Scanner : sex tape

The Flavor of Love Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:54:00 GMT

Hoopz, the winner of Flava Flav's fake reality show Flavor of Love on VH-1, is open to all offers of free publicity. We haven't seen or heard from the first-season winner of that show since her 2008 triumph on another VH-1 program, I Love Money. She must be enjoying the $250K prize she took away from that little-seen competition and holing up with her boyfriend, James "Boo" Jackson, a basketball player of minor standing, in Louisville, Tennessee.

Now comes a report (and photo evidence, albeit the teasing, censored kind) that Hoopz has appeared in a sex tape with some dude, presumably Jackson, and that a nefarious character plans to release the footage on DVD any day now...

This twerp, who goes by Mr. ZZee, offered us four horribly-blacked-out photos of a woman resembling Hoopz, who is seen acting out what can only be described as "obvious porn moves." In the video excerpt (also censored), linked below, Hoopz acknowledges the camera, leaving us to wonder: was this staged for private use or, as it seems from the photos, deliberately designed to work as a full-blown porn movie, complete with the various positions seemingly required by all modern grade-Z adult films?

WARNING: Although Mr. ZZZZZZZZZ blacked-out the "naughty bits" in these graphic images, they're still not safe for work...

Here's the link to a 15-second clip-- again, it's almost unwatchable due to black-box blackouts.

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This Teenage Sex Tape Craze Is Getting Out of Hand...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:28:00 GMT

And you thought it had gone too far when those two kids were arrested for making a sex tape of a consenting couple...

According to the Associated Press in Florida:

The Monroe County Sheriff's office has charged 10 teens from the Florida Keys with making child pornography after detectives confiscated a videotape of a 16-year-old runaway girl having sex with a 19-year-old man.
Authorities said the investigation started when a 14-year-old runaway told a school resource officer that she was worried her friend -- the girl having sex on the tape -- had been raped. The girl who appeared in the video denied being raped.
The teens, seven boys and three girls age 13 to 19, face charges of sexual performance by a child, a second-degree felony. Eight of the 10 were arrested Wednesday; the other two are out of town and will be arrested when they return.

Okay, one to operate the camera... another to hold the boom... my, this is a serious production now. So, we gotta ask, what were the other half-dozen participants doing during all this? Your suspicions, in the comments...

Via AP/ABC News.

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Mile High Club Lovers Take Sex Life to the Fast Lane

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 15:17:00 GMT

A little over a year ago, a friend of ours with the commenter name of "Ahem" caused a stir on these pages by suggesting he was able to accomplish a minor version of a threesome while operating a motor vehicle.

We were a threesome "couple" (trouple?), and luckily both were as thrilled with the idea as I. My GF in the backseat stripped down and crawled over me and into position while my GF in the passenger seat took up the task of steering. I did what I could to both provide and enjoy pleasure while keeping my foot on the gas and my eyes on the road through two very firm thighs.

While we can't actually confirm this story really happened, here's one that the police were able to, thanks to their dashboard cams. And unlike the above story, this sex act takes place in the fast lane...

According to the local newspapers in Norway, a 28-year-old man and his 22-year-old lover were arrested after cops spotting them having intercourse while the man was driving (see above illustration for an explanation on this strange phenomenon.)

Officers who clocked the couple's silver Mazda 323 racing at 133km/h in a 100 zone realised they were doing more than just breaking the speed limit, police told AFP on Monday.

"It was veering from one side to the other because the woman was sitting on the man's lap while he was driving and doing the act, shall we say," said Tor Stein Hagen, a superintendent with Soendre Buskerund district police.

"He couldn't see much because her back was in the way," he added.

"Why they did it on a highway with such a high risk we don't know."

Well, Tor, obviously you've never been laid properly. It's precisely because of the high risk, great story, and that need to get off that people generally have.

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13-Year-Old Boy Watched That Paris Hilton Video Too Many Times

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 16:51:00 GMT

These kids today... first, they stage circle-jerk sessions and give out hand jobs in class. Next, at least in Connecticut, they give blow jobs in class.

But one Cincinnati, Ohio teenager decided that these were not enough to satisfy his adolescent cravings. Now, he's made national news for "pandering obscenity," a ridiculous and unconstitutional law that another Ohio resident, one Larry Flynt, has been messing with for decades...

Here's the full news report (no other information is known as of this writing):

A 13-year-old boy is charged today after police say he made a sex tape and showed it off at school.

Middletown police say the boy videotaped himself with another middle school girl. The tape was apparently made at the girl's house. The boy showed the video to his classmates at Vail Middle School.

The seventh grader is charged with pandering obscenity.

