Scanner : topless

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter Behind Bars

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 May 2009 18:24:00 GMT

We may be walking proof that honest hard work gets you nowhere, but we still cannot (yet) endorse lying, cheating and stealing as a way to get through life. Especially because, as Kari Ferrell, the Hipster Grifter, will probably tell you in her memoir (or VH1 reality show) someday, that shit will just land you in jail.

That's right, Doree Shafrir, who has been following the story for the New York Observer, has confirmed that Kari Farrell is in the slammer.

Here's how it all went down.

Apparently, Farrell turned herself in to Philadelphia police last night then called and called ANIMAL New York’s Bucky Turco at 2:30 a.m. this morning to let him know. She, of course, made this call from her super-hip iPhone. And according to a spokeswoman for the PPD, Ferrell has been arrested.

Perhaps this is where the Hipster Grifter's story ends. Though we sort-of think not.

[The Observer: Confirmed: Grifter in Slammer]

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Double Your Pleasure

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:19:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: What is it about retro lithographs that hits on our collective sense of national nostalgia? Actually, that's probably exactly what it is, but regardless, they're just... Cool. And these very, very NSFW retro pin-ups by Mel Ramos are a perfect example of this:

Read more...

Sloppy Seconds: Parker Posey's New Man

Emily Farris — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 21:28:00 GMT

Did you catch Tracy Morgan shirtless in real life on 30 Rock last night? [Defamer]

Britan's Got Talent singing phenomenon Susan Boyle got a little makeover. [Yahoo!]

One thing we would not like to find on our doorstep? A flaming bag of poo. Another thing we would not like to find on our doorstep? A live shark. [CBS13]

A sequel to Clueless!? Count us in! Well, as long as his you know what isn't crooked. [BuzzSugar]

We hate to admit we're also pretty excited about the prospect of Chace Crawford taking on Kevin Bacon's role in the remake of Footloose. [Us]

If Parker Posey was dating Keanu Reaves, that seems to be over, because now she's being spotted around town with graphic designer and sculptor Scott Lenhardt. We endorse this because 1) Keanu Reeves doesn't seem so smart and 2) artist boys are totally hot. [DailyIntel]

[Image]

Coming to the Jersey Shore This Summer: Bottoms-Only Bikinis

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:28:00 GMT

Two Philly-area boutique owners are trying to start a new trend on the Jersey shore this summer: topless beachgoing.

They have managed to convince themselves they'll have no trouble unloading $75-200 bikini bottoms without including tops... and some people are convinced this is only the beginning of a new American trend. Several area media outlets picked up the story of the Jack & Jill Boutique in Old City, run by Anh Nguyen and partner Janice Lim, and trumpeted as the latest fad. We're guessing having Nguyen pose in the bikinis for one of the stories didn't hurt... although we're trying to figure out why she's wearing a top if she thinks it's so normal and cool...

MSNBC's reaction was similar to ours:

Since you're only buying half of a bathing suit you'll save money, right? Wrong! Each piece costs between $75 and $200. You can buy a matching cover-up and bikini top, too if flaunting your stuff isn’t your thing.

So, if that’s the case, can’t you just prance around topless in some bikini bottoms you already own? Save yourself the cash.

We're trying to figure out what these female business owners were thinking, promoting the idea of topless sunbathing in the state of New Jersey. Don't they know what the guys will do? These people still think Bon Jovi is a Genius, for God's sake. (Cue retaliatory comments from our fellow blogger, Jersey-Lovin' Colleen Kane, any moment now.)

But seriously, the woman pictured below has got a long road ahead of her if she's selling bottoms-only bikinis at those prices...

More of her here.

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Why Marisa Tomei Finally Went Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:04:00 GMT

Marisa Tomei gave an interview to TotalFilm this month on her career and, most importantly to readers, her decision to accept a series of roles that required sex and nakedness.

We hesitate to use the term "revealing" when describing this excerpt (and accompanying NSFW photos, of course), but maybe that's because the pun is so obvious...

