Scanner : sarah palin nude photos

While You Were Sleeping: Flirting Caused That Plane Crash

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

Hurricane Ike may have caused a baby boom in Texas.

Playboy may cut back on the number of issues it puts out every year and raise the newsstand price. A truly sad day for America.

Holy balls! Dolph Lundgren had a penis slip!

It's time we started to boycott people who boycott Pepsi for it's "pro-gay and human rights agenda."

Sounds like many of the places we've worked: seven people were hospitalized when their work refrigerator cleanup proved to be horribly toxic and stankin'.

A toilet kneeler-- and what exactly would anyone need this for?

The plane crash in Buffalo may have been caused by a middle-aged co-pilot hitting on his young female co-pilot. Oh, and the fact that the guy was basically unqualified to fly commercial planes might have been a contributing factor.

And remind us what Sarah Palin has accomplished beyond being elected Governor after running a tiny village into the ground that warrants a "memoir?"

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Sexually Incriminating Information

Son of the Montauk Monster!

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Hates Gays... Again

Sloppy Seconds: No Bullet-Proof Bras For You

Sloppy Seconds: These Boobs Are Made of Magic

Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 16:10:00 GMT

John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate was an unqualified disaster. Not only did voters flee from the novel idea of a female vice President (at least-- this potential female vice president), but they abandoned the Republican Party in greater numbers than ever.

Since the election, Sarah Palin's continued quest for the spotlight has further doomed the Party's chances for taking the White House. There was that whole incident with the turkey and the reenactment of that scene from Fargo. There is that whole string of ethics scandals. And, at last, the Bristol-Levi shotgun wedding sham was finally given up, since the voters no longer cared if the kids "did the right thing."

About the only successful enterprise involving Sarah Palin seems to be Naylin' Paylin, the Hustler-sponsored porn film. Now, Larry Flynt and company are shooting a sequel, which promises to keep Palin in the public eye for a lot longer... if only in the eyes of bugging-out pervs...

From Fleshbot (and via AVN):

Hustler cashed in on the election hype with a quickie follow-up called Obama's Nailin' Paylin, featuring a bonus scene with Guy DiSilva as President Obama.
Why another Palin movie now?
"We'll keep doing it as long as we can get away with it," said Hustler exec Jeff Thill.

Lisa Ann, a.k.a. "Serra Paylin" (why bother to change the spelling at all when the name is pronounced the same way?) is on a strip club tour that stops in Hardeeville, South Carolina next month and other locations TBA. Meanwhile, Hustler is gearing up for Hollywood's Nailin' Paylin, a semi-sequel to their smash of last year.

We're guessing the plot involves Paylin going to Hollywood to seduce rich megastars (of the porn world) in the hopes they will back yet another one of her doomed bids for higher office. Wait, sorry-- did we say plot? It's probably just going to be a whole lotta this:

Related:

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Larry Flynt: How's About A Porn Bailout?

Leave Bristol Palin Alone?

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Is A Big, Whiny Phony

Scanner Emily vs. Sarah Palin

Scanner Brian's Year in Review

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 19:43:00 GMT

As you may have noticed, we're cleaning house today in preparation for a radically inventive new year, free of server crashes and other taint.

One way of wrapping it up is a post that covers just about everything you missed in 2008 here on Scanner. And while a Best of the Year list is still to come, we want to make sure you get an overall summation of what went down here in the past 365...

In January, we revealed a new study that indicated abortion rates are plummeting, coinciding with the release of Juno. Our readers claimed the real reason is because there are no more abortion clinics. The same month, I, Scanner Brian and Bobby Tisdale mutually invaded the Nerve offices to demand jobs, neither of us realizing what the hell we were doing. The next thing we knew, we were both blogging here and even making a bit of cash (yes, we get paid to write this garbage! Ha ha ha, suckers.)

In Februrary, Scanner Nicole returned from opening for the Stones and we became a bit too obsessed with Valentine's Day, which will happen again in 2009, despite the economy. Scanner Emily threw a party, at which Katie Halper did a bit about her crazy dating life, which lead to a brief stint blogging for Scanner. (We have a higher turnover rate than an American Apparel secretary pool.) We felt better about the younger generation after hearing about this t-shirt protest and became afraid for the future of England after this one.

The Eliot Spitzer scandal broke in March and our obsession with Ashley Alexandra Dupre began. The only other story we can recall about March was our Name That Bush contest. The big story would've been the Lindsay Lohan sex tape or the lost frog, had we ever actually found either.

