Scanner : showtime

10 Sexiest Women Over 50 (Part Two)

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:56:00 GMT

We continue our two-part series with some of the screen's top stars... some of whom are still box office draws, despite what the media wants you to believe...

Helen Mirren, 63

Helen Mirren never has to worry about studly husband/director leaving her for one of his younger leading ladies, since none of them can hold a candle to her talent, classiness, sex appeal, and status as an Academy Award-winning screen legend. The above photograph of the star in her bikini last year lit up internet wires across the globe-- for example, our traffic went through the roof the day we posted it. Thank you, Helen Mirren, for being our muse.

Carly Simon, 63

It's been a long time since James Taylor spotted Carly Simon's "incredible long legs" passing by on a summer day in a small Massachusetts town. Since then, she wrote a song about him, "You're So Vain," (or was it Warren Beatty?), won several Grammy's, topped the charts a million times over, and developed a solo career that has long outpaced her (now ex-)husband's. Simon and her gloriously pretty teeth and, we're guessing, still-dynamo gams continue to record and tour... but not often enough.

Susan Sarandon, 62

Tim Robbins whined about not being able to vote as his regular polling site last November, which must've made him feel really ridiculous when he woke up the next morning and realized, "Holy balls! Forget all my troubles-- I'm still sleeping next to the babe from Bull Durham any Playboy's best boobs 1981!" Speaking of those marvelous mams, it's difficult to pull off a dress like that at any age, let alone hers, without causing a media (i.e. tabloid journalism) firestorm, but here she is in all her glory...

Meryl Streep, 59

If anyone out there worries about how their "looks" will hold up at the age of 59, just take a gander at the Before and After photos of Streep depicted above. She is one of the greatest actors of all time, rivaling Olivier and Hepburn, and draws hundreds of millions in box office every year as one of the biggest names on the planet. But more importantly, at least for our purposes here, Streep is somehow more beautiful than even in 1977, when we first saw her in Julia. Can a nude, comic romp in a "getting old and falling in love" movie with Jack Nicholson be far behind?

Pam Grier, 59

Can you believe there's an African-American actress in her fifties who made a major comeback more than ten years ago and is still a major star, albeit on television, as she approaches her 60th birthday? Well, you wouldn't know it from the media. The announcement that she was joining the cast of the Showtime series the L Word was met with little tongue-wagging. Of course, that all changed the moment we saw how drop-dead gorgeous she remains-- not to mention the collective sigh of relief when it turned out the show's writers weren't going to blaxploitate her into irrelevancy. We eagerly await her next career move now that the show is sadly off the air.

Crush of the Week: Lisa Batiashvili

Cindy Crawford: Still Naked At 43

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part One)

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part Two)

The AVN Awards "CockWow" Sketch: "Porn's Golden Globes" Does Comedy

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:39:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: All y'all dumbasses that thought that the AVN Awards were porn's Oscars, think again! For one thing, in the pre-show to Showtime's telecast Saturday (delayed months from the January ceremony for what reason???), Best Starlet nominee Sunny Leone opined that it was more like the Golden Globes, which is an analysis that may provide some sort of unimagined insight into the Hollywood Foreign Press, but most likely was just a prearranged segue for red carpet anchor Dave Navarro to talk about her shiny round boobs.

And for another thing, well, we don't remember Billy Crystal ever starring in comedy bits that involved dildos or saying the words "pussy juice". That's totally Golden Globes style, right Jack Nicholson's talking asshole?

Not for the faint of heart, and very defintely NSFW, but we couldn't help ourselves. It's a rarity for porn comedy to be both topical and amusing, and besides, this was too weird not to post.

Read more...

"The L Word": Lesbian School Is Out Forever

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 20:26:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Like Jenny Schecter, The L Word met its merciful end last night. (Except, Dear Sweet Pregnant Man - there are rumors of a movie.) There were revelations of just how manipulative and evil Jenny Schecter had been, and the question "Who killed Jenny" got no clear answer (suicide? Niki Stevens?). Regardless, Showtime's website will keep it going with webisodes from the interrogation room, and it seems Alice will take the rap (frame job?) and star in the women's prison spinoff, with Laurie Metcalf and Famke Janssen.