"I definitely feel like I didn't want to do that kind of thing when I was younger because I didn't think that it was something a serious actress would do, in a way there is validity to that...
"It's harder to be taken seriously when you're younger, doing [nude scenes] but I've also come to a point of being able to handle the reaction to it - that probably would have been more difficult when I was younger."
On finally undressing for The Wrestler and Before The Devil Knows You're Dead: "I did those two movies because I was grateful to have them come along, frankly.
"I wanted to work with Sidney Lumet and Ethan [Hawke] and Phil [Seymour Hoffman] and Albert Finney.
"Actually, I wasn't so thrilled about the nudity package that was coming with it, but it was the best thing that was offered to me at the time and I really wanted to work, and I trusted Sidney so much.
"Maybe growing older there's an inner sense of what I can trust and I knew I could trust him. So it came out of that." [Press Association]

Growing older or not, this was worth the wait. Keep 'em coming, you amazingly talented, sexy, and very naked "older woman..."

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Now You Can Be Sure You're Chatting With a Hot Girl

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 21:03:00 GMT

Each month for Nerve's new photography blog Slice, the editors pick a guest contributor. This month's Slice photographer is Giovanni Cervantes, who is doing week-long studies of four different women, and hosting a live video and chat with each of them on Fridays. Tomorrow you can chat with Cervantes and this week's muse Guilli. And of course we have NSFW pictures of Guilli after the jump.

[Nerve: Slice with Giovanni Cervantes]

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Pin-Ups for Sneakerheads

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 20:27:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Every straight male sneakerhead's fantasy has just come true.

Click below for more photos from Playboy's "Hot Chicks, Cool Kicks" feature:

Read more...

Carmen Electra, Doing More of What She Does Best

Colleen Kane — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:53:00 GMT

So blah blah Carmen Electra blah blah Mexican Maxim blah blah etc. New boobie pictures of Carmen after the jump.

More scans here.

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While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama In Big Trouble

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 14:04:00 GMT

Scanners Brian, Emily, and Colleen were at the Bust Party at SXSW last night, during which Dinosaur, Jr. made a surprise appearance. Needless to say, blogging will be slow this morning, with more activity later on...

The man himself-- Bruce Springsteen-- did The Daily Show.

This guy didn't realize everyone on the train he was supposed to be operating could see his penis.

Unfortunately, most of the spectators probably enjoyed this "catfight," in which boobs were bared.

We missed out on the news that PETA celebrated St. Patrick's Day in their own special way.

We heard about the topless bar in Austin that was busted for featuring a sixteen-year-old girl.

Seth Rogen calls his own back hair "glorious."

Barack Obama needs to stop making jokes. About anyone and anything-- it's making him sound more out of touch than Al Gore.

And right-wing crazies at WorldNet Daily believe teens are drinking poison to induce abortions. What do you think?

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Don't cancel your Mexican vacation, says the country's President... the shocking drug violence there will be all cleared up, you know, in 2012.

Brittany Snow will appear in a new spinoff of Gossip Girl, a popular educational program.

Another supermodel bites the dust... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were married in Santa Monica yesterday, after having denied the wedding rumors for months, even years.

Jake and Reese are rumored to be the next celebrity couple that will walk down the aisle.

Kate Nash is already one step ahead of them, although her fiancee is an unknown.

Just the latest in a long line of 45-year-old hotties to grace the nudie mag, Lisa Rinna will be the next one to pose for Playboy.

This unanimous Supreme Court ruling on religious monuments in public parks is extremely troublesome.

The woman in the car during Morgan Freeman's car accident claims he was drunk. Oh, and she's absolutely not his mistress. And one more: she's suing him for not denying the mistress thing.

Hero of the day? A mother ran into her daughter's rapist while he was out of jail on a weekend pass. He asked after her daughter, apparently in a gleeful manner, and so she followed him into a bar, poured a bottle of petrol all over him and... struck a match...

And Britain's Next Top Model is already topless...

