The Screengrab : jean-claude van damme

DVD Digest for April 28, 2009

Paul Clark — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 14:00:00 GMT

This week, Hollywood January-doldrums releases start finding their way to DVD, while the studios continue to flood the market with tie-ins to their upcoming summer blockbusters.

Hey, remember three months ago when Bride Wars (Fox, also Blu-Ray), Hotel for Dogs (Disney, also Blu-Ray), and The Uninvited (Paramount, also Blu-Ray) all got released in theatres? If not, they’ll all be hitting DVD today to remind you of their existence. Other recent releases hitting stores this week: Mark Ruffalo and Ethan Hawke in What Doesn’t Kill You (Sony, also Blu-Ray); Van Damme goes arthouse in JCVD (Peace Arch); Rod Lurie’s Valerie Plame-inspired drama Nothing But the Truth (Sony); and the documentary Stranded: I’ve come from a plane that crashed in the mountains (Zeitgeist), about the same plane crash that inspired the book and movie Alive.

This week’s biggest classics release is a pair of films from the great, controversial Japanese director Nagisa Oshima, In the Realm of the Senses (Criterion, also Blu-Ray) and Empire of Passion (Criterion). Both films, originally released during Oshima’s fertile mid-1970s period, will be released with plenty of extras, including documentaries, interviews, and even cut (sorry) scenes on the Realm disc. Also today, Criterion will be releasing a new edition of Stephen Frears’ British gangster drama The Hit, and Jim McBride’s semi-forgotten cult classic Glen and Randa (VCI) will hit stores as well.

New TV on DVD releases hitting stores today include: Seth McFarlane’s American Dad vol. 4 (Fox), and the animated series Marvel X-Men vol. 1 and vol. 2 (both Disney).

And just in time for their new big-screen counterparts to arrive in theatres, Star Trek: The Original Series vol. 1 (Paramount) and The Da Vinci Code (Sony) will arrive today in Blu-Ray only releases.

Finally, with this week’s Plot Synopsis of the Week, I’ve decided to spotlight something other than a Japanimation title this time. There are plenty of movies like Fox’s new direct-to-DVD feature Legally Blondes dumped into the market every week, but this one caught my attention mostly because it hits all the expected marks for a movie of this kind. It almost sounds like a parody. Don’t believe me? Check it out:

Elle Woods may have moved upward and onward through law school, but her pink and frilly spirit lives on in her young, adorable cousins Annabelle and Isabelle (Camilla and Rebecca Rosso). Fresh from England, the blond twosome assume their fashion savviness will help them make friends at their new California prep academy in no time flat. One can imagine their frizz-inducing horror, then, when they discover that their new place of learning is run by uniform-loving, junior-capitalist snobs! After the most influential students at school frame Anna and Izzy for a crime they didn’t commit, it’s up to the girls to prove not only their innocence but their capabilities. Reese Witherspoon presents this spin-off of the beloved franchise that helped make her a superstar. LEGALLY BLONDES is helmed by Savage Steve Holland, the quirky director of BETTER OFF DEAD and ONE CRAZY SUMMER.

Translation: Reese Witherspoon got sick of playing Elle Woods after installment #2, but she was still contracted for one more movie. So instead of shelling out to make her happy, we’ll have her “present” a cheapo version to polish off the trilogy, thereby allowing us to plaster her name in big letters above the title in order to fool those who don’t look too hard at the DVD boxes. No mention of siblings in the original films, but we can always do the “cousin” connection, since it worked for the American Pie spinoffs, right? The twist this time is that there are two of them- twins, even! No name twins, but what can you do? From there, the plot practically writes itself. Fish-out-of-water comedy, snobbish baddies, little dogs, and blonde jokes out the derriere! How could it miss? Oh, and why not get a comedy director from the eighties who needs the work?

See what I mean?

Precursors: Lionheart (1990)

Nick Schager — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:30:00 GMT

Underground street fighting proves an alluring profession for Channing Tatum in this Friday’s unimaginatively titled Fighting, but no matter how awesome it turns out to be, it’s hard to imagine it outshining the king of all brawlers, Lionheart. Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme at the beginning of his absolute peak – his career beginning its long downward spiral four years later with the insanely bad Street Fighter – Sheldon Lettich’s ‘90s action classic features the Muscles From Brussels as a French Foreign Legion soldier who deserts his post and heads to the Big Apple once he learns that his brother has been murdered by drug dealers. While searching for the killers, Van Damme teams up with an alcoholic (Harrison Page) who introduces him to the world of high-stakes street fighting, in which tough guys duke it out to the death for the entertainment of the rich and famous. Taking on opponents in a parking lot’s circle of cars and an empty swimming pool – matches that earn him dough to support his widowed sister-in-law (who naturally falls for him) and young niece – Van Damme predictably shows off his martial arts expertise, while also making time for his trademark gratuitous naked-ass shot. “Honor or revenge, he has no choice” reads the tagline. Neither do you, action film aficionados, but to rent this rock ‘em sock ‘em B-movie classic.

Precursors: "Street Fighter"

Nick Schager — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Anyone even remotely interested in this weekend’s Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is likely too busy mashing buttons playing the new Street Fighter 4 to actually spend time revisiting the videogame-turned-film saga’s first American installment. Nonetheless, for those who prefer their Street Fighter in cinematic form and/or adore big-screen fiascos, there are few entries in the Jean-Claude Van Damme canon that are funnier than 1994’s Street Fighter, in which the Muscles From Brussels attempts to breathe life into that icon of 2-D crew-cutted U.S. military might, Colonel Guile. Van Damme’s turn is typically cartoonish and one-note, which makes perfect sense given that he’s embodying an arcade game character with virtually no personality traits. Even by the actor’s low standards, though, there’s still something startlingly wooden about his attempts to approximate the flip-kicking Guile's trademark combat maneuvers. To be fair to the once-popular action star, though, the film’s level of unintentional hilarity wouldn’t be quite as high as it is were it not also for the participation of the late Raul Julia as last-level villain General Bison, a performance at once riotous for its over-the-top lameness (“For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday”) and depressing for its status as the ignominious end to Julia’s respected career.

(Note: If the following clip doesn’t move you, you may be dead inside):

Unwatchable #51: “Simon Sez”

Scott Von Doviak — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

Our fearless – and quite possibly senseless – movie janitor is watching every movie on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Join us now for another installment of Unwatchable.

