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Video of Jessica Biel Nude Scenes in Powder Blue, Compiled!

Drew Grant — Wed, 13 May 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Jessica Biel may be too busy crunching her abs or making sweet, sweet love to Justin Timberlake to comment on the apparently excessive nudity featured in her new film, Powder Blue, but that didn't stop some genius from putting together a montage of all Biel's best "acting," moments in the Christma-hooker drama. Watch her strip to Cat Power (no seriously, Biel got duped into starring in my freshman year boyfriend's Cinema 101 project), after the jump.

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Omaha Bar Hosts Jello Wrestling Contest For Charity...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 21:22:00 GMT

...guess how that turned out?

Think about it: you're all bar owners in Omaha, Nebraska. (Really, what else is there to do except hang out at the Saddle Creek offices and try to pick up hipsters? You gotta have a bar.) You want to get more people to stop in at your bar, so you organize an event under the auspicies of donating the cover charge to charity, all while racking up huge profits on drink sales. But to really get people to show up, you get a bunch of local drunks to wear bikinis and tear it up in a vat of Jello.

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, for one thing, it's entirely illegal to have boobs and ass anywhere near beer and booze in the state of Nebraska. And you know damn well what bikini Jello wrestling leads to, particularly when the contestants are all likkered up before the opening gong:

Owners of a west Omaha bar have been fined over a fundraiser that got out of control. The 120 Blondes Lounge at 120th and Blondo streets was disciplined by the state Liquor Control Commission over a gelatin wrestling incident that ended with full nudity.

The event featured women who wrestled in a pool of flavored gelatin. The contestants in the competition were wearing bikinis, at least at first.

Photos taken at the event show one woman falling out of the pool and another one who's clearly topless. "As the crowd got more interested, apparently the clothing was removed and they were mostly in the nude," said Hobert Rupe of the Nebraska Liquor Control Commission.

Hobert has a career waiting for him in public relations after he gets bored of denying strip clubs their God-given Night Train beer-- ha ha, "apparently clothing was removed." Hobert, dude, that's what we here in the US of A call "they ripped their clothes off, thinking Joe Francis was taping." But no matter who removed the clothing, the bar is still liable-- even though, in this case, witnesses attested to the fact that the owners ejected the "strippers" immediately.

At least 120 Blondes didn't lose their license.

Via KETV.

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Michael Phelps Still Celebrating With Strippers, Probably Hitting the Hash Pipe

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 15:27:00 GMT

Michael Phelps appears to be content to vanish into a haze of canned beer stink and vaporized marijuana in the city of Baltimore, Maryland.

Today, one of his sex partners (we hesitate to use the term "ex-girlfriend," since the only real date they had was a "special value meal" together at Taco Bell), a stripper named Theresa White (we're guessing the 25-year-old Latin bombshell is using an alias) spoke with News of the World about the orgies, drugs, junk food, and best of all, the three-hour marathon sex sessions with the Olympian...

Her scandalous allegations about the multiple-gold winner include:

-she actually picked him up one night when they were drunk at her strip club. She staggered over and asked him if he wanted to take anyone in the club home with him and he said "you" and pointed to two other girls. Eventually, a threesome was arranged, apparently Phelps' first. It's good to be the King Stoner.

-Phelps spends all his money in (illegal?) online gambling rooms, where he hopes to one day become a champion, his new goal in life

-never took her out on a real date, unless you count Taco Bell, which we believe 100%

-hates Spaniards

-had sex with her for more than three hours and "should be given a gold medal for lovemaking," according to White, who also offhandedly mentions she has 34D boobs

-okay, we made up the Spaniards one

-has a harem of at least five or six women he considers "easy lays" in the Baltimore area

-has a major chewing tobacco habit and his house smells like ass-- and not the good kind

Phelps, it's time to clean up your act. There will be many more women angry with you and willing to soil the public image you cherish so deeply...

Via News of the World.

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BBC's Topless Ambition

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Kirsten O'Brien just did a documentary called Kirsten's Topless Ambition for BBC3, which is all about her boobs. More specifically, the documentary discusses the question that has been bugging women in the entertainment industry for years: should I take my boobs out for a wank mag like FHM or keep getting stuck in this Grade-Z TV rut?

