Scanner : underwear

Megan Fox Strips to Underwear for Esquire, Fancy New Camera

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Megan Fox doesn't have anything to promote these days, but that never stops "gentleman rags" from running hot photos of her in an effort to "boost" their "circulation."

This time, however, her appearance on the cover of Esquire, and subsequent shots of her in her underwear, have something to do with Fox's promotion of the semi-new Red Cameras...

Here's what Esquire had to say about using the RedONE on this shoot:

For the first time in Esquire's history (and, we imagine, magazine history in general), a cover image was shot as a video. Using the RedONE, a video camera that captures images at four times the resolution of high-definition, photographer-director Greg Williams recorded ten minutes of loosely scripted footage with Fox — getting out of bed, rolling around on a pool chair, inexplicably lighting a barbecue. "It allowed her to act," Williams says. "She could run scenes without being reminded by the sound of a shutter every four seconds that I was taking a picture. As in still photography, a lot of it is capturing unexpected moments. This takes that one step further."

This, by the way, is the same camera that Che, Angels and Demons, and My Bloody Valentine 3D were shot with. It is rather revolutionary... despite the conventional use of Megan Fox to promote it.

Via Esquire-- these photos will be available on May 10th on newsstands everywhere.

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Kiwis Krazy for Shirtless Servers

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:50:00 GMT

First, there were breastaurants. Now, New Zealand has started a new trend-- dudes dressed like Chippendales dancers waiting on you, hand and foot, in a dining establishment...

They even have a company name that's too absurd to be true, so, of course, it is: Strip of Meat. Man meat, of course. The two gents pictured above are in charge of the waiter-for-hire operation, which is sort of like when Park Avenue socialites called up a Rent-A-Beatnik service in Greenwich Village in 1958 and amused themselves by listening to bad, "deep" poetry. Except with more pecs.

"I wasn't even wearing an apron, just a pair of underpants and a bow tie.

"It was a bit raunchy and made me realise there is a market out there."

The topless waiters were definitely not strippers and would normally be dressed in black trousers with an obligatory bow tie, he said.

Strip of Meat had already done a few hen's nights in Wellington but were also available for baby showers, dinner parties and even corporate functions.

Sign up now, ladies and (gay) gents, as the national news media has already ensured they'll be booked for the next 26 years, until they're all flabby from garbage-mouthing foie gras in your kitchen.

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Schweaty Balls? No Problem!

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 May 2009 21:05:00 GMT

Copalife—the English company that sells stuff for people who are allergic to everything—has taken a cue from the Japanese and created "anti-odour" underwear for men.

According to the Copalife website, "Independent laboratory research shows Copalife technology stops 99.9% of bacteria, fungus and microbes that cause odours and product deterioration."

Hm. Maybe it's the only underwear you'll ever need? And for only £9.99 (which is, what like, $18) it's a pretty good deal.

Sounds kind-of great in theory—and correct us if we're wrong—but don't men generally remember to change their underwear when it starts to smell?

Also: we know a guy or two we bet could make even this underwear smell bad.

[Copalife via Random Good Stuff]

Related:

Japanese Underwear That's Fun to Wear...For Five Days?

Thousands Run Amok In Their Underwear

At Least Amy Winehouse Has Good Taste in Underwear

While You Were Sleeping: Sex Scandal Star Fights Porn

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 May 2009 16:34:00 GMT

Bob Dylan has the #1 record in England, making him the oldest musician to ever hold that spot. Although he has had many more top 5 records there than in the United States, it's his first chart-topper since 1970.

Angela Merkel... in her undies?

An eight-year-old girl was finally allowed to divorce her middle-aged husband.

Here's an in-depth look at Masters and Johnson, who may have faked those "gay conversion" studies, as we reported last week.

A look at life under "socialist" European government.

Donna Rice Hughes was half of the sex scandal that doomed Gary Hart's 1988 Presidential campaign. Now, she's back in the spotlight, fighting pornography.

Wanna see someone get waterboarded?

And the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction case drags on.

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Couple Busted For Having Sex At the Queen's Residence, Filming A Japanese Porno

PapSmeared: Mischa Barton Almost Does it Again

Emily Farris — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 20:01:00 GMT

[Image]

Syrian Lingerie Seduces the World

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:58:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: In an article recently published by Der Spiegel, the mysterious world of Syrian lingerie is revealed in no small detail. It turns out that Syria has become a hub of all things exotic, lacy, feathered, musical (yes, musical) and otherwise. Here are a few scintillating samples:

Read more...

