Scanner : swimming

Sloppy Seconds: How Kanye West is Handling the Recession

Emily Farris — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:41:00 GMT

The nearly naked girl Michael Phelps has been spotted with his not his girlfriend. Mmmkay? [Us]

Another one (of our potential future husbands) bites the dust. Sam Talbot, ~~winner~~ runner up from Season 2 of Top Chef got married in a secret ceremony last month, further increasing my chances of becoming the Crazy Cat Lady. [People]

If you're selling pictures you took of Amy Winehouse smoking crack, it's possible you were also smoking (or selling) crack and might go to jail. [Radar]

What does Harvey Weinstein have to say about yesterday's Golden Globe nominations? [Vulture]

Just in time for us to go all batshit on it, Facebook is now totally legit! Donald Graham, chairman and chief executive of the Washington Post Co, has agreed to join the board of directors. [Yahoo!]

Kanye West is looking for an internship. No, not an intern, an internship. [FadedYouth]

White House officials turned down Barack Obama's request to move into The Blair House—where incoming presidents usually stay before inauguration—early so that his daughters, Sasha and Malia could start school on time. We hear the Red Roof Inn is really nice, though. [NYT]

[Image]

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Contemplate Tina Fey's Breasts

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 23:57:00 GMT

To be fair, we also thought a lot about her scar and the rest of her body....

Highs:

We made some new friends.

We found lots and lots and lots of bearded men. All in one place.

But we still love this one.

We found the one guy in the world who didn't know what a "boner" was.

Our faith in humanity may wain, but our faith in cute animals never will.

Yes, rockstar babies are beautiful.

Our dad, and old people in general, are really, really, really cute.

We finally got a little bit of LOST.

And learned the origins of Tina Fey's scar.

Apparently we can get an abortion for Christmas ("No, Dad. The $400 will keep me up to date with all my girl check ups for four years.)

Did you hear the one about Anderson Cooper and Michael Phelps getting in the pool together?

Dita Von Teese in German Playboy.

Scanner Matt did not get any beard hair in any of his three turkeys.

Lows:

The world, including Tina Fey, made a big deal out of the fact that she used to be "fat." But hey, she had some knockers.

We're pretty sure these creamy cum crepes are for real. Somebody pass the gizz juice!

Eliot Spitzer got a blog job and didn't even consider writing for us. Jerk.

Grossgrossgrossgross.

Image via vanityfair.com

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:37:00 GMT

For the ten millionth time in a row, research suggests being gay is not a choice.

Have you heard about the Day Without a Gay? No, it's not some Fred Phelps extraordinary rendition program, it's a pro-gay event on December 10th in which gay people will not participate in the economy.

Next Friday, possibly-gay Florida Governor Charlie Crist is getting married. So, in light of the recent statewide amendment banning same-sex marriage, pro-gay advocates are going to protest and possibly even invade the wedding itself.

We're surprised Michael Phelps went along with A Very Gay 60 Minutes, but he's always been, you know, a good sport. [Watch here]

Linda Harvey is a scary bitch:

"Males need to stop having homosexual sex," said Harvey. "That means, close homosexual hang-outs, especially all bathhouses. Patrol public parks and arrest men having sex in public toilets. Stop sponsoring large public events, like Folsom Street Fair, that allow public sex and nudity. Ignore the screams of the homosexual lobby when officials do the right thing, even for them. Think of the lives that would be saved and disability prevented." [G-A-Y]

If you're a church that financially supported Prop 8, you may be saying goodbye to your tax-exempt status. Yeah, like the government is going to fuck with the churches.

And don't forget Milk is out in theaters, getting excellent reviews.

This Week In Gayness: Rise Above The Hate

Top 3 Reasons "Twilight" Isn't Cool…or Sexy... or Worth Your $10

eHarmony, Let The Gays Begin!

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

While You Were Sleeping: The Latest On Hillary Clinton's Career Move

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:48:00 GMT

With the new Guns 'N Roses CD due at Best Buy stores on Sunday, Dr. Pepper wants to remind you of its promise for free sodas marking the album's release date.

Letterman and Couric trashed Keith Olbermann.

Does this mean there is going to be another Bourne movie?

Universal Pictures has made an overall deal with the estate of "The Bourne Identity" author Robert Ludlum that gives the studio exclusive rights to the Jason Bourne character and first look at other Ludlum novels. [Variety]

Barack Obama will name Hillary Clinton Secretary of State sometime after Thanksgiving, including to some leaking aides.

