Scanner : top 5 lists

Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Fleshbot alerted us to the upcoming Charlize Theron movie, The Burning Plain, which continues Oscar-winning nude trailblazer Charlize Theron's tradition of going topless "if the role requires it."

Here's a list of the five highlights from that stunning career. Nope, no Cider House Rules or Aeon Flux this time... someday, though, we'll get to those scenes...

5. Monster. This harrowing, utterly absorbing serial killer biopic landed Theron a well-deserved Oscar. You would think that would be what everyone remembers about the hit film-- but no, this is what the internet still buzzes about: Charlize + Christina Ricci + tongue = hot sex. This would be one of the most popular sex scenes in history if only the makeup department hadn't conspired to make their characters look more like scary murderers than sex symbols.

4. Reindeer Games. Due to the uploaders poor editing on the first sex scene from this movie, we've included the pool scene as well. Neither of them are all that memorable, but together... not a bad waste of 90 seconds...

3. Head in the Clouds. We always wondered how Stuart Townsend, that lucky bastard, hooked up with our girl, who refers to him as her "husband." It wasn't on this film, but one shortly before that these two met-- but it might as well have started with this scene, which is probably what their nights are like 365 days a year. Lucky, lucky.

2. 2 Days in the Valley. The scene that made her famous starts about 22 seconds in. James Spader may have been in Sex, Lies, and Videotape and a few of the Brat Pack movies. He may have been incredibly good on Boston Legal. Hell, he may go on to win 10 Academy Awards (all for supporting actor-- ha ha, he's always a bridesmaid....) The point is: no matter what James Spader does with the rest of his life, the first line on his resume should read: "Yeah, I was in That Fucking Scene."

1. The Devil's Advocate. You scrolled right to the bottom to check for this one, didn't you? We can't blame you-- this one always blew the others away, especially when we saw it in the context of The Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino Bad Acting Experience. Perhaps both men signed up to enjoy these two lovely ladies in the buff-- after all, there are worse ways to make a living.

America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho

Top 5 Monica Bellucci Sex Scenes

Rosario Dawson Will Never Stop Having to Discuss Her Sex Scenes

Michelle Williams Strips, Seduces, Enjoys Ewan McGregor

Top 5 "The Price Is Right" Clips

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:35:00 GMT

When we were younger, we couldn't stand The Price Is Right. We've always recoiled violently from advertising and even more so from subliminal advertising and product placement. But when it was announced that Bob Barker would retire and, recently, that the Drew Carey version is going off the air next month, we felt it was time to reconsider America's greatest daytime show.

Barker has always struck us as a heroic common man figure-- a guy who put in 35 years at the same job without complaint (after all, it must have become redundant around year four), did 50 years in show business, and even poked fun at himself at the end of his career in Happy Gilmore instead of resting on his laurels.

It turns out, Barker returned to the set yesterday to film a show airing April 6th in which he co-hosts with Carey and promotes his new, for-charity memoir. In honor of this wonderful man and his charming, charmed life, we present our Five Favorite Moments From the Bob Barker Price Is Right...

5) Hordes of Excited Women Molest Bob Barker. You only need to watch the first fifteen-twenty seconds to remember why Bob Barker quit the show due to his age and serious back injuries. At 2:18, watch as Colonel Sanders pulls the same move. And at 8:15, don't miss Ethel's "dream" about Bob.

4) Tidy cats. We'll never look at our roommate's cat the same way.

3) Nipple slip! A Price Is Right model endures a nipple slip on national television. Wait a minute, this show is live?! (Forunately for the squares running CBS, you can't really see anything with the credits going up.)

2) TIE: A Model and a Gentleman and The Third Time's The Charm. Believe it or not, there were countless on-air marriage proposals during Barker's 35-year run and we weren't able to choose between these two. Try not to choke up a bit here...

1) Cheating Emerson student -- is there any other kind? Bob Barker famously walks off the set and say, "I'm going home." It may not be as powerful as the last couple, but this may have been the most-publicized moment in the entire show's history. Barker rarely got upset with anyone, but this time, you believe it...

You can watch the final minutes of his final show here, by the way.

Related:

Chelsea Will Take Trebek for 1000, But Which Host Would You Rather?

Amazon Giving Away Lots of Great mp3's

Top 5 Frantic Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 21:44:00 GMT

These scenes for your frantic Friday are not of the S&M or Basic Instinct or even Secretary variety (that's a whole 'nother list.) Sometimes, you've had a really epic and soul-crushing workweek and you don't have time to warm up.

As those recent and soon-to-be-disproved surveys say, there's no need for foreplay anymore...

5. The Life of David Gale. Was it just us or was this Kevin Spacey-Kate Winslet movie a triumph of wasting our complete fucking time? Nope, we weren't the only ones-- the movie hovers around a 20% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes-- oh, and Richard Roeper gave it thumbs up, so that's all the evidence we need. And, frankly, we don't even remember this sex scene being in the film, which has to stand for something.

4. True Blood. Hey, we didn't claim these were all from the movies anymore. Besides, this show is more softcore porn flick than any turgid rated-R crapburger we've sat through this year... so, once again... that's gotta count for something. And bonafide Academy Award-winning actress Anna Paquin is featured-- so... there's that.

3. The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981) - We include this scene because, in a rare move for misogynist Hollywood, a woman is seen to be "leading" and "directing" the sex. Note that Jessica Lange demands that Jack Nicholson wait until she clears the table, then orders him to get down to business. Furthermore, she doesn't enjoy being on the bottom, so Jack will just have to make do with her on top. That's more like it, Tinseltown.