In April, we ruffled some feathers with this misinterpreted post about some photos of Neve Campbell's boobs. Luckily, everyone was distracted by the blog about the passive aggressive notes or some other bullshit.

May saw the beginning of the end of the Democratic primary, although all we cared about is this totally hot actress with the worst outfit on the planet, even this totally nude non-actress was way more memorable. We also began fixating on vegetables with penises, a problem that continues into the current week at Scanner.

In June, Scanner Bryan (my spelling is the correct one, damn it) left us to for a Remote Island, causing total anarchy and a lack of James Lipton jokes. Scanner Nicole interviewed the owner of the Real Dolls and we... well, we couldn't land any interviews with porn stars so we could kickstart our "regular" feature. Most memorably, a woman was seriously injured by her Victoria's Secret thong and, in our then-biggest story ever, a kid died as a result of a urinary tract infection while his prayed. Yikes.

Then Scanner Emily took off for summer camp in New Hampshire and we were left holding the bag... of flaming shit! Just kidding-- our July was a smash success, mostly thanks to Michael Phelps's peen and other deliberately nude Olympians. Meanwhile, the Naked Lady rode again.

August was the month of stupid people. The stupid people who gave out their bank info (to a teenage boy undercover!) in order to access what they hoped would be a library of child porn. Each day's Sloppy Seconds was chock full of idiocy and weirdness, while Highs and Lows, as is the case with the two previously-mentioned August posts, was all about Sweden, the greatest country for sex, nudity, and nutjobs in the world.

In September, Emily returned from her hot (not very), wet (not in that way), American summer. Scanner was on the floor for Sarah Palin's night at the RNC and got involved with a police-led riot. Speaking of Palin, Scanner Emily wrote about virtually nothing else that month-- and we joined her, only because we couldn't resist posting these Photoshop classics.

As for Halloween, we were already talking about (slutty) Halloween costumes on the third day of October. Meanwhile, Hayden (our former love) pretended to support John McCain on Funny or Die. (By the way, more costumes posts here and here.)

Mid-November, we welcomed Scanner Matt and Scanner Emily started some shit with some Facebook Mormons. (We actually first wrote that as "Facebook Morons" and almost kept it.) At Thanksgiving, we were thankful for getting laid, Arlo Guthrie (not by Arlo Guthrie, thank God), and sweeet 'tater not pie.

Over the last month, there have been many brilliant posts, all of them written by myself, of course. Seriously, though, if you missed out on the last month, start here and read back. (Or just read Scanner Colleen's most beloved post.) This has taken us a century to write as is.

See you next year, sucka!

Drug Charges

Scanner Matt — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 17:14:00 GMT

Oh, that wacky, lovable Palin family... what have they got themselves into this time? Drugs? You betcha!

We never learned too much about Levi Johnston, except for a few gems of info found on his myspace page and the fact that he knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol. Here's an intimate look into his family life. The Anchorage Daily News reports Levi's mom was (ready?):

...arrested Thursday at her home by Alaska State Troopers with a search warrant in an undercover drug investigation. Sherry L. Johnston was charged with six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance.

Troopers charged Johnston with second-degree misconduct involving a controlled substance -- generally manufacturing or delivering drugs -- as well as fourth-degree misconduct involving controlled substances, or possession.

When asked about the arrest, Palin's spokesman, Bill McAllister, issued the following statement by e-mail: "This is not a state government matter. Therefore the governor's communications staff will not be providing comment or scheduling interview opportunities."

And oh yeah, eighteen year-old Bristol Palin is likely due on Saturday.

Related:

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin..

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

[image]

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Sarah Palin doesn't know what countries are in North America. She can't name the countries that belong to NAFTA and she thinks Africa is a country, not a continent. Nor could she name most of the countries in North Africa. It's frightening to imagine how close this woman came to being second-in-command of the United States.

Here's a rundown of all the stories the McCain campaign is leaking about Sarah Palin in an effort to a) pin the blame on someone on b) to doom her 2012 chances, because God knows, even GOPers want nothing to do with this person...

1) Palin spent thousands of dollars more on her clothes-spending spree than was reported. She also charged some of the purchases to credit cards owned by staffers, who have not been reimbursed. One scorned aide quipped that it was "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast," while another claims the real horrors will emerge once the RNC runs an audit. McCain, meanwhile, was kept in the dark about the real details, staffers claim, since he would surely have been offended by Palin's greed.

