Scanner : sex tapes

The Flavor of Love Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:54:00 GMT

Hoopz, the winner of Flava Flav's fake reality show Flavor of Love on VH-1, is open to all offers of free publicity. We haven't seen or heard from the first-season winner of that show since her 2008 triumph on another VH-1 program, I Love Money. She must be enjoying the $250K prize she took away from that little-seen competition and holing up with her boyfriend, James "Boo" Jackson, a basketball player of minor standing, in Louisville, Tennessee.

Now comes a report (and photo evidence, albeit the teasing, censored kind) that Hoopz has appeared in a sex tape with some dude, presumably Jackson, and that a nefarious character plans to release the footage on DVD any day now...

This twerp, who goes by Mr. ZZee, offered us four horribly-blacked-out photos of a woman resembling Hoopz, who is seen acting out what can only be described as "obvious porn moves." In the video excerpt (also censored), linked below, Hoopz acknowledges the camera, leaving us to wonder: was this staged for private use or, as it seems from the photos, deliberately designed to work as a full-blown porn movie, complete with the various positions seemingly required by all modern grade-Z adult films?

WARNING: Although Mr. ZZZZZZZZZ blacked-out the "naughty bits" in these graphic images, they're still not safe for work...

Here's the link to a 15-second clip-- again, it's almost unwatchable due to black-box blackouts.

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18-Year-Old Boy Arrested in Most Bizarre Sex Tape Bust Yet

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 21:38:00 GMT

A teenage boy, already a defiant smartass to the media that's hounding him outside his home and high school, has been charged with sexual exploitation in a case that's sure to garner national attention.

But it was an individual who wasn't even a participant in the act that has caused the biggest scandal the state of Tennessee has seen in years...

Deandra Woodall is accused of videotaping teenagers, including himself, engaged in a threesome, without the female victim's permission. The female, by the way, is 15-years-old. Woodall allegedly took the camera phone he recorded the menage a trois with to school and began showing it around class, boasting about his work as if it was his own performance on screen. Of course, word immediately traveled to the assistant principal, who tore him a new a-hole... before confiscating the phone.

Here's where it gets all scandalous in a hurry: the assistant principal himself committed a far worse crime than any so far in our story. First, he downloaded the copy to his work computer and deleted the original file. Next, he began showing other random people the hot sex going on in the grainy video, probably yukking it up at the poor kids' expense. And finally, and here's what makes this so incredible, he never notified the police, higher ups, or the parents of any of the children involved. He was only discovered after rumors continued to swirl.

Now Terence Bobo faces charges of tampering with evidence and sexual exploitation of a minor, while the boy is charged with the latter. His reaction to reporters flinging desperate questions about his fate: "I like your hair, just take that down on your notepad."

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This Teenage Sex Tape Craze Is Getting Out of Hand...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:28:00 GMT

And you thought it had gone too far when those two kids were arrested for making a sex tape of a consenting couple...

According to the Associated Press in Florida:

The Monroe County Sheriff's office has charged 10 teens from the Florida Keys with making child pornography after detectives confiscated a videotape of a 16-year-old runaway girl having sex with a 19-year-old man.
Authorities said the investigation started when a 14-year-old runaway told a school resource officer that she was worried her friend -- the girl having sex on the tape -- had been raped. The girl who appeared in the video denied being raped.
The teens, seven boys and three girls age 13 to 19, face charges of sexual performance by a child, a second-degree felony. Eight of the 10 were arrested Wednesday; the other two are out of town and will be arrested when they return.

Okay, one to operate the camera... another to hold the boom... my, this is a serious production now. So, we gotta ask, what were the other half-dozen participants doing during all this? Your suspicions, in the comments...

Via AP/ABC News.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 22:01:00 GMT

An Italian doctor performing brain surgery suffered a heart attack during the operation, but completed it anyway at the risk of his own life.

Amy Poehler's new show is in trouble already.

