Scanner : ryan gosling

Will the Real Mr. Skin Please Stand Up?

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Would you believe me if I told you I love Mr. Skin? Like, love it, love it? And that I look at it every day? What if I told you it wasn't that Mr. Skin, but instead a ~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin that shows the beautiful skins of beautiful misters?

What up, Johnny Depp?

Oh, Owen: you look so cute with a puppy!

Hello there, Javier.

Obviously the blog needs some work, and some more contributions. But this is a good start, and a great use of the name ~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin.

[~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin]

Related:

**F*ck Yeah, Ryan Gosling!**

And Then Ryan Gosling Reached Down to Take Off Scanner Emily's Wet Panties...

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

Scanner Highs and Lows: The Week We Did a Little Star F*cking

Emily Farris — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 23:41:00 GMT

Okay, so maybe we did more than a little star fucking. One might even say we went overbaord.

Highs:

We drooled (and debated) over some big beautiful women.

We continued to hold out hope that our bearded man Joaquin Phoenix is a'ight. Even though he appears to be the opposite of a'ight.

We helped a friend end a bad relationship.

We fell in love with a Koala bear.

We started to wonder if it's true that one can be either hot or smart (not both) and began to appreciate our brains a little more.

We may live in the worst dating city ever, but at least we don't live in the worst city ever.

Dr. Ruth helped us figure out what to do tomorrow night.

The Dalai Lama began following us on Twitter!

We love Lily Allen and we don't care who knows it.

We asked Judah Friedlander out (no, really, we did and he wrote back.. but if we go out I'm not blogging about it, per his request).

Also, we kind-of, sort-of found a way to make our Ryan Gosling fantasies come true.

We found some pretty fucking cool Valentine's Day presents.

Zoorotica. 'Nuff said.

Oh, and animals that are not doing dirty things: Westminster dog show photos.

Lows:

We had to confront the fact that we've been with a lot of people, but not in a long, long time.

And we thought Grand Theft Auto was disturbing!

The Grammys screwed M.I.A. (By the way, has she popped that baby out yet?)

After a week of eating super healthy (okay, not really), we had a strange craving for hamburgers.

We're still trying to decide what's worse: the crazy dog lady or the crazy baby lady.

Maybe we don't have a Valentine because no one knows when Valentine's Day falls on the calendar?

We cried over this video (and so did you!).

We figured out why we're deliciously fat.

Um, this baby is smarter than us (also we really love watching videos of babies).

FUCK!

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And Then Ryan Gosling Reached Down to Take Off Scanner Emily's Wet Panties...

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:19:00 GMT

What ever could we be talking about? Only the best idea we've seen yet for a Valentine's Day present.

We've seen our share of craptastic Valentine's Day presents in the last couple of weeks (and a few cool things) but the customized erotic novels might be our favorite. How does it work?

While you can't get it in time for Valentine's Day (it takes a week) you can print an excerpt from the website.

Also, you can order same-sex novels!

[UStar via NYT]

Related:

Dr. Ruth Has Something Sweet for You This Valentine's Day

Impress the Ladies with Valentine Gifts

Radio Station Gives Away Free Divorce for V-Day

Burlesque Star Wants To Spice Up Your Valentine's Day

Have a steak and blow job today. No, really. We insist.

F*ck Yeah, Ryan Gosling!

While You Were Sleeping: Zooey Deschanel's Next Record

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:16:00 GMT

Lily Allen's bizarre, Amy Winehouse-style rampage continues.

The stars react to their surprise Oscar nominations.

Who do you think said this: "I know people will find that as another thing to hate me on, but fuck it. I'm open to doing porn. Hell, I'll even do bisexual scenes - myself, another man and a woman, or just me and two women. I know people will find that as some weird shit, but I am who I am." The answer? Kanye West.

It's definitely over between Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling, friends. Macadams is now dating Josh Lucas.

Good for Young Jeezy for standing up to Bill O'Reilly: "I felt it was necessary."

Right-wing Democrat Kirsten Gillibrand is likely to be named as Hillary Clinton's replacement in the Senate about the time you read this.

And Zooey Deschanel is working with M. Ward on their followup to She & Him: Volume One. Hopefully, her fiancee, Ben Gibbard, will refrain from droning on in his lyric writing during their rumored collaboration.

What Do Christian Bale And Kermit The Frog Have In Common?

