Our fearless – and quite possibly senseless – movie janitor is watching every movie on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Join us now for another installment of Unwatchable.

I have to admit, I've never really cared about ninjas. Never had a ninja phase. I'm not even all that clear on what constitutes a ninja. For instance, last week I wrote about 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain, in which the ninjas were little kids with slapsticky martial arts moves. I'm not sure what distinguished them from karate kids; they didn't do any mind tricks or disappear in puffs of smoke. Whereas if I am to judge ninjas from American Ninja V, those skills are part of the package. And don't even get me started on the teenage mutant ninja turtles, who have some sort of pizza-related power I've never been clear about.

So yeah, as you've probably guessed from the above, I have never seen American Ninja I-IV.

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Our fearless – and quite possibly senseless – movie janitor is watching every movie on the IMDb Bottom 100 list. Join us now for another installment of Unwatchable.

Our unprecedented weeklong survey of Unwatchability comes to a merciful close with what I was astounded to discover is the FOURTH movie in the 3 Ninjas series. These are, after all, movies about kids, the smallest of whom can’t be more than eight years old in High Noon at Mega Mountain. How could they possibly have had three movies worth of adventures already?

Well, for one thing, the three ninjas have been recast for the fourth installment – in fact, two of them have been recast for the second time. It’s the Menudo principle at work, ensuring a long and glorious reign for the 3 Ninjas franchise. Since these kids are no-names, however, we need an actual trio of big stars to headline the picture. I have placed the names of 732,891 members of the Screen Actors Guild into this hat. Please choose three. Let’s see…Loni Anderson…Jim “Ernest” Varney…and Hulk Hogan! Perfect!

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