A few years ago I was on a bus from Paris to Frankfurt, following a whirlwind 36-hour tour of the City of Lights. Gazing out the window at the French countryside should have been entertainment enough for our tour group, but no: we had an in-ride movie. It was an action movie called Double Team, and it starred Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dennis Rodman and Mickey Rourke. Appropriate, no? Van Damme is almost French after all, and they still loved Rourke in France for many years before his recent comeback.

Anyway, I don’t remember much about Double Team, but Wikipedia reminds me that Dennis Rodman played “a flamboyant arms dealer.” One thing I don’t recall thinking is that Rodman would have a long and successful film career. In fact, I very specifically remember not thinking that, and I think history has proved me right. The ex-basketball star’s sleepy-eyed brand of charisma may be an asset to the likes of Celebrity Apprentice, but his acting chops only served to make Van Damme look Brandoesque by comparison.

Nonetheless, Rodman did get a second chance at becoming the next Van Damme with Simon Sez, which I would charitably describe as an action comedy. Rodman plays the titular Simon, an ex-CIA operative now working for Interpol in France. (Apparently the European agency has a more lax dress code, allowing their agents to sport platinum blonde hair and multiple facial piercings and tattoos. I would think such an appearance might be a drawback on undercover missions, but I never went to spy school.) For reasons that eluded me, Simon is assisted by two monks, a wisecracking fat guy and a wisecracking black dude; they’re like the worst Abbot and Costello tribute show on earth.

That makes them a good match for the sorriest Jim Carrey substitute a SAG minimum salary could buy in 1999, Dane Cook. As Nick Miranda, Simon’s old classmate from Langley, Cook has clearly been given free reign to unleash his comic genius at will. He makes Wookie noises and Jurassic Park noises! He snaps off the one-liners in the midst of a high-speed car chase. (“These guys are like my college loan officers – they just keep comin’!” “Maybe he just wants some Grey Poupon!”) There is a satisfying moment when he falls off a fire escape into a garbage can and rolls down an alley, but it’s not enough to make up for his gruesome mistaken faith in his own talent and likeability.

Anyway, the plot has something to do with Rodman and Cook teaming up to rescue a rich man’s kidnapped daughter who is being held ransom for the disk full of CIA secrets Brad Pitt thought he’d found in Burn After Reading. Rodman’s vortex of bad acting takes over the rest of the cast, none of whom can make the typed-by-chimpanzee dialogue sound like words actual humans would say. The action sequences offer an array of gaffes and utter disregard for the laws of physics (I think I saw Rodman stopping for a sandwich as he fell from a 30-story window), but there is a quicksand sequence, which always cheers me up. (Unfortunately, Rodman rescues Cook before he completely disappears beneath the surface.)

The good news is that Simon Sez was rewarded with one of the worst opening weekends in history, debuting on 504 screens and taking in a miserable $185,472 total. The movie got what it deserved, and I don’t need to pile on any further. I will mention something you may have noticed: this is Unwatchable #51, which means we’ve made it halfway through the list and have 50 more to go. They bet against me! They said I’d never make it past #78! But I proved ‘em wrong! Tune in next week for a special first-half celebration of…Unwatchable!

Previously on Unwatchable:
52. In the Mix
53. Baby Geniuses
54. Meatballs 4
55. A*P*E
56. Araf

2008 in Review: Paul Clark's Favorite Movie Moments

Paul Clark — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Starting tomorrow, the writers of Screengrab will be unveiling their lists of the top 10 films of 2008. But before that begins, I’d like to post a different sort of list of highlights from the past year. For those of you who’ve only started reading recently, I used to write a bi-weekly column called “The Movie Moment,” in which I’d explore in depth some of my favorite scenes from movies both old and new. This past spring, I had to put the column on indefinite hiatus for various reasons, but I wanted to bring it back for this week only so I could celebrate some of my favorite Movie Moments of 2008. However, I had such a devil of time trying to narrow down my list that I’ve decided to simply list all of the moments that made me laugh out loud, cry like a baby, bite my nails uncontrollably, or which otherwise rocked my world this past year. This list is by no means meant to be taken as comprehensive, but merely were the moments which readily sprang to mind while I was writing the piece. So without further ado, I give you…

2008: The Year in Movie Moments:

(in no particular order)

The little boy’s confession notes- In Bruges

“No-no-no. I kill the bus driver.” - The Dark Knight

The security guard makes his rounds - Man on Wire

Sidney’s musical vows - Rachel Getting Married

The kiss that launched a thousand lens flares - Silent Light (only one of several transcendent moments in the film- the swimming-hole scene or the epic rainstorm might just as easily have qualified)

Mike’s late-night visit (or really, anytime Merle Haggard’s “Mama Tried” is played) - The Strangers

Peekaboo nudity - The Romance of Astrea and Celadon

Harry unveils the machine - Burn After Reading (honestly, who could possibly enjoy THAT?)

Madame Gaudens’ confession - A Girl Cut in Two

Incident at the race track - My Winnipeg

Most hilarious random line of the year: “When it comes to women, you’re Michael Jordan. I’m… Bill Laimbeer.” - Baghead

The new army suits up for battle - Role Models

Alex takes a shower - Paranoid Park

Brandi forgets her cell phone - Stuck

Black Kold Medina puts on a show - Trouble the Water

Runaway penguin - Encounters at the End of the World

Jung-rae Kim diagrams his neuroses - Woman on the Beach

Alex’s sex surprise, both inevitable and strangely erotic - XXY

The director’s big exit - Tropic Thunder

Most unlikely tearjerking moment of the year: Fred Knittle sings “Fix You”, Young@Heart

Three-way fist fight: Seth Rogen vs. James Franco vs. Danny McBride - Pineapple Express

The Richard McGuire segment - Fear(s) of the Dark

Ninjas! - In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (yes, really)

And finally, my five favorite openings and finales of the year:

Perfect openings: “Put on Your Sunday Clothes”, WALL*E; Sunrise, Silent Light; The piano, The Silence Before Bach; The Jean-Claude Van Damme Stunt Spectacular, JCVD; The Legend of Po, Kung Fu Panda

Great final scenes (no spoilers): Synecdoche, New York, The Duchess of Langeais, Shine a Light, The Visitor, Burn After Reading

I would invite all of you to share some of your favorites in the comments section. After all, I’m surely missing at least a couple of really good ones.

