”To all of the esteemed voting members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences,

I consider myself proud to be a part of your illustrious ranks, in the company of so many talented people both in front of and behind the camera. But while I have attempted for years to make a film that would serve as my love letter to you and your impeccable tastes in cinema, I fear I have failed so far. It seems that while you have appreciated many performances in the films I’ve made, nominating several of them and even awarding a much-deserved Oscar to Denzel Washington in Glory, I wonder if perhaps my subject matter hasn’t appealed to you as it was meant to. It certainly would seem that the Civil War, Gulf War I, Arab terrorists, the downfall of the Japanese feudal system, and even the misdeeds of the diamond industry aren’t everyone’s idea of important cinema. So I decided to take on a subject that I’m sure everyone in the Academy will agree is a worthy one- the Holocaust. To underline the seriousness of the topic, I’ve decided to cast one of Hollywood’s newly-anointed action stars (Daniel Craig- James Bond himself!) in the lead role, even having him do an accent to show what a fine serious actor he is in case you still haven’t seen Enduring Love and The Mother. And just so you don’t think I’m making a sober, boring drama, I’m going to tell the inspirational true-life story of a group of Jewish refugees who actually fought back against the Nazis. Surely, no one will be able to resist a tale that so clearly shows a triumph of the spirit (which, not coincidentally, is the title of another wonderful Holocaust movie that you might have forgotten about. In closing, I hope you will find the film as uplifting and hard-hitting as I do, and would like to direct you to the engraved name plate that I’ve conveniently included with this letter. You’ll find that it should fit perfectly on the base of the Oscar statuette in all possible ways.

All the best,
E. Zwick”