Scanner : sweden

New Mom Dropped By Insurer For Being Slightly Overweight

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:04:00 GMT

The insurance company worried that it would have to take care of children like the ones picture above, based on no evidence other than the mother they were carrying tipped the scales at over 200 pounds.

Anna Holten is a 26-year-old Swedish woman. She stands at about 5' 4" (169cm) and weighs about 220 pounds (100 kg), giving her a BMI of 35. Apparently, this was too much for her insurance company, which dropped her to great public controversy...

Upon learning of her rejection, Holten contacted the Trygg-Hansa risk analyst to explain that she was still trying to work off the weight she gained while pregnant.

“You should have lost the weight by now,” the analyst told her.

According to Trygg-Hansa product manager Björn Sporrong, people with a BMI of 35 are “extremely overweight” and right at his company’s limit for granting coverage.

“Exceedingly overweight people run a significantly higher risk for suffering from many serious diseases,” he told Expressen.

Trygg-Hansa spokesperson Malou Sjörin concurred.

“Even if you’re not sick today, you can be in the future,” Sjörin told the Metro newspaper.

These people wouldn't be able to find anyone to insure if they moved to America-- 220 pounds at 5' 4" is barely considered "overweight" in some states. But that doesn't mean they were wrong to drop Ms. Holden, mother of a seven-month-old baby... or does it?

Via the Local.

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:09:00 GMT

Great news, everybody, swine flu has not affected The Real World: Cancun.

This time, Sean Penn is the one to file for a separation.

A high school marching band member fended off a robber with her baton.

Check out the senior citizen sisters' heroin operation.

A teen prostitute in Sweden claims she was forced to have sex with over 500 men.

Elizabeth Edwards says her husband John should not have run for President a second time, especially after that whole idiotic affair fiasco thing.

A FEMA coloring book features a 9/11 image.

David Blaine is teaching Mia Farrow how to starve herself for publicity.

And Kelly McGillis came out of the closet.

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Strip Show

While You Were Sleeping: Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape Is Inspiring to Young Girls?

Sloppy Seconds: Michelle Obama Does the Unthinkable

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:41:00 GMT

MSNBC has finally discovered fuck buddies. And that college students have them. [MSNBC]

Will items off of the Chipotle value menu have fewer calories? We sure hope so. [Yahoo!]

We always wonder why people who spend lots of money to have signs, boxes, etc. printed don't get copy editors. An Oregon company probably could have used one before printing a phone sex number on their cereal box. [Google/AP]

Starting next month, same-sex couples can be legally married in Sweden. [BBC]

More "celebrities" blogging about their relationship woes. Meh. [People]

Madonna is already celebrating the adoption of a child she has not yet officially adopted. [Us]

A man in China swallowed a pair of scissors. And survived! [Telegraph]

For the first time in 57 years, the Queen of England publicly hugged someone (sort-of). And that someone was Michelle Obama. And then Obama hugged the Queen back (sort-of)! Apparently, this is a big deal. [DailyMail]

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Coke Ad Offends the Entire Country of Sweden

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 19:33:00 GMT

Maybe we're being extra sensitive coming off the Bust Party last night, but sexism is definitely making a comeback on this Friday afternoon.

First, there was the 6 Tips on Cheating With Multiple Girlfriends list link. Then comes word that Sweden-- as a whole-- is fed up with Coca-Cola's sexist ads. We wish they would take on all sexist advertising while they're at it...

Here's the ad that has the country in an uproar:

According to the Local, Sweden's must-read (online!) newspaper, ad agency watchdogs in the great European nation have attacked Coke for treating women as "purely sex objects."

But what offended the person who filed the complaint was the fact that, if a number of questions posed on the website are answered in a certain way, the woman is suddenly standing near a bed wearing only a bra and panties.

While Coca-Cola chose not to comment on that specific aspect of the internet ad campaign, it explained that the website was supposed to create an image of how life should be.

So, Coke thinks life should involve stripper harems, dishonest breakups, superficial relationships, and "diet" soda that tastes like pond water? Oh, and did Coke happen to see this post, which we linked to this morning? Wonder what they think of that kind of "life."