Dude is in seventh grade, Ohio, cut him some slack! And, as usual, there's no mention of the girl in the case-- did she wish to have herself filmed? Did she encourage or even promote the distribution of said sex tape? Or is she a victim of hidden camera work? (Obviously, he's at least a dumbass for showing it to his friends-- especially at Middle School, during class, knowing full well by the age of thirteen that the rumor mill is a vicious beast with no secrets.)

We'll have more on this if we ever hear about it again. Chances are, we won't.

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50 Cent Releases Sex Tape To Attack Rap Rival

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 20:04:00 GMT

Never one to cede the spotlight to other rappers for any reason, 50 Cent has released a sex tape, ostensibly to continue his beef with Rick Ross, who is also an allegedly-famous person.

The sex tape is too XXX, even for us, and so we were only able to make it through this part...

50 appears in the opening of the video as some sort of Madea ripoff known as Pimpin' Curly. Here is his eloquent introduction, according to someone who must have the hearing of a Whisper 2000:

“Yo, check this shit out, man. I’m-a show you my bitch, man. Here go your baby mama, Ricky. Double R? Does that stand for Rick Ross in the middle of her muthafuckin' chest, man? Oh, this is cold blooded man,” he adds. “I told niggas I was the beast from the east man. They thought I was bullshittin'. I ain’t bullshittin' no mo', man. 1 minute and 30 seconds, nigga. You see the tape. It only been on for 1 minute and 30 seconds.”

“I want you to watch this on your tour bus, Ricky. I want you to watch this on your motherfuckin' tour bus, Ricky.
"Now, how the fuck you gonna say you a boss and you run a..." All right, you know what? We don't need any of this nonsense.

Here's a taste of the tape... followed by the alleged tape itself. Again, we didn't even make it past the beginning, so who knows how bad it gets? You've been warned.

Well, was it worth 13-and-a-half minutes of your time?

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Germany's Biggest Sex Scandal Comes To A Stunning Conclusion

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 15:33:00 GMT

Back in November, we alerted you to the story of Susanna Klatten, Germany's richest women, a billionaire and heir to a BMW fortune tainted by Nazism, who was embroiled in a then-breaking story of blackmail, sex tapes, extramarital affairs, and millions of euros in cash.

This week, the trial of her one-time lover, a creep by the name of Helg Sgarbi, a Swiss businessman who apparently specializes in these types of crimes. As the court date approached, new and shocking information came to light that reopened old wounds throughout the country and the world...

In 2007, Sgarbi seduced Klatten at an Austrian spa and later at a Munich hotel. It was the hotel owner himself who filmed the hidden-camera sex tape, according to our report:

...Klatten's alleged lover and a friend of his, a hotel owner who filmed sexual trysts in his establishment. The duo hoped to received 40 million euros, but had to settle for 7.5 million from Klatten. Klatten, who helped foil her own kidnapping at the age of 16, was already talking to the cops.

Klatten may have hoped that, in going to the police, her husband would not learn of the plot, affair, and the lost 7.5 million. Too late-- there was a leak and soon the scandal made international headlines. Then there was this, according to Gawker:

What motivated Sgarbi? Reportedly, his real name was Helg Russak, and he was the descendant of forced laborers who worked in BMW factories during World War II — which made his choice of Geiss even odder.

Klatten's grandfather, Günther Quandt, served as an advisor to Hitler; his factories made batteries for Germany's submarines. His first wife, Magda, divorced him and married Joseph Goebbels, Hitler's propaganda minister. The Quandt family, which had denied involvement in the regime for decades, agreed to fund an investigation into their past after a documentary film presented incontrovertible evidence of BMW's complicity. [Gawker]

We almost started to feel sympathy for the girl... but that was before we learned that he was also guilty of extorting money from three other wealthy women, none of whom are yet rumored to have any Nazi ties...

Yesterday, on the first day of his trial, Helg confessed to all the charges and was sentenced to a mere six years in prison for sparing Germany a lengthy and embarrassing case. The public, mouths frothing, were left saying, "Wha happen?" and actually expressed great disappointment the thing didn't drag out for months...

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While You Were Sleeping: Sex Tape Blackmail

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 13:56:00 GMT

Spinal Tap confirmed they will play an acoustic tour that will hit Vancouver, Seattle, New York, and several other North American cities.

Eddie Murphy will finally get what he always wanted? No, not an Oscar-- it's the chance to play Richard Pryor.

Last year, we brought you the story of a man who had sex with a park bench... had his dick caught in that park bench, then went through four hours of hell as... okay, we'll stop there. Just read this Cracked list about having sex with inanimate objects.