2. Crash (1996) - You've probably seen the Rosanna Arquette-James Spader scene... and the Deborah Unger-Elias Koteas-while-James-Spader watches sex scenes. But unless you've seen Crash, the 1996 David Cronenberg film and not to be mistaken for that flaming piece of tripe from a few years ago, you probably didn't even know about the Holly Hunter-James Spader scene. My God, how was this NC-17 release not banned from theaters and burned by the conservative movement?

1. A History of Violence - We were hoping to find a frantic Hollywood sex scene that doesn't involve a man doing something violent to initiate sex, but gave up after several hours. (Just kidding-- you think we have that kind of time?) Seriously, please recommend a few movies where we can see women being portrayed as normal, sexual beings who can initiate sex without repercussions. In other words, no slasher films.

Honorable Mention: Love in the 21st Century

Sex Scene From The Show Love In The 21st Century

Also, we deliberately left out the Basic Instinct scene with Jeanne Tripplehorn because it's a borderline rape scene. So, for all of you who were about to write in to chide us for the oversight... "Ha! And you thought the ice pick death scene that opens the film would be here. This is somehow rougher... and Jeanne Tripplehorn is so much hotter than Sharon Stone, don't ya think? She has those incredible lips and an innocent Marilyn Monroe pout. We kind of wish she gets to do a movie where she leads the roughhousing and isn't sexually exploited like she is here. Okay?"

Related:

Top 5 Threesome Sex Scenes

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Horror Movies

Gwyneth Paltrow Saves Joaquin Phoenix's Career With Her Boobs

Anna Friel Has Been Getting Naked Since Before She Was Born

Top 5 Threesome Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 21:22:00 GMT

We won't bore you with stories of our orgy and menage a trois experiences... because that's not why you're going to click on this post, right?

Without ado, the Five Best Sex Scenes That We Were Able To Find On The Internet And Could Embed Here... Part One. Suggestions, as always, for the next wave, in the comments section...

5. Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders. With a whopping 3.9-out-of-ten ranking on IMDB, you would be forgiven for not having heard of this via word-of-mouth. But now that Brittany Snow has been chosen to star in the Gossip Girl spinoff, expect this awful/true story to be repackaged in a useless Director's Cut DVD, complete with this sex scene stretched four milliseconds longer.

4. Factotum. If Marisa Tomei weren't in this scene, it wouldn't even have occurred to us to include it. After all, unless you consider dual finger-bangs "sex," this isn't much of a sex scene. But... again... Marisa Tomei, people...

3. Threesome. For a movie with sexual innuendo in the title, there isn't enough actual sex here. However, this clip does feature Lara Flynn Boyle getting talked "dirty" to over the phone while Stephen Baldwin goes down on her in person-- that counts, right? Oh, and there's an almost hot scene starting about 3:30 in with actual one-on-one sex. (The phone stuff starts at about 5:30.)

2. Wild Things. Jesus H! Is Matt Dillon in every great threesome in Hollywood history? You think he writes them in after signing his contract or will he not even agree to a role unless there's some menage goin' on? For us, the movie never gets finer than the opening scene, where a soap-sudsy Denise Richards stands dripping in Dillon's doorway, but everyone seems to think this is hotter 'n hell, so here goes...

1. American Psycho. "In terms of lyrics craftsmanship... this album hits new peaks of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you dance a little?" In another director's hands, this would've been too unsettling to be darkly humorous. Is the film over-the-top, obvious, excessively violent and ultimately not the greatest movie? Absolutely. Is this sex scene near-genius? You put that in granite and stamp it on a business card.

Cara Seymour Krista Sutton American Psycho - More amazing videos are a click away

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Horror Movies

Top 5 Salma Hayek Sex Scenes

Top 5 Sex Scenes Starring Angelina Jolie

Mr. Skin's 2009 Naked Oscar Nominees Are Here, Free and Uncensored

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Excuse the terrible headline, but we're rushing to be the first to take down The Man (Mr. Skin) by revealing his Top 5 Naked 2009 Academy Award Nominees in all their free and uncensored glory...

Earlier this week, the Hollywood nude database announced the famed annual list of naked Oscar nominees (of the ten females in acting categories, only Viola Davis has had a nude-free career.) Of course, there was an accompanying video with little Skin-heads over the naughty bits... but we'll take them away just for you, for free. You can't see this anywhere else... well, unless you do an exhaustive internet search that takes hours of our time, like we did...

5. Anne Hathaway - Havoc, nominated this year for Best Actress for Rachel Getting Married. Warning: this sex scene is disturbing, even in this chopped-up version.

4. Melissa Leo - Streetwalkin' (Best Actress - Frozen River) Although we couldn't find the topless scene Mr. Skin mentions, here's another scene with Leo showing some other parts of her award-winning anatomy, plus another funny "sex" scene from The Three Burials... movie, in which Dwight Yoakam remains in his socks. Classic.

3. Penelope Cruz - Elegy (Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.) Why hadn't we heard of this before? It stars Penelope Cruz, Ben Kingsley, and Patricia Clarkson, and features two of those three in the buff (guess which?) Also, it's based on a forgettable Philip Roth bestseller from only a few years ago. Did we mention Penelope is topless for what seems like all of the movie's two hour running time? Guess we'll have our answers on March 17th, when it Elegy comes to DVD.

2. Kate Winslet - The Reader (Best Actress for the same.) We haven't seen this movie, but the fact that we've heard it called one of the worst movies ever nominated for Best Picture and "without a doubt the foulest film about the Holocaust" leads us to believe that having checked out Winslet's three nude scenes online is more than enough torture for one year. By the way, since this film is still on theaters, this is a bootleg of a bootleg, so the quality is understandably low.

1. Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler (Best Supporting Actress for the same.) This nude scene has been played to death on Scanner's pages, but hey, this isn't our list. Use the link below to check out the many other great clips from her wonderful career.

Marisa Tomei NUDE Stripper Performance in 'The Wrestler'

Top 5 Salma Hayek Sex Scenes

Top 5 Sex Scenes Starring Angelina Jolie

Amber Heard Finally Nails Her Breakthrough With This Sex Scene

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Horror Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Here's Part One of a list that includes Keanu Reeves, vampires, Susan Sarandon, vampires, the devil, Keanu Reeves, the devil, and some more vampires.

Hey, horror's got a few good ideas and they're all recycled like Tipper Gore's vibrator batteries... or something equally irrelevant to this post.

5. Bram Stoker's Dracula. While this Keanu Reeves-Gary Oldman-Winona Ryder film directed by Francis Ford Coppola is well known, it's difficult to find sex scenes or even clips from it on YouTube or anywhere else. The film is nearly complete on YouTube, but with only this sequence intact and not the famous scene where Reeves is molested by a couple of hot, naked vampires. A tragic discovery, to be sure.

Another clip can be found here.

4. The Hunger. Ah yes, one of the most popular sex scenes of all-time, here for 432nd time. But would we have been forgiven for leaving out nude action involving Susan Sarandon and Catherine Denueve? Doubtful.

Hunger

3. Angel Heart. Remember the days before Mickey Rourke was a washed-up boxer? We don't remember them either, but how can we forget the most controversial sex scene of the 1980s, from this cult horror flick set in New Orleans that involved one of the Cosby girls. Say goodbye to network TV respectability with us...

Angel Heart

2. The Devil's Advocate. We may never understand why this gem (that's putting it lightly) of a sex scene is left off almost every list of the greats. Perhaps it disturbs some when they find out (SPOILERS!) that Keanu and Connie are siblings-- at least according to Satan, who would know. Bonus: two hot chicks, hallucinations, and the fires of hell-- don't miss this!

1. Embrace of the Vampire. Although you won't hear any arguments from us that #2 is the superior scene, we're putting this up in the top spot for pure raunch and "Unrated" hotness. In fact, if Alyssa Milano had never done Who's The Boss?, we think most guys would still know who she is, thanks to this ridiculous vampire sex film. Enjoy the scene embedded here and then feel free to poke around Metacafe for other clips from the movie.

Alysia Milano Sex Scene

More coming in a few weeks in Part Two... suggestions are always welcome...

Kate Winslet on America's Nudity Double Standard

Top 5 Sex Scenes Starring Angelina Jolie

Amber Heard Finally Nails Her Breakthrough With This Sex Scene

Top 5 Sex Scenes Starring Angelina Jolie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 20:29:00 GMT

While compiling last week's Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies, we started to realize 1) Angelina Jolie is in a boatload of action movies, 2) Angelina Jolie is naked in a boatload of action movies and 3) Angelina Jolie is naked in a boatload of movies...

5. The Good Shepherd. Angelina Jolie is the only total stranger we can think of who could somehow keep us turned on after demanding to know if we love her. Angie, please, we'd like you to learn our middle name and take a test on the Baltimore Colts first, okay?

4. Foxfire. This here's more of a slumber party sequence than a sex scene, but you won't be complaining. By the way, this is what every guy, aged 8 to 108, imagines women are doing when there are no boners around.

3. Original Sin. We're pretty sure Antonio Banderas does all these softcore porn flicks to get away from that nut Melanie Griffith, although it's hard to imagine any straight guy turning down a script that includes this scene. [By the way, for some reason the volume on this scene is much higher than our other clips. Sorry about that.]

2. Taking Lives. There are some technical problems with the sound in this vi-- oh, who's paying any attention to the bland dialogue and storyline of this movie anyway? Here are two sex scenes for the price of one. And ladies, that's your favorite up-and-comer Gerard Butler in the buff in scene two, which is actually (apparently) from Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.

1. Gia. It's possible you could get away with a Top 5 Sex Scenes Just From The TV Movie Gia, All Featuring Angelina Jolie list, especially if you include this as two separate sex scenes-- in the first, Angie has sex with a fence; in the second, she continues to nail the fence, while also including Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell in the action. Good Lord, it must be Friday...

You can check out more Jolie-Mitchell action from Gia in this clip.

Related:

From Porn Stars To Prostitutes... The Latest Ads

We Nominate... Marisa Tomei For Best Supporting Nipple Rings

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies

Top 5 Sex Scenes Set in the Great Outdoors

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:03:00 GMT

Every Hollywood action movie has to have a distracting sex scene about 70 minutes into the movie, just before the big, climactic showdown sequence begins-- just ask Sylvester Stallone. We defy you to name one action flick he's done without him rolling around in the sack with a Sharon Stone type, while Enya's instrumental score plays on the soundtrack in time with the snoring of almost everyone.

But, as no dude would feel the film is complete without it, screenwriters and directors keep plugging them in, sometimes ending up with something halfway decent...

Here are our Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies... God forbid you ask us to remember the context these fall in:

5. Cyborg 2. Is that... Good Lord, it is, isn't it? Yep, check out Angelina Jolie's slow-mo boobs in this quintessential pointless action movie sex scene, which was Jack Palance's ridiculously boneheaded followup to winning an Oscar for City Slickers. You can watch a higher quality clip of the same scene here (it's a smaller, non-embeddable frame.)