Read more...

Seth Rogen Dipped His Toes in the Sea of Porn, Decided to Go For a Swim

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:17:00 GMT

Seth Rogen must have had a little too much fun making Zack and Miri Make a Porno (which we haven't seen but our mom just loved), because he's now trying to develop a "porno-based" comedy for Showtime.

Rogen and production partner Evan Goldberg are developing a comedy series for the pay cabler about three twentysomethings who learn about life and love while running a pornography shop.

Rogen and Goldberg will exec produce the as-yet untitled project.

Matthew Bass, who is credited as an assistant to both comedy filmmakers on "Pineapple Express" and "Superbad," will pen the script and co-exec produce.

Wow, what a departure from everything else Seth Rogen has done!

But really, who are we kidding trying to make fun of this guy? We'd do him in a second....

[Variety: Rogen, Showtime team on comedy]

Related:

Trailer: "Zach and Miri Make a Porno"

Does Katherine Heigl Think Judd Apatow is "Sexist?"

[Image]

Guy Who Probably Killed Natalee Holloway Needs To Sleep With The Fishes

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:29:00 GMT

Joran van der Sloot, who proved having a judge for a father means you're immune from prosecution, may not be able to slither his way out of this latest jam.

Thanks to journalists who relentlessly pursued the accused murderer (well, not accused by any real authority, but we'd have no problem charging him) all the way to Thailand, The Slootmeister has once again been caught on hidden camera admitting to a very real crime involving Thai girls...

According to several European news sources, van der Sloot was filmed by an undercover operative working for Peter R. De Vries:

De Vries will show in his TV programme, he claims, that Van der Sloot offers women for sale in the Thai capital Bangkok for the Dutch prostitution market. On hidden camera he explains how he supplies girls for 10,000 euros each, who work for 300 dollars a month in Dutch brothels.

Best part of all, the OJ Simpson wannabe was flanked by Thai hookers while he discussed business. The man is a sleazeball, for sure, but is he a murderer?

Van der Sloot, the son of a judge in Aruba, said in February to an infiltrator working for De Vries that he dumped the body of Natalee Holloway, a teenager from the American state of Alabama, in the sea. He said she died suddenly while they were engaged in sexual activities on a beach. To the surprise of many, including De Vries, the authorities in the Netherlands and the Netherlands Antilles did not consider this confession serious enough for Van der Sloot to be arrested. Since then, he has been in the Far East.

Let's get this straight: no one wanted to pursue this lead, so now this asshole is engaged in human trafficking of Thai prostitutes? Great-- why don't we give him a blanket pardon for all future crimes, just to make it all official-like?

It sickens us that he's allowed to get away with this stuff time and time again. Would someone please send Dexter overseas for an episode or two to take care of this problem?

Via Dutch News sources.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston's Big News

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

What Kind of Sick, Psychosexual Experiment Is Going On at El Modena High?

Mary-Louise Parker Breaks Toe, Films First Nude Sex Scene For Weeds

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 18:38:00 GMT

Mary Louise-Parker, the coolest and sexiest Mom on earth (if you think we're kidding, you obviously have never read anything she's written or, well, seen her naked), finally gave her fans what they've craved for four seasons of the hit Showtime show Weeds: a very naked sex scene...

And better yet, it's with Mexico's legendary heartthrob Demian Bichir, who everyone was waiting to see take it all off since his first, ten-second cameo early in the season... and we have the link below. (Side note: Although we were rooting for Bichir to become MLP's love interest, we nevertheless miss the lovably awful Matthew Modine character...)

Back in January, Scanner Emily told you about Parker's dangerous sex scene, in which she broke her toe on the first take. Turns out, the producers/editors/director did end up using that first, tragic take... and then just having a full-on field day from there. This link is totally NSFW-- even the animal bleating that opens the clip could be misconstrued by the neighboring cubicle dweller. If you don't want to risk it, here's a screenshot to tide you over:

Here's the full clip, from Egotastic.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Mary Louise Parker's Hazardous Love Scene

Spank Me/It: The Nastiest Sex Scenes Ever

Rosie O'Donnell Tops Maxim's Worst Sex Scenes Ever

Kevin Smith Makes A Porno... Or So Thought The MPAA

This Week In Gayness: My Boyfriend Won't Put Out

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:50:00 GMT

If your Dad is a fervent anti-homosexual zealot, best not to brag to his face about having come from the Pride parade.

