Scanner : voting

PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:26:00 GMT

Back in February, we advised you to vote for PETA's Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door 2009. There were loads of hot men and women in the running, many of them pictured in their underwear with bulges or major cleavage-- but thankfully, never both.

The ~~People Eating Tasty Animals~~ People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals have finally announced the winners and they're not who we expected...

As you may recall, we nominated the following gals: Alexia from New York City; Amy from Port Angeles, WA; Brooke from Ogden, UT; Giselle from Miami, FL; and Sunny from North Hollywood, CA.

Sadly, our advice was ignored and the winner is...

There's nothing wrong with Amber-- nothing wrong, that is, unless you're disappointed that PETA, supposedly secretly a feminist hive, prefers blondes. How original. (Okay, really, we were just rooting for Sunny to take the top prize...)

Amber, a [Minnetonka] Minnesota native, decided to go vegetarian after reading the book Skinny Bitch and doing research on making the switch, and she's thrilled with the results! In addition to feeling stronger both mentally and physically, she loves knowing that her carbon footprint is smaller, thanks to her vegetarian diet. Amber is the very proud guardian of several rescued animal companions, and she spends time volunteering for the Minnesota Boxer Rescue. She even lets her love for animals carry over into her work as a photographer. Check out the cute companion animal gallery on her Web site to see for yourself! Amber's major turn-ons are confidence, bad boys who have a heart for animals, tattoos, and creativity.

By the way, the winner for the Sexiest Male Vegetarian Next Door is... Monty.

Monty, 33, [of Los Angeles, CA] initially switched to a vegetarian diet for health reasons, but after he learned how factory farming affects animals and the environment, his convictions were reinforced, and he recently went vegan! Monty owns a visual-arts firm, and his photos capture the essence of a wide variety of timely issues, including President Barack Obama's presidential campaign. Monty shares his home with Zeus, a Chihuahua he took in after he found him wandering on Hollywood Boulevard. Monty considers analytical minds and compassionate hearts to be turn-ons and is turned off by people who aren't open-minded. He loves to travel and will soon retrace the steps of the man who discovered the North Pole.

Both win separate trips for two to Hawaii. One has to wonder what all the Hawaiians in the running were in it for...

Via PETA.

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PETA Wants to Covet Your Neighbor's Sexy Wife

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 16:31:00 GMT

Now through March 11th, PETA has resolved to keep its topless protesters off the streets and to avoid throwing white paint at the Olsen twits and other enemies of furballs.

Instead, they've launched a new online competition featuring the Sexiest Vegetarians Next Door. The winner of the four rounds of voting wins a free trip to Hawaii... so, apparently, none of the girls pictured here are from Hawaii...

Alexi from Astoria (Queens), NY

Giselle from Miami, FL

Amy from Port Angeles, WA

Brooke from Ogden, UT. At the top of this post is Sunny from North Hollywood, CA. These are just a sampling of the many female contestants you can vote for at this link. The male contestants, as if anyone clicking on this post would care, are here.

PETA, via Fleshbot. For you enviable Europeans, voting begins here.

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Simpsons Trying to Be All Hip Again, Gets All Change-y

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:45:00 GMT

With last year's episode in which Homer tries to vote Democrat and has his machine insist on switching his vote, The Simpsons carried a biting political message four years too late. Now, as The Daily Show, Colbert Report, and even Saturday Night Live steal the Biting and Relevant Comedy mantle from Matt Groening, the show's producers have tried a new opening title sequence to celebrate their first episode in high definition.

What do you think? Is the Simpsons still a great show?

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While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston's Big News

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 16:40:00 GMT

Janet Jackson canceled the rest of her tour. Wow, she's really going downhill fast, isn't she?

James Bond goes to... Bollywood?

Cheech and Chong want you to vote today. And no, this isn't some Republican trick pulled on our inner-cities.

The National Review, bitter as always, says the youth vote only made up 18% of the total vote. Yes, douceheads, but what about the actual number of youth voters?

And so it begins: the McCain campaign is letting loose on Sarah Palin. My God, if this corrupt and greedy individual had ever become Vice President...

Adam Shulman. Adam Shulman. Adam Shulman-- that's the name of Anne Hathaway's new boyfriend. Curses!

And Jennifer Aniston is pregnant with twins. Little John Mayer's, you think?

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Liveblogging The Vote: An Open Thread

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Help us liveblog today's election by e-mailing us anything interesting you come across today on the campaign trail or at the polls, where you will likely be for your entire eight hour workday, waiting to find out they never updated your registration. Whoops.

Seriously, we'll be updating this post (after the jump) throughout the day with anything we hear (hell, even if it's complete nonsense) about Election 2008: from unreliable exit polls to bizarre and outlandish cases of voting problems and outright fraud...

1:20am:

1) Voting problems: Well over 800,000 complaints so far. And that was yesterday's total.

2: Polls: In 2004, this was John Zogby's prediction on Election Day morn: "Kerry 311, Bush 213, 14 up for grabs. Bush wins popular vote." Guess we might want to rethink these polling things...

3) Share your voting experiences with the Huffington Post. Some of the experiences already up in the comments section are pretty interesting.

4) New York: If you haven't voted yet, know your rights, just in case you end up like Scanner Emily and can't vote. We'll have information on other states when and if we can locate reliable expert information.

2:17am:

If you hadn't heard already, Obama's grandmother did indeed pass away yesterday. She did, however, get to vote for her grandson for the first and only time.

6:39am:

A friend e-mails that his brother in New Jersey is reporting that there are already long lines at his tiny, heavily-Caucasian neighborhood polling site. "If there are lines in white neighborhoods maybe we'll get enough machines for once (and a national holiday!) in the next election."

9:47am:

From Jezebel: shots on long lines in Queens and New York's Lower East side.

Facebook has an Election Page that is updating in real time. 747,164.

And now for some comic relief: Gina Gershon as Sarah Palin in a new video.

