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While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil In Trouble Again

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:54:00 GMT

Who cares if it makes us sound like a two-year-old: we can't stop shouting "I want! I want! I want!" when we watch this video about Tweenbots.

It was the biggest Easter box-office of all time, thanks to Hannah Montana topping that dumb car race movie.

First, gay marriage and now sexting will be legal in Vermont?

A good way to figure out how to meet people is to find out how other people are meeting people.

Blake Fielder-Civil apparently knocked up his mistress.

This photo of a woman getting chewed on by a polar bear is scary and one of the strangest we've ever seen in a major news story.

It took long enough: the porn industry is working on a Seinfeld "parody."

A truly awful story keeps getting worse: parents of a ten-year-old who was killed while offroading by a highway are suing the driver who hit her, a man who was already cleared of wrongdoing.

It may be time to attempt an intervention: Suri Cruise is going to attend Scientology school.

And Roger Federer got married.

While You Were Sleeping: If Even Apple Is In Trouble...

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer's Penis

PapSmeared: Somebody Should Tell Suri Cruise That Flip-Flops Aren't Part of the Scientology Detox Diet

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 15:44:00 GMT

But damn, she still makes us want to have babies. Like, right now.

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Keep Yer Areolae Off My Facebook, Mmmkay?

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 23:51:00 GMT

While trying to find out if the double homicide I think I heard happen early yesterday morning really happened, I found out that Al Capone's home is for sale in Chicago for a mere $450,000. Still no word on the homicide. [Crime Scene KC]

Suri Cruise may very well be the cutest baby I've seen, like, ever, but I cannot get behind Tom and Katie going for nine more. I imagine Katie's vagina agrees. [Us]

I'd like to think I'm not the only woman out there who would bed Woody Harrelson. In fact, I know I'm not. He just got married. [People]

Madonna donated $2.6 million dollars to the Kabbalah Center in Los Angeles. She should have also paid a photographer not to take this close-up of her (not that I wouldn't mind looking like that at her age). [FadedYouth]

The folks at Facebook are apparently not fans of The Teet. Last year, the site's administrators took down photos of breastfeeding mothers because they featured "exposed breasts" which apparently violated the Terms of Use. A spokesman for Facebook says that only pictures where a nipple is fully exposed are problems, but some hip Facebook moms staged not only a virtual protest, they got out from behind their computers and suckling babes and demonstrated outside of Facebook's offices in California. [Jezebel]

Related:

TTYL, or, Kansas City Here I Come

What Your Areolas Say About You

"Could you make sure that her areolas aren't showing?"

Racist or Not? Totally Racist Dress Code

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: 93% Prefer Real Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:01:00 GMT

A woman who selflessly built homes for Katrina victims is CNN's Hero of the Year, an award which is obviously way cooler than Time's Person of the Year.

However, you look at it, this company is in deep shit: a radio station is being sued after a Win A Date With A Great Guy contest ended in the unlucky winner being raped. One commenter: "Is the radio station [really] responsible for doing a through criminal background check? What's a 24 year old woman dating a 46 year old man anyway?" Answers: possibly and we have no clue whatsoever.

Here it is, the annual annoying survey of the Top 10 stars you'd like to invite over for Thanksgiving...

1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Tina Fey
3. Ellen DeGeneres + Portia De Rossi
4. Patrick Dempsey
5. Suri Cruise
6. Tyra Banks
7. Jonas Brothers
8. Keira Knightley
9. Beyonce Knowles
10. Robert Pattinson

Barack Obama joked he's going to throw his "weight around" regarding college football playoff rules. Isn't it great to have a President(-elect) whose kidding doesn't make you scream in horror?

Remember that big Hollywood wiretap scandal involving Tom Cruise and some other celebrities? The culprit was sentenced to three years in prison.

Biden does appear to be setting up his Senate seat for his son to take over in 2010.

93% of respondents to a Fark survey said they prefer real boobs to fake ones. Duh. It would've been more of a story if the question was, "Which do you prefer: small natural boobs or big enhanced boobs?"

And you could win a $500 gift card to Ikea and a date with one of the guys from Pavement.

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

Not To Be Outdone, Sunday School Teacher Gets In On The Jailbait Action

The Second Life Divorce Gets Funnier After The Split

Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

Who Wore it Better: Kate Hudson vs. Suri Cruise?

Emily Farris — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:59:00 GMT

Okay, okay, we know this isn't a baby blog, but we're a little obsessed with Suri Cruise's cuteness. She almost makes us want to bang a self-involved Scientologist nut job—but only if we could be guaranteed a little one as adorable as Suri. And you have to admit it's kind-of hilarious that she's trotting around the city in practically the same dress as as an adult actress.

[Via FadedYouth]

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: How Sarah Palin Brought a Litte Heaven Into Our Lives

Sloppy Seconds: Pretty Young Things

Sloppy Seconds: Heather Mills, Liv Tyler, and... Roseanne Barr?!

Rumor Mongering: Did Justin Timberlake Impregnate Kate Hudson?