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Fight

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

According to Jezebel, the love letter is dead but the breakup e-mail is strong with this generation.

Michelle Rodriguez from Lost flipped out at a wedding-- if you believe this nonsense story.

But what happens when the pants come off? Push-up underwear for men isn't expected to go over big with Croatian women.

The Craigslist Killer may have murdered to help cover his gambling debts. Dumbasses-- don't gamble what you don't have in your bank account or you'll end up like this guy.

If you have a sword and dress like a ninja and are attempting to commit robberies, a dry cleaner is probably low on your list of priorities.

While wife Amy suffered burns on her leg due to... um... "a cooking accident," Blake Fielder-Civil has demanded his lover allow him to take a paternity test.

A woman who works for Fox61 in Connecticut was arrested twice in three hours in the same neighborhood and by the same officer, both times for driving drunk.

The Seinfeld adult film spoof is real... and features the Porn Nazi.

And a 52-year-old stripper, enjoying her first day on the job, was stabbed in the eye by a jealous co-worker.

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We Finally Figured Out Why Marilyn Manson Dumped Dita Von Teese...

It's Like Reefer Madness But With Dogs

Politician Probably Should've Taken Down Scandalous Facebook Profile First

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:26:00 GMT

This might be the first case of a political photo scandal on the internet eventually finishing off a politician's career. Ray Lam must be cursing the very existence of Facebook after two photos posted to his account caused him to drop out of an electoral grudge match.

Lam, who took down his Facebook account yesterday after the leak hit the Canadian press (the images above are of other Ray Lam's), didn't delete the photos from the web fast enough...

This photo, along with another one depicting Lam groping a woman's breasts, cost the candidate his standing in British Columbia's New Democratic Party and his spot on the ticket in a civil race. This is a setback for Canadian Scanner readers, for sure, as the Globe and Mail makes clear:

Mr. Lam's website says that he has a background in social services and non-profit groups.

Mr. Lam has been involved for several years with the Pride Society, a Vancouver-based advocacy group for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered community. According to a Pride Society web site, Mr. Lam has been involved in several community organizations and was chair of Youthquest, Lesbian & Gay Youth Society of British Columbia.

So, if he's interested in all this gay activism, there is a strong possibility he's a homosexual, which means he wasn't even bothering these people sexually. Oh well-- behold the power of Facebook: it can't find anyone who believes it will last another two years, but it can bring down politicians with harmless "risque photos." Scary.

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We Finally Figured Out Why Marilyn Manson Dumped Dita Von Teese...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:33:00 GMT

For a long time, we thought Marilyn Manson was crazy for dumping his new wife, Dita Von Teese (Dita Von TEESE, for God's sake!) for some teenage actress named Evan Rachel Wood. Wood, we thought, wasn't even the femme fatale type, while Von Teese is practically the textbook definition. Then again, it's our own fault for not realizing Marilyn Manson was crazy beforehand.

Now comes word that a) Marilyn Manson has apologized to Von Teese for leaving her in the lurch and b) has gotten back together with his onetime flame. Wood, meanwhile, is moving rapidly toward stardom thanks to the new Woody Allen movie and this GQ photo spread...

Despite her breakout roles in mainstream movies like The Wrestler and scandal-free lifestyle, she still scares the crap out of us. (In her GQ interview, she laments the loss of her pet rats.) After all,

this is the girl who, at age 19, shot a blood-spattered sex scene with her boyfriend, Marilyn Manson, for one of his rock videos.
More recently, she was linked with her Wrestler co-star, the 56-year-old Mickey Rourke. “There was no truth to it, and it was so annoying,” says Wood, now 21, who is back with Manson after “taking some time” away from the relationship. Of Rourke, she says: “The friendship was intimate and nice, and this makes it weird.”

Via GQ.

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PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:26:00 GMT

Back in February, we advised you to vote for PETA's Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door 2009. There were loads of hot men and women in the running, many of them pictured in their underwear with bulges or major cleavage-- but thankfully, never both.

The ~~People Eating Tasty Animals~~ People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals have finally announced the winners and they're not who we expected...

As you may recall, we nominated the following gals: Alexia from New York City; Amy from Port Angeles, WA; Brooke from Ogden, UT; Giselle from Miami, FL; and Sunny from North Hollywood, CA.