Bartering is the new e-bay.

A guy who had sex with another man, whom he later discovered is a married father and decided to blackmail, has been sentenced to a mere four months in prison.

We were pretty sure this is a joke-- an airline considering charging passengers one euro for using the toilet-- but Strollerderby swears it ain't.

Blake Fielder-Civil's mom blames Amy Winehouse for her son's failing marriage. What about his introducing her to drugs, lady?

And Sharon Osbourne is being sued over that fight on Charm School, the only three minutes of that show anyone's ever sat through.

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Woman's Husband and Stepfather Arrested For Blackmailing Her with a Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 20:43:00 GMT

A woman in Silsbee, Texas is going through one helluva messy divorce. She's already engaged to another guy and, after getting drunk one night, had breakup sex with her hubby. Not long after, the woman's husband was arrested for filming that one-off sexual encounter on a hidden video camera.

And it only gets worse... and weirder...

Danielle Taylor, who prefers that her name be printed instead of "unnamed woman," would never claim to be 100% perfect. She only met her husband last January and they were already filing for divorce nine months later. On top of that, she was already engaged to another guy before 2008 was up. Then, one night, she decided to get drunk and have sex with her still-husband. But the fact that he filmed her and ultimately blackmailed her is in no way her fault.

It turns out that Taylor's stepfather had set up a video camera in the trailer where the sex took place, and the husband, Brian Bush threatened to mail the fiancee a tape of his future bride if she didn't dump the guy. Did you catch that? Her own stepfather.

Luckily, Taylor intercepted a UPS delivery of the package, but we're guessing that won't matter much to the guy who ultimately finds out about his girlfriend's extra-curricular sex life in the hometown newspaper. Anyway, the husband and the stepfather were both arrested on improper photography charges. They each face up to 24 months in prison...

...however... Taylor pointed out that her (ex-)husband did call her to apologize for sending the tape and warned her to catch the mail before her fiancee saw it. Also, Taylor told a reporter that her "father" is too old for prison life. You can read more about the case at this link.

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While You Were Sleeping: The NY Senate Seat Saga Ends?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 14:43:00 GMT

More morning cheer: a baby elephant trying to get up. Doesn't it just make you want to pick it up so you can say "I carried an elephant?" All right, perhaps that's just us.

The sexual harassment suit against Ohio's former Democratic AG has been settled.

Look, we're well aware of the Paris Hilton sex tape sequel rumor. We haven't posted about it because 1) it's just a rumor and the only thing we've heard is that it took place in a cab and 2) if it's not on the internet, it didn't happen.

Did you ever see the creeptastic movie The Boys From Brazil? It's from the same writer as Rosemary's Baby and the original Stepford Wives-- and now that it turns out to be eerily accurate, you should rent it this weekend.

Caroline Kennedy withdrew, then re-entered the running for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. We think her people may have been trying to cushion the blow that will come tomorrow by acting like she didn't want it anymore.

Office Space is coming to BluRay in a 10th-anniversary edition. So there, now you've got the memo.

Wanna hear the new U2 song? Sorry, we didn't even listen to it yet for fear of starting the day out on a disappointment.

And Barack Obama repeated the oath of office to make the right-wing nutsos happy. Memo to those wackjobs: he became President at noon on January 20th, regardless of how badly Justice Roberts and President Obama flubbed the ceremony.

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Today in WTF: An Iranian Cleric's Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 18:32:00 GMT

Iranian soap opera star Zahra Ebrahmi (seen at right) has been embroiled in a sex tape scandal for more than two years now, with the controversy threatening her acting career and personal freedom.

However, at long last, another sex tape is poised to knock her out of the headlines, one that is potentially more sensational...

The following video is a clip, unfortunately not a very helpful one, offered up by the Daily Beast, of an Iranian cleric committing adultery on an office floor. (If you can find a better, more complete version, please feed us the link in the comments.)

“Nobody saw you come in, did they?” says the unidentified government employee. “Want to do some Nasnas?” Which is Iranian for "wanna bang?"

According to the Beast, this video was leaked during an investigation into the cleric's sex life-- as you know, having a sex life in the Middle Eastern country is considered "immoral," because that would mean people are free to make their own decisions. We'd like to add that the hidden camera is, we're guessing, part of a scheme to blackmail and/or remove a political rival, as was the recent Atlantic City sex tape.

Whatever the reason, this is just a tease... we want the rest, damn it.

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Real or Fake? Katy Perry Nude Photo

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 17:26:00 GMT

This supposed Katy Perry nude candid has been floating around the internet today. Our immediate reaction was "absolutely not her," but then we started to second guess ourselves...