4. Killing Zoe. Watching this a second time, we realize how hilariously (and obviously) Freudian this is. The clip from the original Nosferatu, where the man springs from the floor, fully erect? Not phallic at all. Neither is the Venus fly trap clamping shut. The more we started thinking about this-- that Julie Delpy is the hooker with the heart of gold who gets Stockholm Syndrome and falls in love with a bank robber... ay ay ay... now we know why this fell into obscurity, despite Tarantino's involvement. Goodness starts at the 10:00 mark in the full film (seen below) or just click this link to go directly to the sex.

3. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This obnoxiously bad ripoff of "Prizzi's Honor" at least satisfied one requirement of the Hollywood action genre: a gratuitous, PG-13 rated sex scene. You actually see the moment where Brad Pitt decided to cheat on Jennifer Aniston in this clip.

2. The Terminator. It takes a hell of a director to making these two co-stars look sexy-- which is why James Cameron now has more money than a Fannie Mae exec. No wonder he ended up with Linda Hamilton for many years...

1. 300. Try watching any random section of dialogue in this film. Seriously-- you won't be able to last ten seconds without breaking out in fits of hysterical laughter. But this sex scene will shut you up right quick.

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Other Sex Scenes

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

Top 5 Sex Scenes Set in the Great Outdoors

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:55:00 GMT

After a holiday hiatus, our regular feature returns. This week's list is wishful thinking-- we probably couldn't get away with outdoor sex in today's 36-degree New York weather... you'll have to let us know how your reenactments go in warmer climes...

5. U-Turn. Honestly, we didn't even remember that Jennifer Lopez was in this movie before finding this clip. Still haunting our memories, however, are those extreme closeups of Billy Bob Thornton's teeth.

Jennifer Lopez Outdoor Sex Scene

4. The Hot Spot. This tender nude scene was featured on our Jennifer Connelly list way back when. Hey, if you want to complain about seeing Jennifer Connelly naked again, we can't really help you.

Jennifer Connelly - The Hot Spot

3. Three. We would've had to field serious complaints if we didn't include this raunchy, sexual assault-turned cheeseball sex scene from some straight-to-DVD Kelly Brook vehicle. You'd be amazed how many fans this actress has...

Beach Sex

2. Fast Times At Ridgemont High. The two sex scenes with Jennifer Jason Leigh in this movie take place outdoors (one, in a semi-private changing room; the other, a baseball dugout), but they're clearly overshadowed by this sex-free fantasy sequence that would be our #1... if... only... she would touch someone... anyone...

Phoebe Cates-Fast Times At Ridgemont High

1. Domino. We're pretty sure it doesn't happen like this in the original cut of the movie (or any official cut, for that matter), but the homemade repeition is an addition we're thankful for.

Keira-knightley Having Sex Outdoors

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

Happy Belated Birthday to Porn Star Ginger Lynn

Top 5 Sex Scenes From... 2007

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:05:00 GMT

Yes, we know, not only was 2007, like, ages ago but we already did a Best of 2008 list.

Well, that one was a smash success and you know how we enjoy sequels... let's touch on the best scenes of last year for other reasons as well: Unlike the 2008 list, every one of these films is available to rent in the United States and, well, the sex is way hotter. For God's sake-- Lust/Caution is borderline XXX... and we have to scenes from it here:

5 & 4. Lust/Caution. Ang Lee followed up 2006's Gay Sex Movie Brokeback Mountain with an NC-17 dud that features Tony Leung and Tang Wei tearing each other apart, almost literally. Here are two back-to-back sex scenes that kept us from turning the epic off about halfway through...

3. Hotel Chevalier (a short film/outtake from The Darjeeling Limited.) Natalie Portman has said she regrets doing this scene. That's not because her ass doesn't look spectacular in it or anything-- more likely, her complaint is due to Wes Anderson cutting her entire appearance from the print and letting dudes all over the world download it for free from iTunes.

Natalie Portman Nude

2. We Own The Night. Already long forgotten, this Joaquin Phoenix-led ensemble drama featured a brief Eva Mendes sex scene early on. The only reason to watch this movie? Eva Mendes. The only reason to watch a sex scene this short and dull? Eva Mendes.

1. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. A ridiculously and rather overrated heist pic, this one piles on the implausible twists from beginning to end, opening with the most implausable of all: Philip Seymour Hoffman giving it to Marisa Tomei doggystyle. Same with #2-- this movie wouldn't be the same without Tomei...

If that doesn't work you, try our Honorable Mention, also from BTDKYD. It's a nude scene, with the sex having happened earlier, but it's worth watching nonetheless:

Related:

Top 5 Susan Sarandon Sex Scenes

More Olga Kurylenko Nude Photos Surface

Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

Eliza Dushku Set For Fame Thanks To This Sex Scene

Top 5 Nude Scenes of 2008

Top 5 Susan Sarandon Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:02:00 GMT

In putting together this week's Top 5 Sex Scenes list, we rediscovered a lost gem... and decided against subjecting you to a clip from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, for which you should thank us...

#5: Pretty Baby. Until today, we had entirely forgot Sarandon was even in this movie... and, of course, that she was naked in it, touching her boobs with a wet finger. Yummy white powder.

#4: The Hunger. We've done this one to death... but how could you ever forgive us for leaving this off Susan Sarandon's list?

S Sarandon - Hunger

#3 & #2: Bull Durham. This one's a twofer, obviously. Who, in seeing this film, didn't run immediately home and knock everything off their kitchen counter/table for an evening of wild sex? And who among the single men who watched this movie didn't go home and knock everything off their table, just for the hell of it?

#1: White Palace. What is up with that sandwich? And why does it take her three seconds to get off once she's on top of him? These are just a small sample of the questions that a movie as bizarre and forgettable as White Palace will leave you with. Only the memory of this sex scene will keep you from having wasted your time.