O'Brien had been working as the host of a kids show for over 10 years when she took a look around her and realized that all of her female friends in the business were making it big and she was being left behind. As O'Brien told the British press:

"Over the years, it's something I've watched women do, and it's fascinated me.

"Now I'm at a career crossroads and that's the usual point in which women do a shoot, when they say 'I want to get out of kids telly, what do I do? I know, I'll get me swimsuit on and get me la las out'," she says, laughing raucously.

Instead of taking her, uh, "la las out," O'Brien had herself tailed by a camera crew and debacles like this one were captured for posterity:

She dances for the nightclub owner in an attempt to prove she can stop laughing long enough to look good on the podium.

Unsurprisingly, it doesn't go well.

"That was quite interesting! I embraced the challenge of it, there's no point forming an opinion on something unless you've explored it a little bit," she explains.

"The girls I met were lovely too, really friendly and helpful. That's not to say I could do anything by the end of it!

"What's not explained in the documentary is when you see me run upstairs to do my dance for Peter Stringfellow, I've got the most ridiculous tutu on. I was trying to figure out what to wear, and someone said 'Peter's here and he can't wait' so I had to run upstairs, wearing the tutu, but still with with my jogging bottoms on underneath.

"I did want to try properly, I didn't want to mess about, so when Peter started laughing at me I was upset," she continues.

"There was one point when I shouted at him, 'Peter, man, you're not taking this seriously' but he carried on laughing. So much so that I decided to stop.

"I did genuinely try, although it might not look like I did!" [Chester Chronicle]

Sounds like going naked isn't for everyone. Then again, we need some girls-next-door that aren't taking their clothes off to develop crushes on. We can't have all the girls be half-naked because that would take the fun out of wishing they would all get naked.

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"You Traitor Pig!"

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:34:00 GMT

Yesterday, we showed you why it's important to avoid Facebook when you're pretending to need a sick day from work.

Today, we'll show an even more dangerous trap users can fall in to-- especially if those users are planning on having a wild bachelor party...

A guy, known in the media as Antonio M., was tagged in a photo on the social networking site-- the photo, it so happens, featured what appears to be a naked stripper behind him. (In the first place, nudity isn't allowed on the website-- so why did he even bother?) Instead of yelling at him for hanging out with naked women, his fiancee flipped the fuck out: she and a friend printed hundreds of posters (see above) and tacked them up around their Italian town, particularly near his office, the homes of their mutual friends, and other places of interest during their relationship. She called him a "traitor pig" for cavorting with this young woman, although there really isn't any evidence he did anything but have a stripper at his bachelor party (or attend a strip club or something similar.)

It doesn't matter-- 28-year-old Valerie A. signed the letter "your former betrothed bride and the 548 guests of our wedding."

Via Metro.

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Girls, Girls, Girls: World's Greatest Strip Club Reopens, Is Hiring Hundreds of Broads

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:15:00 GMT

The Body Shop in West Hollywood, California, is the world's top strip club, hands down. It's not about class or style or even decent drink prices. It's about history.

All those historic touchstones were burned away thanks to an electrical fire in 2008, but that hasn't ended owner Salah Almudarris' dream of dominating the entire state's strip club market...

Almudarris reopened his club on Thursday with a reduced staff-- and he claims to be seeking up to 500 strippers (!) to add to his roster. My God, where does he fit them all? With approximately 50 girls dancing a night, each making between several hundred and $1,000, the Body Shop is small but important part of the local economy-- after all, the club doesn't have a liquor license, so customers are encouraged to frequent area bars before stepping inside.

Two key facts before we get to the historic photos: 1) The club was immortalized in that "classic" Motley Crue song Girls, Girls, Girls and 2) Megan Fox fell in love with a stripper here, as reported by every major media outlet last year, including Scanner.

What the...? Dirty old gnome, get your own partially-nude woman...

Via SFGate (right-click to open in new tab/window.)

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Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Fight

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

According to Jezebel, the love letter is dead but the breakup e-mail is strong with this generation.

Michelle Rodriguez from Lost flipped out at a wedding-- if you believe this nonsense story.