Has the "I Kissed A Girl And I Figured No One Would Remember Jill Sobule" singer had a nose job? That could explain that minor problem. Of course, then you'd have to figure this was taken at least two years ago, maybe three, to account for how her body has, um, completely changed. Normaly, we wouldn't even bother with this if not for the fact that 50% of blog comments we've come across claim "with absolute certainty" that it's the Brit pop artist.

What do you say?

One thing we can say with relative certainty: this was not Photoshopped. And now if someone would please leak the Zooey Deschanel sex tape to us-- you all know it's gotta be out there...

Top photo via CNET.

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Our Favorite Dumb Criminal: Burglar Leaves Sex Tape At the Scene

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:47:00 GMT

"...Oh Alabama, the devil fools with the best-laid plan..."

An as-yet-unidentified burglar, seen in this photo, obviously didn't have any Neil Young as the mood music on his sex tape. We know for a fact because the police have the sex tape and they're using it to publicly identify a local menace...

Police really want to nab this guy, thanks to his responsibility for at least a handful of the four than 50 car break-ins in just one precinct in Mobile in the last month. Sources say the dude bailed out of his stolen Ford Explorer, leaving behind iPods and ancient listening devices known as stereos, which ancient man is believed to have used before the advent of Napster.

"...Your SUV / has a wheel in the ditch / and a wheel on the track..."

Perhaps the only disappointing part of this story is that our sole glimpse into the sex tape is the photo above, which isn't exactly appealing, unless you like your men to look like gleeful stoners who are thinking of putting it in your butt. At least his teeth are all right and his mustache only fairly hideous. Also, he's probably the kind of guy who makes sure to do it doggystyle so he can stare into his own eyes in the bedroom mirror-- the cops say the video doesn't even feature his female partner's face, since it's mainly a self-portrait of a man enjoying sex.

Via AL.com.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:32:00 GMT

We're guessing he grew tired of watching their sex tape. 44-year-old Steven Klig tried to blackmail his former lover, years after their liaisons, by threatening to send a DVD of their good times to her husband.

But this only grazing the surface of the story-- not only is Klig a married father of two, among the many revelations from this New York Post story: Klig sent some of his threats from Disney World, where he was on vacation with the wife and kids; Klig didn't want hush money. No, what he wanted was totally bizarre...

He wanted five photos of his victim, several of which wouldn't even feature her in a state of undress. Nonetheless, the woman refused and got the Federales involved:

The next day, an agent posing as the woman wrote Klig back, asking what he wanted and pleading, "I want to keep my family out of this."

He allegedly responded, "I don't need money. What I really want is something new to look at."
Klig then allegedly detailed his preferences for the "first installment" as: "(1) fully clothed; (2) without your shirt; (3) without your shirt and pants (in just a bra and panties); (4) without the bra and (5) fully nude."

He wanted to keep his family out of this? Well, even if she hadn't gone to the cops, she could have probably exacted revenge by making sure his family was entirely in the loop. But we don't condone that kind of behavior... do we?

Photo: A Fruity Affair

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Florida Teacher Says, "Oh, THAT Student I Molested In 1983... He Was 16, It Was Okay"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 14:46:00 GMT

Sorry, Wanda Smith of Orlando, Florida, it turns out the kid was only 11... and the fact that you videotaped him while you two had sex isn't going to help your case, either...

Here's the Cliff's Notes version of the Orlando Sentinel story about Smith's arrest:

In 2005, Smith's stepson discovered a decades-old video depicting Wanda's sexual battery of a boy who may or may not have been underage. Smith and her ex-husband would not fully cooperate with the police, claiming it was an undetermined male they had once employed, and so the investigation stalled.

It would have remained unresolved if not for a chance encounter-- a woman dropping her son off at school realized Smith was still teaching there. Having been told of the sexual abuse by the now-grown man, who had been her ex-boyfriend, the unidentified mom ratted Smith out to the cops, who interviewed the alleged victim and learned that the boy had indeed been videotaped by Smith while the two had sex. He had been in sixth grade detention when the assaults began. According to the poor guy, Smith molested him for years afterward.

Smith denies these allegations, stating that the boy was at least sixteen at the time. However, that didn't stop the 57-year-old from retiring immediately after the school launched an investigation into her alleged lifestyle...

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The Porno Oscars

Scanner Matt — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:07:00 GMT

With the 26th Annual AVN Adult Movie Awards just around the corner, we thought we'd share with you some of the nominations.

Our favorite part about this national porn party (there's also a convention) set for Las Vegas is how the scheduling always coincides with the International Consumer Electronics Show (CES). Cause who's a better skin flick aficianado than a lonely techie nerd?

