Scanner : subway

Evil Commercial Jingles: Stop the Inanity!

Colleen Kane — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 16:58:00 GMT

I am tormented by three words in this order: "five dollar footlong."

The commercial jingle has been circling in my head for what seems like weeks, but may only have been days, repeating over and over: "Five. Five dollar. Five dollar footlooooong." It sounds filthy, and I'm not even certain what it's advertising, possibly some sort of sandwich dealie at Subway.

I even heard it in Spanish yesterday, and the variation provided only slight relief because it didn't wear an instant rut into my brain. (If you follow the link to YouTube, avoid the comments-- so racist. Avoid YouTube comments in general if you don't want to be depressed, but especially in this case.)

When I woke up in the middle of the night last night, there it was just waiting in my mind to start up again: "Five. Five dollar. Five dollar footlooooong."

How do you erase these evil jingles from memory? Before this one, it was the original tune for "Free Credit Report.com." Next it will probably be this atrocity (I heard it once and am attempting to never hear it again):

Scanner readers, are any advertising tunes haunting your minds, and do you have any reliable ways of vanquishing them from running around in your heads?

Related:

Let The Superbowl Commercials Begin, And Watch Justin Timberlake Get His Junk Crushed

Condom Commercials Go Bollywood

PeTA: Again With Thinking Sex Sells Unpopular Idea

Our Favorite Bizarre Subway Posters

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:39:00 GMT

We've rounded up another compilation of our favorite photos-- this time, the category is Crazy Subway Posters, Usually Ads, Often Defaced... or something like that...

In any case, they're all brilliant. (Here's one we didn't use, only because the poster sucks. The photo of the poster-- look carefully-- is what caught our attention.)

The above photo is of a doctored poster from the Photoshopping campaign-- an artist pasted Photoshop tool symbols over airbrushed pictures in the subway. In case you hadn't figured out how Britney Spears can look entirely awful in real life and not entirely unattractive in ads...

The below shot is of a really offensive ad, which we've because it's too memorable to leave out:

And a cheat-- a poster that, well, doesn't really count but we found during our search and felt we had to share...

Related:

Our Favorite Leftover Photos of 2008

Today's Topless PETA Roundup

Celebrities Get Drunk Too (Photos, Video)

Our Favorite Dumb Criminal: Burglar Leaves Sex Tape At the Scene

Today in "How'd That Get Up There?"

Thousands Run Amok In Their Underwear

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:41:00 GMT

While most of the country tried not to freeze to death over the weekend, we got an early preview of the best and worst legs on the east coast on Saturday.

Well, that's not really what the No Pants! Subway Ride is about (we think that has something to do with rampant near-nudity and amusing those not in the know), but you can't help but notice that, hey, people aren't covering up with 18 layers of fabric! It's like summer all over again...

We want to marry the badass riding the DC Metro (?) with her bike-- the one with "BANANAS" printed on her underwear. Yowza.

Yes, the pointeless pantsless subway ride... if you missed it, you can also check out Flickr... or watch this video and pretend you were there...

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Tara Reid Back To The Booze

Today in WTF: Porn For The Blind

While You Were Sleeping: The No Pants Ride

NY Girl of My Dreams Is Back to Riding the 5 Train

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:44:00 GMT

So it seems young lover and NYGirlofMyDreams creator Patrick Moberg has parted ways with his dream girl Camille Hayton.

For those of you who just got to the party that is the Internet, last November bored New Yorkers fell in love with Patrick after seeing the website dedicated to the girl who'd stolen his heart on the 5 train. Because there really are only about 6 people in the world, readers tracked down Patrick's dream girl, aspiring actress and BlackBook intern Camille Hayton, within about 48 hours.

But the couple's relationship lasted only slightly longer. Yes, the pair have parted ways. According to Camille:

"I think the situation was so intense that it bonded us," she said, adding it "bonded us in a way that you could mistake, I guess, for being more romantic than it was. I don't know. But I wanted to give it a go so I didn't wonder what if, what if?"

Cheers, Patrick for taking a chance on love. Next time you see your dream girl on the train, be sure to forward us the link.

Step Brothers Will Be Terrible, Step Clones Would've Been Way Funnier

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 20:08:00 GMT

PosterBoyNYC is a Flickr photographer who, as you can see above, doctors those enormous and always obnoxious subway ads.

After the jump, a look at our favorite cut-and-paste jobs from this Urban Prankster...

There are plenty more, even a handful that are arguably better than all of the ones we've included above, at Flickr.

Via Urban Prankster.

While You Were Sleeping: We'll Score Or Go Topless For You

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:48:00 GMT

Don't you wish America's Next Top Models were making sex tapes, too?

