Scanner : sports

Manny Ramirez Takes Performance Enhancing Drugs...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 21:35:00 GMT

...the other kind.

LA Dodger superslugger Manny Ramirez has been banned from playing in the team's next 50 Major League Baseball games after he was found to have ingested a legal substance under the advice of his doctor. The drug? We'll give you one guess as to what it's for...

Ramirez released the following statement Thursday morning: “Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was okay to give me. Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now. I do want to say one other thing; I’ve taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons.

A Major League baseball official said that if Ramirez had a legitimate need for a drug on the banned list, he could have applied for a therapeutic exemption. Ramirez, the official said, did not ask for one.

Have you figured out what dumbass, who is expected to lose out on something insane like $7-8 million dollars for this error in judgment, took to help himself out?

...two sources said the substance Ramirez tested positive for was a gonadotropin. Major League baseball’s list of banned substances includes the gonadotropins LH and HCG, which are most commonly used by women as fertility drugs. They also can be used to trigger testosterone production. Testosterone is depleted by steroid use, and low testosterone can cause erectile dysfunction.

“Testosterone and similar drugs are effective for erectile dysfunction in that they jazz up your sex drive,” said Charles Yesalis, a professor at Penn State who has testified before Congress on issues of performance-enhancing drugs. “But far more clinicians accept that affect with Viagra and Cialis. It’s hard for me to understand if it was erectile dysfunction why they would use it.”

So, let me get this straight: Viagra and Cialis are not banned by the MLB, so he used a substance that was? Dude, it wasn't worth it for the extra testosterone-- blood flow from ED drugs would've been a wiser move. Too late now.

Via Yahoo! Sports.

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Emily Farris — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 18:02:00 GMT

[Image]

This Week in Gayness: The Homophobic Celebrity Ad You Missed

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 18:45:00 GMT

The vandalization of a gay youth center on Long Island is being investigated as a possible hate crime.

Fleshbot has TV's hottest girl-on-girl makeout moments.

Cops are cruising dudes at New York City sex shops. The undercovers are entrapping them for prostitution charges by mentioning that they will pay for sex, then waiting approximately two seconds before other cops jump the gay guys and arrest them.

A junkie is whining that gays adopted her kids.

Is it time to boycott Fedex?

Gay marriage is legal in Canada, but even that didn't stop a Manitoba doctor for refusing to even treat lesbians.

Meanwhile, in another part of Canada, an interesting decision on sperm donors.

ESPN produced an ad starring Shaquille O'Neal that will blow your mind, once you realize it was made in the 21st century.

And new Illinois Governor Patrick Quinn keeps looking better and better: turns out he's a big fan of the gays.

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Tucson Gets the Shaft-- Literally-- During the Super Bowl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:53:00 GMT

Talk about adding insult to injury. Not only were Arizona Cardinals fans distraught over the last minute victory of their rivals, the Pittsburgh Steelers, they also had to contend with a sudden interruption in Comcast's service right after the big touchdown.

But it's not the interruption itself that had people so pissed off-- it's what they interrupted the game for...

Just after the Cardinals scored their go-ahead touchdown, Comcast subscribers in the Tucson area had a moment that makes us forget all about boring ol' Nipplegate. Check it out:

Then all of a sudden, the screen freezes up... and this is what we see:

This porn movie features a big dick that's taking forever to come out of this star's pants. We'll spare you the peen, which flops around on screen...

Top Photo: Barton Silverman/NY Times.

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More Naked Rugby Dudes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 20:20:00 GMT

Powerade is celebrating its new official sponsorship of the Rugby Football Union by featuring three buck naked stars in their latest ads.

The players, Paul Sackey, Steve Borthwick and Shane Williams, are seen from the back in positions of "action"-- and, unfortunately, it's not that kind of "action."

(By the way, the actual ads are banner ads of these photos, with the word "Powerade" on the right side. Nothing special other than the pics.)

As you know, we've been following the recent trend of blatant nudity to sell unrelated products, which have mostly featured female porn stars so far. This is one of the few we've spotted in which naked dudes are the featured attraction...

