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Take Him to Detroit: America's 11 Most Depressing Places

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 19:46:00 GMT

This really ain't Michigan's week, is it? First, some dumbass ex-Mayor was arrested for having an extramarital affair in the middle of the street. Then, we made a mean joke about the Detroit Free Press and it's sex advice column, complete with a newspaper headline that says, "Detroit Blows." Now, comes word that Business Insider is further driving down the state's property values by including two MI cities on its list of the most depressing places in America.

Cheer up and enjoy this sprightly little list...

11. Stockton, CA. Stockton actually topped the recent Forbes list of the 10 worst places to live in the country, which is somehow different than "depressing." At that time, we commented: "The cost of living has skyrocketed here, thanks to a hipster influx from other Bay Area towns and cities. Why this hasn't translated into economic growth for Stockton is beyond us. Perhaps that major real estate crash two years ago has something to do with it-- Stockton led the country in foreclosures in 2007. Bonus: The band Pavement started out here." It turns out that they Mayor has the town in an uproar for trying to unload his condo/apartment with a short sale.

10. Flint, MI. Business Insider calls Michael Moore's favorite city "an impoverished, depressing dump." In the 20 years since Roger & Me, no one claims the city has improved its quality of life, so we're going to have to assume BI is right to include it here.

9. Wichita, KS. Apparently, the only city with worse dating opportunities for young people is Kansas City, Missouri. And even though one of the scariest serial murderers in history, the BTK Killer, has been brought to justice, a cloud of dread hangs over the city like so many horrific tornadoes of the past... or something.

8. Alpharetta, GA. What the hell is Alpharetta, GA? "Alpharetta, a suburb of Atlanta, is the bank-failure capital of the U.S. Three banks based in Alpharetta--NetBank, Integrity Bancshares and Alpha Bank & Trust--failed in just 13 months. That's more than any other single town in America." Oh, that Alpharetta, GA....

7. West Palm Beach, FL. Business Week claims there really isn't a terrible place to live in Florida, while we insist all of Florida is terrible. If you want to live somewhere warm, move to a tropical island-- most people in FL just end up the source of hilarious news for the rest of the country. Speaking of hilarious, check out this bizarro ad for a company called Condo Vultures Realty. It's apparently real.

6. Kokomo, IN is not the place The Beach Boys told you-- not by any means. It has a staggering 20% unemployment rate (wonder how much that rises when you factor in the "real unemployment rate" in this country, which is somewhere around 15% now) and is likely to go down with the Titanic that is the nation's auto industry. If you ever needed a reason to move to Indiana... well, you won't find it here.

5. Mahoning Valley, OH. Really, this one's all about Youngstown-- formerly a great steel and mining community, Youngstown is now almost as violent as New Orleans or Brooklyn when the subway stops running. Check this out: "Car bombings were so frequent that they became known as 'a Youngstown tuneup.'" Can an HBO series be far off?

4. Yuma, AZ. Sporting highs in the 60's and 70's all winter long, it's no wonder many Arizonians have winter homes there. Somehow this hasn't translated into year-round employment for the sleepy town, which has jobless numbers rivaling (and often topping) a little place called Kokomo. You wouldn't know it from the Wikipedia page, but Business Week claims this is the unemployment capital of the country. Ouch.

3. East St. Louis, IL. Jesus Christ, who the hell actually lives in East St. Louis these days? GET OUT.

2. Inland Empire, CA. David Lynch's favorite place on earth-- need you hear anymore? It's also responsible for bringing down Lehman Brothers-- or, should we say, dumbassery is what's responsible for bringing down Lehman Brothers-- as they bought up a real estate company in the area shortly before the whole area's value dropped by an unfathomable 60%.

And #1... you knew it was coming, my Detroit friends, so let's get on with it:

1. Detroit, MI. Why is Detroit in such dire straits? Sure, the auto industry is all shot to hell these days (and probably permanently)-- but is that enough to make this the most depressing place in America? No, this figure is: "The average home price in Detroit is just $7,500 because no one wants to live there. The continuing catastrophe that is the US auto industry has reduced this onetime industrial behemoth to a nearly perfect picture of decrepitude. Last year when the murder rate dropped in the city, the mayor joked that the reason was that 'there is no one left to kill.'" The only thing wrong with this quote is the word "joked"-- everyone nodded knowingly when he said it. Then he went to jail for perjury... and it wasn't even big news because... no one cares about Detroit. Sorry, kids.

Via Business Insider.

Believe It Or Not, One of the Best Sex Advice Columns is Brought to You By... Detroit

Ex-Mayor in Michigan Arrested For Having Sex in the Street

Teenage Girl Sues Her Father For Grounding Her, Wins

The 10 Best Things About the New Star Trek

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 18:58:00 GMT

Haven't seen the new Star Trek yet? You are not alone... in the universe! Ha... is joke.

Seriously, this might end up being the first film in ages to actually draw in significant repeat business-- Trekkies are over the moon, film buffs are racing at warp speed to get home and blog, and we've run out of bad puns already. In other words, don't be left out this weekend...

10. This could be the Star Trek film that breaks the Oscar curse. The series is 0 for 10, mainly in sound and effects categories, and has never been nominated in a category bigger than cinematography. But we would not be surprised, given the quality of movies released this year, that Star Trek pics up nods in screenplay, effects, and even acting categories. You heard it here first.

9. Leonard Nimoy's cameo gives the movie great dramatic weight-- unlike 99.9% of all prequel cameos. Most of the time, when you bring back the star of a film's previous series, it results in mockery and cinematic travesty. For example, Sean Connery's return as James Bond nearly ruined the series, even more so than the casting of Timothy Dalton. Thankfully, this Star Trek is more, say, Diamonds Are Forever than Never Say Never Again.

8. It finally launched little known film director J.J. Abrams's career. Abrams, you probably didn't know, has spent years slumming it as the #1 producer of network television.