Sadly, our advice was ignored and the winner is...

There's nothing wrong with Amber-- nothing wrong, that is, unless you're disappointed that PETA, supposedly secretly a feminist hive, prefers blondes. How original. (Okay, really, we were just rooting for Sunny to take the top prize...)

Amber, a [Minnetonka] Minnesota native, decided to go vegetarian after reading the book Skinny Bitch and doing research on making the switch, and she's thrilled with the results! In addition to feeling stronger both mentally and physically, she loves knowing that her carbon footprint is smaller, thanks to her vegetarian diet. Amber is the very proud guardian of several rescued animal companions, and she spends time volunteering for the Minnesota Boxer Rescue. She even lets her love for animals carry over into her work as a photographer. Check out the cute companion animal gallery on her Web site to see for yourself! Amber's major turn-ons are confidence, bad boys who have a heart for animals, tattoos, and creativity.

By the way, the winner for the Sexiest Male Vegetarian Next Door is... Monty.

Monty, 33, [of Los Angeles, CA] initially switched to a vegetarian diet for health reasons, but after he learned how factory farming affects animals and the environment, his convictions were reinforced, and he recently went vegan! Monty owns a visual-arts firm, and his photos capture the essence of a wide variety of timely issues, including President Barack Obama's presidential campaign. Monty shares his home with Zeus, a Chihuahua he took in after he found him wandering on Hollywood Boulevard. Monty considers analytical minds and compassionate hearts to be turn-ons and is turned off by people who aren't open-minded. He loves to travel and will soon retrace the steps of the man who discovered the North Pole.

Both win separate trips for two to Hawaii. One has to wonder what all the Hawaiians in the running were in it for...

Via PETA.

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Test Drive: Ginch Gonch

Emily Farris — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:43:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Okay, first things first: what the hell is a Ginch Gonch? According to the ever-handy Urban Dictionary, Ginch = old school men's briefs, and Gonch = well, let's just say it means nasty old tighty-whities. So why in the world would I want to test drive nasty men's tighty-whities? As you can see from the photo above, Ginch Gonch is a bit of a misnomer (intentional, I'm sure). These panties combine all the nostalgia of little boy Underoos with the fanciness of Victoria's Secret.

Read on for the extremely intimate test drive:

"Britain's Sexiest Teacher" In Hot Water After Steamy Photo Shoot

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:10:00 GMT

Natasha Gray, voted Britain's Sexiest Teacher in a phone survey following a television show seven years ago, is (finally) back in the news again for doing the only thing that could ever upset a British parent: not being able to live on a teacher's salary.

Apparently, some parents were worried about their children being taught by a woman who models in the near-nude... and here we thought Britain was more enlightened about the female form than their American counterparts...

Some kid who couldn't keep his or her mouth shut (who talks to their parents about what goes on at school anyway?) told his/her mom that Gray had lingerie photos up on iModel, a website for aspiring underwear champions. The woman wrote an anonymous letter to the school informing them of the photos, which she said was "disgusted" by the "inappropriate" spread.

"I assume the pupils have a good giggle about it but I find it rather crass."

Well, my dear, if teachers were banned from doing anything one single person finds offensive, the only thing they could do was sit absolutely still and keep their eyes closed. In other words, find something better do with your time, mom.

Meanwhile, "Tasha" has been told she will not be fired, but that the school hopes she knows that this will go down on her permanent record.

Via various English media sources and iModel.

Related:

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Here's A Kind of Teacher Sex Story We've Never Seen Before...

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Japanese Underwear That's Fun to Wear...For Five Days?

Colleen Kane — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:13:00 GMT

It's always handy for one's underwears to be flame-resistant and anti-static, but now the Japanese have invented underwear that does all that and takes it a few steps further: it's anti-bacterial, anti-odor, and can be worn for more than a week straight.

But, um, why would anyone want to? What's the practical purpose for this?

Astronauts-- and, on a more applicable level for non-astronauts, travel. Koichii Wakata, who has been testing these drawers out, is the first Japanese astronaut living on the International Space Station, which has no laundry facilities. And taking baggage into space is expensive, so you can see how extended-wear underwear would be useful.

Still, we're not quite sold. Maybe the underwear wouldn't smell, ~~butt~~ but...

