Scanner : spencer pratt

Heidi Montag Nude In Playboy?

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:02:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Word is she and Spencer are in negotiations with Hef...

Sloppy Seconds: Free Boobs!

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:36:00 GMT

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has a penchant for pretty women (what politician doesn't?). And it's a source of "suffering" for his wife, Veronica Lario, she wrote in an open letter. [Yahoo!]

Simon Cowell joked that he's "secretly in love" with fellow American Idol judge Paula Abdul. And we wouldn't be all that surprised if he jerked off to the "Cold Hearted Snake" video back in the day... or if he still does. [Us]

After her double mastectomy, breast cancer survivor Christina Applegate says she still feels sexy, especially because her boyfriend, Dutch bass player Martyn Lenoble loves her "from head to toe." [People]

Is there no more bromance in the world? Chace Crawford is apparently looking to move out of the pad he shares with Gossip Girl co-star Ed Westwick. [PageSix]

Everyone can stop worrying about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. They're taking the necessary precautions to prevent catching swine flu (the swine flu?) while on their honeymoon in Mexico. Whew. We know we'll sleep better tonight knowing they're okay. [MTV]

Did California pageant officials buy homophobic Miss California, Carrie Prejean, new breasts? And if so, how do we get some? [Defamer]

Sloppy Seconds: Snipped Here, Screwed There

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 23:18:00 GMT

Do you drunk text even though you shouldn't because it always ends badly? Yeah, so do we. Perhaps that's why we're so amused by Texts From Last Night, a new website that encourages you to submit those drunken texts you sent or received. [TFLN]

A small earthquake hit the Bay Area today. [The Inquisitr]

John Mayer would like everyone to know that he is very single. [Us]

And Miley Cyrus would like you to know that she is not dating Nick Jonas. [People]

Melissa Keeton and Shelly Wolfe were issued the first same-sex marriage license in Iowa today, after the state legalized gay marriage earlier this month. [USA Today]

Some guy we've never heard of is TIME's most influential person of the year. Turns out that though we've never heard of him we were sort-of influenced by him. [TIME]

Watch the trailer for "Partly Private," a documentary about how we view circumcision in the Western World. [Partly Private]

We've probably paid more in fees to Bank of America than we made last year. If you have too, you should tell your story to the SEIU. [ScrewedbyBofA.org]

And that picture had nothing to do with anything in this post. We just thought it was too hilarious to pass up. [Defamer]

While You Were Sleeping: Facebook vs. Lesbians

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Don't forget to right-click the links to open them in a new window...

The latest victim of Fox is Pedro Almodovar?

It's almost impossible to get a perfect score on the SAT-- how impossible would it be to get perfect scores on the PSAT, ACT, and SATs?

We wonder why this worm sign fail isn't as common in Louisiana. And, by the way, we had a great first weekend of Jazz Fest.

David Letterman wants to see Lauren Conrad's rumored/long-awaited sex tape.

That meanie Miss California is now a folk hero among ignorant religious bigots.

The latest worldwide fad: that fun-lovin' swine flu thing.

90% of teenagers have cell phones these days, effectively making the previous generation the last one to prefer the physical presence of their friends.

Madonna is the hardest workin' mama in the biz.

Does Facebook have something against lesbians?

The TV couple you hate the most were legally married on Saturday in Pasadena.

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

PapSmeared: Spencer and Heidi Help the Homeless, Themselves

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 16:22:00 GMT

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Scrubs & Friends

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:18:00 GMT

Denis Leary can't escape controversy if he tries.

Geffen is blaming Axl Rose for the flop that is Chinese Democracy. Releasing the album exclusively to Best Buy stores and not really promoting that fact may not have been the blockbuster idea of the century either, dumbass.

Someone send these people a lifetime supply of birth control pills, stat: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag want to have children.

Friends guest stars are trying to boost the ratings of just about every show. Now, Courtney Cox is guesting on the January 6 episode of Scrubs.

MTV is feeling the crunch-- and so will its employees.

Iraqi women are back on the road.

Jessica Alba + swimsuits + Campari is an ad campaign we can get behind.

And Paris Hilton's second album may not come out. Pass the Campari, baby!

