Scanner : wives

How to Survive The Recession: Marry a Saudi

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 May 2009 20:17:00 GMT

Single ladies with shopping problems (in the house!): get a ring on it—just make sure said ring comes from a Saudi man if you have any hope of surviving this recession.

A judge in Saudi Arabia has said that it's okay for a man to slap his wife if she spends lavishly on things like clothing.

"If a person gives 1,200 Saudi riyals ($320) to his wife and she spends 900 riyals ($240) to purchase an abaya (head-to-toe robe) from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment," Judge Hamad Al-Razine was quoted as saying by the English-language Arab News newspaper on Sunday.

Luckily, because Al Razine's comments were made out of court (they were made at a conference on domestic violence!) they have no influence over the law, but this can't be good news for Saudi women who are still fighting for the right to vote, drive and participate freely in their nation's politics.

(And, yes, we know not all Saudi men will slap their wives for shopping too much.)

[CSNnews: Saudi Judge Says Men Have Right to Slap Wives over Lavish Spending]

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SATC Penis Guy's Wife Loves His Sexy Dancing

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 19:33:00 GMT

This is Gilles Marini. Like us, you may not recognize the name Gilles Marini. In fact, you might not even recognize his face. But if you saw the Sex and the City movie you probably caught a glimpse of his sizable schlong. Or if you (unlike Scanner Brian) have been watching Dancing with the Stars, you might also have seen his junk—through his dance pants, of course. And you know what? Keep looking. Look all you want. Because his wife doesn't give a fuuuuck. In fact, she's not even worried that his partner is Cheryl Burke, who was rumored* to have been sleeping with her DWTS Season One partner, Drew Lachey. So, why is Marini's wife Carole so comfortable with her husband getting other women all hot and bothered?

Because “she’s French,” said Marini. “The more sexy it is [on the show] the better it is for her. Tonight she told me, ‘I saw that shaking booty stuff, you’re going to have to show it to me [at home].”

“Imagine if you do that job and you have a wife in the house or a husband in the house who is very kind of jealous and possessive, things would collapse,” he said in an interview with the website jenandbarbmomlife.com. “If I don’t have my wife at my side I have nothing. And so she is there pushing me and always kissing me and saying, ‘I am so proud of you.’”

Apparently, she pushes real good. The couple have been married for eleven years and have two children together.

[People: Gilles Marini Says Wife Loves His Sexy Dancing]

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Crushed: Kim Kardashain's Dreams of Dancing With the Stars (Outside the Bedroom, Anyway)

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*We are not trying to perpetuate this rumor, only acknowlede its existence.

Crazy Husband Lady Left Lonely

Emily Farris — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 20:56:00 GMT

There sure are a lot of women out there making us feel better about being on the not-so-long road to Crazy Cat Ladydom. First, it was the Crazy Baby Lady and now—possibly less offensive but just as insane—is the Crazy Husband Lady, Linda Wolfe (not that she's always been Mrs. Wolfe).

The 68-year-old Indiana resident has been Mrs. Scott, Mrs. Street, Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Berisford, Mrs. Chandler, Mrs. Essex, Mrs. Moyer, Mrs. Massie, and Mrs. McMillian, among many other names.

"It's easy to sum up," she said of her life. "When I was younger I was just a snot-nosed kid, but the neighborhood boys were all in love with me. They all wanted to marry me."

But after 23 husbands (two gay, two homeless and more than a few who cheated on her—but she never cheated on them!), Mrs. Linda Wolfe is lonely. She has been single for twelve years.

"I would get married again," she said, "because, you know, it gets lonely."

The weirdest part of all of this (to us, at least) is that with every marriage she changed her name! You'd think she might have wised up after the first few.

[Sun Times: Hoosier woman lonely after 23 marriages]

Related:

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Crazy Baby Lady Is, In Fact, A Crazy Baby Lady

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While You Were Sleeping: The 3-D Porn Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Ever wonder what repairing a sex doll is like? Wait, you already knew this job existed?

We're hoping Kanye West is kidding when he says he wants to change his name. We are not amused.

Shockingly, your wife may become upset if you turn out to have a secret Playboy subscription.

Try not to panic-- 71,000 jobs were lost yesterday alone.

The hookers are flocking to Florida for the Super Bowl.

Good God! Molly Ringwald is 40 years old. Oh, and she's expecting twins...

The world's first-ever 3D porno flick (or so the producers claim, probably without having done any research) is all set to shoot. We'll, of course, provide a look behind the scenes, assuming this doesn't go way over budget, as an experiment of this magnitude is bound to do.

And forgive Paris Hilton, for she knows not what the hell she's saying.

Wife Catch You Online Dating? Try Ashley Madison

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:30:00 GMT

Want to have sex with other people, but too much of a complete assface not to file for divorce or discuss it with your spouse? No more do you have to create Nerve personals profiles and defile have the metropolitan area before someone finds you out.

Finally, for everybody who's ever wanted to spice up their sex life by bringing home STD's, there's Ashley Madison...

Ashley Madison is the brainchild of those doucheturds who created Hot or Not (does that even exist? why?) and, long after its launch, it has finally caught on thanks to its tagline, "Life Is Short, Have An Affair" (we're not making that up), and its widely-circulated open letter to adulterer Eliot Spitzer. Now, founder Noah Biderman opens up to Bitter Lawyer about why Ashley Madison even exists, whether he cheats on his wife, and why his Mom is proud of his career choice:

[T]he majority of people on AshleyMadison are not necessarily seeking a new relationship. Rather, they are seeking the physical intimacy that is lacking from their current relationship.
[We] attract a more sophisticated, educated, high-income member base. Lawyers and bankers seem to be our largest professional groups.

