Scanner : teenage wasteland

Teen Prisoners Have Wild Sex Party on Valentine's Day

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 14:00:00 GMT

It seems some Australian teens took a page from our homeboy Corey Worthington over Valentine's Day. Unfortunately, these teens were juvenile delinquents who were supposed to be guarded and locked down but who instead paid an unexpected and well-received visit to a nearby girl's dormitory.

Having spent time in the tank as a teenager myself, speaking strictly as Scanner Brian, I can definitely say that I would've rather snuck out to visit the girl's prison than to make any sort of daring escape. Then again, I would've probably been too terrified to just waltz into another prison and propose a wild orgy on Valentine's Day, as these lovable tykes apparently did:

A Territory mother said she was "furious" when her 15-year-old son - who is serving three months for a minor crime - told her he had taken part in the jailhouse sex escapade.

"He told me that they had all had sex in the one room - it was a big Valentine's Day sex romp," the 31-year-old mother said.

The guards had left the doors open-- in the male and female lock-ups, it appears-- on Valentine's Day and the guys and girls congregated for some consensual lovemakin'.

The mother said her son and the other teens had laughed off the orgy as "fun and games".

But she said several parents were now "in talks" with a lawyer about possibly taking civil action. "One father of a girl involved said he was going to sue the pants off them," the mother said.

Yep, that prison is in deep doo-doo. Ironically, the party animal of the Aussie nation has shrugged off the wrath of his parents and is going into the party-making business big time. Man, and we thought America had f-ed up that whole parental guidance thing...

[Link: News.com.au]

[Previously: Famous Glasses.]

McLovin' Isn't All That Into Getting Freaky With You

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:00:00 GMT

As if the New York Times wasn't taking enough flak for its terrible reporting of the McCain sex ring, now their readers are LOL'ing at the gossip rag's reporting of a new study that seems to indicate all those Judd Aptow-Seth Rogan movies are not quite accurate depictions of teenage sex lives:

A new report in The Journal of Adolescence this month suggests that when it comes to sex, girls and dating, boys are more complex than we typically give them credit for. While hormonal urges are no doubt an important part of a teenage boy’s life, they aren’t necessarily the defining trait influencing a boy’s relationships with girls.

Salon has its own story on the story of the study, complete with snarky, Gawkeresque excerpts from the Times's comment section:

When the Times first blogged about the study, readers rushed in with snickering skepticism. Take this comment: "Based on my past experience as a teenage boy, this study just reinforces my view that teenage boys are horny liars." Or this: "Yeah right! 16-year-old boys are concerned about relationships?" Even this: "I can just about pinpoint the exact moment in my prepubescent life when the 'lies I told the ladies' turned into the 'truths' I told myself ... These punks have got one thing on their minds, and it ain't relationships." Holy protective posturing, Batman!

We remember that, yes, high school was about getting a girlfriend first and getting some poontang second (we're pretty sure we didn't think of it as poontang, either.) However, there isn't a guy, straight or gay, that passed through high school without at least having tried to put the moves on somebody, whether it's at the prom or under the bleachers with James Franco.

"'Grand Theft Auto' For Girls" Probably Won't Replace Solitaire on Our Phones

Bryan Christian — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:56:00 GMT

Meet Coolest Girl in School, a video game that's being described as "Grand Theft Auto for Girls" and is causing a wee ruckus in Australia and Canada for its tongue-in-cheek mashup of Bully and Confessions of an Heiress. From the designer's website:

What does every girl across the globe have in common? At some point, every girl wishes she could be the Coolest Girl in School.
Coolest Girl in School lets players live out their high school fantasies.
Experiment with fashion! Experiment with drugs! Experiment with your sexuality! Cut class! Spread rumors! But try to avoid dying of embarrassment- literally!

Sounds *awesome*, right? Sure, except for one small thing: it's for your phone. YOUR PHONE! You know what Grand Theft Auto on a phone would be? We do. It's called Oregon Trail, and it sure as hell ain't the sprawling, open-ended, rated-M-for-Mature madness that is Grand Theft Auto. Boo hiss, game designers Champagne for the Ladies, for comparing your tiny apple to GTA's groundbreaking orange and getting us all excited over what's basically Zork for Mean Girls.

Lady gamers: we know you're out there. Would any of y'all play a full size version of this video game? Lady non-gamers: would you be curious? And dudes: is it just me that sometimes plays Vice City and wishes he could be a hooker instead of Ray Liotta?

[Via Destructoid]