9:52am:

Mark Salter, a senior McCain campaign aide, told the Wall Street Journal he is using crystal meth to get through today. Of course, mainstream media outlets picking up the story neglect to mention he's probably joking.

10:06am:

Talk about small towns: apparently, the South Side of Chicago is one of them, with this revelation from ABC News: "Among the other voters who have shown up to vote at Shoesmith Elementary School this morning, where Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., will vote: Louis Farrakhan and William Ayers."

10:10am:

2004 much? "Voting machines were breaking down or simply not deployed in adequate numbers in some polling places," says CNN. "Long lines were seen in rainy Richmond, Virginia, where Henrico County switched to paper ballots at the Math and Science Center after five of seven machines broke down." Phew-- at least Henrico County had the sense to allow for paper ballots, unlike some idiotic states.

10:12am:

"If I have to choose between a douche and a turd, I don't see the point," says Stan from South Park. Clip here.

10:16am:

Yahoo! News reports: "More than 160 people were lined up to vote by the time polls opened at First Presbyterian Church in Allentown," Pennsylvania.

11:01am:

Political Wire says: "If Virginia is called quickly for Obama, it means he likely wins the presidential race and Democrats across the country will have a huge night. If it's not called early, it's could be an indication that white undecided voters are breaking to McCain. Prepare for an hour long discussion of the 'Bradley effect.' If Georgia or Indiana are called early for Obama, it's a leading indicator for a landslide." Meanwhile, Gawker's electoral map indicates McCain will likely be leading in the Electoral College until late in the evening (say, after 10pm) until the west coast starts to come in for Obama.

11:06am:

Conan voted!

The state of Florida claims its lines are only "20 minutes" long and that there are few reported problems. Have you heard different?

11:50am:

Trent Reznor weighs in. We're going to take a lunch break and go vote.

12:06pm:

The Obamas voted (in this video.)

1:02pm:

Just back from voting in Brooklyn. If it took 25 minutes to vote in a neighborhood like mine, I have to wonder how bad it must be getting in Ohio.

1:44pm:

Voting registration book problems in Kansas have been resolved, according to a CNN report.

Poll closing times: 7pm in Florida (for most polls), 7pm in New Hampshire (select cities are open till 8pm), at least 7pm in Oregon. More on poll closing times here.

3:40pm:

Back online after some technical problems. Joe the Plumber tried to vote but was denied because he was at the wrong polling location. Man, the McCain campaign can't do anything right, can it?

3:43pm:

A 109-year-old woman (hey, she's almost as old as McCain!), who is the daughter of a slave, was able to vote for Obama today.

3:48pm:

Let's update those poll closing times: 7:00: GA, IN, KY, SC, VT, VA; 7:30: NC, OH, WV; 8:00: AL, CT, DE, DC, FL, IL, ME, MD, MA, MI, MO, NH, NJ, OK, PA, TN; 8:30: AR; 9:00: AZ, CO, KS, LA, MI, MN, NE, NM, NY, ND, RI, SD, TX, WI, WY; 10:00: IA, MT, NV, UT, CA, HI, ID, OR, WA; 1:00am: AK. Most observers agree that if Obama wins IN and/or GA and VA early, this could be a blowout; otherwise, it could always go the other way, of course...

5:31pm:

Oddly enough, people are getting text messages telling them that, if they are Obama supporters, they should vote tomorrow because of long lines. Do Republicans really think their rivals are that dumb? (The answer: yes and some of them probably fell for it.)

Also, please don't send us any exit polling data. It's all junk anyway and we'll know within two hours or say anyway. Political Wire claims it will have results starting at 6pm easter-- link here.

5:34pm:

It might end up being an epic night regardless of the outcome, since it appears high turnout could delay the results. 1,000 voters were reportedly in line at a single polling site-- and this in Detroit, Michigan, which McCain has already conceded.

5:39pm:

Voted yet? It's not too late to throw your support behind... Lando Calrissian?

5:40pm:

Reports indicate Obama is making a last-minute effort to turn Indiana blue. We'll know in just a few short hours whether it was enough to turn the tide there. Can you believe we'll have actual hard date in under 90 minutes? So weird to watch the campaign to a screeching halt after so many months of incessant politicking.

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Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:00:00 GMT

For a while, we tried to remain balanced, nitpicking each party's candidates with snarky attacks.

Then John McCain's campaign took a horrendous turn. It wasn't just on the strategic end, although that's what doomed him; rather, there seemed to be a point where he said, "I used to be the type who didn't stoop so low. Now I realize I can't win any other way" or "I want to win so badly I have temporarily lost control of my convictions."

And that's where Obama stepped in.

Now, Obama's no saint, but the reason it was so hard to trash him throughout this campaign is that he made few glaring missteps. Even the missteps the media reported on were exaggerated or the work of some other member of the campaign (yeah, we mean you, Joe Biden), and ultimately, we grew bored with covering the contest. It had been easy to pick on Clinton, Kucinich, Romney, and Bob Dole (man, we miss '96-- that dude was constant comedy.) But once Obama and McCain stepped into the ring this summer, all the drama seemed to fall away. It was like two fighters whose eyes sagged and their trainers had to slap them around: "Hey, go out and get 'em, it's not over yet!" But from then on, it was only potshots (William Ayers = yawn) and the usual droning putdowns ("see, this is a fundamental difference between blah blah blah...")

Ironically, just as everyone seemed to get terribly excited about the race, we lost all interest in it. And it wasn't just because Obama was on a clear path to victory. It just saddened us to watch McCain's desperation grow more and more pathetic and his rhetoric become more hollow with every "my friends" and "Joe the Plumber" reference. McCain entered the campaign as one of the most popular politicians in the country, with a near 70% national approval rating. He leaves it having done a complete 180-degree about-face into irrelevance.