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Mickey Rourke Enjoys the Flasher Groupies in France

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 21:29:00 GMT

Mickey Rourke doesn't care if he wins an Oscar or not... he just wants more of this incredible display of wintry boobs...

Mickey is in France, probably trying to work out a deal with Louis Safer (i.e. director Roman Polanski, who has a rumored film in the works), and the groupies are following his every move. Thank God Gawker found this photo of a young, randy, savage fan flashing The Wrestler star and-- bonus-- catching the classic grin on Rourke's surprised face...

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Starring Angelina Jolie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 20:29:00 GMT

While compiling last week's Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies, we started to realize 1) Angelina Jolie is in a boatload of action movies, 2) Angelina Jolie is naked in a boatload of action movies and 3) Angelina Jolie is naked in a boatload of movies...

5. The Good Shepherd. Angelina Jolie is the only total stranger we can think of who could somehow keep us turned on after demanding to know if we love her. Angie, please, we'd like you to learn our middle name and take a test on the Baltimore Colts first, okay?

4. Foxfire. This here's more of a slumber party sequence than a sex scene, but you won't be complaining. By the way, this is what every guy, aged 8 to 108, imagines women are doing when there are no boners around.

3. Original Sin. We're pretty sure Antonio Banderas does all these softcore porn flicks to get away from that nut Melanie Griffith, although it's hard to imagine any straight guy turning down a script that includes this scene. [By the way, for some reason the volume on this scene is much higher than our other clips. Sorry about that.]

2. Taking Lives. There are some technical problems with the sound in this vi-- oh, who's paying any attention to the bland dialogue and storyline of this movie anyway? Here are two sex scenes for the price of one. And ladies, that's your favorite up-and-comer Gerard Butler in the buff in scene two, which is actually (apparently) from Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.

1. Gia. It's possible you could get away with a Top 5 Sex Scenes Just From The TV Movie Gia, All Featuring Angelina Jolie list, especially if you include this as two separate sex scenes-- in the first, Angie has sex with a fence; in the second, she continues to nail the fence, while also including Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell in the action. Good Lord, it must be Friday...

You can check out more Jolie-Mitchell action from Gia in this clip.

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Amber Heard Finally Nails Her Breakthrough With This Sex Scene

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 18:06:00 GMT

Maxim cover sensation Amber Heard, who played Seth Rogen's girlfriend in Pineapple Express, is using a raunchy series of graphic nude scenes in the upcoming movie The Informers to break through to the A List...

The Informers, which Bret Easton Ellis and Nicholas Jarecki adapted from Ellis' book of linked short stories, is described on its Wikipedia page as "a chilling, fascinating, and outrageous descent into the abyss beneath L.A.'s gorgeous surfaces." Whatever the hell that means. No one on the internet cares about the film anyway.

They only want to see the sex and boobs, which we are happy to provide, with a caveat: the scenes are completely uncensored, yet they are not available anywhere without some distractions or alterations to the footage. You'll see what we mean:

1) This is a compilation of all her nude shots from the trailer, albeit with an annoying voice over commentary on the film. Mute your computer and enjoy:

Amber Heard Topless Scenes in "The Informers"

2) Here's the Red Band trailer, infinitely more watchable:

The Informers Unrated Trailer

By the way, before you get all excited to see the movie itself, check out its reviews, which include some of the most brutal pieces of writing we've ever seen from film critics.

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Real or Fake? Katy Perry Nude Photo

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 17:26:00 GMT

This supposed Katy Perry nude candid has been floating around the internet today. Our immediate reaction was "absolutely not her," but then we started to second guess ourselves...

Has the "I Kissed A Girl And I Figured No One Would Remember Jill Sobule" singer had a nose job? That could explain that minor problem. Of course, then you'd have to figure this was taken at least two years ago, maybe three, to account for how her body has, um, completely changed. Normaly, we wouldn't even bother with this if not for the fact that 50% of blog comments we've come across claim "with absolute certainty" that it's the Brit pop artist.

What do you say?