Steven Seagal Gets Real

Phil Nugent — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 21:00:00 GMT

In a rare development that outstrips my ability to make up goofy theories that might explain it, 2008 is threatening to be remembered as the year when all the washed-up action stars in Hollywood summoned their last remaining traces of testosterone for a concerted, multi-media assault on the fourth wall. First, Chuck Norris allowed Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee to prove that he, Huckabee, had a sense of humor, by using the uncomprehending but game Texas Ranger as an all-purpose punch line at rallies and in campaign ads. Then Jean-Claude Van Damme agreed to star, as a sadly diminished version of himself, in Mabrouk El Mechri's JCVD, currently on its knees begging for a cult in selected markets. (New York Times reviewer A. O. Scott hails it as "almost clever.") Now comes word that the logiest lummox of them all, the pony tail in search of a personality, Steve Seagal, will be starring in a new reality series on A & E. This surprising development raises many questions, the most pressing of which may be, just how many middle-aged Neanderthal hulks can one cable network afford to support? At least, that's probably the most pressing question now surging through the rickety brain of Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Steve Seagal: Lawman draws its central premise from Seagal's other life as "a fully commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish County Sheriff's Office", a position that Variety reports he has held "for nearly two decades", though he's got a lot more time to focus on that area of his life than he did back when the film career was something more than a punch line." One of his stints found him assisting with recovery efforts during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in 2005. Seagal, who broke the news on a British talk show, says that "I believe it's important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana - to see the passion and commitment that comes from the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in this post-Katrina environment." (Seagal also totes an ID proclaiming him to be an honorary official of the U.S. Customs Service. In what may be the most "late Elvis" move of his career, he once tried to use it to board a commercial airliner while packing a gun and had to have it explained to him what "honorary" means.) The series will also show "his life off the beat, including his musical and philanthropic activities in the Big Easy." (Seagal's musical and philanthropic activities, huh? Good luck doing enough of the one to make up for the other.) One thing that's not clear is whether doubling as a TV star and a bayou crime fighter will represent a break in Seagal's busy schedule. The star of Under Siege has appeared in more than twenty action movies that you haven't heard of--most of them direct-to-video timekillers--since 2001, and that's even if you don't count The Onion Movie. His new TV series isn't scheduled to hit the airwaves until 2009, so his most memorable appearance of this year will probably remain in an interview given by Sylvester Stallone, in which the leathery, sexagenarian steroid freak reminisced fondly about the time that Seagal ran away from Stallone's birthday party because he was afraid of Van Damme.

Related Stories: Fantastic Fest Review: "JCVD"

"Chuck Norris Doesn't Endorse, He Tells America How It's Gonna Be!"

Trailer Review: JCVD

Paul Clark — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:00:00 GMT

When it was announced that a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie was going to be playing at Toronto this year, it came as something of a surprise. Yet the reviews for JCVD were mostly positive, and I must say that this trailer is kind of a hoot. I suppose it was inevitable that the Muscles From Brussels would eventually make a movie that kids his image (what, doesn’t Double Team count?), but for something Van Damme would make this one looks pretty clever, a kind of Dog Day Afternoon meets Being John Malkovich, except, you know, with Van Damme. I suppose it helps that I watched all of JCVD’s “Classics” with my dad back in the day, so I’m pretty much the ideal audience member for this. But still, I’m actually looking forward to a Van Damme movie, for the first time in, well, ever.

Fantastic Fest Review: “JCVD”

Scott Von Doviak — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Baffled. Befuddled. Bewildered. That about sums up my experience watching JCVD, one of the most anticipated movies at this year’s Fantastic Fest. The advance buzz on the film was flush with comparisons to Being John Malkovich, but that’s a reach. Maybe it’s just that I’m not steeped in the minutiae of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s career, or there’s something about the Belgian sensibility that eludes me, but while it certainly has its moments, JCVD mainly left me scratching my head.

Van Damme himself stars as washed-up action star Jean-Claude Van Damme, embroiled in a custody suit in Los Angeles and hard up for cash. It’s been a long time since he headlined a Hollywood movie and now even the low-budget straight-to-DVD action roles are going to Steven Seagal instead. (“He promised to cut off his ponytail.”) Van Damme returns to Brussels, where he’s still regarded as a local hero. While attempting to arrange a wire transfer at the post office, he is taken hostage along with everyone else inside. Capitalizing on a misunderstanding, the real robbers use Van Damme as a front, making the police and his adoring fans believe that it is the action hero who has snapped and taken the hostages.

I guess this is a funny idea, but JCVD isn’t going strictly for laughs. There are moments played for comedy, as when one of the robbers prevails on Van Damme to perform the “kicking a cigarette out of a guy’s mouth” routine. But I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through the head of the Muscles from Brussels in more dramatic scenes, such as when his young daughter confesses she’s embarrassed by him. After the screening, I had to check out Van Damme’s Wikipedia page to assess whether the biographical information presented in the film had any basis in reality. It turns out much of it does; the actor had a drug problem in the mid-90s, and his marriage fell apart under allegations of spousal abuse (one area JCVD doesn’t get into, unsurprisingly).

Also per Wikipedia, “In the French-speaking world, Van Damme is well known for the picturesque aphorisms that he delivers on a wide range of topics (personal well-being, ecology, etc.) in a sort of Zen franglais. Most iconic and often quoted was his repeated use of the English word aware during an interview for a French channel, to convey the notion of self-awareness as a key to success.” This sheds some light on the movie’s most bizarre, yet oddly spellbinding sequence, a five-minute monologue Van Damme delivers in one unbroken take midway through the film. It’s a rambling self-examination, surely the most nakedly emotional moment of his career, but it doesn’t co-exist easily with the goofier elements of JCVD. Maybe this experience was therapeutic for him, but the question remains – at least for those of us who have never been fans: Who cares?