Related:

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

More Olga Kurylenko Nude Photos Surface

Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

Eliza Dushku Set For Fame Thanks To This Sex Scene

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

Top 5 Nude Scenes of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:08:00 GMT

Mr. Skin released his Top 10 Sex Scenes of 2008, but to see what that dirty old man is raving about, you have to sign up and give your credit card to a bunch of perverts.

Or you could see them all for free, thanks to the beauty of Google and our embedding, um, tool...

5. Neve Campbell. We took some flack for ragging on (a photo of) Neve Campbell's nipples in a screencap from I Really Hate My Job, but seeing them in action here, they like quite normal to us. That's the problem with screencaps, of course: they're never as titilating as the real thing.

4. Asia Argento. Picking a favorite nude scene from Asia Argento is like picking your favorite $100 bill-- they're all equally fantastic, as well as a wonder to behold. Here's one from some Italian or Spanish movie-- but what do you care?

3. Heather Graham. When we first caught Heather Graham in Swingers, we never suspected that every movie since would feature her getting nailed in the nude. You'd think she'd go the Julia Roberts route and Neve Campbell would end up more of a Denise Richards type. But nope... and not that we're complaining. When was the last time you enjoyed seeing a Julia Roberts sex scene?

2. Mischa Barton. We can't believe we're saying this, but how adorable is a crying, curly-haired Mischa Barton dubbed in Spanish in this scene from Closing the Ring?

1. Sophie Monk. The catchphrase of the year is not "Change" or even "Pancakes." It's "foreplay is for losers." See why, with this clip:

The rest of the top 10, according to Mr. Skin: Anna Farris in the House Bunny; Mena Suvari in Stuck; Amy Smart in Mirrors; Penelope Cruz in Elegy; and Aneglina Jolie in Wanted, which we may post next week if you have those.

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: The Top 5

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

Top 5 Sex Scenes From TV Shows

Top 5 Chase Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:12:00 GMT

While we were working on today's story about the car chase that ended in a car crash involving another, unrelated stolen car, we started thinking about the favorite argument of many a film buff: what is the greatest chase scene of all-time? Bullit? The French Connection? Toy Story?

Here are our five favorites, with enough pedal to the metal to kick your five-day week into high gear...

5. The Road Warrior. No action movie since this film's release in 1982 has come close to its quality. One of the reasons for this is the chase scene, which you only need to see once to remember in such detail. (Warning: this is gritty stuff.)

4. Bullit. Usually, this is ranked as the #1 movie chase scene, although we couldn't get past the fact that the film surrounding this sequence is plodding and uninvolving. But hey, there's a reason every action film set in the Bay Area since the 60s has stolen from this. (That means you, The Rock.) By the way, check out that dude's driving gloves! And hey, is that Goldfinger riding shotgun?

3. The French Connection. A crazed French assassin tries to escape the clutches of Mean Gene Hackman-- but the Frenchman has underestimated Hackman's insane desire to catch him. This is the formula for this chase scene from the 1971 William Friedkin film (he also directed our #1 pick), which many people believe was a basically unplanned sequence. Watching it again so many years later, it's hard to imagine this was staged, even by a crazy auteur like Friedkin-- we doubt a stunt driver would have agreed to plow through pedestrians like this without some kind of safeguards in place.

2. Mad Max - the opening ten minutes of this movie made Mel Gibson a star. Watch them now, complete with one of the best and longest police chases outside of the Los Angeles Metropolitan area...

1. To Live and Die in L.A. When we think of chases, we think of near-misses, lots of lane changes and side streets, huge pileups... and going the wrong way on the freeway. Uh oh.

Other greats include: Ronin, every scene of Vanishing Point and Two-Lane Blacktop, and The Getaway, also with Steve McQueen. Add yours in the comments...

The 15 Most Promiscuous Countries

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 10-6

While You Were Sleeping: Winona Ryder OD'd

Some Advice for Future Bond Girls: No More Bikinis

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Following up on the promise made with the Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes, we present the sequel, which was already in production when the first one landed with a triumphant boom on the mass culture...

5. Monster. It took some serious gobs of makeup and inventive hairstyling to make Christina Ricci and Charlize Theron unattractive, but somehow the sex scene survives. Perhaps this is due to the previous scene, one of our favorite romantic moments on screen, in which the stars awkwardly discover each other while rollerskating and continue making out with extreme giddiness even as the crowd becomes nauseated. (And to the strains of "Don't Stop Believin''" to boot!)

4. Desert Hearts. Thanks to a nomination in our first Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes post, we've decided to include this cult classic (sex scene) in the followup, although we're not sure this is the hottest of the films two sex scenes. (If anyone finds an embeddable or even a linkable version of the other sex scene in the film, we'll take a look.)

3. Wild Side. Anne Heche is so believably lesbian in this sex scene with the great and sorely missed Joan Chen, it's no surprise she played gay in real life for a few years after. Once you've had Joan... you can't go bone? Something like that... anyway, enjoy:

2. Lost and Delirious. By special request, we've included this very, very sexy scene here-- only because it's able to overcome the whiny and distracting soundtrack tune. As Joe Cocker (a porn star name if there ever was one) said at Woodstock, "This title pretty much puts it all into focus."

1. If These Walls Could Talk 2. Again, we can tolerate the soundtrack for the chance to enjoy Michelle Williams and Chloe Sevigny devouring each other, first to a neighbor's delight (or it it horror?) and then to the strains of an obvious Melissa Etheridge song. With or without it, this scene rules.