What, you thought they'd let gay couples on the revamped "Newlywed Game"?

A woman who worked in the Georgia General Assembly claims to have been fired after telling her boss she was "going to live as a woman."

Guess which reality show host is joining the cast of "The L Word" for Season Six?

According to Michael Ausiello of EW.com's the Ausiello Files (Entertainment Weekly online) Elizabeth Berkley, who flirted with the L word during her Showgirls days, is joining the Showtime hit for a multi-episode arc. [Lesbiatopia]

Today is the day our do-nothing Democratic Congress will finally do something: they're planning to take a peek at "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Unsurprisingly, the Lesbos of Lesbos island lost their cast against the, um, lesbos of the world. Nice waste of paper, kids.

A Turkish honor killing (aka hate crime), in which a 26-year-old gay man was the victim, shows no signs of any future bright spots: apparently, as is the case in most honor killings, the family left their son's body to rot and the boyfriend has fled the country after warnings from his consulate.

In a Dear Mona column posted today on About.com, one guy asks "Mona" why his boyfriend can say "I still love you" while abstaining from sex and watching a steady stream of porno. Is it a porn addiction or the relationship itself that's the problem? Read the response here.

Word on the L Word: The L Stands for Longevity

Katie Halper — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 20:35:00 GMT

Watching The L Word, we stumbled across something many people spend their lives trying to find: The Fountain of Youth. And we discovered an intriguing phenomenon: the older the actresses on the show get, the hotter they become. Not only does The L Word make the ladies look younger, it literally resuscitates the dead careers of former "It Girls," turning them into "L Word Ladies," taking years off their lives, and giving them new leases (or contracts) on life. It must be something in the water at The Planet (which is kind of like 90210's The Peach Pit but for lesbians). And speaking of The Planet, owner Kit is our Long Lastingly- Luscious L Word Lady of the Week.

As foxy today as she was as Foxy Brown, Pam Grier is Kit Porter, the struggling alcoholic, bi-curious, cool club-owning, drink-throwing “F_ _ _ _ you, mutha _ _ _ _ _”-screaming, emotional, singer, who belts ‘em out and knocks em dead with her soulful voice and banging curves. This shapely “fox” is such a hot commodity, she has to fight ‘em ( straight men, lesbians, and trans) off with a… drink. Kit was robbed at gun point a few weeks ago, but you don't want to mess with her now that she's taking self defense classes (so robbers, if you're reading this, back off.) And I pity the next fool who messes with Kit, like Dawn, who owns another club and has infested The Planet with rats. By messing with the Sheba, Baby, Dawn is risking not only her SheBar, but her life. Because in addition to taking self defense classes, the former pistol whipper is going back to her foxy, wily roots, and thinking about buying a gun. But don't listen to me. Let's go to the video tape. If Kit can do this with a beverage, I don't want to know what she can do with a real weapon. (Make sure you watch the first two minutes, or you'll be sorry.) Check in next week for our next LWLW (L Word Lady of the Week.)

Red Hot Chili Peppers Sue Showtime For Besmirching Their Sterling Reputation

Bryan Christian — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 17:30:00 GMT

Hold up, hold up: Showtime's David Duchovny vehicle Californication doesn't actually feature the Chili Peppers song of the same name? Not even a constantly rotating roster of hipsters and legends doing cover versions of the song, like on Weeds? Can that be true? Huh, I guess so. Hey Anthony Kiedis, lead singer of the R.H.C.P., what do you think of that?

"Californication is the signature CD, video and song of the band's career, and for some TV show to come along and steal our identity is not right," band frontman Anthony Kiedis says [in a press release].

Well Anthony, we're actually more Mother's Milk fans. But if you're saying that, were I to ever actually watch this show, I would not see Duchovny wearing a sock around his privates, then by all means: sue 'em silly, my man!

[Via Defamer]