If the police can't stop a woman's stalker from harassing her on and off for a year-and-a-half, isn't she allowed to take the law into her own hands? Isn't it self-defense?

Lindsay Lohan was involved in her third car accident in as many weeks. Then she goes and says she never "drinks, do[es] drugs, or lie[s.]" We believe that, yep.

It was inevitable: Nevada plans to tax prostitution at $5 a pop.

Robin Williams is in Ohio, recovering from heart surgery.

Sometimes sex tapes are helpful: a guy recorded a prositute giving him a blow job, then used the video as evidence when the hooker and her boyfriend robbed him.

Turns out, those weren't nude photos of Australian right-wing kook Pauline Hanson after all. Oh well, whatever helped her lose the election is fine with us.

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15-Year-Old Boy Arrested For Sex With 13-Year-Old Girl... Guess Who Doesn't Get Arrested?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 17:15:00 GMT

Arkansas, you have really been on our shit list this week.

First, we find out that you've banned atheists from running for public office, a policy that doesn't pass muster under the watch of the U.S. constitution. But you've never cared about equality, freedom of religion, and justice, have you?

Next, we learn that you arrested a fifteen-year-old boy for filming a "consensual sex act" with a thirteen-year-old female and slapped him (and the cameraboy) with Class-C felonies. What, pray tell, Arkansas, did you do with the thirteen-year-old girl?

Local news stations have given us the answer: the state of Arkansas is doing nothing with the thirteen-year-old girl. Of course, we don't mean to infer that anyone should be arrested in this case-- they are consenting teenagers, leave them alone-- but since both are underage, why not arrest both for corrupting a minor? Is thirteen too young to arrest in Arkansas for a sex crime? If that's true, why is fifteen old enough to send to juvie for the same act?

(The age of consent in Arkansas is 16, and the criminal code states that if the suspect is under 20, they may only be charged with a misdemeanor, if we're reading this right. Of course, they're charged with "employing or consenting to the use of a child in a sexual performance," which gets around the sex law thing a bit.)

In any case, the whole thing stinks. Why can't Arkansas get the big government they hate so much out of our private lives?

Read more here.

Photo via.

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Today in WTF: An Iranian Cleric's Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 18:32:00 GMT

Iranian soap opera star Zahra Ebrahmi (seen at right) has been embroiled in a sex tape scandal for more than two years now, with the controversy threatening her acting career and personal freedom.

However, at long last, another sex tape is poised to knock her out of the headlines, one that is potentially more sensational...

The following video is a clip, unfortunately not a very helpful one, offered up by the Daily Beast, of an Iranian cleric committing adultery on an office floor. (If you can find a better, more complete version, please feed us the link in the comments.)

“Nobody saw you come in, did they?” says the unidentified government employee. “Want to do some Nasnas?” Which is Iranian for "wanna bang?"

According to the Beast, this video was leaked during an investigation into the cleric's sex life-- as you know, having a sex life in the Middle Eastern country is considered "immoral," because that would mean people are free to make their own decisions. We'd like to add that the hidden camera is, we're guessing, part of a scheme to blackmail and/or remove a political rival, as was the recent Atlantic City sex tape.

Whatever the reason, this is just a tease... we want the rest, damn it.

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Our Favorite Dumb Criminal: Burglar Leaves Sex Tape At the Scene

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:47:00 GMT

"...Oh Alabama, the devil fools with the best-laid plan..."

An as-yet-unidentified burglar, seen in this photo, obviously didn't have any Neil Young as the mood music on his sex tape. We know for a fact because the police have the sex tape and they're using it to publicly identify a local menace...

Police really want to nab this guy, thanks to his responsibility for at least a handful of the four than 50 car break-ins in just one precinct in Mobile in the last month. Sources say the dude bailed out of his stolen Ford Explorer, leaving behind iPods and ancient listening devices known as stereos, which ancient man is believed to have used before the advent of Napster.