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Venus and Serena Williams Pretend Not to Enjoy Happy Streaker

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 19:11:00 GMT

Venus and Serena Williams were taking a break from mopping the courts with their opponents at the Australian Open on Friday when... oh Jesus...

Here's some grainy, soundless video footage of the streaker who embarrassed security by getting right up in the personal space of the two tennis superstars. The man's junk appears to be censored, but really, the quality is so atrocious you wouldn't know the difference.)

Tennis hotties are frequent victims of dudes who should stick to posting dick pics on Craig's List for gratification. The most memorable ones are depicted in these news photos, from 2006 and 2000, respectively, and both are believed to have been during Anna Kournikova matches:

Don't miss the facial expressions on, well, just about everyone in the crowd...

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Nipplegate II: The Russian Skater Shocker

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 17:26:00 GMT

Ekaterina Rubleva, a Russian figure skater, was competing in Helsinki, Finland the other day when her single-strap dress caused a Janet Jackson moment on national television.

But unlike the Jackson/Timberlake scandal, this was an unintentional consequence of a skimpy dress. (Although, if you think about it, what the hell was Rubleva thinking wearing a dress like that while whirrling all over the ice? No wonder it slipped.) Best part of all, no one was embarrassed by this, including Finnish conservatives and Rubleva herself, who merely smiles and shakes her head when the dance is completed.

Here's a video of their routine-- key moments come around 1:45 and 4:20.

Top via this link; bottom photo via this link.

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One Pro Cheerlearder Urges Another to Lay Off the Animals

Colleen Kane — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:20:00 GMT

Former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader/ current NBA scout Bonnie-Jill Laflin took exception to the extra-cheerleading activities of Tennessee Titans' Melissa Hodges. Hodges works in an animal lab that guillotines rats, so Laflin wrote her a letter urging her to change her ways, which can be downloaded from PETA's blog.

Here's a video of Bonnie-Jill talking about her animal-rights concerns, intercut with footage of her posing in a G-string. PETA's so predictable.

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(Bonkers) Woman Ejected From Giants Game For Big Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:18:00 GMT

You may have heard about the crazy, fame-hungry Sondra Fortunato and her attempt to make a football game worth watching this week.

Sondra wore fishnets, a Santa Suit, and ginormous fake boobies to the delight of Giants fans both at the stadium and on TV. For her troubles, she was unceremoniously booted from the game.

From her sadly-designed website:

Sondra has been honored to represent Miss Liberty @ certain functions. Her main area is character modeling & print. It seems where evershe goes people know her and receive her warmly, after all she is part of the show. [All typos and spelling/grammatical errors are hers.]

The Giants management disagreed with that self assessment. They objected to her tiara, leather boots, bathing suit... and Santa top. "Can't you come to the stadium dressed like a normal person?" The self-proclaimed Miss Football is unaware of her odd fashion sense, and so was baffled that anyone would think she was gross. "I guess some ladies got jealous and complained," she told the New York Post with a shrug.

Via various sources.

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You Lucky Londoners Get To See The Transvestite Mexican Midget Wrestling Match

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:57:00 GMT

How often do you get to see transvestite little people in wolverine masks beating the Christ out of each other in a famed British theater?

The Roundabout in ol' Camden town is trumpeting the return of lucha libre wrestling, which you know of from that ridiculous Jack Black movie. The matches begin Saturday night and continue through Tuesday, with tickets to see "Cassandra" selling out in a hurry...

After football (bizarrely known as "soccer" in America), lucha libre is the second-favorite sport of Mexico, which may explain why we haven't heard of it here. If it works, Americans don't want anything to do with it-- like the metric system and universal healthcare. Then again, most countries, including ours, wouldn't know what to make of Cassandra(o), who, according to the Sun, enters the ring in a woman's bathing suit and pantyhose.

In an interview he gave to the paper nearly two decades after coming out in the heavily-Catholic country, Cassandra looked back on a glorious career:

“When I first walk down the aisle, to go to the ring, people start whistling at me, calling me names and saying: ‘What is that?’ But once they see me doing my Lucha Libre, they forget about the gay thing. In fact after the match they bow at me and even ask for kisses and hugs! It proves that you should never judge before you actually meet somebody.”

Godspeed, Cassandra, godspeed... and good luck against "Lubito!"

