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The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:41:00 GMT

This summer, we gave you the 50 Sexiest Albums of All-Time in an effort to help the music industry's sluggish sales numbers. Now, we present an even sexier compendium-- complete with a few NSFW scenes to warm up your November afternoon-- as well as background and trivia and everything else that we can think of to convince you to rent these the next time you want to seduce somebody...

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All Time: 50-41

50. The Seven Year Itch. Backstory: What more do you need than this, Marilyn Monroe's famous subway grate encounter? Trivia: It has the Joe DiMaggio Seal of Disapproval-- the scene was so sexy, her husband (that guy from the Mrs. Robinson song) fled and never came back. Irnoically, the skirt blowing up? Deleted from the movie itself. Luckily, the rest of the film is brimming with unconsummated sexuality.

49. Casablanca. Backstory: Not even the sexiest movie from 1943, this earns its place here for the most romantic scene in movie history, in our opinion. Watching Bogie decide to do the right thing and send the love of his life off on a plane with her husband is so damn manly of him that, at the mere reminder of this moment, our gonads hang in shame. Trivia: The original ending came very closed to being changed thank to the Allied invasion of Casablanca just before the film was to be released.

48. Cruel Intentions. Backstory: Is it wrong to choose this over Les Liaisons Dangereuses, its predecessor? No, for while Liaisons did have a notable sex scene featuring the breasts of Uma Thurman, it also featured the tongue of John Malkovich and didn't really capture our (sexual) interest throughout. Oddly enough, the sinister and more overt incestuous teasing Sarah Michelle Gellar puts Ryan Phillipe through kept us glued to this otherwise merely grade-B adaptation of the famed French novel. Trivia: The sequel was originally planned as a TV series called Manchester Prep; here's how bad it was: when Fox decided it was too risque for their radical right-wing mindsets, the producers simply slapped the first three episodes together, added a nude scene, and released it straight to video. Yep, it's that good... [NSFW naughtiness starting after the 40-second mark.]

47. Midnight Cowboy. Backstory: If you're over the age of 12, you've hopefully done your civic duty and watched the only (then-)rated X movie to win Best Picture. If you haven't, stop reading and add it to your queue at once. If you've already seen it, then you know the hilarious sex scenes and sexual tension between Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman are only two of the reasons it helped to usher in a new dawn of gritty Hollywood filmmaking. Trivia: The film's famous party scene includes actual Warhol Superstars and the script was written by the great blacklisted writer Waldo Salt.

46. Flashdance. Backstory: While dancing in a lousy Pittsburgh bar and dreaming of studying at a nearby conservatory, Jennifer Beals meets the owner of a steel mill, where she also works. The two gradually fall in love... and yeah, you read Cinderella? You're tired of bad 80s music? Then you don't need this film. What you do need is this clip below... Trivia: The script was co-written by Joe Eszterhas, who went on to pen Showgirls and Basic Instinct.

45. Body Heat. Backstory: Hey, remember when Kathleen Turner used to be hot? We don't either-- although many people swear by the steamy Southern tale of murder, betrayal, and other cliched Hollywood plot twists. Trivia: Who cares about trivia? Watch this scene of unrestrained animal lust, which almost makes you forget it involves William Hurt and Kathleen Turner. [NSFW almost immediately.]

44. No Way Out. Backstory: Sean Young's character is so magnificiently attractive, not only does Kevin Costner risk life and life to sleep with her, but Gene Hackman ends up doing a terrible thing in rage because of her. (We won't say what it is, but here's a hint: they give it away on the back cover of the DVD, those idiots.) Trivia: This is the only film on this list that includes a sex scene in a movie vehicle. Also, nobody ever looked as good as Sean Young (!) does in that early party scene. Never ever. [NSFW almost immediately.]

43. Goldfinger. Backstory: It's fucking James Bond, yo, so there's your backstory. This is the one with Pussy Galore and all her hot young pilots, Shirley Eaton wearing only gold body paint, plus Sean Connery at his peak. Trivia: The Aston Martin spy car was introduced in this film and was such a successful inclusion it insured many films had donated product placements from them on.

42. Bound. Backstory: Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon make sex movie, yas. Trivia: This movie had a major cult following in the days before internet porn took off, and probably still does to this day. At one time, the phenomenon reached such a fever pitch, the following clip topped several Best Sex Scene Polls. The rest of the movie is pretty randy, too. [NSFW starting around the 4-minute mark.]

41. Bull Durham. Backstory: Who knew North Carolinans had such hot sex and great minor league sports teams? Trivia: The sex was so spectacular, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon decided to keep it going in real life... and they still do, or so we're told. Also, if you look closely, the note that Costner sends over to Sarandon doesn't say “I want to make love to you.” It says, “Wanna fuck this time?” And one more: Kurt Russell, who played minor league ball at one time, was originally set to star. [NSFW starts after a few minutes, then continues through two consecutive sex scenes.]

