Scanner : sexism

Boobs Pull Double Breasted (Burger) Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:30:00 GMT

The Australian fast food chain called Nando's has offended the nation's sensibilities once again with a demeaning ad that involves boobs, French fries, "funny accents," and boobs. There are also boobs.

A complaint that the ad encouraged discrimination against women was upheld, meaning that the ad - for the “Classic Double Breast Burger” has been pulled.

ASB CEO Fiona Jolly said: “While the Board recognised the intended humour, it also considered a significant proportion of the community would be offended and find there was an element of sexuality and objectification of women that was concerning.”

In Nando’s submission, the company claimed it had behaved with “sensitivity to the relevant audience”. It added: “As a company, we are very proud of our irreverent brand nature.”

Nice try, sexist pigs, you are hereby banned. Or: your ad is banned. Or: you get more publicity for being banned than any stupid fast food ad in which someone's boobs play a prominent role ever could have done for your chicken sandwich special.

Here is the ad that is no longer in question, due to the almighty Advertising Standards Bureau, aka the Bureau, n. "a chest" of "drawers":

What do you think? Harmless, hilarious, hideous?

Via mUmbrella.

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Congratulations, Miss Beautiful... Morals

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 23:28:00 GMT

They don't allow women to drive; they barely allow them to breathe without permission. So, it should come as no surprise that the only "pageants" held in Saudi Arabia involve women who are basically invisible, covered until to the eyeballs in black fabric (in 120-degree temperature land, to boot.) Of course, these pageants are not about beauty... unless you consider rigid conservative "morals" beautiful.

Meet Miss Beautiful Morals! She's hot as hell... under all that heavy material.

Actually, this is the judge of the Miss Beautiful Morals pageant... but no matter.

By the way, the candidates will not be judged on their looks-- they'll be ranked based on their devotion to their parents. So, if my parents wanted to sell me out to an 80-year-old man or demanded I marry my first cousin, who is a serial murderer who spits on children in the street, I would be disqualified? That's what IndyStar tells us:

"The idea of the pageant is to measure the contestants' commitment to Islamic morals... It's an alternative to the calls for decadence in the other beauty contests that only take into account a woman's body and looks," said pageant founder Khadra al-Mubarak.

"The winner won't necessarily be pretty," she added. "We care about the beauty of the soul and the morals."

So after the pageant opens Saturday, the nearly 200 contestants will spend the next 10 weeks attending classes and being quizzed on themes including "Discovering your inner strength," "The making of leaders" and "Mom, paradise is at your feet" - a saying attributed to Islam's Prophet Muhammad to underline that respect for parents is among the faith's most important tenets.

Pageant hopefuls will also spend a day at a country house with their mothers, where they will be observed by female judges and graded on how they interact with their mothers, al-Mubarak said. Since the pageant is not televised and no men are involved, contestants can take off the veils and black figure-hiding abayas they always wear in public.

So, they'll be judged on how they look in private, although they can't look that way in public? Something seems a bit off about that, but whatever-- the whole thing is a disaster as is, due to the total mockery of human decency that is Saudi Arabia. [Update: If you are upset that I am attacking a country for its indecency, then you need to read this.]

And one more thing: until Miss Beautiful Morals took the country by storm in 2008, "the only pageants were for goats, sheep, camels and other animals, aimed at encouraging livestock breeding." Meanwhile, did you hear that Afghanistan isolated its lone pig (yes, there's only one in the entire country, we swear) for fear everyone would get swine flu.

Ah, God bless Islam. [Which is a joke.]

More on Saudi Arabia here and Afghanistan here.

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Italy's Long National Nightmare Is Finally Over...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 May 2009 22:01:00 GMT

The long national nightmare that is Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's "Bill-Clinton-Multiplied-By-90,000" marriage has finally come to an end.

Today, we'll look back on Silvio's many... many... many reasons for driving his wife to, at long last, file for divorce...

-defended Mussolini as a guy who sent people "on vacation" and didn't kill anybody

-claimed "Communists eat children"

-has been linked on numerous occasions to the Mafia

-"If I wasn't already married, I would marry you right away," and "With you, I'd go anywhere" are quotes attributed to Berlusconi, apparently speaking to Mara Carfagna, the showgirl-turned politician. Berlusconi's wife, Veronica Lario, demanded an apology in an opposition newspaper following the alleged incident

-was accused of making "sexist remarks" when he said right-wing women are hotter than left-wingers (he obviously has never seen Ann Coulter on television.)

-celebrated Obama's election by calling him "handsome" and "even tanned."

-answering a question about rape in Italy and soldiers being sent out to put a stop to it: "We would need as many soldiers as beautiful women and I don't think that would be possible, because our women are so beautiful."

It goes on and on... are you getting a picture? You must be wondering at this point what the final straw was for a lovable wackjobjackass like Silvio Berlusconi. The answer comes to us from the Times Online:

Ms Lario, who met Mr Berlusconi nearly 30 years ago, attacked last week his plans to field young attractive showgirls in the European Parliament elections next month as “shameless rubbish to entertain the Emperor”.

Her fury was fuelled by the revelation that her husband had attended the 18th birthday party of Noemi Letizia, a friend’s daughter, and had given her a diamond and gold necklace. Ms Lario said that he had never attended his own children’s 18th birthday parties.

Sick, sick, sick.

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10 Sexiest Women Over 50 (Part Two)

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:56:00 GMT

We continue our two-part series with some of the screen's top stars... some of whom are still box office draws, despite what the media wants you to believe...

