Scanner : rock and roll

Who Will be Named America's Hottest Rocker Mom?

Colleen Kane — Wed, 13 May 2009 13:34:00 GMT

They're moms, and they rock. To promote IFC's show Z Rock, about a kids' band by day/ rock band by night, IFC is holding the America's Hottest Rocker Mom contest. Entrants, like Claudia, above, describe their favorite bands, concert moments, and rock crushes, and make their case for why they should win. Says Claudia, "Because my son's classmates check me out and my son gets a kick out of it. I'm hot like that!"

Winner gets bragging rights and $5K, and there's only one more day to submit photos for consideration, so hop to it, rocker moms. Here's some of the competition that rocker judge Sebastian Bach will look over...

For more MySpaced-out looking rock moms than we saw at the Bon Jovi concert a few weeks back, check out the contest and vote for the winner here.

PS. One more time, for the kids: ROCKER.

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Keith Richards Shows Us His Other Appendage... No, Not the Guitar, Silly...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 22:40:00 GMT

Last night, we attended the opening reception of the Not Fade Away Gallery in New York City, which is first hosting a treasure trove of unreleased photos of the Stones and Beatles in their early days. Uncensored behind-the-scenes photos of Ringo acting the fool, Brian Jones getting wasted on margaritas, and other general merriment dotted the gallery.

We spent a good hour there just waiting for promised special guest Keith Richards to arrive, but eventually gave up. Before we took off, we loaded up on Blue Point beer and snuck several unauthorized photos of the photos, including this one of Keith Richards peeing in what appears to be an outdoor sink...

Click here for the uncensored photo and a close-up.

Is this why he didn't show? Well, it's not like we can tell how big the rest of it is just from him starting to whip it out, but one can make certain assumptions.

Moving along, here are the other photos we snuck... including this great candid of an historic moment: Mick Jagger eyeing an (unopened) copy of Bob Dylan's Bringing It All Back Home, the album that many consider the first "rock" record...

Again apologies for the poor photography, but we had to be sneaky. If you want to visit the gallery, here's that information.

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Bearded Men On Craig's List: Or, How We'll Get Scanner Emily To Move Back To NYC

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:42:00 GMT

We're recovering from public nudity burnout after this morning's news and for some idiotic reason, decided that a sane refuge would be the Craig's List Missed Connection section.

Based on what we've come across in the w4m section, a mysterious brand of man has taken over the city of New Amsterdam...

...the beard-o. Jim James, pictured above, the lead singer of Kentucky rock band My Morning Jacket, is rumored to have made the city a second home. The hipsters in Williamsburg have all seemingly realized that, though they live in an urban area, the ladies will overlook the flannel shirts and generally disheveled appearance... as long as the dude's got a beard.

beardo stare - w4m (union pool)

ten thousand dollar stare, what was the even? giving someone "the look" for so long that they begin to fear for their life certainly works, but when you don't follow up with at least a half crack of a smile it still just leaves them fearing for their life.
let's do this rattlesnake dance, you angel.

ps. one hundred bones says your clothes smell like campfire.

When we read the part about one hundred bones, it kind of freaked us out. Maybe it's because we were listening to Warren Zevon's "Excitable Boy," with its deliberately goofy melody and the terrifying lines: "And he dug up her grave/and made a cage with her bones/excitable boy, they all said."

L train making eyes and a laugh - w4m (brooklyn)

...Your beard was new, a month tops-- more like a shadow than a beard. ...I noticed you staring at me i think at Bedford. I stopped actually reading my magazine so i could see if you were still glancing at me at Graham. Surprisingly, you were still on the train at my stop at Myrtle-Wyckoff. we smiled and you watched me leave the train. I turned around twice and you were still looking. you seem fun. i liked your eyes. and i want to know how that book is. are you a Halsey stop guy? Want to go on a hike? I think my camelbak and your hiking boots will get us far enough in the treacherous terrain of Mccarren or Central or Prospect Park.

More choice beard sightings:

I was the brunette with my hair up in a bun, wearing a colorful yellow & pink scarf and long black coat, talking to my friend. you sat next to her and it seems like you kept looking over at us, maybe at me? you had a beard and a hearing aid, were in sneakers and carrying a sports bag. I think I've seen you on the train before.

You were the cute guy with the reddish-brown beard and a stocking hat (that looked like maybe a chicago or cleveland team??) who got on the F... I was the brown eyed brunette sitting a few seats away in a black peacoat and rain boots reading a magazine. We caught eyes when you got on and kept sneaking looks until I had to get off....

Piece of advice: if you aren't 100% sure which team it is your potential dude favors, best to refrain from even mentioning it. Haven't you people seen Diner?

Although all is not lost for you dudes without beards... as this lady suggests, you could always... grow one. (Otherwise, forget it.)

hey bud.. i was sitting to your left while you smoked a hookah at the bar... could not stop thinking about how sexy you'd be with some scruff or a full on beard. you have the hottest "bear" potential. hit me up!

Scanner Emily, better hurry back-- all these enterprising ladies are staking all the bearded territory...

Via Craig's List.

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Crush of the Week: Carrie Brownstein

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:17:00 GMT

Carrie Brownstein, let me count the ways: hot, lesbian, in a sexy lesbian hard rock band (currently on hiatus), blogger, indie, participates in hilarious podcasts for NPR's All Songs Considered, hot, hot, hot.

(The fact that she dates women in no way affects our adoration one way or another. We just wanted to mention it as a way of explaining why we don't just shut up about her and use our connections to land a date.)

If you still consider her to be "in" rock and roll, then perhaps you'll peruse these photos and agree she's one of the sexiest brunettes in rock and roll.

Brownstein landed on the national map in the 1990s (holy shit, that was a long time ago at this point) thanks to her membership in the indie rock trio Sleater-Kinney, eventually landing in Time Magazine as its Best Band In America at the end of the decade. We first fell in love with Carrie after purchasing Dig Me Out and gushing over the adorable booklet photos of her-- oh, and the music was all right, I guess.

Seriously, Sleater-Kinney has always been a seriously entertaining band, and, many would argue, an explosive live act (see below evidence.) Therefore, we were forced to do a bit of scrambled readjustment when Monitor Mix first appeared on the NPR website.

