Scanner : whiskey

Famous Last Words

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:20:00 GMT

Why is it that celebrities are able to muster more creative energy than they've had in years to consistently utter their unforgettable last words?

Take, for example, the curious case of Dylan Thomas, poet, raconteur, and mainly raconteur who drank himself to death via shots of whiskey at New York City's White Horse Tavern before staggering back to the Chelsea Hotel, more than a dozen blocks later, and collapsing in its now-famous lobby. His immortal last words?

"Eighteen whiskeys... that must be some sort of a record."

Of course, the reason that all these famous last words are so, well, famous is that they are exaggerated and that the circumstances surrounding them are mostly unsubstantiated myths.

Here's what really happened to Dylan Thomas... according to Wikipedia, of course:

Thomas.. said that we was feeling awful and asked to take a "rain-check". He did however accompany Liz to the White Horse for a few beers. Feeling sick he again returned to the hotel.

[Dr.] Feltenstein came to see him three times that day, on the third call prescribing morphine. This seriously affected Dylan's breathing. At midnight on November 4/5, his breathing became more difficult and his face turned blue.

By 1:58 am Thomas had been admitted to the emergency ward at nearby St Vincent’s, by which time he was profoundly comatose. The doctors on duty found bronchitis in all parts of his bronchial tree, both left and right sides. An X-ray showed pneumonia... and Thomas died on November 9.

Here's where the myths started:

During an incident on 3 November 1953, Thomas returned to the Chelsea Hotel in New York, from the White Horse Tavern and exclaimed, "I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that is a record." However, the barman and the owner of the pub who served Thomas at the time, later told Ruthven Todd, that Thomas couldn't have imbibed more than half that amount, after Todd decided to find out.

Despite shattering that myth, here's a set of famous last words that have stood the test of time. If we're half this witty when the time comes, we must've done something right in life:

Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.
-Beethoven, died in 1827

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
-Bogart, 1957

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
-Pancho Villa, 1923
I know you have come to kill me. Shoot, coward. You are only going to kill a man.
-Ernesto "Che" Guevara, 1967
How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?
-P.T. Barnum, 1891
Codeine . . . bourbon.
-Tallulah Bankhead, 1968
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
-Oscar Wilde, 1900

But our favorite famous last words are those of former US President John Adams, who died on July 4, 1826. His bitter rivalry with Thomas Jefferson (the POTUS #3 to his POTUS #2) continued to his dying day, upon which Adams muttered, "And Thomas Jefferson still survives." As it turns out, Jefferson had actually died earlier that day, but Adams did not learn this before passing on.

Jefferson's last words? "Is it the Fourth?"

Related:

The Greatest Dive Bars: The White Horse Tavern

Who Would You Rather: Founding Fathers Edition

Today in the Apocalypse: 17-Year-Old MADD Volunteer Hosts Quiet Gathering...

Happy Hour Test Drive: Canadian Club Whisky 30 Year Reserve

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 19:33:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Whiskey was actually the first alcoholic beverage I ever had. When I was a teenager, my dad left his Johnny Walker exposed in the kitchen and I poured some into my orange juice. It was gross and I didn't drink whiskey again until college. Now, at the ripe meh-age of 23, my palette has developed and I've become a little bit of a whiskey snob. I've traded in the JD and SoCo for Maker'sMark and Knob Creek. When I go out to restuarants, I'll order a single malt scotch, provided that I have money and it is under $14 (it's tough to be a connoisseur on a budget).

Needless to say, I was pretty psyched about test driving a bottle of Canadian Club's 30 Year Reserve Whisky (that's right, the cannucks leave off the 'e'). . .

Read More...

Sloppy Seconds: What Will Rihanna Say to Chris Brown?

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:15:00 GMT

Most likely playing off of the popular Facebook meme 25 things is the new blog 25 Things About My Sexuality, where people can randomly post just that. [25ThingsAboutMySexuality]

Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto has signed onto Woody Allend's latest film. [AfterEllen]

Is San Francisco about to lose the Chronicle to the recession? That's it, we're taking our bottle of Jameson and our box of Entenmann's rich frosted donuts and crawling into a cave until this is all over. [Bloomberg]

Um, what is Kim Kardashian doing with a pet chimp? [Us]

If drinking is good for your heart but could lead to cancer what do you choose? If you're us, and have a history of heart disease in your family and no known cases of cancer, you drink! [ABC]

Rihanna will reportedly face her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown (who allegedly beat the hell out of her, in case you haven't heard) in court when his criminal threats case goes to trial. [Starpulse]

[Image]

I Need Whiskey Flavored Condoms Like I Need a Hole in My Head

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 21:34:00 GMT

If you don't know what I'm talking about, read this. If you do, click through to see what these suckers look like out of the box.