Today's Topless PETA Roundup

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen Sends Topless Pic To Wrong Guy

PapSmeared: We Would Like to Help Ryan Gosling Put Some More Holes in His Shirt... Please?

Emily Farris — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 23:39:00 GMT

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F*ck Yeah, Ryan Gosling!

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 17:31:00 GMT

Would you believe us if we told you that there is an entire blog devoted to Ryan Gosling's hotness? Would you believe us if we told you we didn't create it? You might not after seeing this next picture...

Another gem:

[Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling via The Frisky]

Related:

Crush of the Week: Ryan Gosling

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

Hush That Noise! Hugh Jackman is Not the Sexiest Man Alive

Sloppy Seconds: How Kanye West is Handling the Recession

Emily Farris — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 00:41:00 GMT

The nearly naked girl Michael Phelps has been spotted with his not his girlfriend. Mmmkay? [Us]

Another one (of our potential future husbands) bites the dust. Sam Talbot, ~~winner~~ runner up from Season 2 of Top Chef got married in a secret ceremony last month, further increasing my chances of becoming the Crazy Cat Lady. [People]

If you're selling pictures you took of Amy Winehouse smoking crack, it's possible you were also smoking (or selling) crack and might go to jail. [Radar]

What does Harvey Weinstein have to say about yesterday's Golden Globe nominations? [Vulture]

Just in time for us to go all batshit on it, Facebook is now totally legit! Donald Graham, chairman and chief executive of the Washington Post Co, has agreed to join the board of directors. [Yahoo!]

Kanye West is looking for an internship. No, not an intern, an internship. [FadedYouth]

White House officials turned down Barack Obama's request to move into The Blair House—where incoming presidents usually stay before inauguration—early so that his daughters, Sasha and Malia could start school on time. We hear the Red Roof Inn is really nice, though. [NYT]

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Sloppy Seconds: Who's Not Allowed to Play With Paris?

Emily Farris — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 23:37:00 GMT

What were your favorite and least favorite Nerve essays of 2008? Orly? Then you should go vote for them. [Nerve]

Some of your favorite NPR personalities may soon be gone. Fucking economy. [Gawker]

Why did Perez Hilton have to ruin a perfectly beautiful picture of our future husband Ryan Gosling? [PerezHilton]

Perhaps in a cash crunch like the rest of us, Michael Jackson is selling the gates leading to Neverland Ranch and his infamous glitter glove from the "Billie Jean" video. [Yahoo!]

Speaking of gloves, er, coming off, Tom Cruise is going in for another interview with Matt Lauer. [Us]

Oprah fell off (or onto?) the food wagon, maxing out at 200 pounds. It's just more for us to love, Lady O. [People]

Prince William was invited to Paris Hilton's New Years Eve party, but his "elders at the palace" reportedly do not want him partying with her. [Radar]

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Scanner Highs and Lows: Because We Have Nothing Better To Do on a Friday Night

Emily Farris — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:42:00 GMT

Yet again, we find ourselves grateful that the worst thing our mom ever did to us was show her boobs at our book party. Twice.

Highs:

We watched some sexy movies.

And discovered the greatest. move. ever.

We know what we're most thankful for this year. Mmmhmm.

We crushed a little on Borat's brother.

Could Barack and Michelle Obama be any fucking cuter? Ugh, probably.

OMG! Ashley Alexandra Dupre finally talked!

So did Pete Wentz. About those penis pictures.

We absolutely agreed with GQ's choice of Man of the Year.

Lows:

Yet again, we found ourselves grateful that our mom only showed her boobs (albeit twice) at our book party.

We got a glimpse of what life will be like in our new city.

If it wasn't Kansas City, it was going to be in Oregon.

We have officially reached the point where we'd rather eat (or fuck) a taco than fuck an actual man.

Apparently, girls really do have cooties.

Miley Cyrus. Just her. In general.

We continue to wonder why our cushion hasn't gotten us more pushin'.

We contested People's choice of sexiest man alive.

Hush That Noise! Hugh Jackman is Not the Sexiest Man Alive

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:02:00 GMT

People has named Hugh Jackman the Sexiest Man Alive in 2008. While we cannot deny that Jackman is very sexy and is alive, we absolutely cannot sit idly by while People spews these lies to the public.

So who do we think is the sexiest man alive? Like there was ever any question (and no, it's not Barack Obama or Robert Downey Jr, though they, too are sexy and alive).