7. If this guy hates it, it must be good. The self-described Trekkie fails to see what's great about the movie-- it's Star Trek without all the hokey sci-fi goofing around that turned off so many casual viewers.

6. It makes us want to go watch the first four movies again. (Although, of course, nothing can make us want to watch any of the others.) That's the big difference with this and the Star Wars prequels-- it actually belongs in the series canon.

5. Because J.J. chose quality over a gimmick. Bill Shatner has made no bones (no pun intended) about his disdain for the filmmakers. We see his point-- Nimoy gets a huge supporting role, while Shatner doesn't even merit a walk-on. But Abrams & co. were right to leave that rumored cameo unfilmed-- the scene that would kind-of work, initially slated to follow the climax, could easily have stalled the movie's dramatic momentum and might have sent people out of the theater shaking their heads at the inappropriate side-tracking. Abrams made the very wise decision to not risk the movie's tension-- and it was clearly the right decision.

4. Because it will launch the career of a great young actor, Chris Pine. When we first saw trailers for the film, we kept saying, "Man, the new Kirk looks like a poor man's Ryan Reynolds." And saying someone is anything like Ryan Reynolds is a huge insult where we come from. That "annoying-looking pretty boy model," Chris Pine, turns in he year's best breakthrough performance-- are you listening, MTV?

3. All the ladies agree: Zachary Quinto is the thinking woman's sex symbol for the 21st Century. Spock, as Quinto plays him, is transformed into a studly romantic brainiac badass. Who could've predicted that?

2. This weekend, it will likely become the highest-grossing Tyler Perry movie of all time. Yes-- he's in two scenes and since no one knew he was in the film when it first opened, there were whispers all around: "Hot damn-- is that Madea?"

1. It's just that damn entertaining. We watched the film with a mild fan and two people who had very little interest in the movie-- and all enjoyed it tremendously. They agreed with this reviewer that Star Trek jump-starts a series that had been "mined to exhaustion." Best of all, this weekend, it goes up against Angels and Demons, the sequel to The Da Vinci Code, giving you yet another reason to help keep this atop the box office...

The Hottest Unknown Women Of Star Trek

"I Broke My Dick And It Made Shatner A Star"

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

Hot or Not: Playboy's 10 Sexiest CEO's

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 20:28:00 GMT

We're not sure how Playboy's (sadly) Safe For Work list of the ten "sexiest" female CEO's in the US qualifies as "sexiest" or even "sexy." Maybe it's the fact that these women probably make lots of money that appeals to the writer.

Even if you think these are ten incredibly hot babes, it's hard to see what's so appealing about seeing them on the Playboy site in their ~~birthday~~ business suits.

For example, check out the standouts:

Who she is: Julie Smolyansky [see above photo]
CEO of: Lifeway Foods; makers of kefir and other specialty dairy products
Age: 33
2008 revenue: $38.7 million
Year founded: 1986
Website: lifeway.net

Why she’s on top: Julie became CEO, treasurer and president when her father, the founder, died of a sudden heart attack. She went back to work the next morning, and under her direction the company more than quadrupled its stock price. A fitness junkie, she ends every day with a trip to the gym. It's obvious to us that all her investments are yielding impressive returns.

What, no lingerie photos or mock-Got Milk? shots from her session? And no punning remarks?

This one has the lingerie connection and a porn star's last name, but... no luck:

Who she is: Claire Chambers
CEO of: Journelle, a lingerie retail company
Age: 29
2008 revenue: $2 million
Year founded: 2007
Website: journelle.com

Why she's on top: After spending a few years in the buttoned-up worlds of management consulting and investment banking, she slipped into something a little more comfortable: lingerie. Now she spends her days letting women everywhere know that sexy and sophisticated underthings aren't just for special occasions, they're the kind of luxury they should indulge in every day. We couldn’t agree more.

This one's more like it... but... still lacking in the NSFW department:

Who she is: Kerry Knee
CEO of: Flirty Girl Fitness, a fitness lifestyle company
Age: 38
Number of employees: 120
Year founded: 2005
Website: flirtygirlfitness.com

Why she's on top: A former IT exec and calculus major from Toronto, Kerry—and her sister Krista—opened Flirty Girl Fitness as a social club where women can sweat hard in classes like Hottie Body Boxing and XXX Power Strip, then play hard at the "Flirty Girl Bar" afterward. We're burning calories just thinking about it.

See all 10 of the women at Playboy.com.

Related:

Lisa Rinna Poses For Playboy At 45, Just For the Hell of It

10 Sexiest Women Over 50 (Part Two)

This Week in Sex: We Couldn't Stuff It All In

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Spike's Ten Lies About Sex Contains a Lie

Colleen Kane — Mon, 04 May 2009 21:31:00 GMT

We were just perusing Spike's Top Ten Lies You've Been Told About Sex, which debunks myths like "green M&Ms are an aphrodesiac" and such. But we stopped in our tracks at number 6, with which we just can't agree...

6. The G-Spot

The G-spot is a location inside a lady’s vagina, and it’s named for German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg. Supposedly, it is a location one to three inches inside the vagina on the anterior wall (toward the belly button). Stimulation of this area is supposed to cause more intense orgasms, but the vast, vast, vast majority of gynecologists say it doesn’t exist. Specifically, they say there just isn’t anything there. Some have suggested that Grafenberg was unduly influenced by Freud, who believed that masculine penetration was needed for the most intense orgasm because he thought men were better than women. Despite biological evidence to the contrary, though, if that’s where your lady likes it, then stimulate away.

Ummm...no?

So just because science can't find it by searching for extra nerves in that area, and despite the number of women who will testify to its existence, that means it doesn't exist?

We disagree. How about you all? Ladies? Do you G up when you ho down?

Italy Claims Lead in the G-Spot Race That We Just Invented

Video of the Day: How To Find The G-Spot

While You Were Sleeping: Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape Is Inspiring to Young Girls?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

Say what you want about its culture, but Wal-Mart workers in Miami may be the first in the nation to unionize.