Man Steals Underwear from Victoria's Secret, We Share Our Victoria's Secret

Agent Provocateur Wants You to Eat Kate Moss and Buy Crotchless Underwear

At Least Amy Winehouse Has Good Taste in Underwear

Emily Farris — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 15:58:00 GMT

With everything going on in Amy Winehouse's life these days, it's good to know she still has the wherewithal to put on cute—and seemingly clean—panties. She would like you to know, er see, this.

Related:

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Amy Winehouse Gets Naked. For a Good Cause. For Real.

Really? "Sleeping?"

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: The Pope Spreads a Little AIDS With His Gospel

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 22:38:00 GMT

Fifty-seven-year-old Ralph Reese was fired from his job as a clerk at Whole Foods after he took a tuna sandwich out of a trash can at the end of his shift, this violated the company's policy that food cannot be takine without being paid for. [CityRoom]

"Not an Onion headline: Gwyneth Paltrow's Bikini Waxer to Pen Book About 'Being Sexy'" [LustyLady]

Taylor Swift still does not want to talk about sex. [People]

What kind of douchebag puts fake money in a stripper's underwear? This kind. [AP]

At a SXSWi panel today, a blogger for PETA asked the icanhazcheeseburger guy how he could make the PETA blog funny. Pamela Anderson's lettuce bikini is a good start, no? [Inquisitr]

Pope Benedict “What Holocaust?” XVI is at it again, this time claiming that condoms are not the answer to the AIDS crisis in Africa. The pontiff, speaking to journalists on his flight, said the condition was "a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems". Whaaaaaat? [Guardian]

[Image via PETA]

Spider-Man Wants To Get Into Your Pants

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:12:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Literally, I mean:

Burlesque Star Wants To Spice Up Your Valentine's Day

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:46:00 GMT

Unfortunately, she did not offer to come to our house for a champagne-soaked threesome, but burlesque babe Ava Garter (yuk yuk yuk) proposed the next best thing: some fashion tips to rock your Valentine's Day this year.

For a change, they're actually quite good. Usually, the best V-Day advice is something akin to "stay in, get liquored up, dim the lights, break out the massage oil, and get down to business." But as she tells the Los Angeles Times, Garter has better ideas for this Saturday night.

Here are our favorite excerpts from the interview:

[On wearing that black dress you have hidden away:] A black dress should have a back or side zipper; you wouldn't want to get into a seduction scene and tug it over your head.

It's always very sexy to go with a pretty black bra, black garter belt, black panties with a bow and a nude sheer stocking. Black is slimming, and a nude stocking makes your legs look much longer.

For the bedroom, you can use a pair of black gloves as a tool for seduction that's very cheap -- remove them very slowly, one at a time, and take as long as you like.

If you're having dinner with your boyfriend or husband for Valentine's Day, touch up your lipstick very slowly in front of him and let him watch. Eyelashes are a fetish for me.
Pasta is inexpensive, easy and really romantic [for a perfect night in.]
One of the best gifts you can give a man is the gift of you, sharing time together and letting him off the hook for buying you something--

All right, that's enough. Don't get all sappy on us, Ava...

More with Ava Garter via the LA Times.

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Will You Be Our Sexy Valentine?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:26:00 GMT

Prepare yourself... Valentine's Day is coming, which means you'll be subjected to 10,824 posts about it between now and the weekend.

You can bribe us into near silence, though, by buying and sending us one of these sexy V-Day gifts...

The old cliche/joke here at Scanner is that we're all secret lesbians, so it's only natural we would turn to GO Magazine, the monthly publication for gay ladies in various American cities. This month, they've published a multi-page portfolio of the greatest of this year's V-Day sex toys and other treats we've been too naughty not to receive:

1) The Forever Yours Vibe

2) The Pink Kink Kit. Says Babeland:

Bondage beginner? You’ll find sugar and spice and everything naughty in our super-sexy, non-intimidating Pink Kink Kit, making bondage affordable, fashionable and very appealing. An innocent pink mesh bag holds a heart-emblazoned, comfortable leather blindfold, an adorable pink leather 11” whip with a teasing sting, and a snap-to-fit leather collar that reads SEXY (as if it weren’t obvious!).

3) Two-Person Home Sauna. Ever had sex in a sauna? We're not sure if that one time was a daydream or the real thing, but either way, it wasn't worth this $3,000 price tag. Although, hey, if you're buyin'...

4) Dirty Dolls Lingerie

Check out all 23 pages of selections from GO Magazine.

