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Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Fleshbot alerted us to the upcoming Charlize Theron movie, The Burning Plain, which continues Oscar-winning nude trailblazer Charlize Theron's tradition of going topless "if the role requires it."

Here's a list of the five highlights from that stunning career. Nope, no Cider House Rules or Aeon Flux this time... someday, though, we'll get to those scenes...

5. Monster. This harrowing, utterly absorbing serial killer biopic landed Theron a well-deserved Oscar. You would think that would be what everyone remembers about the hit film-- but no, this is what the internet still buzzes about: Charlize + Christina Ricci + tongue = hot sex. This would be one of the most popular sex scenes in history if only the makeup department hadn't conspired to make their characters look more like scary murderers than sex symbols.

4. Reindeer Games. Due to the uploaders poor editing on the first sex scene from this movie, we've included the pool scene as well. Neither of them are all that memorable, but together... not a bad waste of 90 seconds...

3. Head in the Clouds. We always wondered how Stuart Townsend, that lucky bastard, hooked up with our girl, who refers to him as her "husband." It wasn't on this film, but one shortly before that these two met-- but it might as well have started with this scene, which is probably what their nights are like 365 days a year. Lucky, lucky.

2. 2 Days in the Valley. The scene that made her famous starts about 22 seconds in. James Spader may have been in Sex, Lies, and Videotape and a few of the Brat Pack movies. He may have been incredibly good on Boston Legal. Hell, he may go on to win 10 Academy Awards (all for supporting actor-- ha ha, he's always a bridesmaid....) The point is: no matter what James Spader does with the rest of his life, the first line on his resume should read: "Yeah, I was in That Fucking Scene."

1. The Devil's Advocate. You scrolled right to the bottom to check for this one, didn't you? We can't blame you-- this one always blew the others away, especially when we saw it in the context of The Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino Bad Acting Experience. Perhaps both men signed up to enjoy these two lovely ladies in the buff-- after all, there are worse ways to make a living.

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Top 5 Frantic Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 21:44:00 GMT

These scenes for your frantic Friday are not of the S&M or Basic Instinct or even Secretary variety (that's a whole 'nother list.) Sometimes, you've had a really epic and soul-crushing workweek and you don't have time to warm up.

As those recent and soon-to-be-disproved surveys say, there's no need for foreplay anymore...

5. The Life of David Gale. Was it just us or was this Kevin Spacey-Kate Winslet movie a triumph of wasting our complete fucking time? Nope, we weren't the only ones-- the movie hovers around a 20% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes-- oh, and Richard Roeper gave it thumbs up, so that's all the evidence we need. And, frankly, we don't even remember this sex scene being in the film, which has to stand for something.

4. True Blood. Hey, we didn't claim these were all from the movies anymore. Besides, this show is more softcore porn flick than any turgid rated-R crapburger we've sat through this year... so, once again... that's gotta count for something. And bonafide Academy Award-winning actress Anna Paquin is featured-- so... there's that.

3. The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981) - We include this scene because, in a rare move for misogynist Hollywood, a woman is seen to be "leading" and "directing" the sex. Note that Jessica Lange demands that Jack Nicholson wait until she clears the table, then orders him to get down to business. Furthermore, she doesn't enjoy being on the bottom, so Jack will just have to make do with her on top. That's more like it, Tinseltown.

2. Crash (1996) - You've probably seen the Rosanna Arquette-James Spader scene... and the Deborah Unger-Elias Koteas-while-James-Spader watches sex scenes. But unless you've seen Crash, the 1996 David Cronenberg film and not to be mistaken for that flaming piece of tripe from a few years ago, you probably didn't even know about the Holly Hunter-James Spader scene. My God, how was this NC-17 release not banned from theaters and burned by the conservative movement?