Helen Mirren, 63

Helen Mirren never has to worry about studly husband/director leaving her for one of his younger leading ladies, since none of them can hold a candle to her talent, classiness, sex appeal, and status as an Academy Award-winning screen legend. The above photograph of the star in her bikini last year lit up internet wires across the globe-- for example, our traffic went through the roof the day we posted it. Thank you, Helen Mirren, for being our muse.

Carly Simon, 63

It's been a long time since James Taylor spotted Carly Simon's "incredible long legs" passing by on a summer day in a small Massachusetts town. Since then, she wrote a song about him, "You're So Vain," (or was it Warren Beatty?), won several Grammy's, topped the charts a million times over, and developed a solo career that has long outpaced her (now ex-)husband's. Simon and her gloriously pretty teeth and, we're guessing, still-dynamo gams continue to record and tour... but not often enough.

Susan Sarandon, 62

Tim Robbins whined about not being able to vote as his regular polling site last November, which must've made him feel really ridiculous when he woke up the next morning and realized, "Holy balls! Forget all my troubles-- I'm still sleeping next to the babe from Bull Durham any Playboy's best boobs 1981!" Speaking of those marvelous mams, it's difficult to pull off a dress like that at any age, let alone hers, without causing a media (i.e. tabloid journalism) firestorm, but here she is in all her glory...

Meryl Streep, 59

If anyone out there worries about how their "looks" will hold up at the age of 59, just take a gander at the Before and After photos of Streep depicted above. She is one of the greatest actors of all time, rivaling Olivier and Hepburn, and draws hundreds of millions in box office every year as one of the biggest names on the planet. But more importantly, at least for our purposes here, Streep is somehow more beautiful than even in 1977, when we first saw her in Julia. Can a nude, comic romp in a "getting old and falling in love" movie with Jack Nicholson be far behind?

Pam Grier, 59

Can you believe there's an African-American actress in her fifties who made a major comeback more than ten years ago and is still a major star, albeit on television, as she approaches her 60th birthday? Well, you wouldn't know it from the media. The announcement that she was joining the cast of the Showtime series the L Word was met with little tongue-wagging. Of course, that all changed the moment we saw how drop-dead gorgeous she remains-- not to mention the collective sigh of relief when it turned out the show's writers weren't going to blaxploitate her into irrelevancy. We eagerly await her next career move now that the show is sadly off the air.

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Miss Australia Contestant Under Fire For Being Too Thin

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:26:00 GMT

The Miss Universe pageant isn't for another four months, but it's already causing the usual controversy.

This time, the uproar is over a contestant who didn't even win her country's top prize, with media and observers complaining that she should have never been allowed to participate in the first place, thanks to her weight...

Stephanie Naumoska, who is 19, was defeated by Robin Finch, who is much healthier looking. But the story didn't die with the end of Australia's portion of the competition-- many are wondering why a 5' 11" model weighing 108 pounds was allowed to compete in the first place...

[A] spectator at the event at the Hilton Hotel commented: 'Side on, if you didn't look carefully enough, you could miss her - she was that thin.'

Dieticians urged the Sydney model to seek urgent medical attention because she was dangerously underweight.
And dietician Melanie McGrice said: "There does appear to be significant muscle wasting on the upper arm and legs, and individuals with a healthy BMI do not have such protruding bones."

But Ms Naumoska, who did not win the contest, has rejected the criticism, saying: "I think it is very unfair that I have been criticised that I'm too skinny."

Unfair? They wanted to take you to a hospital-- that means you're too skinny, without a doubt.

// // LOGIN_URL="https://webauth.sky.com/registration/login!doDefault.action?key=33becc30c92efc519d2216f6b49369a1&rebound=/skynews/Home/World-News/Miss-Universe-Australia-Finalist-Stephanie-Naumoska-Says-She-Is-Not-Anorexic/Article/200904415268555?lpos=World_News_Article_Body_Copy_Region_0&lid=ARTICLE_15268555_Miss_Universe_Australia_Finalist_Stephanie_Naumoska_Says_She_Is_N

"I have never been anorexic or bulimic I don't throw up my meals after I eat them I don't starve myself, none of that. I eat six to eight healthy meals a day.'"
The Sydney teenager added: "I'm here to defend the skinny people. I have been modelling since I was 13 and have a lot of friends who are really tall and skinny.

"It is just the way that our bodies are", she told TV show A Current Affair.

Six to eight "healthy" meals per day, girl? "A peanut" does not count as a meal, sorry. Let's look at the photo evidence:

Believe us when we say the winner isn't much healthier...

Via Daily Mail and Sky [right-click to open in a new window.]

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Male Australian Writer Believes Most Women Are Socially Inept, Crass, Not Bangable

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

We love how this male writer cites a female Emily Post wannabe in ripping up Australia's women, presumably after having been dumped by a wild party girl like the ones he attacks so ruthlessly.

Then again, we don't disagree with a few of his points about the "fairer sex."

If the evidence screened on a recent popular reality television show [don't say The Hills - Ed.] is to be believed then certain young, modern, Australian women are not only completely lacking in good manners but they are also foul-mouthed, loud and uncultured.

All of that is true of all English-speaking people in this day and age, the men included.

it's interesting to look at just how far the modern woman – regardless of age, race, status or income – has sunk in her attempt to "live in a man's world."

This all kinds of awful-- perhaps one of our readers can take this line to task, especially that last snarky remark... we don't have the patience.

Many Australian women are now socially inept, particularly when it comes to manners – from the businesswoman who orders the hotel concierge to get them a cab "quick smart" to the moody shop assistant who rolls her eyes when asked for help and then turns to the next assistant and announces that she cannot wait to knock off.