Related:

9-Year-Old Boy Teaches You How To Pick Up Girls

Louisiana Teacher Gets Closer to Student By Sleeping with His Father

While You Were Sleeping: Who's #1 on Yahoo?

While You Were Sleeping: What Men Think Women Think Men Want

Why Beyonce Was In No Hurry to Marry Jay-Z

Sloppy Seconds: Secret Celebrity Weddings... Who Done It?

Emily Farris — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 23:12:00 GMT

Fox News just got a little less liberal. (Bet you didn't know that was possible.) Hannity and Colmes will now just be, um, Hannity. [Yahoo]

Dr. Pepper was giving away free soda to celebrate the release of Guns 'N Roses' long-anticipated Chinese Democracy. Apparently, though, the high demand for free drinks crashed the beverage makers' website, leaving rock fans everywhere thirsty and disappointed. [Vulture]

Did you know Jason Lee was married? Neither did we. [Us]

Who else got secretly married?

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. As if you care. Sorry. [People]

R. Kelly's nephew has been charged with attempted murder after a brawl in a barbershop. [MTV]

Was John McCain the only one who didn't know "suspending" his campaign was a terrible idea? Scanner Brian totally called it. [Political Wire]

Scanner Roundtable: The Best and Worst Couple Halloween Costumes

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:23:00 GMT

Our friend and her very new boyfriend, who she's not ready to call her boyfriend, are dressing up as Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson for Halloween. While we tried to convince her that if she's dressing up with a guy, and especially as a couple, he's absolutely her boyfriend, we were also thinking about what fun Halloween costumes for couples can be. Dressing up alone is fine, but playing off of someone else makes it even better.

The most creative we ever got was dressing as a mouse while an ex-boyfriend dressed as a cat. It made for some fun later in the night, but it was pretty boring and overly cute as far as couple Halloween costumes are concerned.

So what do you think? Will the streets be filled with Brangelina wannabees this year or do any of you have amazing couple costumes in mind?

A few ideas, both good and bad, after the jump.

Related:

Because It's Never Too Early to Start Thinking About Slutty Halloween Costumes

**Today in F*ck Yeah: Pacman Halloween Costumes**

Cute Overload Keeps the Pets in Costumes Coming

MyZombiePinup: Get Ready For Halloween '09

Scanner Roundtable: The Costumes That Got Us Laid

[Image, Image, Image, Image]

This'll Really Make You Want To Kill Heidi Montag and Spencer Brat

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:27:00 GMT

There's only one thing that could possibly piss us off more about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.

Nope, it's not supporting McCain (check) or their phony public relationship (check) or their phony, scripted, there's-a-special-place-in-hell reality show (check, we think.) It's finding out how much MTV, which we had assumed was on its last legs, is shelling out for the use of the "talents" of these already-rich assholes...

Defamer had this story two months ago, but it was finally picked up and confirmed by "inside sources" in the mainstream media today, so we can run it without fear it'll turn out to be wrong... or, um, way less money than they are actually being paid, which would be inifinitely more humiliating:

Heidi Montag: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year)
Spencer Pratt: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year)
Audrina Patridge: $35,000 per episode ($665,000 annually)
Whitney Port: $20,000 per episode ($380,000 per season)
Brody Jenner: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 a year)
Lauren “Lo” Bosworth: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 for The Hills Season 4)
Stephanie Pratt: $8,000 per episode ($152,000 for The Hills Season 4)

Shiver. And to think that the cast of Mad Men probably makes $65,000 or so per season... or something inferior and insulting to their talents, at least in comparison to this.

Related:

The Hills Season 4: We Know Someone! And Some Other Stuff, Too

Sloppy Seconds: Lil' Kim To Be A Playboy Centerfold?

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Mendes' New Underwear Modeling Gig

Heidi Montag Endorses McCain; Alarmed GOPers Head For the Hills

While You Were Sleeping: Better To Be Fat And Fit?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:03:00 GMT

What the hell? Toby Keith is a Democrat?! Impossible... maybe a Reagan Democrat, but other than that...

Mark David Chapman said he's sorry about shooting John Lennon multiple times for no reason.

Think fast: name the two most hated "internet micro-celebrities..."

...if you said Julia Allison and Emily Gould, you'd be correct. (Tila Tequila was in 3rd, although we'd say she's safely a "television micro-celebrity" at this point.)