"...Your SUV / has a wheel in the ditch / and a wheel on the track..."

Perhaps the only disappointing part of this story is that our sole glimpse into the sex tape is the photo above, which isn't exactly appealing, unless you like your men to look like gleeful stoners who are thinking of putting it in your butt. At least his teeth are all right and his mustache only fairly hideous. Also, he's probably the kind of guy who makes sure to do it doggystyle so he can stare into his own eyes in the bedroom mirror-- the cops say the video doesn't even feature his female partner's face, since it's mainly a self-portrait of a man enjoying sex.

Via AL.com.

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Creepy Dudes Now Using Sex Tapes To Blackmail You Into... Giving Them Nude Photos?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:32:00 GMT

We're guessing he grew tired of watching their sex tape. 44-year-old Steven Klig tried to blackmail his former lover, years after their liaisons, by threatening to send a DVD of their good times to her husband.

But this only grazing the surface of the story-- not only is Klig a married father of two, among the many revelations from this New York Post story: Klig sent some of his threats from Disney World, where he was on vacation with the wife and kids; Klig didn't want hush money. No, what he wanted was totally bizarre...

He wanted five photos of his victim, several of which wouldn't even feature her in a state of undress. Nonetheless, the woman refused and got the Federales involved:

The next day, an agent posing as the woman wrote Klig back, asking what he wanted and pleading, "I want to keep my family out of this."

He allegedly responded, "I don't need money. What I really want is something new to look at."
Klig then allegedly detailed his preferences for the "first installment" as: "(1) fully clothed; (2) without your shirt; (3) without your shirt and pants (in just a bra and panties); (4) without the bra and (5) fully nude."

He wanted to keep his family out of this? Well, even if she hadn't gone to the cops, she could have probably exacted revenge by making sure his family was entirely in the loop. But we don't condone that kind of behavior... do we?

Photo: A Fruity Affair

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Florida Teacher Says, "Oh, THAT Student I Molested In 1983... He Was 16, It Was Okay"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:46:00 GMT

Sorry, Wanda Smith of Orlando, Florida, it turns out the kid was only 11... and the fact that you videotaped him while you two had sex isn't going to help your case, either...

Here's the Cliff's Notes version of the Orlando Sentinel story about Smith's arrest:

In 2005, Smith's stepson discovered a decades-old video depicting Wanda's sexual battery of a boy who may or may not have been underage. Smith and her ex-husband would not fully cooperate with the police, claiming it was an undetermined male they had once employed, and so the investigation stalled.

It would have remained unresolved if not for a chance encounter-- a woman dropping her son off at school realized Smith was still teaching there. Having been told of the sexual abuse by the now-grown man, who had been her ex-boyfriend, the unidentified mom ratted Smith out to the cops, who interviewed the alleged victim and learned that the boy had indeed been videotaped by Smith while the two had sex. He had been in sixth grade detention when the assaults began. According to the poor guy, Smith molested him for years afterward.

Smith denies these allegations, stating that the boy was at least sixteen at the time. However, that didn't stop the 57-year-old from retiring immediately after the school launched an investigation into her alleged lifestyle...

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Vegas Is Boring, So Thank God Atlantic City's Still Sleazy...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:46:00 GMT

Have you heard about the insanity that's going on in Atlantic City?

And no, we don't mean the usual drug-related shootings, OD'ing schoolkids, or half a dozen brothels being raided. We're talking about the City Council corruption scandal, which is finally over, having exposed ministers getting blow jobs from prostitutes, backroom deals, and entire families going down in an amusing public bonfire...

Here are the facts:

A Baptist minister was secretly filmed getting a blow job on a hotel room's hidden camera (which was inside a clock radio, creepily enough.) It turned out the minister was City Council member Eugene Robinson and it quickly became apparent that he was being set up for blackmail by the Council's President, Craig Calloway, who apparently didn't have enough power at #1. Even more strange: Calloway was busted by a DJ who received a copy of the tape from a man wearing something of a Mr. Potato Head getup: ridiculous glasses, fake facial hair, and protective gloves.