Middle photo via Getty Images.

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The Cleveland Cavaliers Cheerleader Photo Scandal Is Silly, Still Hot

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:48:00 GMT

This wouldn't even be a scandal if the cheerleader in question wasn't in the tub with another naked woman.

Although who are we kidding? We'd post these photos with or without a legitimate reason.

Seems this cheerleader for the Cleveland Cavs (that's a basketball team, you nerds), which whipped the asses of the New York Knicks last night, is overshadowing star player Lebron James with some unwanted publicity of her own. The blog The Dirty and nude connoisseur Don Chavez have hunted down the risque photos that have caused an uproar in Ohio's world of non-competitive cheerleading...

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House Party 2! Is Bill Headed Back to the Future II (Too)?

Scanner Matt — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 18:49:00 GMT

I apologize for the lame sequel references, but these movies did come about just around the time Bill Clinton started strategizing for the presidency.

In a recent interview Bill Clinton hinted at a position for himself in Barack Obama's cabinet. We highly doubt Obama would let this happen, but sometimes there is no resisting Slick Willy's hypnotic charm.

As we all know Hillary Clinton is in, and has accepted the position of Secretary of State in the Obama White House, but what's Bill doing these days? He claims, "I'll just try to be a helpful sounding board to her, but I don't think I'll do any more than that," as he told CNN on a trip to Hong Kong.

He spoke about what a tough decision it was for Hillary to leave the Senate (or more likely her original strategy for running in 2012) and the challenges she will face as the new SOS.

But this man works in mysterious ways. He did say he would just hang back unless (UNLESS... UNLESSS... ) Obama "asks me to do something specific, which I'm neither looking for nor closed to."

He's open. All you have to do is say the word, Obama, and the Wonder Twins will activate.

As Doc says to Marty in Back to the Future II, "Be careful around that Griff character. He's got a few short circuits in his bionic implants."

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"Step Right Up! Enter Our Prostitution Raffle..."

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 19:44:00 GMT

An adviser at Ohio State was arrested in his friend's home for organizing and operating a $10-a-ticket raffle for a night with a young prostitute.

This is one of those stories that just improves with every emerging detail...

Christopher Johnson, who works as an adviser at OSU's nursing school, was busted for promoting prostitution after launching the raffle through a Craigslist posting, then throwing a party for ticketholders at his friend Rusty Blades' house. Unfortunately, "Rusty Blades" is a real estate agent and not a porn star, although we're totally reserving the right to use the name in perpetuity.

Here's the kicker: the alleged prostitute is 31-year-old Vanise Dunn, who is child sex-abuse worker at the local Childrens Services center. Hot damn!

Photo of OSU coeds for illustrative purposes only.

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More Nude Rugby Calendar Dudes For The Holidays

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:42:00 GMT

We'll always blog about nude rugby players and their calendars, particularly if the calendars are a charitable endeavor...

In an age when young starlets take their clothes off in a surefire attempt at jump-starting their careers, we should be ignoring them and pay more attention to people like the men of the Gloucester and Westbury-on-Severn rugby squads, both of which agreed to pose for arty black-and-white pinup shots, with no monetary or career-boosting awards whatsoever.

Check out the two photos that have been sent out to the press. The first is of a Gloucester team member named Andy Hazell (any relation to Keeley?); the second, butt shots of the Westbury boys:

We have no idea where one might be able to purchase these calendars, so if you have that info, please pass it along and we'll share it here.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 14:01:00 GMT

A woman who selflessly built homes for Katrina victims is CNN's Hero of the Year, an award which is obviously way cooler than Time's Person of the Year.

However, you look at it, this company is in deep shit: a radio station is being sued after a Win A Date With A Great Guy contest ended in the unlucky winner being raped. One commenter: "Is the radio station [really] responsible for doing a through criminal background check? What's a 24 year old woman dating a 46 year old man anyway?" Answers: possibly and we have no clue whatsoever.

Here it is, the annual annoying survey of the Top 10 stars you'd like to invite over for Thanksgiving...