To be continued... your suggestions, as always, are welcome in the comments section.

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The 50 Hottest Women With Swords. Don't Worry, Brigitte Nielsen Makes the Cut.

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 18:29:00 GMT

This is a list of the 50 hottest women sword fighters on the website Only Knives, which mostly contains information about knives, swords and blades, but sometimes makes an exception for cleavage.

It would be cooler if these were actual, real-life sword-fighting women, but really it's just chicks in movies with knives, swords, and blades wearing leather or some sort of pirate dress.

Favorites from most dressed to least after the jump:

Ah, Uma. How we scoured stores looking for a bright yellow suit like yours after Kill Bill came out. We had to settle for yellow Asics and some sweatpants. People still got the reference, though.

This is Milla Jovovich, in case the, ahem, knives were distracting you from her face.

The woman with the sword is Natissa Malthe, we have no idea who she is--she was in Blood Rayne II: Deliverance which is, you know, on our Netflix queue. But we wanted to show you this photo to illustrate an important point about women sword fighters....

The reoccurring combination of thigh-high boots and bustiness below.

There is a conspiracy that results in women who swing the sword dressing like Xena (whose absence from this list is a shameful oversight, by the way).

See, even lists of cheap thrills for knife enthusiasts can teach you something about the world.

(via YesButNoButYes)

Sloppy Seconds: It's Friday And Salma Hayek Is Single

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:50:00 GMT

A woman paid $1,000 for someone else's baby after having a miscarriage. Painful Excerpt: "...she didn’t want to disappoint her mother." Yikes.

Did you guys and gals attend the mass nude photo shoot today in Ann Arbor, Michigan?

The Best Article Every Day today featured "7 Reasons Why The New iPhone Sucks."

Lockup your children, drugs, bowler hats, and microphones: Pete Doherty is on the loose.

John McCain actually doesn't hide from gay Republicans. He just conveniently leaves them off his public schedule.

Today in Weight Gain or Pregnancy? rumors is Uma Thurman.

Wonkette reports that our favorite cheating, divorcing family values Republican seriously injured a man at a Congressional baseball game and did nothing while the man bled all over the place. Oh, then he hit a home run and celebrated. Classy.

Another disgusting Obama shirt or just a poor choice of words: "Obama Is My Slave." (we're betting it's the former-- can you picture them making and somehow selling a John McCain version?)

Salma Hayek is not getting married to some billionaire after all. While the lesbian rumors start up again, we'll make our move...

Related:

Republican Quits Congress For His Family, Cheats On His Wife, Files For Divorce

"Breasts Drive Women Wild" Article Even Better Than Promised

Racist Fake Obama T-Shirt Has Internet In Uproar

Crazy White Supremacists-- Gasp!-- Hate Obama

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Corrupt Congresswoman Does Topless Shoot From Prison

Photo via AskMen.

Top 10 Clandestinely Videotaped Skinemax Sex Scenes Of Our Youth

Bryan Christian — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:56:00 GMT

Remember the glory days of VHS? Back when porno was pretty much still in theaters and not your laptop? We sure do. In fact, back before smut was everywhere -- heck, before the Internet was much more than a glint in Al Gore's eye -- the most sex that we ever saw on tape was actually on tape -- smuggled from the closet of our friends' parents or snuck in and out of time-delayed VCR's set to the premium channels without our parents ever knowing. And what, exactly, were we watching? Well, meet back here after the jump and we'll give you an overstuffed Top 10 to remember. (With links if we could find them!)

Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Confession: Fast Times was kind of too dark of a movie for us to really get into -- but the Phoebe Cates scene was still epic. Scanner Sarah once interviewed Scanner Bryan about it elsewhere on Nerve, have a look.

Dangerous Liaisons / Thelma and Louise
If you've never seen either of these movies in a theater, you must, if only for the scenes where Uma Thurman and Brad Pitt take off their tops. Guaranteed: the sheer physical perfection of these actors young bodies will make fellow patrons audibly gasp, and for a brief moment, the whole room will be heavy with erotic possibility. In that respect, we like to think of the first times we saw these movies as our first kinky group experience. At least, until we started doing lots of E.

The Name of the Rose
Probably the only sex scene on this list that even today still stuns us everytime we see it. It just looks and sounds real, goddammit, even the part where you see Christian Slater's erect, underage monk cock. We taped this off of cable right under our parents noses -- when the sex scene came on and we were told to leave the family room, we just walked into the back room and pressed "Record."

