Scanner : the nineties

Bust Out the Doc Martens and Flowy Skirts: The Lilith Fair is Back

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 14:21:00 GMT

Go ahead, pretend you didn't spend the better part of the nineties singing Sarah McLachlan songs in the shower, but we know better. And if you were as young and poor and uncool as we were, you may have spent the last ten years of your life regretting the fact that you never made it to the Lilith Fair to catch McLachlan, Missy Eliot, Bonnie Rait, Erykah "On and On" Badu, Lisa "You Say I Only Hear What I Want To" Loeb, Paula "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" Cole, Meredith "Bitch" Brooks*, Meshell Ndegeocello, The Cowboy Junkies, and so many, many more amazing female performers. But, after a ten-year hiatus, the Lilith Fair is back. Well, it will be back. In 2010. Terry McBride, chief executive of Nettwerk Music Group made the announcement via Twitter over the weekend. And that's the good news.

The bad news?

So far, Billboard reports, Nettwerk has only planned a two-week tour in the U.K./Europe. (Scanner Colleen, I see an across-the-pond girl date/camping trip in our future.)

Lilithfair.com (which we assume is official) confirms the festival's return, but a basic splash page links only to its Wikipedia entry.

*Speaking of Meredith "Bitch Brooks, we recently heard that song on the radio and couldn't believe how fucking good and ::sigh:: relevant it is, still.

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[Via AfterEllen]

[Image]

Polish Teens Work Hard for the Money

Emily Farris — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 16:51:00 GMT

When we were 14 and decided that we just had to have every style of Doc Martens sandals and at least two pairs of boots to go with those Lucky jeans, we got our first job. We worked the counter at Chinese Delight in the food court of the Independence Center. It was fun, we made new friends, and every week we blew our entire paycheck at The Buckle. We worked hard for the money, but apparently not as hard as Polish teens who are turning to prostitution so they can buy clothes, concert tickets and expensive vacations.

A new report from the Poland Children's Ombudsman's Office shows that girls enter the sex business at fifteen or sixteen, while boys enter as young as fourteen or fifteen.

Twenty percent do it on their own free will. They choose to sell their bodies in order to earn money for brand clothes, fashionable gadgets or concert tickets. Material goods help them gain respect of their peers. “Young people feel they need to attend trendy clubs, wear brand clothes and have enough money for expensive alcohol and cigarettes in order to be accepted,” said Jacek Kurzępa, the co-author of the report.

Another reason why teenagers decide to enter sex business is the desire to earn money easily and quickly. It is a particularly tempting option for those who collect money for holidays, pets or tickets to all kinds of music and sports events, because it saves time. There is also a group of teenagers who prostitute themselves just for a thrill, to taste a forbidden fruit, says the report.

Prostitution is not perceived as bad or even shameful by many teenagers, the report shows. Young people, instead of calling prostitution by its name, use the term “sponsoring”, which softens its true meaning. For some, teenagers those who have a sponsor can even be role models.

It is becoming easier for teenagers to enter the sex trade nowadays than it was several years ago. Young people do not need to sell their bodies on the street. All they need is a computer with internet access, where they can find sex ads and place their own offers. Some of the teenagers are encouraged to prostitute themselves by their friends who already are in the business. “Twenty- or thirty-years-olds become prostitutes because they have to pay for studies or need money for their children. Teenagers sell their bodies in order to have fun,” said a sex agency owner.

Young people who choose prostitution as their source of income, a bonus to their pocket money, do not realize the real cost of it. In Poland there are not enough institutions or organizations which could help teenagers permanently free themselves from sex work, when they decide to, says the report. Even police are rather helpless when it comes to investigating consensual teenage sex cases since neither a client, nor a teen prostitute want their business to be revealed.

[News.pl: Teens prostitute themselves for brand clothes]

Related:

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Will the Spitzer Scandal Change the Way We Think About Prostitution?

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Yahoo Thinks It Knows Why You Never Make It To That Second Date

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:51:00 GMT

There's a Yahoo! blog called Foxy Festivities that we haven't paid any attention to until recently. Perhaps it's that title, which is easily dismissed. Or maybe the fact that they're on Yahoo.com, which hasn't been on anyone's radar since 1995.

Foxy Festivities is dedicated to entertaining-- although this post, entitled "First Date Deal-Breakers" is only loosely tied to the topic...

Your expert sexperts attempt to advise us in a way we haven't heard before. Do they succeed in convincing to change our self-sabotaging ways?

