The Screengrab : 10000 bc

Morning Deal Report: Soderbergh Plays Moneyball

Scott Von Doviak — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 15:00:00 GMT

Happy Truck Day! With pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training in a matter of days, there’s no better time for Steven Soderbergh to announce his umpteen-zillionth project in development, Moneyball. Soderbergh is adapting the nonfiction baseball classic by Michael Lewis that “focuses on Billy Beane, the general manager of the Oakland Athletics who used a sophisticated computer analysis system to piece together a team that regularly contended for the World Series despite a payroll dramatically lower than such big-market rivals as the New York Yankees,” Variety reports. Brad Pitt is lined up to play Beane, and Joe Morgan has already vowed not to see the movie. We assume.

If there are two more romantic words than “The Baster,” I can’t imagine what they’d be. Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman are set to star in the romantic comedy from Blades of Glory co-directors Will Speck and Josh Gordon. Per The Hollywood Reporter, “Bateman and Aniston will play best friends Wally and Kassie. When Wally learns that Kassie plans to become pregnant through artificial insemination, he replaces the donor's semen with his own and must live with the secret that he is the father of her child.” Ick.

Al Pacino already has King Lear on his schedule, so why not make it a double and play King Herod as well? Pacino and Jessica Lange are in talks to join the cast of Mary, Mother of Christ, which is something my dad would say when he’d hit his thumb with a hammer. “Camilla Belle (10,000 BC) will star as the titular character and will be joined by Jonathan Rhys Meyers in the dual roles of Gabriel and Lucifer and Peter O'Toole as Symeon,” Variety reports.

Related:
Soderbergh Does Liberace
Pacino Finds New Role Involving Lots of Yelling

Vulturing the Worst Movies of 2008

Scott Von Doviak — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Last week I weighed in with my top 10 unwatchables of 2008. When it comes to terrible movies, I feel my credentials are impeccable. And yet the New York magazine culture blog Vulture failed to contact me when compiling their critics’ survey of the worst movies 2008 had to offer. Still, I am willing to overlook this slight, since all of us who endured The Love Guru are part of one traumatized brother-and-sisterhood. “But what about the awful films of 2008? Who will remember them? The Shyamalanian disasters, the failed epics, the oeuvre of Al Pacino? Who will tell us which, of the 300-plus films shat out by Hollywood this year, was truly the most awful?... We've undertaken the most comprehensive survey of crappy movies ever, contacting dozens of major critics and asking them for their least-favorite stinkers, turkeys, botches, catastrophes, and fiascoes.”

The list is amusing enough, but it’s the critics’ comments that make this exercise truly worthwhile. Carina Chocano on Speed Racer: “Was any other movie of the year as likely to provoke grand mal seizures in viewers while simultaneously putting them to sleep?” Matt Zoller Seitz on Strange Wilderness: “This inexplicably self-satisfied non-movie was half-assed even by stoner-comedy standards, and it transformed its versatile, self-deprecating star, Steve Zahn, into a snide boor.” Michael Sragow of the Baltimore Sun: “Was 10,000 BC this year? If not, could we fit it in by going by the Hebraic or Eastern Orthodox calendars?”

What I’ve learned from this list is that I’m going to have to subject myself to Seven Pounds sooner or later. (“One of the most transcendently, eye-poppingly, call-your-friend-ranting-in-the-middle-of-the-night-just-to-go-over-it-one-more-time crazily awful motion pictures ever made,” A.O. Scott gushes.) Let’s make it later.

Related:
Film Threat Unveils Frigid 50 of 2008
The Most Unnecessary Movies of 2007

DVD Digest for June 24, 2008

Paul Clark — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

This week brings the release of several new Criterions, the latest DVD from a blogosphere favorite, and a box-set tribute to a late, great British director.