1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Tina Fey
3. Ellen DeGeneres + Portia De Rossi
4. Patrick Dempsey
5. Suri Cruise
6. Tyra Banks
7. Jonas Brothers
8. Keira Knightley
9. Beyonce Knowles
10. Robert Pattinson

Barack Obama joked he's going to throw his "weight around" regarding college football playoff rules. Isn't it great to have a President(-elect) whose kidding doesn't make you scream in horror?

Remember that big Hollywood wiretap scandal involving Tom Cruise and some other celebrities? The culprit was sentenced to three years in prison.

Biden does appear to be setting up his Senate seat for his son to take over in 2010.

93% of respondents to a Fark survey said they prefer real boobs to fake ones. Duh. It would've been more of a story if the question was, "Which do you prefer: small natural boobs or big enhanced boobs?"

And you could win a $500 gift card to Ikea and a date with one of the guys from Pavement.

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:31:00 GMT

Michael Lohan can't beat up any celebrities until his parole ends.

Mac users, rejoice: a compendium of shortcuts to the rescue.

You may be jealous over who Emily Blunt has shacked up with... we'll remain positive by saying he's at least cooler than Michael Buble...

A source tells the magazine, "They ordered room service, took long walks and spent every second together. John really cares for Emily - he totally fawns over her. And she's loving the attention. She's a down-to-earth girl, but it's nice to be treated so well."

It's John Krasinski, who is one of the few guys we wouldn't hate for getting to have breakfast in bed with Emily Blunt...

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Eva Longoria's diet plan? Get rid of meat and stick with the fish.

We can do better than some of these Famous People's Personalized Credit Cards, can't we? Although we dig the Michael Vick one.

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Sloppy Seconds: The Sheep Beauty Pageant

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 21:37:00 GMT

Everyone in this British man's Spanish town was arrested on corruption charges, so now he's the mayor. A bad Jim Carrey movie is already in the works, we're sure.

This is either the grossest or funniest thing in ages, we can't decide.

The latest nonsense rumor about Led Zeppelin...

Chris Cornell addressed rumors he'd tour with Led Zeppelin: "I have not been approached to fill in for Robert Plant on the upcoming Zeppelin tour, but that isn't to say I won't be."

There's nothing else to do there, so Saudi Arabia held a sheep beauty pageant.

Is Kathleen Edwards filing for divorce?

Why would anyone give Joe the Plumber a book deal? This guy will be a footnote on November 5th, no matter who wins.

Nikki Taylor got knocked up. In other news, Nikki Taylor is still considered newsworthy.

Sarah Palin needs to stay away from sports fans, for the last time. Especially Pennsylvanian sports fans.

Our favorite sign of the week.

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Sloppy Seconds: Phillies Fan Gives Her Team A Big Boost

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 21:29:00 GMT

Vietnam believes small chests are unhealthy and that thin people shouldn't operate motor vehicles. Believe it or not, this is a health initiative.

T.I. voted in Georgia, despite being a convicted felon and a guy we didn't think would ever show up to vote.

This top 10 list of "Things I Hate Absolutely Hate About Heteronormative Dating" doesn't always hit the nail on the head, but these entries we can agree with:

3. If you show emotion too early on or too much of it, you are needy.

8. If you have sex too early you ruined it.

9. If you don't have sex early on you are a prude.

The rest can be found here.

A man stole a male "enhancement" cream (in quotes because it doesn't do anything-- or so we've heard, we swear), tried it out in the store's bathroom, failed to satisfy himself, checked out the Barbie dolls, exposed himself in the aisle, and returned to the bathroom to try again. Yep, that's pretty much all there is to that story.

This guy is either drunk or a McCain campaign worker trying to muck things up.

That naughty Shakira... she made everything think she was pregnant, but it turned out it was just a publicity stunt for her new album. Blah.

And today's Miss CoEd at CoEd magazine is Erika Nicole, who really wants the Phillies to win tonight, so much show that she's willing to leak dozens of photos of herself in very little clothing to give the team a morale, um, boost.

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Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:51:00 GMT

Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama on Meet the Press. He pointed out the Senator is and has always been a Christian... and so what if he was a Muslim?

A gym teacher posed as a lesbian model to try to get his student to send him a nude self-portrait.

Jon Stewart has only one thing to say to Sarah Palin... and he can't say it on TV...