So with nomination categories as mundane sounding as Best Sex Comedy, as expected as Best Oral Sex Scene and as possibly well-meaning but grossly outdated as Best Interracial Release here are a few of our favorites that make us laugh and cry a little for all of humanity:

Clever Title of the Year

America’s Next Top Tranny, Goodfellas/Devil’s Film
Bareback Mount Him, Combat Zone
Charlie Wilson’s Whore, Back End Productions
Daddy! Please Stop Fucking My Friends!, Hustler Video
Get That Black Pussy, You Big Dick White Bastard Mutha Fucka, Powersville/JM
Granny Is Fucking Grampa’s Fanny, X-Traordinary/Legend
Hairy Movie, Zero Tolerance Entertainment
I Was 18 50 Years Ago, White Ghetto Films
Leave It in Her Beaver, Platinum Media
Love Squirts, Adam & Eve Pictures
My Daughter Went Black and Never Came Back, Dirty Laundry/Juicy
Oh No! There’s a Negro in My Mom!, Chatsworth/JM
Sasha Grey’s Anatomy, Teravision/Vivid
Show Me Where It Squirts, XCartel
Strollin’ in the Colon, Hustler Video

Best Big Butt Release

Big Booty White Girls 5, Justin Slayer International
Big Butt Slutz 3, Jazz Duro/Buttman Magazine Choice/Evil Angel
Big Butts Like It Big, Brazzers/Jules Jordan Video
Big Slippery Brazilian Asses 2, Evasive Angles Entertainment
Big Wet Asses 13, Elegant Angel Productions
Big White Bubble Butts 3, Exquisite Multimedia
Big White Wet Butts 11, Evasive Angles Entertainment
Bubble Butt Barbeque, Black Ice
Freaks Wit Cheeks, DC Cherry Video
Jet Fuel, John Leslie/Evil Angel
Massive Asses, Elegant Angel Productions
My Baby Got Back 44, Video Team/Metro
Phat Ass White Booty 3, Alexander DeVoe/Jules Jordan Video
Pinky's Tons of Buns 3, Black Market Entertainment
White Booty Worship, Elegant Angel Productions

And here's a recent interview the LA Times conducted with AVN Awards co-host Belladonna.

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[image]

China and Japan At War Again, This Time Over Who Has the Best Sex Tape Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 20:19:00 GMT

This may be one of the most impressive sex tapes around. For not only does it feature a very lucky man getting it on with a very attractive lady, it goes on to involve three more women in the course of one recording.

Japan's ultimate fighter Hayato “Mach” Sakurai, who fought a widely-publicized event on New Year's Eve, is seen here in a sex tape that has been making the rounds on his country's most risque blogs. Sakurai isn't talking about it-- not just because it was a distraction from his training, but because his wife may not be too happy to have seen him banging four different women.

Meanwhile, China is still dealing with its first major sex tape story-- the latest chapter involves internet sensation (and, thanks to her online nudity, current prison inmate) Kappa Girl being offered a movie deal by Harmony Films in the UK. It may help her transition to fame, since most of her blog entries are in Mandarian or another language English-only pervs obviously can't appreciate. (More about her case here, via Fleshbot.)

Of course, if anything interesting should surface in a language we can roughly fathom, we'll post it here.

Vegas Is Boring, So Thank God Atlantic City's Still Sleazy...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:46:00 GMT

Have you heard about the insanity that's going on in Atlantic City?

And no, we don't mean the usual drug-related shootings, OD'ing schoolkids, or half a dozen brothels being raided. We're talking about the City Council corruption scandal, which is finally over, having exposed ministers getting blow jobs from prostitutes, backroom deals, and entire families going down in an amusing public bonfire...

Here are the facts:

A Baptist minister was secretly filmed getting a blow job on a hotel room's hidden camera (which was inside a clock radio, creepily enough.) It turned out the minister was City Council member Eugene Robinson and it quickly became apparent that he was being set up for blackmail by the Council's President, Craig Calloway, who apparently didn't have enough power at #1. Even more strange: Calloway was busted by a DJ who received a copy of the tape from a man wearing something of a Mr. Potato Head getup: ridiculous glasses, fake facial hair, and protective gloves.

Now Calloway has been convicted of corruption and a conspiracy that involved two of his brothers, and will serve three years in a Federal prison. Meanwhile, the city is suffering financially as even casinos can't make a profit in these trying times. It also doesn't help that the most recent ex-mayor of A.C. famously went AWOL last year, resurfacing only to admit to a painkiller addiction and resigning.

