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While You Were Sleeping: Lara Flynn Boyle Still Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:14:00 GMT

Phil Spector was finally convicted of second-degree murder. Bye bye, psycho.

Al Franken has been declared the winner of the Minnesota Senate race... again. And it's not over yet... although it's been over for months, of course.

A study shows that Facebook users have lower GPA's than non-Facebookers.

We're a bit out of this morning: did we tell you about the eight-year-old who couldn't get her marriage to a middle-aged man annulled in the great nation of Saudi Arabia? If not, you really need to read this.

Lara Flynn Boyle's still getting naked, but this time it's for a TV show.

The Neverland sale is going ahead as planned-- we hope they burn that whole sickening place to the ground on the way out.

After the Tweenbots thing yesterday, we were thinking New Yorkers were getting better at being aware and helpful. Not so much.

Want to get an iPhone but don't want to deal with AT&T's shitty plans?

Our Weekend Gift to You: Blood Alcohol Calculator

While You Were Sleeping: Foxy Brown Joins The Nipple Slip Parade

Twitter Goes to the Next Level: Flutter (Video)

Top Ten Responses to the Star Trek Corset

Emily Farris — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 15:35:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Truly, if we could've somehow gotten pictures of each of the Remote Island bloggers wearing this thing, we would've done it in a heartbeat (come on, this year's staff calendar?).

Clearly, the Star Trek corset has caused quite a stir on the website this week, Click through for the top ten response comments to sexing up the United Federation of Planets...

Read More...

Japanese TV Steals Americas Funniest Videos, Sells it Cheaper (Video)

Colleen Kane — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 23:10:00 GMT

I'ts just like the auto industry all over again. Japan took the parts of "AFV" that get the most LOLs, aka the kicks to the balls, and then exploited it for their own gain.

At least, that's what appears to be happening in this video. Who the hell knows what's really going on.

73-Year-Old Porn Star a Japanese Sensation, American Media Obsession

Video of the Day: Japanese Develop "Vibrator In Your Ass" Alarm Clock

Via DoubleViking.com

The Paris Hiltonization of South Korean Weddings

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:32:00 GMT

Sometimes we forget how lucky we are to live a place where class doesn't have a whole helluva lot to do with what we accomplish in life and love. We've all seen that cute, smart guy marry the stupid white-trash girl and we've seen the smart, successful woman marry the unemployed stoner. As Sarah Palin has shown us, you can do anything as long as you want it bad enough; it's the beauty of America.

Unfortunately, in many cultures, marriages are still arranged or lovers are only allowed to marry within their social class. In South Korea, "weddings have become symbols of greed and waste, as families try to outdo each other with extravagant offerings. Houses have replaced housewares, while fur coats are now standard presents for new mothers-in-law."

It hasn't always been like that in South Korea, though.

From 1961-1979 under the rule of Park Chung Hee, strict rules were laid down about how weddings could be celebrated. "The 'family ritual code' limited the number of guests at weddings, as well as the amount that could be spent. The law was liberalized in 1985, a few years before the military regime gave way to democracy, and that's when the spending spree started."

"It's become ridiculous," says Kyeyoung Park, an anthropology professor at UCLA. "Now it's all about who is winning the game." The race to the top has gripped South Korea's upwardly mobile and competitive society. For much of Korean history, two traditional values—Confucian moderation, and the need to gain face—balanced each other out, but today, the latter has acquired the upper hand. "Traditionally you would exchange gifts of clothes among the extended family," says Tony Michell, a business consultant who has lived in Seoul for decades. "These days, people are talking about apartments and cars."

So, if we move to South Korea and marry someone we don't love, do we get one of these? And a little dog, too?

That would be so sweet!

It'd be just our luck that we'd end up like Sun, from "LOST"—pre crash.

[Psychology Today: Global Psyche: The Dowry Dilemma]

Related:

South Korea's Mind-Blowing Adultery Saga Continues

Live from New York: Fey and Poehler do Palin and Clinton

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Ashley Alexandra Dupre Did Exactly What We Told Her Not to Do

Emily Farris — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:35:00 GMT

A few short months ago, during the media circus that surrounded then-New York Mayor Eliot Spitzer's pay-per-ride relationship with Ashley Alexandra Dupre, we laid out a plan that would keep Ashley in the public eye, but in a very flattering light.

It was a simple series of events that involved her steering clear of Joe "Boobies" Francis (FAIL!), and staying away from any TV shows that are not hosted by Oprah or Barbara Walters. Then, we would write a book together.

Now Scanner Emily is going to have to get a job at McDonald's because Ash just went and fucked everything up.

Ashley is supposedly developing an "un-scripted" television show with executives at a Los Ageles production firm, Handprint Entertainment, the very same folks manage the careers of Nicole Richie and Pamela Anderson.

What does this all mean? It means she's probably going to have her own reality show any day now.