That's right... he tells Sarah Palin: "Fuck you." The full transcript of this almost completely garbled video is here.

Guess how much a tennis lesson with Andy Roddick costs? A million bucks, right? That's what you'd think, but not only is it a mere 15 g's, Roddick is throwing in a nudity option as well.

You know how much we love pranks.

The shortlist for the Oscars' Best Foreign Language Film nominees was announced, although we don't think many of them will see release in the U.S. for a while.

A man was charged with taking a leak in a police car and spitting on a cop. The man was, of course, butt naked at the time.

And a bunch of cheerleaders were busted for hitting the bottle before The Big Game. Wait, some teenagers aren't drunk the night before a big game? That's not the America we know and love...

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Swedish Hockey Fans Bombard Player With Dildo Parade

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:01:00 GMT

And you thought Boston Bruins fans were brutal.

This 34-year-old Swedish hockey star now has another reason to regret the release of his own sex tape: opposing teams capitalizing on it and bombarding him with one of the tape's most prominent props...

The rundown: After player Jan Hukko had his cell phone stolen, a sex tape which had been on the phone's memory was uploaded to the internet. Then Hukko returned to play a game against his former team, AIK... and things took a bizarre turn, according to The Local:

Ahead of Tuesday’s match against Leksand, the website for AIK’s unofficial supporter group had instructed fans to bring dildos to the match to remind Huokko of the sex scandal which plagued him earlier in the year, according to the Expressen newspaper.

But back in June, Huokko’s reputation for “scoring” took on a different twist when a sexually-charged video clip featuring the 34-year-old blueliner and his girlfriend ended up on the internet.

These photos from the event say it all: dildos thrown on the ice, a giant inflatable penis (ah, we've seen bigger), and a nasty banner met Hukko upon arrival.

Big surprise: Hukko's team lost the game, 3-2.

Via The Local.

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University of Wisconsin Disappears Into A Haze Of Substance Abuse And Good Times!

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 15:40:00 GMT

The entire-- yes, every last member-- of the University of Wisconsin marching band has been suspended indefinitely as part of an investigation into the sexual and alcoholic abuse going on among its makeup.

This isn't the first time these "damn kids!" have been in trouble with authority figures...

According to NBC Sports:

In February 2007 the marching band’s assistant director Michael Lorenz resigned after an internal report criticized his treatment of a female colleague during a rowdy band trip to Michigan in 2006.
Reports of band members’ hazing, alcohol use and inappropriate sexual behavior prompted the university to put the band on probation after the trip.
Then-Chancellor John Wiley threatened band members with losing performance and travel privileges.
Wiley, in an October 2006 letter to Leckrone, called band members’ behavior “boorish to patently dangerous and unlawful.”

Apparently, no one has ever seen Animal House. Comparatively, this is a Bible retreat... although God only knows what deviant sexual activities go on after the witching hour at one of those events.

Meanwhile, back to Wisconsin... the charges against the 2008 marching band edition include "hazing, alcohol abuse and sexual misconduct," according to officials at the University. Unfortunately, they were unwilling to divulge any more juicy details, but we can use our imaginations... just like we did after seeing American Pie with Alyson Hannigan and her band camp escapades...

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Scanner Contest: Name The Celebrity Packages

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 18:15:00 GMT

Ah, the timeless rainy day game... Guess The Penis has been around since the time of Macbeth or possibly McCain... today, we're going to see City Rag's "Moose Knuckle Safari" and raise them one more...

Be the first to name the honorable packages correctly (or name the most) by Monday, 10/6 at 9am and you'll win a bottle of KY, two Durex fun condoms, and a strip of Trojans, all courtesy of The Pleasure Chest in Los Angeles, New York, and Chicago.

1) Hint: if you were reading Scanner last month...

2) Hint: golf isn't the sport we most identify this dude('s balls) with...

3) Hint: a Hollywood star... who likes to show off down South...

4) This little boy lost is an up-and-comer. We're referring to the actor in possession of this penis, of course...

5) Hint: it's "arena" sized...

Your guesses in the comments section.

See more packages at City Rag. Thanks, CB!