Hardbodies (couldn't find scene; links to opening credits)
Embarassing but true; afficionados of the film will want us to specify which of the many nudie and nookie scenes we mean. It's the scene with all three of the old guys finally getting laid, and the girl who's riding the fat guy compares his cock to a mountain, and she wants to badly to get to the top that she busts through the moonroof in the limo when she comes. Hang on, what? Did we just write that?

Young Frankenstein (linked to entire film!)
Again, we've mentioned this before elsewhere, but this may possibly be the first film to ever give us a boner. We didn't understand what was going on when Peter Boyle rolled onto Madeline Kahn and made her sing or anything, but that didn't stop us from watching it over and over.

That movie with Lesley Ann Warren that we can't remember what it's called
Ah, here it is: A Night in Heaven (trailer here). Lesley Ann Warren has this raging orgasm riding a male stripper called "Ricky the Rocket." Not sure how young we were when we saw it, but we still remember thinking: "Huh, weird that she left her shirt on."

Emmanuelle IV
Pprobably the first instance of our pausing-and-rewinding a movie so exclusively that we had no idea what the actual story was. Which is funny, because we recently found a copy, and boy, we were surprised. Turns out that scene where Sylvia Krystel is showing a woman how to make love -- which was definitely our favorite scene -- is actually Krystel as the previous Emmanuelle instructing the new Emmanuelle in how to make herself come -- even though technically, they're both the same person using the same body. Yes, that's right: we are all now more confused by this sex scene than we were when we were young.

Roadhouse
Funny story: so, remember that scene where somebody gets caught fucking a waitress doggie-style in the backroom? Yeah. We totally had no idea that doggie-style existed when we were young and just thought he was putting it up her butt. Don't worry, though; there's a happy ending to this story. We had the truth of the matter explained to us on an overnight debate meet by a guy who was banging the girl of our dreams. Yay!

A montage of Madonna videos from the 1985 MTV Music Video Awards
Not a sex scene in the strictest sense, but they did this thing where they slowed down the videos and in Papa Don't Preach, she's wearing this bustier in the non-Danny Aiello, dancing parts, and, well, let's just say that we didn't know boobs could do that.

... and a bonus scene from literature!

Arabella's teenage seduction of her girlfriend and the cinematic reproduction of it in the movie-within-the-movie from the novel "Blue Movie" by Terry Southern
Honest to God: before we ever saw a girl naked, we knew exactly where a clit was and what to do with it thanks to this scene.

Sloppy Seconds: Why Does Oprah Look So Scared?

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:56:00 GMT

We're kind-of sad to report that the Marilyn Monroe sex tape has been "fully debunked" by the FBI, whatever that means. [Radar]

Maybe it's the band geek in us, but we got way too excited over this video of synchronized metronomes. [Didn'tYouHear?]

Uma Thurman's stalker says he "didn't mean to scare her." [Yahoo!]

Paula Abdul thinks no one understands her. Um, she's right. [People]

But not to worry, her job is safe. [MTV]

Tom Cruise and Oprah revisited the whole jumping on the couch thing today and she confessed to him, "I was a little nervous coming up this morning, I have to admit, because you and I have not sat down for a real conversation since the sofa incident.". [Us Weekly]

Sloppy Seconds: Sienna Miller Had a Bikini Malfunction, And We Have Pictures

Emily Farris — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 21:19:00 GMT

Christina Ricci is looking great, if a little too skinny, in the upcoming issue of Blackbook Magazine. [Pop on the Pop]

Aww. Geek love. Ain't it sweet? A programmer proposed to his girlfriend by reprogramming her favorite (cell phone?) game, Bejeweled, to actually do the asking once she reached a certain score. Score! [Yahoo!]

Are Michael and Dinah Lohan officially the worst parents in the history of the world? [FameCrawler]

We're all for people voting, but if we hear one more word from The Hills' Heidi Montag about this election, we're moving to China. Especially since she's NOT EVEN REGISTERED TO VOTE. [MTV]

Oh sweet baby Jesus Christ Lord, no. Or, yes? Britney Spears may soon reveal her deepest, darkest thoughts via video blog. [StarPulse]

Could we be any more excited about the fact that both "LOST" and "Grey's Anatomy" will have two-hour season finales? Unfortunately, no, we're just that dorky. [StarPulse]

If Uma Thurman has low self-esteem, is there any hope for the rest of us? [Celebrity Smack]

Well, hey, at least The Daily Mail is good for one thing: star bikini malfunctions. But might we suggest some straps for Ms. Miller? Or maybe she'll start a new trend like when she wore black underwear over black pantyhose. Seriously, we've been seeing that everywhere. [The Daily Mail]