But what happens when the pants come off? Push-up underwear for men isn't expected to go over big with Croatian women.

The Craigslist Killer may have murdered to help cover his gambling debts. Dumbasses-- don't gamble what you don't have in your bank account or you'll end up like this guy.

If you have a sword and dress like a ninja and are attempting to commit robberies, a dry cleaner is probably low on your list of priorities.

While wife Amy suffered burns on her leg due to... um... "a cooking accident," Blake Fielder-Civil has demanded his lover allow him to take a paternity test.

A woman who works for Fox61 in Connecticut was arrested twice in three hours in the same neighborhood and by the same officer, both times for driving drunk.

The Seinfeld adult film spoof is real... and features the Porn Nazi.

And a 52-year-old stripper, enjoying her first day on the job, was stabbed in the eye by a jealous co-worker.

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Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:39:00 GMT

Ever since the maturity of Jessica Biel, readers of Maxim and other perpetual droolers have been wondering "when is Jessica Biel gettin naked aready ??!?" Surprisingly, she wasn't holding out for a period piece or an Oscar-worthy performance as a nun-cum-prostitute in a Ron Howard movie.

The lucky winners are the producers of Powder Blue, which apparently boasts nothing else noteworthy, since no one even seems to know what the plot of this film is. Here's what we've retained from reading various blogs, press notes, and reviews: Powder Blue has its theatrical release in two weeks, and four weeks after that, the movie has its DVD release. This movie must be so atrocious that the filmmakers don't even hold out hope it's going to have a substantial box office take after a month.

Click on any of the following set of photos to get a new window, then you'll be able to blow these up to their full glory.

And even though these delightful pictures are easier on the eyes than, say, severely washed-out photos taken in a darkroom, that's exactly what the final cut looks like:

Members of the Perv Club... this is definitely our rental for the June meeting...

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Strip Show

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:04:00 GMT

Christopher Hitchens recalls the night no one wanted him to get loaded, so he went to Hunter Thompson's house to get bombed and fire off some guns. Someone explain to me why life is worth living without that man in this world.

Tomorrow's South Park is about pirates.

An Australian town chorus posed nude for charity.

The Food Network Magazine benefits in this economy-- maybe because no one can afford food, so they decide to read about? Not sure on this one.

Madonna may have lied about paparazzi causing her fall from a horse. Ya think?

This guy is right about his water bill-- there's no way he used 300,000 gallons in one month... and he's also right that no one, not even a well-meaning anonymous donor should have to pay the price for the water company's clerical error.

Rumors are brewing that Lindsay Lohan is considering joining a topless revue. Man, the internet will believe anything Perez Hilton tells them, huh?

And Stephen Hawking is apparently in serious condition in an English hospital.

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This Week in Sex: We Couldn't Stuff It All In

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:06:00 GMT

We hope this is real and not the viral marketing work of some jean company...

Sometimes the stories are too small for their own posts. Sometimes there are two many stories for one week, which is definitely the case here.

Today, we'll present: the Not Ready For Daytime Players... in This Week in Sex, featuring tales of football teams, Bollywood nudity, Melissa Joan Hart, Playboy, brothers, and... Susan Boyle?!

A minister in Florida (where else) is being investigated for possibly sexually assaulting members of a high school football team. The man allegedly promised his victims help in their athletic careers-- not sure how his religion fits into sports. Maybe he promised to rig the coin tosses?

Apparently, there will be full frontal male nudity in a Bollywood movie. (We can't confirm that this is actually the first legitimate male nude scene from that genre, but it sounds about right.)

Melissa Joan Hart says she never did Playboy because her Maxim cover caused her brother too much embarrassment.

The State of Nevada decided not to tax brothel sex, but not before this classic quote was delivered:

"I don't know why people won't recognize that we have a legal industry," state Sen. Bob Coffin, who introduced the legislation, told the Associated Press. "I'm willing to go in and do the dirty work if no one else will."

Thanks, Senator, but your sexpertise won't be required. Moving on...

Those scary-lookers had some of the loudest sex we've ever heard (of.)

In Indiana, two little girls walked in on group sex in the bathroom of their local people Taco Bell.