Now Calloway has been convicted of corruption and a conspiracy that involved two of his brothers, and will serve three years in a Federal prison. Meanwhile, the city is suffering financially as even casinos can't make a profit in these trying times. It also doesn't help that the most recent ex-mayor of A.C. famously went AWOL last year, resurfacing only to admit to a painkiller addiction and resigning.

In other words, if you miss the 70's Las Vegas and its pre-legalized prostitution underworld, buses leave for Atlantic City leave every 15 minutes from New York's Port Authority...

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Ad Agency Sex Scandal Claims One Victim: The Cameraman

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:55:00 GMT

A screenshot from the already-infamous camera phone sex tape of a guy's co-workers getting it on, with the annoying Gawker addition of a turkey to cover the "naughty bits."

If you haven't seen it yet, you haven't been missing anything (the time you spent glancing at the above photo is more than enough)... although the story has gotten a lot more interesting in light of what happened to the guy who filmed some of sexcapades and spread the clip around via e-mail.

First off, he was fired. Secondly, he gave an interview to vent about his punishment, which was not equal to that of the participants, both of whom were cheating on their partners and got to keep their jobs.

In an interview with Asylum, the anonymous cinematographer had this to say about the incident:

It was one Friday afternoon and I received a call from a co-worker that he had found, or stumbled upon, two people making love in a cubicle. I didn't believe him, but I just ran up to meet him anyway to see what it was and sure enough, there were two people doing it. I know their names but I don't know them personally. It was around 5:10 in the afternoon -- not very late at all. It's an ad agency, so there are people there around the clock. The creatives don't leave until around 7 or 8.
I showed a couple of officemates on my phone and everyone was shocked and awed. I downloaded it to my computer and sent it on to two other co-workers and that was all the digital distribution I did and it just went viral from there.
They [the sex fiends] still work there. I think it's wrong. I don't see why I should get canned and not the ones who were doing the deed. But my plan is just to keep on trucking and find another job. My true goal is to join an agency as an art director.

Read the rest of the interview at Asylum.

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Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:55:00 GMT

The Sun reports today on the case of a 46-year-old Perth, Australia mom (well, until they take the daughter away from her, of course) who allegedly videotaped a 29-year-old man having sex with the mom's thirteen-year-old daughter.

And the video might have stayed under wraps, had the man not blackmailed another woman, a victim of his internet stalking...

Cops allege the girl's mother was also involved in the video and will appear in court next week.
She faces 19 sex offence charges.
The man has appeared before magistrates accused of having sex with the 13-year-old and recording the acts.
The man has been charged with more than 150 counts of distributing child pornography and having sex with an underage girl and was granted bail today.

Good Lord, did some Billionaire put up an island as collateral? How the hell was his bail low enough that he was able to meet it? One hundred and fifty counts-- and this doesn't even include the stalking, it seems.

The crimes came to light when early last month police say they received a complaint from another woman who said she was being stalked on the internet.
Perth policeman Sgt Greg Lambert said: "An unknown person was sending her emails that contained naked pictures of herself in the shower."
"The woman was threatened that the pictures would be posted on the web if she reported the matter."

When the po-po dropped by the idiot perv's house to check his computer, they found his exploitative video and probably beat the shit out of him. At least, we hope they did... although, if not, we're sure his future inmates will know what to do with this creep.

Via the Sun and News.com.au.

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Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:07:00 GMT

Have you heard about this live show called Celebrity Biographies where celebrities read from terrible celebrity books, such as Loni Anderson's memoirs? (Kristen Wiig, Rachel Dratch, and Sherri Shepherd are among the usual readers and the show is supposedly hysterical.)

Well, a couple of dudes from who knows where took this idea a step further-- they made this video of themselves putting on Shakespearean airs and reading celebrity sex tapes...