Via the Local.

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While You Were Sleeping: Principal Walks In At The Wrong Moment

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Rush Limbaugh is at it again: he's predicting Ted Kennedy is going to die soon.

This cat amuses the bejesus out of our stupid asses.

M.I.A. denied naming her baby Ickitt... but hasn't convinced us of this yet because she won't say what she did name the lil' thang.

Questions remain: will Specter switch to the Democrats? Will Howard Dean join the Cabinet? And is Al Franken ever going to be named Senator?

Moby says what we're all thinking: the weather is too harsh up here in the winter and it's time to migrate elsewhere... at least from October through May.

Wanna be Bruce Lee?

Live in Sweden and want to hire a teenage babysitter? You might reconsider that after reading this.

Rihanna is trying to focus on "new music," which is easy when your boyfriend/husband is busy with the trial for beating you up, spends his nights drinking illegally, and has a soon-to-be-condemned album of his own to work on.

And a school principal in Arizona is gouging his eyes out after walking in a student getting it on with a teacher.

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While You Were Sleeping: Oscar Upsets?

While You Were Sleeping: Another American Cheater Unveiled

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Bill Gates wants rich people to feel the pain, so he unleashed mosquitoes on them. Really.

"The Impaler," a self-described "Vampyre" who ran for Governor of Minnesota in '06 as the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans party (wha?) candidate, has been arrested for harassing his 16-year-old "vampyre hunter" ex-girlfriend.

Female bloggers in Sweden are fending off a company that's trying to bribe them with "beauty treatments." We'll take some!

Fuck Ticketmaster. Nobody can get Springsteen tickets, and now they want to form a monopoly?

Apparently, New York magazine has great success with linking its readers with its own hooker ads.

There's a new President, the world is constantly moving forward, but as usual, Georgia wants to crawl back into America's Puritan womb.

Kids are hanging themselves in school.

Michael Phelps may end up getting charged with drug possession or some other bong-incident-related offense.

And we always knew Barry Bonds was a cheater, but now we can prove it.

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While You Were Sleeping: Adopt George Clooney

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:23:00 GMT

Let's just start the rumors here: Katie Holmes is not pregnant.

Singapore was stunned to experience the sight of an entirely-nude couple walking through the city for fifteen minutes. In New York, this wouldn't even get reported on Fox, but in a conservative place like Singapore...

In Sweden, if you're a teacher and don't like what a bunch of young ladies are saying about you on their blog, you can file a complaint against them. Boo hoo.

The great filmmaker Tom DiCillo is doing a documentary on The Doors that appears to have some incredible lost footage of the band.

It's the classic case of teach the kids to shoplift, take them shoplifting, leave the kids at the scene of the shoplifting. We've seen it all before.

We understand that there was discrimination involved, but why would anyone want to work at the Hawaiian Tropic Zone bikini bar anyway?

George Clooney, who will appear on the final episode of ER, would like you to adopt him.

And our headline of the day: "Pub Line bus service could become mobile bar for Fairbanks patrons."

Today In Headlines We Weren't Expecting

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Why Are Playmobil Playsets So Damned Crazy?

Sloppy Seconds: Evan Rachel Wood Goes There, We Lose Our Lunch

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 23:07:00 GMT

Novelist John Updike is dead at 76. [AFP]

Don Draper on 30 Rock is going to give us serious sensory overload, and we're going to like it! Here's a preview: [Vulture]

Perv alert! Naked Broadway star ~~Harry Potter~~ Daniel Radcliffe invited Sasha and Malia Obama to "Hogwarts." We've not read Harry Potter so that probably sounds a lot dirtier and more grown up than it really is. [People]

Bill O'Reilly called Jessica Alba "dumb" and she did not like it. Not one bit. [Us]

News flash: Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement (from "Flight of the Conchords" for those of you who live in a cave) are not poor in real life. Did we really need a news story to tell us that? Um, apparently, we did. [Yahoo!]