What about the businessman who orders up a hooker from Craig's List and then complains to her madame that she makes him wear a condom? What about the dudes who feel no qualms about hitting on a woman sitting at the bar when her boyfriend goes to the bathroom? What about the moody male video store clerk who rolls his eyes when you ask what came out this week? What if-- well, you get the point.

Then comes a line (the first one here) that we agree with 100%:

A Brisbane businessman recently revealed that, when he opened a door for two professional women exiting an office, he received no acknowledgement only to have a glass door slammed in his face after following them out. Many men are now becoming reluctant to open doors for women because they merely get "huffed" at and pushed aside.

Women almost never-- I should do a social experiment, but I would guess it's one out of ten, tops-- thank us or even acknowledge us holding the door for them. And we don't mean we stop for more than two seconds to hold the door-- it's not like we're standing there expectantly. We just know that they're a few steps back and will have to deal with the door swinging back in their faces if we don't stop to hold it. We do the same thing for anyone, regardless of gender or any other quality of the person(s) behind us. But men always mutter a casual but polite thank you-- I'm guessing at least eight or nine out of every ten.

Not cool, ladies. And another thing:

Women in the 40 to 60-year-old age bracket regard footpaths, aisles and malls as theirs alone. Put two or three of these women together and everyone must make way for them. In their world nothing comes between them and their conversation, certainly not manners or respect.

We disagree with this statement, if only because our experience is with strollers in Brooklyn and the side-by-side lineup of those monsters, each of which is wider than a motorcycle with a sidecar. Author Ian Wallace would likely agree if he lived in New York. Meanwhile, he cites June-Dally Watkins, the Emily Post type we cited, as saying good manners is an important character trait for all women. We say it's important in everyone.

Read his full story here.

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Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part Two)

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 20:33:00 GMT

Continued from Part One.

Mary Pickford. Mary Pickford, one of the biggest movie stars of the Golden Age, was so powerful she was able to create her own film studio. Along with her husband, Douglas Fairbanks (full disclosure: yes, we're related, but that's beside the point) and Charlie Chaplin, she founded United Artists, an early attempt to give creative people more control of Hollywood, and began producing her own films. These two leaps made her the most powerful woman in the business. (Back in 1916, Pickford accepted a record-shattering salary and went on, via her box-office take, to prove women could be just as-- and more-- profitable than men.) She went on to cause a major scandal in the sound era by cutting off her long curls, then a "sign of female virtue," for Coquette, a real which earned her an Academy Award for Best Actress.

Bella Abzug. Did you know her husband wrote trashy dime novels whose covers are now available as fridge magnets? We know because our ex-girlfriend has one-- not because we buy those things. Anyway, Abzug was the Congressional Rep who coined the phrase "a woman's place is in the House." Seeing as how we've included her on a list of iconic feminists, you know to which house she was referring. "She was one of the first members of Congress to support gay rights, introducing the first federal gay rights bill, known as the Equality Act of 1974." Abzug narrowly missed out on becoming a Senator from New York in 1976 (one of the reason's Hillary Clinton wanted that seat) and went on to lose several other high-profile races, including one for New York City Mayor. Undeterred, she headed Jimmy Carter's commission on women and even appeared in Woody Allen's Manhattan.

Amelia Jenks Bloomer. You know why they call 'em "bloomers" now? Amelia Jenks was a publisher, distributing The Lily, a pre-Bust periodical covering her views on social issues and other topics of the day-- that day being the late 1800s. "In her publication, Bloomer promoted a change in dress standards for women that would be less restrictive in regular activities." She suggested women wear a specific costume, which she described in print, to help make their leisure activities more, well, leisurely. "Articles on the clothing trend were picked up in The New York Tribune. More women wore the fashion which was promptly dubbed The Bloomer Costume or 'Bloomers'. However, the Bloomers were subjected to ceaseless ridicule in the press and harassment on the street."

Alan Alda. We're not kidding. Not kidding about including a male feminist on this list or about it being Alan Alda. According to his biography, Alda used his TV fame, in part, to champion the cause of equal rights: "His 'sensitive male' persona, derived in large part from his characterization on M*A*S*H, has lingered into the 1990s and continues to be sustained by public awareness of his efforts on behalf of women's rights. An ardent feminist, Alda campaigned extensively for ten years for the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment, and in 1976, was appointed by President Ford to serve on the National Commission for the Observance of International Women's Year. Alda's status as a feminist led a writer in The Boston Globe to dub him "the quintessential Honorary Woman: a feminist icon."

Sojourner Truth. Born into slavery, taken from her family and sold at age 9, and beaten with rods for much of her childhood, Sojourner Truth went on to become what I consider feminism's greatest icon. She was certainly the earliest one on our list and all others must acknowledge she helped start the wave. Her first major move was to become the first African-American woman to go to court against a white man and win-- in this instance, for the custody of her son, who had been sold illegally. But it was her speech at the Ohio Women's Rights Convention in 1851 that made her an historical figure. "Ain't I A Woman?" is part of many a high school curriculum for its eloquence, passion, impeccable craft, and lasting power. No other speech made on behalf of women's rights has ever been as effective in waking up the populace. You can read more about it here.

All quotes via Wikipedia entries for these great figures.

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America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 15:03:00 GMT

Paulina Porizkova turns 44 this week-- can you believe it? Either way, hopefully you'll agree that she's as stunning as ever.

The Czech-born supermodel was recently captured cavorting topless-- on a U.S. beach, no less. This woman has nothing to hide, prove, or be sorry about, so all those who made nasty comments on blogs where these photos appeared can kiss her bikini-covered...