Unlike our cheerleading coach friend, this woman deserved get fired: a teacher was given the boot for taking a bunch of girls to a strip club. The biggest problem is that some of the girls were under 18 and could've been arrested.

And the new porn marketing gimmick is officially is to offer whomever dominates the news a role in adult film in exchange for a million dollars:

See what [Publicity-Hungry Production Assholes] did there? Set up an entire website for something that will never happen (much like the Octomom porn) and then sit back and watch the traffic skyrocket for a headline that reads "Susan Boyle Does a Porn (Maybe)." Chances are, Boyle will never even see this site, and has never been contacted by these people. But just associating their adult films with a recent phenomena is the oldest trick in the book. Although who would ever pay to see Boyle lose her virginity on camera is another story alltogether.

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Slimy Married Dude Thinks His Sneaky Strip Club Visits Are A Good Thing

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 20:32:00 GMT

Today on Your Tango, some busy business man makes excuses for his strip club addiction, telling us that it "helps" his marriage.

His other reasons are equally unbelieveable...

Let's be clear: if your man plies his trade taking client abuse or has ever attended a conference that finds him in a hotel banquet hall for 12 hours of Powerpoint torture, you can assume your honey has blown off steam, at least once, by contributing to some gal's plastic surgery fund, one crumpled bill at a time.

I am the garden-variety business-traveling strip club patron, for whom a lap dance with a client is like a harmless game of golf. You tuck a dollar bill or five or 20 inside a G-string, sit back for an innocent bump n' grind, have a few laughs with associates over the thundering drums of a Motley Crue song, wonder where your money went as you comb the sticky carpet looking for stray bills around your seat, and leave the joint lighter of both heart and wallet.

My wife knows she has absolutely nothing to worry about, and neither do most women. She knows I would not blow her trust by paying a scantily clad woman $500 to take my pasty, fat married ass into some back room for an hour. No good can come of that. Plus I'm too lazy to bulldoze my tracks and too cheap to burn a good Brooks Brothers shirt when perfume and glitter won't come out of the fabric.

Now, that's not a wholesale guarantee of good male behavior, and I don't pretend to represent mankind as a whole. My wife and I have been married for 16 years; the drama quotient is remarkably low, the passion remarkably hot and we've never needed any chemical or psychological intermediaries to keep it that way.

"You can take care of yourself to your heart's content in a hotel room, but you best not bring that filth into my bedroom," declared one of my wife's friends when I intentionally brought up the subject of shaker bars at our holiday party. Interestingly, she said this to no one in particular at maximum volume, avoiding the repentant gaze of her husband. From my vantage point, it looked like the mini-qiuiche he was swallowing suddenly turned to broken glass.
Do I bring my stripper-induced sensory overload into the bedroom? You bet I do! My wife and I have known one another since college, and over the years we have achieved the perfect blend of familiarity and mystery by sharing fantasies without breaking trust. Though she doesn't bring a director and makeup trailer to bed, I'm sure that some nights after a Mad Men episode I am her Jon HammSex is not only about love, but about play as well, and if she closes her eyes once in a while to pretend she is riding someone's see-saw, that's OK by me. understudy.
After years of monogamy and two kids, sexuality is not the stuff of romance novels. It's not that easy and never that clean. Some men fish off the company pier.

But not this dude. He just finds that jizzing in his pants at a strip joint is better than masturbation and/or just waiting till the damn business trip is over. Does anyone else out there care or are strip clubs too harmless to worry about in a relationship?

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Our Favorite Stripper Wants You To Be Patriotic, Drink PBR

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 21:09:00 GMT

Our resident stripper, Jocelyn Testes-Harder has been MIA for several months. She hasn't been at Charlie's, the downtown Richmond, Virginia club where the sometime office manager moonlights under the name, well, Jocelyn. We haven't seen her around the county dump either, although they just got in some new kids toys leftover from a fire sale.

Her neighbors haven't seen her around-- and we even checked with that guy with the night vision camera and binoculars. So, we'll have to make do with her last transmission to us, which was about her lazy, no-good, long-suffering fiancee and the joys of American patriotism mixed with cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer...