2) Steve Schmidt, the man who proposed Palin for VP, was the one who turned down her request to give a concession speech on Election Night. It's amazing to us that this Governor and national figure had no idea Vice Presidential candidates never make concession speeches.

3) Palin refused to prep for the Katie Couric interview, did not know that Africa is a continent, could not name the countries of North America or the ones belonging to NAFTA, and on and on.

4) Palin decided to go after the William Ayers issue without approval from the campaign's top people. McCain reportedly wanted nothing to do with the Ayers, Wright, and other "smear" angles-- so good for him.

5) To top it all off, Palin greeted McCain advisers in only a towel, telling the visitors they should hang out with Todd, whom Newsweek calls "laconic," while she prepared herself.

Meanwhile, the truth about McCain's inner circle emerges as well:

1) McCain's advisers got together prior to the final debate and agreed the election was over but that they shouldn't tell their candidate that.

2) McCain still doesn't understand why one of his heroes, John Lewis, went after him publicly.

And other interesting tidbits, according to Newsweek, about Obama:

1) He considered the debate format a terrible environment in which to personally shine as a candidate, even taking a dig at Brian Williams for his "dumb" global warming question.

2) Obama's team shot down all of his arguments for considering Hillary as VP. Meanwhile, as we already knew, McCain and Clinton talked on the phone earlier in the campaign because they were so chummy, another reason to make the Obama campaign nervous.

3) During the period of unrest at Palin-McCain rallies, the Secret Service warned the Obamas about an uptick in death threats and other eerie warnings. "Why would they try to make people hate us?" Michelle asked. Welcome to Republican campaign tactics, Madame First Lady.

See more expanded versions of these at the Newsweek site.

New World Resolutions

The Election Ain't Over Yet...

Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison By Un-American Tampa Court

Loving, Naked Tributes to Sarah Palin Just Keep on Coming

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:50:00 GMT

This is a slightly censored photograph of a nude portrait of Sarah Palin on the wall of Chicago's Old Town Ale House. The Ale House is famous for its wall art -- featuring portraits of Albert Einstein and Chris Farley, to name a few -- and last Thursday they unveiled a portrait by the bar's co-owner and resident artist Bruce Elliott of Palin in the buff.

And so, we have, after the jump, Palin in the buff on the wall of the Old Town Ale House via Brian Boyer:

If it isn't odd enough that the painting exists at all, check out Elliott's reply, when asked about the moose:

The moose is there because it realizes she’s going to turn around and blow his brains out.

Uh, intense. Maybe true. Definitely weird. And, since we know by now that there aren't any actual nude or bikini photos of the VP nominee, who served as Elliott's figure mode?

His daughter, Grace.

Sarah Palin's nomination as the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate was the greatest thing to happen to the genre of nude photography and portraiture in the recent history and as a subject, she's quite an inspiration.

Sarah Palin Gets Us All Hot and Bothered

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:13:00 GMT

For the past couple of weeks, I've had this image of Sarah Palin set as my Facebook photo... and in that time I've received more Facebook action than I've had in months. Apparently, Scanner Emily as Sarah Palin is far more attractive than Scanner Emily as Scanner Emily. Scanner Emily as Sarah Palin best of—from someone who grew up near my hometown—after the jump.

Eric [Redacted]
September 27 at 12:19pm
That pic of you is so hot and sexy. Just thought I would let you know

Emily Farris
September 27 at 12:21pm
That's a Photoshopped image of Sarah Palin, the dipshit Republican vice presidential nominee.
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Eric [Redacted]
September 27 at 9:53pm
lol oh sorry. i didn't recognize her. oh well. i don't like her anyways

Um... at least he doesn't like her?

We also got an email from the woman who created this image. We'll interview her later this week and hopefully she'll photoshop our faces onto hot bodies, too.

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson Would Like You to Know What They Think of Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:48:00 GMT

Are Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson the next Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins?

Last week, the couple made sure we took a few minutes to recognize the seventh anniversary of September 11, and yesterday, Lilo and Sam posted a joint MySpace blog post ranting on the GOP veep nominee, Sarah Palin.

Full text after the jump...

UH OH!
Current mood: shocked

I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin.

I couldn't be more supportive of a woman in office, but let's face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female.

Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?

I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor. Which is probably all she is qualified to be... Also interesting that she got her passport in 2006.. And that she is not fond of environmental protection considering she's FOR drilling for oil in some of our protected land.... Well hey, if she wants to drill for oil, she should DO IT IN HER OWN backyard. This really shows me her complete lack of real preparation to become the second most powerful person in this country.