Here's what a handful of ungrateful children of God had to say about these snaps:

her nipples are huge compared to her breasts! She has ugly breasts in my opinion. [ugly breasts? The only ugly breasts are certan boob jobs, okay?]

around the kids? really? [right, teach those kids to be ashamed of their bodies!]

her nipples were used too much ..they are dark color...well...she is still in good shape [what do you mean? from breastfeeding?!]

You are great.I love to be able to contact you. Ayman Awwas + 962 79 556 00 22 [uh... yeah... Portizkova didn't post these herself, you know]

And a few true winners:

most people wished they looked this good in their 20s let alone at 43. She looks AMAZING.whoever said she has ugly breasts are stupid. in fact anyone talking shit about her body is stupid...

she's better looking than the competitors

Anonymous, if topless women on the beach bother you, maybe it's time for a trip to Europe to broaden your horizons.

Broaden your horizons... there's a sexual pun in there somewhere, if only we knew what to do with it.

While You Were Sleeping: It's A Lipstick Jungle Out There

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:10:00 GMT

Women in Saudi Arabia are going to other countries to shop for lingerie because of the male store employees. In other news, Saudi Arabia allows lingerie.

Prince William "can marry a Jedi," but not a Catholic.

Fake Dina Lohan and Fake Christopher Walken were outed and removed, respectively, from Twitter.

Richard Simmons never stops entertaining, even in the airport, and even if it means singing... "Single Ladies?"

What do you do if your first bank robbery fails? Go into the next bank. That way, it's easier for the cops to find you.

No one wants to have to sit through the vile, racist Rush Limbaugh show, which is why Media Matters has set up Limbaugh Wire.

John Mayer is wearing, um, a little sailor suit and, um, sniffing a mankini.

And are you sitting down? Lipstick Jungle has been canceled, if you hadn't already heard.

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French President Names Woman To Cabinet Because She's Hot

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 13:45:00 GMT

French President Nicholas Sarkozy is about to lose his justice minister, the controversial Rachida Dati, who will leave a giant hole in the daily tabloids when she departs in June. (Dati, as you may recall, became a single mother at 42 and then caused an uproar when she attended a cabinet meeting five days later.)

Sarkozy realized France loves its female politicians, particularly much-discussed, attractive ones. So, his next Cabinet minister is going to be Christine Kelly, a woman "known for appearing in her bikini and appearing on TV..."

According to the Telegraph, Kelly was chosen because:

"Mr Sarkozy is hugely impressed that she is not only attractive, but in touch with the modern world,' said a source in the governing UMP party. Ed. Note: Notice he mentioned her looks first...

Yep, those are pretty much the extent of her qualifications, at least according to that story. Sarkozy is well on his way to becoming the next Silvio Berlusconi.

More about Kelly here, if the translation works.

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Coke Ad Offends the Entire Country of Sweden

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 19:33:00 GMT

Maybe we're being extra sensitive coming off the Bust Party last night, but sexism is definitely making a comeback on this Friday afternoon.

First, there was the 6 Tips on Cheating With Multiple Girlfriends list link. Then comes word that Sweden-- as a whole-- is fed up with Coca-Cola's sexist ads. We wish they would take on all sexist advertising while they're at it...

Here's the ad that has the country in an uproar:

According to the Local, Sweden's must-read (online!) newspaper, ad agency watchdogs in the great European nation have attacked Coke for treating women as "purely sex objects."

But what offended the person who filed the complaint was the fact that, if a number of questions posed on the website are answered in a certain way, the woman is suddenly standing near a bed wearing only a bra and panties.

While Coca-Cola chose not to comment on that specific aspect of the internet ad campaign, it explained that the website was supposed to create an image of how life should be.

So, Coke thinks life should involve stripper harems, dishonest breakups, superficial relationships, and "diet" soda that tastes like pond water? Oh, and did Coke happen to see this post, which we linked to this morning? Wonder what they think of that kind of "life."

Via the Local.

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6 Tips on Cheating And Getting Away with It

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 17:10:00 GMT

This week, the website Brobible put up a list of six rules for cheating guys to live by. Unfortunately, folks, a good many people think the way this writer does...

Nothing against monogamy, polyamory, polygamy, or whatever relationship you prefer, but this list has nothing to do with anything like that. This is more of a How to Cheat And Get Away With It has something (or everything) to offend everyone:

1. Try to date women with the same name.
2. Don't promise exclusivity with either girl.
3. Even if she is aware that you are not being monogamous, maintain a "don't ask, don't tell policy" when it comes to each other's bedroom behavior.
4. At some point, the inevitable question of "Where are we going with this?" will ultimately arise. To avoid leading anyone on, simply be upfront and state that you are not looking for a relationship. You might want to throw in, "But I'm not sure what I'll want in the future," to soften the blow.

5. Don't let either girl leave personal belongings at your place.
6. Wrap it up [use a condom.]

Except for #4, that's just the headlines... so you'll either have to read the whole thing or trust us that the rest is equally offensive. You'll note that it doesn't say women should ever try to have multiple boyfriends at the same time, while lying to them all, because that would hurt this dude's feelings.

What do you think? BroBible or... BroBile? (See what we did there? Nifty, huh?)

[Image]

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Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 16:37:00 GMT

Is this beer offensive, stupid, or stupid and offensive? Or so harmless and "charming" it's worth drinkin'?

Not safe for work photo below... if you can spot it.

This so-called "low carb" Australian beer has just been released to a salivating media market. The three dudes involved in its creation claim their "healthy" brew will take the country's drinking scene by storm...