Cheerleader initiation rituals in Texas? Even scarier than you'd think: a gang of hooligan girls have been charged with binding and gagging junior varsity newbies and tosses them into a pool. What the hell was that supposed to prove? That they could drown for the cause? How could they not
prove that?

The Guy Ritchie-Madonna divorce heads to the courts today in London.

And as of 1:45 this morning, it seems that the latest news on current Attorney General Michael Mukasey is that he's "alert" and "conversant" following what, in our best guess with what little information we have, sounds like a possible stroke. Mukasey was giving a speech, during which he speech became slurred. Midway, he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital.

Related:

Caption This: Madonna the Grouch

Cornell Is Obsessed With Armpit Sex

Megan Fox Is So Hot Right Now, GQ Can Just Recycle Her Photos Every Month

But Of Course: Madonna's British Accent Explained

Sloppy Seconds: The Craigslist Crackdown on Hookers

Sam and Lilo Frolick on the Beach in Mexico

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:51:00 GMT

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson enjoyed a nice day at the beach in Mexico, where they played Scrabble, sucked on popcicles and laid around in their bikinis. Frankly, we're jealous.

More pictures of the sun, Scrabble and super-skinny-girl-filled day after the jump.

Related:

Samantha Ronson and Her Trusty Fingers Take Care of Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson Would Like You to Know What They Think of Sarah Palin

Sloppy Seconds: And Just How Will Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Make a Baby?

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Sam and Lilo Sittin' in a Tattoo Parlor... I.N.K.I.N.G.

[via Faded Youth]

It's Friday, And There's Just Too Much Good Stuff To Squeeze It All In

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 20:10:00 GMT

We're busy getting ready for the debate tonight... stocking our liquor cabinets, preparing pancakes, you know, the usual...

We don't have time to tell you all about the other amazing stories going on in the world right now. The stories that involve Sacha Baron Cohen's invasion of an Italian fashion show... Wonkette's most hilarious debate watch party drinking game... Johnny Cash's beyond-the-grave meditation on freedom... and much more...

But we'll give you a varrry nice taste...

Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno crashed the Iceberg show in Milan and walked the runway in that hilarious outfit. He was soon escorted out, but not before footage was captured for his totally ridonkulous new movie film... [Telegraph]

People Magazine released a beautiful and preachy recording of Johnny Cash reciting "I Am the Nation."

Fark has video of the first 1992 VP debate, which is apparently going to be somehow similar to this evening's Presidential battle. Meanwhile, Wonkette's drinking game for tonight is the greatest thing they've ever come up with.

A press report indicates the McCain campaign is in utter "chaos" following McCain's decision to suddenly fly to the site of the debate.

And a candidate for governor of Bangkok has pulled a McCain and suspended her electorial fight after her campaign manager drowned during a publicity stunt. The campaign manager was swimming in a canal with the candidate call attention to the area's unsafe drinking water when he began flailing his arms. TV cameras and onlookers assumed the worker was goofing off and didn't rush to help until after he had long since disappeared. The campaign manager, by the way, has a seven-months-pregnant wife. Damn.

That is all.

Borat Make New Movie Film For You!

Is Jessica Simpson Headed for a Life of Bad Clothes and TV Dinners?

McCain Sabotages His Own Attempt To Save The Nation

Which Candidate Spends More on Make-Up Than We Do On Shoes?

BREAKING: John McCain Suspends His Campaign

Howard Schatz Reminds Us How Much Steamier Sex Is Underwater

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 19:41:00 GMT

Fleshot has alerted us to photographer Howard Schatz's stunning collection of underwater nudes, which are now available on his website. Most of these were published in his celebrated 2007 book H20.

H20 is now exhibiting in Innsbruck, Montreal, and Louisville... but we present a grand tease of some of the finest shots we've come across...

To read more about Schatz and his show, check out his website here.

Scanner Highs And Lows: Michael Phelps Rules The Blog

Skinny Dip Sandwich Free To All Plungers

Video of the Day: Are the Olympics a Trap?

Secrets of Synchronized Swimming

The Whole World Would Get Naked In The Rain For Spencer Tunick

Skinny Dip Sandwich Free To All Plungers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:42:00 GMT

Three hungry people are in trouble with John Q. Law after taking a nude dive for a free "Skinny Dip Sandwich" outside the Greenville, Maine's Black Frog Restaurant...