1) Don't take a guy to a ballgame if you hate sports; don't take a girl to a Bergman festival if you, you know, ever want to get laid for the rest of your life. Or something like that.

2) Make sure to fill up with gas-- the petroleum-based kind, silly. Oh, and no limos.

3) As if this list isn't stolen from every Woody Allen movie already, don't take your date to a loud rock concert.

4) Don't overdress. (Is anyone still reading at this point?)

5) Don't start out with a double date. That way, you're forced to get to know each other.

6) Choose a restaurant that falls in between The Russian Tea Room and Jack-in-the-Box.

There are several more recommendations here, but do we really need to list them all? First-dating comes down to this... smile, look your best without digging up a tux, pick a halfway decent restaurant, and... for God's sake... choose an activity that allows room for conversation. Oh, and try not to look for reasons not to date the person again ("one of his shoelaces was untied for thirty seconds" does not count.)

Via Yahoo!

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Crush of the Week: Carrie Brownstein

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:17:00 GMT

Carrie Brownstein, let me count the ways: hot, lesbian, in a sexy lesbian hard rock band (currently on hiatus), blogger, indie, participates in hilarious podcasts for NPR's All Songs Considered, hot, hot, hot.

(The fact that she dates women in no way affects our adoration one way or another. We just wanted to mention it as a way of explaining why we don't just shut up about her and use our connections to land a date.)

If you still consider her to be "in" rock and roll, then perhaps you'll peruse these photos and agree she's one of the sexiest brunettes in rock and roll.

Brownstein landed on the national map in the 1990s (holy shit, that was a long time ago at this point) thanks to her membership in the indie rock trio Sleater-Kinney, eventually landing in Time Magazine as its Best Band In America at the end of the decade. We first fell in love with Carrie after purchasing Dig Me Out and gushing over the adorable booklet photos of her-- oh, and the music was all right, I guess.

Seriously, Sleater-Kinney has always been a seriously entertaining band, and, many would argue, an explosive live act (see below evidence.) Therefore, we were forced to do a bit of scrambled readjustment when Monitor Mix first appeared on the NPR website.

"My hopes for Monitor Mix are that it will be descriptive as opposed to merely prescriptive. I would rather discuss and examine what it is that people actually consume than to tell you what you should be listening to." [Wikipedia]

How intelligent, especially for a rock star. Then, she had to go one-up herself with these excellent podcasts for All Songs Considered, in which she joins other NPR music staffers in goofing on each other and playing Ramones and Gerbils songs, plus a brief interlude of "All By Myself" until they can't keep a straight face anymore. Adorable.

And don't get us started on this comedy team she put together with Fred Armisen... it's making her look even more awesome than we thought possible... like Smittens wore by two seven-year-old lovebirds...

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Next in Virtual Sex: The Real Touch Porn Device

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 15:56:00 GMT

At the Adult Expo in Vegas earlier this month, everyone was talking about The RealTouch, basically a masturbation device for the virtual reality era, which, if we're not mistaken, was in 1992.

While this item is of questionable modern day relevance, we had to share it with you because of its revolutionary combination of internet porn, sleek design, and Sasha Grey... seriously.

Developed by a guy who used to work for NASA (or so he claims-- the space people aren't talking), the RealTouch is best described by its manufacturer. (Warning: Porny language and offensive, arguably derogatory comments about women.)

Simply connect the USB cable to your computer and in just moments you're synched up to the hot sex on the screen. Feel every flick of her tongue, every clinched muscle, and every tremble of her body as she comes. No other product captures the delicate nuances of the female body quite like RealTouch. Whether you prefer amazing blowjobs, fucking a tight ass, or a wet pussy, the revolutionary design of RealTouch lets you break all the rules without breaking any promises.

One blogger notes: "Cleaning seems a bit problematic (and questionably hygienic) as the unit cannot be submerged in water or placed in your dishwasher."

For all this gooey greatness (if this is your thing, that is-- for us, we'll stick to actual sex, thanks), you'll be paying $150. For that, they'll throw in Amy Fisher, Gianna Michaels, Jada Fire, Jenna Haze, and Sasha Grey, to name a few, all of whom appear in virtual reality-style porn point-of-view flicks that apparently come with the device. (This hasn't been made clear and the site doesn't yet allow for purchases.)

We'll also satsify your desires [says the girl in the introductory video] with a walk on the wild side: try trannies, midgets, or well-hung shemales!

Good luck and please do not let us know how it worked for you.

Via RealTouch.