21-year-old Evan Rachel Wood was spotted making out with her 56-year-old on-screen dad Mickey Rourke last night. Gag us with a lock of his greasy hair! [FOXNews]

Not All Swedes Are Hot

Colleen Kane — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 16:20:00 GMT

You might not want to believe it, but evidence has just emerged indicating that Sweden did have some fuggs in the 1970s. As punishment for their genetic failure, these outcasts were put in dance bands and forced to dress alike in Technicolor Spandex versions of high-school band uniforms.

Let's take a look at some more!

These guys are a close-knit group. But there's a reason (moose knuckle) they put old Beardy Svensson in the front there.

This one was started by Kenny Rogers fanatics.

And here we have HiCK, starring: The Hick.

You know who I'm talking about.

Just note the band name for this next one.

I also took the liberty of creating a Swedish Dance Band Supergroup. They are called SuperSvenska. Here's the lineup:

Bengt

Someone's hippy dad, Far

Andreas, the ego of the operation

This guy, who I like to call LOLsson

And don't forget The Swedish Hick.

See the whole treasure trove at Yemii Pics.

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While You Were Sleeping: Scores Strikes Out

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:51:00 GMT

Here's a new one: a guy caught jerking off near a couple of teenage girls says he was only giving himself "a groin massage." Bonus quote: "I haven't had an erection in the last ten years."

Here's another excuse for you: "Honey, I have to leave the toilet seat up, lest it fall on our young son's penis."

The Arcade Fire may be preparing to release a DVD.

Sherman Alexie's book "The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian," a well-deserved National Book Award Winner, has been banned in an Oregon school after one parent complained. Their issue with the book?

[Hank] Moss, reached today by The Oregonian, said the book includes "a reference about masturbation, and that it's ok and no big deal." He added that he felt it was "inappropriate."

Hey, Hank! Find us any book taught at a high school in the United States and we'll find something in it that you'd find "inappropriate." Let me guess, you think the Bible is an "appropriate" book for children?

We hope she rots in the hell her victims believe in: a woman used her four-year-old daughter as bait to rip off generous churches.

Scores may blame the failing New York economy on its recent decision to shut down, but it also have avoided letting prostitutes do business inside its walls.

Jeremy Piven lost Barack Obama's phone number. How come, in an age where cell phones snyc to computers and all computers have address books, people still lose phone numbers?

And the original Luke Skywalker light saber went for $240,000.

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Scanner Highs and Lows: So Long, Good Luck, and Pass the Turkey

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:22:00 GMT

This week, we said goodbye to Scanner Nicole... and a few turkeys, most of which were killed by Sarah Palin's henchmen.

HIGHS:

Newsflash: Kim Cattrall looks great naked. Seriously, though, she's 52.

Nerve hosted another Hendricks Gin party, this time in San Francisco.

Maybe this turkey death story will scare a few people into becoming vegetarians.

Sweden is unintentionally funny.

There's still time for you to win a signed Elton John DVD.

And you can play "Guess The Stache: Democrat or Porn Star?" till the end of time.

LOWS:

Nicole left us, but like the musical career of Jay-Z, she'll be back someday...

Won't someone think of the Gyllenhaal children?

We'll have to think of a Dexter-worthy vigilante justice for upskirt photographers. You know, minus the whole killing and dismembering part of Dexter.

Speaking of pervs, they're lurking outside your local liquor store these days.

Joe the Plumber may never go away.

Oh boy... more turkey death.

Newsflash #2: Chipotle is fattening.

And all the celebrities seem to be getting married behind our backs. Not only are they not inviting us and paying for our airfare, they're not exploiting their own love lives for professional gain anymore!

Today in Sweden: Teen Sex For Booze On The Rise

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:40:00 GMT

The percentage of people trading sex for booze is on the rise in the U.S. and Canada, especially among former Brady Bunch stars.

Now a truly oblivious police department in Sweden wants to warn teens about trading sex for booze... as some guys would like to have sex with you in exchange for the booze. Thank you, Lieutenant Obvious...