Our first thoughts: They should probably call it the Jerk Chicken or the Pulled Pork Sandwich and include a Matzoh Ball soup...

Last weekend, three amigos in their 20s and 30s, two males and a female, in fact, entered the Black Frog and asked proprietor Leigh Turner if they could have the free Skinny Dip Sandwich. Turner told them, "Sure, just let me check with the 40 or 50 diners..."

Remarkably, they all said yes...

Of course, that never stopped party poopers like the Greenville Police, led by crusading Chief Scott MacMaster[bater!], who is making sure the trio get a court date next month. He said a lone family that just happened to be standing right right there

was offended and contacted police.

Whiners. They remind us of the one woman in Michigan or someplace who represented most of the complaints that led to all of Howard Stern's million-dollar fines. Hey Puritans-- suck on this NSFW!

...NSFW penises ahead!

Via WMTV.

Related:

Secrets of Synchronized Swimming

Here's A Promotional Idea: Park A Hot Tub Full Of Naked Women In Your Storefront Window

Teenagers Can't Even Go Swimming Without Facebook Anymore

While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

Michael Phelps Dresses... Up?

Who Would You Rather: Naked Olympic Swimmers Edition

When The Folks Are Away, New Hampshire Teens Party Naked

Who Would You Rather: Keeley Hazell or Sara Boberg?

While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:42:00 GMT

Wonderful: right as Michael Lohan is tearing his daughter's life apart, his father dies. Maybe Michael will reassess his values now that the guy had to go out right in the middle of an embarrassingly public family dispute.

We missed out on Michael Phelps giving swimming lessons at the Y.

Is David Duchovny having an affair of just trying to promote his show, Californication, with this latest shocking report?

David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction. [His reps] declined to elaborate further.
Duchovny plays a sex-obsessed character on the Showtime series...

In Other News:

John McCain will announce his VP today in a bad to take Obama down a notch after last night's historic speech.

Talk about historic: a man proposed to his lady at Mile High, right as Al Gore took the stage-- and Wonkette was sitting right behind them!

BREAKING: The RNC is considering delaying the start of the convention because of Hurricane Gustav... they don't want a reminder of Katrina hanging over their convention... Scott McClellan thinks this will allow Bush to blow off the convention unnoticed, since he is a political liability anyway... read more at the Washington Post.

By the way, this is the greatest post you'll read all day. Even if you don't agree with its politics, you'll certainly (we hope) agree that sicko religious zealots should be laughed out of stadiums everywhere:

Y'all remember the AP report of a "short video produced by Focus on the Family Action shows a man with an umbrella talking about his wish for rain as he stands in front of Invesco Field [before Obama spoke there]. The man in the video explains his desire for rain by saying he's against abortion and gay marriage and says he's "just an ordinary guy" who's looking for people to pray for rain?"

And y'all remember how hurricane Katrina was supposed to be God's punishment for New Orleans sinful ways?

So what will y'all think if next week's Republican Convention (yawn) is eclipsed by landfall in the US of not one but two hurricanes?

Y'all think there's a lesson in there somewhere? [End of post - Ed.]

A school district near Atlanta lost its accreditation, the first such case in 40 years, mainly for ethics violations by board members.

And Rupert Grint, who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potsmoker movies, is doing his first stripping/naked/sex scene-- or something like that. He's "stripping off for"

his first sex scene for Cherry Bomb and is excited about the flick.
'I loved the script,' he tells The Metro. 'It was quite a challenge.'

Getting naked is nothing, Rupert. Hell, Daniel Radcliffe does that every night. (PS: Hmmm... Cherry Bomb, you say? How can we be sure it's not some Virgin Teens Dot Com movie or something?)

Image via AOL.

Related:

Daniel Radcliff Is Not So Fond of Pants

Lily Allen and Kids From "Harry Potter" Form Youngest, Most Adorablest Love Triangle Ever!

Scully Wants Mulder To Die Masturbating in "X-Files 3"

Mick Jagger: "Performing is Like Sex"

Does Michael Phelps' New Girlfriend Wear Fins or Stilettos?

Michael Phelps Dresses... Up?

Who Would You Rather: Keeley Hazell or Sara Boberg?

Top 10 Places To Have Sex... This Week

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 15:19:00 GMT

Although the list on Playboy concentrates on the Top 10 Places To Have Sex Before You Die, we gotta say, "Why are you spreading these out over the rest of your life? You should do all ten of these this week."