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FOXNews Claims Jesus Will Guard Your Daughter's Vagina

Emily Farris — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 16:55:00 GMT

Forget everything you heard in 2008!!! It turns out hanging with that hepcat Jesus really does contribute to keeping America's youth free from sin.

According to Janet Rosenbaum, a post doctoral fellow at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, young people with strong religious backgrounds become sexually active about three years later than their non-religious peers. (It should be noted that her numbers are based on data collected from middle and high school students in 1995 and 1996, way back when even we were religious and not having sex.) But don't be fooled by those pesky virginity pledges or purity rings, she says.

Rosenbaum's study showed that making a virginity pledge doesn't play a role any sexual behavior because teenagers who take a pledge are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence. The study also revealed that those who took virginity pledges where less likely to use condoms that non-pledgers, she said.

So those kids with their purity rings can stop frontin'! However, if Rosenbaum thinks the numbers reflect the actions of today's teenagers, by "sex" she must mean purely "penis in vagina," because if we remember correctly, teenagers across the nation are gladly taking it up the ass—and other orifices—these days.

Of course, only FOXNews would report on a story that's based on 13-year-old statistics about 13-year-olds.

[FOXNews: Study: Religious Teens More Likely to Abstain from Sex]

ABC Calls Drunken Teenage Anal Sex "Love Making," Interviews Jezzies and Ultimately Tries to be Helpful
Scanner Roundtable: Purity Rings
Video of the Day: Have You Taken Your Virginity Pledge Yet?
Today in WTF: Virginity Pledges Actually Work?
The Father-Daughter Purity Ball Is One Party Scanner Will Not Be Attending

The Latest Kool Kid Kraze: Vodka Tampons

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:14:00 GMT

Back in the pre-Roman era known as the 1990s, dumb kids all over the world inserted vodka-soaked tampons in their vaginas for a serious "contact high" and to avoid being caught with booze on the breath.

The following should disprove any notions you might have about the recent resurgence of the practice among alcohol-crazed teens...

1) Just because you put booze in your vagina, doesn't mean mom can't smell it on your breath. That odor has to go somewhere... and it's not going out your ass. Science tells us that the lungs help expunge the putrid stench of the devil's brew-- assuming, of course, that you haven't resorted to drinking to dull the pain of your marijuana-clogged lungs.

2) Having alcohol inside your vagina is worse for your poon than Ron Jeremy. It can cause the wrong kind of bleeding into the tampon.

3) Indeed, you won't have a woozy stomach, but hopefully that doesn't make you say, "Forget the rest of these red flags, I'll do it!"

4) No one is quite sure if this practice, which is still popular in crazy, backwards countries like Columbia, Brazil, and-- Sarah Palin's favorite-- "Africa," is actually real. Videogum disputes it, saying:

Possibly one person ever did [that], but now like 50,000 stay-at-home moms are going to have "The Vodka-Soaked Tampon Talk" with their kids tonight.

5) As a sociological experiment, you should do that tonight. Seriously, have a talk with your 12-year-old (hell, your four-year-old) about vodka-soaked tampons and report back to us on the conversation....

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Video of the Day: Happy Thanksgiving

Emily Farris — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:38:00 GMT

If we have to tell you what's after the jump it's time to go back to watching "High School Musical."

Arlo Guthrie Hopes You Can Still Get Anything You Want This Thanksgiving

Scanner Emily's Savory Sweet Potato Recipe

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The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 20-11

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 19:25:00 GMT

We continue our list with the Top 20 sexiest films ever made.

If you need a refresher, here are 30-21, 31-40, and 50-41.

20. Boogie Nights. Come on, you don't actually need an explanation for why this is here, do you? This film is about the 70s porn explosion and it involves Julianne Moore and Heather Graham, not to mention Burt Reynolds. For God's sake!

19. Do The Right Thing. It seems like a century has passed since Spike Lee's monumental classic Do The Right Thing landed like a meteorite and sent the nation reeling. Do you remember the time when Spike used to star in his own movies? As seen here, he was actually a decent actor and, more importantly, Rosie Perez wasn't intolerable.

18. A History of Violence. You wouldn't think a guy who made a movie about people putting VHS tapes in their vaginas would ever be able to make a movie as sexy as a History of Violence, but David Cronenberg pulls it off-- in this case, thanks entirely to the sex scene that starts 7:00 into this clip.