The top 10 places to kiss.

Here's one we haven't heard before: police raided a topless bar that featured a fourteen-year-old stripper.

Arlen Spector's historic decision to switch to the Democratic Party yesterday not only gives the Donkeys 60 seats in the Senate, it also means they'll probably seize the seat next fall.

SJP and Matthew Broderick are having twins (through a surrogate.)

How can anyone give a flying fuck what Sean Hannity says after he relentlessly defended Kim Kardashian as a role model.

Dolph Lungren probably wishes he could've had Sly around to kick some major ass while this was going down.

And do you think this mother should have her children taken away? She is very overweight and was feeding them McDonald's (albeit UK McDonald's) at six months!

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Top 10 Dumbest Anti-Obama Signs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:48:00 GMT

How did we narrow this list of dozens, perhaps hundreds of examples of conservative stupidity down to a mere 10 photographs, you ask?

The long answer is that we had a seizure from the Flickr slideshow overload, then a fit of hysterics for twenty minutes, followed by the realization that scary people cannot be reasoned with, even by good work and actual progress, and decided to call it a day with these ten (frightening) images...

With lots and lots of therapy, honey.

We weren't aware small children paid taxes unless corporate America's dreams came true and indentured servitude and child labor have returned.

If you mean in "an arbitrarily-priced future-debt sort of way," maybe. We wonder what that debt would like like after another four years of Bush Administration economics.

What an oxymoran: "speak for yourself" (pro-First Amendment!) and "America is a Christian nation" (anti-First Amendment!)

Right-- because the new face of an Aryan national movement would logically be... a half-black man.

Why did we assume the previous photo would be the worst they could do? Nope. There's a man with a sign who believes rich people paying 3% more in taxes and giving tax cuts to the middle class is equivalent to murdering six million people. How do we know we're on the right side of history? Because this type of person will always be on the other.

If you're like all the previous entrants and find that the facts don't support your idiotic views, you can always try to win by confusion and incoherence.

These Republicans are so confused at what the message is for the Fox-led Tea Parties that they bring all sorts of contradictory signs ("POOP!") to the protest and obscure each other's words. Even the ones we can read don't make a lot of sense. FAIL.

And finally, a sign so stupid it will make even a reasonable Obama hater laugh...

Wow. How effective, sir. We humbly beg your forgiveness for voting for this very BAD man.

By the way, the Huffington Post has several of these in its own Top 10 list of the most offensive tea party protest signs, but we don't think this sign is all that offensive (except to your intelligence.) So, without further ado, our Honorable Mention:

Related:

This Week in Sex: We Couldn't Stuff It All In

Fox News Defines the Slang Use of "Teabagging"

What Is This Tea Party Thing And Why Is It Stupid?

Top 10 TV Nipple Slips and Wardrobe Malfunctions

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:59:00 GMT

You know, because Janet Jackson wasn't the first one to lose her outfit live on national television...

It's difficult to imagine, we know, but even game shows in the 60s and 70s were famous for nipple slips. Luckily, YouTube, Google Video and other online sources have managed to salvage some of the most memorable moments. They're all pretty much two seconds long, but this will make you a better future Trivial Pursuit contestant... since you know that's all that we're going to talk about in 20 years, the way our Idiocracy is going.

Here are ten in no particular order...

Ron Jeremy's High School Play Video Leaked!

Tara Reid Wishes She Was Actually Listening To What The Little People Were Yelling About

Jennifer Hawkins (the 2004 Miss Universe) Returns to Australia to Moon Her Hometown

The Match Game (okay, this is more of a "nipple slip" of the tongue, but hey... break it up a bit, ya know)

Eva Mendes Was Really Asking For It This Time

N Is For Nipples - TV Show Host Flashes Kids

Haven't Seen This Janet Jackson Nip Slip Before... Is It New?

They Let the Wrestlers Beat Up the Refs, But An Ass And Nipple Slip Is An Ejection?!

As Bob Barker Says, "She came on down and they came on out!" [sfw]

And finally, Meredith Viera pulls a Justin Timberlake on Helen Mirren:

Related:

Top 5 "The Price Is Right" Clips

Beyonce Stuns Lone Oscar Viewer With Nipple Slip

Nipplegate II: The Russian Skater Shocker

Mischa Barton Can't Keep Her Clothes On

Caption This: Agyness Deyn And Her Friend's See-Through

5 Men Who Look Better With Age

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:45:00 GMT

With this list of men and the upcoming list of women, we'll be looking at celebs who look better older than they did young. We're not talking about those who just aged well, but those who have defied the odds and improved. The key for both men and women seems to be dropping the baby fat from the face so it becomes more gaunt. So that's the secret to increased hotness in maturity-- just be sure to do that. (Madonna did this, but it has gone awry.)

Oh, and the other key is leaving behind the unfortunate hair choices of youth.

Speaking of which, the photo above shows what number 5 used to look like this in the 70s. It's not Howard Stern, although Howard looks a world better now than in his WNBC days of the 80s, himself.

5. Anthony Bourdain

4. Robert Downey, Jr.

3. Jerry O' Connell

2. Johnny Depp

1. And Most Improved, George Clooney

Related:

10 Hottest Funny Women

Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

Scanner Emily vs. Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:41:00 GMT

Sarah Palin hates me. So much so that she recently slammed me (and a few of my friends and colleagues if I'm being honest here) in Esquire.

"Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me….I'll tell you, yesterday the Anchorage Daily News, they called again to ask — double-, triple-, quadruple-check — who is Trig's real mom,” she said, in an interview to be published in the magazine’s March issue.

Perhaps she thinks "Emily Farris" is a pseudonym, or maybe she was alluding to the whole "Scanner Emily" thing, because the bored, pathetic, lying part is right on.

Let's take a little trip down memory lane to September 5, 2008:

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

Or perhaps our September 2 story was more your style:

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

What about October 4?