The actual, full sex tape can be seen here. It's not as bad as we thought, particularly once they get down to the actual sex. Here's a screenshot of the hotness if you can't watch it right now:

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Germany's Richest Woman Blackmailed With Own Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:34:00 GMT

You're the country's richest woman. You fear home invasion, kidnapping, extortion, and those pesky poor people with their hands out.

What you probably don't do is worry about getting blackmailed over your own sex tape. Unless, of course, you're this woman...

German police have been working on a case involving Susanne Klatten, Germany's 46-year-old female billionaire, and have arrested two men: Klatten's alleged lover and a friend of his, a hotel owner who filmed sexual trysts in his establishment. The duo hoped to received 40 million euros, but had to settle for 7.5 million from Klatten. Klatten, who helped foil her own kidnapping at the age of 16, was already talking to the cops.

Klatten, who holds a large stake in automaker BMW and Altana speciality chemical company, allegedly paid 7.5 million euros to a Swiss Helg Sgarbi to stop him from publishing compromising photos and videos of the couple's relationship, the German tabloid Bild am Sonntag reported.

The 41-year-old suspect was taken into custody by German authorities some weeks ago, Schmidt-Sommerfeld said.

The heiress to the Quandt family fortune and mother of three children "filed a complaint for fraud and blackmail in January 2008 with a Munich court," he added. Klatten has a personal fortune of 7.8 billion euros, according to German's Manager Magazine.

7.8 billion euros? That's like 40 trillion American or six Michael Bloombergs, right?

Seriously, we think we know why Klatten was embarrassed about this sex tape going public: she's "happily" married. Our guess is that she paid the hush money more so her husband wouldn't find out about the affair than any other public humiliation it could cause. The fact that she went to the police may only mean that she still hoped the media wouldn't find out about the whole incident.

Nice try.

Via Euro News.

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All Right, Fine... We'll Show You Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:14:00 GMT

This is almost an exclusive, actually. For months, we'd been hearing about this Ray J-Kim Kardashian sex tape, which was briefly sold by one online distributor before being pulled. The only real footage that surfaced on the web was in the form of an almost safe-for-work trailer.

Then we found a couple of five-minute excerpts on Megarotic... making this sort of like Three Pornos In Search Of An Editor, but anyway...

First, the "trailer." Warning, it's incredibly annoying:

Next, the best version we've been able to find of the tape, a three part version. Most of these, you'll spend on fast-forward, but the third one is pretty nice once the slow motion bullshit is over...

1) Ray goes down on her, then there's some pointless footage of Kim's crotch... while she is in public... wearing jeans:

2) Next up, more sex, beginning with Kim saying she's too shy to show herself off... before showing off her ass and poonannananany... and boobs... and Ray J's dick...

3) At last, we come to the XXX finish... well, if you fastforward to the last two minutes, that is..

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While You Were Sleeping: Jessica Alba's Bondage Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:41:00 GMT

Look out for the Obama Sex Tape e-mails going around. It's a Trojan e-mail, which is kind of the perfect name for it...

The Florida Family Association claims to be responsible for pulling 325 advertisers from the Playboy show "The Girls Next Door," in the interests of decency and other boring reasons. We've never seen the show, but with more than 325 ads, we don't think we have the patience for it....

Sarah McLachlan is going through a divorce. Here she is on why we haven't heard about it already:

“I haven’t said anything about it because I’ve been terrified,” she said. “But I figure … there’s no good time to say it, so I just said it.”

McLachlan and Sood (the drummer in her band) have been married for 11 years and have two daughters, India Ann Sushil, 6, and Taja Summer, 14 months. The Vancouver-based singer described the split as “pretty gross,” but did not elaborate on the causes.

The article goes on to add that two songs on her album, "U Want Me 2" and "Don't Give Up On Us," are likely reflective of the causes. (Based on those titles, we gotta say... poor thing.)