Hmmmm-All of this gets me going-Fear, Anxiety, Concern, Disappointment, and Stress come into play...

Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?

I know that the most important thing about this election is that people need to exercise their right to vote, regardless of their choice... I would have liked to have remained impartial, however I am afraid that the "lipstick on a pig" comments will overshadow the issues and the fact that I believe Barack Obama is the best choice, in this election, for president...

Palin's Desire to "save and convert the gays"-really??

According to this Associated Press story, the church of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is hosting a kind of conference devoted to the "conversion of Gays" -- no kidding.

Here's the AP text:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) ? Gov. Sarah Palin's church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.

You'll be encouraged by the power of God's love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality," according to the insert in the bulletin of the Wasilla Bible Church, where Palin has prayed since she was a child.

Palin's conservative Christian views have energized that part of the GOP electorate, which was lukewarm to John McCain's candidacy before he named her as his vice presidential choice. She is staunchly anti-abortion, opposing exceptions for rape and incest, and opposes gay marriage and spousal rights for gay couples.

http://zennie2005.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah-palins-church-hosts-anti-gay.html

I feel it's necessary for me to clarify that I am not against Sarah Palin as a mother or woman.

Women have come a long way in the fight to have the choice over what we do with our bodies... And its frightening to see that a woman in 2008 would negate all of that.

Oh, and...Hint Hint Pali Pal- Don't pose for anymore tabloid covers, you're not a celebrity, you're running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!

And in the words of Pamela Anderson, "She can suck it"..

--

Lindsay- "I have faith that this country will be all that it can be with the proper guidance. I really hope that all of you make your decisions based on the facts and what feels right to you in your heart-vote for obama!"

Samantha- "I love this country- however i wasn't born here and don't have the right to vote- so i beg of you all to really do your research and be educated when you cast your vote this coming november.... and if you're in doubt- vote for obama! Mainly because if she gets elected my green card probably won't get renewed!!!"

xoxo
Lindsay and Samantha

So far, the post has generated more than 1,000 comments. And we never thought we'd say this, but we couldn't agree more with LiLo.

[MySpace via Faded Youth]

Related:

Lindsay Lohan Takes Time Out of Her Busy Day to Remind Us It's 9/11

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Lindsay Lohan: Lies My Father Told Me

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "A Lovely Couple"

Sloppy Seconds: And Just How Will Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Make a Baby?

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:55:00 GMT

There are so many nude photos of "Sarah Palin" floating around the web, photos that are either of Palin's head on some unknown model's body or Julia Louis-Dreyfus's. Readers previously debated this very question, unprovoked, in our first post of the supposed leaked photos, all of which are doctored or mislabeled in some way.

Now, we're going to ask you for real, with four naked photos of our next (Vice?) President to fight over...

Set of four photos via Fleshbot.

Related:

Scanner : sarah palin nude photos

While You Were Sleeping: Flirting Caused That Plane Crash

While You Were Sleeping: Sexually Incriminating Information

Son of the Montauk Monster!

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Hates Gays... Again

Sloppy Seconds: No Bullet-Proof Bras For You

Sloppy Seconds: These Boobs Are Made of Magic

Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Larry Flynt: How's About A Porn Bailout?

Leave Bristol Palin Alone?

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Is A Big, Whiny Phony

Scanner Emily vs. Sarah Palin

Scanner Brian's Year in Review

Drug Charges

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

The Election Is Over... And Now The Truth Comes Out

Last Night In Glorious Photos

New World Resolutions

The Election Ain't Over Yet...

Top 10 Reasons To Vote For Obama

Real or Fake? Nude Photos of Obama's Mother

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Gonzo Porn Director Slapped With 4 Years In Prison By Un-American Tampa Court

Loving, Naked Tributes to Sarah Palin Just Keep on Coming

Sarah Palin Gets Us All Hot and Bothered

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson Would Like You to Know What They Think of Sarah Palin

Lindsay Lohan Takes Time Out of Her Busy Day to Remind Us It's 9/11

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Lindsay Lohan: Lies My Father Told Me

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "A Lovely Couple"

Sloppy Seconds: And Just How Will Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Make a Baby?

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

No Wonder Sarah Palin Wants Kids to Stop Reading Books

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Sarah Palin Thinks Global Warming Is Polar Bear Sh*t

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't