The Screengrab : signs

The Screengrab's Top Ten Worst...Movies...Ever!!!! (Part Six)

Andrew Osborne — Thu, 07 May 2009 22:30:00 GMT

Hayden Childs' Top Ten Worst Movies Ever (Part One)

1. K-PAX (2001)

K-Pax is not a bad movie merely because it dares to teach us that all mentally ill people can be Magical Negroes if they try. K-Pax is not a bad movie merely because it makes one pine for the relatively wise and somber tones of Patch Adams. K-Pax is not a bad movie merely because its twinkly-winky score underlines every single emotion onscreen, which are themselves shaded in primary colors and writ large enough for a pre-schooler to grasp. K-Pax is not a bad movie merely because Kevin Spacey approaches his mentally ill/spaceman character as if the ideal mentally ill spaceman is part-Jack Nicholson and part-Bono, basically a smirk in shades. K-Pax is not a bad movie merely because supporting characters are constantly telling the audience how awesome Keven Spacey’s mentally ill spaceman is. In truth, any one of these reasons is enough to make K-Pax a bad movie, but the real problem with K-Pax is that it insists that the audience swallow all of this Hallmark-lite hokum when it knows that it’s heading towards a broad Christ metaphor that even Kirk Cameron would shy away from. This movie is the strongest cinematic argument ever made for involuntary lobotomies.

2. FORREST GUMP (1994)

I never intended to see this movie. But I was staying with a friend who insisted that I had to see it now now now because it would change my life. Maybe it did. I swore that as God was my witness, I would never sit through Forrest Gump again. And I’ve kept that promise. Like the title character, I grew up in Alabama. Being from there means that I tend to detest movies set in Alabama, which are all about the oh-so-colorful hicks who live there with their strange okra-eating ways, and usually star people who seem to have learned everything they know about Southern accents by watching Hee Haw reruns (as Hal Crowther once wrote, can you imagine seeing the tables turned with a movie set in New York where the cast was full of genuine rednecks from Alabama and Mississippi mimicking Howard Cosell?). But the setting is just the surface gloss of this movie's bone-deep stupidity. From what I understand, Winston Groom’s novel is a rather clever satire of the late 20th century, but I have never read it. The movie is the opposite of satire, a picaresque story designed to tug and strain at heartstrings, to make grown men weep and ladies quiver with its story of the extraordinary man-child Forrest Gump. But underneath all that gooey Lifetime Movie stuff, the message is that idiots deserve your respect. Idiots make history happen. Idiots stick to their core principles and blindly charge forward, damn the facts, and are blessed by the god of their choice. Did the makers of this film never read Of Mice And Men? Idiots destroy the things they are supposed to protect. Forrest Gump negates that story, and dares to tell the audience that idiots are born leaders. Perhaps it's needless to say, but this movie is directly responsible for the eight long years of the Bush Administration. Whenever you hear the words "mission accomplished" from an official source, you should know that they're really saying "stupid is as stupid does." The success of Bill Kristol makes a lot more sense if you imagine him droning on about how life is like a box of chocolates.

3. MOULIN ROUGE (2001)

Combining all the fun of epilepsy with all the subtlety of musical theater, Moulin Rouge was like a romance novel written by high-fructose corn syrup. I'm pretty sure that this movie gave me inoperable cancer. Of the soul. I know that there's people out there who like it, but I cannot imagine why. Among its sins are bad editing, terrible acting, actors singing the ubiquitous hits of any generic Clear Channel radio station, an eyescaldingly hideous color scheme, and a plot that would embarrass Danielle Steele. The only redeeming thing about it is that it should make it clear to all the homophobes out there that homosexuality cannot be passed around like a virus, because if it were, this movie would be Patient Zero for the Campy Queer Flu.

4. SIGNS (2002)

Are there words in the English language more terrifying than “Written, Produced and Directed by M. Night Shyamalan”? Signs is about aliens who come to Earth to help Mel Gibson recover his faith in God. Signs is also about helping Mel to understand his wife’s dying words, in which she somehow predicted that hostile aliens would invade a planet which is more than 70 percent covered in liquid death and presciently knew that Mel's baseball-loving brother could save her child with a well-swung bat. Signs is also about how brilliant alien invaders who can build spaceships and disrupt electrical signals and stuff like that might decide that the best way to begin their invasion is by invading a child’s birthday party in Brazil, irritating a farmer's dog, or hiding in a pantry. Hoo boy. Too bad these aliens couldn't take the obvious route of replacing everyone around Mel with pod people. Or bursting out of his stomach at a family dinner. That would have been quite the twist!

5. NATURAL BORN KILLERS (1994)

Oh, it’s sooooo deep. Those people will do anything for fame! I realize Oliver Stone thinks he’s being all clever about the MTV generation, but this is a movie devoid of ideas desperately trying to pass itself off as a smart film. It's like The Honeymoon Killers remade by MTV Cribs, only less so. I think that the makers of this movie would say that overexposure to the media makes people crazy and amoral, but that doesn't explain why they fought lawsuits blaming this movie for copycat murders by overexposed fans. They're trying to have it both ways: trying to say that the movie is against the violence it portrays, even as the whole point of the movie is the glorification of that violence. Quentin Tarantino, who wrote the original script, has allegedly disowned the movie, and it's clear why. Tarantino may not be the deepest filmmaker - a lot of his clever flourishes don't have a whole lot of thought behind them - but he has a great eye and a working brain and he understands that satire has a point. All of Tarantino's films have cold-blooded killers in them, and all of them ask for you to sympathize with a killer, one way or another. Tarantino doesn't feel a need to explain how these killers got to be that way, nor does he bludgeon the viewer with faux-irony about how society views these killers, especially not while producing his trademark extremely-stylized violence. But Stone, on the other hand, doesn't know how he feels about his killers. His movie seems to be saying over and over again that they are awesome, and what's more, everyone in his movie (other than the victims, presumably) is a cold-blooded, amoral murderer. That's not satire. It's nihilism. Say what you will about the tenets of Quentin Tarantino, but at least he has an ethos.

Click Here For Part One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Seven, Eight, Nine & Ten

Contributor: Hayden Childs

Thursday Morning Poll for June 19, 2008

Paul Clark — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Back in 2000, M. Night Shyamalan boldly predicted that Unbreakable would be a smash hit like his previous film, The Sixth Sense. However, this didn’t happen, with the superhero-themed thriller drawing modest box office compared to its predecessor. However, judging by the results of last week’s poll, the film has a strong following, at least compared to Shyamalan’s other work, with Unbreakable bringing in an impressive 60% of the vote, and Signs a distant second. As always, Lady in the Water is the unwanted child in Shyamalan’s filmography, although the reaction to The Happening has been as negative as the critical reaction to Lady, if not more so. What did you folks think of his latest release?

This week, we’re asking for your thoughts on the relative merits of the Hulk movies. Does the new version smash Ang Lee’s, or does it just make you angry? Pick the choice that most closely reflects your thoughts on the franchise.

As always, the comments section is open for your thoughts. See you next week!

Yesterday's Hits: The Sixth Sense (1999, M. Night Shyamalan)

Paul Clark — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Compared to what Screengrab’s resident box office prognosticators had predicted for it, The Happening’s $30-odd million opening weekend gross was something of a surprise. However, judging by the peals of laughter which accompanied the Friday night screening I attended- combined with mostly dumbfounded reaction to his previous films Lady in the Water and The Village- I think it’s safe to say that M. Night Shyamalan’s reputation among the public has gone down the tubes. It’s strange to think that it hasn’t even been a decade since Shyamalan was Hollywood’s resident whiz kid, turning a low-key chiller into one of the biggest sleeper hits of the 1990s. Today I’ll be taking a second look at that film, 1999’s The Sixth Sense.

What made The Sixth Sense a hit?: In this age of focus groups and micro-managed marketing campaigns, surprise blockbusters have become exceedingly rare. In fact, it seems like the only box-office surprises left are the flops. But The Sixth Sense pulled it off through a mix of numerous elements. First, there was the film’s late-summer release, arriving just in time when slam-bang effects and big-budget bloat was beginning to wear down audiences. Then there were the trailers and TV spots, which wisely played up the story’s big hook, which was nearly encapsulated in one unforgettable four-word line (that would be “I see dead people,” not “keep moving, cheese dick”). And of course there was that final twist, which at a time before every genre film felt obligated to include a twist came as a legitimate surprise to most viewers.

But while all of these elements might have combined to make The Sixth Sense a hit, it would take more than that to take the film’s grosses to nearly $300 million in the U.S. alone, second only to Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace among 1999 releases. Credit good old-fashioned word-of-mouth for the film’s ultimate success. The Sixth Sense was, quite simply, a movie that got people talking, with those who raved about the film convincing their friends, family and coworkers to check it out for themselves. Word of mouth is the hardest kind of buzz to harness properly, but if you can make it work for you, there are few better ways to tap into the zeitgeist, and The Sixth Sense is proof of that.

What happened?: If surprise blockbusters are few and far between, rarer still are huge hits that don’t experience some kind of backlash, and no sooner did The Sixth Sense become one of the most popular movies ever than the backlash began in earnest. The primary target for the naysayers was the famous twist, with people calling the film a one-trick pony and even claiming (truthfully or not) that they saw it coming.

But even more damaging to the film’s reputation in the long run was Shyamalan himself. The Sixth Sense turned the young filmmaker from Philadelphia into one of Hollywood’s marquee directors. The trouble began when Shyamalan began to buy into the hype that had arisen around him. His presence became increasingly ubiquitous in the marketing of his films, with Shyamalan claiming proprietary credit for all of his subsequent efforts to date. Likewise, his attempts to recapture the box office magic of The Sixth Sense have resulted in ever more misguided marketing ploys- remember the awful television “documentary” just before the release of The Village?

Most of all, Shyamalan’s films seem to have suffered due to an need on the director’s part to re-create the success of The Sixth Sense by sticking as closely to his original template as possible. Looking at his subsequent efforts, one notices Shyamalan’s trademark combination of funereal pacing, domestic drama, and the use of an often profoundly quiet soundtrack to build tension. While these stylistic tropes suited The Sixth Sense perfectly, they haven’t fit his other stories nearly so well. However, with Shyamalan’s increased clout has become a maverick tendency on his part to be unreceptive to constructive criticism from others (Exhibit A being Bob Balaban weaselly film critic character in Lady in the Water). As a result, Shyamalan’s recent films have become increasingly schizoid in tone, with goofball humor clashing with tense moments in a way that deflates any suspense the film is trying to create. The films are sometimes interesting- Lady in particular has a crazy charm to it- but it doesn’t make them good.

Does The Sixth Sense still work?: Sure does. Not having seen the film since its initial release, I wasn’t sure whether my knowledge of the twist would spoil the film for me, but I was relieved that it didn’t. In fact, knowing how the film plays out makes one more mindful of the clues Shyamalan sprinkles throughout the film, and watching the film again, I was impressed by how little Shyamalan cheats in order to make the twist happen. He reveals just enough to let the audience know that something is afoot, but never fudges the rules he’s set forth in the story, and if you look closely enough- or know what’s going to happen- you can see this.

Of course, none of this would have worked in the first place had Shyamalan made the audience feel like they were watching a “twist movie.” But to his credit, the film’s drama is compelling enough on its own that first-time viewers aren’t simply waiting for the other shoe to drop, narratively-speaking. Bruce Willis gives one of his best performances in The Sixth Sense as child psychologist Dr. Malcolm Crowe, who can’t understand why his career and marriage have gone completely to hell after his shooting by a former patient. Likewise, his scenes with Haley Joel Osment as Cole, the forlorn, pint-sized medium in his care, are nicely-performed and written, with Willis proving remarkably patient with his gifted young costar, and Shyamalan giving both some real opportunities to interact onscreen rather than piecing Osment’s performance together in the editing room as one sometimes has to do with child stars.

But the real heart of the film comes in the scenes between Cole and his working-class mother Lynn, played by Toni Collette. Shyamalan is often dismissed as being beholden to his twists, but in The Sixth Sense he creates original characters with very specific relationships, and this- not plot manipulation- is what drives the film. The relationship between Cole and Lynn is always completely convincing, not only because of the performances by Collette and Osment, but also because of the details Shyamalan injects into their scenes together. By the end of the movie, I legitimately cared about these people, and Shyamalan rewards this by saving their best scene for last, when Cole finally decides to confess his secret to his mother. Many of Shymalan’s later films have also attempted one last final tug at the heartstrings, but generally without the same emotional investment, which makes these scenes feel gratuitous at best, and laughable at worst. Perhaps if Shyamalan would put as much care into creating his characters as he would formulating his storylines, he might be able to capture the public’s imagination again the way he did with The Sixth Sense.

DVD Digest for June 3, 2008

Paul Clark — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

With Father’s Day coming in less than two weeks, the studios begin to unveil their snazzy new editions of what TNT used to call “movies for guys who like movies.” We’ve got all the manly movies you need to keep dad happy while mom and her friends are out seeing the Sex and the City movie (seriously, how did we not see that coming?).

Before Clint Eastwood became known as an Academy Award-winning filmmaker (or a guy who co-starred with an orangutan) he was first and foremost a grimacing badass. And while some- including yours truly- have a soft spot for his Man With No Name trilogy- the most enduring character from this period would also certainly be “Dirty” Harry Callahan. This week, Warner unveils new DVD and Blu-Ray editions of all five of Eastwood’s Dirty Harry films, featuring all of the features from previous DVD editions plus a number of new ones. Most notably, Warner Brothers’ box set (the films are also sold separately) includes a new feature-length documentary, Clint Eastwood: Out of the Shadows. In addition, the memorabilia included in the box set includes a 40-page hardcover book and a map of San Francisco detailing Harry’s hunt for Scorpio.

But if dad’s looking for wartime heroism (Blu-Ray only), MGM and Fox both have something that’ll fit the bill. MGM will unveil Blu-Ray editions of A Bridge Too Far and Battle of Britain this week, although these new discs will contain no special features. So if it’s tricked out Blu-Rays (and better movies) you want, go with Fox’s war DVDs. The studio will be releasing three of its classics- Patton, The Longest Day and The Sand Pebbles- exclusively on Blu-Ray, packed with special features and all the bells and whistles he could ever hope for.

But that’s not all, folks. If dad wants some laughs with his testosterone, buy him the new City Slickers: Collector’s Edition (MGM), which gives him some Western action, male bonding humor courtesy of Crystal, Kirby and Stern, and of course Jack Palance, who even in death can still crap bigger than you. Other, more recent dudely comedies releasing this week include Semi-Pro (New Line, also Blu-Ray), Vince Vaughn’s Wild West Comedy Show (Lionsgate), and for the father whose enjoyment of movies far outweighs his taste, Meet the Spartans (Fox, also Blu-Ray). And what’s a list of guy movies with James Bond? Sony will release a new three-disc edition of Casino Royale, Bond’s best big-screen adventure since the sixties (there, I said it).

Other new releases this week include: Anton Corbijn’s Ian Curtis biopic Control (Weinstein Company); the Jessica Alba remake of The Eye (Lionsgate, also Blu-Ray); Michael Caine and Demi Moore in Flawless (Magnolia); the long-delayed The Onion Movie (Fox); and Asia Argento just the way we like her (i.e. mostly naked and toting a gun) in Olivier Assayas’ Boarding Gate (Magnolia). The week’s most notable non-guy-movie old-school release is Jean-Jacques Beineix’s seminal Cinema du look classic Diva (Lionsgate). Finally, releasing on Blu-Ray only: Cloverfield (Paramount), Signs (Buena Vista), The Recruit (Buena Vista), There Will Be Blood (Paramount).