Jessica Alba's new ad for Declare Yourself, a GOTV organization geared to our lazy youth, is probably going to get more coverage than the election. She tries to talk about the elections... but all the questions keep coming back to the bondage...

The dramatic image “really resonates” with the issue of voting, according to the 27-year-old star. “If you don’t register and vote and make a difference, and hopefully change the bad things that are happening in our country, you are essentially just binding and muzzling yourself.”

"Really resonates" translates to "is the only reason anyone would stop to look at the ad and possibly remember to vote because of it, although probably not." Here's a photo:

And it looks like James Franco is going to have to grow a mustache and wear a cloak if he wants to continue attending college in New York.

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The Josh Hartnett Sex Tape: At Least It Won't Be In Night Vision

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 21:12:00 GMT

The porn site Red Light Entertainment is offering $500,000 for the all-but-proven-to-exist Josh Hartnett sex tape.

Normally, this kind of thing wouldn't interest us... and we almost skipped the story until we read this part:

Adult production company Red Light District is offering $500,000 for the rights to distribute a video of actor Josh Harnett having sex with an unidentified female friend in a London hotel library.
“We are the number one distributors of celebrity sex tapes and we encourage the owners of the tape to bring it to us,” said David Joseph, CEO of Red Light District. “Josh shouldn’t be embarrassed. As we’ve seen with Paris Hilton, these tapes can make a career not hurt it and since Josh is considered a sex symbol, we would expect women to help increase sales.”

And apparently, at least according to this report, it's not all in grainy night vision... but maybe noirish black-and-white?

Gossip reports claim the star of 30 Days of Night and Black Hawk Down was caught on tape with his mystery companion by security cameras at the SoHo Hotel.
"Josh and the girl were getting pretty hot and heavy," a source told the Daily Mirror. "Their every spit and cough was recorded and cringing hotel workers saw all of Josh's X-rated moves."

Is it just us or is this going to be really, really hot?

Via AVN.

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Does Madonna Have A Sex Tape And Do We Want To See It?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:50:00 GMT

An anonymous, beautiful stranger is blackmailing Madonna for one million English pounds. This stranger, who is purportedly a cameraman, told The Daily Star he is the proud owner of Madonna's new amateur sex tape...

But if "it takes two," and all these rumors swirling about affairs and whatnot, we want to know: who's the one going at it with her?

A cameraman is reportedly demanding £1million for ownership of video footage he claims he owns, which features Madonna and baseball player Alex Rodriguez having sex.

According to the Daily Star the unnamed cameraman is claiming that the footage was shot in an apartment allegedly used by the pair for what the newspaper calls "afternoon trysts".

Madonna's lawyers said that they were "aware" of the claims but refused to comment further.

Is Madonna so vain that she had to have a camera operator on her sex tape? Girl, just set up a camera on the nightstand, turn it on yourself, and for God's sake, leave the night vision off, okay?

The Times of India, meanwhile, seems to think the man somehow happened to burglarize the apartment, with a camera in tow, at just the right moment. While it's possible this is some neighbor who heard them going at it and slipped in to capture a few moments, it strikes as more likely this is the message Madonna wants out there to scare the guy into thinking he'll be prosecuted if he tries to go public with the tape.

Via NME and the Times of India.

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which Our Minds Are Blown

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 22:27:00 GMT

Bleebloobloop. So much happened this week our brains are on overload. We're about to crash. Go see for yourself what we mean.

Highs:

We saw lots of boobies at the Mermaid Parade.

Is there anything better than the Princess Bride lightsaber battle?

Possibly only the Pipecleaner Dance.

A stranded hiker used her bra to save her own life.

We had a little visit from our old friend Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

We composed a haiku or two for our old friend Salon Sarah Hepola.

This two-legged dog may be the cutest thing we saw all week.

Unless you consider Ayveq, the masturbating walrus, cute. R.I.P. Ayveq.