Spencer Pratt's claims that Heidi Montag is still a virgin (wait, a virgin who needed breast implants and already has a boyfriend?) would be laughable enough if someone hadn't discovered irrefutable evidence to the contrary immediately afterward.

First, it was definitely going to be Biden. Then, as we reported yesterday, it was definitely going to be Tim Kaine. But... what if it's Hillary?

Did anyone honestly believe that Bigfoot nonsense?

Roger Moore was a big wuss, even in character as James Bond.

New York Times headline: "Better To Be Fat and Fit Than Skinny and Unfit"

...half of overweight people and one-third of obese people are “metabolically healthy.” That means that despite their excess pounds, many overweight and obese adults have healthy levels of “good” cholesterol, blood pressure, blood glucose and other risks for heart disease.
At the same time, about one out of four slim people — those who fall into the “healthy” weight range — actually have at least two cardiovascular risk factors typically associated with obesity, the study showed.

Sloppy Seconds: Lil' Kim To Be A Playboy Centerfold?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 21:01:00 GMT

The new DIY porn station in Canada is sure to give us lots of blog material over the next several centuries.

A six-year-old boy had the adventure of a lifetime when he was accidentally transported to Mexico. Unfortunately, he didn't have enough money for the "around the world" package the girls were offering him.

A McCain advisor, who thinks the economy is doing spiffy, once invested in porn movies. Well, that's at least one intelligent thing he did that involves money.

Diabetes may have less to do with McDonald's and more to do with your drinking water... at least more than you thought.

Who needs a recap of a Hills episode? We didn't see it, but here's our overview: Heidi and Spencer are silicone robots.

An ex-Mormon is releasing an R-rated movie. This has gotta be juicy...

Lil' Kim, who made out with Hef and previously rejected his lowball offer to pose nude for his magazine, is reportedly ready to accept:

“’I am willing to shell out any amount for Kim, I’ve been trying to get her to do it for years!’ Hugh exclaims. The two have not been shy about their feelings for each other when Hugh was seen kissing Lil’ Kim at a post Grammy party back in 2001.”

“Kim previously declined the offer for the cover citing her religious beliefs and devotion to God, but a source close to Kim says “the only reason why she declined it at the time was because the money was not enough, this time the money is right.”

Related:

German Female Olympians Form Close Bond, Immediately Pose Nude For Playboy

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

Heidi Montag Endorses McCain; Alarmed GOPers Head For the Hills

Male Mormon Missionaries Go Topless For The Hell Of It

Today In WTF: 1970s Kidnapper, Still On The Lam, Turns Up With Cloned Dogs?

Sloppy Seconds: Ron Wood's Mistress In The Buff

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:39:00 GMT

Mrs. Corey Feldman's Playboy shoot and more, after the jump...

If you have a belly button finish, you'll probably be pissed to learn you missed Japan's navel-gazing fest.

Your worst nightmare: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are leaving Hollywood... and may be moving to Your Neighborhood.

Don't worry if you missed the orgy, it didn't turn out to be that great a time.

That nutjob who shot two people during a church performance of "Annie?" His motive wasn't he didn't like liberals. We hope Rush Limbaugh gets sued for wrongful death or ends up going crazy like Jeff Bridges in The Fisher King. Bastards.

Ron Wood, guitar player and real genius behind the current Rolling Stones lineup, almost left his wife of twenty-three-years but luckily got his act together and checked into rehab. The reason he lost his way:

A Democratic legislator from New Jersey has resigned after child porn was found on his computer. His office computer.

An Obama supporter "accidentally" made buttons with the Senator and another famous member of the Chamber: Larry Craig.

Brad Pitt declared war on the stalkers who take photographs of him.

And Susie Feldman, Corey's wife, has done a large Playboy spread that already has the internet hyperventilating. At least in porn land...

The rest of the shoot can be found here.

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Vote In Playboy's Sexiest Female Blogger Poll

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Magazine Fights Censorship With Nude Six-Year-Old Cover Girl

Scanner Highs and Lows: Finders Keepers, Finders Weepers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Oh, the things you'll learn!

HIGHS:

We found porn on Wikipedia.

We found a picture of a very sexy carrot.

We found out about... sommmmeeboddyy'sss birthdaaay!