Sarah Palin Was not the First Chick to Fire an Automatic Weapon in a Bikini

Hey, at least there was some truth in our coverage of the election on October 7:

Sarah Palin Proves that Sparkles are Just as Important as Foreign Policy Experience

[CNN Politicker: Palin slams 'bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie']

In Which We Finally Put The Lid on 2008: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of Last Year

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:22:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Now that we're settling comfortably into 2009, we have a little time to reflect on 2008. And what kind of seemingly professional blog would we be if we didn't compile our top ten posts of last year? With boobs, Mormons, abortion and booze we hope the list is everything you hoped it would be and more.

Read more...

Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:18:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Read more...

In Case You Missed It Yesterday: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Read more...

The Top 10 Yahoo Searches of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:28:00 GMT

We never understand why year-end best of polls come out before the year is over (meaning: we understood that the media tries to capitalize on the year before everyone stops carrying, but not why anyone accepts them as fact.) Top 10 movies, as polled by the critics who have seen all the year's releases already, but what if there's a major prostitution scandal and everyone starts looking up someone named Joanna Esmerelda Dupois in absurd numbers?

Yahoo isn't worried about our pesky little inquiries. It has already released their top 10 list for 2008 and although we've already revealed their #1 choice, once we caught wind of the runner-ups, we felt an overwhelming urge to burden you with this information...

10. American Idol. You mean, people don't get enough of this shit in its four hours per week?

9. Angelina Jolie. Must've been those $14 million baby pictures everyone was trying to catch a glimpse of without having to buy a tabloid magazine. Say hello to the free world wide web, People.

8. Lindsay Lohan. She would've been our guess for the #1 slot, which shows you how much we know about what men find most attractive.

7. Naruto. Apparently, some sort of cartoon character. See #8.

6. Jessica Alba. Yes, she has her assets, but none of them include talent, interesting personality, or newsmaking lifestyle. Why, why, why?

5. RuneScape. We're starting to feel a little bit left out of the loop here...

4. Miley Cyrus. We're almost relieved to see Hannah, scion of the Montana's, on this rundown, for reasons of familiarity only.

3. Barack Obama. Here's hoping the most popular related searches do not include the phrases "is a Muslim" or "and mom's nude photos."

2. WWE. Scary... although we figured eight-year-old boys are computer-trained these days...

1. Britney Spears. What hasn't been said already about a woman who was a has-been at age 7 and hasn't done a damn thing worth paying attention to since? Let's make this her last appearance on this or any list, please...

Via Yahoo.

Related:

Caption This: Britney is Keeping Her Kids This Time

Sloppy Seconds: The Curious Case of 130,000 Missing Breasts

While You Were Sleeping: Who's #1 on Yahoo?

Sloppy Seconds: Divorce for Amy Winehouse?

While You Were Sleeping: Leftover Edition

Did 8-Year-Old Emily Know Scanner Emily Would Become the Crazy Cat Lady?

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 18:41:00 GMT

I'm home this week, doing some promo for my book and getting out the vote. My timing worked out well, because I found an old spandex sequin-y thing at a thrift store in New York, and decided I would dress up as myself in High School for Halloween. So I set about digging through my boxes at my dad's house to find my letter jacket. Going through my old stuff is always fun; I do it every couple of years, but the older I get, the more telling it becomes. What did I find this time? A red scrunchie and perhaps one of my favorite books from my childhood that I somehow blocked from my memory...

Related:

Vote Girl: Disenfranchised

Top 10 Ways to Avoid Becoming The Crazy Cat Lady

Stuff We Absolutely Need to Validate Ourselves: Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure

We'd Rather Be The Crazy Cat Lady Than Pimp Ourselves Out During the Super Bowl

Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:29:00 GMT

For no particular reason (well, other than that there's nothing much out there today except political news), we decided to start Halloween early: a series of the worst celebrity plastic surgeries.

And remember, kids, unless you've been in a motorcycle accident (like suave mofo Gary Busey!)-- or some equally scarring experience-- it's better to stick with what you were born with, flaws and all...

10. Janice Dickinson: Is that her or Penelope Cruz put through a brutal Photoshopping?

9. Lil' Kim: "Sorry, but we already cast Catherine Zeta-Jones as Cleopatra."

8. Tara Reid tries to reenact that Seinfeld episode with her belly button: "Helloooooooooo..."

7. Kenny Rogers -- Looks like The Gambler gambled and lost to Beverly Hills. There's nothing wrong with looking 80, Kenny, when you've always looked 79 anyway.

6. Farrah Fawcett (see top of this page.) Holy God, is that Melanie Griffith, aged by computer to the year 3028? Nope, that's the woman who we thought was going to age like Sophia Loren. Come on, now, get some help, please...

5. Mickey Rourke. Some say this was due to a post-Hollywood boxing career gone Jake La Motta, but even Jake himself couldn't have caused this much damage to this dude.

4. (tie) Jenna Jameson and Pamela Anderson. Why would the world's #1 porn star need even more attention? Why would Pamela Anderson need bigger boobs? You know when even Howard Stern thinks you're perfect, there's no one left to please...

3. Joan Rivers. Yeah, this one you know... you've seen her on E!, everyone's been ragging on her for years about it, we'll move on.

2. Melanie Griffith -- too scary to post here. Click on this link at your own peril.

1. Michael Jackson, a manchild who needs no introduction... well, only this:

Related:

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

While You Were Sleeping: David Duchovny Can't Keep It Together

Most Likely, We'll Sleep With You if You Grow a Giant Beard

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:22:00 GMT

As anyone who reads this blog knows, Scanner Emily is in love with the beard. There's just something about it. Well, there are many things about it, as the people who put together this little cartoon know. The truest of the true reasons to grow a beard, after the jump.

Seriously. We don't even know you, but we want to make sweet, sweet love to your beard. Right now.

[10 Very Good Reasons Why You Should Grow a Giant Beard]

Related:

Scanner Roundtable: Facial Hair

Scanner Roundtable: Does Stubble = Sex(ier)?