...thanks to their nudity gimmick, of course. As the drinker consumes their beer, the "Skinny Blonde's" bikini gradually disappears, revealing her boobers. Interestingly, their website almost never mentions the concept:

100% Preservative Free
Skinny Blonde contains no preservatives, chemical additives or animal products whatsoever so its OK for vegans.
100% Australian
Unlike most beers brewed in Australia Skinny Blonde is 100% Australian owned and operated.
100% Beer
Skinny Blonde is 5.2% alc/vol, low-carb and as tasty as its name sake.

But the Times does.

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Women vs. Sexy Sex Ads

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:30:00 GMT

Over the years, the Department of the Obvious has informed us that women are found to be turned off by advertisements with strong sexual content, such as American Apparel billboards or TV spots for those randy Teletubbies.

However, new research has shown there is one thing women of all ages respond to in sexy ads... and no, it's not peen...

The study, published this month in Journal of Consumer Research, finds that women respond more favorably to sexual ads when the item in the ad is described as a gift from a man to a woman. In addition, women have high positive responses to sexual ads that depict a committed and loving man — but not for those depicting a committed and loving woman. [Emphasis added.]

We're not sure we even wanted to know this. After all, isn't this kind of study-- and web reporting on it-- actually reinforcing stereotypes and encouraging advertisers to make the same type of simplistic ads over and over? Selfish women want a ring but not to have to be tied down, while, as the study goes on to say, selfish men don't want to buy women anything-- they just want to get laid. In fact, they responded negatively to ads suggesting sex should be received only after purchasing or somehow bartering something with a woman.

When viewing the sexual ads, women responded more favorably to the ad with the gift. However, men preferred the sexual ad without the gift. "Despite their steadfast support for sex-based advertising, we did find that men reacted negatively to sexually explicit ads when the ads strongly reminded men that they may, at times, devote monetary resources in pursuit of sexual contact," the authors wrote. [Live Science]

Yes, it seems we're in a vicious cycle, and advertising is only going to get more desperate... and obvious. For further proof, see the related section...

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The Latest Sexist Fad: Coleslaw Wrestling

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:07:00 GMT

Every year since 2003, the Cabbage Patch Bar in Daytona Beach, Florida has been hosting an event called Coleslaw Wrestling, which is the same as Jello Wrestling, only way more disgusting.

The event, a mainstay of the well-attended Biketober Fest and Bikeweek celebrations, draws hundreds of dudes in American flag bandanas, sleeveless leather jackets, and faded jean shorts... in other words, Real Americans...

One website claims some of the (always female) wrestlers perform topless, we found almost zero evidence of this. However, we only went through a tiny portion of the thousands of photographs taken of the event in the last five years.

We'll have the 2009 photos sometime after this weekend's Bikefest, which starts today. Until then, remember: Budweiser bathing suits are awesome... coleslaw wrestling? Not so much.

Via Cabbage Patch Bar.

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Let's Settle This Ridiculous First-Date Pay Debate Once And For All

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:09:00 GMT

Last week, there was a column on CNN.com (via the Frisky) which confronted the incredibly annoying and unsettled question: "Who should pay on a first date?"

Besides the stock answer ("the asker"), there was remarkably little of substance in the story's "debate." Since we could care less about offending people with honesty, we'll now respond with a comment that hung over the proceedings: the discussion is incredibly sexist.

While we agree that the noble thing for the "asker" to do is at least offer to take care of the check and tip and to just deal with it if the other person doesn't take the bait by offering to pay half, that's not really the issue here.

First, we have to address this crazy reaction women gave the Frisky writer for even considering a guy who offered to split the check on a first, second, third, and even fourth date:

In my personal experience, if a woman is in any way visibly or audibly bothered by the suggestion to split the tab at the end of a date, there are two possible outcomes for the relationship...

1) she will be revealed as a person who has unrealistic expectations, what we call the "fairytale model." This person may have an extensive list of specific requirements for a relationship, a list that will limit her to only men who will do anything to prove they are worthy, while all others will move on and avoid the hassle.

2) the woman is looking for an excuse to go back to her friends and tell them "he did this one single thing that pissed me off, never mind the rest of the date was amazing, and so, therefore, I won't return his calls again." This is what we refer to as the "fear of rejection" model. In other words, and I know we may be stretching a bit, some women see a man's desire to pay for dinner as proof of interest, while an offer to split means the guy is either a jerk, a stingy jerk, or a not-interested jerk. In many cases, they may be correct.

These are all, of course, pulled out of my ass and are entirely debatable, but keep in mind they are impressions and we decide whether to call based on these impressions.

Second...

What really annoys us guys about this "first date" debate is unrelated to why women get upset about an offer to split the tab instead of the guy just paying outright. It's actually because of comments like this:

And if you [ladies] don't pay for the whole thing, you should at least offer to split the tab. Incredibly (to me), most women I spoke to thought I was an idiot and firmly believed the dude should always pay on a first date -- though for some this was a recent change of heart.
Kate, a 33-year-old writer told me, "I tend to try to pay for myself, but as I get older and more comfortable with my awesomeness, I kind of wish and hope that the other person will be a little more old-fashioned about it." Good point. If someone's eating opposite Amazing Me, shouldn't she or he pay for the privilege? After all, I'm entertaining and cute and if you let me order dessert there may be some smooching in your future.

While the Frisky writer is probably kidding about those followup comments, "Kate" clearly let some serious sexism slip out in her remarks. We're going to have to do a lot better than this if we're going to have equality between the sexes-- if women want to stop being thought of as sex objects, which men can "rent" by paying for dinner (again, this is the male thinking-- he's paying for dinner, what is he getting out of it?), why would they be so stubborn about a split check?