Isn't this entrapment? An Ohio man came upon a topless woman in a park. The woman, noting that the park was empty, asked him to take out his dick. He obliged and was promptly arrested as part of a sting operation.

Did you hear about the naked airplane passenger?

An American Airlines flight from Boston to Los Angeles was diverted to Oklahoma City on Friday after a passenger stripped nude and later tried to open an emergency exit door before being subdued by members of a professional soccer team and others, the FBI said.

If you're going to kill yourself by jumping in front of a train, the least you could do is not traumatize the driver for life by staring into his eyes.

Neil Young talked about living with war (both the album and the state of being) on Charlie Rose. Not news, but you should check it out anyway.

More than 5,000 people donated to a guy running for office in nowhere Kansas after a cartoon about his candidacy took off on the internet. (To put things in perspective: he shattered previous records of only a few hundred people ever donating in such a race.)

An English footballer, scoreless since 2006, has vowed to score

five goals in this season’s push for promotion. If he is not successful then he and the rest of the United first team will get their kit off and pose for a topless calendar with the proceeds going to charity.

Topless soccer players? Come on, dudes... if you were serious, it would be a calendar with the full monty.

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

Today in Bad-Assery: The Neil Young Archives, 1963-1972

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:01:00 GMT

...which begs the obvious question... what were these knuckleheads doing actually watching the game?

Minnie Driver publicly thanked the biggest bunch of airheaded surfer dudes for their heroic efforts after video aired of the beach bums pounding some paparazzi into submission. The very pregnant Driver was trying to enjoy a day on the beach when privacy-invading photographers swept in with their long lenses. Check out the story and video, complete with full "don't photo me, bro" goodness.

There's a new movie playing in London about a boat orgy that ends when one guy hits a girl in the back of the head during sex and kills her. The title? "Donkey Punch," of course.

Is Grey's Anatomy going to kill off Katherine Heigel's character?

[S]taffers are considering giving her character, Dr. Izzie Stevens, a brain tumor.
“[Producer] Shonda [Rhimes] and the writers are pissed at her [for dissing them after she refused to be considered for an Emmy, saying the past season's material was terrible],” the source tells Us. “It’s their way of screwing with her. She won’t know whether she’s going to live or die.”

Wired is really hyping their cover story on Julia Allison-- we've seen three ads online for it just in the last day. Apparently the editors were unaware the rest of the media covered this story back in the 2006 era.

A man claims he found a seven-inch knife in his sandwich in a New York City Subway restaurant. We're not sure why he's complaining-- we've found far worse things in ours...

Saturday's Blue Jays game was apparently not Bobblehead Doll Day, as advertised, but rather Topless Blond In A Hotel Overlooking The Field Day. The Ottawa Sun, which broke the story, has a full rundown of other similar incidences at the Renaissance Inn:

May 1990
During a Blue Jays game, hotel security and police throw out a man who was seen masturbating behind a hotel room window that overlooked the baseball diamond. Police said the man thought he was behind a one-way window.
May 1990
A couple has sex in one of the 70 hotel rooms overlooking a ball game attended by 55,000 fans. The couple -- who apparently weren't aware they could be seen with the lights off -- were "mortified." The incident received media attention around the world, including five minutes on The Arsenio Hall Show.
The Jays lost.
May 1995
In front of 40,000 fans, a couple has sex in a chair right next to the window overlooking the field during the 7th inning of a Jays-Royals match. The couple were seen right above the then-Jumbotron (now the Rogers Centre videoboard).
The Jays lost.

And more at the Ottawa Sun website.

What Has Happened to 63% of Women the NYC Subway?

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 18:01:00 GMT

If you said theft, accident, or marriage proposal, you're wrong. The answer: sexual harassment, naturally.

According to a study done by Manhattan borough president Scott Stringer, 63% of women report being sexually harassed on the subway and 10% report being sexually assaulted. Some choice descriptions of the behavior include:

"Somebody came up behind me and touched my butt," Judith Doren said.

"You are standing on the crowded train and they're behind you and they kind of like mush themselves on the back of you and you're like, 'ewww,'" added Andrea Pritchett of Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Yes. This most definitely happens on the NYC subway. We once heard of a women being licked up the arm. But that was in the 80s, and apparently subway harassers were ballsier back then.

While You Were Sleeping

While You Were Sleeping: Sienna Miller, Homewrecker

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:56:00 GMT

The first video of a Guantanamo Bay interrogation was released yesterday. The tape, of course, shows a Canadian, rather than an American, official interrogator grilling the 16-year-old terrorist...