Police in Stockholm, Sweden are concerned about what they perceive to be a rise in teenage girls offering their bodies to creepy men who are lurking outside liquor stores, hoping teenage girls will offer up their bodies. Police also say these teens are arranging sex by-- breaking news, people!-- text messages and a newfangled invention called the internet, which is apparently a ripoff of the Bulletin Board System.

Seriously, these cops are freaking out over one case in which a guy convicted of sexual harassment and for possessing child pornography bought three sixteen-year-old girls a stockpile of liquor and then brought them back to their place. No word on whether these teenagers (who were dumb enough to not rip the guy off and just take off running with their booze) were molested, but no matter...

Word to Swedish police: this practice has been going on since the advent of moonshine, and probably even before that. Telling teenagers not to do something only encourages them-- you should instead put up posters of very hairy older men saying, "Yes, we'd love to buy you a six pack... but you'll have to spend an hour in my World of Warcraft sex dungeon first." That should take care of the problem right quick...

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Do You Want To Watch Weird Swedes Put On Condoms?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Full-blown sexual mania has descended over the great country of Sweden, and with it, those who fear honesty and openness in our society have swooped in to muck things up for the rest of us.

According to The Local, our favorite daily news source in the entire world (since it's chock full of sex-- even more obsessed with it than The Sun), a public transit ad asking "Do you want to see us put on a condom?" has been banned because it made whiny old geezers uncomfortable. Or something. The ad

is part of a campaign for UMO.se, a new web-based helpline for young people.

[It] features two young men and provides a text messaging code which allows people to download a short film featuring a tongue in cheek demonstration of how to put on a condom.

According to Västtrafik, the ad has been banned because it could be considered offensive, reports the newspaper Metro.

Wait, because it could be considered offensive? No one actually complained? It was just you, wasn't it, Vasttrafik, you closeted virgin. Or maybe... closeted homosexual. After all, the ad featured two men (see above/top right photo) and not the now-approved followup ad, featuring only a female, who asks, "Do you want to see me do something I like?"

Yes, but it also involves a condom...

Via The Local.

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Now Sweden Has Its Very Own Orgasm Church

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:46:00 GMT

A Swedish court handed down a decision last week acknowledging that The Madonna of Orgasm Church (the other Madonna) had a right to registration as a faith organization, which, according to news reports, is some sort of slap in the face to Christians...

Originally, the Legal, Financial and Administrative Services Agency (Kammarkollegiet) had refused the church’s registration application on the grounds that its name may offend Christians.

What, because of the word Madonna? Man, those freaks need to get over themselves.

According to the Skånska Dagbladet newspaper, the idea for the church came to Bebeacua, who is the church’s self-appointed cardinal, after a painting of his entitled 'The Madonna of Orgasm' sparked protests requiring police action during the 1992 World’s Fair in Seville, Spain.

“The orgasm is God, the orgasm should be worshiped,” Bebeacua told the Kvällsposten newspaper.

“The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’”

Bebeacua says his church has a few hundred followers, but we beg to differ: it's more like hundreds of millions, all of whom would probably welcome climaxing via landscape, if only we could figure out how the hell that's going to happen...

Via the Local.

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Bestiality Bust Is Our Favorite Swedish Sex Story Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:40:00 GMT

We know Scanner Emily mentioned this yesterday, but it's way to good not to blog about in full.

A 45-year-old father of two was exposed by the Swedish newspaper the Expressen for running a bestiality ring that allegedly includes thirty members. But it's not the sex ring or the fact that a newspaper was the one to blow the lid off this thing (instead of the cops, that is) that caused us to sit up and drop our bagels...

Daddy who, thank God, is not married to the mother of those poor children of his, is a farmer (surprise) who owns dogs, horses, and an internet forum for bestiality lovers. Whoops. Somehow, the Expressen managed to infiltrate his underground harem and, after what must have been an unbearable couple of months, confronted the guy, who remains nameless-- because, well, you'll see...

But the man was quick to defend his relations with a bitch he bought online from a city-dwelling family who said they wanted the dog to have a better life in the countryside.