Scrumptious! Marketed as McCondoms (cute) you can get two for $3.25. Please do not buy these for me. I am considering giving up both sex and whiskey for Lent. No really. No, seriously.

[Via the Inquisitr]

Related:

Bacon-Infused Cocktail Made Us Orgasm Just Reading About It

Reader Inspired Scanner Roundtable: Is Dating Dead (Or, Is Scanner Emily DOIN' IT RONG)?

25-Year-Old Virgin Takes Us One Step Closer to Crazy Cat Lady Status

**"Vote in the Box" Not Nearly as Funny as "D*ck in a Box" But Still Warms Our Hearts**

Scanner Roundtable: Bases

The Greatest Dive Bars: The Comfort Zone

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:55:00 GMT

We can't say for sure that this bar qualifies as a dive, since it's more of a dance club than a place with, say, a jukebox and your Uncle Morty, sporting a fedora, downing Old Crow in the corner; however, we'll take the reader's suggestion and include Toronto's notorious Comfort Zone on our list for two incredibly good reasons.

1) This review, which appears on iBegin:

If its normal to you to shit backwards on a toilet seat and just leave it, its the place to go, if its normal to clog sinks,flush plastic cups down the toilet,tear things out of the walls,its the place to go,if its normal to puke in the corners,leave all your shit,although big bins are just in front of you,its the place to go.
But they do have great music. Addy is just divine.Not to forget the staff.; - )
Please tip the cleaners,show them respect for being able to keep up with your people, they are having a hard time,trying to keep the toilets okay, they have to stay out there 24/ 7 just to keep up. God bless the cleaners.

2) And this story, which appeared in the March 17, 2007 edition of Eye Weekly:

The police raid early Sunday morning at the Comfort Zone at Spadina and College, resulting in approximately 150 people being investigated and released and 33 arrested and charged, came as little surprise to anyone who encountered tweaking patrons squinting into the street on weekend afternoons. The club’s location, in the basement of the Silver Dollar Room of the Waverly Hotel, is next door to the Scott Mission shelter and soup kitchen — an intersection where decorum is limited and the finest dining option remains Burger King.

But the mother of Andrew Fazio, the 26-year-old from Hamilton who died of an accidental overdose in January after visiting the club, took no solace in this matter-of-fact when it was raised at a police media conference this afternoon.

Others have questioned whether the club should have remained opened after the bust-- observers noted hard drugs were still being sold openly, which some may view as an insult to the guy who died. After all, shouldn't the club at least be worried it will happen again on their watch?

Nonetheless, most locals enjoy the vibe and the "dirty electro house beats." One noted on iBegin that it's the only place he can go and dance all night, sans shirt, without being bothered. But remember, we warned you about the other side of the coin:

Can someone say crystal meth? This is what this place seems to be all about. A drug dealer's heaven.

Here's the Comfort Zone's official website, in case you're visiting. Above photo is not of the Comfort Zone.

Related:

Dumbest Person Ever? Pregnant Woman Gives Birth on Rollercoaster

Blonde-Redhead Muslim Woman Sues Bar Over (Conservative) Red Dress

Who Knew North Dakota Had Such A Great Bar Scene?

The Greatest Dive Bars: Mars Bar

Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2008

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 15:22:00 GMT

So this is 2009. So far, so good. We're going to use the next few days to accidentally write "2008" on everything and take a look back at the year that was. You can expect the top 10 Scanner posts of 2008 on Monday. But first, as promised, Scanner Emily's top 10 lessons learned in 2008, including—unfortunately—a repeat from last year. Seriously, how many times must we humiliate ourselves online before learning that drinking and Facebook do not mix?

10. Even when you think you're eating sort-of maybe healthily, you're not, you fat fuck.

9. Everyone has daddy issues, okay?

8. Always, always, always back-up what's on your computer (not that we've actually gotten around to it yet).

7. You can always go home.

6. Don't fool yourself into thinking the only way to get The Herp at summer camp is by making out with a hot co-counselor in the art barn. It is not. (And If you have to make jokes about being the oldest camp counselor in the history of the world, you just might be.)

5. It is possible to attend the costume party of your dreams and actually have a blast. If you have not yet experienced this, keep the dream alive and don't throw away those ruffly bloomers you've been holding on to for just such an occasion.

4. Whiskey will not make you a better roller skater. Well, it won't make you better at stopping, anyway.

3. Yellow tights are super unflattering and will get you weird looks even in the Bellevue emergency room.

2. Never, ever try to use The Facebook on your phoneputer while totally shit-faced drunk. (Yes, we thought we learned this one in 2007.)