1. A History of Violence - We were hoping to find a frantic Hollywood sex scene that doesn't involve a man doing something violent to initiate sex, but gave up after several hours. (Just kidding-- you think we have that kind of time?) Seriously, please recommend a few movies where we can see women being portrayed as normal, sexual beings who can initiate sex without repercussions. In other words, no slasher films.

Honorable Mention: Love in the 21st Century

Sex Scene From The Show Love In The 21st Century

Also, we deliberately left out the Basic Instinct scene with Jeanne Tripplehorn because it's a borderline rape scene. So, for all of you who were about to write in to chide us for the oversight... "Ha! And you thought the ice pick death scene that opens the film would be here. This is somehow rougher... and Jeanne Tripplehorn is so much hotter than Sharon Stone, don't ya think? She has those incredible lips and an innocent Marilyn Monroe pout. We kind of wish she gets to do a movie where she leads the roughhousing and isn't sexually exploited like she is here. Okay?"

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Top 5 Threesome Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 21:22:00 GMT

We won't bore you with stories of our orgy and menage a trois experiences... because that's not why you're going to click on this post, right?

Without ado, the Five Best Sex Scenes That We Were Able To Find On The Internet And Could Embed Here... Part One. Suggestions, as always, for the next wave, in the comments section...

5. Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders. With a whopping 3.9-out-of-ten ranking on IMDB, you would be forgiven for not having heard of this via word-of-mouth. But now that Brittany Snow has been chosen to star in the Gossip Girl spinoff, expect this awful/true story to be repackaged in a useless Director's Cut DVD, complete with this sex scene stretched four milliseconds longer.

4. Factotum. If Marisa Tomei weren't in this scene, it wouldn't even have occurred to us to include it. After all, unless you consider dual finger-bangs "sex," this isn't much of a sex scene. But... again... Marisa Tomei, people...

3. Threesome. For a movie with sexual innuendo in the title, there isn't enough actual sex here. However, this clip does feature Lara Flynn Boyle getting talked "dirty" to over the phone while Stephen Baldwin goes down on her in person-- that counts, right? Oh, and there's an almost hot scene starting about 3:30 in with actual one-on-one sex. (The phone stuff starts at about 5:30.)

2. Wild Things. Jesus H! Is Matt Dillon in every great threesome in Hollywood history? You think he writes them in after signing his contract or will he not even agree to a role unless there's some menage goin' on? For us, the movie never gets finer than the opening scene, where a soap-sudsy Denise Richards stands dripping in Dillon's doorway, but everyone seems to think this is hotter 'n hell, so here goes...

1. American Psycho. "In terms of lyrics craftsmanship... this album hits new peaks of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you dance a little?" In another director's hands, this would've been too unsettling to be darkly humorous. Is the film over-the-top, obvious, excessively violent and ultimately not the greatest movie? Absolutely. Is this sex scene near-genius? You put that in granite and stamp it on a business card.

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Mr. Skin's 2009 Naked Oscar Nominees Are Here, Free and Uncensored

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Excuse the terrible headline, but we're rushing to be the first to take down The Man (Mr. Skin) by revealing his Top 5 Naked 2009 Academy Award Nominees in all their free and uncensored glory...

Earlier this week, the Hollywood nude database announced the famed annual list of naked Oscar nominees (of the ten females in acting categories, only Viola Davis has had a nude-free career.) Of course, there was an accompanying video with little Skin-heads over the naughty bits... but we'll take them away just for you, for free. You can't see this anywhere else... well, unless you do an exhaustive internet search that takes hours of our time, like we did...

5. Anne Hathaway - Havoc, nominated this year for Best Actress for Rachel Getting Married. Warning: this sex scene is disturbing, even in this chopped-up version.

4. Melissa Leo - Streetwalkin' (Best Actress - Frozen River) Although we couldn't find the topless scene Mr. Skin mentions, here's another scene with Leo showing some other parts of her award-winning anatomy, plus another funny "sex" scene from The Three Burials... movie, in which Dwight Yoakam remains in his socks. Classic.