"Any of the times I did anything with her she was the one who backed into me and provoked it. She was in heat and made herself available. There were also times later when she didn't want to and then I backed out immediately," he told Expressen.

Now you see why we love this story? Who the hell does this guy think he is, with the "she seduced me" argument? Oh, right, he's a leader of a large bestiality ring in Sweden. Got it.

It gets worse/better, depending on how much you're sickened or appreciating this insanity? The Expressen's investigator was forced to sit through a regular group meeting, for which members brought a variety of animals to show off, as well as video recordings of their pets in... never mind. Barf.

By the way, the reason we, the Local, and the Expressen cannot name this name? No, it's not because he's innocent until proven guilty-- he's completely innocent, at least in the eyes of the law, since Sweden has no law against bestiality.

"Is it, and should it be, legal to spread something on the genitalia that might smell or taste nice to a dog, in order to allow the dog to lick off whatever is spread on the genitalia?

"Should it be permitted to stroke a bitch's teats with love, or should it be classified as animal sexual abuse?" the minister wondered. [The Local]

Dude, that's the Minister of Agriculture talking. And you thought Sweden was awesome...

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Swedish Hockey Fans Bombard Player With Dildo Parade

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:01:00 GMT

And you thought Boston Bruins fans were brutal.

This 34-year-old Swedish hockey star now has another reason to regret the release of his own sex tape: opposing teams capitalizing on it and bombarding him with one of the tape's most prominent props...

The rundown: After player Jan Hukko had his cell phone stolen, a sex tape which had been on the phone's memory was uploaded to the internet. Then Hukko returned to play a game against his former team, AIK... and things took a bizarre turn, according to The Local:

Ahead of Tuesday’s match against Leksand, the website for AIK’s unofficial supporter group had instructed fans to bring dildos to the match to remind Huokko of the sex scandal which plagued him earlier in the year, according to the Expressen newspaper.

But back in June, Huokko’s reputation for “scoring” took on a different twist when a sexually-charged video clip featuring the 34-year-old blueliner and his girlfriend ended up on the internet.

These photos from the event say it all: dildos thrown on the ice, a giant inflatable penis (ah, we've seen bigger), and a nasty banner met Hukko upon arrival.

Big surprise: Hukko's team lost the game, 3-2.

Via The Local.

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When Swedish Doctors Go Down: The Upside Of A Kidney Infection

Ina Maier — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:53:00 GMT

A 44-year-old doctor in Stockholm (Those swedes! They're at it again...) is set to lose his license after preforming oral sex on a male patient. Apparently, the patient -- a young man -- developed an erection while being examined for kidney problems. And the doctor decided he needed some, well, sexual healing. So, what exactly went wrong?

Well, that's what we can't seem to figure out! The Swedish paper (Dagens Medicin) reports that whatever technique the doctor used "[caused] the patient to ejaculate," and that's when the patient had a sudden change of heart. And while we're not judging, it's this last part that has us so very intrigued...

The patient immediately regretted what had happened and received assistance from staff after he emerged from the doctor's treatment room...

That must've been a heck of a blowjob! (We're just sayin')

And lastly: Swedish Doctors! Not afraid to be service-y.

via The Local.

Photo via.

And You Thought Swedish Women Only Made the News for Wearing Bikinis

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:12:00 GMT

These crazy Swedish twins don't even need to take their clothes off or have sex with each other to go wild...

The video of these two nut-jobs running maniacally into traffic three times is the most insane thing we've seen in a while. The ladies make Amy Winehouse look like Princess Di.

Swedish Boarding School Initiates Sex Games For New Students

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 17:22:00 GMT

Have we mentioned how much we love Sweden? First, many of its young ladies enjoy having sex with one another. It's also in Europe, somewhere, so that's helpful.

Seriously, this new story from Sweden, which involves boarding school students, sex games, bananas, and chocolate make take the, um, cake...

It seems that for the new autumn semester of Riksbasket Gymnasiet, a boarding school for students who are more focused on basketball than school books, the new students got a welcoming party they hadn't bargained for.