New Issue of "Pinups" Gets Us All Hot and Bothered

I Hate Myself for Loving You: "Men in Trees"

"Pinups" Issue No. 5 Gets a 10

Crush of the Week: Vivienne Westwood's Bear

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Consider Prancing Around in Stripper Shoes to Survive the Recession

Top 10 Secrets For Looking Great Naked... From A Nudist Resort

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:20:00 GMT

Leave it one of those trendy nude getaway spots to tell us what works and what doesn't when you want to be more comfortable in your own, bare, uninhibited, decently-exposed-skin.

Of course, a lot of the ideas on this list are laughable... then again, so is the idea that these places are clothing "optional." It's more like "clothing will be given eyeball daggers of death and the person will be ostracized more than the guy 'accidentally' bumping into you with his boner..."

Our friend Mary in sunny and desolate Palm Springs, California issued this Top 10 list as part of a press release for her Terra Cotta Inn, which is like the Playboy Mansion for old people who don't swing. Which, in fact, is an apt description of Hugh Hefner's lifestyle these days, but anyway...

10) If you worry about existing tan lines - use a self tanner to blend color into your tanned skin.

9) If you use Retin- A, wear a floppy hat while in the sun.

8) Don't wear heavy foundation or make up by the pool. Try a tinted moisturizer with at least a SPF 15 for a flattering glow.

7) Bikini wax at least one week in advance, so your newly exposed skin is not irritated by the sun.

6) Stay at a resort like ours with a salt water pool and whirlpool tub. This way your skin won't dry out and you don't have to worry about your lightened or highlighted hair turning green from chlorine.

5) Apply at least an SPF 15 sunscreen multiple times during the day. That includes on the sides and underside of your breasts, underarms, etc. You don't want to ruin your romantic vacation with a sunburn.

4) No need to diet before going. You don't have to worry how you look in a bikini or swimsuit, since your not wearing one.

3) Get a mani/pedi before going. Ask for a topcoat with UV filters to keep the color bright.

2) Fashionistas who still need their fashion moment in the sun, can wear slinky cover ups to match their sandals and hats or visors. If you like bling, wear flirty ankle chains or toe rings. Jeweled hair clips can complete your birthday suit ensemble.

1) Finally, to make the best use of your romantic time together, leave the cell phone in the room. Remember, you can't hide a blackberry in your bikini if your not wearing one.

Hmmm... we're pretty sure "hide the blackberry in the bikini" is the name of a game the guests play in the room after dinner, but that's another post...

Via PR.com.

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Germans And Poles Are At It Again...

Swingers Vs. Nudists In Florida (Of Course)

While You Were Sleeping: Mischa Barton Can't Keep Her Clothes On

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San Francisco Street Fair Would Make The Marquis de Sade Proud

Top 10 Ways to Avoid Becoming The Crazy Cat Lady

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 20:33:00 GMT

I've been working out of a friend's office space lately, which is located in the lovely SoHo section of lower Manhattan. While this provides many great opportunities, including being blocks from Nerve HQ should I decide I want to play pool while I eat free bagels, and being deliciously nestled in between Chinatown and Little Italy, it has one serious drawback: it's next door to a pet store—with kittens in the window.

Yesterday, one window had one calico kitten in it, another had three. I felt a little sorry for the kitten that was alone, though it was making its own fun. Then, all of a sudden, I felt bad for my cat, sitting at home all alone while I'm working in cush office space and eating noodle soup for lunch. It made me think that when my cat kicks the litter box, I'll probably get two, so they can keep each other company. Hell, I'd probably get a second now if my roommate weren't so opposed to the idea of two cats scratching up her vintage couch.

But considering the only things in life I've ever been able to commit to are tattoos and my cat, I'm well on my way to becoming the crazy cat lady. Recognizing this at a young age, I've devised a plan that will hopefully lead me down a healthier social path. So, ladies and gentlemen, here you have it: Scanner Emily's Top 10 Ways to Avoid Becoming The Crazy Cat Lady.

10. Go out with every man—or woman—who asks. If I'm pre-occupied with dates, whether good or bad, maybe I won't crave kitty affection so much? Eh?

9. Get a dog.

8. Clean the litter box less frequently. The smell is bound to overpower my need for feline love, no?

7. Write a letter to the government asking the city to impose a 150% tax on pet food.

6. Move into a building that won't allow me to have cats, and sign a 10-year-lease.

5. Only date people with cat allergies.

4. Write a feature on "crazy cat ladies" so I can see what I don't want my future to be.

3. Get knocked up by some random dude, and decide to keep the baby. Apparently pregnant women aren't supposed to go anywhere near cat litter. And if there's no one there to help me take care of the cat while I'm preggers, I'm going to have to get rid of the cat.

2. Avoid pet stores and "pounds on wheels" at all costs.

1. Anonymously report myself to the ASPCA for animal abuse, so I'll be blacklisted for pet adoption.

Additional ideas are highly encouraged.

Related:

Stuff We Absolutely Need to Validate Ourselves: Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure

Top 10 Things We Didn't Need to Waste Time Doing This Year But Did Anyway (File Under: Facebook)

Top 10 Childish Things We Wish We Could Get Away With as Adults

Top 10 Most Famous Penises In Human History

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:22:00 GMT

Pop quiz, kid... whose dick is this movie star talking about:

"He only weighs 120, but 100 pounds is cock..."

The answer, according to today's Frisky story Seven Famous Penises in History, is, of course, Frank Sinatra...

1. John Holmes... like some Madonna-lovin' the mufucka, he's diggin' tunnels...

2. Napoleon... he had a complex for a reason, people...

3. John Wayne Bobbitt... who really doesn't wanna be here...

4. David by Michelangelo... the most viewed penis... even more so than Pete Wentz's!

5. Sinatra... who, if he'd done nothing else, would have at least got to be the subject of Ava Gardner's greatest quote...