"My hopes for Monitor Mix are that it will be descriptive as opposed to merely prescriptive. I would rather discuss and examine what it is that people actually consume than to tell you what you should be listening to." [Wikipedia]

How intelligent, especially for a rock star. Then, she had to go one-up herself with these excellent podcasts for All Songs Considered, in which she joins other NPR music staffers in goofing on each other and playing Ramones and Gerbils songs, plus a brief interlude of "All By Myself" until they can't keep a straight face anymore. Adorable.

And don't get us started on this comedy team she put together with Fred Armisen... it's making her look even more awesome than we thought possible... like Smittens wore by two seven-year-old lovebirds...

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BBC Wants You to Know You'll All Get Sex Cancers

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:27:00 GMT

Sex cancers are going to get you! Sex cancers are going to get you!

Can you tell it's a slow news day all over the world, especially at the BBC?

According to their intrepid reporter and staggering research power, the British Broadcasting Corporation has revealed that all that sex and drugs and rock 'n roll you baby boomers enjoy so much has led to cancers of your genitalia:

Rates of anal, vulval and vaginal cancers rose for "baby boomers" born in the decades after the Second World War.

The culprit is the human papillomavirus (HPV), acquired during sex, said the King's College London study.

Up to three out of four people will be infected, it estimates. The British Journal of Cancer report says changes in sexual habits may be the cause.

HPV has been implicated in a number of cancers, including cervical, anal, vulval, vaginal and penile - although the diseases can be caused by other factors too.

We had to check this story's publication date to make sure, but we can confirm that the BBC has discovered the existence of HPV... after the entire state of Texas. Now, that's news...

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Top 10 Bands That Twitter

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 22:51:00 GMT

Celebrities are becoming addicted to this horrible twat service, Twitter. If Britney Spears (allegedly) breaks her Salinger-like silence by using the free website to communicate with humans (ex-husband K-Fed doesn't count, seeing how he is a zombie), then is there nowhere for Twitter to go?

10. Rilo Kiley

Rilo Kiley in Legos >> http://tinyurl.com/234ch7

9. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Excited for tonight. Jarvis [Cocker? -- Ed.] is coming by with daiquiri mix and a cardboard cutout of himself. You still up for a jam session, @andylevy?**

8. The Eagles of Death Metal

I love this tweezy thing.

7. The Dave Matthews Band

I wonder if snail farts smell if you're close enough to the snail's asshole to smell something so tiny?

6. Pearl Jam

wonders if Britney Spears having a Twitter is a jump-the-shark moment.

5. Ryan Adams and the Cardinals

Uploading new YouTube Holiday Hotel Jam of "Two"!
P.S. 2000 Followers! Thanks!

4. The Raconteurs

Vote for "Old Enough" on CMT Pure's 12-Pack Countdown http://tinyurl.com/p67st

3. AC/DC

Big announcement 1 or 2 weeks away..

2. R.E.M.

What song do you most want to hear the band do tonight? #rembowl Reply back to @remhq
Michael Stipe's 4th set of responses are up on popsongs - http://tinyurl.com/42rh4r

1. Sonic Youth

another one mixed : no way. are we done? a few fix-ups yet to work on tonight. work on the artwork is continuing.
"no, i wanna see the hairy gonads hanging fr yamaha spkrs"

Hopefully, next week's Top 10 list of our favorite musicians that Tweet will be more exciting. (Actually, we already know Tom Waits and Willie Nelson will be on there, so that's gotta count for something.)

Honorable Mention: The Beastie Boys and Guns 'N Roses. Both groups signed up for Twitter and have yet to make any updates.

**We acknowledge the Nick Cave Twitter is most likely a parody, yes.

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Today is the Day the Music Died

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:49:00 GMT

On February 3, 1959, a small chartered airplane carrying rock 'n roll singers and virtual superstars Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper (alias of J.P. Richardson) crashed in an Iowa field, killing them instantly.

While everyone knows this story, recounted in the famous tribute "American Pie," a #1 single by Don McLean, the so-called "Day the Music Died" is most interesting for all the many strange and unusual turn of events that led Holly, Valens, and Richardson to fly that plane...

Here are the more memorable coincidences, fateful decisions, and other story elements we've retained from numerous news stories over the years:

1) There was never supposed to be a plane. Even back then, rock stars had a large touring bus in which to commute to their endless gigs. Unfortunately, they were doing a Midwestern tour in the winter and their ride's heating system had collapsed.

2) They were supposed to have the next day off. Greedy promoters spotted an open date on the tour itinterary and called a ballroom owner in Moorhead, Minnesota, eventually the plane's intended destination, and secured a booking.

3) Richie Valens wasn't supposed to be on the plane at all. He flipped for a seat with the touring guitar player and won his spot.

4) The Big Bopper didn't have a seat on the plane either. (In fact, the singer Dion would've been the fourth famous singer killed that day if he hadn't of balked at the $36 airfare.) In perhaps one of the most important moments in both rock and roll and modern country music, Waylon Jennings had the final spot on the plane, but gave it up to the whining Richardson. When Buddy Holly spotted Waylon leaving the aircraft with his belongings, he jokingly snapped, "Well, I hope you're ol' bus freezes up." Jennings laugh and shot back, "Yeah, well, I hope your ol' airplane crahses." No wonder the man drank himself to oblivion in his later years...

5) The pilot wasn't an experienced nighttime flyer and was misinformed about weather conditions. It is said that poor visibility and a lack of sufficient operating instruments were likely leading contributors in the crash, which killed the pilot on impact.

Looking for something uplifting after all this? Thanks to the magic of technology, the great work these gentlemen did before their untimely deaths is preserved for all time... here's Buddy Holly, for starters:

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Top 10 Cover Songs of All-Time

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:10:00 GMT

A while ago, someone pointed out to us that ever list of the best cover songs of all-time includes cuts like "Knockin' On Heaven's Door" by Guns 'N Roses or hits by-- gulp-- Cher. Hopefully, this will be at least a step in the right direction...

10. Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight) - KRS-One. We have to admit, this is only on here because there's no other hiphop cover that's as close to our hearts. You can keep your lame Fugees cover of "Killing Me Softly," which even that group's members despise. You can keep your P. Diddy sampling/ripoff garbage. KRS-One didn't need to cover or even sample Blondie's "Rapture" for us to remember this cut from the mid-90s-- that's how superior it is to other hiphop covers.