One thing we can say with relative certainty: this was not Photoshopped. And now if someone would please leak the Zooey Deschanel sex tape to us-- you all know it's gotta be out there...

Top photo via CNET.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:03:00 GMT

Every Hollywood action movie has to have a distracting sex scene about 70 minutes into the movie, just before the big, climactic showdown sequence begins-- just ask Sylvester Stallone. We defy you to name one action flick he's done without him rolling around in the sack with a Sharon Stone type, while Enya's instrumental score plays on the soundtrack in time with the snoring of almost everyone.

But, as no dude would feel the film is complete without it, screenwriters and directors keep plugging them in, sometimes ending up with something halfway decent...

Here are our Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies... God forbid you ask us to remember the context these fall in:

5. Cyborg 2. Is that... Good Lord, it is, isn't it? Yep, check out Angelina Jolie's slow-mo boobs in this quintessential pointless action movie sex scene, which was Jack Palance's ridiculously boneheaded followup to winning an Oscar for City Slickers. You can watch a higher quality clip of the same scene here (it's a smaller, non-embeddable frame.)

4. Killing Zoe. Watching this a second time, we realize how hilariously (and obviously) Freudian this is. The clip from the original Nosferatu, where the man springs from the floor, fully erect? Not phallic at all. Neither is the Venus fly trap clamping shut. The more we started thinking about this-- that Julie Delpy is the hooker with the heart of gold who gets Stockholm Syndrome and falls in love with a bank robber... ay ay ay... now we know why this fell into obscurity, despite Tarantino's involvement. Goodness starts at the 10:00 mark in the full film (seen below) or just click this link to go directly to the sex.

3. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This obnoxiously bad ripoff of "Prizzi's Honor" at least satisfied one requirement of the Hollywood action genre: a gratuitous, PG-13 rated sex scene. You actually see the moment where Brad Pitt decided to cheat on Jennifer Aniston in this clip.

2. The Terminator. It takes a hell of a director to making these two co-stars look sexy-- which is why James Cameron now has more money than a Fannie Mae exec. No wonder he ended up with Linda Hamilton for many years...

1. 300. Try watching any random section of dialogue in this film. Seriously-- you won't be able to last ten seconds without breaking out in fits of hysterical laughter. But this sex scene will shut you up right quick.

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Carmen Electra's Latest Playboy Shoot Explains Why The Magazine Is Failing

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 22:12:00 GMT

Carmen Electra enjoys wire coat hangers. Not in the Joan Crawford kind of way... at least, we don't think...

The actress/model refuses to go into details about how she uses her homemade sex aids, but admits she's found a hot new use for hangers.
She teases, "A little pleasure, a little pain. It's all about fun." The current Playboy pin-up tells the magazine she's a big collector of sex toys and visits the world's top boutiques to stock up. [Starpulse]

This is honestly the most interesting thing this "actress"/absurdly famous person has to say in her promotional tour for this month's Playboy. And we'd almost still be in these photos; however...

Ain't Photoshop incredible? Not only can it make your ass appear twenty years younger, it can apparently take your head and seamlessly dump it over another model's body.

Seriously, though, Playboy claims to loathe fake boobs (although they recently killed an in-house story that would've lambasted women who receive boob jobs) and yet the magazine is nothing but Photoshopped or implanted boobs. No wonder they are about to go offline and become internet only-- if you want to see tasteful, exciting, titillating, or just plain interesting naked women, you have to head to the internet...

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Set in the Great Outdoors

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:55:00 GMT

After a holiday hiatus, our regular feature returns. This week's list is wishful thinking-- we probably couldn't get away with outdoor sex in today's 36-degree New York weather... you'll have to let us know how your reenactments go in warmer climes...

5. U-Turn. Honestly, we didn't even remember that Jennifer Lopez was in this movie before finding this clip. Still haunting our memories, however, are those extreme closeups of Billy Bob Thornton's teeth.