6. The Minister in "The Little Mermaid"... with his animated boner. Thanks, Disney!

7. Rasputin... maybe they couldn't kill him because of his superhuman dong...

We'd like to add three more to make it an even Top 10:

Milton Berle - a lot of people today don't remember Uncle Milty... unless they remember the name as a euphemism for something large and dangling...

Dirk Diggler - we'd have put Marky Mark, but he was wearing a prosthetic schlong in Boogie Nights...

Michael Jackson - Jacko's Johnson apparently has spots all over it that only a molested boy would know... so why did no one believe this kid when he described them exactly in a court appearance?

Oh, and one more: Jimi Hendrix and his ~~little wing~~ big thing:

Anyway, you can read the full 7 previously mentioned, with amusing stories about each, at The Frisky.

Related:

Artist's Penis Commits World's Largest Indecent Exposure

"This Is The City's Response To A Penis" One of Many Classic Moments From Nude Gallery Raid

You Asked for a Penis Poll, You Got It

Don't Miss: The Icelandic Penis Museum

Baby Born With Extra Penis, Parents Have it Removed Why?

Crush of the Week: Pete Wentz

Top 10 Places To Have Sex... This Week

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 15:19:00 GMT

Although the list on Playboy concentrates on the Top 10 Places To Have Sex Before You Die, we gotta say, "Why are you spreading these out over the rest of your life? You should do all ten of these this week."

Besides that, the Playboy list is kind of lame, with many obvious choices (and it begged the obvious #11 and #12 additions on Digg: "In the ass" and "in the boobeez.") We came up with our own list, which is based on experience...

10. On a kitchen table-- anybody remember Bull Durham? What about the scene in Fatal Attraction on the counter? You know why we remember these? Because they were fuckin' hot.

9. In a car... a moving car... that you're driving-- while we don't encourage this kind of behavior, it has apparently worked for several of our readers. And Charlie Sheen.

8. In a limo-- roll up that screen... unless you get off on the chauffer watching in the rearview mirror.

7. In the subway-- there's always a chance the train is going to stop in the next station and a top of up-all-night tourists are going to step into your previously deserted car. But that shouldn't stop anyone from having a quickie!

6. In an abandoned house-- not like a crack house or anything. (Although we're not against sex anywhere.) Do you have a kind of ghost town, such as the Salton Sea, near you? Drive out to a rundown motel and find a bizarre place to have sex-- a bizarre room to have sex in, that is, funny guy.

5. In the jacuzzi-- just don't let the other bed and breakfast guests catch you. Remember: it's hot when you do it, gross when someone else does it.

4. On the floor-- this would be obvious, except when there's a bed nearby, 99.9999% of the time, couples will choose the bed. Hey, live a little...

3. At a stadium event-- if you're at a Miley Cyrus concert, there are going to be so many teenagers getting it on, you won't even be given a second glance.

And, ah, what the hell... two we agree with from Playboy's list:

2. On the beach-- although if you haven't already done this, this should be your next one to try out: you have one more weekend of summer left, after all...

1. At the mile high club-- just make sure Ralph Fiennes isn't already lurking in the loo and this should be a good time.

How Young Is Too Young?

Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans Join The Mile High Club

Can I Have A Window Seat In The Non-Masturbating Section?

Sex on the Beach: In Dubai, That's 6 Years in Prison

Nine British Women In Beach Bust After Oral Sex Contest

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

"Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin" And Other Classic Celebrity Spam Headlines

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:17:00 GMT

Mainly because it's Friday and we're burnt out from a romantic concert by Dean & Britta last night, we found this Top 10 List of Celebrity Spam bizarrely hilarious...

10) Britney Spears Admits “My Vagina Made Me Shave My Head Bald”
9) Angelina Jolie’s Lips Explode
8) Sarah Jessica Parker Arrested For Gross Negligee
7) Britney Spears Shoots Down American Spy Satellite With Her Vagina
6) Angelina Jolie Set To Destroy Own Vagina
5) Britney Spears: “Yes, I tried to suck the shine off a bumper”
4) BREAKING NEWS: Mike Tyson To Fight Michael Jackson (oh, please, let this be true!)
3) LiLo heartbroken as Diana’s Butler beds Winehouse
2) Paris Hilton Becomes Nun
1) Aliens Deny Impregnating Paris Hilton

Also: Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin, Britney Spears Is Actually A Piece Of Broccoli, Britney Spears Applies For Barack Obama Masseuse Job, Britney Spears Recording New Album - Forgotten How To Sing (unfortunately, this one's probably not true), Paris Hilton Dogs Paris Hilton With Lawsuit, Britney Spears Not Bipolar - New World Order Conspiracy Afoot, Paris Hilton denies screwing Ron Paul, Paris Hilton: "I'm Still A Summer Virgin," and Aliens Kidnapped By Michael Jackson. (We're taking it they meant "Alien Babies...")

A couple of these were not celebrity-related, but too good to pass up. MSNBC: Couple Plans Breakup In 2009 and BREAKING NEWS: "I Ate All The Pies," Man Confesses.

Several of these are taken from this post.

Related:

Somebody Wants To Invade Our Vaginas

Top 10 Spam Euphemisms For Your Small Willy

Security Breach Means More Spam For Porn Customers

I Made It Into Spam; Now I Can Die A Happy Man

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

Top 10 Toys That Made You Gay... in the 80s

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:06:00 GMT

Gays and straights everywhere have been rejoicing over this newly-released compilation.

The Just Out blog gushed sentimentally:

For the record I had number 9, I wanted 8 and 5 very badly but never got them, and I had several pairs of number 3. I had no idea number 1 even existed.

The reason no one realizes #1 even existed is because we were so traumatized by its commercial that we blocked it out of our own impressionable little minds...

10 Toys That Might Have Made You Gay in the 80s

Does anyone out there remember these? And, more importantly, did you realize you were gay in the 80s... as a result of one of these ads?

Thanks to McNulty for the tip.

HGTV Star Prevented From Talking To Media Because He's Gay... Or Because He's In Gay Porn?