Step Into A World (Rapture's Delight)

9. Comfortably Numb - The Scissor Sisters. This is pure pop, and maybe the disposable kind: disco. However, to take a classic like Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" and not only turn into a catchy dance freakout, complete with a far more memorable melody has gotta count for something, no?

[YouTube link]

8. Crossroads - Cream. This is an old Robert Johnson song, one that guitar player Eric Clapton was dying to tear into for years before this live performance at the Fillmore. He's never been able to top this, not even on Layla. After years of listening to it, we're still awed by that brutal solo.

Crossroads

7. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley. It's come down to this-- it takes an angry backlash by a dead singer's internet fanbase to give Jeff Buckley the Top 5 hit he always deserved with this Leonard Cohen song. Although pretty much every version except the John Cale attempt (which is arguably even more famous, since it was used in Shrek) is worthy of the Master, it would be hard to top the simple beauty of young Buckley's 1994 release, which grows sadder every year. "All I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew ya."

Hallelujah

6. Hurt - Johnny Cash. Neither one of his best songs nor one of his best covers (those would be Folsom Prison Blues and Sam Hall, respectively), but seeing how there are so many people that think this is his peak, we find ourselves including it here anyway. In this version, recorded shortly before his death, Cash stripped away the anger of Trent Reznor's initial take on the material, giving it the devastating treatment it really deserved. Even notoriously pop-minded country music fans dug it-- it went on to win the CMA for Single of the Year.

Hurt

5. Me and Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin. "If it sounds country, man, that's what it is-- it's a country song." Despite being a very pop version of a nostalgic Southern anthem by Kris Kristofferson, Joplin's first and only #1 is still essential for road trip mixes more than three decades after her death.

Me And Bobby McGee

4. House of the Rising Sun - the Animals. When Eric Burdon bought Bob Dylan's first album, he discovered, amid a bunch of forgettable covers, an obscure traditional folk song about a little girl in New Orleans. Alan Price provided the unmistakable keyboard intro and the Animals had a #1 song, just like that, a prize that should have been their first of many. Unfortunately, this is the one for which they are best remembered.

House Of The Rising Sun

3. With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Cocker. This cover of a song from the Sgt. Pepper album was such a tremendous success that the Beatles took out a full page ad in a newspaper to congratulate Cocker on the arrangement. And that was before he'd performed what for us is the single greatest concert number of the 1960s-- seen here at Woodstock:

2. Respect - Aretha Franklin. "That woman stole my song," Otis Redding said of this version, his tone a mixture of pride and despair. Today, you can't play the songs back to back without saying, "Ouch, she really whipped the original's ass, didn't she?"

Respect [Album Version]

1. All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix. We don't really need to explain why this is #1, do we? Just for fun, we'll remind you of the story of a London studio in early 1968, where Jimi sat working on a new record, when someone burst in with tapes from Bob Dylan's late-'67 Nashville sessions. Hendrix immediately began reworking the short, sparse, and folkie tune into a full-on electric guitar assault. We'll let Dylan tell you the rest:

"It overwhelmed me, really. He had such talent, he could find things inside a song and vigorously develop them. He found things that other people wouldn't think of finding in there. He probably improved upon it by the spaces he was using. I liked Jimi Hendrix's record of this and ever since he died I've been doing it that way... Strange how when I sing it, I always feel it's a tribute to him in some kind of way." [Biograph liner notes, via Wikipedia]

All Along The Watchtower

Honorable mentions: Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - the Animals (by Nina Simone); Soul Man by the Blues Brothers and I Thank You by ZZ Top (both recorded by Sam & Dave and written by Isaac Hayes); Mr. Tambourine Man - the Byrds (by Bob Dylan); and Stop Your Sobbing - the Pretenders (written by Ray Davies.)

Obviously, it's much easier to think of atrocious cover songs that radio stations see fit to play these days: Limp Bizkit's "Behind Blue Eyes," Madonna's "American Pie" (never the greatest set of lyrics to begin with, but then you add her insipid melody to it), Britney Spears and Hillary Duff butchering everything imaginable, and just about anything Sheryl Crow has released this century-- especially "The First Cut is the Deepest," which should've made Cat Stevens come out of retirement and do a world tour just to show her how it's done.

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Delusional Washed Up Rock Star, "The Crabs Won"

Scanner Matt — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 20:39:00 GMT

Steven Tyler is 60 and his band, who should have had the decency to break up or go down in a private jet by the late 80s, is 39-years-old. He did an interview with February's Elle Magazine where he openly talks about sex. But when his words of advice to all men are, "Lie till you die," should we believe any of the old man's stories? Here are some of the highlights from the interview...

ELLE: What can you tell me about your first sexual experience?

Steven Tyler: It was at the age of seven with twins.

ELLE: Where does a boy go to find naughty prepubescent twins?

ST: They sat next to me in the church choir. They were French.

ELLE: At that age, I can’t imagine you got the full ménage à trois.

ST: They took me home one day, and we had a you-show-me-yours-I’ll-show-you-mine session. Isn’t that great? You know, I look at their pictures now and think to myself, How much sweeter does it get? And isn’t it crazy that my ex-wife Teresa was a twin and my girlfriend now is a twin?

ELLE: So in your marriage to Teresa, was there ever any serious talk of bringing the other twin into the bedroom?

ST: I asked her for years and I got so smacked down.

ELLE: Since you’ve had a couple marriages fail, I wondered: If you could will your voice to be heard in the head of every man a split second before he pops the question, what would you say?

ST: “Don’t get fuckin’ married.” And “Lie till you die.”

ELLE: When you and Joe competed for women, who won?

ST: Well, we didn’t compete, but we did share. And the crabs won.

ELLE: In Walk This Way, the oral history of Aerosmith, the band’s engineer, Rabbit Hansen, said that band members weren’t to accept oral sex for the last 10 days of tour so as not to spread venereal diseases to girlfriends at home.

ST: That wasn’t the band’s rule. You didn’t have sex for 10 days at the end of tour, but that was so you’d be sure to go home with a full cup of chowder. If you didn’t, you were definitely suspect.

ELLE: Women know that men touch themselves. Isn’t that a good excuse for, uh, low chowder levels?