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Mischa Barton Forgets to Cross Her Legs (Apparently This is News) We Have Pictures

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 14:19:00 GMT

So just what color underwear does a young starlet like Mischa Barton wear to Paris Fashion Week?

Those are pretty.

Related:

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Mischa Barton's Nip Slip

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[Images]

Hot or Not? Victoria Beckham in Armani Underwear

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:56:00 GMT

Victoria Beckham has always struck us as the kind of woman Brits go crazy for, but the rest of the world cannot get into. If she weren't married to the top footballer, would the world remember her or would she just fall into obscurity, along with the rest of the Spice Girls?

Having recently signed a 12-million-pound modeling deal, Victoria will definitely be in the public eye on her own a lot more, and, if this keeps up, might be able to win us over...

'There are loads of things I don't like about my body', she said. 'I've got so much saggy skin on my stomach.'
The pictures of Victoria, which will grace billboards and magazines are from her first shoot in the three-year multi-million pound deal.

What do you think of her new Armani campaign? Are we done with her, can we move on?

Photos via Telegraph.

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Our Favorite Leftover Photos of 2008

Thousands Run Amok In Their Underwear

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:41:00 GMT

While most of the country tried not to freeze to death over the weekend, we got an early preview of the best and worst legs on the east coast on Saturday.

Well, that's not really what the No Pants! Subway Ride is about (we think that has something to do with rampant near-nudity and amusing those not in the know), but you can't help but notice that, hey, people aren't covering up with 18 layers of fabric! It's like summer all over again...

We want to marry the badass riding the DC Metro (?) with her bike-- the one with "BANANAS" printed on her underwear. Yowza.

Yes, the pointeless pantsless subway ride... if you missed it, you can also check out Flickr... or watch this video and pretend you were there...

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While You Were Sleeping: The No Pants Ride

Pamela Anderson Forgets to Wear Pants... Yet Again

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:59:00 GMT

Pamela Anderson must be getting forgetful with age. She left the house without wearing pants for the second time in two weeks. We can't decide if this time was better or worse than the last. Check out the view from behind and let us know...

Now, you might be thinking 'what are you doing showing us Pamela Anderson's ass?' Well, folks, didn't she kind-of ask for it? But in all seriousness, as gross as we think Pam is, we hope our ass looks that good at that age. We, of course, will keep it covered with pants, or maybe a skirt, but still...

Related:

Pammy Forgot to Wear Pants

Pamela Anderson to Give Nude Revue in Paris?

Pamela Anderson's Boobs Did Not Kill Hugh Hefner

[Images]

And They Said It Wouldn't Last

Emily Farris — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:19:00 GMT

Hey, you guys! Guess what? Exactly one year ago today, I made my first post on Scanner.

You didn't think I'd make it this long, did you? Honestly, neither did I.

Some of you were, and have continued to be, total assholes to me. But, for the most part, I've really enjoyed this last year. You were there for me through my Scrabulous addiction, you kept me entertained when I broke my wrist, and welcomed me back with open arms after I returned from my Wet, Hot American Summer 13 pounds heavier.

Plus, as long as you keep reading Scanner I will continue to get paid for working in my underwear. We all win.

I know you'd like to get me a gift to celebrate this momentous occasion, and what better gift can you give than buying my book? Someday I might actually make royalties off that thing, and then I'll have you, my loyal Scanner readers, to thank. If you'd like a signed copy for the holidays (and who wouldn't?) buy it here and I'll sign it before she ships it. Promise.

Stay tuned for Scanner Emily's Top 10 Scanner Moments of 2008 and a sequel to my Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2007.

Love,

Scanner Emily

P.S. I still haven't told my dad who I write for.

P.P.S. Now I'll give you something. Two of my favorite songs by one of my favorite songstresses, Jenny Lewis.

Related:

Scanner Emily's Top 10 Lessons Learned in 2007

But What Will I Tell My Dad?

Scanner Bryan and Scanner Emily Meet in the Real World, Take Bad Camera Phone Pictures

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Travel to the Future, And We Like It

Emily Farris — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:41:00 GMT

A cure for AIDS? A black president? Pregnant men? The ability to put our own faces inside of our vaginas? Welcome to the future, baby.

Highs:

Did German doctors discover a cure for HIV? Or was it AIDS?

Speaking of the future, it is now possible to have our own face inside our own vagina.

The pregnant man is pregnant again... yay?

Scanner Brian and his cronies pulled a prank on New York.