Besides that, the Playboy list is kind of lame, with many obvious choices (and it begged the obvious #11 and #12 additions on Digg: "In the ass" and "in the boobeez.") We came up with our own list, which is based on experience...

10. On a kitchen table-- anybody remember Bull Durham? What about the scene in Fatal Attraction on the counter? You know why we remember these? Because they were fuckin' hot.

9. In a car... a moving car... that you're driving-- while we don't encourage this kind of behavior, it has apparently worked for several of our readers. And Charlie Sheen.

8. In a limo-- roll up that screen... unless you get off on the chauffer watching in the rearview mirror.

7. In the subway-- there's always a chance the train is going to stop in the next station and a top of up-all-night tourists are going to step into your previously deserted car. But that shouldn't stop anyone from having a quickie!

6. In an abandoned house-- not like a crack house or anything. (Although we're not against sex anywhere.) Do you have a kind of ghost town, such as the Salton Sea, near you? Drive out to a rundown motel and find a bizarre place to have sex-- a bizarre room to have sex in, that is, funny guy.

5. In the jacuzzi-- just don't let the other bed and breakfast guests catch you. Remember: it's hot when you do it, gross when someone else does it.

4. On the floor-- this would be obvious, except when there's a bed nearby, 99.9999% of the time, couples will choose the bed. Hey, live a little...

3. At a stadium event-- if you're at a Miley Cyrus concert, there are going to be so many teenagers getting it on, you won't even be given a second glance.

And, ah, what the hell... two we agree with from Playboy's list:

2. On the beach-- although if you haven't already done this, this should be your next one to try out: you have one more weekend of summer left, after all...

1. At the mile high club-- just make sure Ralph Fiennes isn't already lurking in the loo and this should be a good time.

How Young Is Too Young?

Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans Join The Mile High Club

Can I Have A Window Seat In The Non-Masturbating Section?

Sex on the Beach: In Dubai, That's 6 Years in Prison

Nine British Women In Beach Bust After Oral Sex Contest

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

Michael Phelps Dresses... Up?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 19:02:00 GMT

At least Michael Phelps doesn't exaggerate his athletic prowess.

It seems our very own swimming sensation is trying to steal some thunder from Germany's Olympians, Amanda Beard, and those twin hotties from Brazil with his very own decent exposure...

Of course, Phelps didn't pose for Playboy or any other publication. He certainly wasn't trying to perform a nude shoot for us, but that's basically what he did with the above swimwear "modeling." The below photo is just begging for a Caption This, so have at it...

Thanks to "profrobert" for the tip. We'll let him have the last word:

He wears it *up*? I know about "dressing left" and "dressing right," but "dressing up"? That looks so . . . uncomfortable.

Well, it could be a boner...

Photos via Mokers.org.

Related:

German Female Olympians Form Close Bond, Immediately Pose Nude For Playboy

Rhythm Gymnast Swizzles Her Ribbon All Over FHM Magazine

Who Would You Rather: Naked Olympic Swimmers Edition

Look Out! Olympic Swimmer Amanda Beard Is Naked Again...

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics

Secrets of Synchronized Swimming

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:46:00 GMT

Since we can't get super hot Brazilian synchronized swimmers Bia and Bianca Feres out of our heads--that their photo is on our desktop probably doesn't help--we're going to share this list of secrets of synchronized swimming with you.

It seems synchronized swimming is not as fruity as it looks. Actually it's quite difficult. As you read, keep in mind, Bia and Bianca do all of these things.

Examples include:

Synchronized swimmers can hold their breath underwater for 3 minutes.

They put Jello in their hair: Swimmers buy a package of regular Knox (a.k.a. unflavored Jello), mix it with water and then brush it on their hair before competition...The paste keeps the hair stiff and in place throughout competition. A shower in really hot water is the only way to break loose.

In synchronized swimming the athletes can follow along with the music because of underwater speakers.

These are all very interesting secrets, unfortunately none of them will help us land a synchronized swimmer. We are holding out for that list.

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part Two)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:29:00 GMT

Did you catch our hottest women of the Summer Olympics list? Here's part two... the guys...

By the way, we are going to go with almost all American athletes for this one just because it's been harder to find hot athlete dudes on the internet unless you can Google in other languages...

Andrew Campbell for Sailing:

Andrew Rosenthal, Volleyball

Brian McBride, Soccer

Raj Bhavsar, Gymnastics

And Alexander Despatie, the Canadian and world champion diver...