ST: That only holds with a woman the first couple times.

ELLE: In the ’70s, you once told an interviewer, “I’ll tell you what’s fun—finding the right stewardess and turning her upside down in the back of a plane.” Did this actually happen? I mean, aren’t flight attendants too busy to be nailing passengers?

ST: Are you kidding? They would tell me, “I’ll meet you in the bathroom in 10 minutes.”

ELLE: Do you think post-9/11 this might be harder to pull off?

ST: The bathroom’s still there. You just open the door and walk in. But if it happens now, it’s usually on night flights.

ELLE: Has any female celebrity ever shunned your advances?

ST: Never. I’m a persistent motherfucker. I’m very sensual and very rhythm-oriented and into poetry. Women can feel that.

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Tickle Me Emo: Male Rocker RealDoll'

[image]

Tickle Me Emo: Male Rocker RealDoll

Colleen Kane — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:27:00 GMT

You are likely already familiar with RealDoll, the disturbingly lifelike sex dolls, as pictured above. But now pretend boyfriends come in RealDoll format--even pretend rock 'n' roll boyfriends.

We are still a little confused of the usage of the word "emo," because back in the '90s it used to mean bands like Sunny Day Real Estate. Now it seems to be an all-encompassing rock term meaning, "a bunch of tools wearing striped hoodies and guyliner." And this guy above could be trying out for a Motley Crue cover band, they're certainly not emo. But enough nitpicking-- it's a rocker RealDoll.

If only this had existed when a certain Scanner writer was a serial dater of rocker types, before swearing off said rock types.

Actually, no. This is creepy.

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via Fleshbot, photo by Lux Alptraum

C-Love in HEEB's Wasted Issue

Colleen Kane — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:11:00 GMT

While my patent-leather Doc Martens were retired long ago, I will always have a special place in my heart for Courtney Love. But I've attempted to read her rambling, incoherent MySpace blog posts lately, to no avail, so I approached HEEB's new cover interview with Courtney by Karen Bookatz wondering if she has anything left to say that will make sense to the rest of us.

Turns out, she does. About one passage in the interview, actually, when she discusses her ideal backing band. (I do not envy whomever had to transcribe those monologues.)

"This all-girl fantasy I’ve had my whole life, of you know. . .I’m going to show those Beatles, we’re going to be huge! Well, it’s not going to happen, right now, for my generation, for me. You know what I mean? Like, there are fucking riot grrrls sitting there banging on pots and pans and talking about their vaginas, and that’s all really lovely, and like the writing is great, but the music blows. I mean you have to fucking sit in your room and practice. You have to fucking learn how to play guitar, you have to learn how to play bass, you have to learn how to fucking play drums. You have to go get Zeppelin one through four, and you have to fucking sit in a fucking little room off Hollywood Blvd. For two hundred dollars a fucking month, and you have to play those goddamn drums. And for whatever reason, women just haven’t seemed to want to do that."

That actually makes a lot of sense...except for oh, I don't know, SLEATER-KINNEY but whatevs. She still has a valid point. Time for less "Rock of Love" hoes and more grrrls to show those Beatles.

I also have a guess for the unnamed actor she refers to at length as her grandfather in this interview, based on a rambling late-night message or two she left on the voicemail at my former workplace: Marlon Brando. Google their names together and she's talked about it elsewhere, not sure why it was so hush-hush for this Q&A.

Yoo-hoooooo! Now's Your Chance at Love, Fellas!

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Not All Swedes Are Hot

Colleen Kane — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 16:20:00 GMT

You might not want to believe it, but evidence has just emerged indicating that Sweden did have some fuggs in the 1970s. As punishment for their genetic failure, these outcasts were put in dance bands and forced to dress alike in Technicolor Spandex versions of high-school band uniforms.

Let's take a look at some more!

These guys are a close-knit group. But there's a reason (moose knuckle) they put old Beardy Svensson in the front there.

This one was started by Kenny Rogers fanatics.

And here we have HiCK, starring: The Hick.

You know who I'm talking about.

Just note the band name for this next one.

I also took the liberty of creating a Swedish Dance Band Supergroup. They are called SuperSvenska. Here's the lineup:

Bengt

Someone's hippy dad, Far

Andreas, the ego of the operation

This guy, who I like to call LOLsson

And don't forget The Swedish Hick.

See the whole treasure trove at Yemii Pics.

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This Week In Gayness: Straight Man Sues Over Homophobic Taunting

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:44:00 GMT

Caroline Kennedy, who seems to be losing steam in her quest for the Senate, supports gay marriage.

There has been a 16% rise in violence against gays and lesbians this year, while 2007 had already seen a 16% rise over '06, according to the author of this story about a woman gang-raped in San Francisco for having a rainbow sticker on her car.

Strollerderby reported on the principal who censored a student's pro-gay rights paper...

Students at the Academy for Arts, Science & Technology near Carolina Forest have traditionally printed their paper on their own, using funds from ad sales to cover the cost of printing the quarterly paper. But when administrators, including Principal Ronnie Burgess, saw the picture of two male students holding hands and an editorial advocating for same-sex marriage, they told the kids the paper couldn't be distributed. They offered $500 in school funds to reprint the paper - without the editorial and picture.
Burgess said he was afraid the original paper would be "disruptive."
"I had some concerns about the content of the article and how it might impact students here and what the community concerns might be when the article was distributed," he told the Myrtle Beach-based Sun News. I'm not surprised that an administrator is afraid of community backlash (even homophobic, small-minded backlash), but what floors me is the rest of Burgess' statement to the paper: "At the academy we encourage diversity, we don't look to silence student voices, we hope to facilitate their expression."

Queen guitarist Brian May was the only person on earth who didn't know his lead singer, Freddie Mercury, was a homosexual.

Arizona's activists aren't taking state-sanctioned bigotry lying down.

"Mommy and Mama Now Legal In New York," at least on the birth certificates of kids born of gay parents in the state.

75% of Americans support gay marriage and/or civil unions, while 63% support strengthening hate crime laws.

And a court in Brighton, England ruled that a straight man can be considered "sexually harassed" over gay jokes even if he is not gay himself.

