Scanner : t-shirts

Sloppy Seconds: Megan Fox Doesn't Need You To Take Her Seriously

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 May 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A man gave birth to his twin, Alien style. Sort of. [The Inquisitr]

Looks like Oprah is going to have a lot less shit on her show. Literally. Dr. Oz—her in-house medical professional who was all too excited to talk poo with Ms. Winfrey—is getting his own show. [Yahoo!]

When we were growing up we seriously thought that everyone in our hometown of Independence, MO was skinny and had bad teeth because they were poor. We know better now. But why is meth so prevalent in some regions and not in others? [FlavorWire]

Wanting to not appear so poor ourselves, at 17 we lied to get a credit card. That was the beginning of our own personal financial hell. This pre-paid Discover card might have done us some good... and probably still could. [Lifestyler]

Speaking of us being poor, don't forget you can buy our Missed Tee for a mere $13. We get 10% of every sale, plus what's not to love about dogs humping legs? [MissedTees]

In the mean time, we'll follow Suze Orman on Twitter. [Twitter]

"I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against," Megan Fox tells June's Esquire, "but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault." [Us]

Related:

Megan Fox Strips to Underwear for Esquire, Fancy New Camera

Sloppy Seconds: We Can All Stop Worrying About Swine Flu Now

I Owe You a Good Leg Humping

[Image]

We F-ing Hate That There is F-ing Nude F-ing Hipster Grifter Sh*t We Can F-ing Get Behind

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 14:29:00 GMT

We know you're sick to death of hearing about Kari Farrell, the hipster grifter, who conned men out of money and Vice into giving her a job (and showed us her boobs). Well, either you're sick to death of hearing about her or you're wishing you would have gotten some from her, even if it meant she ran off with your money. If you're of the former mindset, you, like us, really don't want to see all of this damn hipster grifter paraphernalia. Unless you, like us, really like one of her tattoos and are thinking of getting one of your own and might try it out as a t-shirt for a while.

It's based on this tattoo, which Scanner Brian sent to us last week with the following comment: "You should totally steal that first image as your pre-jump Beard image." To which we replied "Um, I should totally get that tattoo!" We know. But still.

Related:

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Sloppy Seconds: Hand Jobs Involving the Mouth

Via Gawker.

Shirt of the Day: Girlfight

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:47:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: But... That girl isn't even wearing a shirt!!! I guess she didn't see this was available:

Read more...

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz Weighs in on the Taste of Breast Milk

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 23:51:00 GMT

If we were guys who were into girls, we don't think we could come up with anything more dreamy than going on a karaoke date with Drew Barrymore. Lucky Jason Segel. [Us]

Jennifer Aniston's "Marley and Me" outsold her ex Brad Pitt's "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" at the box office over the weekend, leaving us able to only mutter "nah nah nah nah boo boo." [FadedYouth]

We're actually sort-of surprised we haven't seen a VPILF (Vice President I'd Like to Fuck) shirt sooner. [LustyLady]

Speaking of Sarah Palin, Tina Fey has been voted the Associated Press' Entertainer of the Year. [AP]

According to a new study out of the UK women who wear a U.K. size 14 are happier in life than their smaller and larger counterparts. Considering a size 14 in the UK is a size 10 here, that sounds about right. Right? [Jezebel]

Websites may soon be given cinema-style ratings. If it actually happens, you might need to be accompanied by your parent next time you visit Scanner. Meh, who are we kidding? You'll probably need to be 18 to enter. [TimesOnline]

Pete Wentz (and his penis!) continue to keep it classy. He recently tried wife Ashlee Simpson's breast milk and found it to taste "weird" and "sour." [Strollerderby]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Paris Hilton Expands the Family Empire to Include Brothels

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 20:57:00 GMT

The plane crash that killed four people and left Travis Barker and DJ AM badly burned appears to have been good for the survivors' love lives. It's rumored that Barker is reunited with his ex Shana Moakler and now, apparently, DJ AM is back together with his old flame, Mandy More. [FadedYouth]