In other words, if you miss the 70's Las Vegas and its pre-legalized prostitution underworld, buses leave for Atlantic City leave every 15 minutes from New York's Port Authority...

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Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:05:00 GMT

A widely-publicized murder trial took a grimly hilarious tour when it was revealed the man in question had left a list in his FEMA trailer that detailed his plans for getting away with it. Best one: "Throw gun in river."

Eminem has released his first new song in ages.

Dr. Strangelove, like 1984, is becoming a reality: a single prank call almost started a war between India and Pakistan. Not funny, guys.

You wanna steal my husband? Well, says Shania Twain, I'm a-gonna steal yours...

A male babysitter was arrested for producing a sex tape involving a two-year-old girl.

We love myths, hoaxes and just plain idiocy: Strollerderby wants you to know that your vagina will not seal up if you don't use it for sex very often.

And Bettie Page, the now-85-year-old former pinup, had a heart attack over the weekend and is in critical condition, according to the New York Times.

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Dad Nobly Defends Son Against Rape Charges... Oh, Wait...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 19:09:00 GMT

What did one forty-year-old Dad do to prove his son was innocent of rape?

Why, show a school administrator the kid's sex tape, of course...

Early reports first indicated Cary, North Carolina father Dwayne Anthony Frazier (who is either 41 or 42, depending on which report you believe) brought a sex tape involving a son to a school official (likely the principal) in hopes of clearing the boy of rape allegations. Instead, he's been arrested on charges of second-degree and third-degree sexual exploitation of a minor.

It gets weirder: Frazier's son is only 17, which would make this child pornography. And weirder: the girl is rumored to be only 14-years-old. Whoops.

And now there's a rumor going around that Mr. Frazier himself filmed the supposedly consensual sex.

If Dad is trying to help his son stay out of jail, maybe he should just stop now.

Photo via WRAL.

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Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:55:00 GMT

The Sun reports today on the case of a 46-year-old Perth, Australia mom (well, until they take the daughter away from her, of course) who allegedly videotaped a 29-year-old man having sex with the mom's thirteen-year-old daughter.

And the video might have stayed under wraps, had the man not blackmailed another woman, a victim of his internet stalking...

Cops allege the girl's mother was also involved in the video and will appear in court next week.
She faces 19 sex offence charges.
The man has appeared before magistrates accused of having sex with the 13-year-old and recording the acts.
The man has been charged with more than 150 counts of distributing child pornography and having sex with an underage girl and was granted bail today.

Good Lord, did some Billionaire put up an island as collateral? How the hell was his bail low enough that he was able to meet it? One hundred and fifty counts-- and this doesn't even include the stalking, it seems.

The crimes came to light when early last month police say they received a complaint from another woman who said she was being stalked on the internet.
Perth policeman Sgt Greg Lambert said: "An unknown person was sending her emails that contained naked pictures of herself in the shower."
"The woman was threatened that the pictures would be posted on the web if she reported the matter."

When the po-po dropped by the idiot perv's house to check his computer, they found his exploitative video and probably beat the shit out of him. At least, we hope they did... although, if not, we're sure his future inmates will know what to do with this creep.

Via the Sun and News.com.au.

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Bestiality Bust Is Our Favorite Swedish Sex Story Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:40:00 GMT

We know Scanner Emily mentioned this yesterday, but it's way to good not to blog about in full.

A 45-year-old father of two was exposed by the Swedish newspaper the Expressen for running a bestiality ring that allegedly includes thirty members. But it's not the sex ring or the fact that a newspaper was the one to blow the lid off this thing (instead of the cops, that is) that caused us to sit up and drop our bagels...

Daddy who, thank God, is not married to the mother of those poor children of his, is a farmer (surprise) who owns dogs, horses, and an internet forum for bestiality lovers. Whoops. Somehow, the Expressen managed to infiltrate his underground harem and, after what must have been an unbearable couple of months, confronted the guy, who remains nameless-- because, well, you'll see...

But the man was quick to defend his relations with a bitch he bought online from a city-dwelling family who said they wanted the dog to have a better life in the countryside.

"Any of the times I did anything with her she was the one who backed into me and provoked it. She was in heat and made herself available. There were also times later when she didn't want to and then I backed out immediately," he told Expressen.

Now you see why we love this story? Who the hell does this guy think he is, with the "she seduced me" argument? Oh, right, he's a leader of a large bestiality ring in Sweden. Got it.

It gets worse/better, depending on how much you're sickened or appreciating this insanity? The Expressen's investigator was forced to sit through a regular group meeting, for which members brought a variety of animals to show off, as well as video recordings of their pets in... never mind. Barf.