Related:

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes

Lindsay Lohan is in Love With a Woman But Not a Lesbian

New York Times: Iraq War Ends

Top 5 Sex Scenes From TV Shows

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:43:00 GMT

You ever hear a friend raving and drooling about a celebrity that you check out and say, "Why the hell are you attracted to that person?" (Fess up, Backstreet Boys anti-fans.)

Sometimes it's the media trying to make a hottie out of a starlet or reality show contestant forced on them by an overworked publicist. Or it's a massively successful makeup team turning a Plain Jane/Joe into a model so that the readers of Us Weekly can reassure themselves that they, too, can be prince(sse)s.

First up: the Ladies Edition.

5. Ivanka Trump. The fact that she's even related to the Donald is strike one-- strike two are the similar features to him, which is too creepy for us. Nonetheless, she's classy, self-assured, and apparently without a monstrous ego, which is more than we can say for most people.

4. Angie Stone. Great singer, looks snazzy in a hat, and her music doesn't depress the shit out of us. That's all gotta account for something. But, as with the rest of these choices, we can't decide whether she's attractive or not.

3. Mariah Carey. This would've been a no-brainer if we'd showed a screenshot of her video for the "Fantasy" single (maybe it's being brought up on The Dukes of Hazzard, but we've always had a thing for jean shorts and short shorts), but nowadays, with the fake boobs, terrible movies, and the other fiascos, we're not feelin' it anymore...

2. Nicky Hilton. We're learning toward the "not" on the "Hot or Not" scale of things, but it does help that she has beautiful eyes and is not her sister in almost every imaginable way, which probably makes her more appealing than she would be otherwise.

1. Alanis Morrisette. How many times have you gone out with someone and kept it going because you thought the person was an awesome conversationalist and you didn't want to lose that? That's the likely predicament we'd find ourselves in if we ever ended up dating Alanis-- she's well-read, world weary, and able to hold her own over a couple of vodka cranberry's until the wee hours... which may be why we'd rather best friend her than anything else. (Con: She dated Ryan Reynolds. Ouch.)

(P.S. We didn't include Britney Spears on this list because there's no question that she is not currently appealing on any level.)

What do you think? Are we crazy for not wanting to get it on with all these very pretty women? And who did we miss?

Top photo (of Charlize Theron) via Esquire. By the way, in case you were wondering, Charlize Theron is unquestionably hot.

Related:

Fake Shakespearean Actors Stage Colin Farrell Sex Tape

Top 5 Sexiest Celebrity Costumes

How The World Watches Porn Now

Hot or Not? Heidi Klum's Got Milk Ad

Today It's Porn Vs. Halloween For Kevin Smith

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:05:00 GMT

You get a bonus 6th video this week, thanks to our being unable to decide between the two best scenes in a certain David Lynch movie...

5. Gia. Angelina Jolie rocketed to (semi-)stardom following her Golden Globe win for this hugely successful TV movie. There are many, many sex scenes in this film (could that be the reason it wasn't released theatrically?)-- we picked this one at random, but they're all worth checking out in their own ways.

4. Wild Things. This is more like an entry for "Top 5 Orgy Sex Scenes" or something, but there is some nice girl-on-girl, even if Matt Dillon does get in the way.

3. Better Than Chocolate. We almost included the jailbait-y Thirteen in this list, but nah. This is softcore porn for lesbians, sort of the cinematic L Word. We think that'll give you some idea of what's to come in this 4-minute clip, with the sexy stuff starting about a minute in...

2 (tie). Mulholland Drive. Still arguably the best movie so far this century, this scary-as-fuck freakshow grips you from the first frame to the widely-discussed last. Part of the reason is unquestionably these two sex scenes, one of which is our second favorite of all time. (We think you can guess which.)

1. Bound. Yeah, yeah. You saw this pick coming as soon as you saw the word "Lesbian" in our headline. Good for you. Now, settle down... we're trying to enjoy this...

Gina Gershon & Jennifer Tilly Lesbian Scene - Click here for more amazing videos

Runners Up: High Art, Thirteen, Monster, Showgirls and the Hunger (which we covered in our Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1980s list), plus whatever you nominate in the comments section. Hell, we will probably end up doing a Part Two somewhere down the road...

Related:

Lizzy Caplan And Her HBO Porn Show Still Terrible, Terribly Hot

Some of the Hottest Women in the Country All Got Naked Together

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Comedies

Lizzy Caplan, Not To Be Outdone By Anna Paquin, Takes It Off For True Blood

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Comedies

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Nerve once did a Top 5 Funny Sex Scene list. Unfortunately, we disagree with almost all of its choices ("The Graduate" being the only exception.)

Here's a new, much funnier list, with not only great sex scenes but barrels of laughs (we had a hard time imagining anyone would laugh at the raunchy sex in "Havoc.") Barrels of laughs during sex? Can't say we've ever experienced that... no, sir...

5. Animal House.

4. Because couldn't find clips for Being There or Sideways, another equally-worthy scene from Animal House:

3. M*A*S*H

In the TV show's entire decade long run, we doubt you could put together two hours as sidesplitting as the original Robert Altman film. This vintage trailer features some of the film's unforgettable dialogue and two or three of the best scenes in movie history, including this one (about 1:18 in.)

2. Team America: World Police. FYI: This is the R-rated version... which means there's no defecation (for better or worse.) Enjoy!

1. The Tall Guy. Yep, not only does our number one choice feature Jeff Goldblum (yikes!), it stars the boobs of one... Emma Thompson. Who could have ever predicted a sex scene with Emma Thompson (not to say she isn't hot) would be so memorable?

Runner-up: Being There, Sideways. (Couldn't find either online.)