Well, were there 10 examples enough in there? If not, here's our Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Barack Obama Today (assuming you haven't voted already and aren't able to have a Diebold machine and reverse your vote):

10. Obama has energized young people like never before. And studies show young people are better informed on the issues than the over 30 crowd.

9. Even Stephen Colbert had to sort of "break character" and endorse Obama. Yep, it was necessary.

8. A Missouri newspaper, which had called the civil rights marchers "Negro trash" in a front page headline in 1963, endorsed Barack Obama yesterday. If Obama can't help solve the still-lingering racial issues in our union, no one can.

7. After eight years of the worst President in American history, Ralph Nader would be welcome. But you know who wouldn't? A guy who promises to continue the policies of that worst President.

6. After eight years of the worst speaker in Presidential history, a guy who gets knocked for his "good speeches" by a Vice Presidential candidate who ~~doesn't even know what the fuck she's talking about~~ (excuse me, that was impolite) doesn't even know what a Vice President does is going to be much more tolerable.

5. Don't believe the McCain spin: Barack Obama is going to cut taxes on the middle class. He has to-- he knows that not only would conservatives call him on it, but liberals would be right there with them. He won't take away your guns either, unless you own rocket launchers and intend to use them.

4. Because he picked a gaffe-laden candidate with a good heart and the right experience to balance the ticket, while the other guy picked the very personification of a gaffe, a Governor with a thirst for vendettas, love of the worst kind of discourse, and relishes lying in a way that would warm the heart of Richard Nixon.

3. Healthcare for many Americans vs. healthcare for the rich. Social security vs. privitization. Tax cuts for the middle class or a soaring national debt. War in Iran vs. better diplomacy first. Hope vs. cynicism. Experience vs. Ineptness.

2. Sarah Palin. It bears repeating. There is little doubt she will be President before 2012 if McCain is elected. That alone would disqualify her ticket from getting a vote, no matter which party it comes from.

1. We need you. This is a personal plea from all of us. We don't care if you're in Nevada, Oregon, Montana, or here in New York, where Obama will "win anyway." You have nothing better to do today, and that includes eating, working, and using the restroom. That's no joke. And damn it, you get free Ben & Jerry's-- and since you have to vote to get it, it might as well be for someone who at least seems to care about us, no matter what else you think about him. The same can't be said for the other names on the ballot...

That is all. Now go.

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Did You Vote? Then Babeland Would Like To Give You A Free Sex Toy...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:28:00 GMT

Ben & Jerry's... Starbucks... or Toys in Babeland?

Which establishment will you hit up first with your "I Voted" sticker on? All three are offering delicious giveaways in honor of tomorrow's Electoral Grudgefest...

According to your favorite islamofascist news network (MSNBC!), Babeland is giving away $15-20 in sex toys, for starters:

Babeland, with stores in New York, Los Angeles and Seattle, is offering a pair of self-gratifying incentives for voters who present their registration cards, ballot stubs or “word of honor” that they voted next Tuesday.
The rewards are no-so-subtle reminders of this year’s campaign rhetoric. For men, it’s the “Maverick,” a "sleeve" for self-pleasuring. According to a press release, “He’s always there to lend a hand, he works for every man, and he bucks the status quo.” Women can choose the “Silver Bullet” mini-vibrator, which is “a magical solution to difficult problems” and “a great stress-reliever during these troubled economic times!” The promotion lasts through Nov. 11.

Meanwhile, Starbucks is giving away "a free brew" (you only need to enter into the honor system for that) and Ben & Jerry's is giving out free scoops from 5-8pm, with no indication of voting requirement.

So, vote in the morning, get a free coffee, work (or, better yet, GOTV), then hit up Ben & Jerry's at 5, swing by Babeland for the Silver Bullet (kind of a creepy name for a Presidential election, but whatever), and have a fun evening no matter who wins.

Via MSNBC.

Related:

Vote Girl: Disenfranchised

Wired Magazine Tracking Real-Time Voter Fraud... So You Know Where To Not Vote

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Does Obama's Infomercial Belong on the Top 20 List of Campaign Ads?

Emily Farris — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 20:43:00 GMT

Were you one of the 33.5 million Americans who watched Barack Obama's 30-minute infomercial earlier this week?

We missed it, but we must agree with Nerve's Top 20 Campaign Ads of All Time, that Lynden Johnson's "daisy girl" ad was, quite possibly, the most effective campaign ad ever.

But given the rest of the list, do you think Obama should have made the cut?

[The 20 Greatest Political Campaign Ads of All Time]

While You Were Sleeping: Halloween Edition

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

(Un-)happy Halloween, everyone: a woman's memories of life with her serial killer Dad.

A disturbing mugshot is the capper for a drama teacher's teaching career, which follows her arrest for having sex with three teenage boys.

A woman's dying wish was to vote for Barack Obama. Luckily, she cast her ballot (hopefully it'll be counted, goddamn it) and within the hour, she passed away.

Check out this creepy interview with Joe Francis, in which he claims Lindsay Lohan isn't a lesbian... even though she's a lesbian.

All kidding aside, this is truly horrible: Jennifer Hudson's nephew is believed to have shot dead in the SUV his body was found in.

A man was arrested for refusing to pay extra after a friend ate off his buffet plate. He was hauled off to jail kicking and screaming. (Okay, maybe not, but we wanted to keep the Halloween theme going.)

Another reason to vote Obama: we need Supreme Court Justices who understand the First Amendment. For God's sake, these nutjobs won't even allow swear words in their courtrooms during a case involving our First Amendment right to use swear words. The idea of McCain bringing in two or more folks just these is... truly scary.

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Election Nightmare Video Scarier Than Saw V, For Sure

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:46:00 GMT

John McCain spoke in front of a large rally in Pottsville, Pennsylvania on Monday and was met by a few dozen demonstraters, and, as often happens at these things, the discourse quicky turned vitriolic...