By the way, the reason we, the Local, and the Expressen cannot name this name? No, it's not because he's innocent until proven guilty-- he's completely innocent, at least in the eyes of the law, since Sweden has no law against bestiality.

"Is it, and should it be, legal to spread something on the genitalia that might smell or taste nice to a dog, in order to allow the dog to lick off whatever is spread on the genitalia?

"Should it be permitted to stroke a bitch's teats with love, or should it be classified as animal sexual abuse?" the minister wondered. [The Local]

Dude, that's the Minister of Agriculture talking. And you thought Sweden was awesome...

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Fake Shakespearean Actors Stage Colin Farrell Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:07:00 GMT

Have you heard about this live show called Celebrity Biographies where celebrities read from terrible celebrity books, such as Loni Anderson's memoirs? (Kristen Wiig, Rachel Dratch, and Sherri Shepherd are among the usual readers and the show is supposedly hysterical.)

Well, a couple of dudes from who knows where took this idea a step further-- they made this video of themselves putting on Shakespearean airs and reading celebrity sex tapes...

The actual, full sex tape can be seen here. It's not as bad as we thought, particularly once they get down to the actual sex. Here's a screenshot of the hotness if you can't watch it right now:

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Germany's Richest Woman Blackmailed With Own Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:34:00 GMT

You're the country's richest woman. You fear home invasion, kidnapping, extortion, and those pesky poor people with their hands out.

What you probably don't do is worry about getting blackmailed over your own sex tape. Unless, of course, you're this woman...

German police have been working on a case involving Susanne Klatten, Germany's 46-year-old female billionaire, and have arrested two men: Klatten's alleged lover and a friend of his, a hotel owner who filmed sexual trysts in his establishment. The duo hoped to received 40 million euros, but had to settle for 7.5 million from Klatten. Klatten, who helped foil her own kidnapping at the age of 16, was already talking to the cops.

Klatten, who holds a large stake in automaker BMW and Altana speciality chemical company, allegedly paid 7.5 million euros to a Swiss Helg Sgarbi to stop him from publishing compromising photos and videos of the couple's relationship, the German tabloid Bild am Sonntag reported.

The 41-year-old suspect was taken into custody by German authorities some weeks ago, Schmidt-Sommerfeld said.

The heiress to the Quandt family fortune and mother of three children "filed a complaint for fraud and blackmail in January 2008 with a Munich court," he added. Klatten has a personal fortune of 7.8 billion euros, according to German's Manager Magazine.

7.8 billion euros? That's like 40 trillion American or six Michael Bloombergs, right?

Seriously, we think we know why Klatten was embarrassed about this sex tape going public: she's "happily" married. Our guess is that she paid the hush money more so her husband wouldn't find out about the affair than any other public humiliation it could cause. The fact that she went to the police may only mean that she still hoped the media wouldn't find out about the whole incident.

Nice try.

Via Euro News.

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The Amazing Disappearing-Reappearing Britney Spears Sex Tape

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 18:03:00 GMT

We first heard about a possibly, maybe a sex tape of Britney and her former boyfriend Adnan Ghalib on Monday. Since then, Britney has denied it, Adnan confirmed he was looking for a buyer, before denying the tape existed at all.

But there's yet another development regarding the fate of this mystical pink-wigged sex tape.

NOW a Spears "pal" told a newspaper it's pretty much a sure thing:

“Her lawyers have been working overtime. They’ve been told to do whatever it takes to stop the video making it onto the Internet.”

Honestly, we do not know how these rumors get started. Enought! Out with it! If this thing is real we want it on our desks by Friday morning or we're officially calling its bluff.

What do you say, ya'll? Will the Britney/Adnan sex "romp" ever find its way to your computer screens? Or is it all just a sad, icky publicity stunt?

Crushed: Kim Kardashain's Dreams of Dancing With the Stars (Outside the Bedroom, Anyway)

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:37:00 GMT

Apparently Kim Kardashian is just as exciting on the dance floor as she is in the bedroom.

That's not very exciting, for anyone who hasn't seen her sex tape.

Kardashian was kicked off of ABC's "Dancing With the Stars" last night, after a "lackluster ramba routine." Mmhmm.

She and her partner, Mark Ballas, received a score of 17 out of 30, and after that score was combined with viewer votes, the pair was booted.

[Yahoo!: 3rd celebrity gone from 'Dancing With the Stars]

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[Image]

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Is eugenics still being practiced in Louisiana? A politician there wants to give women $1,000 to tie their tubes in order to reduce the welfare rolls.

Although Shia LaBeouf's license is going to be suspended, he won't be charged with a DUI in his recent car crash.