Even worse, the Frisky story suggests it's practically outrageous to split the check until at least the fourth date. On a personal note, we once dumped a woman for having to pay for her for four dinners in a row: it made her seem like a) she was a conservative and that the real her was still to emerge, b) she was seeing me for the free salmon sandwiches and Chianti. (Matter of fact, that combo should have been a big red flag to begin with....) Or it could've been c) all of the above.

Here's another way of putting it: if you changed the phrase "old-fashioned about it" to "pre-feminist about it," what would you have? You'd have an individual making a complete ass of herself on cnn.com in order to justify their cheapskate point-of-view.

Ladies, we understand why you don't want to split the check-- it's a rough economy out there and dating is extremely expensive, especially when you are still trying to find someone to involve yourself with. But there's only one word for your position on this issue: sexist.

From CNN, via the Frisky.

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Does This Supermodel Look Fat To You?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 23:30:00 GMT

And even if she did, so what? It's one thing if she were morbidly obese, but she's not even close to overweight-- and besides, we thought this country had better things to do than criticize a woman's weight.

Earlier this week, Heidi Klum was attacked by a publicity-starved designer for being "too fat" to walk a runway. This German designer, who is too big of a douche to be named here, lest we further his career, is well deserving of the tremendous backlash that his comments were met with.

"Wolfgang is obviously trying to revive his sagging career and get press for himself by riding Heidi''s coattails," the New York Post quoted spokesperson for Klum as saying. [Tim Gunn added] "I can wrap my hand around her bicep."

It's a shame Wolfgang isn't a female person, because we could offer a stockpile of "sagging" puns that would, unfortunately, only stoop to ~~his~~ her low. Anyway, Ol' Saggy Nuts is probably just jealous that his fellow German is more famous than he is... and that Seal won't lend her out for any of Max Mosley's orgies.

Here are some photos from Klum's recent shoot for GQ. Even if they are doctored/Photoshopped, how fake could they be? This woman will be hot until the day she dies, or at least age 67, whichever comes later.

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New Female Railway Uniforms Are A Tid Bit Nipply

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 21:12:00 GMT

The Sun took a peek at the controversial new female uniform for National Express's East Coast line in England, where people still ride trains because they're cool. What they found will shock you... especially if the uniform turns out to look anything like this...

The Daily Mail has a more believable story, one that doesn't, um, describe the uniform as well as the above photo, but comes mighty close to giving credence to the unreliable Sun:

Women railway workers are refusing to wear new uniforms because they are too see-through, it was revealed today.
Female staff on National Express's East Coast line between London and Edinburgh said the new blouses were too thin and 'left little to the imagination' of passengers.
The Transport Salaried Staffs Association said its members had sent the blouses back to the company and demanded new ones which were not see-through.

With the way the world is turning, it's possible we'll see nude Hooters servers and shirtless Chippendale's parking valets any day now...

Via the Daily Mail.

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More Than a Woman: Real Dolls Galore

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 18:41:00 GMT

Calling all real doll fans in the tri-state area: today Becky Yee's photo exhibit, More Than A Woman, opens at the HPGRP Gallery in New York City. The show focuses on a middle-aged computer engineer in Tokyo who is the self-procliamed 'world's largest collector of Dutch wives'—a nice term for sex dolls. The exhibit runs through March 15 and if you're free tonight, you can catch the opening reception from 6-8.

If we were still in New York, we'd certainly go see it even though—we know this is probably a very unpopular opinion around these parts—we've always been sort-of creeped out by real dolls. They might actually make sense for people with social anxiety, but it seems like a sad way to have the perfect woman who will never get fat, will fuck whenever you want and will never tell you that you need to clean that junk out from under your ball sack. Maybe we'd feel better if there were male real dolls (they'd always be hard and never have junk under their ball sacks!). But to each his (or her own). And in the spirit of that, we've compiled some of our favorite real doll shots after the jump.

[Image]

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Your Daily Dose of Sexism...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 15:50:00 GMT

What are these women going on about? According to Guilia in Italy:

It's an ad for a body lotion that supposedly lifts your tits. The two women are asked their age (one is in her twenties, the other in her thirties), occupation, whether they're wearing a bra ("Of course not!") and whether they've had surgery ("Are you out of your mind?"). And then the interviewer decides to "test" the virtues of the miracle concoction.

Welcome to Italy, where the misogynists run free. If women even tried to complain, we'd be told we're humourless.

They claim a body lotion enhances your bust? Don't they have the equivalent of an FDA there? I mean, can you imagine what American commericals would be like if companies were allowed to say whatever they like, such as "Will.i.am is this generation's Bob Dylan!"

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Naked Man Takes Over the Tate

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 14:47:00 GMT

Have you ever noticed that museums host an assortment of paintings and photos of nude women, but hardly any of men?

These noble internet troublemakers noticed...

An image of a naked delivery driver from Newcastle has been projected onto the side of Tate Britain in a bid to break the taboo of showing the male form.

But the stunt is not the product of the art establishment, 25-year-old Neill Richardson was dared to show off his body on a bragging website.

He sent in the picture - displaying his tattoos and behind - and it was (somehow) picked as the 'best' and projected 50ft tall onto the side of the famous art gallery. [Newslite]

While their intentions may not have been as heroic as some might suggest (they weren't out to "break the taboo" any more than they wanted to top a similar prank from 1999 that projected a naked Gail Porter onto the backside of Parliament), at least now people in the art world are discussing that controversial subject: the nude male form and the unspoken conservative suppression of it.