In this video, a man can clearly be heard shouting "Bomb Obama" on multiple occasions and then saying he knows people who will shoot the Senator from Illinois if he becomes President. We always caught wind of a guy who claims to be a Democrat (somehow we doubt that) saying he could never vote for a black man.

With the polls tightening, although Obama expanding his lead in several red and swing states, we are certainly going to see more of this fear, hatemongering, racism, and general unpleasantness in the next five days. (Memo to McCain supporters: if your only reasons for not supporting Obama are guys he served on a school board with or the fact that you heard he was "born in Kenya," maybe you should do some fact checking before talking to people with cameras.)

By the way, see also this HuffPo piece: McCain Funded Work Of Palestinian His Campaign Hopes To Tie To Obama

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Sloppy Seconds: Phillies Fan Gives Her Team A Big Boost

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 21:29:00 GMT

Vietnam believes small chests are unhealthy and that thin people shouldn't operate motor vehicles. Believe it or not, this is a health initiative.

T.I. voted in Georgia, despite being a convicted felon and a guy we didn't think would ever show up to vote.

This top 10 list of "Things I Hate Absolutely Hate About Heteronormative Dating" doesn't always hit the nail on the head, but these entries we can agree with:

3. If you show emotion too early on or too much of it, you are needy.

8. If you have sex too early you ruined it.

9. If you don't have sex early on you are a prude.

The rest can be found here.

A man stole a male "enhancement" cream (in quotes because it doesn't do anything-- or so we've heard, we swear), tried it out in the store's bathroom, failed to satisfy himself, checked out the Barbie dolls, exposed himself in the aisle, and returned to the bathroom to try again. Yep, that's pretty much all there is to that story.

This guy is either drunk or a McCain campaign worker trying to muck things up.

That naughty Shakira... she made everything think she was pregnant, but it turned out it was just a publicity stunt for her new album. Blah.

And today's Miss CoEd at CoEd magazine is Erika Nicole, who really wants the Phillies to win tonight, so much show that she's willing to leak dozens of photos of herself in very little clothing to give the team a morale, um, boost.

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Vote Girl: Disenfranchised

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:51:00 GMT

If you noticed my absence yesterday, it was because I flew to Missouri early in the morning to do some book publicity throughout the week and hopefully some GOTV around election day.

Considering I was going to be here on November 4, I stopped by the Brooklyn office of the New York State Board of Elections the day before I left to cast an early vote for Barack Obama. I was really, really excited. Not only is voting a pretty emotional experience for me, but for the first time (save voting for a local public advocate candidate) I was going to vote for someone I really believed in, someone who really inspired me.

New York state allows early voting. One simply goes to the Board of Elections in his or her borough, fills out an application for an absentee ballot and is given the ballot on the spot to fill out. I did this in 2004 (I was in Ohio getting out the vote) and though the process was a little tedious, it seemed like an okay system to me. I voted and was on my way to Ohio, bright eyed and bushy tailed, thinking I was going to save the world with my GOTV super powers.

Fast forward four years. I'm not exactly working so hard to save the world, but I am working. So Monday I went into the board of elections around 5 p.m. to vote.

Except, I didn't get to.

There were more people than I expected. How exciting, I thought, all of these people have turned out to vote early. But all of these people were people who'd been waiting there all day. The entire state voter database, apparently, was down.

I panicked. If I couldn't vote today, I couldn't vote. I hadn't filed for an absentee ballot and there was no way I could make it back to New York in time for election day. But I figured I'd try to play it cool, if I wanted someone to help me in the final hour, I needed to be nice, and calm. I put my name on the waiting list (#105), took my application for an absentee ballot and a clip board and sat down.

People were buzzing around. Some worked for the Board of Elections and were trying to calm down potential voters who'd been waiting hours to vote. Others were making announcements to the crowd that the entire system was down and there was nothing they could do.

The clock was ticking. The office closed at 9 and I had some place to be at 7:30.

I very calmly approached the desk and asked if I could just have my absentee ballot and take it with me.

"The system is down."

"Right, but can't I just get my ballot?"

It turned out that unlike on election day, when all of the voter information is printed in books and voters are crossed off after they vote, if you vote early in New York, your information has to be pulled from the database... the computer. With the computers down, there was no way they could pull up my identifying information, there was no way they could confirm if I was a registered voter and there was nothing to prevent me from filling out an ballot here (except that the system was down) and then showing up on election day to vote again.

I tried to look up my voter identification number on my phoneputer, but I, too, was told the database was down. I wondered if this would not have been a problem if I actually carried around my voter registration card.

"Well, can I fill out an affadavit ballot?"

"Nope, that's only available on election day."

"Well, can I leave my application here and can you mail me my ballot?"

"No, you need to mail in your application."

"Yeah, but I'm here and it's here and it's filled out and it's supposed to come here anyway."

"Yes, but it needs to be postmarked."

I was starting to lose my cool. As were some other people in the crowd. One very large man, whose neck fat had worn the edges off of his collar, was pacing and sweating and asking more questions than I was. He looked like he'd come from a very stressful day on Wall Street and this obviously wasn't helping matters.

Another woman was yelling at the clerk. "If I'd have known I was going to wait three hours I'd have gone shopping and had some dinner!"

As much as I wanted to yell, I did what I do best, what I did every semester in the financial aid office: I got weepy. I went to the desk and put on my best (and very earnest) sad face.

"Hi, I understand there's nothing you can do about the computers, but I leave tomorrow at 7 a.m. and I can't not vote in this election. I just can't. It means too much to me. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't vote."

The woman told me to speak to the supervisor. I gave the exact same spiel. She told me she'd take my application, enter it when the system was back up, and mail a ballot to my mom's house.

I'll believe it when I see it.