While You Were Sleeping: The Cancer Scares

The 10 Best Date Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:09:00 GMT

Once again, an asinine list elsewhere on the web has caused us to create our own Top 10 in retaliation.

Come on-- Sideways, about a guy cheating on his fiancee, is in the Top 5? And what the hell are Shortbus, Eternal Sunshine, and House of Flying Daggers doing here?

We're huge fans-- especially of Eternal Sunshine-- but we saw it on a date once and the woman immediately returned to her ex-boyfriend-- because it's about forgiving your past and makes you want to return to your ex's. Hell, we knew that the first time we saw it, sans date.

Instead, here's our refined list:

10. Before Sunrise. Infinitely superior to its sequel, Before Sunset, this little charmer will win you points for an original choice, a breezy storyline, and a really emotional ending.

9. The Apartment. You mean you've never seen the Jack Lemmon-Shirley McClaine romance? And you rented Fast and the Furious when they had both checked in at the video store?

8. Casablanca. This is a tricky one, since (SPOILER ALERT) the ending is bittersweet and Ingrid Bergman gets on that plane with the other man. But think about it: it's the idea of watching this movie that counts. Once you tell your date you're popping this one in the DVD player, they're going to smile and relax, since it's pretty clear what you have in mind for the evening...

7. The Philadelphia Story. Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant. No more should ever be said.

6. Annie Hall. One of the few perfect films ever made about dating and love.

5. The Graduate. Just try to block out that final image giving you a window into Ben and Elaine's future life. Otherwise, you'll have 'em where you want 'em...

4. The Princess Bride. In the sort of "guilty pleasure" category. Might not want to try this on a guy... unless you know he's a total teddy bear.

3. Doctor Zhivago. One of the great film epics, this doesn't have the hipster cred that most of the above movies carry into today, but it's still an unbearably good movie...

3. Say Anything. Of course.

2. Manhattan. Forget the whole jailbait problem (Woody Allen falls for a 17-year-old smarty pants)-- there's nothing like seeing this on a roof or anywhere outdoors, with a bottle of wine and someone to romance. We particularly fawn over Woody's "chase scene" toward the end-- it's arguably a more romantic moment than the end of Casablanca.

1. Some Like It Hot, which includes the funniest scene, best line, and best ending in movie history. It wouldn't have mattered if it was about the Holocaust-- these factors alone make it a great date movie.

Honorable mentions (and, it should be noted, these are not all ranked by quality, just by universal date-movie-worthiness): Gone With The Wind [weekend away/rainy day-dates only], When Harry Met Sally, Romeo Is Bleeding [if you're twisted], and a million more you should have already figured out... but for the love of God, not Sideways!

See the Times of London's Top 20.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Which Pop Star Might Play The Lead In The Next Tarantino Film?

Woody Allen Sues American Apparel For Exposing His Jewish Heritage

Sloppy Seconds: In Which Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz Make Out

Guess The Favorite Songs Of Your Presidential Candidate

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 19:20:00 GMT

Blender somehow convinced the two leading Presidential candidates, Obama Bin Laden and John "Older Than" MacDonald's, that its pages were relevant and well-read enough to earn two minutes of their time in order to get their Top 10 Favorite Songs In Human History...

...and you know John McCain's is gonna include all of recorded history...

BARACK OBAMA
1. Ready or Not Fugees
2. What's Going On Marvin Gaye
3. I'm On Fire Bruce Spingsteen
4. Gimme Shelter Rolling Stones
5. Sinnerman Nina Simone
6. Touch the Sky Kanye West
7. You'd Be So Easy to Love Frank Sinatra
8. Think Aretha Franklin
9. City of Blinding Lights U2
10. Yes We Can will.i.am

What the Christ? "Yes We Can," the grammatical error that launched a few thousand imitators and fourteen new voter applications is only his #10. (In full disclosure, it's a terrible, terrible "song" anyway.)

JOHN McCAIN
1. Dancing Queen ABBA
2. Blue Bayou Roy Orbison
3. Take a Chance On Me ABBA
4. If We Make It Through December Merle Haggard
5. As Time Goes By Dooley Wilson
6. Good Vibrations The Beach Boys
7. What A Wonderful World Louis Armstrong
8. I've Got You Under My Skin Frank Sinatra
9. Sweet Caroline Neil Diamond
10. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes The Platters

Dude, you're not sick to death of What A Wonderful World by now, which has been used in every movie and TV ad since it's first release in 1910? And nice try finding new music to take away some of the still-living people's votes from Obama... we're pretty sure everyone on here except Neil Diamond is dead, except some of The Beach Boys. Okay, Merle is still kicking ass... never mind, you get the point.

Luckily, Blender hired Randy Newman and Girl Talk to explain just what this is all about:

Why’d they both pick Frankie Blue Eyes?
RN: It says a lot about the long ride Sinatra got out of being phenomenal for two years in the ’40s.
Who gets your vote based solely on this list?
GT: If there’s a candidate with Fugees’ “Ready or Not” on his list, I have to vote for him.
RN: McCain has a really likeable list. Then again, Hitler liked some good music, you know?

Related:

Curious About What's on Barack Obama's iPod?

Who Would You Rather?: Kanye West vs. Jay Z

About Time Obama Lightened Up A Little...

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

If You Can Name Two Funny Republicans, BarackBook Is For You

Sloppy Seconds: The Million-Dollar Strip Club Buy

Sloppy Seconds: Hillary Clinton's Latest Theory

Sloppy Seconds: Matthew Broderick And Sarah Jessica Parker On The Run?

The 10 Best Things About Vibrators

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:45:00 GMT

Our substitute blogger, Byron Dafoe, writes in: "Scanner Brian's tongue-in-cheek post about 'fearing' a partner-eliminating vibrator may have given the mistaken impression that we are anti-vibrator. Quite the contrary. In order to celebrate Babeland's new ROBORUB 3000 (or whatever it is) we present our top 10 reasons why we love the vibrator."