Jennifer Lopez Outdoor Sex Scene

4. The Hot Spot. This tender nude scene was featured on our Jennifer Connelly list way back when. Hey, if you want to complain about seeing Jennifer Connelly naked again, we can't really help you.

Jennifer Connelly - The Hot Spot

3. Three. We would've had to field serious complaints if we didn't include this raunchy, sexual assault-turned cheeseball sex scene from some straight-to-DVD Kelly Brook vehicle. You'd be amazed how many fans this actress has...

Beach Sex

2. Fast Times At Ridgemont High. The two sex scenes with Jennifer Jason Leigh in this movie take place outdoors (one, in a semi-private changing room; the other, a baseball dugout), but they're clearly overshadowed by this sex-free fantasy sequence that would be our #1... if... only... she would touch someone... anyone...

Phoebe Cates-Fast Times At Ridgemont High

1. Domino. We're pretty sure it doesn't happen like this in the original cut of the movie (or any official cut, for that matter), but the homemade repeition is an addition we're thankful for.

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Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:55:00 GMT

Chloe Sevigny, who, we can attest from our one public encounter with her, has the best gams in town, talked with Esquire about blow jobs, Vincent Gallo, aroused casting directors, movie sex scenes, and why it's annoying when people say she looks better in person...

Here are our favorite moments, which unlike the original story, is annotated with links that help explain what she's talking about:

Harry Dean Stanton is very profound--everything that comes out of his mouth. There's so much weight to that guy. He always knows all his lines, always prepared. True, he might come straight from the bar, but he's got it together.
I'm ambitious, but I'm not ambitious enough to move to Los Angeles.
Stones over Beatles.

Then what I get a lot, too, which I think is really odd, is, "You're so much prettier in person." All the time. They think that makes me feel good?
I always found it distracting to be watching a movie and there was a love scene and the girl had her bra on.
I saw it in Cannes with everybody else. Vincent [Gallo] and I, we don't really speak anymore. But I'll always love him, and I hope that he makes another movie that's a million times better than Buffalo '66 or The Brown Bunny and blows everybody out of the water. And he will, if he can ever get the money for it.
Maybe we went too far.

She's referring, of course, to the infamous, epic on-screen blow job she gave Gallo in Gallo's movie The Brown Bunny, one of the most critically despised films ever released. Read more about that here.

I had an agent once who said that in an audition you have to make the women want to be you and the men want to fuck you. I said, I'm sorry, I can't just go into a room and, like, try to achieve that. That's not my motivation in life.

The rest of her quotes are here.

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Sex on the Beach: Zhang Ziyi Won't Go Nude For A Movie, But...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:32:00 GMT

Chinese bombshell Zhang Ziyi is a strange creature, according to the world's horniest sex blogs. These blogs, including Fleshbot, gently rib Ziyi for refusing to appear nude in her films (she uses body doubles-- so those Google searches are only turning up fakes, people) but going nude in public and fooling around with her boyfriend on a crowded public beach.

Who cares about the debate, really? We just want to know-- is this guy in love with her butt or what?

These pictures have already caused a stir on the internet, for several reasons: 1) Zhang is about to marry this guy, Vivi Nuevo, an Israeli, which isn't going over well in her homeland; 2) Zhang's nude photos are splashed all over China's websites during a period where the country is cracking down on porn; and 3) well, Time just needed a traffic boost.

Really? The Sexiest Commerical Ever Made?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 20:01:00 GMT

Is this (VERY NSFW) Danish commercial "the sexiest ever made," as one blog has claimed? Well, it's either that or the stupidest. Hell, it could even be Robert Palmer's final, posthumously-released music video.

Remember our complaint the other day about American Apparel's nude Sasha Grey ad and how it was basically porn with an unrelated ad slapped on the end of it? Yep... this is a Siemens Washing Machine commercial.

(By the way, that tagline at the end? It translates to: "Life over the edge.")

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Lingerie Football Linebacker Sues Ex For Leaking Her Nude Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 18:49:00 GMT

Melissa Berry, a linebacker for the lingerie football league (for some reason, the words "linebacker" and "lingerie" don't go together in our brains), is suing her ex for 15 g's after it was discovered he posted photos of her giving a blow job.