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"No Brown M&M's": At Last, The Truth...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:42:00 GMT

We always scoffed at references to and jokes involving the infamous story of Van Halen and "the brown M&Ms." If friends say, "No brown M&Ms, please," we always rolled our eyes. "Oh man, that's the oldest joke in the books," we'd mutter. "And it isn't even true."

Turns out, the Smoking Gun has proof that it is true... and that the rest of the rock band's famous 53-page concert rider turns out to be just as obnoxious...

The band has always claimed that their absurd demands were to ensure the promoters did not phone in production of the event-- "the M&M provision was included to make sure that promoters had actually read its lengthy rider. Van Halen surmised that more important aspects of a performance--lighting, staging, security, ticketing--may have been botched by an inattentive promoter." Or so says The Smoking Gun.

What, if there were no brown M&M's, David Lee would turn to Eddie and say, "That's it, the concert's off-- these people clearly aren't going to have put together an incredible light show. Fuck the fans, we're outta here"? Sounds to us that, like Axl Rose, it just gave these guys an excuse to throw a tantrum if one of these 80 million demands was overlooked-- and overlooked by a nervous underling, we might add. (Do they really think the promoters themselves go out and buy the M&M's from Walgreens?)

Via the Smoking Gun.

Scanner Giveaway: Signed Elton John DVDs!

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:52:00 GMT

We're dead serious. The man who played piano while wearing those giant sunglasses. The guy who told Lilly Allen he could snort her under the table. One of the baddest mofos of all time, or at least 1973, Elton John, has agreed to autograph copies of his new DVD documentary "Tantrums and Tiaras," which features behind-the-scenes craziness and excesses not seen since the Rolling Stones were still allowed within our borders.

Like we said-- despite all this kidding around-- we're serious. We're going to give you autographed Elton John DVDs... all you have to do is...

...answer these trivia questions. If you're resourceful, you should be able to Google the ones you don't know right off:

1. What Elton John "Greatest Hit" does not appear on the original record but appears on later CD pressings? This tracklisting for the vinyl version should give you a hint.

2. What three songs did John Lennon play with Elton when the duo played Madison Square Garden show in November, 1974?

3. What song contains the line "Stop twinkling your star like you do?" And you better get this one, as this is our favorite song of his.

4. The Elton John AIDS foundation just had its annual benefit, raising more than 2 million dollars. Who hosted that event?

5. Who did Elton marry in February of 2006?

And, if there are ties, the tiebreaker: Who did he marry in 1983?

We are expecting to receive two signed Elton John DVDs, so there should be two lucky winners out there. The movie was released on VHS in 1997 and is being released this week, finally, in the States on DVD:

The long-awaited U.S. DVD debut of Elton John: Tantrums and Tiaras (Echo Bridge Home Entertainment) has arrived today, with the 1997 documentary finally getting a domestic video release. With John's longtime companion David Furnish in the director's chair, we get a much more warts-and-all look at the music superstar than another filmmaker might have been allowed to capture. While you'll come away from the movie admiring Sir Elton's work ethic, you'll also marvel at his bratty entitlement.
Whether or not you're a fan of the Rocket Man's music, the gossipy frankness of this movie makes it impossible to look away.

Good luck! We think it might be best to e-mail us at scanner@nerve.com rather than posting your answers in the comments...

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The Greatest Dive Bars: Mars Bar

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:01:00 GMT

Every time we've been to Mars Bar we've seen a fistight, an ejection, and vomit. If that doesn't qualify this New York City establishment for Dive Bar status, nothing ever will...

Mars Bar is located in Manhattan's East Village, a mere block from CBGB's old home and seemingly the only remaining structure in the area that isn't a monstrous condo tower. Besides the nearby St. Mark's Place, this is the only spot left in New York where one can play at being "punk," although even the bar's greatest regulars are closer to posers tha the real thing.

Just check out the reviews on Yelp:

-A few nights ago my friend and I were wandering around the East Village and got caught in a downpour. We ran to the nearest bar which happened to be Mars Bar. Wow... what a TOTAL shit hole...and I mean that in the best way. It was so refreshing to find this dump after having been to so many painfully hip NYC bars. Totally punk rock.
-Okay, I like dive bars, but really? This is too much. I can deal with the broken stools, the meh beer, but I really would like to inhale without smelling piss. That's kind of important to me.
-old punk on the jukebox all sorts of randoms dirty as shit...i loved it. ill definitely go back again when i visit. we went outside for a smoke, started talkin to this 17 year old crustie who was swilling gin and warm beer (ah the good ole days). it was great. bartender tells these guys who just left the bathroom "hey don't leave that balloon in here!" it was one of those thin long balloons the guy just left on the counter and the guy says all crazy "in this topsy turvy crazy world who knows where that balloon came from!!??" and he goes back into the bathroom.
-when i get approached by lawyers, investment bankers, or nice jewish boys and they ask me what my favorite bar is, my answer is Mars Bar. this place is a complete dump... gum on the walls, broken bar stools, etc. good jukebox stuff, and bartenders who aren't there to flirt with you. (this is a good thing)

It doesn't get anymore crass than this. And we seek out crass even more so than the booze.

***As always, we welcome your nominations. Seriously, we haven't done this in a while because we want to branch out to bars we haven't personally visited, so please send in your picks.***

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Prince Has Something He'd Like to Talk to You About

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:07:00 GMT

We are bursting with the news that Prince has been knocking on his neighbors' doors to spread a message near and dear to his little purple heart.

What could possibly be so important that Prince would put down his guitar and talk to strangers?

The word of the Jehovah's Witnesses, what else? According to Page Six, Jehovah's Witness Prince has to go door to door just like everyone else.

"Sometimes people act surprised, but mostly they're totally cool about it," says Prince. The "When Doves Cry" singer adds that he sees his conversion as more of "a realization. It's like Morpheus and Neo in 'The Matrix.' "

Not gonna lie, if Prince came to our door, we would totally convert, or "realize," or whatever. But only on the condition that he let us try on his clothes and have a photo shoot. For God, of course.

While You Were Sleeping: Bailon To Do Playboy For 100G's?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:10:00 GMT

The newest star on Obama's shortlist for a cabinet post: Hillary Clinton, with Secretary of State the likely job. Meanwhile, Obama will resign his Senate seat early (this Sunday) instead of waiting for the Constitution to push him out.