Bears strutted their stuff on the runway in Milan. Grrr!

Part of us wants to be just like these "manly" Albanian women when we grow up.

DMX told it like it is.

There could be hope for Scanner Emily's boobs, after all.

Haha. He said "balls."

Lows:

George Carlin, who was fucking hottie back in the day, died Sunday.

We had a little disagreement about Amy Winehouse looking good. We should have been more clear. She looked good for Amy Winehouse.

Is there anything scarier than the world's ugliest dog?

Possibly only the world's largest cockroach (in Scanner Emily's bedroom at 3 a.m.).

We discussed the Supreme Court's ruling that the death penalty cannot be used on rapists who do not commit murder.

Sorry we lied to you about becoming an escort service.

Mini Me made a sex tape.

Image via Scanner Brian's flickr.

Catch a Glimpse of Mini Me's Mini Me in His Sex Tape

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 20:19:00 GMT

Misery loves company, which is why we have to share this clip of Verne "Mini Me" Troyer's sex tape.

Don't worry, his Mini Me isn't showing in seriously uncomfortable this clip over at TMZ, but we imagine you could probably see it in the full-length version. We imagine he'd also be pretty excited about that, making a sex tape and all, but he's not:

Verne Troyer has filed a $20 million lawsuit, claiming TMZ violated his rights by publishing and airing portions of his sex tape.

In the suit, filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in downtown L.A., Troyer claims TMZ violated his privacy rights and infringed on his copyright and trademark by running portions of the tape on TMZ TV and TMZ.com. He also alleges TMZ violated his right of publicity and misappropriated his name and likeness.

Troyer says the tape was stolen and ended up in the hands of Kevin Blatt, the guy who distributed "One Night in Paris." Blatt is also named as a defendant.

In addition to damages, Troyer wants an injunction prohibiting further dissemination of the video.

[TMZ: Verne Tryoer Sues TMZ]

Pam And Tommy Lee Back In The Swing Of Things

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:10:00 GMT

"We've only given it a try 800 times," Tommy told Rolling Stone. "801, here we go."

Best headline about Pam and Tommy getting back together: "Tommy Lee Gives Up Meat For Pamela Anderson."

Lee, 45, and Anderson, 40, married in 1995 and went through several breakups and reconciliations before finally divorcing in 1998. They have two sons together.

In spite of this and the fact that a) Lee gave her Hepatitas C last time around and b) Anderson goes through serious relationships faster than we go through condoms (that is, about one per year), we shouldn't be too optimistic about this go-around. Nonetheless, how often do you hear about celebrity couples patching things up... for the kids?

“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me,” Lee told Rolling Stone... “It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces -- they’re happy when we’re together."

Aww, shucks. Come on, Pam and Tommy-- kiss and make up, rekindle that romance, and get out the ol' sex swing-- we're rootin' for ya!

Via MSNBC.

Rachael Ray Sex Tape Best YouTube Parody In Ages

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Rachael started to get us very excited and so we were ultimately disturbed by this audio clip from the sex tape Rachael Ray made before she was famous.

NSFW, but too funny to miss. You will also probably lose your (sexual) appetite for the duration of the day, so please listen with earplugs fully enabled, like Odysseus if the sirens were screeching TV "chefs" with giant teeth.

Charlie Crist's "Sex Tape" Could Land Him The Vice-Presidency

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 May 2008 16:56:00 GMT

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, long rumored to be a closeted homosexual, is about to have his true sexual orientation outed by Nixon dirty trickster Roger Stone, who claims to have video surveillance of the newest "Love Gov" and friend on a late-night elevator ride...