In the mean time, watch this:

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Video of the Day: The Mourning After

Emily Farris — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 20:29:00 GMT

On November 3, 2004, we were driving a van full of volunteers back from Ohio and we stopped at a gas station in West Virginia to listen to John Kerry cede the election to George W. Bush. It was a sorry sight, a bunch of 20-somethings bawling our eyes out in a 15-passenger van at a gas pump in Appalachia. But we can imagine that was nothing compared to what might be on November 5, 2008 if that one thing that we don't even want to think about happening actually happens... Some filmmakers in Pittsburgh think so, too.

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Wired Magazine Tracking Real-Time Voter Fraud... So You Know Where To Not Vote

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Pictures of "fraud" are boring... so we went with this one instead. Sue us.

Virginia, Georgia, Kentucky, New Mexico, Nevada and other early-voting states are already tilting the election toward Obama... as long as the machines register their votes, of course.

Seriously, though, this year we'll be able to watch our votes disappear in real time, thanks to Wired's awesome new interactive map...

You can check out the map here... when you do, note the following interesting complaints:

1) A voter in Chicago complains he was challenged by an inspector and asked for proof of residence at the poll.
2) Long lines at the North Miami Public Library.
3) Incorrect votes recorded in Nevada (people-- make sure to double-check your selections, it can't hurt to spend an extra thirty seconds in that booth.)

Also note the map is just getting underway... it will likely be chock full of chaos within the next week...

Have you voted yet? Let us know if you saw or experienced anything unusual, in the comments. ("There was a black man on the ballot!" does not count.)

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Yes Girls for Obama

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 18:36:00 GMT

In 2004, we had a shirt that says "I only sleep with Democrats." While that absolutely still holds true today, we think giving it up to guys who support Obama, rather than just a political party, is much more passionate. So, we're super excited by this poster that some ladies in Brooklyn put together.

And if this image looks familiar, it should...

It's based on the iconic protest poster of Joan Baez and her sisters taken by Larry Gates in the 1960’s.

[via BUST]

You Can't Drink Beer, Look at Porn and Vote at Home; You Have to Drink Beer, Look at Porn Then GO Vote

Report: Bill and Hillary Did It In A Voting Booth

Sloppy Seconds: Which Olsen Twin Would Like You to Put a Baby in Her?

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:23:00 GMT

A reader sent us this video about what will happen if we don't vote on November 4. It's like our own worst nightmare. Really. [CNNBC]

What happens when a bunch of really smart women (including some Nerve writers) get together to talk about online dating? Utter hilarity. And sad, sad truths. [The Morning News]

Philip Seymour Hoffman is the proud papa of a baby girl. That's going to be one cool kid. [DailyIntel]

Unfortunately even Gay Aiken couldn't save "Spamalot" from closing down at the end of the year. [Yahoo!]

We're sure you've heard about Sarah Palin's $150,000 wardrobe by now, right? [People]

Ashley Olsen wants to get married, Mary Kate, on the other hand, does not. [Us]

[Image]

If You're A Liberal And Terrified Your Vote Won't Count...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

...you won't want to watch this... or read this horror story from West Virginia (who would've thought, just six months ago, West Virginia would be this fierce?)

1) The horror show... this is former NRCC head Tom Davis at the National Press Club, answering a question from the audience about whether the GOP is going to be up to their usual tricks this time around. Remember: this is a GOP-friendly reporter asking a fellow GOPer if the GOP is going to put the band back together, as it were. The response is the most frightening political thing we've seen since Wally O'Dell, the guy in charge of many of Ohio's voting machines in 2004, said he was "committed to delivering [the state's] electoral votes to George Bush."

Note that it isn't so much what he says but how he says it... and the almost sinister laugh from the room. It's the closest thing we've ever seen to the media admitting the GOP is disgracefully and possibly illegally purging voters.

2) In case you think we're exaggerating or even, somehow, imagining that this hasn't been going on for years, here's another classic example:

Virginia Matheney and Calvin Thomas said touch-screen machines in the county clerk's office in Ripley kept switching their votes from Democratic to Republican candidates.

"When I touched the screen for Barack Obama, the check mark moved from his box to the box indicating a vote for John McCain," said Matheney...

When she reported the problem, she said, the poll worker in charge "responded that everything was all right. It was just that the screen was sensitive and I was touching the screen too hard. She instructed me to use only my fingernail."

Even after she began using her fingernail, Matheney said, the problem persisted.

She isn't the only one. The Charleston Gazette has reported that West Virginia is experiencing these problems all over, with election officials attributing the malfunction to "shifting" that occasionally occurs in transporting the machines to the polling sites. No one, of course, had an explanation for why there were all changing only Democratic votes.

More here. Image via Mother Jones.

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Debate #4: McCain Blinks, Misses His Chance

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Debate #4: McCain Blinks, Misses His Chance

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:49:00 GMT

Boy, this John McCain guy is pretty repetitive, huh? If McCain's not saying "my friends" every other sentence, now he's referencing a guy named "Joe the Plumber" so many times that everyone ends up just laughing over the rest of his answers.

Meanwhile, thank God Bob Schieffer at least had some decent questions (bringing up Roe v. Wade and thankfully not just asking the candidates to state their opinions about the decision.) All that matters is what the public thought-- and they thought Obama won by another 20+-point margin. Bye bye, Johnny, bye bye...

1) Here's the Joe the Plumber video you've been dying to see. This is the actual guy, who by now has gotten two hundred million phone calls thanks to all the publicity and probably wouldn't vote for McCain in 10,000 years (whether we're still in Iraq then or not.)

2) This was sent by a friend-- Secret Service much?

We don't really have much more to say about this debate. At this point, nothing really matters except this: are the Republican attempts to disenfranchise as many newly registered voters as possible going to offset Obama's lead in the polls. Vote switching and the lack of voting machines in Democratic districts worked in 2004 Ohio, but will it work in 2008 Virgina, with Obama pulling ahead? It's looking very, very bad for John McCain...

We'll leave you with this, from Overheard in New York:

He Refers to Sarah Palin As "Mama Mia" in Private Moments

Little boy: Mommy, John McCain likes Abba.
Mom: Does he really now? Then you two have something in common.
Little boy: Noooooo!