Jessica Alba's baby is clearly going to grow up to be a badass. For God's sake, the father's name is Cash.

Yeah, but a better press release would be all about what you're going to do about it, MTA: "Groping is rampant on the NYC subway..."

Sienna Miller is officially stealing somebody's husband. Not that we're judging her... especially when there are topless photos involved and the guy is that weirdo from Lost Highway.

An Australian man was charged with his seventh drunk-driving offense after spending $1,000 a week on beer. Wait-- $1,000 a week... and you bought beer? Wait... seventh drunk-driving offense? How is he walking the streets? After consuming $1,000 worth of beer?! Our heads are exploding...

Hitmen are apparently going mainstream.

JibJab put out another viral video for the 2008 campaign cycle. Did anyone really like the ones from '04? Honestly?

Michael J. Fox, the toughest little mofo in town, will appear on "Rescue Me."

And Ben & Jerry's has a new flavor: Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road. Guess who it's named after?

Next Time We're Lost on the MTA, We'll Call These Subway Obsessed Preschoolers

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:34:00 GMT

On his New York Times art blog, Christoph Niemann details his sons' obsession with the New York Subway system. These kids sound totally adorable and the drawings are pretty cute too.

According to Niemann:

Arthur spends hours studying the subway map. He laughs at his mother when she suggests taking the B on a weekend. The only questions he has are about the pronunciation of some station names...This morning he read the timetable for the No. 3 train and sang the stations to the tune of “Shalom Aleichem.”

We are now reconsidering our stance on kids on the subway. They can be pretty great. Nothing in this world, however, will make us welcome children on an airplane.

Website of the Day: 101 Things Every Man Should Know

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:30:00 GMT

We're not sure why these are specifically things a man should know... or if he really needs to learn them at all. (Must we learn how to smoke cigars, for example, if we think people who smoke cigars smell like a barf-filled A train at 4am?)

There are some obvious entries in the WEBook page for "101 Things Every Man Should Know..."

It's Not What But How A Man Does [there are no direct links]

Plan A Romantic Vacation

How To Make Your Place Fit For Female Company

...and some less-obvious, more gender-neutral ones:

How To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket

Changing The Tire On A Car

How To Roll A Joint

We're pretty sure we'll never need to know how to fake an orgasm, but WEBook Writer Melissa has other suggestions on this thread, which you should comment on: What SHOULD every man know how to do?

(Also, check out "Looking Good in A Speedo," which we expected to consist of two words ("You don't") but instead, miraculously, goes on for almost 1,100. And most importantly, the site is a work-in-progress and is still accepting submissions. We may write something about Chivalry And Not Expecting To Be Rewarded For It...)

Via 101 Things Every Man Should Know How To Do.

Photo of one of the great gentlemen, Cary Grant, courtesy of Ultra Orange.

Armageddon Time: 800 Car Traffic Jam in Wisconsin

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 20:40:00 GMT

Okay, it doesn't look anything like the totally rad photo above, but we're imagining Woodstock-style lines, couples meeting and falling in love because the guy with the motorcycle picked the girl up hitching, people hanging out and tailgating. Unfortunately, the real pictures are probably a lot less fun: this interstate in Wisconsin is just probably the world's largest clusterfuck.

Just another opportunity for us New York City folk to rub it in: we got the subway, baby. And you remember what the subway has, an idea no doubt Scanner Emily will try out after her many triumphs last night.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Especially in New York

Emily Farris — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 18:54:00 GMT

We want to help people, we really do. But sometimes our fear gets in the way. Helping an old lady cross the street or grabbing the bottom of a stroller at the top of the stairs for an over-burdened mother is pretty safe. We can do that. And we often do. But help a guy load a piece of furniture into a van? Never! And now, next time we see a wallet lying around, instead of picking it up and turning it in, we're going to leave it on the subway platform for the next fool to pick up, especially after what happened to this guy:

Straphanger Carlos Alayo ... picked up what he thought was a derelict wallet laying on a subway platform bench. He said he intended to find its owner and return it, but as he went to get on the G train, he said he was stopped by police.
The 32-year-old had been ensnared in Operation Lucky Bag, an initiative from the New York City Police Department to lay decoys -- shopping bags, purses, backpacks or wallets -- around the subway system under the watchful gaze of officers who wait to see what passersby will do.

The decoys often contain real credit cards issued under pseudonyms to the police department. Theft of a credit card is grand larceny, a felony that could lead to jail time.

What's the point of the real credit cards if the police are going to stop people before they even get a chance to go shopping? Where's their Christmas spirit?

[Via wnbc.com]