17. Some Like It Hot. The greatest line, the greatest ending, the funniest scene, and one of the best onscreen couples ever (Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe... although Jack Lemmon and Joe E. Brown are a pretty hot duo.) What more could you ask for? Scene after scene of some of the sexiest comic moments in film history would be too much, wouldn't it? But Some Like It Hot delivers, in a way that no movie has been able to since. Check out Marilyn and her, um, "Bosom Companions," in this vintage trailer.

16. Gone with the Wind. Is this movie still sexy? We saw it for the first time only a few years ago and wondered what the big deal was... right up until the concluding scene, when (SPOILERS!) Rhett doesn't give a good goddamn what you think, Scarlett. Ever since, we've tried to figure out how the hell Clark Gable got so suave and how we could even hold a candle to it. You'd do right by watching this nine-minute clip, with which the epic film concludes.

15. Unfaithful. We don't get it-- you're married to Richard Gere and you're seduced by Oliver Martinez? Is it because Gere wears glasses? That seems to be the only explanation for Diane Lane's falling for Kylie Minogue's real life beau in this surprise success from Fatal Attraction director Adrian Lyne. Either way, we don't mind this one-- especially after a twist that could have served as a much better ending for Fatal Attraction itself.

14. The Hunger. No list of sex and movies is complete with a hot vampire movie. No list of sex and movies is complete with this hot vampire movie, starring the sumptuous trio of Catherine Denueve, David Bowie, and Susan Sarandon. Succulent.

13. Out of Sight. The best part of Out of Sight wasn't the famous trunk scene (pictured above), or the scintillating presence of then-budding-star (and then-tolerable) Jennifer Lopez, or even George Clooney's breakthrough performance. Rather, it was Steven Soderberg's deft balance of action, comedy, and romance to turn a preposterous love story in a very sexy near-classic. By keeping Lopez and Clooney away from each other for most of the film, while simultaneously allowing their characters to toy with each other throughout, made for a huge breath of fresh air in 1997.

12. The More the Merrier. Jean Arthur is engaged to a real schmuck, a guy who's engaged to her but sees no need to get married. A lodger in Arthur's apartment (long story) falls in love with her and, knowing the lady is being strung along, decides to make his move. Although this scene is often named as the sexiest in movie history (the kiss itself is singled out for praise by most film critics), The More The Merrier was overshadowed by another 1943 film on our list (can you guess which one?) and has fallen into near-obscurity. Wanna help raise it from oblivion?

11. The Postman Always Rings Twice. "The whole reason for that movie is sex, and that's why I wanted to do it." - Jack Nicholson. Usually, updating a sexy classic just ends in vulgarity (Psycho, starring Vince Vaughn, anyone?) and while the almost-rape scene in David Mamet's 1982 version of the Postman Always Rings Twice could make the whole movie a turnoff for some, the steamy Depression-Era atmosphere and continuous lust-filled overtones add up to one hot flick. Here's the movie's most memorable moment:

Related:

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All Time: 40-31

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 30-21

Hot or Not? Cindy Crawford at 42

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 18:45:00 GMT

Cindy Crawford never has to do anything again. She certainly doesn't need to prove herself as a model, since she retains the record for most magazine cover appearances. But perhaps, at 42 years young, Crawford is restless.

She's been off our radar for many years, and might as well have been a star in the 19th century for all the fashion industry cares. Which may be why everyone's going batshit crazy over these French Vogue photos-- folks don't even remember who she is...

We're a bit conflicted: the first time we saw Cindy Crawford, she was in a Victoria's Secret catalog our eight-year-old (!) cousin had stashed under his bed. Cindy reminded us of Steven Tyler in a way that was vaguely distracting, and so we moved on to Claudia Schiffer. Months later, in Vanity Fair or some place, Cindy turned up again as her usual fantastic-looking self and we started to come around.

Now we're not so sure... here she is at 42, with a spread from French Vogue... what do you think?

More photos here.

Related:

The Internet: No Longer for Porn

Emily Farris — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:41:00 GMT

Are you too busy stalking that guy on Facebook or MySpace to worry about porn? According to "an internet researcher" you are.

Internet researcher Bill Tancer analyzed information for more than 10 million Web visitors and concluded that "young users spend so much time on social networks that they don't have time to look at adult sites."

He said surfing for porn had dropped to about 10 percent of searches from 20 percent a decade ago.

The top Internet searches now are on sites such as MySpace and Facebook.

"As social-networking traffic has increased, visits to porn sites have decreased," said Tancer, adding that 18- to 24-year-olds particularly are searching less for porn.

[Jezebel via NY Post]