--College Walk, Columbia University

So How's Your Family? And When'd You Get the Dick?

Man: What the fuck are you doing in here?
Woman: I'm sorry, I just had to pee.
Man: Holy shit! I can't fucking believe it. The first time I see my ex-wife in forty years is in a men's bathroom.

--Picnic House Men's Room, Prospect Park

The second one has nothing to do with this post, but we couldn't resist including it because it's absolutely brilliant. Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

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Obama and McCain Supporters Bring Out the Worst In All of Us

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:08:00 GMT

It seems that Republicans are so desperate to win they'll cheat and Democrats are so scared of any potential cheating that they will try to head off a "stolen" election with a few semi-legal or even illegal tactics of their own...

Here's today's insane roundup... scary, scary stuff... it's enough to make you think Bob Barr might pull it off after all...

1) Absentee voters in upstate New York were mailed ballots listing Barack's last name as "Osama".

The Democratic commissioner apologized profusely, stating that it was merely a typo and that three proofreaders somehow missed it! What other words did they have to check? "Vote" and "fill in one of these bubbles, morons?" Come on, this is just rigoddamneddiculous.

2) FoxNews thinks it has uncovered a case of voter fraud in Ohio. A pair of newlywed Obama supporters have been picking homeless people up and shuttling them to the early-voting polls, where they are allowed to register and vote on the spot, even without proof of residence. Power to the homeless, we say, but Fox disagrees:

Volunteers supporting Barack Obama picked up hundreds of people at homeless shelters, soup kitchens and drug-rehab centers and drove them to a polling place yesterday on the last day that Ohioans could register and vote on the same day, almost no questions asked. [Gasp! You mean they didn't ask them anything beyond "are you registered to vote?" and "okay, can you fill this out?" Oh my God! This may be totally illegal-- letting residents of a state who have lost their homes cast ballots anyway!]

Republicans have argued that the window could lead to widespread voter fraud because officials wouldn't have an opportunity to verify registration information before ballots were cast. [Fox]

3) A man was shot in the face, ostensibly for wearing a racially-charged t-shirt. The shirt? Pro-Obama. The shooter? Reportedly made racist comments at the scene of the shooting. The story here? The shooting was in South London.

If you hear any more evidence of voter fraud (besides the usual federal-law-violating voter purges within 90 days of an election, which is going on as we speak), let us know in the comments section.

Related:

Debate #3: It's Better To Fade Away Than To Burn Out

While You Were Sleeping: Amy Winehouse's Scientology Cure

Boobs for Barack

Let's Take A Look-See At The Ol' Electoral Map...

The Veep Deba(cle): Why Everybody Loses

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Let's Take A Look-See At The Ol' Electoral Map...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:45:00 GMT

While it's still possible that the McCain-Obama race could end in an electoral college tie, it's much more likely that the race will go solidly for one ticket or the other. However, as Andy Sullivan puts it at Reuters:

If McCain wins Virginia, New Hampshire, Florida and Ohio but loses Pennsylvania, Colorado, New Mexico and Iowa to Obama, both candidates could end up with 269 electoral votes.

When put that way, it seems much more realistic that the election won't be decided by voters. (He's winning in Florida, Virginia, and Ohio in most polls, and New Hampshire is very close, and he'll likely lose all four of those states the scenario requires him to lose.) But before you get all freaked out about Dick Cheney or Nancy Pelosi becoming President-By-Default or something, here's what it really looks like is gonna happen... if the election were today...

From Politico:

On "Fox News Sunday," President Bush's former top political adviser, Karl Rove, said he now projects Obama would win 273 electoral votes–enough to take the White House—and has a chance at 102 more. Just two weeks ago, Rove had the two campaigns virtually tied. [Politico]

From Electoral Vote:

Obama 329 McCain 194 Ties 15 [obviously, this is bad for McCain, but in almost all swing states, the race could presumably swing McCain's way over the next 28 days]

Even worse for McCain is this somewhat curious site 270towin, which says that Obama only needs to pick up 10 more electoral votes to be unbeatable, while McCain-Palin need:

107 [and consider the following states "must win"] FL,OH,NC,VA,IN,MO,CO

To further confuse you, here's what many consider the definitive polling map these days, via Real Clear Politics:

Obama/Biden 264
192 Solid 72 Leaning
McCain/Palin 163
158 Solid 5 Leaning
Toss Up 111

Obviously, we're not going to give McCain all 111 of those votes just for the sake of argument... since nothing short of a gay sex scandal can send them careening the Republican's way that fast...

Looks like it's time for McCain to unleash the hounds... or something brilliant and similar soon... as in, yesterday.

Any ideas for what McCain should do now?

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Why is Jessica Alba Wearing This Scary Mask?

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:35:00 GMT

Margh! Jessica Alba, you look terrible. Okay, you look hot-terrible, and we're not all that surprised that you're not smiling. In fact, given your proclivity for the pouty look this isn't too far off from how we've seen you recently, but obviously, you're trying to tell us something.

What ever could it be?

Oh! You want us to vote!

Not bad, Alba. You still haven't quite mastered the art of turning that frown upside down, but you've managed to put it to good use... while still looking hot.

[Declare Yourself]

Related:

Jessica Alba Finally Pops Out a Baby

Jessica Alba Likes "Some Ass"

Jessica Alba's Pregnant -- And Babble Totally Called It

While You Were Sleeping: Jessica Alba's Bondage Ad

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Alba Did What?

Which Co-Star Was Afraid of Jessica Alba's Naked Body Before She Was Pregnant?

Sloppy Seconds: Brad Renfro Dead at 25, Dane Cook on Jessica Alba's Porn and the End of RENT

Have You Seen Jessica Alba's Rack, er Belly, Lately?

Scanner Highs and Lows: This Week Was So Gay

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:32:00 GMT

Highs:

Clay AIken finally came out. And now he's so much cooler.