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Naked Women of Curling... 2008!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:26:00 GMT

Can you believe it's been three years since photographer Ana Arce founded the Women of Curling calendar and caused millions around the world to sit up and exclaim, "Wait, what the hell is curling again?"

Now Arce is back, with what, based on these exclusive snaps, promises to be her best year ever...

First, we present you the photographer herself, who is a Spanish curler and may have been our Crush of the Week if that alleged hacker hadn't stolen Scanner Emily's heart...

...followed by a few favorites from the past and present calendars...

On the safe for work end, we particularly enjoy this mermaid... and less sfw, this tree dweller.

You can check out all of the models at Arce's page announcing the calendar. Her press release states that the 2009 fundraiser edition, entitled Fire On Ice, is available now via Curling News... and, best of all, it's a whopping 36 months long...

All photos by Ana Arce.

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Who Would You Rather: A-Rod vs. Guy Ritchie?

Emily Farris — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 20:59:00 GMT

Now that Alex Rodriguez's divorce is settled, Madonna could pretty much have her way with him—if she hasn't already, if she even still wants to. Except, there's that whole pesky issue of her husband, Guy Ritchie. If you were Madonna, who would you pick? Or even if you weren't Madonna (because you're not) who would you rather: A-Rod or Guy Ritchie?

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NFL Player Accidentally Posts Photo Of His Penis On His Blog

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Above, is a photo Washington Redskins tight end Chris Cooley posted on his blog, minus about 2%, which we've cropped out...

What's missing from this pic, now that it's only 98% of the original? The same thing that's missing from all photoblogs...

We were alerted to Cooley's public humiliation when he posted the following note on his website yesterday afternoon, under the title "We're Dumb." (Way to go, Chris, trying to make it look like it could've been someone else's dingaling by using the term "we.")

All apologies from the website. We are very sorry that we showed a penis on our website all day yesterday. That was by no means our intention and we did not want to offend anyone. The picture wouldn't have been up for so long, but we were in the middle of winning a big game. Once again, this was a complete accident and we regret not reviewing the post more closely. Thanks.

Cooley, we know it was you. You poor, poor bastard... although congrats on that big win!

All bloggers take heed: if you're naked and taking pictures or video, this could be you. (Not that we want you to stop...)

Via Chris Cooley. Photos via various hackers.

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Fun With The Interwebs: Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:39:00 GMT

It was only a matter of time before someone put together a Sarah Palin baby name generator. Click through for our name and how you can make yours.

Scanner Emily's Sarah Palin Baby Name is Mustache Warthog Palin. Kinda' makes us think we have a chance to really make something of ourselves someday.

Then we tried putting in Scanner, which is already a Palin baby name of sorts, but if Scanner were born to the Palins we'd be Sport Grunt Palin. God, our future would have been so different...

What's yours?

[Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator]

Hot or Not: Lingerie Football League?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:34:00 GMT

In a move that team owners are calling "True Fantasy Football," some burly middle-aged guys think they have unleashed the greatest new sport.

Forget the XFL. Forget Arena Football or even boring College Football. (We have.) The real threat to the NFL's stranglehold on the pigskin is a gimmick that combines dreaming about Victoria's Secret models and the other favorite male pastime: watching football on your fat ass...

Perhaps you heard about the Lingerie Bowl, taking place as a sort of alternative halftime show near the stadiums where the Super Bowl is held? Well, apparently, the virus is spreading... the LFL (as it may or may not be called in shorthand) has turned itself into a full-on league, with ten franchise teams and a major Lingerie Bowl in Tampa next year. As if Florida is in enough danger from criminals who host yard sales consisting of electronics they stole from their next door neighbors, a closeted homosexual Republican governor who pretends to be getting married, hurricanes, butterfly ballots, and a flooded coastline, they now have lingerie-clad football players helping usher in the apocalypse.

Then again, if this is what the apocalypse looks like, there's a soundbite that George W. Bush once stole from a Kirsten Dunst movie that we think might be appropriate here...

Some images via The Superficial, most of the bad ones via the actual LFL site.