10. You can lean back and enjoy the beauty of a woman’s orgasm with the same studied intensity you bring to your crazy friend's gallery opening.

9. Norwegian Dildo Parties?

8. Tag ‘em in and take a break: it’s sandwich time!

7. An ample substitute for bachelor parties too poor to hire a stripper (?!)

6. Remote Control Torture Fun

5. Enjoy double-penetration without the awkward run-ins at the next party.

4. Eggs. Need we say more?

3. As much as you may not want to admit it, everyone’s ass is just loaded with nerve endings. Male or female, you too can enjoy every single one of them.

2. Orgasm. Times 10.

1. See #2 again, and again, and again.

-by Byron Dafoe, whose work has appeared in Playboy and many other publications and is filling in for Verena this week

Give the Gift of Life This Holiday Season: A Vibrator

Sloppy Seconds: Elizabeth Hasselbeck Not Sure What A Vibrator Is For

Quite Possibly the Best Christmas Gift Ever: The Everlasting Vibrator

Vibrating Mascara: Because You're Worth It

Holy Papaya, Batman! That's a Vibrator!

Top 10 "Happy Earth Day" Sex Toys

Hey Everybody, I Just Pummeled My Vagina!

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part Two)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:29:00 GMT

Did you catch our hottest women of the Summer Olympics list? Here's part two... the guys...

By the way, we are going to go with almost all American athletes for this one just because it's been harder to find hot athlete dudes on the internet unless you can Google in other languages...

Andrew Campbell for Sailing:

Andrew Rosenthal, Volleyball

Brian McBride, Soccer

Raj Bhavsar, Gymnastics

And Alexander Despatie, the Canadian and world champion diver...

Via Cosmo and our own dirty minds. We welcome your suggestions for replacements or additions to this list in the comments...

See Previous: The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part One: The Females)

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part One)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:59:00 GMT

Naaaah... Maria Sharapova's too obvious a choice, but enjoy this photo anyway

NBC wants you to have Olympic fever... after all, how many hundred million dollars have they spent just for the rights to telecast the games?

By that rationale, they'll need to keep people hooked... and there's nothing that'll hook an American audience like drooling over the world's finest athletic specimens...

First, the Females:

Until just the other day, Ana Ivanovic was the number one ranked women's tennis player in the world. Forget Sharapova, man...

Katerina Emmons from Czech Republic: Because there's nothing hotter than a woman with a sniper rifle.

Kelly Sotherton from Great Britain. She nabbed a Bronze in Athens and Jackie Joyner-Kersee sees her as a heavy favorite to win gold this time. We just want to marry her and seize the throne at Buckingham. (Maybe because she reminds us a little bit of Carla Bruni.)

Jenny Adams from the US. The 100m master did an FHM shoot, so we'll root for her on that alone (although we don't read FHM or anything... really.)

Stephanie Rice from Australia. Going through a well-publicized breakup has got to be a major distraction on the eve of the Beijing Games, but swimmer Stephanie is the world record holder in the 200 meter individual medley and should perform strong here.

Continued in Part Two: The Male Candidates.

Several pics via Webtv.

The Top 10 Weirdest Sex Laws

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:02:00 GMT

We want to defy the logic of these sex laws.

The Top 10 Weirdest Sex Laws:

10. No one is allowed to have sex in a parked car. Unless the car has (drawn) curtains... in Carlsbad, New Mexico)

9. It's illegal for a woman to take off her clothes while in front of a man's photo in Oxford, Ohio.

8. It is against the law for husbands to to talk dirty ("curse at his wife") during intercourse in Willowdale, Oregon.

7. The missionary position is the only sexual position allowed by law in Washington, DC.

6. Women, married or not, husbands about to die or not, are not allowed to have sex with while riding in an ambulance. "In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment," courtesy of Tremonton, Utah.

5. Giving or receiving head is against the law in 18 states, including Arizona and Utah.

4. For reasons we don't want to know, it's against the law to get it on with a truck driver inside a toll booth in Harrisonburg, PA.

3. Sticking your dick in a porcupine is illegal in Florida. (We'd like to think this law is unnecessary, but we're talking about Florida here...)

2. It is against the law for a man to fire a gun while his female partner is having an orgasm in Connorsville, Wisconsin. (Wait, is he firing a gun to blow her mind? To kill her for coming before him? Because he's been finished for ten minutes and was trying to clean his rifle? What?)

1. And having bestiality with animals is legal for men, "as long as the animal weighs less than 40 pounds," in the great state of Washington.

Honorable Mentions:

It is illegal in Utah to marry your first cousin before the age of 65.

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

And "a law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets."

Via Bert C and College Times.

Scanner : top 10

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Spike's Ten Lies About Sex Contains a Lie

While You Were Sleeping: Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape Is Inspiring to Young Girls?

Top 10 Dumbest Anti-Obama Signs

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5 Men Who Look Better With Age

Scanner Emily vs. Sarah Palin

In Which We Finally Put The Lid on 2008: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of Last Year

Top 10 Scanner Posts of 2008: Because We Can Never Get Enough Ashley Alexandra Dupre

Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

In Case You Missed It Yesterday: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

The Top 10 Yahoo Searches of 2008

Did 8-Year-Old Emily Know Scanner Emily Would Become the Crazy Cat Lady?

Top 10 Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgeries

Most Likely, We'll Sleep With You if You Grow a Giant Beard

Top 10 Secrets For Looking Great Naked... From A Nudist Resort

Top 10 Ways to Avoid Becoming The Crazy Cat Lady

Top 10 Most Famous Penises In Human History

Top 10 Places To Have Sex... This Week

"Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin" And Other Classic Celebrity Spam Headlines

Top 10 Toys That Made You Gay... in the 80s

The 10 Best Date Movies

Guess The Favorite Songs Of Your Presidential Candidate

The 10 Best Things About Vibrators

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part Two)

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part One)

The Top 10 Weirdest Sex Laws