Q. Jocelyn, Joceyln... can you hear me?

A. Yeah... I don't know what it is about the sight of a man doing nothing that just makes my blood boil!

Q. I hear ya.

A. I know Phil works hard, and I respect that. But that don't mean he's gotta sit on ass and watch football every Sunday when I've got other things in mind that he could be doing. Of course I realize that Phil needs to relax sometimes. That's what sleep is for!

Q. Don't you think you're being harsh? I mean, you guys aren't even married yet and already you're bustin' balls?

A. I guess he doesn't get the fact that our life together started the minute he proposed. He seems to think that just because we're not living together yet he can still spend hours at his own house, doing his own thing. He already knows that as soon as he buys our new house I'm going to rent out my townhouse, but he hasn't even bothered to post it on Craigslist for me! I can't wait until we're living in a nice planned development, and I've got Phil under my thumb where he belongs. All doubt will be removed because I'll be able to plan his day for him, and adjust the schedule thoughout the day. He won't have to worry about pissing me off any more, because I'll make sure that he's always doing the right thing. Then we'll both be happy!

Q. Okay, we can see how your life is going to change as a married woman again. But how will your life change under our new President?

A. It's time to roll up our sleeves, slip on our stretchy "USA" sweat wristbands, and get back to work on this little project we call America. It's time to clean all that dog snot off our cars' rear passenger windows. Define telemarketing as a form of terrorism. And lock the kids out of the house for the entire summer. If those brats get thirsty they can drink from the hose!)

Q. Okay, no need to shout. I can hear you just fine. Do you have any advice for drastic steps Obama can take to make a change in your life?

A. Take bold steps... like turn our backs on creamed corn... rename "French fries" as "Early stroke fries". Legalize THC to maximize our paranoia level. Wear a thong to church to be closer to God. And deliberately mess with Texas, after having been repeatedly warned.

Q. Have you been following the Prop 8 debacle in C--

A. It's time to develop a genre of gay rap music. Help the homeless, or admit that we can't, and execute them. Win the race to develop the world's first scabies-proof mattress.

Q. Is Bill O'Reilly and Fox News the greatest threat to our general sanity?

A. We need to capture Bill O'Reilly alive, and seal him inside of an unventilated see-through coffin. Then we're gonna have a Pabst. And it's gonna be good....

[transmission cut]

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Princess Eugenie, An Amateur Stripper, Is Our Favorite Female Royal

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:35:00 GMT

Last June, we reported on Her Royal Highness Princess Eugenie of York's nude rampage. The daughter of Sarah Ferguson from Weight Watchers and some British dude has been trying to publicly top herself ever since-- because you know the Queen likes nothing better than to hear about her heirs getting all liquored up and running wild in the streets...

Her Royal Rockness spent Thursday night partying past dawn at a London gentleman's club-- the London's Sophisticats** Gentleman's Club, that is.

The princess giggled as she watched a brunette dancer perform a raunchy routine for one of her male friends, before standing up and dancing next to her table with a pal.
Eugenie then asked if she could get on stage and strut her stuff on the pole.
A source told Britain's The Daily Mail newspaper: "Because of health and safety regulations she was told she would not be allowed unless she was employed by the club and had undergone training on the pole, like all their dancers. It was all done very tongue-in-cheek and Eugenie took it in good spirits."

Eugenie, 18, is so wealthy, she's not only able to start her weekends one night early, but she can afford a £20 lapdance. (£20 converts to about "three times the average American's checking account.)

The royal was accompanied by her Police Protection Officer, who sat at a neighbouring table watching the teenager. [Royal Watch]

We have a sinking suspicion he may have been enjoying his job for the first time...

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We Wish They'd Shut Down American Idol Instead of Stripper Idol

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:56:00 GMT

Did anyone else see this train wreck, pictured above, who somehow manage to squeak by the competition and land a trip to Hollywood? Not only did she skank it to the max to highlight her vocal shortcomings, but then she tried to make out with Ryan Seacrest-- twice. Bleech.

30.1 million people tuned in for Tuesday night's season premiere of American Idol. Among those who were not watching-- patrons at the Austin bar The Palazio Men's Club, who had better things to do...