We think Lindsay Lohan finally came out, too. Even if it was accidental.

We saw the funniest video we've seen in a long, hard time.

McCain fucked up.

Our favorite band is our favoriter band. Huh?

Chocolate chip cookie dough covered cupcakes.

We learned what a woman is really supposed to look like. We think. Maybe.

We talked about some things that needed to be discussed, even if it pissed a few people off.

Lows:

John McCain made us feel a little better about our spending habit.

We drank too much.

We crushed on someone far too young for us.

We got way too excited about our period.

We found a "sex blogger" who's less sexy than we are.

We haven't been asked out on a date in ten months, so we're considering this guy.

[image]

We Love Wilco and Voting, And So Can You!

Emily Farris — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:07:00 GMT

You may not know that we're huge, huge Wilco fans. We may or may not have Wilco lyrics tattooed on the back of our neck and Scanner Emily and Scanner Brian may or may not have kind-of sort-of met over a Wilco ticket via Craigslist. We snuck back from camp to see them one night and drove back the same night (6 hours each way). We've even seen them in Amsterdam. If Jeff Tweedy wanted to put a baby in us, we would most definitely let him.

Now, if it's possible, we love them even more, because we also love voting.

Our Favorite Band Ever covered Bob Dylan's "I Shall Be Released" with Fleet Foxes at a show recently, and they're offering a free download for anyone who pledges to vote in the 2008 Presidential Election.

Pretty sweet deal, right?

Right.

It's simple. All you have to do is go here and pledge to vote. Within 30 seconds you'll have the zip file in your inbox. And it's worth it, or so we like to think. And it's virus free. We promise. We're still here, aren't we? Actually, we're here in sweet, sweet musical bliss.

[Wilcoworld via BoingBoing]

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Jessica Alba's Bondage Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:41:00 GMT

Look out for the Obama Sex Tape e-mails going around. It's a Trojan e-mail, which is kind of the perfect name for it...

The Florida Family Association claims to be responsible for pulling 325 advertisers from the Playboy show "The Girls Next Door," in the interests of decency and other boring reasons. We've never seen the show, but with more than 325 ads, we don't think we have the patience for it....

Sarah McLachlan is going through a divorce. Here she is on why we haven't heard about it already:

“I haven’t said anything about it because I’ve been terrified,” she said. “But I figure … there’s no good time to say it, so I just said it.”

McLachlan and Sood (the drummer in her band) have been married for 11 years and have two daughters, India Ann Sushil, 6, and Taja Summer, 14 months. The Vancouver-based singer described the split as “pretty gross,” but did not elaborate on the causes.

The article goes on to add that two songs on her album, "U Want Me 2" and "Don't Give Up On Us," are likely reflective of the causes. (Based on those titles, we gotta say... poor thing.)

Jessica Alba's new ad for Declare Yourself, a GOTV organization geared to our lazy youth, is probably going to get more coverage than the election. She tries to talk about the elections... but all the questions keep coming back to the bondage...

The dramatic image “really resonates” with the issue of voting, according to the 27-year-old star. “If you don’t register and vote and make a difference, and hopefully change the bad things that are happening in our country, you are essentially just binding and muzzling yourself.”

"Really resonates" translates to "is the only reason anyone would stop to look at the ad and possibly remember to vote because of it, although probably not." Here's a photo:

And it looks like James Franco is going to have to grow a mustache and wear a cloak if he wants to continue attending college in New York.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: James Franco and Sean Penn Go At It

"Acting With James Franco" Comes Pretty Close to Making Us Cry

Jessica Alba Finally Pops Out a Baby

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Scanner Roundtable: What Did We Think About The DNC & Obama's Speech?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:01:00 GMT

According to the Huffington Post, Nielsen says that, in addition to the 80,000 people who saw the speech in person, 38 million people watched Obama the nomination last night on television, "more... than watched the Olympics opening ceremony in Beijing, the final American Idol or the Academy Awards this year."

Well, John McCain's nap could beat the Academy Awards any day, but the real question is: what did we think of the speech?

Early reports are glowing-- at least from the media. But they don't know a damn thing about the public, as evidenced by every story about the election up until Iowa, their wrong guesses on what Obama would say last night, etc. etc.

If you're like us and think the Democratic leadership is generally made up of whimps who have to play nice with a guy who doesn't play nice back, check out this relatively amusing (although pretty thin) John McCain Honorable Attack Generator.

Image via Code Pink.

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Expose The Cover Up-- This Saturday At The National Go Topless Day

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:01:00 GMT

The ladies behind GoTopless.org are putting together a gargantuan nationwide protest honoring the Constitutional right to bare breasteses...

Here's the lineup for Saturday's events, all of which begin at noon unless otherwise noted:

LOS ANGELES: Venice Beach "Where Navy Street meets the sand" on the board walk
NEW YORK CITY: Central Park: Merchants Gate at Columbus Circle (59th Street at the corner of Central Park West and Central Park South), right by the giant Time Warner Mall
MIAMI: South Beach meeting time 12:30 PM -- 7th and Ocean Blvd across from News Cafe. Look for the topless women:))
CHICAGO Lakefront (across from Buckingham Fountain)
HAWAII: Honolulu and Hilo Big island
AUSTIN, TX: Hippie Hollow Park
BERKELEY, CA noon to 1pm Sproul Hall on the Mario Salvio famous "free speech" steps
SANTA FE, NM 1-2pm Alameda Park between Guadalupe and Sandoval
OMAHA NE "Heartland of America Park" near Downtown Omaha, Nebraska, and the parking lot is between Capitol Ave, and Douglas St. on 8th St. a link to the map is as follows. http://maps.google.com/maps?source=ig&q=41.25859%2C-95.926609 (starting time is not noon but 3PM for Omaha.
BLOOMINGTON, IN at the sample gates on campus at Kirkwood and Indiana
DENVER: (on Aug 26) at the door steps of the Presidential Democratic Convention.