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Spirit Airlines Releases Sex Commercial, Pisses Everyone Off

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 16:12:00 GMT

The economy is in such dire straits, it seems, companies aren't perturbed in the least to hear that their employees are furious about the new marketing plan...

According to the Huffington Post, pilots and flight crew alike are furious at Spirit Airlines for forcing employees to wear aprons with Bug Light's logo on them. Oh, and there's this ad, which has garnerned a whopping 1.5 stars on YouTube since its release and is Spirit's new lead commercial:

As one union spokesperson put it:

"I feel as though I have entered a time warp and am reliving the battles for respect and justice for women that we fought for 40 years ago," Friend said.
Some of Spirit's ads invite customers to enjoy its DD's (deep discounts) and "MILF" (many islands, low fare) specials _ double entendres that also refer to large breasts and a crude acronym popularized in the 1999 movie "American Pie" that describes an attractive mother. [HuffPo]

This may be even sadder than American Apparel using full frontal nudity to sell its... clothing. Correction: this is definitely sadder, because at least those were porn stars.

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Disney Denied Work to "Girls"

Colleen Kane — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 23:27:00 GMT

It's encouraging to know that even though the publishing world in which I attempt to make a living is imploding, like many other industries lately, at least in some ways it's better for a working girl than it used to be. A 1938 rejection letter from Disney has been getting passed around online, and among the points it makes to a one job-seeking Mary Ford are: You can't be considered for Disney training school, because only men do the manly creative work on the cartoons (such as drawing Bambi sniffing pretty flower blossoms). But you might have a chance at tracing some drawings for us, though! But probably not.

You really must take a look.

Also, it's written by a woman smart enough to try out for a ladylike job like secretary.

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If You're Going to Give A BJ In Public...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:33:00 GMT

...you might not want to do it front of cameras and startled onlookers...

...as English lass Emma Modrate has learned the hard way. (Side note: although the original article in the Sun doesn't mention it, it was most likely a blow job. Ah, the Sun... topless women running rampant in its pages for no reason, but God forbid they use the words "oral sex" in order to clarify what the hell they're rambling on about.)

The most amusing thing about this story is that a) Modrate has made thirty-three court appearances in just ten years and b) the judge's actual words to her?

“It seems the probation service have more faith in you than I have. I have reviewed your case over the last year and it seems you have been going backwards. However, I am going to give you one more chance."

Apparently, Emma's boyfriend gave her two chances... to finish up the blow job that is. Closed-circuit footage of the incident indicates that Liam Dougherty, whom the Sun barely even mentions (you know, because the guy shouldn't get in trouble at all for this), kept coming back for more. It must not have been all that wonderful, since the dude decided to converse with a passing hobo, who we're sure reflected philosophically, Kevin Smith-style, on the state of blow jobs in this confused and diversified world of ours...

Oh, and here's the Sun's photo of this woman... we don't condone laughing at someone's appearance... so let's all laugh at the fact that she's a smoker!

Hooters Fires Physically-Abused Waitress For Not Looking Hot Enough

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:51:00 GMT

All Sara Dye, 27, wanted from Hooters was her job back-- or, if she couldn't have that, the unemployment benefits she was due under Iowa state law. However, her ex-employer fought her all the way through trial, desperate to prevent her from receiving the few hundred dollars (we're guessing) she was owed.

Not only that, but Dye hadn't done anything deliberate that warranted a sacking-- unless you count picking the Boyfriend or Husband From Hell...

Dye was hospitalized, battered and bruised, following several unspecified instances of "domestic abuse," according to The Des Moines Register. Dye met with the Davenport Hooters management and all parties agreed she was not well enough to work-- because of her appearance, of course. God forbid horny perverts see anything other than a bunch of flawless Barbie dolls worshiping at their feet, waiting for wings orders. In fact, it's written in the Hooters manual that a hostess (Dye's job) must maintain a "glamorous appearance."

When Dye was unable to heal fast enough, she was prevented from returning to work. When she asked another employee what the deal was, the employee told Dye she had been fired. Thankfully, a judge sided with the victim and awarded her the benefits. But, good Lord, was it worth it, Hooters?

Our handbook states you have to have a glamorous appearance. It doesn't actually say, 'Bruises on your face are not allowed.' It does talk about the all-American cheerleader look."

Sheedy said Dye could now resume working at Hooters, assuming she maintained a glamorous appearance.

"She told me that she was very badly beaten, she (had been) unconscious, she was in the hospital," Duvall said. "She was like, 'I really want to work next week. ...' I said, 'You need to come in and speak to Gina and let her see your appearance.'"

God bless America.

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Single Woman Sets 365-Day Deadline For Her Mr. Right, World Groans

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:44:00 GMT

Neenah Pickett is a single woman seeking a husband.

This wouldn't be a problem, since Pickett seems likable in her interview with Good Morning America (that show's still on?), except for two things that are working against her: 1) her age, which is 42, is sadly considered past her prime by many men and 2) her location, which is New Jersey. (Just kidding, Jersey!)

Seriously, Pickett has started a website called Fifty-Two Weeks To Find Him, which is basically that-- a website to publicize her quest to find the perfect mate by the end of 2009. Somehow, men are supposed to find the site, watch the videos, judge her from her testimonials and also somehow reside near enough to date her.

Isn't this counterproductive? Sure, curious single dudes will check out her website because of all this publicity, but wouldn't it have been better to have spent this time, money, and energy getting set up with friends of friends, meeting guys in bookstores and cafes, and talking with others about what could help her snag the love of her life? And to set a deadline like this-- for most things, this works, such as completing an art project or to have saved up a certain amount of money or some sort of task that doesn't rely so much on another person's participation, but not love.

