So I'm reading this, and I'm thinking, "Where's the gunphone? He's gotta mention the gunphone! The gunphone is what puts it over the top!" And then I get to the end, and everything is right with the world.
Well, I had to do something to make people keep reading until the end...
"Jonesy? Jonesy, is that you?"
Oh God, I love every terrible minute of this dumb film. At work, I have been known to blurt out at random intervals, "You're not Jonesy," in the same low rasp that Thomas Jane uses when he wants people to know that he's serious or scared or constipated.
This movie may be terrible, but it's more entertaining than a fair share of the good movies I've seen, and it's an uncannily faithful distillation of all the worst qualities of Stephen King's writing (I've never read it, but I'd bet anything that Beaver's immortal line "Bitch-in-a-buzzsaw! I've heard some mighty burps in my time, but that's the blue-ribbon baby!" is taken verbatim from the novel). And if nothing else it was great to see the Quabbin Reservoir, which I grew up near, finally get an onscreen shout-out in this of all films (even if the scenes that take place there don't appear to have actually been shot there).
Also, I'm surprised neither this entry nor any of the comments so far mention Morgan Freeman's solemnly ludicrous performance. His eventual Lifetime Achievement Oscar highlight reel had better include "YOU'VE CROSSED THE CURTIS LINE!"
For a good late Kasdan film, check out the underappreciated MUMFORD.
Oh sweet jesus, I just noticed Donnie Wahlberg's oversized Sox jacket. This story really was King's junk drawer, wasn't it?
Unfortunately, I was starting to hit my word limit, so the lame dialogue and Freeman's terrible performance (and rockin' eyebrows) had to go. But yeah, they're bot pretty awful.
BOTH pretty awful, even.