The women on the service really fall into three different groups: 1) The soccer mom/desperate housewife who feels totally under-appreciated in her current relationship; 2) the quintessential mistress who is not interested in settling down and getting married; 3) young, attached/married women who either feel that the man they are currently with is not the man they can stay with for the rest of their lives, or that they have made a mistake in getting married, but before they get any deeper, they are seeking what else might be out there waiting for them.
I may not convince those who believe infidelity is “wrong” to start believing that it is “right,” but I am positive that I have helped people accept that it is part of the human condition, and that if we start asking the question “why” people cheat, we might find some interesting answers.
I am married with two beautiful children. I think it is important for people to understand that this is not some kind of crusade or personal outlet for me... I woke up one morning and found myself in the arms of a very demanding “mistress” called AshleyMadison.
What I like to jokingly tell people critical of my current role is that my mother is finally proud of her son’s career… After all, I used to be a lawyer.

You can search profiles on Ashley Madison... although we don't recommend it.

Via Bitter Lawyer.

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Sloppy Seconds: Obama's Brother From Another Mother

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:31:00 GMT

Is Argentina crying for Madonna after she had to postpone a show there? Enh, probably not. [Yahoo!]

We're not the only ones with "sloppy seconds." [MollyGood]

Actor Mark Ruffalo's brother is "clinging to life" after he was shot in the head. [Us]

Duuuuuuuuude. A 2,700-year-old weed stash was uncovered in the Gobi Desert. Wonder if it's still good? [MSNBC]

Amy Winehouse's possibly soon-to-be ex husband Blake Feilder Civil is yet again Blake Incarcerated. [People]

Nintendo has come a long way, from boring old Mario and Luigi to video games with racial slurs. [MTV]

This is Barack Obama's half brother, we think:

[Via Daily Intel]

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Women Get Away With Affairs Because of Their Expert Lying, Says Woman Who Got Away With An Affair With Future British Prime Minister

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:12:00 GMT

This is Edwina Currie, the conservative politician who cheated on her husband with married future British Prime Minister John Major. Edwina wrote a piece for the Daily Mail this week on the latest poll on cheaters and how they get away with it...

So a new survey has come up with the surprise revelation that women are just as likely to be unfaithful as men.
Why didn't anyone realise this earlier?
Simply, it seems, because we women are more wily. While men are likely to strut around bragging about their conquests - indeed, even exaggerating the scale of their extramarital infidelities - women, conversely, are apt to keep mum about theirs.
Two thousand women were questioned in a recent sex and relationship survey. One in six of them admitted to having adulterous sex.
But here's the revelation: while females almost invariably discover the truth when their spouses stray, women are adept at keeping their own infidelities secret.

Currie also points out the already-infamous recent interview given by Dame Eileen Atkins in which the 70-something actress confessed that Colin Farrell had repeatedly propositioned her one night a few years back, in which Atkins said:

'Women are more successful at infidelity than men - they're better liars.'

Interestingly, it was Currie who broke the news of the affair, more than a decade after it ended, in her 2002 autobiography. She later trashed Major for being sexist and racist and disparaged his work as Prime Minister. She also admitted that, after all that time, she still loved him...

Anyway, what do we think about this survey? Are woman better at conducting affairs (and getting away with them) because of their skills as liars?

Via the Daily Mail.

Obama and McCain: A Contest Decided By Body Language

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:09:00 GMT

The feature story on the front page of Live Science right now is about how the body language Obama and McCain use in public tell more about their candidacies (and Presidencies) than any poll or speech ever could...

Among the highlights:

1) McCain represents stability in how he stands firmly and holds onto the sides of a podium. By contrast, Obama has a forward-looking gaze and strolls about in a relaxed fashion during public appearances. Yet both men share an introspective quality that could make them strong leaders, each in his way.

2) McCain uses directional gestures that suggest bridging a gap, while Obama’s shaping gestures that suggest accommodation, the analysts say.

3) McCain also sometimes adopts a right-left style of walking where he shifts his weight — not unlike a cowboy swagger if taken to extremes, [Professor Karen] Studd noted. That contrasts with Obama’s more centered movement where he swings the opposite arm with the opposite leg. Obama's free flow approach may have its advantages, especially when it comes to public appearances where the candidates face hard questions.

4) "John McCain is ill at ease a lot, and Obama is rarely ill at ease although he's put on the spot," [Professor Karen] Bradley said. "John McCain sometimes looks like he's looking for the door, so he needs to work on that."

5) Both Bradley and Studd had pointed out McCain as a strong Republican candidate based on his body language, back in the early days when John McCain was (first) expected to do very well. Huckabee, who was an early favorite after winning Iowa, came off as charming and relaxed, they thought. Romney, they said, came off as less convincing and convinced.

See the full Live Science for an analysis of the candidates' relationships to their wives, plus much more...

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FYI Boys: If You Want To Get Some, Get Some Housework Done

Katie Halper — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 21:50:00 GMT

Apparently, nothing turns women on more than a man who knows how to work his own equipment. And nothing brings women more pleasure than a man who takes the initiative and whips out his big, strong, powerful... vacuum cleaner. According to a report published on the Council of Contemporary Families (CCF) website, men who do housework in the home may get more playtime in the bedroom: "Equitable sharing of housework is associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction -- and sometimes more sex too! Wives report greater feelings of sexual interest and affection for husbands who participate in housework."

So boys, If you want to get off, get off the couch, put down the remote, pick up your duster, and get to cleaning. And then, maybe, your wife will put on a French maid outfit and whip out your duster. Sounds like marital bliss to us.

Readers, what do you think? Men who clean: sexy or un sexy?

Photo: Urban Photography: Housework Calendar