We may have to side with him on this one: since we can't seem to find any records of the nude photos online (and unless someone sends us a link, damn it), we have to suspect they were never there in the first place. However, given this guy's profession, we almost hope this story is true...

According to various news outlets, Mark Dawson, the 45-year-old ex in question, is a "safe dating expert." (Lesson Number One: Don't Let Your Boyfriend Have Possession of Your Nude Photos.) After Berry dumped his sorry ass, Dawson decided to get revenge by showing the photos, which were on his cell phone; somehow, Berry got ahold of the phone and smashed it to pieces. Her former lover responded by demanding $500 for the device's replacement; when this wasn't provided, he started forwarding the nude photos of Berry. Recipient #? Berry's mother.

Recipient's #2 through infinity would be the internet, if, again, anyone ever actually saw the photos before they were pulled. Based on the claim by Berry's attorney that they feature his client engaged in a “particularly private, intimate sexual act,” we can imagine they involve something like the below photo, only more naked-er.

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Men's Health Knows (almost nothing about) What To Say To A Naked Woman

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:39:00 GMT

Since their post does not include a publication date, we cannot say for certain, but we would put at least a few dollars on this Men's Health piece having been greenlit during the slow holiday season.

Yesterday, someone alerted us to their piece entitled "The 30 Hottest Things to Say to a Naked Woman." It might as well have been titled "10 Hot Things To Say To A Woman You've Slept With More Than Once And 20 Things To Earn You 'Weirdo' Status..."

Below, we present the most cringe-inducing entries from their list, by order of discovery. While most won't be red flags or dealbreakers, it's hard to imagine situations where even a few of these would come in handy:

1. "Good morning." [Okay, far from disturbing and practically essential... but #1 Hottest Thing to Say to a Naked Woman?!]

2. "Is it okay with you if I take this slow?"

7. "Do you feel this, too?" ("This" being an incredible emotional euphoria.)

8. "Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you a burrito."

17. While looking at moonlight reflecting on the ceiling: "What do you see?"

21. Any use of the word "hot." Especially: "You're so hot." [How creative!]

23. Words that end in "uck." Yes, even "duck," when appropriate.

24. "There's nothing else I'd rather be doing right now." [Lame!]

26. "Damn, I've missed you."

28. Playful laughter.

29. "Don't ever leave me."

No word on whether 29 is supposed to be said with a whimpering desperation in your voice... or while holding an ax.

Via Men's Health.

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Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Players and connoisseurs of music, Thelonious Monk's advice on playing in his band is an essential look at a mad genius.

Never been kissed? These kooks hadn't either, so they decided to make out in public and then tell the Daily News their real names.

Courtney Love and the Kardashians are at war...

Courtney Love faces possible legal action after accusing socialite Kim Kardashian's brother Rob of punching one of her gay employees.
In an angry rant on her MySpace page written on Wednesday, Love alleged that Kardashian's brother Rob Jr. broke the nose of her employee while calling him a "faggot" in September.

Love writes: "Rob Jr. cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside Hyde lounge."

Talk about adding insult to injury: not only is he named Mike Hunt, but the internet makes fun of his name when he's murdered.

At last, CNN does something good with its website: it reports on a 17-year-old Maryland kid who heard about violence against Sudanese women who go looking for firewood and decided to raise money to send them stoves.

The war between Lindsay Lohan and her father, and her father and Samantha Ronson, rages on.

A Mexican beauty queen lost her title after getting caught up in a drug sweep.

$100,000 worth of cashews were stolen in Sydney yesterday.

And rumors involving the possible engagement of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen turn out to have been false (we think.)

Sloppy Seconds: Samantha Ronson Checks In, Then Out

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 22:08:00 GMT

A man buried with his cellphone is still getting calls from his wife. For God's sake, leave the man be!