Men, you can keep it up longer with a little help from a spray... as long as you don't mind the fact that you won't be able to feel your penis.

But post-menopausal women can now feel everything thanks to a new gel.

Didn't you know we like it from behind?

Lows:

We got in a fight with some Mormons over Proposition 8.... over Facebook.

We decided we're leaving New York.

Is this our future?

Either way, it's a damn good thing we wear cheap underwear.

Poor Lindsay Lohan is still confused about her sexuality.

Feet. Gross.

We debated the attractiveness of certain celebrities.

Oh, and we lost the Obama interview to 60 Minutes.

Sloppy Seconds: The Craigslist Crackdown on Hookers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:53:00 GMT

The awesome sounding Ghostbusters game, featuring the original cast and creators, will be out in 2009, thanks to Atari, who rescued the franchise.

A heartbreaking post from a lesbian mom in California is here. Madonna, meanwhile, attacked Prop 8 in an LA concert and had Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake perform live with her, albeit at separate times.

A male major in the Japanese air force was busted for shopping for women's underwear... while naked.

Kanye West broke his media silence to give an interview in Singapore about what the Beatles mean to him.

Race was not a factor in the election in West Virginia. Take that, Bill Clinton!

Samantha Who star Christina Applegate will undergo reconstructive surgery following her double mastectomy.

Michelle Monaghan gave birth to a wee lil' gal.

And Craigslist will no charge $10 per erotic service ad, in an apparent attempt to crush the human trafficking that's been going on there.

The Giant Penis Is Watching Over You

Sloppy Seconds: The Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Controversy

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

Man Steals Underwear from Victoria's Secret, We Share Our Victoria's Secret

Emily Farris — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:36:00 GMT

I consider myself a novelty thief (a salt shaker here, a candle from the Heath Ledger bar there) but I have to give a guy some novelty credit for stealing a buttload of underwear from a Victoria's Secret in Dallas. And ever since my own unfortunate incident in a Victoria's Secret fitting room, I can't help but smirk a little at this.

Last year, in the throes of writing the casserole book and eating, like, 8 casseroles a week, I desperately needed to invest in a girdle (yes, women still wear those), so I set off for my nearest Victoria's Secret, thinking they'd be, you know, discreet. When I asked if they had the nude in a larger size, a woman yelled across the room to her colleague: "Do you have this girdle in a large for this lady?"

They didn't.

So, I decided to try on the medium. The tighter it is, the more it sucks... and sucking is what I was going for. After I wiggled my way into it and witnessed the girdle's amazing sucking powers, I thought I'd buy it and I started to take it off. But I couldn't. I was stuck. In a girdle. In a Victoria's Secret. In Brooklyn. After a few minutes of trying to get out if, I asked the sales associate, who had so graciously yelled my size and purchase across the room, to help me get out of it. And what did she do? She laughed at me.

Ten minutes and one pulled shoulder muscle later, I got the fucking girdle off, all by myself.

So, yeah, forgive us if we think it's hilarious that a man stole 160 pairs of underwear, worth about $1,000" from a Victoria's Secret in Texas. According to reports, he snatched the undies from a table and sped off with his accomplice (who held the door) in a green car.

[Local 6: $1,067 Worth Of Underwear Snatched]

Woman Injured By Victoria's Secret Thong

The Last Four People in the World Trying to Keep Victoria's Secret

[Image via victoriassecret.com]

28 Things to Do With a Bra Besides Put Your Rack in It

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:46:00 GMT

Yep, turns out bras aren't just for wearing anymore. According to Knickers Blog there's a world of use for those old, saggy, discolored bras you usually just bury at the bottom of your draw until laundry day desperation forces you to tie one on for the sake of decency.

For example, you can make a lavender sachet with your worn out underwear:

Or throw it in a frame and hang that shit on the wall:

Right, what could be better decoration or air freshner than grubby underwear? Frankly we have little interest in a bra without a lady in it, but for those of you who answer to the call of the craft there are 26 equally novel uses here.

Paris Hilton: A Pedophile with a Message

Emily Farris — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:02:00 GMT

In our attempt to track down the entire "Paris Hilton for President" video (because we know you're just dying to watch it), we came across Ms. Hilton's official YouTube page. Front and center was a video from 2006 we've never seen, for a song we've never heard.

Anyway, we found this video. And it's so wrong in so many ways. Watch Paris gyrate on a 12-year-old in his bedroom (er, in his dreams?) while she wears only tightie whities and the message "Dare to Dream" flashes across the screen.