To make matters worse, it might be a dating show and apparently the phrase "the next Tila Tequila" is being thrown around.

[E! via The Remote Island]

Related:

An Open Letter to Ashley Alexandra Dupre: We're Gonna Write a Book!

Who Would You Rather? Ashley Alexandra Dupre vs. "Kristen

Ashley Alexandra Dupre: What We Want is Sensual Seduction

Get Your Ashley Alexandra Dupre Drink One

Rachael Ray Sex Tape Best YouTube Parody In Ages

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Rachael started to get us very excited and so we were ultimately disturbed by this audio clip from the sex tape Rachael Ray made before she was famous.

NSFW, but too funny to miss. You will also probably lose your (sexual) appetite for the duration of the day, so please listen with earplugs fully enabled, like Odysseus if the sirens were screeching TV "chefs" with giant teeth.

Losers of The Day: Dunkin' Donuts

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 May 2008 14:10:00 GMT

Scanner Emily alerted you to the Rachael Ray ad fiasco that came to light yesterday. But we can't let the story go that easily, since there is a political element to this and now, thanks to us, a boycott of Dunkin' Donuts in the works...

First, let's take a look at the photo evidence, if you can call it that:

The above screenshot is from a Dunkin' Donuts ad that Rachael Ray appeared in recently, an image which did not go over well with Fox News, Michelle Malkin, and the rest of the right-wing do-gooder community. But what was it about this ad and this image that upset them so much?

Apparently, it's Rachael's poor fashion choice. Her black-and-white scarf, insignificant to the average eye, was spotted immediately by Fox News and others for what it really is: a terrorist beacon.

The scarf, or keffiyeh if you are a Republican crusader, "...has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos.

"The apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant and not-so-ignorant fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons."

If that's the case, genius, and the keffiyeh is defined the way you see it (which, thankfully, it's not) then you must also include Lawrence of Arabia, the innocent citizens of Iraq, Trent Reznor, and those Saudi Arabians your President loves so much. That's right, George Bush coddles terrorists in the Middle East. We said it first.

Dunkin', for their part, first disputed the offensiveness of the ad, saying, You people are goddamned idiots and should be run out of town like Joe Fucking McCarthy, eventually caved to The Stupids and issued the following press release:

"Absolutely no symbolism was intended. However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial."

They were afraid of a boycott or something? Well, they're certainly getting one now...

Via SFGate.

Previously: Sloppy Seconds...

Sloppy Seconds: Desperate Housewives

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 21:23:00 GMT

Some readers were bothered by our dig at Absolut Vodka over its pre-20th century mindset. Just a reminder: we're always right.

The Second Amendment Debate, Made Irrelevant: A man has been arrested for standing in the middle of the street and threatening motorists with death by bow and arrow. Cool!

Finally, the truth: Since Thursday's raid on Warren Jeff's polygamist sect in Texas, which housed hundreds of brainwashed females and the brain-damaged males overseeing them, commentators have speculated as to what served as the final piece of evidence that enabled the Feds to move in. At an earlier news conference, the prosecutor in the case testified that investigators had been waiting for someone to come forward.

Well, that someone turned out to be a 16 year old girl, pregnant for the second time in a year, according to CNN. The anonymous tipster, who had contacted Family Services in Texas, was married to a man was more than three times her age, beat her, and had six other wives..

Now, her parents were talking about sending her younger sister, 15, to the ranch as well.

In her calls, the girl said she had looked for ways to escape. But she was told that outside the compound's gates lies an evil world in which she would be forced to cut her hair, wear makeup and have sex with many men. She thought about faking an illness, but under that plan she couldn't bring her baby along, the affidavit stated.
She said her husband would "beat and hurt" her when he got angry, hitting her in the chest and choking her while other wives held her baby. Once, he broke her ribs, she said.

Pardon the unfortunate transition, but... speaking of "Desperate Housewives": the show's creator confirms Nicolette Sheridan, the woman also unfortunately known as Michael Bolton's squeeze, is leaving at the end of the season.

Government workers charged millions of dollars for wild orgies (i.e. "fancy dinners"-- but we're not fooled), lingerie, iPods, and internet dating subscriptions (it better have been Nerve!) to company-issued credit cards. So what? They're probably all in the CIA and that stuff is part of the job anyway.

And lastly, the greatest living woman in America is single again. We almost feel bad for celebrating.

Previously: Sloppy Seconds: Father-Daughter Love Child

"Battlestar" Producer Working on "Children of Men" TV Show For Sci-Fi Channel

Bryan Christian — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 19:51:00 GMT

Actually, you know what, we're not quite sure what to put in the rest of this blog post, since we seem to have packed it all in the headline. Oh, hang on, there is one thing we forgot: the part where our hard-on to see this is about to shatter our fucking keyboard.

Slashfilm: Children of Men: The Television Series

Comic Book Buffy Gives Body, if Not Heart, to Fellow Slayer. LADY Slayer.