True love cannot be put on a calendar, damn it. Luckily, Neena says she is "comfortable" with the idea that she may not find a new love by January 1st-- maybe she's sane after all...

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Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 21:16:00 GMT

These excerpts from Pravda RU (an online newspaper not to be confused with Russia's other Pravda newspaper, which is also available online) made us laugh even harder than we did when we saw this imaginary "orgasm face."

Since, we all know, there is no such thing as the female orgasm.

Here are our favorite moments from an unsigned series of articles on the mysterious G spot, clitoris, and female ejaculatory function:

Female orgasm is probably one of the most mysterious phenomena in the world. There is very little precise knowledge about this phenomenon, some people hardly believe in it, although they do think that one needs to talk about it. Female orgasm is like the divine afflation – it is different and unique every time and all the time.
Some think that the clitoris is the most important organ in the process of achieving female orgasm, whereas others prefer to point out the importance of the vagina, or even both. Another theory says that female orgasm is a pure myth, which party girls made up to steal other women’s husbands.
The state of affairs with male orgasm is simple: relatively long frictions result in a small explosion and a little bit of moaning and panting, and it is pretty much it. A man ejaculates a substance, which incarnates the triumph of the materialistic philosophy over the idealistic philosophy: there is no God, “a spark will kindle a flame” if no contraception is used.
[To find the G spot] According to Grafenberg, one needs to insert two fingers in the vagina (fingertips turned upwards) and move them around.
[A] woman’s ability to experience orgasm can be determined through a simple and inexpensive procedure. [Yes, it's called letting me take her to dinner.]

But seriously-- these are actual excerpts. We were trying to eat, so we read no further for fear of choking to death on lunch prepared by our subservient wives. However, we did notice Pravda's other headlines of the morning:

Israel prepares to wipe Gaza Strip off Earth’s face

The absurd persistence of domination: Of speciesism, capitalism, and shaking their foundations

Ukraine’s unprofessional president and prime minister to kill the nation

Wonder if these people are hiring English translators...

More here and here. Image via this link.

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Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 16:56:00 GMT

We always wondered when advertisements would feature nothing but naked woman and the name of the product ("Cheerios, brought to you by a naked Heidi Klum in a barren studio.") We shouldn't have been surprised to see it happening so soon, and with Sasha Grey and American Apparel the culprits...

The above and below photos play in an even-more NSFW version on a blog promoting American Apparel ads. The only indication they are an ad at all (and not a flash version of one of Grey's pornos) is the American Apparel logo at the end... and the fact that she is wearing yellow socks... in two of the shots...

According to this blog, written by Nerve's own Susannah Breslin, which has the fullest version of the Flash ad, the photo shoot was done by the same woman responsible for this memorable billboard:

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Sexist Sex and the City Ripoff... With A Terrible Twist

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 17:32:00 GMT

Robert Altman's The Player opens with a send-up of Hollywood pitch meetings, including one where Buck Henry pitches a sequel to The Graduate, almost a quarter century later. The joke pitches are cringe-inducing in a humorous way, but you had to say to yourself, "This is probably nothing compared to how bad the real movie and TV ideas are that people are trying to sell."

Case in point: this bizarre new TV series being developed, according to the Hollywood Reporter, by who else but the Fox Network...

Check out the Reporter's description of the show:

Talk about a hairy "Sex and the City."

The Fox network is developing "Bitches," a dramedy about a quartet of female friends in New York who are werewolves. [Oh, so not only does it, in a way, rip off Buffy The Vampire Slayer, it also demeans and insults women! And, of course, it's a Fox production...]
The project, which has received a script plus penalty commitment from the network, hails from feature writer Michael Dougherty and Warner Bros. TV. [T]he project... [is] described as a quirky urban fairy tale...

"Bitches" continues the werewolf theme from Dougherty's recent horror flick "Trick 'r Treat." [And we all remember how sensationally entertaining and intelligent that feature was, right? If we remember it at all, that is...]
2009 is shaping up to be a big year for werewolves with the release of the Benicio del Toro-starring remake of "The Wolfman" and the "Twilight" sequel "New Moon." [Wonderful-- now they've sucked Benicio into their remake machine of doom?!]
WMA-repped Dougherty's writing credits also include "Superman Returns" and "X2: X-Men United." [No comment.]

Image via.

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Boy Suspended From School For Having Sex... Guess What Happened to His Partner?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:44:00 GMT

Sexism strikes both sexes in American culture. Note the example shown above...

...and this story, which features a thirteen-year-old boy who learned that it's often considered solely the male person's fault if a man and a woman are caught doing something "sexually inappropriate" out in the real world.

First of all, we have to point out that we now have thirteen-year-olds having sex in school stairwells. Who got any action, let alone after hours, before they were in high school? What's next? Preschoolers having swingers parties during nap time?

Walter Ransome, who becomes one of the first-ever thirteen-year-old boys to be named in the news media for having sex, was busted by a teacher for having sex with a young lady in his Philly-area stairwell. His mother, of course, was livid-- but more upset over her son's punishment compared to his paramour's:

Walter got kicked out of school for the incident. The girl stayed in school. Now, Goss is demanding to know why.
"I'm not going against the school board whatsoever. Punish these children the way they are supposed to be punished, but don't just punish one and not the other when they both were involved. That's not fair," she said. [Philadelphia Daily News]

Damn straight-- why would the boy, who is black, get a ten-day suspension from junior high school while his classmate (ethnicity unknown) returns to her studies as if nothing ever happened?

Has anyone else out there noticed a double standard when it comes to punishing a young male ~~sex fiend~~ busted for doing something sexual with a female of similar age?

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