“In one game boys had their upper bodies covered in chocolate and the girls had to lick it off,” said Ewa Lundström, principle for sports high schools in Luleå, to Sveriges Radio.
“In another game the girls were lying on the floor with a banana in their mouth while the boys did pushups on top of them and ate the bananas,” said Lundström.

Of course, school officials are ruining all the fun by launching a full investigation into the serious, serious matter. Students, meanwhile, are probably realizing that they need to tighten the ranks to the most trustworthy friends, who aren't likely to snitch, and then at least try to get more creative about their initiation methods.

We recommend ice cubes on a hot day, a la Do The Right Thing.

Via The Local.

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Swedish Prostitutes Complain: "We Wanna Pay Taxes, Too!"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 14:58:00 GMT

In an announcement sure to explode the heads of Rush Limbaugh-John McCains everywhere, people in other countries are so happy with the government and its system of sick pay, family leave, and pensions. More importantly, it's the prostitutes that are all gung ho to shell out for those benefits...

While it remains against the law to purchase sex in Sweden, selling sex is perfectly legal according to Sweden’s unique prostitution law, which came into force in 1999.

These laws are crazier than New York's... or Texas's...

Income recorded on prostitutes’ tax returns gives them the right to sick-leave pay, parental leave benefits, and a pension.

“It’s important to pay taxes if you want to live a normal life,” said ‘Lisa’, a prostitute who spoke with the newspaper.

But Christian Democrat Riksdag member Désirée Pethrus Engström thinks that legitimizing prostitution by collecting taxes on the proceeds sends the wrong message.

Dude, it's already legal... man, some people will do anything to get other people out of paying taxes. Wake up, conservatives! Some people aren't looking forward to apocalyptic anarchy when you drown government in the bathtub... like these ladies:

Via The Local.

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Swedes Get High On Nutmeg, End Up In Hospital For Cake Overload...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:20:00 GMT

We want to thank the Freakonomics blog for informing us that we can actually get high on nutmeg... although the hospitalization part that happened to these Swedish magazine readers is not really part of our agenda this weekend...

Tens of thousands of copies of a Swedish food magazine have been recalled this week after an error in an apple cake recipe sent four of its readers to the hospital with nutmeg poisoning.

The recipe should have called for two pinches of nutmeg. Instead, the magazine went to press telling chefs to use 20 whole nutmeg nuts. That was enough nutmeg for at least four adults to seek medical help for headaches and dizziness.

In large doses, nutmeg is a mild hallucinogen.

Mild or otherwise, it's better than the stuff the guy in 3B has been leaving in our mailbox...

"There was a mistake in a recipe for apple cake..." Matmagasinet's chief editor Ulla Cocke told Agence France-Presse. [ABC News]

Although we're pretty sure none of our readers subscribe, just be warned: the name of the magazine is Matmagsinet.... However, should anyone want to fix us up an LSD cake, as accidentally recommended here, we accept deliveries at the Nerve address all day...

via Freakonomics.

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Swedish Crossbowoman Misses Out On '08 Olympics, But Moonlights Nude Anyway

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:32:00 GMT

Even though crossbow will not be an Olympic sport until 2012, Swedish team member Sara Boberg decided not to wait four years to engage in the Games' seemingly integral moonlighting activity: posing naked...

We'd have had a huge crush on this lovely lass, even if we had seen the above photo without the below ones, which we're guessing were leaked by a vengeful ex...

Images via various blogs. More photos here.

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Sloppy Seconds: Hillary Clinton's Latest Theory

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Women in Nigeria are walking naked in the streets to protest the questionable circumstances surrounding a monarch's death.

Two wrestlers from the University of Nebraska are under investigation after it was reported they are both gay porn stars.

Some dudes in Sweden have lodged formal complaints against pharmacies that sell sex toys, complaining that most of these shops discriminate against men with their female-focused stock. Wait, they have sex toys in pharamacies over there? Hell, you can't even buy Plan B at pharmacies in the States!

Did John McCain copy his speech today from Wikipedia?