3. Penelope Cruz - Elegy (Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.) Why hadn't we heard of this before? It stars Penelope Cruz, Ben Kingsley, and Patricia Clarkson, and features two of those three in the buff (guess which?) Also, it's based on a forgettable Philip Roth bestseller from only a few years ago. Did we mention Penelope is topless for what seems like all of the movie's two hour running time? Guess we'll have our answers on March 17th, when it Elegy comes to DVD.

2. Kate Winslet - The Reader (Best Actress for the same.) We haven't seen this movie, but the fact that we've heard it called one of the worst movies ever nominated for Best Picture and "without a doubt the foulest film about the Holocaust" leads us to believe that having checked out Winslet's three nude scenes online is more than enough torture for one year. By the way, since this film is still on theaters, this is a bootleg of a bootleg, so the quality is understandably low.

1. Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler (Best Supporting Actress for the same.) This nude scene has been played to death on Scanner's pages, but hey, this isn't our list. Use the link below to check out the many other great clips from her wonderful career.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Horror Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Here's Part One of a list that includes Keanu Reeves, vampires, Susan Sarandon, vampires, the devil, Keanu Reeves, the devil, and some more vampires.

Hey, horror's got a few good ideas and they're all recycled like Tipper Gore's vibrator batteries... or something equally irrelevant to this post.

5. Bram Stoker's Dracula. While this Keanu Reeves-Gary Oldman-Winona Ryder film directed by Francis Ford Coppola is well known, it's difficult to find sex scenes or even clips from it on YouTube or anywhere else. The film is nearly complete on YouTube, but with only this sequence intact and not the famous scene where Reeves is molested by a couple of hot, naked vampires. A tragic discovery, to be sure.

Another clip can be found here.

4. The Hunger. Ah yes, one of the most popular sex scenes of all-time, here for 432nd time. But would we have been forgiven for leaving out nude action involving Susan Sarandon and Catherine Denueve? Doubtful.

Hunger

3. Angel Heart. Remember the days before Mickey Rourke was a washed-up boxer? We don't remember them either, but how can we forget the most controversial sex scene of the 1980s, from this cult horror flick set in New Orleans that involved one of the Cosby girls. Say goodbye to network TV respectability with us...

Angel Heart

2. The Devil's Advocate. We may never understand why this gem (that's putting it lightly) of a sex scene is left off almost every list of the greats. Perhaps it disturbs some when they find out (SPOILERS!) that Keanu and Connie are siblings-- at least according to Satan, who would know. Bonus: two hot chicks, hallucinations, and the fires of hell-- don't miss this!

1. Embrace of the Vampire. Although you won't hear any arguments from us that #2 is the superior scene, we're putting this up in the top spot for pure raunch and "Unrated" hotness. In fact, if Alyssa Milano had never done Who's The Boss?, we think most guys would still know who she is, thanks to this ridiculous vampire sex film. Enjoy the scene embedded here and then feel free to poke around Metacafe for other clips from the movie.

Alysia Milano Sex Scene

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Starring Angelina Jolie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 20:29:00 GMT

While compiling last week's Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies, we started to realize 1) Angelina Jolie is in a boatload of action movies, 2) Angelina Jolie is naked in a boatload of action movies and 3) Angelina Jolie is naked in a boatload of movies...

5. The Good Shepherd. Angelina Jolie is the only total stranger we can think of who could somehow keep us turned on after demanding to know if we love her. Angie, please, we'd like you to learn our middle name and take a test on the Baltimore Colts first, okay?

4. Foxfire. This here's more of a slumber party sequence than a sex scene, but you won't be complaining. By the way, this is what every guy, aged 8 to 108, imagines women are doing when there are no boners around.

3. Original Sin. We're pretty sure Antonio Banderas does all these softcore porn flicks to get away from that nut Melanie Griffith, although it's hard to imagine any straight guy turning down a script that includes this scene. [By the way, for some reason the volume on this scene is much higher than our other clips. Sorry about that.]