Via Cosmo and our own dirty minds. We welcome your suggestions for replacements or additions to this list in the comments...

See Previous: The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part One: The Females)

The 5 Hottest Men And 5 Hottest Women Of The 2008 Summer Olympics (Part One)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:59:00 GMT

Naaaah... Maria Sharapova's too obvious a choice, but enjoy this photo anyway

NBC wants you to have Olympic fever... after all, how many hundred million dollars have they spent just for the rights to telecast the games?

By that rationale, they'll need to keep people hooked... and there's nothing that'll hook an American audience like drooling over the world's finest athletic specimens...

First, the Females:

Until just the other day, Ana Ivanovic was the number one ranked women's tennis player in the world. Forget Sharapova, man...

Katerina Emmons from Czech Republic: Because there's nothing hotter than a woman with a sniper rifle.

Kelly Sotherton from Great Britain. She nabbed a Bronze in Athens and Jackie Joyner-Kersee sees her as a heavy favorite to win gold this time. We just want to marry her and seize the throne at Buckingham. (Maybe because she reminds us a little bit of Carla Bruni.)

Jenny Adams from the US. The 100m master did an FHM shoot, so we'll root for her on that alone (although we don't read FHM or anything... really.)

Stephanie Rice from Australia. Going through a well-publicized breakup has got to be a major distraction on the eve of the Beijing Games, but swimmer Stephanie is the world record holder in the 200 meter individual medley and should perform strong here.

Continued in Part Two: The Male Candidates.

Several pics via Webtv.

Look Out! Olympic Swimmer Amanda Beard Is Naked Again. This Time for PETA, Not Playboy

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 16:09:00 GMT

Gold medalist in the 200-meter breaststroke, Amanda Beard is no stranger to the nudie pic. She's posed for Playboy and FHM, but now, in Beijing of all places, she's put those gams to work for a good cause.

According to Beard's PETA ad below, she'd rather go naked than wear fur.

See, and the whole time we thought Beard would rather go naked, period. But, no, this is a protest, dudes. Not just another chance to show off her very impressive stomach muscles.

She unveiled the poster outside the Athlete's Village in Beijing because Amanda Beard is, like, a total activist for, in her words, "animals who don't have a voice."

Sure, there are Tibetans, Chinese journalists and writers who kind of don't have a voice, we guess, but if Beard protested against their persecution she'd have no reason to take her clothes off.

Does the Nude Beach Have Wireless Internet?

Emily Farris — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:54:00 GMT

Hey, New Yorkers. Did you know about the nude beach on the Jersey shore?

The New York Times calls Gunnison Beach one of the greatest kept secrets in the New York Metro area, and we have to agree. Who knew there was a nude beach so close to the city?

Round-trip tickets cost $43, and the trips are becoming so popular that weekend boats carrying up to 400 sometimes “max out,” and a later weekday homebound departure has just been added, said Heather Irvin, a SeaStreak spokeswoman.

The half-mile beach regularly attracts 5,000 sunbathers on a weekend, making it the most populous nude beach in the country, according to Friends of Gunnison, a group that self-polices the beach and runs charity events.

A yellow school bus providing free shuttle service is waiting at the ferry dock for the three-minute ride to the beach. Some of the day’s passengers disperse to “clothed areas” all along Sandy Hook. But Ms. Hu and Ms. Rosen, Mr. Thomas, Mike and Monica and others head for Gunnison, trudging past cautionary signs.

“Warning: Nude Bathers May Be Present on the Beach.”

And farther on, “Beyond This Point You Will Encounter Nude Sunbathers.”

Okay, but does it have wireless Internet? Because that could easily serve as our new office.

[NYT: Ferrying From Manhattan to Bare It All on the Beach]

Related:

But it's Always So Cold on Airplanes, Are Nude Flights Really a Good Idea?

Hey Ash, Long Time, No See (And Nice Tat!)

Swingers Vs. Nudists In Florida (Of Course)

Condo Board Solves Housing Crisis With Nude Pool

Your Daily Dose of Boobies: Lily Allen

Emily Farris — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:43:00 GMT

British pop star Lily Allen went for a swim without her top on. We just hope she put some sunscreen on those babies. We've had burned boobies before and it is no fun for anyone. NSFW pictures after the jump.

So is this what it's like to be British (if so, how do we join?) or does she have a new album coming out?

[Via Hollywood Tuna]