While You Were Sleeping: The Heath Ledger Investigation

Sloppy Seconds: How Sarah Palin Brought a Litte Heaven Into Our Lives

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Do we sound like your mother when we say that Kirsten Dunst looks so much cuter without a cigarette attached to her face? [Faded Youth]

Clay Aiken addressed his seemingly homophobic Claymates—he's the same old Gay Aiken he's always been. [MollyGood]

We want to eat Suri Cruise. Really. She's so fucking cute. [INF]

Remember when we said chastity belts were bad? Paris Hilton wants kids. Now. [People]

We're not the only ones watching Saturday Night Live just to see what Sarah Palin skit Tina Fey will do next. [Yahoo!]

In case you missed it, here's a clip from Saturday Night Live. Is this our reward in Heaven? [NBC]

While You Were Sleeping: The Scientologists Planned Their Invasion of New York

Emily Farris — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:41:00 GMT

Remember Silvio Berlusconi, the guy who hired the hot new Italian minister who was our Crush of the Week last week? Well, we now know she doesn't support "pointless" gay pride. If that means teddy bears (stuffed, not human) with nipple rings and rainbow t-shirts, we would almost get where she's coming from (because pierced teddy bears always freaked us out), but as a politician she probably shouldn't have said it out loud. Except it appears that's not what she meant at all. [Queerty]

Would you wear undewear-wear-wear-eh-eh-eh designed by Rihanna? [ICYDN]

If you look hard enough, you can see Angelina Jolie's nipple in this picture. [Fleshbot]

Oh Jesus, Pete Doherty has a son? Where is Sally Struthers when you need her? [GabbyBabble]

Only one cast member knows how LOST will end. We don't know if we want to know. Okay, we do, but we don't. Because we're a little disappointed with the way things are going lately. [Defamer]

Hide your babies (because they'll feel inadequate next to Suri) and your prescription drugs. Katie, Tom and Suri are headed for New York. That's right, Katie landed a role in Arthur Miller's "All My Sons" this fall and Tom is letting her do it. [Yahoo!]

Sloppy Seconds: In Which Men Everywhere Mourn a Great Loss

Emily Farris — Mon, 05 May 2008 22:01:00 GMT

After experiencing chest pains, Courtney Love was admitted to the hospital for "strep throat." [StarPulse]

Okay, seriously: why does Suri Curise have to be so freaking cute? [FameCrawler]

The term "illegal three way" kind-of sounds like "illegal u-turn" until you add R. Kelly to the mix. [Celebrity Dirt]

Hot or not? Pink and her apparent new BFF Bai Ling went frolicking on the beach in their bikinis. [Hollywood Tuna]

If this picture is proof that Reese Witherspoon is pregnant, then we're expecting triplets. [dListed]

"Redneck Woman" Gretchen Wilson finally got her GED, more fun, however is this URL. [GabbyBabble]

Forgetting for a moment that you probably never had a chance with her, and that she can't really sing, we'll allow you briefly to mourn the fact that Scarlett Johansson is officially off the market. Now snap out of it and go make her and Ryan Reynolds a creepy wedding gift out of macaroni noodles painted gold. [Yahoo!]

Sloppy Seconds: Pretty Young Things

Emily Farris — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Chelsea Clinton can't get enough of the gays. And apparently, they can't get enough of her. [Queerty]

Suri Cruise is two-years-old. And still so fucking cute. We just want to squeeze her! [People]

If you are a pedophile, you might enjoy these "sexy" pictures of Miley Cyrus. [JustJared]

The other U.S. American Miss South Carolina will work for the John McCain campaign and like such as. [Wonkette]

We still have our high school class ring somewhere. Do you? What's that all about, anyway? [Neatorama]

Wired reports from the FIRST Robotics Championship. [Wired]

Ever wonder about the origins of Harrison Ford's kind-of dorky earring? Us neither, but you might be interested to know it involved Jimmy Buffet and drunk lunch. [Yahoo!]

When we first learned that Harry Potter star Emma Watson would replace Scarlett Johansson in a Napoleon biopic, we thought about doing a Who Would You Rather? But then we remembered that Emma was just a baby. Turns out she's 18 now. God, they grow up so fast. So, uh, who would you rather? No. Sorry. That's still kind-of wrong. [People]

Katie Holmes' Vocabulary Limited to 3 Words: Lovely, Magical, Beautiful

Emily Farris — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 19:33:00 GMT

Look, Katie Holmes is lovely. We know it, David Letterman knows it, there's just no denying it. And we pretty much want to kidnap little Suri, and not just to get her away from her crazy Scientologist father, either. We're sure her life is lovely, magical, beautiful and everything in between, but come on Katie, since the chemical reaction that was TomKat you're such a robot. Is this what Scientology does to you? We want to see little Suri throw up all over that pretty white dress of yours right before you yell "Shitfuck!" and she bursts into tears. Give us something so we'll know your body hasn't been taken over by pod people.