Nebraska is in chaos, with all sorts of parents trying to drop off their rebellious teens under the Safe Haven Law.

Finally, a talk show host who might actually be funny:

John Mayer is in talks with network executives to take his singing talents to the small screen - as the host of a weekly variety show.

Rod Stewart and Ron Wood's original breakthrough group, the Faces, may be getting back together. We're trying not to get too excited because there's not even a hint of an American show.

A cleaner at a zoo in Singapore either lost his mind or was on some powerful narcotics when he wandered into the tiger exhibit. Oh boy... not pretty.

A nudist was cleared of all charges for riding his bike at night in his Oregon neighborhood.

Taylor Swift might quit country music at some point to become a surgeon.

And Adrienne Bailon's publicity stunt may have paid off: Playboy liked the ass shots, and now want to see more... with $100,000 as their offer.

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The Saddest And Most Hopeful Story in Rock & Roll

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:55:00 GMT

We've wanted to tell you this story involving the Go-Betweens for a long time now, but never felt it had the ending it deserved.

The tale of this Australian band is one of the saddest in all of rock... and now, deservedly, one with a potential happy ending...

In 2006, we opened up a Village Voice and were stunned to learn that singer-songwriter Grant McLennan, founder of the band and one of its two absolute geniuses, had died suddenly, at 48, and just when things were turning around for him. After decades of baffling obscurity, with some of the catchiest singles since "I Wanna Hold Your Hand," Grant and his longtime collaborate, Robert Forster, were riding high on sales of their 2005 release Oceans Apart, which made many best-of lists and had built a word-of-mouth reputation.

On the night he was to propose to his longtime girlfriend, to bring some peace and stability to a life marred by family tragedy, poverty, and professional trials, McLennan took off his shoes and flopped out on his bed for a brief nap before the engagement festivities. Friends arriving for the party hours later found him having passed away, the autopsy revealing it to have been due to "a massive heart attack."

The tributes were immediate and reminded everyone why it was so shameful the public had ignored this man's songs for so long. Bono's U2 pointed out that Grant's first great song, "Cattle and Cane," was one of the greatest ever written, and likely the best Australian single ever.

We were crushed and unable to listen to anything, let alone the Go-Betweens, for days. It turned out-- so was everybody else, from Sleater-Kinney to U2 to Robert Forster, who was crushed more so than most. But just recently, something interesting began to happen: the Go-Betweens started to take off.

First, there was an Australian radio broadcast covering the Go-Betweens most essential release, 16 Lovers Lane, and a DVD of the broadcast. In the days following the program, Lovers Lane took off, landing at #2 on the iTunes download chart and setting off a wave of new stories about the band. In the midst of all this, Robert Forster's new album came out. We were surprised he could get it together to put something together on his own so soon after Grant's death.

Then we read this:

Q.: How did this all set in motion? Your press release said it was touch-and-go about whether you were ever going to make another record ever. If so, what made up your mind? What was the door opening?

Forster: No, no! I was always going to make an album. It was always my intent. Look, Jack, if even just to get out the Grant songs on the record — he and I were playing those songs. I wanted to make a record if only to get those three out to the world. “Demon Days,” “Let Your Light In, Babe,” and “It Ain’t Easy.” They’re the three that he had the music and the choruses to, and I’ve written the lyrics to, except the first five lines of “Demon Days” are his. The only thing is, I probably made the record a year earlier than what I thought it would be. Besides that, I always wanted to record. [Jesus, that's just beautiful friendship right there.]
Yes, after Grant died, I was in shock, and I was stunned, you know? But I knew I’d record, I just had to find my way out of the shock and the grief and just… I didn’t start playing with Adele [Pickvance, bassist] until like eight months after he died. It just took about that much time to do some songwriting. I was just very much within myself. And then I just phoned her up and we started playing. That was in February last year. But for seven or eight months, I was just taking my time... [Emusic]

And it was well worth it. Critics are already hailing the cuts here as among the best of the year, and the album, The Evangelist, is the year's subtle classic. So, in the end, the Go-Betweens may get their happy ending after all...

Cattle And Cane

Streets Of Your Town

Let Your Light In, Babe

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Led Zeppelin May Have A New Singer... And It's Amazin'...

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Led Zeppelin May Have A New Singer... And It's Amazin'...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:23:00 GMT

...if it's true, of course.

In the months since their first show in decades, Led Zeppelin has been the subject of dozens of rumors about billion-dollar tours, new lead singers, new albums, and in-fighting among its original members. Now all that appears to have been brushed aside and the band is about to unveil its actual new singer, which is great news for the music business...

From bassist John Paul Jones:

"As you probably know, Jimmy, Jason, and I are actually rehearsing and we've had the odd singer come in and have a bash. As soon as we know -- which we don't -- we will let you know. But we really hope that something is going to happen soon because we really want to do it and we're having a lot of fun, actually, just rehearsing. Jason is actually tremendous. . . We really wanna do something and Robert doesn't want to do this, at least for the moment. I don't really know what his plans are. He really doesn't want to make loud music anymore. We do. I mean, I love acoustic music, but it doesn't stop me from turning something up . . . And what we've done so far sounds absolutely fantastic. When it does come, it will come, and you'll know about it."

Here's the singer the rumor mill believes is about to be offered the job, having rehearsed with the band over the past weeks:

Think about it: the only decent replacement for Robert Plant, right? For example, picture Steven Tyler doing the end of "Stairway to Heaven" ("and she's buuuyyying...") and then try to picture anyone besides his predecessor pulling it off without sending us all into fits of uncomfortable laughter. We can also picture him finding the right balance of matching Plant's recorded performance and bringing his own personality to the proceedings.

Plus, as evidenced on the bootleg of Zeppelin's reunion show last year, Plant can't really carry those songs anymore. Will Tyler be able to?

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Groupie Shocked To Find Out Pop Music Douche Used Her For Her Body

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 15:07:00 GMT

An eighteen-year-old girl somehow managed to get backstage at a major pop music concert, apparently without knowing anything about what groupies are and what purpose they serve for selfish, misogynist, and decadent music stars.

She apparently didn't know that the scenes backstage often involve drugs or sex... usually both and at the same time, if possible...