Cuba's youngest politician is a cutie-- not to diminish her intellect... or to mention her ability to throw us in prison and misplace the key.

Want to party with Michael Bay for $250? No? What about if we told you Megan Fox was going to be there?

Slashfilm has the details on Bay's party, meant to help the United Way: it will be held at on Saturday, December 27th at Bay’s Miami Beach home. Tickets are $250 per person, but for $500, VIPs can join Bay on a private rooftop lounge alongside Megan Fox, the clone of Scarlett Johansson, and probably a Dodge Viper, just because. Following the reception, "all guests will be invited to an after-party" so that Bay can get his swerve on at home without Miami blue-hairs swanning around.

Sam Ronson was hospitalized for depression and exhaustion (we believe this one since how else do you think life with Lindsay Lohan would go?)

What, doesn't your Mom have iTunes? 85% of tracks released in 2008 were never downloaded.

In 1939, you could feed nine kids for a single English pound per day, if you were as frugal as this woman.

Have you guys heard about the idiotic New York City Councilman, soon to be moving on to the state level, who slashed his girlfriend's face with broken glass? Now he's claiming that he tripped while bringing her a glass of water. Is that the modern day equivalent of "she fell down the stairs?" What's next-- "I thought it was a Wii Gun?"

And Barack Obama was rocking the toplessness today in Hawaii.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From... 2007

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:05:00 GMT

Yes, we know, not only was 2007, like, ages ago but we already did a Best of 2008 list.

Well, that one was a smash success and you know how we enjoy sequels... let's touch on the best scenes of last year for other reasons as well: Unlike the 2008 list, every one of these films is available to rent in the United States and, well, the sex is way hotter. For God's sake-- Lust/Caution is borderline XXX... and we have to scenes from it here:

5 & 4. Lust/Caution. Ang Lee followed up 2006's Gay Sex Movie Brokeback Mountain with an NC-17 dud that features Tony Leung and Tang Wei tearing each other apart, almost literally. Here are two back-to-back sex scenes that kept us from turning the epic off about halfway through...

3. Hotel Chevalier (a short film/outtake from The Darjeeling Limited.) Natalie Portman has said she regrets doing this scene. That's not because her ass doesn't look spectacular in it or anything-- more likely, her complaint is due to Wes Anderson cutting her entire appearance from the print and letting dudes all over the world download it for free from iTunes.

Natalie Portman Nude

2. We Own The Night. Already long forgotten, this Joaquin Phoenix-led ensemble drama featured a brief Eva Mendes sex scene early on. The only reason to watch this movie? Eva Mendes. The only reason to watch a sex scene this short and dull? Eva Mendes.

1. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. A ridiculously and rather overrated heist pic, this one piles on the implausible twists from beginning to end, opening with the most implausable of all: Philip Seymour Hoffman giving it to Marisa Tomei doggystyle. Same with #2-- this movie wouldn't be the same without Tomei...

If that doesn't work you, try our Honorable Mention, also from BTDKYD. It's a nude scene, with the sex having happened earlier, but it's worth watching nonetheless:

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Agyness Deyn Looks Even More Like A Boy In Sketch Form

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:56:00 GMT

Ever wanted to see nude drawings of Agyness Deyn, Karl Lagerfeld and Donatella Versace?

Us neither, but they're after the jump anyway...

The point of these semi-nudes? We're not sure, although they are all drawings for Grazia Daily, a UK-based publication, and by Henry Holland. Holland, an artist/designer/fashion person, is widely recognized as the man who discovered Deyn, a feat of historic and earth-shaking proportions.

Photo via the Bosh.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 22:51:00 GMT

Check out this weird Exorcist bobblehead doll.

Rush Limbaugh is engaged to an Ann Coulter impersonator.

The Governor of Illinois is free on $4,500 bail, which he could raise by selling one minute of his time to somebody in his waiting room.

Note to Salon: we don't need any more stories about women who are celibate because they are afraid of dating.

Hugh Hefner's daughter resigned as head of Playboy. Even she hates that shit reality show.