(Sure, the contest is on Thursday nights, but it's not like the patrons were watching Fox the other night, what with glorious stripping right in front of them.)

American Idol's lawyers, who apparently have infinite amounts of money and time, decided to shut down the Texas competition which pits amateur topless females in 60-second strip-offs for a cash prize of $500. (That's it? Hell, strippers used to make $500 a night each... and now there'll only be one and everyone else gets zilch?) The bored lawyers claim that the "color scheme, design and font" of the Austin competition is too similar to the Fox one-- we're sure it's identical, but that's not the point-- and then this gem:

"There is a substantial likelihood that consumers will be confused, misled or deceived as to the sponsorship ... of the defendants' stripper talent contest."

Right. Grandma who wants to see another Jordan Sparks wannabe is going to go to a bar, thinking that the show is no longer on TV, and will somehow miss that the word "American" has been changed to "STRIPPER." Of course, the judge will side with whomever has the highest-paid lawyers, so Texas is screwed again.

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Happy Belated Birthday to Porn Star Ginger Lynn

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 22:29:00 GMT

You may not believe this absolutely true story about having 69 on our 18th birthday with porn star Ginger Lynn, but we'll tell it to you anyway...

Ginger Lynn, who turned 46 on Sunday, performed at a strip club in Connecticut on my 18th birthday and brought meup onstage to perform fifty pushups from the 69 position, with my face planted securely in her crotch. The entire audience counted each pushup out loud, just to make sure I knew they were there, leering. Then she gave me her wet T-shirt, which I subsequently lost.

As Ginger tells us to this day, "I'm so glad I can say I took your virginity on your eighteen birthday." Little does she know...

Happy birthday, Miss Lynn... keep on truckin', much as you did in this classic Metallica video:

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Take Us To Detroit: Site of this Weekend's Biggest Orgy

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:18:00 GMT

What do you get when you take nineteen prostitutes, twenty dudes, one madam, her underage daughter and her equally underage friend? You get another fun-filled Saturday night in Detroit.

Local press reports indicate the hostess with the mostest is a thirty-nine-year-old woman with a sixteen-year-old daughter. The cops burst through the front door as the daughter and her friend were dancing topless on a table in the living room. Whoops! The best part of all this is that the hookers and johns were merely given tickets and sent away... presumably to a quieter venue for way more brothel fun.

There will be plenty of money to pay off those fines, since the house mom took a $15 cover charge at the door from the guys and a cut of whatever the ladies earned in what must've been cramped quarters. After all, if you hire nineteen prostitutes and, say, three or four bedrooms, where does everyone get it on? Sounds like it was just a big uninterrupted orgy... or "Saturday night," for you Detroiters...

Here's a general AP story on this.

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Tips From A Stripper

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:11:00 GMT

"Some of y'all want to learn how to date one of those sexy strippers you see on stage. That requires cocaine."

We love hearing from strippers out there, so if you have advice for those of who enjoying hitting the clubs, let us know! We're kidding-- we can't afford to go to strip clubs, even ones with the free admission and $10 Milwaukee's Best...

Nonetheless, check out this great bit of advice from a stripper...

Before I met my ex-husband, and before my first kid was born, I used to do a bit of stripping at one of Richmond's fine Southside gentlemen's clubs. So I think I'm more than qualified to teach you no account fools some of the finer points of properly conducting yourselves in a strip club environment.

The most important thing is tipping. Just because you paid a cover charge doesn't mean that you're "covered"! You guys need to tip each dancer for each dance! That's why they're coming around to every table after every performance. The standard tip is $0.50 per dance (a roll of pennies will do). An extra 15% should be added if the routine included ass clapping.

Ass clapping! That's our phrase of the day, people.

During my very first week on the job I accidentally farted right in a guy's face during a private dance! I figured it would be okay because I was wearing a spandex Catwoman suit...

Wait a minute... is she for real?

Yes, strippers are always available for sex in exchange for money! That's really how they make ends meet! And I can tell you right now that if you don't get to insert a finger during a private dance, you got ripped off!

All right, we're pretty sure she's kidding now, but this is entertaining material...

Via Jocelyn's Corner.