Which American celebrity is Damien Hirst's latest, humiliated subject?

A well-known British artist who has made collage portraits of President Bush and Paris Hilton out of porn magazine images is exhibiting the pictures at a gallery in New York.
A gallery spokeswoman says Jonathan Yeo's portrait of Hilton was bought by the artist Damien Hirst ahead of Thursday's opening.

Hirst is offering Hilton a cut of the sales because she never received "royalties" from her sex tape. Huh? Whatever.

Will Sarah Michelle Gellar return to television? For HBO?!

You thought it made sense for that woman to sleep with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket? This guy would have to have marry the cop to get out of his two million bucks in parking tickets.

Some gas station owner in Michigan dropped prices and made up the difference selling T-shirts.

JP Morgan will buy Washington Mutual.

Planned Parenthood doesn't quite understand how, but it's getting thousands of donations in Sarah Palin's name. It wouldn't be so weird if, um, Sarah Palin supported anything PP stood for.

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Woman Gets Life For... Sex With A Five-Year-Old Boy?!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:09:00 GMT

Do we think it's fair that a 33-year-old woman, who was then only 21, got such a harsh punishment for having sex with a five-year-old under her then-husband's direction?

Here are the facts:

Kelly Lumadue, seen above, was barely legal herself when she had sex with a five-year-old boy. Lumadue claims her husband, now since passed away, all but forced her to get it on with the kid for her husband's leering camera.

In 2003, a garbageman found the tape, watched it, and reported Lumadue and her husband to the authorities. Bud, the hubby, died soon thereafter, of cancer. The boy, now a teenager, has no recollection of the events... at least not yet... and no one seems to know how he ended up in Lumadue's house.

Under Florida state law for capital sexual battery offenses, life in prison without the possibility of parole is the only permitted sentence, which is exactly what Lumadue received.

The question is not whether the crime was heinous. The question is whether we believe the crime was cruel enough to permit what's basically a death sentence. What do you think?

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Has Kim Kardashian's DWTS Partner Seen Her Sex Tape?

Emily Farris — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 15:11:00 GMT

Celebutante Kim Kardashian joins the likes of Lance Bass, Chef Rocco Dispirito, Susan Lucci, Toni Braxton and Cloris Leachman for the seventh season of Dancing With the Stars.

On her MySpace blog, Kardashian talks a lot about her anxiety over meeting her dance partner, Mark Ballas.

“All I could think was, I would be spending weeks and weeks and weeks, hours upon hours with this person, so I hoped we’d just get along to start!”

Riiight, Kimmers. You were just worried he'd seen your sex tape.

We only hope her performance on DWTS has a little more energy than her sex tape. And based on this picture we found, we think she'll be okay:

But what do you think?

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All Right, Fine... We'll Show You Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:14:00 GMT

This is almost an exclusive, actually. For months, we'd been hearing about this Ray J-Kim Kardashian sex tape, which was briefly sold by one online distributor before being pulled. The only real footage that surfaced on the web was in the form of an almost safe-for-work trailer.

Then we found a couple of five-minute excerpts on Megarotic... making this sort of like Three Pornos In Search Of An Editor, but anyway...

First, the "trailer." Warning, it's incredibly annoying:

Next, the best version we've been able to find of the tape, a three part version. Most of these, you'll spend on fast-forward, but the third one is pretty nice once the slow motion bullshit is over...

1) Ray goes down on her, then there's some pointless footage of Kim's crotch... while she is in public... wearing jeans:

2) Next up, more sex, beginning with Kim saying she's too shy to show herself off... before showing off her ass and poonannananany... and boobs... and Ray J's dick...

3) At last, we come to the XXX finish... well, if you fastforward to the last two minutes, that is..

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Who Would You Rather: Keeley Hazell or Sara Boberg?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 20:31:00 GMT

Both women wish they were in the Olympics, but weren't invited. Both were the subject of digital nude renderings leaked by unknown parties. And both look incredible naked, with their glorious natural breasts.

Hey, find us two naked guys in the news these days and we'll have a Who Would You Rather? with them two... otherwise, it's females galore...

Sara Boberg (above) is a Swedish crossbowoman who can't compete in the Olympics until the next time around, when the sport will finally become worthy of speedwalking and that shuffleboard thing the Canadians love so much. Her pics leaked about two weeks ago... and we made sure to post the best ones...

Keeley Hazell-- you remember her? British model? Told the press she was saving herself for marriage? Then her sex tape, made with a live-in boyfriend, came out a few weeks later? Yeah, good times...

Check it out here... and don't forget to vote in this week's most important election: