May 19, 1978

Cast: Jeff Goldblum, Terri Nunn, Chick Vennera, Donna Summer, Debra Winger and The Commodores

The Buzz: Saturday Night Fever was a huge hit. Add some laughs, substitute Jeff Goldblum for John Travolta, and what could go wrong?

Keywords: Discotheque, Gorilla Suit, Pinball, Leather, Dance Contest

The Plot: The hard-working stiffs of Los Angeles are living for Friday night, when they can finally cut loose on the dance floor of the Zoo, the hottest disco in town. DJ Bobby Speed has promised a live appearance by the Commodores in time for the big dance contest, but their instruments and equipment are with roadie Floyd, who keeps getting pulled over by the cops. Aspiring singer Nicole (Summer) just wants a chance to show off her pipes. Zoo owner Tony Di Marco (Goldblum) is a horndog trying to lure a married woman into the sack on her fifth anniversary. The rest of the Zoo is filled with lonely people in polyester looking for love or just looking to score.

The Test of Time: The ensemble cast, up-all-night party movie is one of my favorite genres, but Thank God It’s Friday is a pretty weak example. It plays like an extended episode of some 70s sitcom you’d forgotten about, set to a monotonous dance beat. It’s the most whitebread depiction of the disco craze imaginable; the only black people in the joint are the entertainment, and there’s virtually no gay presence at all aside from one mild joke and the recurring sight gag of a cross-dresser shaving his chest. If this movie were the only surviving artifact of the era, you’d have to assume disco was a predominantly Jewish phenomenon. The music is generally lame soundtrack album filler, aside from “Brick House” and the Donna Summer showstopper “Last Dance” (the reason you can accurately call Thank God It’s Friday an Academy Award winner). The cast is forgettable and forgotten, except for Goldblum and one girl who caught my attention by actually resembling a flesh-and-blood human being. Checking the credits later, it turned out she was Debra Winger. I wonder what ever happened to her?

Quotable Quote: “You know what this place reminds me of? Disneyland with tits!”

2008 Equivalent: If we’re talking dance-offs, the recent Step Up 2 The Streets fits the bill. If the question is which summer movie will look the most dated in 30 years, it has to be Speed Racer, right?