2. Taking Lives. There are some technical problems with the sound in this vi-- oh, who's paying any attention to the bland dialogue and storyline of this movie anyway? Here are two sex scenes for the price of one. And ladies, that's your favorite up-and-comer Gerard Butler in the buff in scene two, which is actually (apparently) from Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.

1. Gia. It's possible you could get away with a Top 5 Sex Scenes Just From The TV Movie Gia, All Featuring Angelina Jolie list, especially if you include this as two separate sex scenes-- in the first, Angie has sex with a fence; in the second, she continues to nail the fence, while also including Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell in the action. Good Lord, it must be Friday...

You can check out more Jolie-Mitchell action from Gia in this clip.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:03:00 GMT

Every Hollywood action movie has to have a distracting sex scene about 70 minutes into the movie, just before the big, climactic showdown sequence begins-- just ask Sylvester Stallone. We defy you to name one action flick he's done without him rolling around in the sack with a Sharon Stone type, while Enya's instrumental score plays on the soundtrack in time with the snoring of almost everyone.

But, as no dude would feel the film is complete without it, screenwriters and directors keep plugging them in, sometimes ending up with something halfway decent...

Here are our Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies... God forbid you ask us to remember the context these fall in:

5. Cyborg 2. Is that... Good Lord, it is, isn't it? Yep, check out Angelina Jolie's slow-mo boobs in this quintessential pointless action movie sex scene, which was Jack Palance's ridiculously boneheaded followup to winning an Oscar for City Slickers. You can watch a higher quality clip of the same scene here (it's a smaller, non-embeddable frame.)

4. Killing Zoe. Watching this a second time, we realize how hilariously (and obviously) Freudian this is. The clip from the original Nosferatu, where the man springs from the floor, fully erect? Not phallic at all. Neither is the Venus fly trap clamping shut. The more we started thinking about this-- that Julie Delpy is the hooker with the heart of gold who gets Stockholm Syndrome and falls in love with a bank robber... ay ay ay... now we know why this fell into obscurity, despite Tarantino's involvement. Goodness starts at the 10:00 mark in the full film (seen below) or just click this link to go directly to the sex.

3. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This obnoxiously bad ripoff of "Prizzi's Honor" at least satisfied one requirement of the Hollywood action genre: a gratuitous, PG-13 rated sex scene. You actually see the moment where Brad Pitt decided to cheat on Jennifer Aniston in this clip.

2. The Terminator. It takes a hell of a director to making these two co-stars look sexy-- which is why James Cameron now has more money than a Fannie Mae exec. No wonder he ended up with Linda Hamilton for many years...

1. 300. Try watching any random section of dialogue in this film. Seriously-- you won't be able to last ten seconds without breaking out in fits of hysterical laughter. But this sex scene will shut you up right quick.

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:55:00 GMT

After a holiday hiatus, our regular feature returns. This week's list is wishful thinking-- we probably couldn't get away with outdoor sex in today's 36-degree New York weather... you'll have to let us know how your reenactments go in warmer climes...

5. U-Turn. Honestly, we didn't even remember that Jennifer Lopez was in this movie before finding this clip. Still haunting our memories, however, are those extreme closeups of Billy Bob Thornton's teeth.

Jennifer Lopez Outdoor Sex Scene

4. The Hot Spot. This tender nude scene was featured on our Jennifer Connelly list way back when. Hey, if you want to complain about seeing Jennifer Connelly naked again, we can't really help you.

Jennifer Connelly - The Hot Spot

3. Three. We would've had to field serious complaints if we didn't include this raunchy, sexual assault-turned cheeseball sex scene from some straight-to-DVD Kelly Brook vehicle. You'd be amazed how many fans this actress has...

Beach Sex

2. Fast Times At Ridgemont High. The two sex scenes with Jennifer Jason Leigh in this movie take place outdoors (one, in a semi-private changing room; the other, a baseball dugout), but they're clearly overshadowed by this sex-free fantasy sequence that would be our #1... if... only... she would touch someone... anyone...