1. If your ex-boyfriend asks if he can write an article about you for the local alternative weekly, say no.

Related:

Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2007

Five Things I Learned in Vegas

And They Said It Wouldn't Last

Scanner Emily's Burlesque Fantasy Comes True, Sort Of

Top 10 Ways to Avoid Becoming The Crazy Cat Lady

Top 10 Childish Things We Wish We Could Get Away With as Adults

Caption This: George Clooney Thinks Maybe Just One More...

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 16:20:00 GMT

[Image]

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Stumps for Sarah Palin, We Drink Heavily

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 14:33:00 GMT

At a rally in Tampa, FL yesterday The View's resident Republican and woman we love to hate, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, introduced Sarah Palin and her accessories including, but not limited to, her "priceless" flag pin and her special-needs child.

It's not pretty. If you can handle nearly ten minutes of Hasselbeck's tortured metaphors, click on through. Or wait until you can get home and pour yourself a drink. We had to watch this in two minute shifts with a shot of whiskey in between each.

P.S. The Anchorage Daily News endorsed Obama yesterday, too. That is all. Thanks.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture?

Sloppy Seconds: Queen Latifah on Being Gay

Sloppy Seconds: Has Colin Powell Finally Made Up His Mind?

Sloppy Seconds: The Baldwins on Gay Marriage and the Unfortunate Pairing of Heidi Montag and Britney Spears

While You Were Sleeping: Janet Jackson Hospitalized

Sloppy Seconds: Lily Allen Would Very Much Like Sir Elton John to F*ck Off, Seriously

Sloppy Seconds: And Just What Does Woody Allen Think Is So Unfunny?

Bacon-Infused Cocktail Made Us Orgasm Just Reading About It

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:18:00 GMT

Summer's almost over, which means it's time to drink heavily and balloon up for the unbearable winter months. A good way to start is with this monster of an Old Fashioned: it involves bacon, maple syrup, and about a bucket o' whiskey...

Start your week right with the recipe, after the jump:

PDT’s Bacon-Infused Old Fashioned

FOR THE BOURBON- BACON INFUSION:
3 or 4 slices bacon, or enough to render 1 ounce of fat (PDT uses Benton’s, but any extra-smoky variety will do)
1 750-ml. bottle of bourbon such as Four Roses Yellow Label

FOR THE OLD FASHIONED:
2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon
1/4 ounce Grade B maple syrup
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Twist of orange

FOR THE BACON-INFUSED BOURBON: Cook bacon in pan and reserve rendered fat. (1) When bacon fat has cooled a bit, pour off one ounce from pan. (2) Pour bourbon into a non-porous container. (3) Strain the bacon fat into the container and infuse for 4 to 6 hours at room temperature. Place mixture in freezer until all the fat is solidified. With a slotted spoon, remove fat and strain mixture back into bottle.
FOR THE COCKTAIL: In mixing glass, stir 2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon, maple syrup, and bitters with ice. Strain into chilled rocks glass filled with ice. Garnish with orange twist.

We hope someone can come up with a way to meld the two drinks into one so we can have maple syrup and bacon with our whiskey, but there's always the ol' Pancakes and Booze Breakfast, which explains our ability to sift through the New York magazine website, from whence this recipe came...

While you're at it, check out the How To video here.

Related:

15 Hangover Cures From Around The World

Today in Sandwich Porn: The Lady's Brunch Burger

Today in Food Porn: The Bacon Bra

Swedes Get High On Nutmeg, End Up In Hospital For Cake Overload...

If Your Date Orders Caviar, Almond-Covered Truffles, And Ginger Beer... Now You Know Why

Scanner Roundtable: Bases

Hot Damn, We Want That Bacon Wallet

It's Official: Denny's Designs Food For Drunks, By Drunks

When Drinking and Technology Don't Mix: Scanner Emily's Facebook Faux Pas

Scanner Roundtable: Bases

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:08:00 GMT

On the car ride home from the best weekend ever that may or may not have involved us drinking too much whiskey and taking a series of pantsless pictures, we questioned a friend about what exactly happened when two people spent the night in her one-person tent. Of course, the subject of bases came up and there was some serious dissent among the car's five passengers.

As far as we're concerned, it goes like this:

1st Base: Kissing

2nd Base: Heavy Petting, Dry Humping, Hand Jobs, and our favorite term, Fingerbanging

3rd Base: Oral

Home: Intercourse

But apparently, many people believe that anything involving hand-gential contact is third. We've found ourselves Googling this topic on more than one occasion, only to be even more confused (maybe it's changed since the 50's?). We're sure someone out there can clear this up for us, though.