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Video from Vegas: The Sarah Palin Lookalike Contest

Emily Farris — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 17:49:00 GMT

A strip club in Las Vegas held a Sarah Palin lookalike contest last night, and as you might expect a bunch of women with brunete up-dos flaunted American flag bikini's, shot guns and Tina Fey glasses.

Watch the video at TMZ.

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Is it wrong too arrest a man in a wheelchair... for driving while intoxicated?

Playboy cut 80 jobs thanks to the terrible economy.

Britney Spears is on top of the world again...

...she's back on top of the U.S. charts thanks to a record-breaking sales week. The singer's "Womanizer" tune has scored the biggest chart jump to number one in Billboard Hot 100 history after rocketing up 95 spots from last week's 96 to get there. [The song still blows. -Ed.]
It's the first time Spears has been on top since her debut single "...Baby One More Time" hit number one at the beginning of 1999. [Starpulse]

Today in Politicians Who Apparently Have Nothing Better To Do: the idiot in Nebraska who filed a lawsuit against God has seen his dreams shattered.

Janet Jackson was apparently suffering from vertigo, is back on tour, and likes loud goddamned explosions.

Strip clubs have turned to the "free flu shot" gimmick to attract business. (Or is it the other way around?)

David Duchovy and Tea Leoni apparently could not work it out. A spokesperson admitted the two have actually been separated for months, with no signs of a turnaround.

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While You Were Sleeping: Posing Nude For Fun Or Charity

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:09:00 GMT

Jude Law's new girlfriend is posing nude for the upcoming edition of Playboy in France.

If this guy keeps winning elections, maybe there isn't any reason to vote.

A conservative Canadian mayor is finding out that just because those nude photos of her made headlines over five years ago, people are still going to bring them up when she runs for higher office. Uncensored photo below:

A man in Monticello, New York is in jail after asking a random thirteen-year-old girl if she would mind posing nude for his camera phone. The reason we're pointing this story out is this: he was apprehended after a bunch of passerby, who heard him propose the same setup to a (legal) woman, became an angry mob and chased him into someone's house.

Perhaps you've heard of them, but we haven't: several English celebrities are posing nude for charity.

Hear about that attorney who had his client pay off part of her debt by doing stripteases? Surprise-- he was a cheapskate.

Speaking of quid pro quo arrangements: a staff member of a Utah high school plead to a reduced charge in his beer-for-nude-photos-of-the-boys-who-wanted-beer scandal.

Detroit's City Council President is now the city's new Mayor, following his predecessor's sex scandal, jail sentence, and eventual resignation.

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Michael Phelps Celebrates Gold Medal Wins By Groping Strippers

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 12:44:00 GMT

Hey, he's a got a right to blow off some steam... and some other things...

Radar writer Neel Shah (yes, that's how he spells it) stumbled, perhaps drunkenly, on Michael Phelps' Vegas Vacation the other night and snapped some naughty photos of him...

Why are they naughty? Because, dude, you're not supposed to do this to strippers...

We're not sure what the rules are at The Playboy Club, where these photos were allegedly taken, but for the crime of sexually molesting a dancer, most people would've been taken into one of those infamous strip bar backrooms for a game of arm wrestling, in which customers always to Manny The Grip. Speaking of grips:

"It was unreal," says Neel. "Within moments of entering the club he summoned two girls over... I've never seen such an aggressive grip."

By the way, we're not saying he's a scumbag or anything, just pointing out that maybe we should look at this from the stripper's point of view. Rarely do they enjoy being touched, although in this case, they may have made a patriotic exception...

Via Radar.

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Sloppy Seconds: Demi Moore And Her Boob Squirt

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Strip clubs in Denver are reporting a decline in business... just since the DNC began.

Why is anyone surprised Axl Rose doesn't bother with pickup lines? If we were him, we wouldn't either... although, um, we probably still wouldn't put it quite like he did.

Scariest headline of the day, via CNN: Airline removes life vests to lighten load

Sheryl Crow, Stevie Wonder and "i.am" John Legend join obvious choice will.i.am to close out tonight's convention.

We barely even remember hearing about this movie, and now it's getting a sequel?

Your boyhood idols: where are they now?