Oh, god. Make it stop! Make it stop!

Does anyone disagree with us? If so, we challenge you to a brawl!

[Today: G’day! Hugh Jackman is new Sexiest Man Alive]

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

While You Were Sleeping: The Lapdancers And The Prime Minister

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

A New England Patriots cheerleader was booted from the squad after Facebook pictures showed her drawing penises and swastikas on a passed-out girl's body.

The New York Times wants you to know that stretching before exercise is actually a bad idea.

And so it begins... check out what this Floridian DJ did to "celebrate" Obama's victory...

Mark Larsen, who is white, dressed in blackface makeup at the start of his show.
“This gives me that Uncle Tom feel,” said Larsen, who also joked about changing his name to Marcus Washington Larsen. “Are you sure this comes off? Because I don’t feel like running for president.”

Before Tuesday’s election, Larsen talked about seeing a long line of black people waiting to vote at a Tampa Bay area polling place, saying they “looked like the line for takeout at Big Tim’s Barbecue” in St. Petersburg. And shortly after putting on the blackface makeup Wednesday, he told a caller he presumed to be black that “You love (America) because you have a man of color going to the White House. Before that, you probably were a malcontent." [Tampabay.com]

Lost in all the election hoopla yesterday: Massachusetts decriminalized marijuana of less than one ounce.

Why do we get the feeling this is going to be terrible? Antonio Banderas may be playing Salvador Dali.

Even these exotic dancers were unable to get the British Prime Minister's attention.

And Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling are over... are you reading this, Scanner Emily?

Related:

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Get Scurrred

Today in WTF: Female Stripper Charged With Raping Customer

Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1990s

Crush of the Week: Ryan Gosling

Ryan Gosling, Will You Marry Me?

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:33:00 GMT

Um... am I the only one who wants to lick the center of my monitor right now?

[Image]

Top 5 Sex Scenes From "Chick Flicks"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:35:00 GMT

5. Cold Mountain. Debatably not hot, thanks to the movie's "soaring, sweeping" saga score, this does have two components that make it automatically worth a look: Nicole Kidman and Jude Law.

4. Coming Home. Debatably not a chick flick, this is nonetheless a great sex scene involving a man in a wheelchair that is not from a David Cronenberg film.

3. Jerry Maguire. You complete me. Unfortunately, this is an incomplete video-- the first word, "Don't," is missing. With that in mind, you should still be able to enjoy...

2. Feast of Love. There about 4,812 sex scenes in this chick flick, some even with Selma Blair, but none of them are as hot as the first five seconds of this one... against the glass in the rain... ah...

1. The Notebook. Wow... should this movie have been rated NC-17 or what? Not that we're complaining...

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Older Lovers

Jamie Bell's First Sex Scene Marred By Boner

We Boiled Mena Suvari's Sex Movie Down To Its Most Watchable Moments

Kate Moss: Unplugged, Uncensored, Uncovered

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Food

Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

Sloppy Seconds: No More Penis Pumps

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:21:00 GMT

The reason young women don't go to church anymore? Buffy the Vampire Slayer, of course.

Anna Faris gets tossed from the Playboy Mansion in "The House Bunny," opening today.

Check out this beyond insane story out of good ol' Mississippi:

A Jones County man admits to assaulting the pastor of an Ellisville Baptist Church.

Michael Clark is accusing pastor Steve Nixon of sending inappropriate text messages to his wife and other parishoners wives.

Wednesday, before bible study, Clark whipped the pastor with an air hose. He says he wanted to stop any communications before it got out of hand.

The same idiot who goofed on the sexuality of a Green Party candidate for Governor of Massachusetts is in trouble again after his wife filed six fake ratings surveys to help boost his numbers.

Who the hell is going to see this Tucker Max movie anyway?

Don't fly with your penis pump this weekend. Or ever again, if you're coming to or leaving the US.

If he's dating Rachel McAdams and she's dating Ryan Gosling, we're pretty sure there's no good reason to ever break up. Know what we mean?

Sloppy Seconds: Just How Good is Mini Me In Bed?