Kate Costello, of Melbourne, has hopefully learned something about what happens to people (especially men, we have to admit) when a little power and glory gets in the way of their supposed maturity. Among the crimes this celebrity, whose name we will reveal momentarily, committed in his short involvement with Ms. Costello:

promises to help boost her singing career
he also sent dirty text messages to the young girl while he was trying to get bizay in the boudoir. “I can't wait to have your naked body lying next to mine." He wrote. [Yes, they actually used the word "bizay" in a feature news story.]
she said he only met her needs with a steady string of pill popping and powder snorting. "There were so many drugs. There was this silver platter of drugs, every drug you could think of: cocaine, MDMA, K (ketamine, a tranquiliser used on horses), hash..." [wait, she knows what those drugs are... but still she's surprised to find them in a "rock" star's dressing room?]

Costello caught him in bed with another woman at a hedonistic Ibiza party – and was then ordered to leave within five minutes.

Thus of us who have ever seen Almost Famous or read a single article about music would have seen these lines for the bullshit they are, even if we were an innocent eighteen-year-old. Sorry, Kate, you won't get much sympathy from us. Live and learn, we say. However, James Blunt will get a huge beatdown if we ever come across him in some dark alley. (So, in a sense, one way of looking at this is to say: that's what she gets for hanging out with the maker of some of the worst music in recent history.)

Via LiveNews.

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Looks Like Rock Music Does Cause Violence

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:20:00 GMT

Don't believe us? Watch this awesome animation of iconic album covers brutalizing each other with guns, knives, lasers, even Chinese Stars. It's like a blood explosion in your dad's record collection. Billy Joel started it, but who will be the last album standing?

While You Were Sleeping: Mike Myers Is An Inglorious Bastard

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Is there any reason to shoot yourself in the arm? For one man, not getting laid is reason enough.

If you happen to spot a tour bus belonging to The Kills, please contact the Feds.

And the verdict on the Apple iTunes store's fate...

Bowing to mounting pressure from the multimedia giant, the Washington, D.C.-based Copyright Royalty Board declined a request from the aforementioned NMPA to increase song royalties from 9 cents to 15 cents on songs purchased through iTunes and other digital retailers, according to CNN.com.
The decision was the board's first on digital downloads and will set royalty rates for the next five years.

A spokesperson for Apple had hinted that the company thought the six-cent hike would mean the store would operate at a loss and that Apple would close it down if that occurred. How much of this was talk, we'll never know...

Apparently, CHANGE stands for Come Help A Nigga Get Elected... according to one racist assmunch of a teacher in Florida. (His words, not ours.)

Drunk driving isn't funny. Except when it's a local newscaster intentionally playing Demolition Derby with parked Acura sedans and refusing a police order to get out of the car with your open bottle of vodka.

In related WTF news, a woman was kicked out of a Mothers Against Drunk Driving booth... because the injuries she received thanks to a drunk driver were too disturbing.

Looks like Mike Myers and Brad Pitt are the stars of Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards. This'll either be genius or terrible, as there's no way it can be in between.

Speaking of Brad Pitt, his wife Angelina Jolie appeared in public for the first time since giving birth to the celebrity baby seen above. Apparently, she's suffering from post-partum depression, but was "all smiles" at a film premiere in New York last night.

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Scanner Contest: Name The Celebrity Packages

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 18:15:00 GMT

Ah, the timeless rainy day game... Guess The Penis has been around since the time of Macbeth or possibly McCain... today, we're going to see City Rag's "Moose Knuckle Safari" and raise them one more...

Be the first to name the honorable packages correctly (or name the most) by Monday, 10/6 at 9am and you'll win a bottle of KY, two Durex fun condoms, and a strip of Trojans, all courtesy of The Pleasure Chest in Los Angeles, New York, and Chicago.

1) Hint: if you were reading Scanner last month...

2) Hint: golf isn't the sport we most identify this dude('s balls) with...

3) Hint: a Hollywood star... who likes to show off down South...

4) This little boy lost is an up-and-comer. We're referring to the actor in possession of this penis, of course...

5) Hint: it's "arena" sized...

Your guesses in the comments section.

See more packages at City Rag. Thanks, CB!

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Richard Wright Went To That Great Gig In The Sky (sorry for the obligatory obituary title)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 20:14:00 GMT

(What about: Richard Wright: Wish You Were Here... or Richard Wright Is Dead, Here Come The Wor-- no, too offensive.)

Richard Wright, who made his final on stage appearance with the reunited, core Pink Floyd at Live 8 three years ago, and who wrote Us And Them and The Great Gig In The Sky for Dark Side of The Moon, succumbed to cancer today. Here he is playing Comfortably Numb and leaving the stage with the other members for the final time. (He did, however, play with fellow member David Gilmour on Gilmour's solo tour two years ago.)

He seemed like such a nice guy, and in most accounts we've read about the Pink Floyd meltdown, circa The Wall recording sessions, he remained above the fray, like Ringo to their Beatles. During his time with the Floyd, which he helped found in the mid-sixties, he wrote and played on some of rock's greatest tunes. Here he is on our all-time favorite Pink Floyd tune, Us And Them:

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Ryan Adams

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 17:34:00 GMT

Ryan Adams is an incredibly talented artist who has made at least three CDs worth every penny we paid for them. Unfortunately, despite this immense talent, he has very little concept of what makes a cohesive, flowing, tightly-packed album. Even those three great records (Gold, Cold Roses discs one and two, and even Heartbreaker) have so much filler that they are 45 minute masterpieces turned 75-minute wobbling opuses.

This inability to see his own limitations has carried over into Adams' personal life, giving Gawker and gossip rags a million stories to goof on him with. Someone this good looking, grungy, and totally "rock star" (often in the worst sense of the term) would attract this unwanted attention even if he wasn't accused of:

Ryan Adams... who has an aversion to bathing, is a jerk. "He was really nasty to (ex-girlfriend) Mandy Moore. He would always pick on her and say the meanest things. Like he had to tear her down to make himself feel better. And he's so narcissistic it's unreal. He constantly Googles himself and is obsessed with what people say about him online." A rep for Adams said, "I don't think any of that stuff is true. He was really super-good to [Moore], and he just felt it didn't work out. That's a bunch of nonsense." [Page Six]

Courtney Love isn't helping things either. From a blog post, apparently accusing Adams of abuse of her credit card:

Ryan Adams you fucking weasel. deal with it.858,00$
Current mood: determined

Adams then made his breakup with Mandy Moore more public than anyone ever wanted it to be with this post, which everyone (i.e. Gawker) believes is about her:

Ryan, if you're reading this: fuck what anybody says about you, including us. But please try to keep things in perspective (stopping a show to throw out a fan who called for "Summer of '69," the Bryan Adams song, is not helping our enjoyment of said show), don't get high and drunk dial reporters, and if someone says, "Hey, there are 24 songs here and 12 of them are worth putting out," maybe you should put out a record with those 12 songs on them and leave the rest for Ryan Adams - The Bootleg Series.