For many DVD fans, this is the week that Criterion releases Anthony Mann’s The Furies and Milcho Manchevski’s Before the Rain in stories. But while both of these titles are certainly worthy, the new DVD that most interests me this week is actually Zeitgeist’s Derek Jarman Glitterbox, containing four of the maverick filmmaker’s works. The best-known title in the box is his 1986 film Caravaggio, which features early performances from Sean Bean and Jarman friend/frequent collaborator Tilda Swinton. But also justifying the price are 1993’s Wittgenstein and 1985’s The Angelic Conversation, the latter of which is only available in the box set. Finally, there’s the strange case of Blue, Jarman’s final film, also included here. While watching a film that consists entirely of a blue background accompanied by various voiceovers and sound effects, it’s nonetheless a must for Jarman fans, or even those who are curious about his life. Made as he was losing his eyesight due to AIDS-related illness, Blue is almost certainly the closest Jarman came to making a cinematic confession. You may not watch it again and again, but it demands to be seen at least once, and thanks to DVD, now everyone has that opportunity. Of course, if you’re looking for a more upbeat gay-friendly DVD, there’s always Xanadu: Magical Music Edition (Universal).

This week’s most noteworthy new release comes to us from our friends at Benten Films, Matthias Gleisner’s The Free Will. A prizewinner at the 2007 Berlinale, The Free Will tells the story of a convicted sex offender who finds himself struggling with life following his release from prison. The first foreign-language release from Benten, the DVD also includes a commentary by Gleisner and star/co-writer Jürgen Vogel, along with the film’s original theatrical trailer and a new essay on the film by critic David Fear. As always, it’s good to see what the Benten boys (Andrew Grant and Aaron Hillis) have in store for us, and The Free Will should be no exception.

Other notable recent releases coming to DVD this week include Marjane Satrapi’s Persepolis (Sony, also Blu-Ray), which features both French- and English-dubbed versions; Martin McDonagh’s agreeably salty In Bruges (Universal); Ryan Reynolds romancing a trio of hotties in Definitely, Maybe (Universal); Roland Emmerich’s latest assault on storytelling coherence and subtlety 10,000 B.C. (Warner, also Blu-Ray); The Spiderwick Chronicles (Paramount, also Blu-Ray), Hollywood’s latest failed attempt to create a new Potter-like franchise; John Sayles’ barely-released Honeydripper (Universal); and the strident Ferris Bueller wannabe Charlie Bartlett (MGM).

Finally… like surfing? Own a Blu-Ray player? Then we’ve got good news for you, as Step Into Liquid (Lionsgate) receives a Blu-Ray only release this week. Otherwise, if you’re looking for non-recent releases on Blu-Ray this week, I’m afraid you’re rather stuck.

Roland Emmerich: Not a Big Wim Wenders Fan

Scott Von Doviak — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Say what you will about the 10,000 B.C. director (and we have), but at least the man knows his station in the movie universe. “I'm making movies for the masses,” says Roland Emmerich in a recent interview with The Guardian. “These movies are expensive. A lot of people have to see it, like it and come back. If you start making movies for film critics, you've lost.”

If there’s one thing nobody has ever accused Emmerich of doing, it’s making movies for film critics. But of course, everyone is a critic, including Emmerich’s own mother, who did not particularly care for the director’s breakthrough hit, Universal Soldier. “She was just upset with me that there was so much blood in it - and she was right…I can't say that I like it. But I'm comfortable with it now. When you're not loved by the critics, it's very hard for anyone to say anything good about your movie.”

Although he was a film student in Germany during the heyday of Fassbinder and Wim Wenders, Emmerich doesn’t pretend the New German Cinema was ever an influence on his work (and again, it’s not like anyone is saying otherwise). “Everybody is always so careful about these things. I mean, I'm good friends with Wim Wenders, but it doesn't mean I have to like his movies. Some of them, I like. Most of them, I find boring. And I would tell him that to his face.” We’re still awaiting Wenders’ thoughts on The Patriot and The Day After Tomorrow.