Guy Ritchie is apparently pissed at Madonna for putting their son Rocco in a Yankees t-shirt. (We hate the Yankees, too, Guy). [DailyIntel]

Miley Cyrus' boyfriend was a teenager once, too. Big woop. [Defamer]

Lindsay Lohan has been prematurely booted from "Ugly Betty.: But why? [Jossip]

Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen has been hospitalized with a "possibly life-threatening throat infection." [People]

Paris HIlton bought a London building she thinks used to be a pirate house, except, it was a brothel frequented by sailors. [MollyGood]

[Image]

Caption This: Spencer Pratt and His Stupid T-Shirt

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 20:14:00 GMT

[Image]

Boobs for Barack

Emily Farris — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:26:00 GMT

Because... why not? I've donated my modest chest space to Obama/Biden '08 but if you're not quite ready to put your money where your chest is (say, you work for a non-profit organization or you're the pastor of a church), you can be a little more, uh, general with one of these "LIBERAL" t-shirts; it's totally allowable to be liberal by 501(c)3 law. And, unlike my $30 Obama/Biden shirt which I had specially silk screened on American Apparel so it would look vintage, this can be yours for only $10.

Did we mention all of the money goes to Obama?

Straight from the website:

Liberals!
Support Barack Obama! Buy A $10 Shirt!
All Proceeds Go To Obama For America

Liberals, liberals. They're those latte-drinking, sushi-eating left-wing freakshows who are probably peeing on Jesus even as we speak. They're also responsible for almost all progress in the last hundred years, from women's suffrage to the Voting Rights Act to Medicare to environmentalism to Social Security. Odd, then, that you can call a Republican conservative and he'll take it with a smile, but call a Democrat liberal and he'll beg you for "centrist."

Let's take "liberal" back--in shirt form. Wearing this shirt says, "We're liberal, we're proud of it, and we're not going to let John McCain and Sarah Palin take the country any further in the appalling direction it's been going." (Let's note, too, that Palin's cruising along on the wings of a hard-fought social movement--feminism--that she and her cronies would've done anything to crush a generation ago... but I digress.) It truly is time for change, which is why all the proceeds from these shirts go directly to the Barack Obama campaign. Vote for change, good buddies. Now where's my latte...

All proceeds will be donated to the Obama-Biden campaign. Shirts are 100% Cotton made by Fruit of the Loom

All proceeds will be donated to the Obama campaign!

(each shirt costs us $4.15, the rest goes straight to Obama! We don't take a dime!)

Note: Shirts will begin shipping around October 10th via the good ol' USPS.

[BUY YOUR LIBERAL T-SHIRT HERE]

Motorcycle Party Features Screaming Orgasm Contest, Rampant Nudity

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:44:00 GMT

Back when we were alerting you to the triumphant success of the New Zealand Boobs on Bikes parade, we agreed with the readers that it wouldn't be long before a copycat event (or two) sprung up stateside.

It turned out one was coming up soon... and it's already been a success once before, as evidenced by these (nsfw!) photos...

Brooksville, FL has been hosting these rallies for years and have raised over $30,000 on behalf of various military organizations, including disabled veterans, via the local marine corps. This time, however, they want to break out the "Wet T-shirts, Screaming Orgasms, Pole Dancing" and, um, "Frozen T-Shirt Contests." Hmm. Also, judging by the photo below, there is some sort of stand where you can get booze that a woman runs over her breasts and is funneled through a maze of ice. Or something.

As far as these photos, we'll give up on explanations and let them speak for themselves:

"Mom... thanks for letting me come to the party with you, but... please!"

The 4th Annual Old School Biker Rodeo kicks off on Halloween day... unless the county commission has its way. According to the St. Petersburg Times, the Hernando County event is in jeopardy because, even though the event was permitted last year, the committee finally got around to checking out the organization's website and... whoops, yep, the above photos were all there, plus a helluva lot more. And it doesn't help that there are the aforementioned contests to consider, either.