Crist is without a doubt the frontrunner for the Republican Vice Presidential nomination after helping John McCain sneaked past second choice Mitt Romney in Florida. However, he is single and therefore a potential liability to the Family Values party. Here's what Politics1, which broke this story, has to say about this "sex tape":

The video was seemingly staged to kill the rumors that Crist is gay. Stone claims the tape -- which he discussed recently with Politics1, but didn't show to us ("I'm saving it for the national shows") -- "shows Charlie fooling around in a hotel elevator with his girlfriend."
Stone just conveniently happens to have a copy of the hotel's elevator surveillance tape, just when Crist's name is in play for the VP spot. Hmm. As for Crist's purported girlfriend -- [pictured above -- Ed.] presuming it is the same one he took as his date to the White House Correspondents Dinner in DC a few weeks ago -- she's still married (and not to Crist). Disclaimer: Always be skeptical of anything from Stone.

Via Politics1.

Look Who's Experienced: The Jimi Hendrix Sex Tape

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 19:53:00 GMT

Uh. There's an alleged Jimi Hendrix sex tape showing the musician he getting his guitar played by two girls who seem really into it. Vivid Entertainment is selling the tape which features 11 minutes of sex with no audio and a retrospective of Hendrix's career for $39.95. But before you throw on the paisley and pull out your wallets, The New York Times is reporting,

The identity of the man in the film, which has circulated among Hendrix aficionados for years, is fiercely disputed by experts and former associates. And the DVD arrives on the heels of a string of hoaxes involving star look-alikes and one other dead superstar. Internet news reports recently cast doubt on the claims of a New York collectibles dealer who said he brokered the sale of an explicit Marilyn Monroe film.

But nevermind authenticity, how's the sex?

From what we can tell, very 70s pornish and, despite the presence of a headband, probably not with Jimi Hendrix. This video shows heavily edited clips of the threesome and very enthusiastic commentary from super groupies Cynthia Platercaster and Pamela Des Barres who are wetting their pants over Jimi and the chance to be culturally relevant again.

Even if this sex tape isn't conclusive, we're pretty confident that Jimi knows how to whistle in the dark.

Missing Video of the Day: Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:51:00 GMT

We're suprisingly still interested in seeing Lindsay Lohan have hot amateur sex, despite the off-putting details of her sex life and what parts we've already seen.

Unfortunately, this sex tape may turn out to fall by the way of the Kristin Davis one: a rumor or someone who looks like a starlett and is in fact a chubby phony. Calum Best himself laughed off rumors of a tape featuring him and LiLo:

[T]he 27-year-old's representative says, "Sorry to disappoint you, but it's not Calum in the tape." [Starpulse]

However, if you read further, it turns out he's only denying that it's him in the recording. Does that mean we'll one day see Lohan in the buff, dt'ing some other random douche and doing other inappropriate shit for a star of multiple Disney movies?

These are not, as previously reported, screencaps from the unreleased video, should it exist. The below pictures, however, are some shots to tide you over, you pervs:

Above Photo: Bert Stern

Previously: We're Done Thinking of Lindsay Lohan As Marilyn Monroe.

Sloppy Seconds: Name That Lohan

Emily Farris — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:07:00 GMT

14-year-old Ali Lohan wants to be famous just like her big sister, Lindsay. Maybe she should wait until her breasts fully develop.

Note to "Big Brother" contestants: it's probably best not to call kids with autism "retards" while you're being recorded. Or at all.

The Olsen twins are going to write a book about fashion. We're guessing it will be ghost written. And we're totally available for the right price.

Ultra-conservative commentator/columnist William F. Buckley kicked the bucket today.

Pamela Anderson is seeking an annulment of her marriage to hubby of two months, Rick Salomon, based on "fraud."

Box Set: Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco Sex Tapes

Emily Farris — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 21:33:00 GMT

One would think that after having illegal sex with a 16-year-old, your wife being shot in the head, being sent to prison, and having three TV movies made about it all, one would be tired of the spotlight. But Joey Buttafuoco can't let Spears family have all the fun in this decade, now can he?

Reuters: Red Light District to Distribute Joey Buttafuoco Sex Video

Previously on Scanner: Amy Fisher Promotes Her Own Sex Tape