Paris Hilton, You and You Alone (and Maybe Nicole Ritchie) Can Stop Puppy Mills

And Your Little Dog, Too: Attack on Paris Hilton's Pups?

Paris Hilton Punks the Paparazzi

Mean Girls: Paris Hilton Calls Former BFF's Ass "Cottage Cheese Inside a Trash Bag"

Caption This: Paris Hilton Visits An Orphanage

Eva Mendes to America: Take Your Nip Slip Censorship and Shove It

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:31:00 GMT

Eva Mendes opened up about her too-hot-for-TV Calvin Klein ad, and told Vogue what the rest of us already knew: we're a country of uptight prudes.

"I love my country, but I believe that we are too quick to censor nudity," the actress, 34, tells the Spanish edition of Vogue in its November issue. "We seem okay with violence, but nudity we race to criticize and censor. I'm not at all ashamed or frightened about showing my body."

Amen, Eva. But even People can only handle that much, because once that nudity business is out of the way, what could have been a good article about sexiness and censorship turned into yet another mass market article on trying too hard. Apparently, the rest of us should be ashamed or frightened of showing our bodies if we don't look like Mendes.

The secret to her sexy shape? Simple: Diet and exercise. "I try not to go crazy, but yes, I pay attention to what I eat," she says. (Since her stint in rehab earlier this year, Mendes has been outspoken about taking care of herself.) "I try to stay away from pasta, bread, cakes, sweets, cookies and ice cream."

If you're not sexy, whatever you do, don't let the real you show; apparently it's "less sexy."

The actress – currently starring in The Women – also touches on a rather less sexy aspect of herself. Asked about her Latin temperament, she says: "I don't usually lose my temper, but if I get angry, it's true – I'm scary. I scare my boyfriend!"

We actually know plenty of men (and women) who would disagree that the "Latin temperament" is "less sexy."

Anyway, here's that commercial again in case you missed it the first few times we posted it:

[People: Eva Mendes Loves Being 'Sexy']

[Scanner: 'People' Loves Putting 'Sexy' in Quotes... As If It's a Dirty Word]

Related:

Eva Mendes: Too Hot For TV, Way Too Hot For Work

What Kind Of God In Heaven Lets A Topless Eva Mendes Photoshoot Go This Wrong?

Eva Mendes Calvin Klein Photos Almost As Good As Having Friday Off

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Mendes' New Underwear Modeling Gig

Eva Mendes Would Rather Go Naked

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Olympic Mania

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 13:12:00 GMT

The 1982 and 1986 gubernatorial elections in California do not bode well for Obama's candidacy in 2008-- in a roundabout but interesting way. (As you may have heard, the troubled campaign picked Senate lion Joe Biden to do its Vice Presidential politicking.)

Interestingly, half of this country's conservatives think houses of worship should leave politics alone, up 20% from just a few years ago.

Two scary car crashes this weekend involving celebrities: David and Victoria Beckham as well as four members of Helena Bonham Carter's family...

[Bonham Carter's] cousin Fiona Bonham Carter, 51, escaped with a broken shoulder. But Fiona's son Marcus Egerton-Warburton, 14, her mother Brenda, 74, and stepfather Francis Kirkwood, 75, all died. Fiona's sister-in-law Kay Boardman, 54, also perished in the crash...
[David Beckham was] on the way to Nice airport to catch his plane to China, the pair was involved in a horrific crash, which left their black BMW with a smashed windscreen and extensive damage along the passenger side. David Beckham reportedly smashed the car laterally into a wall - leaving his wife severely shaken.

Beckham was photographed embracing a tearful Victoria in the car and comforting her, before he raced to the departure lounge with her father Tony Adams. Beckham was forced to run to catch his flight, leaving his distraught partner with the wrecked car. [via Starpulse]

A man was arrested for crashing the Olympics while wearing a tutu and women's underwear.

The New York Press on gymnasts who didn't make the cut at the Olympic trials: "Instead of going on to win medals, they have to dress up likes fantasy sailors and do a strip tease to earn a few bucks." See what the writer is talking about here.

This woman points out what we've noticed for a long time: female volleyball players play in sexy outfits, but dudes don't have to wear Speedos. Why is that?

We still don't know who Maxim's #1 girl Marisa Miller is, but Victoria's Secret certainly does...

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