Luckily, the same guy who arranged for Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie to appear at the event as part of a Simple Life 2 episode is filing an appeal... and he used to lead the commission. So, in other words, there's a good chance the event will go on as scheduled. Charity rules!

Top photo (from Boobs on Bikes) via China Daily, last photo via Flickr, story via Tampa Bay.

Related:

Boobs On Bikes Rides Again, Despite Violent Anti-Violence Protests

New Zealand Party Poopers Move To Shut Down "Boobs On Bikes" Parade

Bowling For Boobies: Where Was Our Invite, People?

John McCain Signs His Wife Up For Topless (And Sometimes Bottomless) Contest

Illinois: That's It, We've Had Enough Of Your Nude Midget Wrestling

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

Pervy Ex-Teacher In Ohio Gets Off... With Probation

Embrace the Moobs, Then Squeeze Them, Hard.

Emily Farris — Wed, 21 May 2008 20:18:00 GMT

Note to men with moobs (er, man boobs): your chances of getting laid are greatly increased by wearing this shirt.

"MILF Island" T-Shirt: 100% Cotton, 200% Irony

Bryan Christian — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:30:00 GMT

30 Rock's thorougly plausible gag reality show MILF Island has inspired a t-shirt, now available for purchase in the NBC online store. Were it a real show, we'd expect to see this shirt on hipsters, douchebags, and hipster douchebags, but since it's not actually a real show, we're expecting to see it on... Well, those guys. And also possibly us. What does that say?

[Thanks Sarah!]

News Flash: Date Rape Still Isn't Funny, And Neither is Your T-Shirt

Emily Farris — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:37:00 GMT

We're not sure which is more infuriating: this t-shirt or the fact that there's a smiling girl wearing it.

The "NO MEANS NO...well maybe if I'm drunk" t-shirt from the David and Goliath t-shirt company was pulled from their website after a bunch of people, including the bloggers over at Feministing, rightfully threw a fit about it. But if you visit the link where the shirt was originally for sale, you now get this.

Haha. Funny.

UPDATE: We're not sure how we missed this the first time, but David and Goliath is offering a special discount for their "friends" at Feministing.

[Shakesville: Stay Classy]

Hillary Clinton vs. [Bleep]

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:21:00 GMT

Poor Hillary Clinton. First, drinking coffee with friends leads to a nervous breakdown on national television. Then, she is humiliated further yesterday when her husband, the President of the United States, is challenged to a dance-off with Senator Obama on Dancing with the Stars.

But none of that compares to the news today that a new and potentially powerful grassroots organization has taken up arms against her, and they are about to do so in the most offensive way possible.

Roger Stone, a Republican operative and famed Nixon dirty trickster, infamous for once bribing a New York politician to throw the state's Presidential votes to Ronald Reagan in 1980, has started a new political group that will be much more controversial than John Kerry's nemeses the Swift Boat Vets. The group? Citizens United Not Timid. (Hint: the problem isn't the words...)

They'll be selling the summer's hottest t-shirts this year.

UPDATE: Here's a link to the official Citizens United page.

[Photo: Paul J. Richards, AFP/Getty Images]

Holiday Gift Guide: Threadless T-shirts

Michael Martin — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:30:00 GMT

I'm existentially tired of the same old T, so I was pleased to discover Threadless.com, a community-based tee-shirt company to which anyone can submit designs. (If it's good enough for Zach Braff, it's good enough to wrap, eh?) Graphics range from fey unicorns pooping marshmallows to amusing commentaries on the beef industry, love, and the communist party. Big spenders can give the "Threadless 12 Club," which will send your favorite hipster a fresh design every month. But hurry: their $10-a-tee holiday promotion ends tomorrow! Plus, once the limited-print shirts are gone, they're gone. (threadless.com) — Nicole Ankowski