Spiritual leader "Rael" says the event will raise awareness that the 14th Amendment, that pesky old footnote indicating we're all equal under the law, means women can go bare-chested if men are permitted to do the same. Some judges have-- gasp-- read this well enough to realize it applies to the cases of women who are arrested or ticketed for baring their breasts.

Thanks, Karen F.!

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Scanner Roundtable: Who's Your VP?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:59:00 GMT

He'll always be our VP... Grandpa Charles W. Fairbanks...

And we mean anyone: Hillary Clinton, Dick Cheney, Martin Sheen, Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords, whoever...

And hurry... Obama's announcement could come at any time, and then you'd only get to pick for McCain...

With seven of the most-named running mates listed to speak at the Republican National Convention, the veepstakes over John McCain’s vice presidential running mate is anyone’s guess.

The convention line-up, which will be held in St. Paul, Minn., from Sept. 1-4, features Connecticut Independent Democratic Sen. Joe Lieberman on the first night; former Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge and Alaska Gov. Sara Palin on the scond night; former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal on the third night; and Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Florida Gov. Charlie Crist on the last night.

The third night is the night the vice presidential nominee will give his acceptance speech. Other speakers that night include Cindy McCain, former eBay CEO Meg Whitman and former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina. [FoxNews]
CBS News has confirmed that Barack Obama's campaign now plans to announce Obama's vice presidential choice to supporters via email and text message on Friday afternoon. (This plan could change, of course.)

He will then appear with his running mate at noon the next day in Springfield, Illinois, CBS News chief political consultant Marc Ambinder reports.

Media reports today have suggested that Indiana Senator Evan Bayh, Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine and Delaware Senator Joseph Biden as the names now atop Obama's list. [CBS]

So, if you had a write-in vote in this "process," who would you pick?

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While You Were Sleeping: Colin Powell To Endorse?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:19:00 GMT

Last night, Colin Powell denied he will endorse Barack Obama and speak at the Democratic National Convention.

Assuming he's not just stalling so an official announcement is given at a more effective time, one has to wonder what Fox News, which broke the "story," had intended. Are they trying to hurt Obama by bringing him up just to put him down? Is Powell really going to endorse McCain and, therefore, pulling the rug out from Obama will make Colin's vote more devastating?

Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol told FOX News exclusively on Wednesday: “He may well give a speech at the Democratic convention explaining his endorsement of Obama.” Kristol, a FOX News contributor [cited] inside sources.

“This is not an absolute done deal, but these people are very confident that Powell will endorse Obama,” Kristol said, adding that he thinks Powell, a Republican, still has “a high respect” for John McCain, Obama’s Republican rival.
“I do not have time to waste on Bill Kristol’s musings,” Powell told ABC News. “I am not going to the convention. I have made this clear.” An endorsement by Powell could go a long way to attracting moderates and wayward Republicans to the presumptive Democratic presidential candidate. [Especially "terrorism and security voters. - Ed.]

How times have changed-- in Ohio in 2004, Democratic districts saw 10-hour long lines while Republicans waited an average of only a few minutes to vote; now, with Democrats controlling much of the government again:

Ohio has created a window in the election calendar that would allow residents instant gratification — register one minute, vote the next. It's also given the campaigns of Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain a chance to bank thousands of first-time voters during that Sept. 30 to Oct. 6 window.

The move will benefit Obama, who enjoys a 2-to-1 lead over McCain among 18- to 34-year-olds, according to a Washington Post-ABC News poll released last month. If Obama's campaign were able to tap into college campuses with one-stop voting, it would add thousands of votes to his tally...

Can this "glitch" and a Powell endorsement help put Obama over the top? Perhaps not, but McCain can't be happy with either...

Via FoxNews and Yahoo!

Vote In Playboy's Sexiest Female Blogger Poll

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 19:47:00 GMT

Or boycott said vote for their non-inclusion of Scanner Emily or Scanner Nicole or Nicole Ankowski or Erin Bradley or... well, yet the point. We think there should be a huge tie for number one, just among our fellow Nerve bloggers...

...but... if you want to see the not-nearly-as-worthy Playboy picks, check out some of our picks, below:

First, there's Violet Blue, below and above, one of our favorite bloggers (sight unseen, of course):

Then there's Sarah Lacy, who is apparently on Yahoo! and some sort of big deal on ValleyWag is definitely the cutest blogger on the list...

Also on the list is Veronica Belmont. According to the article, she is "co-host of the digital technology vlog Tekzilla [and] host of PlayStation's Qore."

There's too much "vlogger" on this list for it to really qualify as a definitive list of hot "bloggers." (For example, none of the Jezebel hotties made it, maybe because they don't look like centerfolds... thank God.)

Via Playboy: Hottest Web Bloggers (Vote!)

Sloppy Seconds: What Happens to Julia Allison's Nipple Does Not Stay in Vegas

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:57:00 GMT

An album recorded by the band Chicago in 1993 is finally being released. Finally! [CNN]

PETA is PETA'd off (sorry, we had to) about that "real girls eat meat" t-shirt Jessica Simpson was sporting, and we actually happened to like. [dListed]

Confession: we didn't vote in the 2000 presidential election (even though we were old enough). Apparently, half of the people in our age group who voted in the primaries this year didn't vote in the 2000 primaries, either. See what happens when young people fail to vote? [MTV]

Uh-oh. Is the world really ready for the next Miley Cyrus? Too bad. [Jossip]

It appears that Anne Hathaway and her billionaire BF have split after four years. [MollyGood]

Someone else did a much better job of writing up the Vegas trip than we did, including Julia Allison's almost nipple slip. Though, a nipple got a boldface mention and we didn't? Boo! [Radar]

And we found possibly — and hopefully — the only picture of us in Vegas. Luckily, our face isn't showing. Neither is our nipple! Also. We are pale. [Flickr]

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