Related:

Lizzy Caplan, Not To Be Outdone By Anna Paquin, Takes It Off For True Blood

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Bad Movies

House Hotties Break Network TV Rules With Raunchy Sex Scene

True Blood's Anna Paquin In First (True) Nude Scene

Top 5 Sex Scenes Featuring Nicole Kidman

Keira Knightley's Latest Nude Scene Kinda Puts Us To Sleep

Top 5 Worst TV Spinoffs

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 16:17:00 GMT

Most great (or at least successful shows) have had as spinoff or two spun from them. Unfortunately, they are almost uniformly insulting to humanity.

Take, for example, these five forgotten fiascos... which we've brought back full force just when you had finally gotten over the painful experiences you had watching them the first time around...

5. A Man Called Hawk. This definitely has kitsch factor going for it-- otherwise, it would be far and away our #1 choice. This 1989 masterpiece, a spinoff of Spenser For Hire, has easily the most unintentionally hilarious opening credit sequence in television history. That's enough to earn it a place on our very short list...

4. The Tortellis. Remember Dan Hedaya? He was in the Usual Suspects and some other popular films, for one thing. Another thing: he played the absentee husband to Carla on Cheers... for six episodes. Not too long after, executives decided they needed to start spinning off their hit show for George Wendt and Kelsey Grammar vehicles (who woulda thunk that they'd have such hits?) One of their less-inspired ideas was this show, seen here in a bumper from its early days.

3. After M*A*S*H. Christ Almighty, hadn't this show been around long enough? After more than a decade on the air, M*A*S*H concluded in 1983 with one of the best and most-watched shows in television history, a finale so powerful and satisfying that even Hollywood would know to let it go out in style... oops. The next thing you know, After takes up where the original left off, set after the war in a veteran's hospital but it's really not the same without the blood and gallows humor. Or Alan Alda and his space alien voice.

2. Joey. A stiff, overrated primetime soap opera-comedy goes off the air as the #1 show... what do you do next? Apparently, find the third wheel character and expand his role into a whole new series. (Hey, it worked for Frasier, right?) It's even worse than you imagined when you heard they were doing it:

1. Saved By The Bell: The College Years. Say what you will about Saved By The Bell's original run (we'll say: worst long-running "comedy" ever, bar none), it couldn't have been as awful as this. Could it?

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Watch Karl Rove Fight Off A Bunch of Hippies

Top 5 Most Offensive Commericals We Can Think Of At The Moment

Giorgia Palmas Becomes Overnight Internet Sensation Based On One Photo

"Girlicious," Unfortunately Coming to a Television Near You

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Bad Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:04:00 GMT

If we've learned anything from Hollywood, it's that 30 seconds of sex is enough for people to endure two hours of terrible moviemaking. (Then again, as in the case of The Girl Next Door, if you promise an "unrated" sex movie and deliver no nudity, barely any sex, and two hours of complete crap? You will pay.)

Here are five of our favorites we haven't been able to forget... all from movies we wish we could...

5. Basic Instinct 2. This sex scene is not even in the Top 200 of Good Sex Scenes From Bad Movies, mainly because it's not a good sex scene. It looks like the film was sped up to make it look rougher, faster, and hotter. It only serves to make it look even more idiotic. We're including it here for comic relief. (The clip we're referring to starts at about 1:20.)

4. Friday the 13th. The original put all my friends to sleep at a late-night slumber party when we were kids-- it's that scary. Rent Black Christmas (the original) or even Halloween (also the original) and you'll do much better. But we like this nice little sex scene all the same...

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

3. Reindeer Games. Even Charlize Theron admits this movie sucks. But who doesn't want to see her naked?

2. The Doors. No matter what you think of Oliver Stone and Jim Morrison, you have to admit combining the two should be brilliant... or, at least, the right pairing for a movie. Too bad Stone focused on nothing but the debauchery and made a pointless movie that offered nothing new or interesting about the late singer. That doesn't mean we don't love this ridiculous and ultimately sexy sex scene:

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

1. Original Sin. If not for this "action" sequence, no one would remember Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas' theatrical turd. This is the longest scene on this list and the one most likely to have ended up on Skinemax if not for the presence of A-list stars... it's more than 2 minutes long, complete with an obnoxious orchestral score, and is about as soft-core as it gets. Enjoy.

Related:

Hot or Not: The Lily Cole Playboy Cover?

Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1980s

Top 5 Jennifer Connelly Sex Scenes (Nudity Counts!)

Sam Rockwell Too Busy Having Sex With You To Learn Your Name

While You Were Sleeping: Posing Nude For Fun Or Charity

New Zealand Teacher In Hot Water For Her Other Job As A Hooker

Top 5 Sex Scenes From "Chick Flicks"

Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1980s

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 20:30:00 GMT

There we plenty of great sex scenes in the 80s... we will certainly be doing a sequel to this list at some point, since there about 1,187 equally worthy clips to show you just from those ten years... hell, even Porky's had a couple of good ones in there...

5. The Hunger. Some will argue this is one of the best sex scenes, period. We can't get over the terrible direction and distracting, awful music. But, hey, it's hard for this not to be hot...

4. Angel Heart. The decade's most controversial sex scene involved-- gulp-- Mickey Rourke and Lisa Bonet, which caused her TV Dad Bill Cosby to attack her in the media.

3. Devil in the Flesh - known mainly for its inclusion on those memorable lists of legitimiate theatrically-released movies featuring actual on-screen sex, this film is very difficult to find except from Mr. Skin and whatnot. We've seen it, but we didn't want to pay to download it just for this post, so here's a link and, below, a screenshot:

2. Cat People... with six-and-a-half minutes of clips from the movie... no graphic sex here, although there is some in the film (if only we could find it on the 'net.)