Bryan Christian — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Even though college didn't exactly work out for former cheerleader Buffy Summers, she's still finding time to experiment with same-sex hookups. That is, when she's not slaying vampires and doing all other sorts of mystical whatnot in the comic book continuation of her eponymous TV show.

“It puts the reader in this ‘Oh my God’ moment,” [creator Joss] Whedon said during a telephone interview. “And it puts Buffy in an ‘Oh my God, what did I just do?’ moment.”

But before fans start blogging frantically, they should know that Mr. Whedon is clear where this is headed. “We’re not going to make her gay, nor are we going to take the next 50 issues explaining that she’s not. She’s young and experimenting, and did I mention open-minded?”

Bravo, Mr. Whedon: yet again, you've managed to tread the line between appealing to the pubescent urges of your fans and being totally progressive. You may, in fact, be our hero. (Assuming you don't kill off Buffy's new f-buddy in, like, the next panel.)

Vlogtastic "quarterlife" Posts Web Size Numbers on TV; NBC, World Feign Surprise

Bryan Christian — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Not that you cared, but...

[... t]he debut of NBC's new series "quarterlife" marked the network's worst time-period performance in at least 17 years and has thrown the show's fate into imminent jeopardy.
Premiering Tuesday night at 10 p.m., "quarterlife" pulled in just 3.1 million viewers. It came in a distant last place in the hour despite having a relatively strong lead-in from "The Biggest Loser" (8.1 million).

OK, serious question: is there anything on the Internet that would actually benefit from getting put on network prime-time? We really want to know, since we get the suspicion that everything we like on the web would probably have to be toned down just to make it on to HBO or Adult Swim.

"Law and Order" Hunk Leaves Show; Portly, Underappreciated Former Comedian Likely to Replace

Bryan Christian — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Time was that replacing actors on the Law and Order mothership was like rearranging snow on an iceberg: it'd keep moving just fine, thank you very much. But is that still true today, with the show not anchoring the NBC lineup the way it used to? Guess we'll see, since Jesse L. Martin -- who we've always imagined literally leaping straight from his singing-and-dancing role in Broadway's Rent to playing L&O's Detective Ed Green in 1999 -- will be leaving the show at the end of the current season. Wasn't he supposed to play Marvin Gaye in a biopic or something? Well, maybe that's why he's out.

Martin is rumored to be replaced by Anthony Anderson, who we never saw on The Shield -- we're not that far in our Netflix queue yet -- but was decidedly better than his material on Fox's most-likely-canned-but-in-limbo K-Ville, which we watched because, well, the Missus wanted to support her hometown. Like we say, Anderson was great -- but that show didn't make us think about post-Katrina New Orleans so much as think about how much we miss Fastlane. And that ain't no kind of good.

Totally Bummed by Our Sawyer Nickname

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 20:14:00 GMT

We've recently become addicted to LOST. We caught the end of last season and learned a few days ago that we can watch every single episode from every single season in HD on ABC.com. We're trying to watch the first three seasons before Thursday night, when a new episode airs, but it's been keeping us up until 3:30 or so every night and we're not even halfway through the first season. We forget how prolific television was before the writers' strike.

Anyway, we got super excited about Sawyer's Nickname Generator at ABC.com, because how cute is Freckles? Well, we're not so happy with our nickname. Not at all. In fact, we're almost heartbroken. Could he not come up with anything better for us?

Generate your Sawyer nickname here. We hope it's better than ours.

"Would you be willing to kiss everyone at the party?"

Emily Farris — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:32:00 GMT

Uh, if we had enough to drink, maybe.

With the Superbowl upon us, The New York Times explores double dipping and reminds us of the Seinfeld episode that centered around the choice—to dip once or twice?—after a recent study on double dipping was actually inspired by the show. Consensus? Dip once.

“The way I would put it is, before you have some dip at a party, look around and ask yourself, would I be willing to kiss everyone here? Because you don’t know who might be double dipping, and those who do are sharing their saliva with you.”

[New York Times: Dip Once or Dip Twice?]

(Thanks, John!)

Flying the Friendly Skies on Thai TV

Emily Farris — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 15:14:00 GMT

Flight attendants in Thailand are demanding the government pull a new soap opera about their "profession," as it were.

The Air Hostess Wars shows flight attendants scheming for the affections of a suave and handsome married airline captain, who embarks on an affair with one of their number.

Angry cabin staff say the love triangle portrayed in the programme, which leads to fighting in the aisles and scenes of passionate sex on stopovers, bears no relation to real life and portrays them in a bad light.
"This soap opera is insulting and damaging to the reputation of flight attendants," said Noppadol Thaungthong, a Thai Airways cabin crew member leading the union's action. "It's all about sex and air hostesses beating each other up in the cabin because of love and jealousy. This kind of thing never happens."

[The Guardian: Thai cabin crew protest at steamy airborne TV soap]

[Image via]