Still, even though he’s always loved the big-budget Hollywood blockbusters that are his bread and butter today, Emmerich would appreciate a little credit for following his own path. “Emmerich has yet to make a sequel or tackle a popular comic-book franchise, preferring instead to collaborate with other writers on his own ideas,” Guardian writer Steven Goldman insists, apparently forgetting that Godzilla was rampaging through Tokyo before Emmerich was born. “Rather than presenting himself as a director for hire, he has increasingly sought to maintain creative control over his own fare by selling his scripts at auction.” You see that, Hollywood? Roland Emmerich doesn’t need your big, dumb ideas! He has plenty of big, dumb ideas of his own!

Video of the Day: We'll See Your Ten Thousand And Raise You a Million

Leonard Pierce — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 17:45:00 GMT

Roland Emmerich's new movie, 10,000 B.C., opens wide this Friday, and advance reports are... well, advance reports are that it stinks on ice age. Maybe it's because of the script and production problems Emmerich has been complaining about to anyone who will listen, or maybe it's the no-name cast, or maybe it's that Roland Emmerich is a giant hack who can't figure out how to make a movie where he can't blow things up with a fighter jet. But whatever the case, the only interesting thing about the movie so far is the hilariously overwrought internet message board debates it's spawned between atheists offended by the use of the term "B.C." and Christians offended by the portrayal of human evolution.

However, even if the movie turns out to be a colossal dud, it likely won't be as rotten as its spiritual forebear, 1966's epically stupid One Million Years B.C. In cast you've never seen it, we've thoughtfully provided you with the trailer, below. Thrill as caveman Tumak defeats a giant box turtle! Scream as the cave tribes are threatened by stock footage of a volcano and a barrage of styrofoam boulders! Ogle as Raquel Welch, already squandering her superstar status, stomps around in a leather bikini! The fact that Emmerich is rehashing this trash is pretty suggestive proof that maybe evolution really is a big sham after all.

Jurassic Classics: Ringo Starr Demands a Recount

Scott Von Doviak — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Much as it pains us to admit this, the Screengrab is not the only online source of movie lists. Certainly we're the best, but occasionally someone else on the world wide Interweb will take a crack at it. With the release of Roland Emmerich's 10,000 BC looming, MSNBC's Christopher Bahn has assembled a list of 11 great prehistoric flicks.

Right off the bat, we've got to call shenanigans on Bahn's inclusion of Land of the Lost. While it's true that Will Ferrell is about to begin shooting a big-screen remake of said property (will his '70s obsession never end?), the fact remains that Land of the Lost is a television show. Not only that, but it contains Sleestaks. Now, granted, we haven't done a great deal of research on prehistoric times, but while we're willing to accept cavemen living side-by-side with dinosaurs and woolly mammoths, we're fairly confident there is no existing fossil record of Sleestaks. Therefore, Land of the Lost is disqualified.

We're willing to accept the rest of the list — although including Clan of the Cave Bear certainly pushes the definition of "great" to its limits — but there is one tragic omission we cannot overlook. It is, of course, 1981's Caveman, starring Ringo Starr, Shelley Long and a boyish Dennis Quaid. Watch this scene, depicting the creation of music in painstaking historical detail, and we think you'll agree.

Trailer Review: 10000 BC

Peter Smith — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 20:00:00 GMT

Roland Emmerich makes noisy crap that's entertaining when it isn't being too noisy and crappy. Take, for example, Independence Day. Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum firing a nuclear missile into a spaceship the size of the moon and screaming "PEACE!" is awesome, but Emmerich ruins the moment with a screen full of yelling Randy Quaid heads ten minutes later. 10,000 B.C., unlike Emmerich's other movies, is Quaid-less all around, so it's off to a promising start. But this trailer is odd. It looks like Mel Gibson trying to remake Stargate. And why are all these cavemen so pretty? Only one movie is allowed to have pretty cavemen, and that's Encino Man. — John Constantine