Phoebe Cates-Fast Times At Ridgemont High

1. Domino. We're pretty sure it doesn't happen like this in the original cut of the movie (or any official cut, for that matter), but the homemade repeition is an addition we're thankful for.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From... 2007

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:05:00 GMT

Yes, we know, not only was 2007, like, ages ago but we already did a Best of 2008 list.

Well, that one was a smash success and you know how we enjoy sequels... let's touch on the best scenes of last year for other reasons as well: Unlike the 2008 list, every one of these films is available to rent in the United States and, well, the sex is way hotter. For God's sake-- Lust/Caution is borderline XXX... and we have to scenes from it here:

5 & 4. Lust/Caution. Ang Lee followed up 2006's Gay Sex Movie Brokeback Mountain with an NC-17 dud that features Tony Leung and Tang Wei tearing each other apart, almost literally. Here are two back-to-back sex scenes that kept us from turning the epic off about halfway through...

3. Hotel Chevalier (a short film/outtake from The Darjeeling Limited.) Natalie Portman has said she regrets doing this scene. That's not because her ass doesn't look spectacular in it or anything-- more likely, her complaint is due to Wes Anderson cutting her entire appearance from the print and letting dudes all over the world download it for free from iTunes.

Natalie Portman Nude

2. We Own The Night. Already long forgotten, this Joaquin Phoenix-led ensemble drama featured a brief Eva Mendes sex scene early on. The only reason to watch this movie? Eva Mendes. The only reason to watch a sex scene this short and dull? Eva Mendes.

1. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. A ridiculously and rather overrated heist pic, this one piles on the implausible twists from beginning to end, opening with the most implausable of all: Philip Seymour Hoffman giving it to Marisa Tomei doggystyle. Same with #2-- this movie wouldn't be the same without Tomei...

If that doesn't work you, try our Honorable Mention, also from BTDKYD. It's a nude scene, with the sex having happened earlier, but it's worth watching nonetheless:

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:02:00 GMT

In putting together this week's Top 5 Sex Scenes list, we rediscovered a lost gem... and decided against subjecting you to a clip from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, for which you should thank us...

#5: Pretty Baby. Until today, we had entirely forgot Sarandon was even in this movie... and, of course, that she was naked in it, touching her boobs with a wet finger. Yummy white powder.

#4: The Hunger. We've done this one to death... but how could you ever forgive us for leaving this off Susan Sarandon's list?

S Sarandon - Hunger

#3 & #2: Bull Durham. This one's a twofer, obviously. Who, in seeing this film, didn't run immediately home and knock everything off their kitchen counter/table for an evening of wild sex? And who among the single men who watched this movie didn't go home and knock everything off their table, just for the hell of it?

#1: White Palace. What is up with that sandwich? And why does it take her three seconds to get off once she's on top of him? These are just a small sample of the questions that a movie as bizarre and forgettable as White Palace will leave you with. Only the memory of this sex scene will keep you from having wasted your time.

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:08:00 GMT

Mr. Skin released his Top 10 Sex Scenes of 2008, but to see what that dirty old man is raving about, you have to sign up and give your credit card to a bunch of perverts.

Or you could see them all for free, thanks to the beauty of Google and our embedding, um, tool...

5. Neve Campbell. We took some flack for ragging on (a photo of) Neve Campbell's nipples in a screencap from I Really Hate My Job, but seeing them in action here, they like quite normal to us. That's the problem with screencaps, of course: they're never as titilating as the real thing.

4. Asia Argento. Picking a favorite nude scene from Asia Argento is like picking your favorite $100 bill-- they're all equally fantastic, as well as a wonder to behold. Here's one from some Italian or Spanish movie-- but what do you care?