1. Fast Times At Ridgemont High. As if this needs an intro... you already know which scene we're referring to...

Related:

Top 5 Jennifer Connelly Sex Scenes (Nudity Counts!)

While You Were Sleeping: Posing Nude For Fun Or Charity

Top 5 Sex Scenes From "Chick Flicks"

New Gemma Arterton Sex Scene Steams Us Up For Bond 22

Giada De Laurentiis: "I'm Not Doing Porn"

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Older Lovers

Jamie Bell's First Sex Scene Marred By Boner

Top 5 Jennifer Connelly Sex Scenes (Nudity Counts!)

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:19:00 GMT

She's been naked in more movies than anyone except Kate Winslet or, arguably, Mamie Van Doren. (Just kidding. A lot more than Mamie Van Doren.) She's been in sex scenes that were funny, bizarre, or brutal to the point of repulsion.

Here are the five most memorable sex scenes in the long-ogled career of Jennifer Connelly...

5. The Hot Spot

4. Mulholland Falls

3. Inventing the Abbots

2. Higher Learning

1. Waking the Dead

Honorable Mentions: House of Sand And Fog, that brutal sex scenes in Requiem For A Dream, and whatever movie this is (is that Billy Crudup again?)

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Older Lovers

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 20:06:00 GMT

Ever see those obnoxious ads in your Gmail for inside info about Bill Clinton and the above woman?

Maxim just released its list of the Top 10 Hottest (Female) Politicians, which is missing a few that we thought of off the top of our heads...

5. Kirsten Gillibrand, Congresswoman From New York State

4. Cristina Ferndez de Kirchner, President of Argentina (All right, yes, we only included her because of this picture...)

3. Yulia Tymoshenko, Prime Minister of Ukraine

2. Freya van den Bossche, former Deputy Prime Minister of Belgium

1. Belinda Stronach, Member of Canada's Parliament

Here's Maxim's list, which admittedly has a few ladies we wish we could use... for our purposes here, that is...

Related:

Check Out The Top 10 Topless Socialists

Carla Bruni Sings Of Sex With 30 Men

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Women Get Away With Affairs Because of Their Expert Lying, Says Woman Who Got Away With An Affair With Future British Prime Minister

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Older Lovers

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:55:00 GMT

5. Storytelling: one of the most unsettling sex scenes alive... but hey, it works for this list of older men and women on young folks...

4. Midnight Cowboy: maybe our favorite "funny" sex scene, this is even better when you factor in the next sequence, which involves prostitute Joe Buck getting conned for cab fare and whatnot by

3. American Beauty: not to spoil it, but there's not really any actual sex... but there might as well have been for all the pouty hotness and a buff Kevin Spacey...

2. The Graduate: we've included the long version of this sequence because the line "Are you trying to seduce me?" is even better with all the aggressive foreplay on the part of the screen's greatest MILF: Anne Bancroft.

1. Boogie Nights: this assemblage includes Heather Graham, who under normal circumstances could have a sex scene list all to herself. However, we're talking Julianne Moore here, who isn't exactly what we'd call the "older woman" when set up with Marky Mark. In this movie, though, that's exactly what they are: a sort of mother(figure)-son team of porn stars. Awww...

Honorable Mentions: Shopgirl, American Pie (see above photo), and... suggestions?

We Boiled Mena Suvari's Sex Movie Down To Its Most Watchable Moments

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:43:00 GMT

We're too busy fantasizing about sex with food to pull ourselves away from these five hot sex scenes in order to have lunch...

5. Tom Jones - a scene that actually makes gluttony hot

4. Last Tango in Paris - butta, baby, you're butta... barely not a rape scene, but no list about sex and food, especially if it involves the movies, is complete without this, one of the most notorious moments in film.

Backdoor Behavior With Butter!

3. Hot Shots! - in some ways, this is superior to our #1 choice, which is parodied here

2. Flashdance - hot: Jennifer Beals sitting absolutely still and doing absolutely nothing; mind-blowingly hot: Jennifer Beals sucking on a lobster tail while playing footsie with her date

1. 9 1/2 Weeks

See you next week for another Top 5... suggestions are always welcome...

Related:

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

Spank Me/It: The Nastiest Sex Scenes Ever

Top 10 Places To Have Sex... This Week

Swedish Teen Girls Like To Have Sex With Each Other

Mary-Louise Parker Breaks Toe, Films First Nude Sex Scene For Weeds

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 20:22:00 GMT

Because the Nerve Video blog has passed on, we're going to take up that page's noble crusade: Top 5 Sex Scene Lists. (See previous entries here.) For no reason, other than the story we did a few days ago about her next sex scene with Leonardo DiCaprio, we present the Top 5 Sex Scenes Featuring Kate Winslet:

5. Little Children

4. Iris

3. Titanic

2. Jude

1. Holy Smoke

Watch other sex scenes at the Nerve Sex Scene Database

German Female Olympians Form Close Bond, Immediately Pose Nude For Playboy

What's It Like Being The Husband Of A Porn Star?

Sex Stories for Your Further Consideration

Emily Farris — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 16:43:00 GMT

The Reverse Cowgirl rounds up the Top Five Sexytime Stories of 2007 That Deserve Further Consideration. Topping the list is this photo of Bill Clinton and Hillary's hot heels that ran in the December 17 New York Times. It probably makes every man, woman and intern in America want to fuck Bill more than they already did.

The Reverse Cowgirl: Top Five 2007 Sexy Time Stories That Deserve Further Consideration