Scanner : sexiest man alive

And Then Ryan Gosling Reached Down to Take Off Scanner Emily's Wet Panties...

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:19:00 GMT

What ever could we be talking about? Only the best idea we've seen yet for a Valentine's Day present.

We've seen our share of craptastic Valentine's Day presents in the last couple of weeks (and a few cool things) but the customized erotic novels might be our favorite. How does it work?

While you can't get it in time for Valentine's Day (it takes a week) you can print an excerpt from the website.

Also, you can order same-sex novels!

[UStar via NYT]

Related:

Dr. Ruth Has Something Sweet for You This Valentine's Day

Impress the Ladies with Valentine Gifts

Radio Station Gives Away Free Divorce for V-Day

Burlesque Star Wants To Spice Up Your Valentine's Day

Have a steak and blow job today. No, really. We insist.

F*ck Yeah, Ryan Gosling!

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 17:31:00 GMT

Would you believe us if we told you that there is an entire blog devoted to Ryan Gosling's hotness? Would you believe us if we told you we didn't create it? You might not after seeing this next picture...

Another gem:

[Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling via The Frisky]

Related:

Crush of the Week: Ryan Gosling

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

Hush That Noise! Hugh Jackman is Not the Sexiest Man Alive

Caption This: Every Time Pete Wentz Shops an Angel Gets Its Penis

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:27:00 GMT

[Image]

Scanner's Man of the Year: Pete Wentz (And His Penis)

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 17:45:00 GMT

Dear Pete Wentz,

Pete, Pete, Pete.

When we were first introduced to you as Ashlee Simpson's maybe baby daddy, we only knew you as that kid in the emo band who wore eyeliner—we had no idea what that band of yours was called or what you played (okay we sill don't know.... bass?). Who knew we'd get to know you so, so, so much better over the course of a few short months. But let's be honest here: had it not been for your penis, we'd hardly know you at all.

It's true, you may be a little dumb. And boring. But you were smart (or stupid?) enough to leak your own cell phone penis pictures, therefore making people who would otherwise never even know your name obsess over your penis.

For 18 weeks running—basically ever since we first made mention of your penis—you (okay, your penis)—has been among our top searched terms here at Scanner. In fact, when one Googles "Pete Wentz Penis" our site is the first to pop up. Hell, when one Google's "Scanner" we don't even appear until pages later. So, really Pete, we owe a lot to your penis.

For that, you are our Man of the Year.

Congratulations.

And we're sorry.

Related:

What Pete Wentz Has to Say About Those Penis Pictures

The World Has Joe Biden to Thank for Pete Wentz's Penis

Crush of the Week: Pete Wentz (<---Penis Pictures!)

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz Puts His Money Where His Penis is Not

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz and His Penis (and His Wife!) Win the Weird Baby Name Game

Today in Obvious: Pete Wentz is Dumb, Nice

Scanner Contest: Name The Celebrity Packages

Get Up, Get Out and Do Something

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Joe The Plumber's New Homeland Security Gig

Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:52:00 GMT

We can't think of anything more unAmurrrican than George W. Bush pardoning an eagle killer. Okay, we can, but still... [Gawker]

Hugh Jackman's wife was totally cool with him kissing Nicole Kidman. [Us]

Who was totally not cool on David Letterman last night. [Jezebel]

Stephanie from Full House's baby daddy (who is not from Full House but from the real world but that that Real World) has made an emotional plea for Stephanie, er Jodie Sweetin, to bring back the couple's 7-month-old daughter. Sweetin and Cody Herpin split recently, and Jodie took the kid. [Radar]

Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital after an adverse reaction to "medication." [Yahoo!]

As Wonkette so smartly stated, "Joe the Plumber's life officially becomes off-putting David Lynch film." Joe, er Samuel Wurzelbacher, is apparently now doing tacky commercials for some cheap electronics company. And it's really sad. But, hey, at least he has a job, right? A job protecting the public safety of the united states during the digital TV transition. For real. [Wonkette]

Hush That Noise! Hugh Jackman is Not the Sexiest Man Alive

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:02:00 GMT

People has named Hugh Jackman the Sexiest Man Alive in 2008. While we cannot deny that Jackman is very sexy and is alive, we absolutely cannot sit idly by while People spews these lies to the public.

So who do we think is the sexiest man alive? Like there was ever any question (and no, it's not Barack Obama or Robert Downey Jr, though they, too are sexy and alive).

Oh, god. Make it stop! Make it stop!

Does anyone disagree with us? If so, we challenge you to a brawl!

[Today: G’day! Hugh Jackman is new Sexiest Man Alive]

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

Cosmo Names The Sexiest Man In the Universe...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:01:00 GMT

It's a known fact that men get better with age. That goes a long way toward explaining why two dudes in their mid-forties topped Cosmopolitan's poll of The World's Sexiest Men. But only one... can be #1....