Salma Hayek is planning a wedding reality show. Judging by how few people cared about our post about her singledom, the show should do real fine...

Selma Blair thinks Americans are deluded.

Hillary's team's 845th theory as to why they lost: the media's lack of investigation into the Edwards affair rumors when they first surfaced.

And Daniel Craig may be getting married. Although since when does a man buying champagne mean he's getting married and not a very lucky, soon-to-be-drunk friend?

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Brad and Angelina and the French Brawl

Sloppy Seconds: It's Friday And Salma Hayek Is Single

Top 10 Things Younger Than John McCain

The Media Thinks It's Finally Figured Out Why Hillary Lost (Hint: It's Not The Media)

Scanner Highs And Lows: Sweden Or Sexism?

16 Year Old Boy Figures Out How To Rip Off Sex Offenders, Get Rich

Scanner Highs And Lows: Sweden Or Sexism?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:44:00 GMT

Scanner was inundated with bad craziness, sexism, hedonism, and Sweden-ism this week... and you enjoyed every minute of it, sweetness...

HIGHS:

We learned that Swedish girls like to have sex with each other. See also above.

We applauded a boy in Sweden who got revenge on perverts by ripping them off and getting busted for it.

We found a great handjob. Unfortunately, it does not involve Swedes.

We talked about hot Olympians, then we stared at one of them naked. (For the last time, no, she is not from Sweden.)

We found an excuse to use our favorite photo of Amanda Peet. Although it can't top this one of Eva Mendes.

Robert Downey, Jr., we learned, is a very patient mofo.

Meet us in St. Louis next year.

LOWS:

A sex blogger got busted for sex writing on her sex site. We cringed, then we shivered, and finally we changed our names and went underground.

Jim Beam's ad featuring ogled Swedish girls was banned in Australia. Good riddance.

We found this list of 10 Songs To Strip To sorely lacking. (There's an STD joke here, but we're out of time...)

John Edwards admitted he has no chance of being Vice President now.

We never found out who looks best in a bikini, but that's okay, we have friends outside of here.

And mutiny and chaos descended on Scanner over this post.

Jim Beam Peeping Tom Ad Too Naughty, Even For Australia

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 18:32:00 GMT

Man... Jim Beam thinks he can go on over to Australia, where no one shaves any part of their body and topless whores fornicate with eight-year-old cigar-chomping schoolboys in broad daylight, and just ram their arrogant American pseudo-comedy down the (deep) throats of the TV-viewing public.

Well, they got another thing comin'...

According to Food Week, this is the least offensive ad of the campaign:

The bourbon maker's campaign, The Neighbours, includes TV and internet ads showing two blondes in G-strings applying sunscreen, bouncing on a trampoline and finally stripping naked as they're watched through a hedge by "Stevo next door" and his mates.

A 30-second TV version, first shown on Fox Sports, features one semi-naked women stating: "We say, Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, take off your cozzie." Viewers are then directed to a website with a longer ad in which the women are spied on as they undress.

The camera zooms in on their breasts and backsides before ending with a close-up of one topless woman washing dishes at the kitchen sink.

Australian cultural critics and consumer advocates have attacked the campaign for making light of stalking and perverted peeping, and quite rightly. Jim took down his ads and removed them from every available source-- except YouTube, where we found the above video, untouched (for now.) It may remain there, since it seems relatively harmless... and pointless. The Brisbane Times has a screenshot of the video, but it tells us nothing. If anyone locates an embeddable copy or even a link to the complete 30-second spot, please send and we'll update this.

Via Food Week.

16 Year Old Boy Figures Out How To Rip Off Sex Offenders, Get Rich

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:09:00 GMT

A teenage boy in Sweden has it all figured out: he can make a quick killing ripping off online perverts utilizing the same methods cops use to bust predators: posing as a gateway to underage girls.

Except sometimes dumb people actually report him to the police...

1) The boy advertised the services of young women, who would pose for paying customers on webcams should the customers fork over their bank accounts and, for no apparent reason, their access codes. Unsurprisingly, there were plenty of idiots who actually agreed.