Just in case, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty has canceled his weekend interviews.

Kimora Lee Simmons denies she's pregnant. Meaning someone reportedly cared enough to print that she may have been.

Do you believe this story:

Madonna's brother Christopher Ciccone has accused Demi Moore of deliberately squirting breast milk at his gay friends.

We don't.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:01:00 GMT

Think this'll stop those incessant rumors about Clay Aiken?

You know it was bound to happen sooner or later... we just wish people had gotten used to the idea of California's gay marriages before they have to get used to the idea of California gay divorces.

Speaking of California, damn place is s'crazy, man's gotta run a brothel to supplement his assistant principal gig. (That's a Johnny Cash reference, in case you were wondering.)

A judge tossed a hardcore Christian's lawsuit against his former company, saying the man had insufficient evidence to back up his claim to having been fired for refusing to join co-workers for a night out at a strip club.

Espresso Gone Wild will have to cover up or stop serving coffee in Washington state.

A woman in Tennessee won local office with the one and only vote in that race: her own.

You probably already heard, but just in case: Bernie Mac, 50, died over the weekend after a bout of pneumonia and Isaac Hayes was found dead at 65 near his still-running treadmill.

M.I.A. is taking some flack for her supposed support for a terrorist group.

And who the fuck makes a fuss about a pregnant woman being sexy? This is beyond stupid, even for a conservative-leaning country like England: customer complaints forced the female owner of a lingerie shop to remove a mannequin with a "baby bump."

She told BBC Look North: "It started with people looking in the window and making comments outside and they told me their points of view that they found it offensive.
"Other shop traders also told me that people were saying to them that it was offensive and that I should cover her up or move her.
"So I put a camisole on Emily and someone else made another comment, saying that they could still see the bump, so I put her in the corner of the shop away from the window."

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Top 10 Songs To Strip To, As Voted By Guys

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:36:00 GMT

It's missing "You Can Leave Your Hat On" by Randy Newman and "Pasties and a G-String" by Tom Waits, but otherwise, we can generally agree with this I-Village list...

"Pony" by Ginuwine

"Eyes Without a Face" by Billy Idol

"I'm a Slave 4 U" by Britney Spears

"Buttons" by the Pussycat Dolls

"Closer" by Nine Inch Nails

"She's Always In My Hair" by D'Angelo

"Sex (I'm a)" by Lovage

"Hot In Herre" by Nelly

"Justify My Love" by Madonna

"Cream" by Prince

What do you think: Would you pick a different Madonna song or a different Prince song? What's the song you strip to... or you wish someone would strip to for you?

Via I-Village.

Iowa Strip Club Features 17-Year-Old Dancer, Claims Artistic License

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 14:33:00 GMT

In Iowa, in the land where they let the children cry, a man is on trial after police learned a seventeen-year-old girl had twice performed at his strip club... or is it his performing arts center?

Clarence Judy owns a venue called Shotgun Geniez in the town of Hamburg. (We had to check to make sure this was, in fact, in the United States and not Germany before writing this.) No one is questioning this or the central event of the case, that

a 17-year-old got on stage at Shotgun Geniez and danced fully nude twice the night of July 21, 2007. The pivotal question was whether or not that was permissible under the Iowa law that exempts theaters, concert halls, art centers, museums, or similar establishments from public decency laws.

Judy argues that, for several reasons, he isn't responsible for what happened, claiming that because performers are independent contractors, they are not employees. He also says they are not required to perform in the nude, although he admits that most attendees are there for the T&A. He hands out sketchbooks, which is hilarious bullshit from our point of view, hoping that either a) patrons will draw the models like it's some sort of night class or b) people will actually believe he's trying to turn his girls into artistic nudes.

Judy testified that the girl was snuck into the club by her friends and that he didn’t see her go in.

“If I would have seen her I would have ID’ed her because I didn’t know her,” he said in court.

He said the group of eight was crammed into the small entry way and blocked his view from the window purposefully.

The venue's website calls itself a "Sensual Entertainment Theater," although the web address contains the phrase "stripclub": http://shotgungeniez.iowastripclubs.com/

Via Nebraska City News-Press (Iowa.)