First: it should be noted before we get started that this appears to be a British survey... does that change your prediction? (Not for us, but it certainly explains the presence of Pierce Brosnan and the members of Take That.)

And the winner is...

Ladies and dudes who enjoy the male form, what do you think of their pick, as well as runner-up George Clooney (47!) and the other 23 choices...?

1 Johnny Depp, 45
2 George Clooney, 47
3 Jake Gyllenhaal, 27
4 Daniel Craig, 40
5 Brad Pitt, 44
6 James McAvoy, 29
7 JustinTimberlake, 27
8 Will Smith, 40
9 David Beckham, 33
10 Wentworth Miller, 36
11 Christian Bale, 34
12 Jonathan Rhys Meyers, 31
13 Take That: Gary Barlow, 37, Mark Owen, 36, Howard Donald, 40 and Jason Orange, 38
14 Ashton Kutcher, 30
15 Dermot O''Leary, 35
16 David Tennant, 37
17 Patrick Dempsey, 42
18 Clive Owen, 44
19 Pierce Brosnan, 55
20 Mark Ronson, 33
21 Gordon Ramsay, 41
22 Russell Brand, 33
23 Pharrell Williams, 35
24 Ryan Reynolds, 31
25 Olivier Martinez, 42

Related:

Johnny Depp and His Penis Will Not Be Shilling Trojans

Does Esquire Magazine Hate Johnny Depp Or Something?

While You Were Sleeping: The New Robin Hood Movie

Halloween Contest: Horror Movie Victims You'd Like to F*ck

Crushes of the Week: Johnny/Jude/Colin to replace Heath in Unfinished Role

Regarding Matt Damon: We See Your "Meh," Nicole, and Raise You an "Eff Yeah"

Salon Chooses Sexiest Men Alive. Once More, Angela Lansbury Was Robbed!

sarahhepola — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 13:14:00 GMT

Not content to let People Magazine and GQ have all the fun, Salon has compiled a list of their own sexiest men alive. Mr. Sexypants of the moment Matt Damon makes an appearance, as does Jon Amaechi, Jacques Pepin, our boys Jemaine and Bret from Flight of the Conchords, and our own personal fave, Ira Glass. (Extra points for choosing Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan. Ha-cha-cha.) The winner? None other than … Jon Hamm!

Errrr, hoobitahoobitah, we’ve never even heard of him. Then again, we’ve yet to watch Mad Men on AMC. Honestly, we’ve yet to find AMC on the cable guide. Must be there somewhere.

Regarding Matt Damon: I'll See Your "Eff Yeah" and Raise You An "America, Eff Yeah!'

Bryan Christian — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 20:55:00 GMT

Actually, Scanners Nicole and Sarah, I'm agnostic on Matt Damon getting the 2007 People Prize for Outstanding Man Faces or whatever. I just felt lonely not participating in the fun.

Also, I couldn't stop laughing at this hi-res screengrab of the Matt Damon puppet from Team America. Those of you who haven't seen the movie: the caption doesn't mean what it seems to. Mostly.

Thanks, People Magazine! You brought the Scanner family together for a day!

Regarding Matt Damon: We See Your "Meh," Nicole, and Raise You an "Eff Yeah"

sarahhepola — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 19:31:00 GMT

Earlier today, our buddy and cohort Nicole mentioned that Matt Damon has been named Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. We were shocked by this for one reason: His name does not include the words Depp, Clooney, or McConaughey. We know that people are all “meh” on Matt Damon, and that’s fine. More Matt Damon for us. But let us tell you, briefly, why Matt Damon makes our little ticker pound.

Son of a Boston schoolteacher.
Son of a Boston schoolteacher who went to Harvard.
He never graduated Harvard. Know why? Because he's Matt Damon.
OK, listen: Good Will Hunting? Not that bad.
Won an Oscar. Brought mom to the ceremony. And he’s not even gay.
The Talented Mr. Ripley.
The Departed.
Married a normal person.
Those eyes, that chin, those lips. And to seal the deal? That smirk.
Did we mention The Departed? We really, really liked The Departed.
He’s part-Finnish. We are part-Finnish. Perhaps we are Matt Damon. Congratulate us! We rule!

"People Magazine" Crowns Matt Damon Sexy McSex-Pants

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 18:00:00 GMT

Is it that time of year already? Guess so, since we now know that 2007's Sexiest Man Alive, according to People Magazine, is Matt Damon. We are "meh" for two reasons. 1) We really only care about the sexiest woman alive. 2) Our nomination, King Tut, was disqualified due to the teeny, tiny technicality of not being alive. Laaaame.