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While You Were Sleeping: Anne Hathaway and the Cops

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:25:00 GMT

Arnold Schwarzenneger took 200,000 people hostage today. It sounds like one of his terrible movies from 1980s but actually, it's part of an ongoing budget crisis in California. Blah.

Headline of the Day: Alba Bans Honor From Acting. If you've ever seen Dark Angel, you will agree with us in saying she may have also banned Talent.

Who is Michelle Williams seeing now that the media won't pounce on her for it?

Michelle Williams has sparked rumours of a new romance with filmmaker Spike Jonze - six months after the death of her ex-fiance Heath Ledger.
The former Dawson's Creek star has been repeatedly spotted with Jonze, the ex-husband of Lost In Translation director Sofia Coppola, near his Manhattan apartment in recent weeks.
The pair first met in 2006 when Williams auditioned for Jonze's film adaptation of the classic children's story Where The Wild Things Are. She won a role, but later withdrew from the project.

Nope, nothing is sacred anymore: MTV is working on a remake of "The Rock Horror Picture Show."

Two Danish lesbians making more than $100K a year lost their lawsuit against the doctor who implanted one of them with two embryos instead of one, thus giving them twins and doubling the cost of child rearing expenses. Yep, they wanted the doctor to pay half their expenses. Apparently forever.

Anne Hathaway's journals may have been seized by the police in their ongoing prosecution of her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, this is not the plot of the next "Princess Diaries" movie...

And Lewis Black is, as usual, the go-to-guy for sane insanity in these, well, crazy times.

Video of the Day: Rush Plays Rush... In Rock Band

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:37:00 GMT

We always thought Rock Band and Guitar Hero were the best video game ideas ever, not to mention long overdue, and then end up disappointed that one just ends up pushing buttons on a guitar-shaped controller-- instead of a guitar with some strings on it that one could fake-play, sort of like air guitar but with strings, making the game about how well you mimic the song for real. (Does that make any sense?)

This seems to be the same problem the band Rush has when they tried to play "Tom Sawyer" on Rock Band: they wanted to play the song as it's really played, not just push a couple of buttons...

Turns out Rush only got 31%. Someone offscreen, perhaps a "yes man"-type intern or Colbert Report producer, tells them they didn't do half bad. The guy does have a point: after all, he did start them off on "Expert."

Here's how it's done:

Via Comedy Central.

20 Hot Women of Rockabilly

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 18:24:00 GMT

We'd like to add four more hot women of the past and present to this admittedly unusual list of Hot Women of Rockabilly:

Belinda Hartman of the Satellites, from South Australia. Make sure you check out "Jump," an infectious little ditty that moves faster than a speed metal song.

Brigitte Handley or any of her Dark Shadows, from Sydney, Australia; they are the hardest rockin' rockabilly kids on this list, arguably no longer even in the same genre, but worth checking out.

Barbara Pittman from Memphis, TN, who got her start thanks to Elvis, her fellow Sun Records labelmate and with whom she played during the famous Saturday night jam sessions.

Elana Fremerman aka Elana James of Hot Club of Cowtown, New York, NY/Austin, TX. She played with Bob Dylan (one of the only women ever in his touring band, even though she was only a special guest on a couple of dates), reached her peak of "fame," then inexplicably changed her name. Now she appears to be back with Cowtown, although the name change remains.

Via YouTube.

The 50 Sexiest Albums You Must Own (10-6)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 20:36:00 GMT

We're wrapping up our list with a two-part Top Ten, featuring, obviously, the Legendary Sam Cooke.

We'll have a list of your favorties tomorrow, along with the Final Five... for now, here are another five sexy albums you must keep in the ol' disc changer...

[If you missed anything, start here, with the Top 20.]

10. Hotel Child – The Flying Neutrinos

This album by then-unknown street performers hit #4 on Amazon during the late nineties swing revival. Only problem was, the album came out at the end of that fad... and has been difficult to find since. Much has been made of the cover, which features lead singer Ingrid Lucia taking a bubble bath. Try not to stare as you listen to lines like “I want to make violent love/to you by the moon above...” or anything from the John Phillips tune "Love Is Coming Back."

9. The White Album – The Beatles

Remember when your parents would play this and then switch it off right when it got to the sounds of John Lennon (and Yoko Ono?) having sex at the end of “Revolution 1”? What about “Why Don't We Do It In The Road”? Find these cuts, plus the hilariously-non-sexy “Back in the USSR,” sweet “Dear Prudence,” good ol' “Sexy Sadie,” and, um, “Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey.” (Yes, that's a real song.)

8. Kristofferson – Kris Kristofferson

The sexiest man in country music rounded up all the stray songs he wrote for Janis and Jerry Lee and Johnny and piled them up here. “For The Good Times,” “Me and Bobby McGee” (actually about his friend's female secretary), and so on until you bow down and grovel. “Help Me Make It Through the Night?” With pleasure.

7. Portrait of A Legend – Sam Cooke

The sexiest singer of all-time (take that, Frank) on the best collection of his (brief) life's work. You forgot how many great pop songs were his until you're dancing with your baby to them...

6. To Bring You My Love – PJ Harvey

You could make the case for Rid of Me and Is This Desire?, which are almost as sexy. But for newcomers, the way PJ growls out the opening cut on her 1995 tour-de-fucking-force is the best example of why yet another androgynous dark-haired solo artist has beguiled millions of people for over 15 years. This photo of Polly Jean don't hurt either.

Previously:

The Top 20-11, The Top 21-30, The Top 31-40, The Top 41-50 Sexiest Albums You Must Own.