We discovered a secret pantie run at ASU. Okay, it couldn't have been that secret if hundreds of Arizonians were ready with their cameras when it went down.

We uncovered the ancient art of the VHS tape.

We revealed the identity of Minnie Driver's baby daddy. And no, she's not "fucking Matt Damon."

We learned that homosexuality is a whopping 140 years old!

We began a new contest after finding one of the great dive bars.

LOWS:

We uncovered a Google Map pertaining to the sexual conquests of an individual unfortuantely named "Igor."

We found out that Grey's Anatomy is resorting to raunchy lesbian sex to keep its ratings up. Shame on them?

We discovered the Ugly Models Agency is not really all that bad. It makes us feel ugly, in fact.

Our eyes burned after learning about anal from Spencer Pratt.

We mourned the wonderful news of Scarlett Johansson's enagement.

IN-BETWEENS:

We learned the identity of the owner of a famous third nipple. Actually, everyone cheated by reading the name of the celebrity off the title of the photo. Whoops!

And we learned about America's most sexually satisfying cities. None of them are near us, damn it.

Spencer Pratt Knows a Thing or Seven About Initiating Anal Sex

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 08 May 2008 20:23:00 GMT

Hey, yo, you know who we really want to imagine doing the stinky samba? Spencer Pratt, of course. In honor of Pratt being such a desireable anal sex partner, let's look at what he told Radar Magazine and the world about how to initiate back door loving with the object of your affection.

Spence, when's a good time to ask for anal?

If you're dating a guy, right away. If you're dating girl, I think you'll know pretty quick if she's into that. If they're not bringing it up, it's not something on their agenda. That's just realistic. My boxing coach Dirty Phi says, "If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it's cool."

Who knew Dirty Phi gave such reasonable sex and relationship advice? Thank God Pratt has found such a level headed mentor.

Heidi Montag Endorses McCain; Alarmed GOPers Head For the Hills

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:45:00 GMT

After she endorsed, Spencer Pratt reportedly said, "Nobody cares who Heidi Montag is going to vote for." But could she actually swing the youth vote away from Obama? After all, the Obama-McCain election is going to come down to a handful of votes.

Okay, we're kidding. She ain't gonna do shit. And besides, we have more important things to discuss...

Obama has narrowed Clinton's 26 point lead in Pennsylvania to a mere five points in just three weeks. Some polls have shown Obama with a stastical lead, which we find very difficult to believe since we expect Clinton to win PA no matter what. (And yet other polls shows him still about 10-12 points behind, which is at least progress for the Illinois Senator.) Meanwhile, Slate has set up a Deathwatch on the Clinton campaign, which gives her a statistical 9-percent chance of winning. Ouch.

However, the news isn't all apocalypse for Hill. According to Political Wire, the Senator Who Moved to New York fares better against Grandpa Moses in three major swing states:

Florida: Clinton 44, McCain 42; McCain 46, Obama 37
Ohio: Clinton 48, McCain 39; Obama 43, McCain 42
Pennsylvania: Clinton 48, McCain 40; Obama 43, McCain 39

In other news, retiring Republican Senator Chuck Hagel is dangling an endorsement over Obama's head, for which Obama will probably consider him for the Vice Presidency. While we think this would be a great way for the Democrats to neutralize McCain, the chances of Hagel running against a friend from his own party are extremely slim.

Image via Gawker. Why do her boobs look so much bigger in the above picture?

Johnny Depp and His Penis Will Not Be Shilling Trojans

Emily Farris — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:53:00 GMT

Contrary to popular belief, Johnny Depp and his penis will not be sporting Magnums for your visceral pleasure.

An early April Fool's Day prank, or just another shoddy bit of celebrity "news"? Either way, a spokeswoman for Johnny Depp says the many reports that the actor is considering a multi-million-dollar offer from Trojan to appear in an ad campaign for its Magnum-brand prophylactics are purest bogus.
"There is no truth to this," says the spokeswoman, Robin Baum. "He has not been approached."

While we would all like to think of Johnny Depp's enlarged penis encased in latex, it's not nice to make up stories that may exaggerate the size of his uh, workload. Plus, Johnny's fans probably already know about Trojans-- maybe somebody in the Jamie Lynn Spears-"The Hills" crowd would be more effective.