The housing crisis prepares to claim an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition home.

And Jessica Biel is reportedly topless in a new movie... meaning, more topless than she is in these screenshots from the trailer for her new movie. Justin's gonna be so piiiiissed.

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Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 17:29:00 GMT

Clad in nipple rings, tainted by a deliberately rough makeup job, the gorgeous Marisa Tomei serves as-- believe it or not-- the beautiful half of the Mickey Rourke-and-the-stripper pairing at the center of The Wrestler, an upcoming critical favorite.

Darren Aronofsky is widely believed to have recovered from The Fountain with this awards-season bait, with Mickey Rourke a shoo-in for a Best Actor nomination (even at the Oscars, which is saying something.) But until today, we hadn't heard word one about Marisa Tomei being in the film or, more importantly, her second epic nude scene in as many years.

Tomei plays a stripper-- that much we know and that much we want to know. The rest, we'd rather learn as we watch the movie (aren't all cinema experiences better if you don't even know what the movie's about, only that you should see it?) However, we can't resist a few leaked topless photos and we're sure you won't mind either:

Well, it's not Before The Devil Knows You're Dead, but who's complaining?

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Top 5 Nude Scenes of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:08:00 GMT

Mr. Skin released his Top 10 Sex Scenes of 2008, but to see what that dirty old man is raving about, you have to sign up and give your credit card to a bunch of perverts.

Or you could see them all for free, thanks to the beauty of Google and our embedding, um, tool...

5. Neve Campbell. We took some flack for ragging on (a photo of) Neve Campbell's nipples in a screencap from I Really Hate My Job, but seeing them in action here, they like quite normal to us. That's the problem with screencaps, of course: they're never as titilating as the real thing.

4. Asia Argento. Picking a favorite nude scene from Asia Argento is like picking your favorite $100 bill-- they're all equally fantastic, as well as a wonder to behold. Here's one from some Italian or Spanish movie-- but what do you care?

3. Heather Graham. When we first caught Heather Graham in Swingers, we never suspected that every movie since would feature her getting nailed in the nude. You'd think she'd go the Julia Roberts route and Neve Campbell would end up more of a Denise Richards type. But nope... and not that we're complaining. When was the last time you enjoyed seeing a Julia Roberts sex scene?

2. Mischa Barton. We can't believe we're saying this, but how adorable is a crying, curly-haired Mischa Barton dubbed in Spanish in this scene from Closing the Ring?

1. Sophie Monk. The catchphrase of the year is not "Change" or even "Pancakes." It's "foreplay is for losers." See why, with this clip:

The rest of the top 10, according to Mr. Skin: Anna Farris in the House Bunny; Mena Suvari in Stuck; Amy Smart in Mirrors; Penelope Cruz in Elegy; and Aneglina Jolie in Wanted, which we may post next week if you have those.

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Kim Cattrall: The Magically Naked 52-Year-Old Woman

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:46:00 GMT

There's no question Kim Cattrall has aged well. But the Sex and the City movie was obnoxious and misguided endeavor and the show itself has turned into the television equivalent of Pulp Fiction or the Beat Generation-- the original's cultural takeover and subsequent imitators have made us wary of the originals.

Are we tired of her yet? Are we interested in seeing the perennially topless actress in the buff once again, at age 52, for an artistic cause?

The sex-starved editors at the BBC apparently thought we'd care, as they sent us these tantalizing photos of Cattrall and some cohorts recreating a classic painting to help raise the 50 million pounds necessary to save the original.

Here are the photos... as for the painting, you can see that here. Yep, nothing like the recreation.

And Miss Cattrall features as Diana in the picture alongside art students from the Courtauld Institute and performers from the hit West End burlesque show La Clique.

Tom said: 'Kim is the perfect Diana. Just like the Greek goddess, she combines beauty with a sense of threat.
'She was a great sport and at 52 made an amazing Diana. She more than held her own among a room full of twenty-somethings.

What's your take?

Via the Daily Mail.

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