3. Heather Graham. When we first caught Heather Graham in Swingers, we never suspected that every movie since would feature her getting nailed in the nude. You'd think she'd go the Julia Roberts route and Neve Campbell would end up more of a Denise Richards type. But nope... and not that we're complaining. When was the last time you enjoyed seeing a Julia Roberts sex scene?

2. Mischa Barton. We can't believe we're saying this, but how adorable is a crying, curly-haired Mischa Barton dubbed in Spanish in this scene from Closing the Ring?

1. Sophie Monk. The catchphrase of the year is not "Change" or even "Pancakes." It's "foreplay is for losers." See why, with this clip:

The rest of the top 10, according to Mr. Skin: Anna Farris in the House Bunny; Mena Suvari in Stuck; Amy Smart in Mirrors; Penelope Cruz in Elegy; and Aneglina Jolie in Wanted, which we may post next week if you have those.

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Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Following up on the promise made with the Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes, we present the sequel, which was already in production when the first one landed with a triumphant boom on the mass culture...

5. Monster. It took some serious gobs of makeup and inventive hairstyling to make Christina Ricci and Charlize Theron unattractive, but somehow the sex scene survives. Perhaps this is due to the previous scene, one of our favorite romantic moments on screen, in which the stars awkwardly discover each other while rollerskating and continue making out with extreme giddiness even as the crowd becomes nauseated. (And to the strains of "Don't Stop Believin''" to boot!)

4. Desert Hearts. Thanks to a nomination in our first Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes post, we've decided to include this cult classic (sex scene) in the followup, although we're not sure this is the hottest of the films two sex scenes. (If anyone finds an embeddable or even a linkable version of the other sex scene in the film, we'll take a look.)

3. Wild Side. Anne Heche is so believably lesbian in this sex scene with the great and sorely missed Joan Chen, it's no surprise she played gay in real life for a few years after. Once you've had Joan... you can't go bone? Something like that... anyway, enjoy:

2. Lost and Delirious. By special request, we've included this very, very sexy scene here-- only because it's able to overcome the whiny and distracting soundtrack tune. As Joe Cocker (a porn star name if there ever was one) said at Woodstock, "This title pretty much puts it all into focus."

1. If These Walls Could Talk 2. Again, we can tolerate the soundtrack for the chance to enjoy Michelle Williams and Chloe Sevigny devouring each other, first to a neighbor's delight (or it it horror?) and then to the strains of an obvious Melissa Etheridge song. With or without it, this scene rules.

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:05:00 GMT

You get a bonus 6th video this week, thanks to our being unable to decide between the two best scenes in a certain David Lynch movie...

5. Gia. Angelina Jolie rocketed to (semi-)stardom following her Golden Globe win for this hugely successful TV movie. There are many, many sex scenes in this film (could that be the reason it wasn't released theatrically?)-- we picked this one at random, but they're all worth checking out in their own ways.

4. Wild Things. This is more like an entry for "Top 5 Orgy Sex Scenes" or something, but there is some nice girl-on-girl, even if Matt Dillon does get in the way.

3. Better Than Chocolate. We almost included the jailbait-y Thirteen in this list, but nah. This is softcore porn for lesbians, sort of the cinematic L Word. We think that'll give you some idea of what's to come in this 4-minute clip, with the sexy stuff starting about a minute in...

2 (tie). Mulholland Drive. Still arguably the best movie so far this century, this scary-as-fuck freakshow grips you from the first frame to the widely-discussed last. Part of the reason is unquestionably these two sex scenes, one of which is our second favorite of all time. (We think you can guess which.)

1. Bound. Yeah, yeah. You saw this pick coming as soon as you saw the word "Lesbian" in our headline. Good for you. Now, settle down... we're trying to enjoy this...

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Runners Up: High Art, Thirteen, Monster, Showgirls and the Hunger (which we covered in our Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1980s list), plus whatever you nominate in the comments section. Hell, we will probably end up doing a Part Two somewhere down the road...

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