2) Here's the best part: the unnamed boy then decided to double-punk their punk asses, writing from a separate account that he was a police investigator and that there had been some suspicious, sex offense-related activity on each customer's account. The customer was then asked to once again hand over his (or her?) bank info-- again, with the access code-- so the "investigator" could check for nefarious activity. Why anyone at this point would not have learned to not hand over their info, we'll never understand. Why ever would anyone give someone they think is a cop, who e-mails them, their bank info so a cop can go and confirm that, yes, they have paid for underage girls to strip for them... well, that's just beyond us. (Perhaps they thought the girls were really 18? Even so: idiots.)

3) The boy makes off, this time, with about ten grand U.S. from his devoted fanbase.

4) We're not sure how it happened, but somebody must have tipped the police off, again risking their own arrest ("Hello, headquarters? Yeah, you're gonna love this... got a guy here who says he was trying to buy a subscription to a website that claims to have underage girls doing live peep shows. His money was taken by some kid who's laughing his ass off with me now. What do you wanna do with him? No, not that kid... the guy who got caught trying to watch underage strip shows?")

5) Anyway, the kid got 80 hours of community service even though he was convicted on ten counts of fraud. We're guessing the judge secretly wanted to just pat him on the back and turn him loose...

Via The Local.

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Boob Watch: Swedish Topless Crusaders Still At It

Bryan Christian — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 18:01:00 GMT

Jeez Louise, we are all for boobs getting free of their restraints -- whereever in the world -- but seriously, haven't these gals Ragnhild and Kristin been shoving their ta-tas in everyone's faces enough? We've written about them twice before, and dammit, we're gettin' a little sick of them. Yes, we know, they're incrementally securing the right to show your young female body in the Orwellian nightmare that is Sweden, and now they're inspiring other girls to do the same in The Netherlands. But can someone just, like, wake us up when R & K are leading a band of naked victorious nymphets across the Atlantic Ocean or something?

[img and copy via]

Swedish Controversy Makes Us Feel Young Again.

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Want to know why this insignia has some Swedish undies in knots? We'll give you one guess.

PENIS!

This is pretty much just a gift from God in the form of a Swedish newspaper article:

Sweden's chief heraldists remain dissatisfied with a decision by the Nordic Battlegroup to remove a lion's penis depicted on its coat of arms.

But staff at the National Archives are hopeful that the Nordic Battlegroup will reconsider its position and re-erect the lion's member on its insignia.

Seriously? Seriously. Yes! And there is more discussion of the insignia and its penis:

The heraldry unit would have no qualms about making alterations to the original image if requested to do so by the military.

"We could make the dimensions a bit smaller, for example. Once we were commissioned to create a similar symbol for Swedish Customs. When they thought it was a bit much they sent it back to us and we just shrank the organ," said Klackenberg.

See, you didn't realize this was a problem, and now you are so much more aware and enlightened. You're welcome.

Unrestrained Boobs Get the OK in Uppsala, Sweden

Bryan Christian — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:10:00 GMT

Not that we can actually remember first writing about it way back in September, but there's a happy ending to the story of Ragnhild and Kristin, two Swedish sunbathers who were fighting for the right to show everyone their boobs. Hang on: if you hate boobs, it's a sad ending. Also -- what the hell are you doing here?

A swimming pool in northern Sweden has said it will allow women to bathe topless, following a campaign by feminists.

A spokesman for the pool, part of Sundsvall's municipal leisure centre, said that employees there had decided they would not act if women tried to bathe semi-naked.

[...]

"This is positive," said group member Ragnhild Karlsson to news agency TT.

We were concerned for a while there, since the argument by the girls and the Bara Bröst network, their protest organization, hinged on the potentially calamitous supposition that if men could go without tops, so should the women -- meaning that in a worst case scenario, every dude in Uppsala's swimming pools would have had to wear... what? Old-timey swimming cos-tewmes? Anyway, bullet dodged, problems solved, and boobs unleashed -- and all in the name of equality. The glorious revolution marches on!

[Via Sugiero]