Related:

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Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Naked Rugby

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Sloppy Seconds: Matthew Broderick And Sarah Jessica Parker On The Run?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:25:00 GMT

John McCain waited for Obama to buy $5 million in ad to air during the Olympics before making his own $6 million buy. He'll do the same thing, kinda, with his VP choice.

Charlie Sheen, the highest paid actor on TV (hang your heads in shame, everyone), paid a doctor bill with loose change.

Lindsay Lohan's Dad is in the news again...

...this time he says because of his supposed "Christian values," he must refuse to walk his lesbian daughter down the aisle.

Baseball hasn't been this hip since the fifties: Wilco played "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" at Wrigley last night, during the 7th inning stretch.

A man has been jailed for "fondling himself" while running naked after a garbage truck. Guess we're not hip enough to be up to date on the latest fetishes.

Grand Theft Auto is back under the microscope after a kid killed a cab driver to see if real life is anything like his favorite game.

Amanda Peet says people should ignore the advice of famous actors and listen to her advice instead. In other news, Amanda Peet is apparently not an actor.

And Matthew Broderick and-- gasp!-- SJP may have to leave New York (scandal!) or at least find a new place to live because the paparazzi won't leave the couple alone. It doesn't help that your husband is probably cheating on you, Ms. Parker.

Crush of the Week: GTA IV's Lollipop Girl

Songs of Love and Hate: V-Day Edition

Did Eliot Spitzer Get Charlie Sheen's Sloppy Seconds?

Charlie Sheen In Today's (Second?) Biggest Hooker Scandal

Michael Lohan Sells Out Lindsay Once Again

Bulgarian Wrestlers Win Big... Are Big

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 16:14:00 GMT

In light of the 2008 Beijing Olympics we give you Stanka Zlateva of the Bulgarian Olympic Women's Wrestling Team. Here she is wrestling a woman at a village feast. But Stanka is not wrestling for fun, no no. She has a much higher purpose....

Meat!

That's right. After her opponents were vanquished, Stanka feasted!

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:01:00 GMT

...which begs the obvious question... what were these knuckleheads doing actually watching the game?

Minnie Driver publicly thanked the biggest bunch of airheaded surfer dudes for their heroic efforts after video aired of the beach bums pounding some paparazzi into submission. The very pregnant Driver was trying to enjoy a day on the beach when privacy-invading photographers swept in with their long lenses. Check out the story and video, complete with full "don't photo me, bro" goodness.

There's a new movie playing in London about a boat orgy that ends when one guy hits a girl in the back of the head during sex and kills her. The title? "Donkey Punch," of course.

Is Grey's Anatomy going to kill off Katherine Heigel's character?

[S]taffers are considering giving her character, Dr. Izzie Stevens, a brain tumor.
“[Producer] Shonda [Rhimes] and the writers are pissed at her [for dissing them after she refused to be considered for an Emmy, saying the past season's material was terrible],” the source tells Us. “It’s their way of screwing with her. She won’t know whether she’s going to live or die.”

Wired is really hyping their cover story on Julia Allison-- we've seen three ads online for it just in the last day. Apparently the editors were unaware the rest of the media covered this story back in the 2006 era.

A man claims he found a seven-inch knife in his sandwich in a New York City Subway restaurant. We're not sure why he's complaining-- we've found far worse things in ours...

Saturday's Blue Jays game was apparently not Bobblehead Doll Day, as advertised, but rather Topless Blond In A Hotel Overlooking The Field Day. The Ottawa Sun, which broke the story, has a full rundown of other similar incidences at the Renaissance Inn:

May 1990
During a Blue Jays game, hotel security and police throw out a man who was seen masturbating behind a hotel room window that overlooked the baseball diamond. Police said the man thought he was behind a one-way window.
May 1990
A couple has sex in one of the 70 hotel rooms overlooking a ball game attended by 55,000 fans. The couple -- who apparently weren't aware they could be seen with the lights off -- were "mortified." The incident received media attention around the world, including five minutes on The Arsenio Hall Show.
The Jays lost.
May 1995
In front of 40,000 fans, a couple has sex in a chair right next to the window overlooking the field during the 7th inning of a Jays-Royals match. The couple were seen right above the then-Jumbotron (now the Rogers Centre videoboard).
The Jays lost.

And more at the Ottawa Sun website.