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Sloppy Seconds: 'Saved by the Bell' Reunion

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 23:02:00 GMT

We would like to preface these very sloppy seconds by telling you we think these things are true. But you know how media outlets like to play April Fool's jokes. Ugh.

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak has been voted off of "Dancing with the Stars." [Yahoo!]

Chris Brown has an entire women's basketball team to beat up. [Us]

Mariah Carey celebrated her 40th birthday with husband Nick Cannon. In other news Mariah Carey is 40! [People]

Kim Kardashian is taking legal action against the porno "Keeping Up With the KardASSians." [FadedYouth]

Jimmy Fallon planned to reunite the entire cast of "Saved by the Bell" (yes!) but failed (noooo!). [Vulture]

MTV Launches Sex Talk Show, We Relive Our Awkward Youth

Emily Farris — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:58:00 GMT

First New Kids on the Block re-formed, then Beverly Hills 90210 came back with a little less than a bang and now this dude is going to have a talk show on MTV about sex? Will Zack Morris step out of my dreams and into my car already?

MTV will premiere a sex-themed series featuring relationships expert Dr. Drew Pinsky on September 29.

In each half-hour episode of "Sex ... With Mom and Dad," the father of 15-year-old triplets will help a teen and his or her parents work through their problems discussing sex, dating and relationships. MTV has ordered 20 episodes.

Meh. That title freaks us out. Plus, we'd rather watch re-runs of Love Line, but considering we have neither cable or a car (both of which we had in the 90's) we won't be seeing much of Dr. Drew or Zack Morris any time soon.

[Reuters: MTV, Dr. Drew talking about "Sex"]

My Life Just Flashed Before My Eyes: The Evolution of the Cell Phone

The MTV Movie Awards: More Entertaining Than We Wanted Them To Be

Screech To Scribe "Saved By The Bell" Tell-All Book

Ina Maier — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:50:00 GMT

Dustin Diamond, who spent thirteen years of his life playing Samuel "Screech" Powers, has signed a deal with Gotham Books...

Yes, Dustin Diamond, he of the dirty sanchez-ed sex tape, will be writing a book, with the help of a ghost writer (Alan Goldsher), of course. Screech's behind-the-scenes and somewhat appropriately named Behind The Bell promises to air out all of Bayside's dirty laundry, including "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying."

We hate to make a bad pun, but we are SO EXCITED and yet, SO SCARED.

[via NY Mag]

Sloppy Seconds: Hollywood's Hottest Bachelor

Emily Farris — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:40:00 GMT

Julia Allison's contract with Star has not been renewed, leaving her still employed elsewhere and probably fine. [Gawker]

Because she's microfamous. [Jossip]

Hey dumbass, a python is not an attack dog. And that's a good thing. [YBNBY]

Us wants to know if Jessica Simpson's shirt was attacking Carrie Underwood. As DippyGumball so freakishly pointed out earlier this week, uh, yeah. [Us]

50 Cent has been hanging out with Nelson Mandela. [MTV]

ABC would not like "Dirty, Sexy Money" to get any dirtier or sexier, thank you very much. [The Remote Island]

We've never really been able to get into the whole A.C. Slater-being-sexy thing. But apparently he can. And People can, too. According to the magazine, he's their Hottest Bachelor. [People]

Related:

OMG: For the First Time, Like, Ever, We Totes Agree With Jessica Simpson

Sloppy Seconds: What Ever Happened to Stephanie (After the Meth)?

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 May 2008 22:14:00 GMT

A couple in Vancouver put their baby up for sale on Craigslist. But, you know, they were totally joking. [Reuters]

The lesbians are coming! Jenna ~~Bush~~ Hager (we'd get rid of that name, too, sweetie) told Ellen Degeneres she and Portia De Rossi could use the Crawford ranch for their wedding. But, oops, gay marriage isn't legal in Texas. [ABC]

A sixteen-year-old in Ontario has found a way to break down the polymers in plastic bags. What this means is that plastic could be far more biodegradable than we thought. At least that's what we think it means. Yeah, he may have solved one of our biggest environmental problems while trying to get a blue ribbon at the science fair. [MotherJones]

We never thought about getting a "Saved by the Bell" tattoo. Until now. [MollyGood]

And we think outlawing gay marriage was antiquated? The town of Black Jack, MO won't allow a family to have an occupancy permit to move into their newly-purchased home because the mother's boyfriend is neither married to the mother or the father of her children. Actually, that does sound like a pretty sneaky way to keep the gays out. [KansasCity.com]

Yes, we all know Jodie Sweeten had a brief stint with Meth. Now she's going the way of other overachievers with substance abuse problems. She's blogging! [FameCrawler]

My Life Just Flashed Before My Eyes: The Evolution of the Cell Phone

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 May 2008 19:49:00 GMT

From Zack Morris to the iPhone.

Who Would You Rather: Elizabeth Berkley or Tyra Banks?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Because if it was Padma Lakshmi vs. Anyone Including Venus, this would've been flippin' obvious.

We're pretty sure no one watches Bravo unless "Top Chef" is on, but maybe there are some people who aren't satiated by "Dancing With the Stars" that they need yet another dance show. Or maybe they're just fans of Elizabeth Berkley and haven't stopped fantasizing about her since "Showgirls"-- or worse, "Saved By The Bell," the unfunniest show in history, a history which includes "Sex And The City."

Okay, okay, now we're just trying to piss you off. Gotcha! (Not that we're retracting any of the above statements.) Seriously now, Tyra Banks is obviously hot and her hosting duties on "America's Next Top Model" haven't hindered her standing as one of the few intelligent women currently hosting a daytime talk show.

But what about Berkley in the pool in "Showgirls?" Then again, there's every photo of Tyra Banks ever released by a reputable publication... hmmm...

Sloppy Seconds: What's Stoopider Than Getting Knocked-Up at 16?

Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:11:00 GMT

Salon wants to know which presidential candidate is better for sex education. [Salon]

A.C. Slater, we always knew you'd do big things in life. We just kind of thought they'd be attached to big men. Frankly, we're a little disappointed. [MollyGood]

Have you ever wondered what tentacle sex is like? We can tell you: it's weird. [Fleshbot]

Do you often find that the food you make out of a box looks nothing like the food on the box? Well, that's what you get for making food out of a box! But looking at the two side-by-side is pretty funny. [BoingBoing]

We could make so, so, so many comments about this, but that would be mean. So we'll just tell it like it is: a high school cheerleader died from complications during surgery to make her breasts just a little more perfect. [Palm Beach Post via Gawker]

Oh, Jamie Lynn Spears. We need to talk. If there's one thing more stupid than getting knocked up at 16, it's getting engaged at 16. [FameCrawler]