Related:
JCVD Universal Once Again
Fantastic Fest Review: "Fanboys"

Paul Clark Previews TIFF '08

Paul Clark — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Today marks the beginning of this year’s Toronto International Film Festival. Sadly, I won’t be covering the fest for Screengrab as I did last year, since various factors have made it impossible for me to make the trip again. However, I’m still looking forward to it in much the same way I did in the years before I actually got to go myself. I love hearing the buzz about the new movies- whether you’re in the market for Oscar-baity Hollywood fare, out-of-nowhere sleepers, or critical darlings, Toronto has plenty to chew on. Even this year, when a number of festival favorites (Hong Sang-soo, Lucretia Martel, Hayao Miyazaki, Erick Zonca, Fernando Eimbcke) are mysteriously missing from the TIFF slate, there’s still a lot to look forward to there. Bearing in mind that I prefer to skip movies that are getting released in the forseeable future, here are eleven movies that I would make the greatest effort to see at TIFF, in no particular order:

Che- there are other films here I’m more eagerly anticipating, but of all the movies playing at Toronto, Che feels most like an event, particularly the 4 1/2 –hour screening of both segments of the film. Most big-ticket directors come with films that have studio backing, but Che is still seeking a distributor, and since there’s no telling when it’s going to be released in theatres, this festival season may be the last chance for it to be seen in a long time.

A Christmas Tale- a few weeks ago, I declared Arnaud Desplechin’s new movie to be one of my most-anticipated films of the fall, and even though this is allegedly coming out in limited release in December, given the choice of seeing it earlier, I don’t think I could wait. Besides, it’d be a way to ensure I see it in time for certain year-end awards.

Of Time and the City- after eight years trying to get projects off the ground, the great Terence Davies surprised cinephiles by premiering a new film at Cannes. Buzz on his latest, a documentary about Liverpool, was fairly muted, but no matter- a new Davies is always cause for celebration.

35 Shots of Rum- Claire Denis is one of the most gifted filmmakers working today, with a winning streak that’s even longer than Pixar’s. I haven’t disliked any of her features to date, and Venice buzz from her latest indicates this will be a worth addition to her already-impressive filmography.

Wendy and Lucy- after the critical success of 2006’s Old Joy, the talented Kelly Reichardt returns with a new film starring Michelle Williams and her dog. Here’s hoping that the presence of recognizable name in the cast will bring Reichardt’s films a new level of visibility.

Lorna’s Silence- word from Cannes was that the latest film from Luc and Jean-Pierre Dardenne was something of a departure from celebrated recent work like The Son and The Child. As much as I love those movies, I’m also eager to see what else they can do. Aw, who am I kidding? I’d follow these guys anywhere.

Three Monkeys- a far cry from the Western rip-offs most people associate with Turkish cinema, Nuri Bilge Ceylan is a genuine visionary whose films have made him perhaps the most important filmmaker in his home country. After Distant and Climates, Three Monkeys should only confirm this status.

Summer Hours- considering all the world-class directors she’s worked with, it’s sort of surprising that Juliette Binoche hasn’t starred in a film by her countryman Olivier Assayas. This film has been compared with Assayas’ lovely 1998 film Late August, Early September, which is enough to get me excited to see it.

Still Walking- with his first two fiction features, Japanese filmmaker Hirokazu Kore-eda made two masterpieces- Maborosi and After Life. And while none of his subsequent projects has been up to that rarefied level, his 2004 film Nobody Knows is proof that he’s still got plenty of creative juice left in him.

The Beaches of Agnès- some filmmakers find their styles becoming more mainstream as they get older, but not French New Wave veteran Agnès Varda. Her latest essay film should be as chock full of dotty humor as her previous efforts Ydessa, the Bears and I… and The Gleaners and I.

JCVD- the typical pitch I’ve seen for this is Being Jean-Claude Van Damme. With that premise, how could it NOT be awesome?

And since I won’t be covering the festival, here are some links to some cool cats who will be:

Noel Murray and Scott Tobias at the always-indispensible Onion AV Club
Screengrab favorite Mike D’Angelo
Quote identifying machine Victor Morton
Cyprus correspondent Theo Panayides
Self-described Academic Hack Michael Sicinski
The tireless Jeremy Heilman
Honest-to-goodness AMPAS member Ken Rudolph
The good Doctor Girish Shambu
Of course you all know to check out Greencine Daily, Cinematical, and IndieWire. And whether you’re heading to Toronto or simply watching from the sidelines, enjoy the festival.

White Elephants on Parade

Paul Clark — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:00:00 GMT

April Fool's Day is traditionally a day for pranks and other oddball behavior, but to Benjamin Lim and his readers, it's all about criticism. Ben, who writes for the site Lucid Screening, is hosting the White Elephant Blogathon for the second time this year. Starting tomorrow morning and continuing throughout the day, writers from all over the blogosphere- including yours truly- will be contributing reviews to the cause.

And not just any reviews, either. The blogathon was inspired by the idea of a white elephant gift exchange, in which the participants exchange crappy gifts for fun. Ben's incarnation is like that, but with movies. In Ben's words, "the intention of the blogathon is that people will suggest really horrible movies which will then be given an overly serious reading by the person it was assigned to."

The impetus behind Ben's brainchild came from his friendship with Andrew Hedden, another of Lucid Screening's writers. Having worked together since high school, they've written a lot of reviews of films both serious and goofy, and according to Ben, "in March of 2006 he and I thought it would be fun to do serious review of silly movies again and we ended up writing about The Garbage Pail Kids Movie and a little known classic called No Retreat, No Surrender. The GPKM review went on to get published in Bright Lights Film Journal and my NRNS review is a popular search result when Googling 'Jean Claude Van Damme' and 'Vagina' together. A year later we decided to do something fun for April fools day again except we wanted to get more people involved. Over the previous winter, I had participated in a white elephant gift exchange while at work and it just hit me one day that the two would work brilliantly together." And like that, the White Elephant Blogathon was born.

So the goal here is basically to write pompously about really terrible movies, right? In Ben's experience, it's not that simple. "The submissions range from movies that most people will agree are pretty awful to some that are generally well respected films that the submitter just hated. It's a pretty fun mixture of films and it might even yield some previously unknown treasures for people that are always on the lookout for a good bad film."

Ben's keeping mum about most of this year's entries except to say that "there are multiple Hulk Hogan films and a Turkish remake of an American classic." But if you'd like to get an idea of what we participants are up against, check out the selection of last year's films. Quite an esoteric mix, if I do say so myself. Ben is especially high on his colleague Andrew's piece on Troll 2, which he says "cemented his place in the pantheon of pretentious criticism of bad films."

Ben's right about the Google thing, by the way. Try it and see!

So what cinematic gift was bestowed upon me by the White Elephant? Tune in tomorrow morning and find out!

New Street Fighter Movie Cast

Peter Smith — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 20:30:00 GMT

One of the great cinematic experiences of my life was seeing Street Fighter: The Movie in theaters back in 1994. Rather than try to describe the thrill, I'll just suggest you watch this clip:

Besides being one of the best bad movies of all time, Street Fighter has the distinction of having embarrassed poor ol' Raul Julia to death. Fourteen years later, the videogame franchise isn't as popular as it was in the '90s, but with two new games on the horizon, the brand's poised for a rebirth, which must be why they're trampling on sacred ground with a new Street Fighter movie. Smallville's Kristen Kreuk takes the lead as Chun-Li (Ming-Na Wen in the original, far from The Joy Luck Club); the cast also includes Michael Clark Duncan, Neal McDonough, Chris Klein and "Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas." No word on who'll supplant Jean-Claude Van Damme as All-American flag-waver Guile, but we hope it's someone with an equally heavy French accent. For more comic Street Fighter goodness, be sure to check out CollegeHumor.com's spectacular web series, Street Fighter: The Later Years. If it's all lost on you, you may be my mother, who once wondered aloud why no one would make a game called Street Poet II.

Take Five: Belgium!

Leonard Pierce — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Opening wide this weekend, Martin McDonagh's In Bruges stars Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson as a pair of exiled hitmen stuck in the Belgian city until it's safe for them to return home, and their sojourn is meant to be hellish in every sense of the word. Belgium has long been Europe's punchline — yes, even more so than Poland; its stolidly middle-class character and reputation as "where culture goes to nap" makes it the butt of many a joke. David Rees of Get Your War On calls the sixteenth-century seer Nostradamus "the last interesting Belgian", which insult is all the more cutting considering he was actually French; and in a memorable Monty Python sketch, game show contestants are challenged to come up with a derogatory term for Belgium, and one noteworthy entrant claims that he can't think of anything more derogatory than just "Belgian". But all kidding aside, if you actually were trapped in Bruges for a prolonged period of time, you could do a lot worse as a way to pass the time than to head for the local cinema. Belgium has, er, sprouted one of the more interesting independent film scenes in Europe recently, and as this short list of some of our favorite Belgian movies of recent years should illustrate, there's a lot more to Belgian filmmaking than just Jean-Claude Van Damme.

MAN BITES DOG (1992)

One of the first Belgian films to create a great deal of buzz outside of Europe, Man Bites Dog (the French title translates, creepily, to "It Happened in Your Neighborhood" or "He is Coming to Your House") is a postmodern twist on the serial killer narrative a good five to ten years before such things became trendy. Anticipating the self-aware American horror films of the 2000s, it follows a small documentary camera crew as they tag along with Ben (played with sinister charm by co-writer/director Benoit Poelvoorde), a disconcertingly media-savvy mass murderer. Crammed with supremely disturbing moments, shocking violence, and genuinely clever moments of humor, Man Bites Dog has held up quite well and is still better than most of the films it undoubtedly helped to inspire.

D'EST [FROM THE EAST] (1993)

One of the best things about Belgian cinema is the experimental filmmaker Chantal Akerman. Her complex, meditative, sometimes almost motionless films lull you into a nearly placid state so that you barely realize it when a moment of epiphany arises. D'Est, a far too little-seen documentary from 1993, is perhaps her greatest film: a deceptively simple series of images of people in Eastern Europe, many of them only a few years removed from the burdens of Soviet rule, are shown. The people take vacations, engage in sport and play, have long moments of leisure, and Akerman's brilliantly photographic sensibilities capture long stretches of beautiful simplicity over a period of almost two hours. The effect is not unlike watching a well-crafted painting slowly mutate into something entirely new and different.

LUMUMBA (2000)

Director Raoul Peck is a Haitian; the film takes place in Africa, and the production itself was a joint effort of Belgium, France, Germany, and Haiti. But almost all of the filming was done in Belgium, the majority of the financing came from there, and in a greater sense, the entire film is a legacy of Belgium's blood-soaked imperial past. The radical reformer Patrice Lumumba (brilliantly portrayed here by Eriq Ebouaney), prior to his assassination, was the ruler of the Congo, a huge country in central Africa that suffered more than most during its colonial period thanks to an incredibly brutal occupation and exploitation by Belgium's King Leopold. The film was an independent success, and a testament to the fact that some countries are more willing to examine their colonial legacies than others.

ANY WAY THE WIND BLOWS (2002)

If Tom Barman's sprawling 2002 film, based in and around the port city of Antwerp, isn't one of the best Belgian movies in recent history, it's at least one of the most ambitious, and definitely one of the oddest. Part travelogue, part documentary, part music video (and showcase for the director, who's also a well-known local pop star), and part bizarre remake/interpretation/'homage' to movies like Short Cuts, Magnolia and Pulp Fiction, Any Way the Wind Blows features a diverse group of French and Flemish citizens, all from different backgrounds and with widely different characters, who all wind up, through a rambunctious and chronoligically confusing narrative, at the same party on the same night. It functions almost like a collage of several more convincingly made films, but it's not without its charm.

THE ALZHEIMER CASE(2003)

When you first hear De Zaak Alzheimer described, you think it can't possibly be anything but a tasteless, awful disaster: it's about a pair of detectives attempting to track down and capture a mob hitman on his final assignment — final because he has an advanced case of Alzheimer's Disease. Amazingly enough, though, director Erik Van Looy manages to pull the thing off without recourse to depressingly tasteless jokes or maudlin sentimentality. Instead, he presents us with a surprisingly plausible plot, a tight, chilling narrative with plenty of suspense, and a nicely presented noir sensibility. An American remake of this movie (which played at festivals under the name The Memory of a Killer) is in the works, but if you can hunt down a DVD copy of the original, it's well worth checking out on its own merits.

Le Bon Temps Roule!

Phil Nugent — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:00:00 GMT

It's Fat Tuesday, which marks the noisy, beer-stained conclusion to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Sadly, most of you who visit this site are trapped at your jobs or classrooms right now, and while we could address ourselves exclusively to those now celebrating in the Pelican State, most of them are probably too drunk to read. We'll just settle for mentally sending them some love rays and hope those in the French Quarter remember that as soon as the clock turns to twelve tonight, those nice policemen on horseback whose job it is to clear the streets will start unsheathing their billy clubs. For the rest of you, we'll just remind you that there have been a number of motion pictures that tried to tap into the mysterious beauty and happy vibe of the city that care forgot. Most of these movies stank like week-old gumbo, but here's a few that might make for an enjoyable carnival day rental:

PANIC IN THE STREETS (1950)

This thriller starts out on the New Orleans docks, where a tough named Blackie (played by a hulking, gaunt-featured newcomer to movies billed as "Walter Jack Palance") murders a guy who's fresh off the boat who looks as if he's only got about five minutes to live anyway. When the coroner confirms that the dead man was suffering from pneumonic plague, Richard Widmark (as a U.S. Public Health officer) and a cop played by Paul Douglas have to track down Palance, his whimpering sidekick Zero Mostel, and anyone else who may have been in contact with him, while keeping things quiet so as to prevent a panic. The director, Elia Kazan, who a year later would make one of the great movies set in New Orleans when he transferred Tennesee Williams's A Streetcar Named Desire to film, shot this movie in actual New Orleans locations, which means that, in addition to its virtues as a crackerjack entertainment — which are considerable — it also has the fascination of serving as a semi-documentary record of the city as it was more than half a century ago. Fun fact: shortly after directing Mostel in this picture, Kazan testified against him in front of the House Un-American Activities Committee, thus helping to get the actor blacklisted.

HARD TIMES (1975)

This period piece, set during the Depression, was the first film directed by its screenwriter, Walter Hill. It's a vehicle for Charles Bronson, in what is almost certainly the best movie and probably the best performance of his '70s period as a top-billed international star; he plays a soft-spoken drifter who falls in with a gambler (James Coburn) and begins competing in bare-knuckle fistfights that are thrown together to give the locals something to bet on. You get a sense of what the leisurely pace of life does to you in New Orleans from this film: for an action movie, it has a unusually slow tempo, as if Hill were a little drunk on the atmosphere and needed to take care to remember to keep putting his next foot in front of the other in the right order. But it's so flavorful and lovingly crafted that it's never boring. Strother Martin, who wears a white suit and a moustache that make him look more than ever like Tennessee Williams's Mini-Me, plays Coburn's sidekick, who tends Bronson's wounds; he explains his unlicensed medical status by saying that "in the fourth year of my studies, a small black cloud appeared on the campus. I departed under it." (The young Becky Allen, a mainstay of New Orleans theater for many years, has a small, good appearance as his dinner date.)

Eighteen years later, another talented action director, John Woo, would come to New Orleans to shoot his first American film, Hard Target, starring Jean-Claude Damme (as "Chance Boudreaux"), who stumbles across an operation, led by Lance Henriksen, to organize The Most Dangerous Game-style hunts of displaced homeless men on the streets of the city. At one point, Henriksen tells someone that "it's no accident we're in New Orleans... There's always some unhappy corner of the globe where we can ply our trade." So I guess the filmmakers deserve some kind of credit for not sucking up to the local Tourist Board. Oddly enough, this was not the first movie that tried to account for Van Damme's Belgian accent by insisting that his character was supposed to be a Cajun.

THE BIG EASY (1986)

This fast-talking crime movie is one that New Orleans itself has always had a love-hate relationship with. It's a cartoon of the city's image, complete with crooked cops, weird accents (the hero, a detective played by Dennis Quaid, is meant to be Cajun-Irish), and such lines as, "Who do I look like, the Grand Marshall of the Mardi Gras?" But on its own endearingly unambitious terms, it's often a fun cartoon, with a memorable little turn-on of a bedroom scene between Quaid and Ellen Barkin (who, when Quaid sticks his hand up her skirt, unrolls her smile as if she'd been wondering all her life what was in there), and funny turns by Lisa Jane Persky, Grace Zabriskie, and local icon John Goodman. There's even a brief appearance (as an inexplicably surly magnet salesman) by Peter Gabb, who starred in a Tulane University production of John Guare's The House of Blue Leaves in which this writer played a nun, a performance hailed by one critic as having been "worth trying, I guess." This movie is especially worth seeing for Charles Ludlam's appearance as Quaid's lawyer, identified at one point as "da man dat got da governor acquitted." Ludlam, the founder of New York's Ridiculous Theatrical Company, was a god in his own specialized field of high-camp, Pop Art theatrical farce, but he didn't leave behind much on film, and by the time The Big Easy opened, he had died of AIDS. Though Ludlam was a Yankee, his joyously broad, eye-rolling cameo specifically captures the kind of fun that blossoms in New Orleans like few things I've ever seen.

TUNE IN TOMORROW... (1990)

This one's really freaky, and definitely a matter of taste. Fans of hardcore silliness will find a lot in it to like. Even its bloodlines are surreal: the screenplay, by the British novelist William Boyd (An Ice Cream War; A Good Man in Africa), is based on Mario Vargas Llosa's Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter, which was set in Lima, Peru in the 1950s, but with the action shifted to New Orleans in the same period. It was directed by Jon Amiel, a British TV and movie director who was then fairly hot after coming off the Dennis Potter-scripted miniseries The Singing Detective, and who was on his way, after this film came out, to never being fairly hot again. It stars Peter Falk as "Pedro Carmichael", a radio soap-opera writer who takes a creatorly interest in the forbidden romance developing between hot-blooded man-child Keanu Reeves and the ripe, womanly Barbara Hershey. The movie, which really takes off in the sections where Pedro's radio show fantasies are acted out by a group of actors that includes Peter Gallagher, Elizabeth McGovern, Dan Hedaya (in an eyepatch), Hope Lange, Buck Henry, and local embarrassment John Larroquette, also features a terrific original score by Wynton Marsalis, who can be seen performing with his band in a nightclub sequence. If you ever get the chance, give it a shot: it sure won't remind you of much else that you've seen before.

The Ten Worst Medical Breakthroughs in Movie History, Part 1

Phil Nugent — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 21:30:00 GMT

This weekend marks the opening of The Eye, starring Jessica Alba as a blind young woman who regains her sight thanks to corneal transplant surgery. Unfortunately, this happy situation brings her to grief when her new peepers start feeding her frightening, apocalyptic visions. If the plot sounds familiar, if may be because The Eye is a remake of a 2002 Hong Kong film by the Pang brothers. But it might also have something to do with the fact that, from the 1960 French horror classic Eyes Without a Face to more recent films such as the 1991 Body Parts (itself based on a French novel called Choice Cuts), it's easy to think of other movies where experimental transplant surgery has had unhappy side effects for the lucky beneficiary. (Steven Spielberg's first professional directing gig was "Eyes", one of the segments of the 1969 pilot for the horror anthology series Night Gallery, in which the fates play a cruel joke on a nasty eye transplant patient, played by Joan Crawford.) Although a great many movie doctors have plied their trade wisely and humanely, saving many fake lives in the process, it's still true that there have been a great many ambitious medical breakthroughs in the movies that have yielded questionable results, and worse. To wit:

THE INCREDIBLE TWO-HEADED TRANSPLANT (1971)

Case in point. This low-budget horror movie really nails the potential dangers of reckless and unregulated transplant surgery. Or maybe it really nails the potential dangers of giving Bruce Dern a medical license. Dern plays an unprincipled, deranged — dare we say, Dernesque — mad genius who's squatting out in the desert, idly sticking extra heads on raccoons. When a drooling, murderous sex maniac stops by to ask Dern how's tricks, our hero sees his chance and grafts the head of this leering cretin onto the oversized body of the pure-hearted village half-wit. It turns out that the pervert, by virtue of his stronger will and general alpha maleness, gains control of the shared body, a development that leads to scenes where helpless innocents are killed and molested by the monster, scenes that are intercut with close-ups of the actor playing the meanie resting his head on the shoulder of the actor playing the sweet idiot; the latter moans, rolls his eyes, and generally registers his disapproval, while the former sniggers and makes Billy Idol faces. Dern and his creation are destroyed at the end of the movie, but a year later, some exploitation film scientists who somehow got ahold of his notes grafted Ray Milland's head onto the body of Rosey Grier in The Thing with Two Heads. It can easily be distinguished from this movie because the scientists who perform the operation on Grier and Milland do not have a concerned best friend played by Casey Kasem.

JUNIOR (1994)

For some of us, the disappointments related to this Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle began with the news that he was not playing the Peter Bagge comics character of the same name. Instead, the future Governor of California plays a gynaecological scientist (check) who specializes in fertilization medication (double check) who, in order to draw attention to the effectiveness of his new super-drug, doses himself with progesterone, estrogen, and his own meds, has an egg that's been fertilized with his own sperm implanted in his abdominal cavity, and conceives a child which he then decides to carry to term, because it will make him a better person (with you so far), much as cross-dressing did for Dustin Hoffman. The fellow scientist who anonymously supplies the egg is played by Emma Thompson, who comes to love Arnold and looks forward to raising the child with him — and that's where I get off the boat. It should be noted that Schwarzenegger was not the first man to give birth in a Hollywood comedy; the same thing happened to Billy Crystal in the 1977 Rabbit Test which comprises the entirety of Joan Rivers's directing career. But that movie made no attempt to explain or justify its plot scientifically: Crystal's pregnancy was best explained as a miracle, though Crystal probably thinks that the only miracle related to Rabbit Test is the fact that he was ever able to find work again.

THEY SAVED HITLER’S BRAIN (1963)

If saving the brain of a man widely considered to be history’s greatest monster doesn’t count as the very definition of a bad application of medical technology. Worse still, they don’t just save Hitler’s brain — they save his whole head, so we don’t even get any respite from that annoying push-broom ‘stache of his. No, he just sits there, looking as evil as a stand-in who doesn’t actually look all that much like Hitler can possibly look, burbling around in his jar, waiting for someone to invent Futurama and hatching many a nefarious scheme. By the time this movie came out, Hitler was well on his way to becoming less a sinister historical figure and more of a Dr. Octopus type, a comic-opera supervillain trotted out every time someone wrote a cheap take-over-the-world screenplay. And screenplays don’t come any cheaper than the one in this doozy, which is actually two almost completely unrelated movies (check out the different hairstyles, car models, even film stock from scene to scene) crammed together and broadcast more or less as a TV timefiller in the mid-‘60s. Not since the Golden Age of Ed Wood have there been so many bad special effects, so much terrible acting, so many egregious continuity errors. We here at the Screengrab don’t pretend to be experts on the psychology of Adolf Hitler, and we certainly don’t say this to excuse the man or his lifetime of evil deeds, but we feel quite certain that if someone did bring his head back to life in the confines of an electrified jar, that disembodied, unholy head in a jar could make a better movie than this.

FLATLINERS (1990)

Flatliners was meant to be an intelligent, provocative, moody thriller that blurred the line between good and evil. Unfortunately, they gave it to Joel Schumacher to direct, and so it instead turned out to be yet another object lesson in the ongoing saga of Schumacher’s incredible ability to destroy anything with which he is even remotely involved. In the film, a bunch of medical students decide to take a break from getting drunk and complaining to subject themselves to clinical death in order to determine if stories of what lie beyond the veil of mortality are really true. Each time, they experience more and more of the other side before being resuscitated; and each time, they become whinier and poutier until Kevin Bacon, In his most Judd Nelsonish performance to date, starts bitching and moaning to a stained glass window like it was his mom and it had just told him he was grounded on prom night. Indeed, while the characters in the film channel the eerie experiences of a world beyond death, the actors who play them – including Bacon, Julia Roberts, and a delightfully pissy Kiefer Sutherland – do an amazing job of channeling the relentless unpleasantness of the Brat Pack. We won’t give anything away for those who have yet to see this misbegotten pile of Schumakings, but rest assured, it won’t be long that you’ll be praying for the entire cast to die for real.

UNIVERSAL SOLDIER (1992)

It is a little-known but nonetheless completely true fact that sometime after the Vietnam War, the United States military developed secret technology that would allow them to bring dead people back to life and turn them into ultra-efficient, superhuman robotic killing machines. Unfortunately, the technology only seemed to work on heavily muscled men of northern European origin, which is how we ended up sending both Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme to the Persian Gulf to blow up terrorists. There were practical reasons not to use these two (they are both terribly bad actors, and at times, the screen threatens to fold in on itself like a quantum singularity at the sheer blankness of their personalities) as well as psychological ones (if you’re going to send two ultra-efficient, superhuman robotic killing machines on a top secret mission together, why would you pick two guys who hated each other so much that they essentially murdered each other the last time they were paired up), but none of that makes any difference when there’s towelhead ass to be kicked, so off they go on one of the most overblown, ridiculous 1980s action movies to not actually be made in the 1980s. Apparently, the medical technology that allows people to be brought back from the dead and turned into murderous cyborgs can do nothing to prevent their tendency to smirk, pose shirtless, and make terrible puns at the drop of a hat, which is probably why the program was ultimately abandoned. This rank cheeseball of a picture was directed by Roland Emmerich, who would later inflict such god-awful stinkbombs as Independence Day and the 1999 Godzilla remake on the world. How anyone could sit through Universal Soldier and come out of it thinking “You know what that guy needs is a MUCH BIGGER BUDGET” is itself a medical miracle.

DEEP BLUE SEA (1999)

Many of the medical breakthroughs on this list are included because they're just plain inexplicable. After all, who in his right mind would think grafting a second head onto a human body constitutes scientific progress? But there is a different strain of movies of this sort, in which the researchers' goals are admirable but the experiments themselves are misguided at best. Perhaps the best example of this kind of movie is Renny Harlin's Deep Blue Sea. Now, anyone who has ever lost a loved one to Alzheimer's Disease will be sympathetic to the aims of the project headed by Saffron Burrows' Dr. Susan McCallister. But when she discovers that sharks maintain a constant level of brain activity even in advanced age, she hits upon the brilliant crazy-ass idea of creating giant mutant sharks with giant mutated brains that she can harvest in the hope of finding a cure. Trouble is, she neglects to give the sharks a healthy, socially productive outlet for their increased mental capacities, no doubt because with all the time her research demands, she has no time left to teach her subjects underwater chess or to translate Proust into shark language. So the giant mutant geniussharks do what giant mutant genius sharks are prone to doing- they escape and chow down on all nearby humans, most memorably the project's chief investor, played by Samuel L. Jackson. Happily, the sharks go down in the end, a setback for Alzheimer's research but a victory for human mental superiority. How else to explain the genius-fish being vanquished by the likes of LL Cool J and the future star of Homeless Dad?

— Paul Clark, Phil Nugent, Leonard Pierce

Click here for Part 2!

If This Doesn't Get Eli Roth a Nobel Peace Prize, Nothing Will

Phil Nugent — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 19:00:00 GMT

A paper by two University of California economics researchers, Gordon Dahl and Stefano DellaVigna, suggests that violent movies may be doing their bit to lower crime. (The two unveiled their findings at the annual meeting of the American Economic Association, held, fittingly enough, in New Orleans, which crime stats recently re-confirmed as the murder capital of the United States.) It's always struck some as an iffy supposition that violent fantasies might warp the minds of those whose minds weren't already inclined at least a little in that direction. At the core of Dahl and DellaVigna's argument is the simple enough idea that violence is most likely to be committed by people of a violent nature, who are already prone to enjoy seeing make-believe violence done unto others. Therefore, the more time these charmers spend watching violent movies, the less time they're going to be out looking for heads to bust. As Peter S. Goodman summarizes in The New York Times, violent movies attract "would-be assailants and keeping them cloistered in darkened, alcohol-free environs. Instead of fueling up at bars and then roaming around looking for trouble, potential criminals pass the prime hours for mayhem eating popcorn and watching celluloid villains slay in their stead." Or, as Professor DellaVigna puts it, “It’s not as if these people watching violent movies would otherwise be home reading a book.”

It could be argued that there is an element of class snobbery in the professors' attitudes, which seems to put a lot of weight on the assumption that the audience for slasher pictures and action flicks is made up disproportionately of mean blue-collar drunks in wifebeaters. (On the other hand, I'm not sure I'd want to swear on a Bible that a Jean-Claude Van Damme festival would be the worst place in the world to find a bunch of blue-collar drunks. You know, I'm just sayin'.) Its reasoning also moved one "expert", a member of the Parents Television Council, to use the technical term "somewhat goofy." At least the profs can't be accused of trying to rationalize their own leisure time viewing; Dahl "recently purchased a DVD player that strips out brutal or sexual images" and says of violent movies, “I don’t like how I feel when I watch them.” He doesn't let his own kids watch them, either. If it turns out that the professor is raising his own little pack of Visigoths, he won't be able to say that he didn't warn himself.

Van Damme: A Tribute

Peter Smith — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:00:00 GMT

Jean-Claude Van Damme just turned forty-seven or ninety-four, depending on whether you subscribe to Nugent's Law, which states that anyone who's starred as identical twin brothers in a movie has to age for both of them. To celebrate the occasion, one of our favorite party planners, Grady Hendrix, pays appropriate tribute to the birthday boy in Slate. "Jean-Claude Van Damme started out in life as a baby, which was tremendously frustrating for him because babies are, by their very nature, skinny and weak. In adolescence, a thick pair of enormous glasses were added to the equation, and in photos of him at this age he looks like an annoyed duck. Finally, his dad couldn't take it anymore and enrolled him in karate classes. Jean-Claude trained fanatically, took up bodybuilding, and then, realizing that he would never be as big as the other karate students, he trumped them by becoming more flexible, and he took up ballet." From there it was a hop, skip, and a pirouette to movies, though some might say that, as an actor, Kid Flexible has a limited range: "Jean-Claude has three expressions: worried, charming, and doing a split. Of the three, doing a split is the most convincing." — Phil Nugent

Morning Deal Report: Snikt.

Peter Smith — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 15:00:00 GMT

The Wolverine movie has a full title (X-Men Origins: Wolverine) and a villain — Liev Schreiber, in a younger version of the role Brian Cox played in X-Men 2. Call me a naysayer, but I think the fun of the X-Men movies (well, X-Men 2 anyway — the other two weren't much fun anyway) was the ensemble. Sure, Hugh Jackman was good, but, well, we'll see.

Looks like the long-rumored Untouchables prequel will be Brian De Palma's next movie.

Uh, they're remaking Timecop. Well, there's room for improvement. (No disrespect, of course, to the Muscles from Brussels. . .)

— Peter Smith