Wait—did we just seriously suggest the possibility of Spencer Pratt promoting condoms? (Shudder)

[Portfolio: Johnny Depp to Hawk Condoms? Um, No.]

Photo: Time, Inc.

The Hills' Disclaimer: This is Total BS

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:46:00 GMT

We haven't written a lot about "The Hills," the MTV realifake show chronicling the lives of Heidi, Lauren and Spencer, because we haven't watched enough episodes to form a real opinion of the show as a whole. But we have watched enough to know it's pretty much petty, made-up bullshit. Petty, made-up bullshit that we maybe, sometimes enjoy watching.

Now, "The Hills" is being aired in the UK, with the following disclaimer.

‘The following programme may contain scenes that have been created purely for entertainment purposes.”

You don't say? Hey, it's almost like real TV, when we had writers.

[via Songs About Buildings and Food]

Sloppy Seconds: Let's Hire Some Guests for This Sham Wedding

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 19:00:00 GMT

No suprise here: producers are "casting" for participants in Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's wedding.

His/Hers remotes are the most offensive gag gadgets you've seen all day.

Hayden Panettiere is UPSET about dolphin death in Japan
Prostitution or Halloween costume?: Police found Kentucky Catholic school's principal in his car dressed as a woman, wearing bondage gear in a "seedy" part of town.

The best beers to pair with your Thanksgiving meal.

Spencer Pratt Wears Spider-Man Costume Sized to His Ego

sarahhepola — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 17:30:00 GMT

Hey, is this an item about Spencer Pratt? Where the hell did this come from? We apologize for this slip-up, folks, but what can you do? We blame the interns. Anyhoo, here we see The Hills’ Spencer Pratt rocking a Spider-Man costume designed for MC Hammer videos. To his credit? He looks happy as a six-year-old Luke Skywalker. And also, this costume will totally accommodate his upcoming boob job. (via)

Heidi Montag: When Any Attention Is Better Than No Attention

sarahhepola — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 15:10:00 GMT

First, before we talk, an assignment, if you dare. Watch this video of The Hills’ Heidi Montag cavorting around the beach for her new video, being filmed by her boyfriend Spencer Pratt. Props include a jambox, a lot of stripper moves, and a random fisherman.

Done? Okay, let’s talk.

We hate Heidi Montag. But here is the thing about our hatred of Heidi Montag. It somehow involves us being obsessed with Heidi Montag, going immediately to any news item involving her, watching her sing and dance and throw up gang signs. And this has led some people (including our colleague Scanner Nicole) to suggest that we secretly LOVE Heidi Montag. Do we secretly love Heidi Montag? Sigh. It’s complicated. She represents something powerful to us. Something about our culture. When we look at her, we see a window into the hollow, fame-seeking soul of America. Someone who wants fame at any cost. Someone who distorts her body, humiliates herself constantly, cuts herself off from people who care about her in order to obtain this sliver of fame that she somehow sense will fill the dark, empty cavern in her heart. Well, that’s what we see when we watch this video, anyway. And Spencer Pratt? (We know, we promised not to talk about him anymore. THAT WAS A LIE.) Spencer Pratt is like the ultimate pimp slash stage father, and all the hideous things that accompany it. Watching this hurts our heart a little bit. So, anyway, hope you enjoyed that video!

The Last Time We Blog About Spencer Pratt. Oh, Who Are We Kidding?

sarahhepola — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 20:40:00 GMT

Let us tell you three things about Radar’s Q&A with Spencer Pratt from The Hills, and then we will never speak of it again.

1. Spencer Pratt gives a good interview.
2. You could rip off Spencer Pratt’s head, piss down his throat, and he would respond by saying, “I think that shit is hilarious.”
3. We hate to say it, but Spencer Pratt kind of won.

Video of the Day: The Douchebag Song

sarahhepola — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 18:00:00 GMT

One day, possibly tomorrow, we'd like to do an etymology of the word "douchebag." We think it started in caveman times. We've seen the early drawings of hair gel and goatees. We're going to open a bottle of wine, cozy up to William Safire, work on this bad boy. In the meantime, please enjoy "The Douchebag Song." It's no Arcade Fire, but then, even the Arcade Fire isn't really any Arcade Fire.