Emily Farris — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:16:00 GMT

We'd be so pissed if our sibling wrote a book about us and spilled all of our secrets. Apparently, Madonna isn't as close to her brother as we are to our sister. [Queerty]

Christina Applegate's ex-boyfriend Lee Grivas was found dead from an apparent drug overdose. [People]

Ashley Alexandra Dupre has decided to drop her $10M lawsuit against Joe "Boobies" Francis. [Radar]

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban welcomed baby Sunday Rose Kidman Urban into the world today. [Yahoo]

We like to look at Ryan Gosling. Do you? [Daily Stab]

Ranae Shrider, the woman from Mini Me Verne Tryoer's sex tape, would like you to know that what he lacks in size he makes up for in technique. [MollyGood]

Related:

Catch a Glimpse of Mini Me's Mini Me in His Sex Tape

Crush of the Week: Ryan Gosling

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

Hey Ash, Long Time, No See (And Nice Tat!)

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Fall in Love With Ashley Alexandra Dupre

Sloppy Seconds: Ashley Alexandra Dupre "Gone Wild?"

Crush of the Week: Ryan Gosling

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:03:00 GMT

On the way back from Vegas on Saturday, our plane was temporarily diverted to a runway in Rochester because of bad weather in New York. While many of my travel companions were busy playing celebrity, I watched "The Notebook."

I'd seen the end before, not too long after a break-up. And after catching just the last fifteen minutes, I cried for three hours.

While I enjoy a good cry every once in a while, every time someone has tried "to Notebook me," I've refused. Three hours of crying should only happen when someone you actually know, in the real world, dies... or breaks up with you. But when you're stuck on a plane with few channels and nothing better to do (we know, we could have played celebrity or gotten wasted), sometimes a sappy movie hits the spot. And most times, Ryan Gosling hits the spot.

I'd already decided I wanted him to plant his seed me in after watching "Lars and the Real Girl," and after a full screening of "The Notebook," I was sure I'd found my purpose in life: getting Ryan Gosling to plant his seed in me.

And then I opened up my blog reader and had one of those Us Weekly moments: Ryan Gosling, he's just like us! He gets coffee for himself and other people! Which, of course, made me want him even more.

And for that (yes, "that" being getting his own coffee and being fucking hot), he is our crush of the week. Can you really blame us?

Related:

Five Things I Learned in Vegas

It's Friday the 13th and Scanner Emily is About to Board a Plane to Vegas

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

Golden Globe Nominees We'd Like to Make Out With: Most of Them

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While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:37:00 GMT

We finally listened to a track from Scarlett Johansson's Tom Waits cover album. It's actually not the worst thing we've ever heard, but we think with all that fancy production, we could do it, too. (Why are we so reluctant to think she's a good singer?) [Spinner]

Another Lohan is about to be unleashed on the world. [People]

President Bush has turned to Deal or No Deal for help with the federal budget. [Us Weekly]

Hey ladies, Kayne West is single again. [Us Weekly]

Is one of the Sex and the City characters going to kick the bucket in the upcoming movie? [Star]

Oh no she didn't! It is so going down, Kirsten Dunst. You and Ryan Gosling? Okay, we actually think you'd make a really cute couple if we didn't want him all to ourselves. [Gabby Babble]

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

Emily Farris — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 22:17:00 GMT

George Bush and John McCain celebrated McCain's nomination by eating hot dogs. Makes us want a hot dog. Real bad. On second thought, no, it doesn't. We've just been waiting a really long time to use that Jennifer Coolidge hot dog line.

Simon Cowell will not be shilling Viagra. Not even for two million dollars. Not even for a lifetime of erections.

Though we're not big gun fans, we do like to cause trouble and really would have liked to go through the securty checkpoint at La Guardia with this gun bag this morning—especially after someone threw away our brand new tube of toothpaste!

Oh, awesome. More reality TV. All summer long.

And not that this has anything to do with anything, but we're madly in love with Ryan Gosling. Just thought we'd share. You know, in case he's out there wishing underneath the same big star. Because apparently that Michael McDonald thing isn't going to work out for us; he never called.

[Image of sexy, sexy Ryan Gosling via weblogs.variety.com]

Golden Globe Nominees We'd Like to Make Out With: Most of Them

Emily Farris — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 20:51:00 GMT

Golden Globe nominations were announced today and we realized we kind-of want to make out with Keira Knightley, who just got a nomination for her role in Joe Wright’s “Atonement." Actually we'd like to make out with her co-star, James McEvoy, too. And now that we think about it, there are few Golden Globe nominees we wouldn't want make out with this year (mmm....Ryan Gosling, he's the one we'd most like to make out with).

[New York Times]

[Golden Globes]